Will I end up alone? (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-11 06:52 ID:VgZ+ovT2 This thread was merged from the former /love/ board. You can view the archive here.

So here it goes..

I'm 22 turning 23 in two months. I will admit: I have never kissed, seriously dated and have sex with a man before. Guys have tried kissing me before but I always covered my mouth and would nervously giggle because I feel like my first kiss should be special. I dated only one person by accident (thinking it was just a hang-out but the whole atmosphere was just so weird because he started asking me a lot about myself as if it was really a date). I turned out dates before because the guys that asked me out were really not my type.

During university, I focused a lot with studies than dating but now that I'm done, I don't really know how to date someone. I'm also recovering from a one-sided love that lasted for nearly 7 years. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wasted so much of my "youth".. I also felt like I missed so much. During that time, I did party quite a bit with friends but I never took the guys seriously because they weren't "him".

I don't think I'm socially awkward. In fact, I'm quite friendly with everyone I meet. I'm quite talkative once someone gets to know me. However, I'm extremely shy with strangers. I like to have fun. I like to go out and drink with friends. I have tons of guy friends but I don't see them as anyone I would seriously date. They either fall in these three categories: gay, socially awkward or very close guy friends that I consider as a brother.

I feel like something is wrong with me. All of my closest friends have found that special person to share all of those first aside from me. I feel like the more I wait, the more I feel like I'll end up alone. I know a simple solution will be grab a stranger and do those stuff but it is very unlike me.

I just don't really know what to do. I feel like I can't really do anything about it. I just feel like something is really missing. I'm so sick of saying "no" every time I get asked if I have a boyfriend.


2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-12 04:03 ID:2NF6tVRp

I sure hope you don't end up alone. I am also turning 23 in 3 months. Just keep going on dates and see how you feel comfortable with and eventually a spark. At least guys are interested in you haha... Good luck... How i deal with that feeling of wanting to be with a special someone... i go hang out with my close friends.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-12 13:20 ID:r2Dl6XB3

tfw no qt gf

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-13 18:53 ID:Heaven

your first kiss is not special. losing your virginity is not a special occasion. any guy who isnt a loser will be very turned off by you still being a virgin. im sorry that movies and tv have manipulated you into thinking that these petty physical interactions are "special" but they are not. as you continue to age males over 24 will see you as being mentally unstable if you come out giggling and being weird about things as simple as a kiss. that immaturity puts up huge red flags that you are not someone they want to tangle with.

my suggestion is to grab one of your close male friends you consider a "brother" but only hangs out around you because they want to get in your pants (All of them) and just have sex with them.

this board has a lot of nerds, but we also have a handful of people with real world experience. i expect a punch of "its ok to wait for the right guy (me please god let it be me im so lonley)" type posts, but thats all bullshit.

have sex, realize its not that big a deal, and then learn to be happy being alone before searching for a real relationship. from your post you strike me as someone who may have been sexually abused as a child, you need to work through your own personal issues before even thinking about a real, and serious relationship. until that time though have a spattering of one night stands (use a condom, no fucking exceptions). and get some experience under your belt.

listen to my advice or dont, i don't care. but i am right.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-14 06:36 ID:e5f3C3w0

Not every random 20-something guy hangs around a girl for the sole purpose of getting into their pants. As a 27 guy, I actually have many friends who are girls, and I hang out with them because, shocker of shockers, I actually enjoy their company, and find them easier to get along with than most guys I know.

That said, does that mean there's never any sexual tension? No, it happens, hormones and attraction are strange, mysterious, and mildly annoying things; but no matter how attracted I am to one of my close female friends, I cannot and will not act on it, I value our friendship too much to risk damaging it, or possibly loosing it just so I can get a date.

My point there is that unless you have feelings for one of these guys that they're able to reciprocate, don't ruin a perfectly good friendship by adding that extra layer of complications in, friends are too important for that, or at least that's the way I've always felt.

Anyways, I wouldn't worry too much about if you'll end up alone right now, as they say, all things with time. I've often had similar worries, to the point that a friend of mine started attacking me in a Subway screaming "YOU'RE WORTHY OF WOMEN!" "YOU'RE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED!". Not always the easiest thing to believe; but I keep working towards that goal of finding someone.

Do your best! Don't give up!

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-14 07:48 ID:sDo0EG5f

OP here. Thank you for everyone's advices. I guess I really frustrated with my whole situation

Regarding the 4th post: No, I was not sexually abused when I was a child. I had a perfectly normal childhood.

The problem with me is that once I put a guy in my friend's zone, I can't see them anything but a friend--- nothing more, nothing less. I just enjoy their company.

When I said "special", I didn't mean to sound like I'm looking for my Mr. Right (which I don't believe in). I guess what I mean is someone that I can share a connection with-- someone who I feel like I can like genuinely and not feeling like I'm playing him. It's difficult for me because I haven't met someone who I can share that connection yet. I know it sounds weird but that's how I feel.

I know exactly what my issue is.. I'm scared to really like someone or potentially fall in love with someone. When I start to like someone, something inside me pulls me back. I don't know if that means I'm not ready or if I'm searching for something else.. It just happens. I know I can probably try to fix it but I don't really know how.

I'm not for one-night stand as I stated above. It's not me. If I were to have sex with someone, I would rather have that person be my boyfriend.

Regarding post 5: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that every guy out there wants to get into a girl's pants. I have plenty of guy friends as I stated above.

That's exactly how I feel with my friends but I don't feel that romantic spark with any of them (nor did I ever when I first met them--- they weren't just my type).. I love their company as well. I'm actually a lot closer to some of my guy friends than most of my girlfriends.

My best friends are trying to convince me to not worry about it too much but I guess I'm just tired of being single?

Thank you for that last paragraph and the last sentence. I'll keep those in mind :)

I tried lowering my expectations but that didn't work out so well. Some of those guys I decided to give a try ended up as either too clingy, creepy, a stalker or just plain weird.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-18 15:56 ID:ZZYrEPDz


>your first kiss is not special
>losing your virginity is not a special occasion
>any guy who isnt a loser will be very turned off by you still being a virgin

lol, wut?

I respectfully disagree. There are at least two different kinds of people when it comes to love/relationships/sex: the first is a group of people who are capable of having one night stands and meaningless "relationships" of no substance, content with bouncing from one throw-away warm bodied place holder to another without any thought or regret. The other is a group of people who require actual love, connectedness, and commitment in their relationships to thrive in them. People that want the person they are with to be both their lover and their best friend at the same time. Objectively, one doesn't need to have more or less value than the other, but subjectively, everyone values the two types differently.

The latter is what OP sounds like to me. Unfortunately, for that group, patience and diligence in not lowing one's standards are key to finding one of those relationships, and that may mean "waiting" for a much longer time than the average person.

I was in OP's shoes not too long ago. About the same age, a kissless virgin, and afraid of never ever finding anyone as I nervously and jealously watched everyone around me score their third or fourth boyfriend/girlfriend while I remained forever alone. Even the assholes and idiots that I knew were finding "love" and it made me wonder what was wrong with me to have not done as well as them by that point. I realized pretty quickly though that quantity =/= quality. Did I really want a relationship like theirs? Void of any real connection other than a carnal one? Or a financial one? Or an accidental pregnancy? Heck no.

I gave up. I decided that being alone was better than being with someone that I didn't or couldn't really love. When people asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said, "No, I have a cat." And when people tried to push me into calling some guy or going to the bar to "get someone," I politely turned them down until they gave up on me, too. And I was fine with this.

In the mean time, I made a close friend, and after three years of a platonic friendship, and without expecting it to, that friendship blossomed in to romance and presently we are still enjoying our relationship.

In regard to your inexperience being a hindrance or turnoff to any potential partner: that's just plain bullcrap. If someone loves you for you, your sexual status will be of no worry, no matter which way it swings. Personally, when I met my now boyfriend, I was a 20-something virgin, and I was nervous as hell to tell him that. So I didn't, for years. When it eventually came up in conversation, and I told him the truth, I was amazed: he is older than I am, and he, too, had zero relationship experience. It wouldn't have mattered if he had, but either way I had stressed over nothing, and you may be, too, OP.

Eugh, this is already a wall of text. Please, as >>5 said, do your best, don't give up, and have respect and faith in yourself, and your capacity for independence. And never, ever lower your expectations, especially in something as precious as sharing yourself and your love with another person.

Great luck, OP! Be well!

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2013-02-06 07:27 ID:1t3FfIkE

9 Name: 43 : 2013-03-24 05:25 ID:fFNm1Bb9

Don't listen to >>4

The media put too much emphasis on relationships and love as the must be goal for everyone.

Even if you were to find "him" doesn't mean you'll be happy with him.

You might change your approach and give each person a chance, one date. The results might surprise you, they might be better than what you expected. You'll also find rotten apples like >>4.

Good luck

10 Name: mindofBM : 2013-03-24 14:12 ID:8Z7wL5Rx

dont worry so much about it. you will get somewhere

11 Post deleted.

12 Post deleted.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-11 02:38 ID:Kq+OQu7M

We all die alone.

Name: Link:
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
More options...