Im 20 years old and have never been in a relationship. i've had boys tell me they like me but it was at a bad time (senior year of high school and i was moving to another country for college) or we were too close of friends and it was too weird for me. I've never dated, kissed or even held hands in a romantic kinda way. I've had a lot of friends who are guys so its not because i never talk to boys or anything like that. Is it weird for me to be 20 and never had a relationship?? When did you start dating? When do you think is too old to start?
I'm 22 and I've never had a relationship, kissed a girl, had sex, or any of those things.
It is daunting to be in this position because everyone else has a leg-up on you. Everyone else has had much more time to socialize and feel their way around the ins and outs of the dating game. They know what type of person to go after and what kind of person to avoid. They also know how to deal with rejection.
I don't have an answer myself. I'm still awkward in social situations and don't know how to "woo" someone. I don't know how to tell when someone is just being friendly and when someone is genuinely interested in me.
Are you socially awkward? Is there a particular reason you've never been in a relationship? What effect do you think never having been in a relationship has had on you?
At the age of 18 I was in a relationship for a year, broke up with the guy, and then didn't date for four years. Then I had three boyfriends over six months, each relationship ending in disaster. Then I didn't date for two years, and now I've been in a relationship for about four months and it's going pretty well. I'm 27 years old and my experience at dating has been very sporatic. The moral is there is never a right or wrong time to start dating. People date when they are in their fifties. Though if you want to date sooner rather then later the best thing to do is to either approach guys directly or go out to the clubs and be flirty... wait, you can't even drink yet! But sooner or later you will likely find yourself in a relationship, and that is a while other set of headaches with it.
but heres a question to add on to OP's thing:
is it true that the later you get into the dating game, the less your chances are to finding someone?
I mean right now, (age 19) everyone around me seems to have hooked up with someone. A lot of the guys I meet that seem like possible relationship materials are already in relationships! I mean, of course I understand that people break up, especially at this age, but lately it seems that all the relationships are more and more steady. I've heard a lot of stories of how if you don't have someone by the time you're out of university/college then your chances are lowered of finding someone..
>>4
I've heard this as well. I think it's bullshit. Everything is dependent upon whether or not you can make yourself look competent and experienced, and if you find the right woman. If she is the "right" one, then she shouldn't care about the fact that you've never had a girlfriend before when you admit the fact to her.
You can fail at the dating game 99 times, but if you succeed that 100th time, then you win. That's how I look at it.
Right now I have to figure out how to not be so awkward in conversations while simultaneously trying to overcome my tendency to be quiet and timid around women.
>>5 i don't think i would make it after the tenth fail let alone 99, just give up
theres no such thing as 'too late'. if anything, the older you get the easier it is, because frankly, people get more desperate in their old age.
now seeing as how youre in your 20s, youre not quite there yet. but as far as relationships go, being in your 20s without previous relationship experience is not a problem. why? because teenage relationships are generally worth absolutely nothing. you missed out on some puppy love and maybe some sex.
you need to stop looking at love and relationships as if they are a sort of game. you arent more likely to 'win' just because of some experience you gained as a kid. young people have a tendency to look at it this way. while as a youth it may not be entirely incorrect, ask those same people if they still think its a game when they are married with kids.
you fall in love with someone and they either love you back or they dont. if anything, an experienced man is going to prefer you because you dont come with baggage.
Its only too late when you say it is. As you have seen with other posters in this thread, you are not the only person who is in their early 20's and has had no romantic history. The best thing for you to do is to identify what are the main causes of your current status; are there things you do to prevent potential relationships on purpose? Do you have mannerisms and social skills that others would deem awkward? Are you just shy? Are you busy with other things that consume your time?
I was 18 before I had any romantic encounter, but even out of the blue it DOES happen. 20 is still plenty young, I should know.
Good luck OP.
I'm 24, male, heterosexual, and have never dated or etc. etc. Women have never expressed interest in me, save for one classmate whom I thought liked me -- but it turned out that was wishful thinking on my part.
To be honest, I don't care anymore. Up until about eight months ago, I used to really agonize over my single status. Now I don't care. I've given up. I don't try to socialize anymore, and I now spend my time divided exclusively between work, study, and catching up on my backlog of video games.
At the end of it all, some folks just aren't meant to date. If anyone here is one, you'll know it in your heart. You won't suspect it might be the case, you won't fear it might be the case, you'll know. You'll accept it as a certainty, just as you accept that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.
It's OP. Thanks everyone. I don't think I'm social awkward or anything. It just seemed like all my female friends and a lot of my male friends have been in a relationship and I was wondering if there were others out there who are late starters like me. It's not like I want to be dating right this second or anything. I just wanted to know if it would change anything if I never had any experience while the majority of people seem to.
Do such thing as late start. You start when you are ready; not to be part of the norm.
You will know when it's time and a particular person will trigger your interest. Something makes you want to know more about them.
If you are lucky (this applies to everyone) then the person your want to know about feels the same way also. 'getting to know each other' part is certainly one of the best moments of a relationship.
Don't try to force events that happen. It spoils the purity of it.
sighs
(just a quick rant)
but even with all that said... its such a pain in the ass waiting to find someone who feels the same way about you that you like as well. =(
>>7 and >>8 summarize well my opinions.
As for personal experience, I never dated before 19, and then only dated one person, and I'm still with her after 12 years. I know people who started dating before and still don't have a stable partner.
So dating early is not guarantee of building a stable relationship, that depends more on how you manage to mature. But it's also clear that people who have past experience are more likely to know what works for them, and get better at finding/creating it.
29 here, never had a girlfriend before.
Though it's certainly not the end of the world if you pass your university/college years by without venturing into romance (and there's something to be said about devoting oneself to one's studies), I'd say those years are definitely a great opportunity to meet someone. Most people by then are starting to mature into the people they'll become, if they haven't already. Many of them are also in a new environment, away from home, seeking new friends and relationships. And for most universities/colleges, they're just really big, so you'll get a chance to meet all sorts of people and spend time with them on a semi-regular basis.
I've liked girls and they haven't liked me back. Girls have liked me and I haven't liked them back.. I guess I just haven't come across the right one yet. And probably, I take things too seriously - don't fall into the trap where you're looking for 'the one and only'. Go out, casually date and have fun. If one of those dates turns into something more serious down the road, well there you go.
Good luck!
LOl you are not alone. I am too a big loser lol.
All i care is just games and movies.
Which now is a trouble for me, as i really like a girl now (complete stranger).
I contacted her from a social network site, the response was pretty good.
But now i am pretty much fucked up as i don't know what to do now
haha..
sorry if this kind of OOT or something else, first time posting here.
>now i am pretty much fucked up as i don't know what to do now
Yup, definitely OOT. Just open a new thread and present your situation, if you want some feedback on your situation.
Anyways, good luck for you too.
Oh yes there is a point in which it becomes too late. I thought like others have and gave a man at the age of 31 a chance at a first true relationship. Turns out they were wrong, any man who has never been in an intimate relationship by 30 is a lost cause. They will be so very clingy and obsessive to the point of stalking.
Hell I even had to call the police and have that man arrested for stalking me, after I had a restraining order placed on him. If a man is over 30 and has never been in a relationship that has outlasted a magazine subscription then same rules apply. Ladies, if a man asks you out go for that first date. On that date ask about his previous relationships and if you receive no answer, he hasn't had one, or has on but hasn't lasted a year then turn and run, fast. Leave that loser behind. If he tells you he had one or more relationships lasting over a year and he has lied, knee him in the balls and run.
To you men that are 30 or older and either never had a relationship, or a relationship lasting over a year then it is time to just remain permanently single and sexless. If you can't live with that then get counseling, or you may chose to end it all. I don't care one way or the other losers.
>>17
You are completely biased and generalizing all males over 30 due to one really horrible experience. Sure 30 is late in the game, but I do believe that it's never to late to fall for someone.
Well well, lookie here girls it appears we have yet another male loser. Loser, just google "teh intarwebs" and you will find numerous other examples of what I am talking about. All male losers like you turn out to be stalkers. There is a reason men remain single even past 30 and mental problems are always the reason. Us women can see a creepy male from a mile away but cave under pressure from friends to date such losers. I didn't find out until after the creep I dated was arrested that he was an asspie. So gals if you sense a man is creepy run the other way. If he follows use your cell phone and call 911, describe the male loser in as much detail as you can, and let them know you are being stalked so they can arrest the creep. The less male losers we have on the streets, the better off society will be.
Shut up.
Just shut up.
You know nothing of what you are speaking about.
I am a twenty-five year old woman and I am in the first relationship of my life. My boyfriend is a forty-seven year old man who has also never been in a relationship before. And there is nothing wrong with him. Or me. We've been dating four years and I know by now that he isn't a stalker, he isn't obsessive, and he isn't "creepy." He's just a man who never met anyone special, wasn't desperate enough to settle, and didn't believe that Love was in the cards for him and had resigned to living a solitary life. Though I had been at it for a lot less time than him, I felt precisely the same way. And then, by chance, we met, became best friends, and gradually fell in Love, mutually.
I will say this: there is no such thing as being too late to dating and, more importantly, finding Love. I and my boyfriend, the man who radicalized all I had known and expected of Love for me, are living proof of that.
So shove a sock in your preaching based on one foul experience and don't poison the well for all those who still have a shot. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and don't close yourself off to anything. More importantly, don't encourage anyone else to close themselves off, either.
>>20
That's pretty neat. What kind of person is he? And yourself?
>>17
You are quite presumptuous to deem those who choose not to condescend to women for sex "losers". There are those who remain aloof from such interactions for greater ends. Ever hear of Isaac Newton? The man pretty much invented mathematical physics, was a god amongst men, and never had any relations with women. QED.
>>22
I don't think she knows about Newton. Try less intelligent arguments. Much less intelligent.
@20
Oh lookie here gals, the male loser is whining because I hurt his wittle feelings. Let's say you really are a woman"Which I highly doubt) with a 47 year old male loser. Give him time and his true colors will come shining right through.
@22
It has nothing to do with sex and everything with relationship experience. Male losers lack relationship experience for a reason. If he wants to refrain from entering into a relationship that's fine by me. Once he reaches 30 though he should totally give up on the idea. By the age of 30 a man should have had at least 1 long term relationship, one that has lasted over a year. Issac Newton was fine with being single and male losers like you should learn that.
@23
I know about Sir Isaac Newton and my shit has more intelligence than your brain can comprehend loser.
>>24
Yeah? I'd be surprised if you could type a whole post without lexical error.
@24
Somehow I feel you'll end up bitter and alone.
When you stoop to the point of questioning a poster's ethos without having a legitimate reason to do so, you are in effect damaging your own legitimacy. You are also exposing an incredible flaw in your ability to argue a point without making personal attacks on your fellow arguer(s) due to a lack of competency on your own part. I cannot prove anything I said in >>20 , but since that's an inevitable part of conversing over the Internet, we'll have to leave it at that, in this thread and any other on the web.
I don't understand your charge of a fallacy in the idea of finding Love for the first time after the age of 30. Indeed, compared to the rest of contemporary society, not being in a "serious" relationship by the age of 30 may be an extreme on the side of abnormal, but does that automatically mean that it is so much better to go to the other extreme and shoot for having a certain number of relationships, no matter how or shallow or ultimately worthless, by a certain age? Are you really saying there's a magic number and a specific cut off point?
That is madness. I would like to reiterate that just because something did not work out for you, it does not mean it will never work out for anyone else. My own relationship is proof of that. And whether it lasts forever or at some point, God forbid, falls apart, it has proven to work for a relatively long period of time even at this point, disproving your end-all and be-all theory. I would go as far as to lend credence to the idea that a person that has gone a longer time than most without dating may have a more difficult time "getting into the game," but to charge that this sort of person is some how corrupted or incapable of ever dating successfully or finding Love is just plain bull shit.
Perhaps beating the odds even further down, we are both introverted, shy, "quiet" people who lack a social gene and are really quite lucky to have met and even given each other a chance. We share a common interest in things that may be considered similar but different. For example, he likes comic books and I like manga, he likes science fiction and I like fantasy, he's interested in cryptozoology and I like reading about hauntings, and we both like horror. We have VERY different tastes in music, television, and film, and that keeps our conversations from turning homogenous, as do the obvious differences in our life experiences up to this point. The most important thing, though, is that we legitimately love each other; the feelings this relationship have given me are very strong and very pure and very, very concentrated on him and his well being. I have never cried while thinking about how much I love anyone else I've ever met before, nor has anyone I've ever met broken into tears while gently telling me how much I mean to them. We finally admitted that we loved each other in April and kissed for the first time about a month after that. In the seven months since, every single day has had a silver lining to it, and it's because of the love that we share together.
I am a very, very blessed person to be in his heart and to have him in mine, and if either of us believed in the idea that it was "too late" at some point during our lives to ever give Love a chance, I would not be in the wonderful place I am today. I am so grateful that we gave each other, and ourselves, the chance that we did. It was the most rewarding risk I have ever taken in my life and I will never regret it.
>>27 great story, and best wishes for the future!
I can't trust someone who uses @ instead of >>
sage for nothing added, except to say that and >>26 etc is a troll
Give >>24 a break. Have you ever been stalked before? Do you know how terrifying that is? She may not be right to generalise all 30+ virgin men, but at least she has experience to back up her two-cents.
>>30 has a point. People should stick to their experiences, or what they have seen around them, but not generalize their case.
Whatever the general case is, our life is not a statistic, so you just have to try things out.
In regards to the relationship game, it only ends when there are no more players left. People still hook up in their eighties... And life is continuously creating and breaking couples, so there's no real hard and fast time limit, except death and debilitating disease.