Im 20 years old and have never been in a relationship. i've had boys tell me they like me but it was at a bad time (senior year of high school and i was moving to another country for college) or we were too close of friends and it was too weird for me. I've never dated, kissed or even held hands in a romantic kinda way. I've had a lot of friends who are guys so its not because i never talk to boys or anything like that. Is it weird for me to be 20 and never had a relationship?? When did you start dating? When do you think is too old to start?
>>30
Oh, getting calls from socially inept men is so scary! It's especially frightening when they breathe into the receiver and confess their love to you!
lol, yeah right
>>33 confessing over the phone is really a bad idea. The only reason I can understand one would do that is if you can't meet your love interest in real life.
Here is my take. I was self schooled, got my HS diploma and took some time off before resuming school for a double major in philosophy and computer science. I am 31, and I have never pursued any sort of relationships with women. Is it worth the trouble? Unless someone were to make the first move, it is unlikely that I will ever bother on my own, as I really don't even know how to approach a girl.
>I am 31, and I have never pursued any sort of relationships with women. Is it worth the trouble?
It's impossible to address that question, as the answer varies wildly, even for the same person over time. But what really matters is whether you are satisfied by living without a relationship, or whether you feel the need to entertain one.
>Unless someone were to make the first move, it is unlikely that I will ever bother on my own, as I really don't even know how to approach a girl.
Like everybody else, you learn by trying. And yes, that includes experimenting failure. What you really mean is that you don't want to endure rejection, and suffering. But there are no shortcuts, and the world does not owe you anything. There's no reason you should not put some effort in order to get what you want. On the other hand, consider this: although the one who makes the first move must risk rejection, he's also the one who makes the choice. And that's a huge advantage, even if you must be rejected many times before scoring a hit. Also consider that even a failure teaches you something, whereas a not trying teaches you nothing at all.
This is kind of a thing for me. I'm 25 and I've been in one (1) actual relationship, in college, for about two years. The thing is I never loved this girl, but she loved me, to the point that when I went to visit her a few months ago, thinking that we had broken up and were both past the whole thing, it turned out she still had those feelings for me.
I don't see myself getting into the dating thing again, though, because I find it really hard to relate to any of my peers. My interests don't line up that well with the usual, normal kind. Plus the fact that I usually hate being around people (unless I'm boozed up) and I don't actually have any friends, I don't use facebook, etc. I'm not even physically attracted to most women who are supposedly attracted, I just don't care. I do have a sex drive, but I satisfy it with increasingly more deviant porn (mainly hentai) and a lot of real women look disgusting to me. I'm pretty much broken that way.
Yet I still feel the need to find someone. I just don't know where I'm supposed to start.
>Yet I still feel the need to find someone. I just don't know where I'm supposed to start.
Care to elaborate on why you feel the need to find someone? That should give an hint on how to proceed.
And what are your interests and activities in life, besides hentai?
>>38
I have other sorts of extremely nerdy interests, such as video games and anime. Also history, politics, reading and writing, and music. I did sports when I was in high school and college, but I wouldn't really call it an interest.
As for why I want to find someone... I don't know. I guess I'd like to feel like a normal person for once in my life, have a girlfriend and go out with friends and all that stuff. And I'd like someone to share my interests with (at least some of them) and to share my life with. I don't want to die alone, I guess is what I'm saying. I've been told I'm reasonably attractive by one of my few friends, and she's got no reason to lie to me about it. And I do work hard, so it's not like I'm a lazy shitpile. I just hate being around people for the most part and find it hard to express myself to pretty much anyone.
>>39
Your interests are very tractable, and shared by millions of people of both genders. Don't worry, we live in a very nerdy age.
From what you write I gather that you want to share your life with someone who cares for you, who loves you. Guess what, you'll have to care for this person, if you want some reciprocity. So you'd better come out of your recluse stance, which won't help you at all. You are nothing special, and certainly not worth approaching if you keep a stand offish attitude.
If you want to meet people who can care for you, you need to start liking yourself a bit more. And for that, you need to lower your level of cynicism and self deceit. Do a bit less of running away, and a bit more of stuff you find positive. Also, learn to find what you like in other people, not what you don't like. It's very easy and coward to devalue everything that surrounds you, it's much more ballsy to say: I like this! And as for expressing yourself, use your interests to encourage your talking, and remember that practice makes perfect.
>>40
This is reasonable. I mean, I know what I have to do, and it's not like I'd have a problem loving a girl... just not the particular one I was with. My expectations may be too specific, though.
I still have a serious problem with socializing, and it's not like I expect to have a relationship while I'm still boxed up like this. I believe I have to solve that problem first.
>I still have a serious problem with socializing, and it's not like I expect to have a relationship while I'm still boxed up like this. I believe I have to solve that problem first.
That's correct, and you should treat that problem not as something abstract that you need to figure out sometime in the future, but as a concrete and immediate problem, just like getting food to eat today. Think seriously about what kind of people do you want to spend your time with, and how to go about to meet them.
>>42
Yes. I feel sure that I'll hate most people I meet, but I've gotten very good at pretending I don't hate them. Alcohol helps a lot in such situations.
>>35 Here
It is easy to say that I should make the first move, etc. but, from my standpoint, this is no simple task. I spend years in a somewhat reclusive lifestyle (not going to use the hikki cliche) before returning to school, so I could at least find a way to survive in the world. I am thus pretty inhibited in terms of interacting with others.
Sure, alcohol helps with these issues, but I really am not interested in the types I might meet under the influence. Sure there are numerous girls at school, but I find it pretty much impossible to initiate a conversation with the aim of picking up a girl. I would love to break the monotony of my existence; I have, after all, succeeded in escaping the life of a hikki, but finding a girl seems beyond me...
>>44 Don't try to use alcohol to get chicks, that's how disaster wreacks your life.
I understand that it's difficult for you to get over your shyness and approach women, but in your case I see two ways: 1) spend enough time with people doing some activity that you're both interested in. This should foster enough familiarity that the gap between you is so small that you can jump over it. 2) meet someone through a paid website. This allows you to exchange written words before meeting the person, so that once again you have enough familiarity to encourage you to go all the way.
And besides, congratulations on managing to get out of the basement, you have my cheers!
>>45
It is difficult to have much opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. My routine is pretty much to drive 20 miles to school from the middle of nowhere, sit in class, and then drive home. As far as option 1 goes, school is about the only option I have for real life interaction; living in a rural area sucks. Still, I have not really had the chance to know a girl long enough to have much in the way of conversation. Maybe option 2 would work.
I was able to break out of a bad situation, but this is a harder nut to crack. It really is possible to be in the middle of all the people in the world, and still be utterly alone.
See ya, >>35 out.
>>46 I sympathize. But I have to ask you, do you still want a relationship after all of this? I don't. The only reason I might consider it is just because I'm an only child, and my parents are starting to push me to find someone. I don't want to dissuade you, and it's possible I'm just saying this because I'm bitter right now and my scope is too narrow.
Even so, I don't have any interest in women anymore. They just make me wish I were dead instead. Maybe I should become a monk?
I've got two words for you all: Gray Thaumaturgy.
>>47
You know, its simply a hard situation. It may be possible to eventually run into someone, but I really feel that my hands are tied in this case. My situation simply left me in this position, since I was removed from the world for a long time.
i want a japanese boyfriend. someone like
but i'm not in japan. nor will i visit it anytime soon.
where to get one?
I'm sorry for going off topic here, but when reading this thread I can't help but wonder what happen to this site... this is a wonderful thread among tons of other amazing conversations, just where did everybody disappear to?
Sorry about my rant.
(I also sympathize with most of you. Many years w/o a relationship, but I've come to realize that by sitting in front of the computer all day long generally doesn't generate girlfriends, I've got to get out and find someone, because honestly... I'm getting kinda tired of being alone...)
>just where did everybody disappear to?
we're here, but there's no point talking if someone does not bring an issue, don't you think? If you want idle pointless chat, just go to DQN. But if someone really has an issue, then he'll get an answer.
And if you're into immature provocation, you can just bump some of those boring pedothreads, thinking you're a real rebel.
http://lix.in/-a8b894 a lot of good videos for adults
Although "hate male losers" is an obvious troll he or she does have some points. While there is the proverbial diamond in the rough the chances of that happening is slim to none. Generally if someone has not been in a long term relationship by a certain age chances are there is a reason. That is why it is a huge red flag. It means to watch out. I know I have too many mental health issues on top of other issues before I can get into dating. I never had a relationship last longer than a year and I am almost 40.
>>57
Or, you know, it could be that some of us were focusing too much on our studies and work to bother.
You made an excellent point, which is why it is a good idea to read between the lines before ditching anyone. The problem lies with people like me, those that tend to be clingy obsessive stalkers because a female just so happens to "be the one."
Your idea is pretty good there, starring at Secret Admirer, I like what you're saying there, its kinda true in a way. But clingy obsessive stalkers, arent they everywhere these days?? doesn't matter where you were/at, its at least gotta be one or two there. its bad isnt it.
read between the lines, I used to do that, and now I still do, but the problem is, for most of us we tend to just read it quickily instead of jumping lines like that, cant help ae!! its all matters of getting used to it, its just one of the kinds of many man.
things can only get worse, I never heard things will turn best when no one is appreciating about it.
Cheers mate, bottoms down. the chances are fat!!
>>57
a troll to beta males such as yourself. being a beta aint bad, just u wont get ne girls. betas, or some call "nice guys" are whiners w/ weak genes. alphas, or jerks as the "nice guys" call us are the doers with strong genes and teh beta cant handle that. oh girls change once they reach the age of 30 or even 40 and their used up. they say they want men with exp to be sure they get a nice guy. guess what, only teh jerks will have exp so you nice guys will lose out while we alphas will still get plenty of pussy. so nice guys either be happy being perm virgins or just kill yourselves.
I'm not an alpha, a beta or anything else. I don't play the game. Hell, I've had girls chase after me, quite a few of them, and I rejected all but one. I didn't even like the one I ended up with, despite the fact that she was smart and objectively attractive.
Does it bother me that I haven't had that much experience? No, not really. Since I don't find 99.9% of women attractive or interesting enough to pursue a relationship with, I couldn't care less about having experience with them. If I wanted "plenty of pussy" I could probably get it easily, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm getting no benefit out of the deal.
I'm really a lot more worried about improving my writing and music skills and continuing my education and getting a real job that pays well than I am about women. Since my family is worried about me (some of them think I'm weird because I don't care about women) I might just get them to play matchmaker for me if they're that concerned about it. I may as well get married for the stability, but love is out of the question.
>>63
teh girls that where not chasing u for ur body or to give u pussy. u sound like ur a typical omega, teh lowest of the males. girls hate anything below alpha cuz betas adn below have weak genes w/ omegas having weakest genes. teh beta and omega tend to put teh pussy-on-teh-pedestal not knowing girls are hypergamous. once teh pussy is on teh pedestal teh weak lil beta and omega are instantly friendzoned and turn around and whine about it. tey never learn and teh process repeats while we alphas get teh pussy teh weak gened girlymen cant handle. so dont worry bout gettin married itl nevr happen. lmfao
>>64 yeah, seems likely. I hope my family drops the whole matter because I don't want a woman to have to get stuck with an ice-cold type like me who won't care about her or give her any intimate attention. They probably won't drop it, though, since I'm an only child.
>>65 thanks for the wisdom. How's first year of high school going for you?
better then omegas like you did. got more pussy that year then teh number of frindzones you will ever get. cant compare pussy 2 pussy cuz u will never get ne. lmfao
>>67 yeah, I know the type you're talking about. I'm not one of those pathetic "nice guy" types. Like I said, I'm not interested in pussy as you put it. Really kind of disgusts me, actually. But you're clearly a troll, so hey.
>>68
oh i herd that line alot of times before from omegas like u. that was b4 they where turned down buy a hooker. omegas r so bad even hookers dont even want em. teh beta and omega put teh pussy on teh pedestal so much and hookers only screw up due to hyergamy teh beta and omega cant even get pussy even when paid 4. lmfao
>>69 lol okay. I don't even know what you're talking about now. Pussy on a pedestal? I don't even like it. You know what, you sound like an insecure dipshit.
>>70
omegas like u put teh pussy on teh pedestal when u treat due to insecurity. weather u like it or not ur placed n a group based on ur genes and that would b omega 4 u do 2 having weak. i am alpha cuz i have teh strongest genes. face it, u have nothing 2 offer girls witch is y u "hate" pussy. now i know y they call u handsome. lmfao
@61
Experience does not include sexual experience. As a mattwr of fact the only experience male losers like yoy have are one night stands and short term relationships because that is all you are interested in. The requirement of a LTR that has lasted longer than a hockey season is there to weed out losers like you or the "omega" type losers.
@63
Well that is you choice, just as long as you don't come whining later on that women won't give you the time of day.
Hate Male Losers - You are a Narcissistic bitch.
Hate Male Losers - You are a Narcissistic bitch.
Worth to try man, but sex...sex is Ok. Some people can think it's boring to have sex with a girl but it's not as bad as seems to be. When you have sex you can play games (I won couple of FIFA matches) or chat with friends. Cam sex is boring too but you can try. Just visit chatroulete or originclub.com or facebook, but when you see nude girl with huge tits - oh, man, give it a rest! it's better to watch spider-man movie or harry potter really. Sex is boring
Do you know the difference between a conversation and rape?
No? Let's go upstairs and have a talk.
I am too lazy to get into relationship game..
And to be honest I dont enjoy sex at all
Yeah seeing all couples makes me envious some time but still I am okay with masturbation
Why bother...
I dont like girls at all, they are loud and stupid
I can not stand girls
Fuck off from my life, okay
If you think love is a game you're going to lose just by playing you know. Try to take another angle.
It's not too late. You're fucking 20, not 80. You got a good couple decades on you before you're officially screwed.
