So, I loved this girl a lot. It was a long-distance relationship. It was going to be like three years before we could really live together. We are both virgins. She promised her virginity to me. We both had romantic ideals of lifelong love. I still do, that's my main shtick, I am a die-hard romantic and I'm saving my virginity even though I'm a guy. I don't care what anybody else says.
It started out with me being very idealistic and thinking it could work. Whenever I had any doubt my girlfriend would tell me she'd take care of my doubts, and that she believed in me and my ideals, and that three years wasn't long to wait because we'd grow old together anyways. It seemed perfect.
We talked every day. It never got old for me, to talk to her.
Two weeks ago it was her birthday. She was excited to see me draw her a picture for her birthday. It was a crappy drawing, but it was from my heart; it was a picture of me and her, stick figures, and me giving her a ring. She said it was cute and she loved it, then she said "brb" and I didn't hear from her for over a week.
I looked for her, tried to contact her in various ways.
Then I found out through a mutual contact, not even a mutual friend, that she didn't want to be with me anymore. I was heartbroken.
Another week passed and she said something to me, I asked her what she was thinking, she gave me zero answers about anything...
Later on I found out she was cheating on me, completely lost interest in me. When I asked her about that, she said "I'm going to lose my virginity to my new boyfriend and I'm going to call a suicide hotline so you don't kill yourself", then I told her I would not kill myself, but I told her I really wanted to die because of how painful that was, and then she said "Me and my new boyfriend are going to ride a canoe on your river of tears you manipulative asshole!" and then she blocked me.
That was just tonight.
Basically, I'm a poor 24 year old guy, and my highest ideal in life is to have a girl that will accept my love for a lifetime. She's also gotta be mostly white like me, and a virgin like me. Why the same race? Because I know what it's like to have NO ethnicity from being a bunch of different ethnicities; everybody just mistakes me for something I'm not. It's painful.
My standards are extremely stringent because of this.
This is just really hard, I will never let go of my beliefs, they are so readily criticized by everybody, and probably a lot by the people who browse here. I have endured years and years of criticism for this stuff, but I can't settle for less, there's no settling for less when it comes to ideals.
I really just needed to get this out...
If anybody has anything to say I'd appreciate it, but not if you're just telling me I'm stupid... I've had enough of that for a lifetime already...
>>1
You are not stupid, just a bit silly.
I won't comment on your breakup, because... well, it doesn't sound real, you aren't telling the whole story.
But Nothing is "for a lifetime", things change, you will change, your girlfriend will change, sometimes those changes make you stop loving. And why the obsession with virginity? It has no impact on relationship, besides not fitting your fairytale fantasy.
Who is criticizing you anyway? I doubt many people care about what you want in a relationship. Not that your beliefs are radical or unusual in the first place.
The few studies that exist on telegony suggest that a female retains the DNA of previous partners inside her brain, potentially affecting future offspring. Is that supposed to be attractive or something? I'm surprised that expressing preference for virgins is so looked down upon by the majority.
>>2
It has a lot of impact. Previous relationships make people start comparing things in their mind, and that is bad for a relationship. There are studies about how women who have had sex with more people end up having a higher chance of divorce.
Ultimately, all meaning is derived from contrast. If you haven't had sex before and you have sex for the first time with somebody, meaning is subconsciously attributed to that. Even moreso if it's mutual. It is romantic. It is not a fairytale fantasy at all. It's my ideal and it's important, and it is totally doable if other people just shared it. It's wrong to think "that's not realistic" and just discount it as a too perfect to be real. You have to aim for what is really the best possible, and live to be a person who can do that.
Things can be for a lifetime if you will it. By having an attitude that nothing is for a lifetime, nothing will be for a lifetime. If you don't want it, you can't have it. I am fully confident that I can love a girl forever, and be utterly loyal to her too. I wish I could prove that, but you'll just have to believe me.
That story is the whole story, but more things happened afterwards. She approached me later and said that she made up that story about cheating on me to make me go away for a while. Now, she says hi to me every day, but we never can start a conversation, and I don't want to. She says she is confused about what she wants. It just hurts to talk to her now.
>>4
Sure, aim for the stars or whatever, but realize when it isn't going to happen and compromise. You won't be an astronaut, drive the latest Ferrari and have a virgin supermodel girlfriend. Welcome to real life.
But maybe you can work in a planetarium, drive Alfa Romeo and have a cute, understanding girlfriend. If virginity is such a huge deal for you, I'm sure you can make it happen, just look for overweight, ugly girls, that never get any attention from man.
The whole idea, that you'll find this one amazing girl, that has been waiting for you all her life and you'll both fall in this beautiful everlasting love... it's silly. That's not how relationships work, at all.
Nevermind it, man.
It's about sharing an ideal. Just as friends are close because they share interests, people who might be partners should be close because they share ideals. If you don't have any ideals at all and care too much about what's "realistic", then there's nothing left to talk about.
Anyways, this girl has started making contact with me again, saying she's anxious and needs somebody to talk to. I told her it's one-sided because I clearly care about her and she clearly does not care about me because she ignores me when I am having some sort of emotional problem and she doesn't feel ashamed at all about just using me, so I've cut contact with her.
I'm really amazed that this girl ended up being like this. What a tragedy.