I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? (19)

1 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-28 19:38 ID:1NIp+PfW This thread was merged from the former /love/ board. You can view the archive here.

Hello there.

I would like to start by saying that right now in my life, I do not want a girlfriend. They cost time, money, and exert anxiety. In my eyes, from what I've seen and experienced. I am a virgin. Just finished my second semester in college. Now I begin.

The only girl that has truely been in a romantic relationship with me was my girlfriend senoir year. I went to an all-boys Catholic school outside of Boston, and she went to an all-girls school two towns over. We met at Catholic Youth Group.

The relationship was pretty pleasant, and I felt like I got all the benefits with the spending of time and money. She broke up with me within weeks after graduation. She found out that I used to smoke pot before I dated her. That was the reason.

Obviously, I smoke pot again. Took it up right after she dumped me. Also lost faith in God, which I knew I had at one time in my life.

The first day at college, I hooked up with a girl I had met at orientation. I slept in her bed on the VERY first night of college. I haven't talked to her since (~1.4 yrs). She was in love with me, and I didn't know what to do. Afraid? Probably.

Then there was Rose (that's not her name, it has been changed to protect the innocent). I met her one day this past February (oh god 2009 is over) and she was tripping on shrooms with her roommate.

I was infatuated with Rose. She knew that. I told her friends (including her roommate) that I was into her. They called it cute and we laughed it off, and no serious action was taken. Rose continued to lead me on and spend time with me (smoke some cigarettes, discuss life) all the while she was seeing somebody behind my back. This was during the previous spring semester. It was the first time I cried since my girlfriend broke up with me a year ago since then.

Spring semester ended, and I stopped talking to Rose for the summer. 4 months, one week, three days.

One day at work, she sent me a text message. My stomach sank.

Wed, Aug 19th (12:58 AM):
"Hows your summer going? I dunno if youre awake or if you even want to talk to me, but i miss your thoughts, so i thought id inquire."

I forced out a laugh, threw my phone back on my desk, and ignored it.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-28 19:41 ID:1NIp+PfW

When I got back to school, we became friends again, like nothing happened. She brought it up once when we got drunk, and I clearly stated I was not flipping a shit. She probably understood that this past summer was for me to numb previous pains.

I met her boyfriend, and he's pretty cool. I keep hearing gossip about their fighting behind closed doors when I'm not around.

I have these dreams in which Rose and her boyfriend break up, and I'm the rebound/fallout/whatever. When I wake up, I remind myself to buy more pot so I don't have dreams.

I still hang out with Rose, and we do consider eachother very good friends (in my eyes at least). We do a lot together (make music, smoke, adventures to meaningless places). We belong in the same group of friends, and might live together with her roommate (who likes to pose as my sibling) next year or this coming summer.

Another friend in this group is Blondie (name changed to protect the innocent, again). There has definitely been sexual tension between us. The thing is, she's batshit crazy. She had this plan if I didn't get laid by now, she would have sex with me. I don't talk to her as of now.

I screwed this up by lying to all my friends about how I had sex over this summer. (Such a lie, I had a full time job and was miserable). Funny how things work out this way, eh?

Blondie had sex with one of my friends this summer. In my house. On my dad's office chair. I can still smell it everytime I walk in the room.

Now I'm here. I'm still a virgin. Is this healthy? My happiness now feeds off of mainly three things: My studies, boozing and stoning, and video games. I feel like I'm okay for now, and will be until the end of college, but it's a big world out there, and I don't know if I'm going to enjoy being alone for the rest of my life (although I say I do to make it look like I have self-esteem).

single men 4eva

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-28 21:12 ID:hWV1oJvg

u r sweet youngman :3

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 00:13 ID:n04bWIq2

Fuck college. Stop worrying about it until you're in the real world.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 00:14 ID:Heaven

Whats the point of this wall of text.

None it seems.

6 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-29 04:03 ID:E3LM+s85


7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 17:42 ID:Heaven


Sympathy? Advice? A book deal?

I'll tell you what I want: the ten minutes of my life back that I spent reading that.

8 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-29 18:12 ID:1NIp+PfW

Answer this:

Is it healthy to live a secluded live without any romance?

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 18:38 ID:e9xiKdPt

>I screwed this up by lying to all my friends about how I had sex over this summer. (Such a lie, I had a full time job and was miserable). Funny how things work out this way, eh? Blondie had sex with one of my friends this summer. In my house. On my dad's office chair. I can still smell it everytime I walk in the room.

You're an idiot because:

  3. Lying is wrong, motherfucker. Wrong. So don't fucking do it.

You're a genius because:

  1. No std's (blondie is a real life ho-bag, so these are probably a real danger with her)
  2. No babies! :D

Good job.

10 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-29 19:44 ID:1NIp+PfW


I'm never going to lie again. I'm done screwing myself.

But my question is still unanswered.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 20:19 ID:tP8gmliV

it's neither healthy nor unhealthy. It's a matter of want. is that the life you want? if it is, then go for it. if it isn't, then set things in motion to avoid it.

12 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-29 20:26 ID:1NIp+PfW


:S I don't know. ;;

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 23:03 ID:tP8gmliV

the paths are not so far away that you can't change lanes.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-29 23:03 ID:tP8gmliV

try one and if doesn't work, try the other.

15 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-30 14:22 ID:1NIp+PfW


16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-30 16:20 ID:pAFzQqkn

You can live a healthy single life, but you first need to... eh... cultivate a healthy lifestyle, I guess. Which includes fulfilling your social, intellectual, and emotional needs in a constructive way. (It wouldn't seem to include boozing and stoning btw)

Everyone's a little bit different. I don't think I, or anyone else here, can tell you whether or not you can do this, but I think you can find out for yourself if you take the time to reflect on it.

17 Name: Seamus : 2009-12-30 16:50 ID:1NIp+PfW

welp look like i'm going to be miserable for a while, thanks for trying, /love/.

18 Post deleted.

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