[Advice] How to cope with the feeling of missing out on love? (19)

1 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-05-29 14:40 ID:EDMfLaRB

How do I deal with this feeling? Most of the time I don't even think about it, and other times I am able to force myself to see it as inspiration (to the tune of "I could do this, too!"), but occasionally I end up completely overwhelmed by grief/despair.

  • I know the first step is to quit using social media, and it's already on its way out (but it's going to take some time to fully wean myself off it)
  • Probably the only cure for this is actually getting a girlfriend myself, which is also in progress...

Any suggestions?

2 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-04 20:35 ID:Heaven

I don't know, but read about what love exactly is.


I just searched for "love hormones". There are testosterone, estrogen, adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin.

Also, I think I managed to actually experience it with jap gaems. This is probably a great way to ruin yourself, even better than with drugs, but what do I care. Games I heard are great but haven't actually played yet are: "Kanon" or "Air" by "Key", "Yosuga no Sora", "Tokimeki Memorial". For games I actually played and liked try "touhou kenchinroku", "baldr sky", "Love Plus" for nintendo ds.

Also if you are a girl and live somewhere nearby I can help with this firsthand. I think social media is actually a number 1 tool in this, sites suck at finding people nearby. I'm too much of a coward to use them though, offline gossip is bad enough, and online one should be 10 times worse.

3 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-05 05:55 ID:Heaven

Also there are a few probably too edgy for some, "teaching feeling", it is nicknamed "headpat simulator" for a reason. And "kodomo no jikan", she clearly has the time of her life cuddling with her teacher. But it's pretty much as vanilla as it can get.

Love between a parent and a child probably has at least some overlap with love of a man and a woman, I know oxytocin is involved in both. This is also the main appeal in owning a dog, or a dakimakura/hug pillow.

4 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-05 05:57 ID:Heaven

Read manga of "kodomo no jikan", anime is cringefest.

5 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-05 08:39 ID:Heaven


6 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-08 22:06 ID:Heaven

        Shitty thread Wasshoi!!
     \\ Shitty thread Wasshoi! //
 +   + \\Shitty thread Wasshoi!/+
        ∬ ∬    ∬ ∬    ∬ ∬  +
   +     人      人      人     +
         (__)    (__)    (__)
  +    (__)   (__)   (__)     +
.   +   ( __ )  ( __ )  ( __ )  +
      ( ´∀`∩ (´∀`∩) ( ´∀`)
 +  (( (つ   ノ (つ  丿 (つ  つ ))  +
       ヽ  ( ノ  ( ヽノ   ) ) )
       (_)し'  し(_)  (_)_)

7 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-10 10:51 ID:Heaven

Good threads isn't the point of this board

8 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-16 02:46 ID:ayuv1Www

>>1 honestly i would advice against leaving social media unless you already have well established social life and friends that can introduce you to new people. i left social media (instagram, facebook) in 2019, having a group of friends. of course i like them a lot but they're the only people i talk to, and watching them get girlfriends is sad. think of it like this: unless you have enough courage to talk to a random person at a bar/whatever, if you don't have social media you're pretty much unfindable in today's world. sucks, i know, but you can try to not get sucked in social media too much. i sometimes wonder if i would have a girlfriend by now if i hadn't deleted everything.

9 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-19 09:31 ID:GwgsR8Tz

I remember basically wooing or asking out two girls in college years ago. I felt bad about being basically rejected for probably too long. It isn't something to feel bad about, especially considering that I am white and that there is a dwindling white population in the US. The one or two who rejected me were blonde. I did get to know two brunette or black haired girls, but that didn't go anywhere.

I don't think I got to know any of the girls that well; they could have very well been dumb or had personalities that I wouldn't be interested in. Sometimes girls confuse their youthful beauty and attractiveness for real self-worth. Physical appearance that most men would be attracted to and is something that a girl didn't work for is not an excellence that stands above the rest. Guys might also confuse physical appearance with real value, which is also dumb.

I had a guy friend whom I knew pretty well, but upon knowing him even further I found that I significantly disliked him even though I sorta liked him an other ways. Friends come and go, and the personality and characteristics of a friend determine how often you interact with him. The same is sorta true with guy-girl relationships. My point is, (1) [ don't feel like you missed out, maybe you just avoided having to get to know someone you would have rather not have gotten to know. ] Maybe you missed out on sex, but sex is probably sorta just bullshit. and (2) [ don't feel bad about being rejected. ]

"dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin" - what is the difference between these?

10 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-20 06:36 ID:Heaven

>what is the difference between these?

Have you read the link?

11 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-21 12:35 ID:Heaven

Related question: Do higher standards help to reduce desperation, or are the two completely unrelated?

12 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-06-21 15:17 ID:Heaven

I heard some theory from the movie "mind games", about how "for all of us to get a girl, we need to stop seeing a difference between girls." I think it is silly, but listen to it anyway. Something about "If we will all go for the hottest girl, she will avoid us. If we will go for other girls after that, they will avoid us too, because nobody wants to be second class. So for all of us to get somebody, the hottest girl needs to disappear". Something like that. I think that's silly. But marketoids probably actually use this strategy, they barely explain what the difference between the products they sell is.

High standards is probably why I'm not married yet. Nay, that's because I'm piss poor, having standards has nothing to do with that. Probably need to find some girl with a good income, they probably exist, somewhere.

13 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-07-04 23:12 ID:Heaven

hire a hooker

14 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-10-20 00:14 ID:TRtShCDY

first of all, don't think about love and don't look forward towards love. It isn't something you obtain, it is something offered to you. There is a thing called The Backwards Law, and that probably worked out for me to some very strange effect, but I won't go into it. Before all of that, work on yourself and try to be as decent of a person as you can be, and that'll be enough to open a lot of doors.

Here's a video by some motherfucker on yt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O42tZse-P6w

15 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-11-09 06:41 ID:Heaven

>if you don't think about sex, you will get it

that's not how it works. Well, sometimes. If people understand what you really want something, they will rise the demands for it, often to absurd degree. That includes women too, sometimes, if they are shit.

16 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-12-09 19:04 ID:9yIM2WfD

I will go through life without ever experiencing "love" and I have accepted that fact, not because I'm a defeatist but because nature and habit have created irreconcilable differences between myself and my fellow humans. I know I am right in thinking and operating in the way that I do and that God is on my side. The systematized, materialistic and demonic world that I inhabit is simply wrong. I am vindicated by the Truth and nothing will change that. If that means that I forfeit many of the social benefits of being of the world, including never finding a romantic partner, then so be it. If God intended me to find love than I would have.

17 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2021-12-13 06:57 ID:Heaven

Experiencing love is very easy, just play some dating sim or something. The waifubaiting is what the anime industry survives on. There is nothing super complicated about love, it is just a combination of 3 hormones. You need to properly define the feeling before you start talking about it. Also love hurts, especially when you can't get what you want, so not loving is actually really good, you should be thankful.

18 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2023-03-09 02:59 ID:fwhuAFCD

You will never get over it. We’re hardcoded to fall in love and desire the opposite sex, so you can’t just get rid of it. But you can mask it! One way is to just look at all the failed relationships and cringe moments and be glad you never embarrassed yourself like that. Just look at all those confession/marriage proposal videos on YouTube and you can feel good about yourself, about not being one of the ignorant masses seduced by their base impulses into making absolute fools of themselves. Sure, there’s always that creeping feeling of self-loathing, but don’t dwell on it and drown it out with arrogance and superiority.

19 Name: Anonymous Counsellor : 2023-03-09 08:25 ID:uEDWtkUb

Sometimes, I wish I could have never experienced love at all. It's worse when you fall in love with someone and watch them die. That feeling of emptiness is a harder pain to deal with for the rest of your life. I believe that we only experience what is called "true love" only once. Sure, someone could meet another person and love them. But it's not that same feeling that you would have had before. Never will be or possibly could be.

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