Dear Squeaks,
I left dinner for you in the fridge, as I'm going to be working the swing shift tonight. Don't forget tomorrow is trash day!
Love,
Mom
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and this mom sucks dick
（つ つ like the rest of those wannabe "Lets make our son like us".
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Mr Squeeksand
I know this mail may meet you as a surprise but i have to start
by introducing myself to you,i am Mr. Name, a merchant in
Dubai, Arab Emirate. I have been diagnosed with Cancer which was
discovered very late, due to my laxity in careing for my health. It has
defiled all forms of medicine, Right now I have only about a few months
to live, according to my Medical Doctor. I have not particularly lived
my life so well, as I never really cared for myself but the oil
business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I only focused
on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret
all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to
have or make all the money in the world.
I believe when God gives me
a second chance and heal me I would live my life a different way from
how I have lived it. I have sowed a seed for my healing I have willed
and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended
family members and as well as a few close friends.
I want God to be
merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give arms
to charity organizations and give succour and comfort to the less
priviledged of the Tsunami Victims, as I want this to be one of the
last good deeds I do on earth.
So far, I have distributed money to
some charity organizations in India and Malaysia. Now that my health
has deteriorated so badly,I cannot do this my self anymore. I once
asked members of my family to close one of my accounts in Saudi Bank
and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization and
to the less priviledged in Bulgaria and Sudan Africa They cashed the
money but kept it only to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them
anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for
them already.
The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge
cash deposit of twenty two million dollars that I have in the Vault of
a Financial company in europe for safe keeping.
I want you to collect
this deposit on my behalf and disburse it to the Tsunami EarthQuake
victims in Asia and hurrican victms in America for the less
priviledged.
I will set aside 20% for you for your time and efforts.
I need your urgent reply so that I will not have to go on sourcing for
a credible person to handle this project.
If you are okey with the
condition, do not hesitate to send me mail (email} so
that i can furnish you up with all the informations needed.
I wish to
hear from you soon.
God bless you.
Mr. Name
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and 20% is not good.
（つ つ I got better deals.
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Date: 1993-09-4810
To: Jay Squeeksand
To the above Tenant and all others now in possession of the below described premises:
You are hereby requested to quit, vacate and deliver possession thereof to the undersigned on or before 09-1825, 1993.
This notice to vacate is due to your following breach of tenancy:
Should you fail, refuse or neglect to pay your rent, cure the breach, or vacate said premises within 15 days from service of this notice, I will take such legal action as the law requires to evict you from the premises. You are to further understand that we shall in all instances hold you responsible for all present and future rents due under your tenancy agreement.
Thank you for you cooperation.
Squeeks:
It's over. Don't call me. Don't IM me, don't message me on gmail. I threw away your things, so don't pretend you want to come over to pick it up.
Don't reply to this in any way, ever.
Love,
Mom
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and it is times like this that I know
（つ つ I can rely on my long-standing friendship with Marty!
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
To: squeeks@4-ch.net
From: （ ｀ハ´） (darkpa@eviloverlords.net)
Subject: All medications to cure yourself!
Date: September 4810, 1993 1:51:48 AM PST
Forget about sexual problems!
-Tired with weak penis?
-Want to have sex all night long?
-Girls don't love you anymore?
Forget about all these problems now! We have an excellent solution for you.
Buy High-quality Viagra or Cialis and save up to 80%!
Cialis as low as $5.67
Viagra Soft Tabs as low as $4.1
Generic Viagra as low as $3.5
Cialis Soft Tabs as low as $5.78
Secure purchase, instant shipping, friendly support at your service!
There is no need to visit your doctor and local drug store anymore!
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・Д・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and I was promised that I would be reached
（つ つ in a confidential manner, Darkpa!!
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
I left dinner for you in the rubbish bin, as I'm going to be working the fridge tonight. Don't forget Tuesday is swing shift night!
Love,
Mum
corrected for authenticity!
Dear Mum,
I get it already!
Love,
Squeeks
Dear Squeeks:
HA HA! I AM USING THE INTERNET!
-Signed
Internet user
Dear Squeeks:
I'm afraid I have bad news. You have terminal bonitis.
-Signed
Your doctor.
Deer Squeeks
and lion roars
Dear Squeeks,
Summer camp is a lot of fun, and I'm getting along with all of my new bunk mates. We went swimming today, and later on we're going to play something called box lacrosse.
Thank you for sending me the candy. The counselors saw it, and made me share it with everyone, which really stunk, but now everyone is really friendly with me. Can you please send more?
I hope you're having as much fun as I am this summer!
yours truly,
Marty
Dear Squeeks,
Today I met another man in downtown new york. For some reason my previous boyfriend doesn't call me anymore. People in New York are sure hard to understand. But it's great! I love it here, I'm free!
Love,
Hinako
PS: Please be quick with that western union transfer (^_^)Z
Dear Squeeks,
Hi! I'm a long time reader, first time emailer!
I've been staring at digital cameras for a while, and somehow cannot make up my mind! Should I go with Nikon or Canon? It's so confusing, with all these lenses and memories and megapixels and stabilizers, I'm in a tizzy! Mr. Squeeks, they say that you're a smart guy who knows all about this stuff and things. Can you please give me a word of advice?
Sincerely,
Confused Shutterbug
Dear Squeeks,
I've been visiting and participating in your site and bulletin board for some time now. Sadly, I have noticed a trend for the worse.
I suggest you provide some sort of registration on your site so we can know who is posting what and act accordingly.
Sincerely,
Russ
Dear Russ,
My name is Squeeks and enclosed you'll find one bag of dicks. Eat it.
Most sincerely,
Squeeks
Dear Squeeks,
They are delicious dicks! I must eat them!
Russ
>>22-23 try harder
>>3 Cheque is in the post as you requested. Thank you for your business.
>>5 In compliance with your form 9 submission I hearby tell you to go stick it, I'm taking it to RTA's appeal committe.
>>6 About time.
>>8 Girls, what?
>>15 Bugger.
>>17 Stop sending me this shit or I'll start calling the police.
>>18 Hold up your end of the deal, then you get your money.
>>19 For a compact, go for a Canon. Cheaper, better quality, Nikon are hopeless at compact cameras. For DSLR's, it's divded. Canon is cheaper and has much less noise on their sensors, but Nikon has badge value and also some really good lenses.
>>21 No.
>>25 fail.
Dear Squeeks,
Yesterday I went to the sushi stand over at the train station while I was wearing the 4-ch.net t-shirt that you had mailed me. The guy behind the stand stared at it, then glared at me, and overcharged me for my pocky.
I consider this to be a flawless victory. Thank you, squeeks!
Love,
Oslo Sunni
Dear Squeeks,
Do you ever wish VIP and DQN would stop waging war with each other?
Love,
moot
Dear Squeeks:
No one has heard from Jeremy in weeks, and we're beginning to get kind of anxious. You've always been the one closest to him, so has he gotten in touch with you lately? Michelle is beginning to freak out about this, and I want to nip any drama in the bud before it starts screwing up my life.
Beyond that, how are you doing? Keep in touch, damnit!
Your friend,
Nilam Patel
Dear squeeks,
Will you at least let me have one taste of your hat?
Dear Squeeks,
4chan is down, so is 7chan
Anonymous
╭‑╮
╒╧═╲ DEAR SQUEEKS. SURRENDER
〕Д 〔
╭‑╮
╒╧═╲ SURRENDER
〕Д 〔
╭‑╮
╒╧═╲ BUT DON'T GIVE YOURSELF AWAY
〕Д 〔
Dear Squeeks,
Is Milhouse a meme?
-A Concerned Bystander
Dear Squeeks,
Did my sister gave you a bj?
She said no, but i don't belive her.
Dear Squeeks,
Did my sister gave you a bj?
She said no, but i don't believe her.
Re: http://www.myspace.com/squEEKS
Dear Squeeks,
You look different from what I expected. Go away.
Junior
Re: http://www.myspace.com/squEEKS
Dear Squeeks,
You look different from what I expected. When can we meet? I'll pay for the air fare.
Grandpa
yo squick
I be in need of dat lov suga yo got hidin der fo me.
Lulu Jermaphy
>>42 is 4chan down or something?
why these idiots are coming here?
>>43
It was. It's up now, but for some reason, the VIPPERS and /b/tards won't go away.
Dear squeeks:
I just wanted to take the time to express appreciation for this fine forum that you have provided for all of us to share our experiences and ideas. As a friendly community, 4-ch.net is near the top!
Sincerely,
your friend,
winter
Dear >>44
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu
Love,
/b/
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and did somebody say DESU?
（つ つ Because I thought I heard someone say DESU!
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Winter,
We called it yesterday and now it's up 100%! Brand new
issue, Cana Petroleum, heading straight up!
VERY tightly held, in a booming business sector, with a
huge publicity campaign starting up, Cana Petroleum (CNPM)
is already bringing our readers huge gains. We advise you
to get in on this one as well and ride it to the top!
Symbol: CNPM
Current Price: 5.87
Projected Price: $15.40
／l、
(ﾟ､ ｡ ７ - What willhappen [insert adjective]>>50 get?
l、 ~ヽ
じしf_, )ノ
Dear Squeeks,
There's a piece of meat caught between my teeth and I don't know where it came from, but it's REALLY spicy.
Anyhow, I'm coming in next month. Can I crash on your couch for a few days?
Lemme know!
Consuela
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks, and No , U >>52
（つ つ
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks:
I want to believe in you and your miraculous powers, I really do. I was raised in a devout Tannasinn home, and as long as I remember have been hearing about your divine nature and limitless compassion. You turned water into wine, healed lepers, and even raised dead threads. I know you have boundless abilities. I also know that your compassion compels you to assist those who suffer, and to hear their agonized prayers.
I have been ceaselessly praying to you for over three years now Squeeks, yet still my prayer remains unanswered. Please tell me: Why won’t you run over my co-worker Renee with an 18 ton cement truck? Every day is another eternity of listening to Renee talk about her mildly retarded, morbidly obese child and her husband’s swollen testicles and ass-boils. I am suffering beyond the point of endurance. Please make manifest your divine Love and Grace by sending a cement truck of mercy to squash Renee flat in all your love and wisdom.
Thank you in advance -
Heidi
v 人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks, and we don't do religion here >>54
（つ つ
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
I was out in the garden today, turning it over and putting down manure so that it will compost over the winter, and for some reason, i kept thinking about you for some reason. Isn't that funny?
I miss you so. Won't you please call or write to me? All is forgiven. I'll never bring 'it' up again, I promise.
Love,
Renee
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks, and you couldn't bring 'it' up
（つ つ to begin with and that's why I dumped your ass!
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
This render is taking way too long. Should I restart it with radiosity turned off and just accept the lowered realism? It's for a scifi project, if that helps.
Kisses,
freelance polygon monkey
Dear Squeeks,
Do you have a girlfriend or someone you like? I have light crushes on two girls currently, but I'm not really interested in anyone, myself.
-Random Anonymous
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ >>59 My name is Squeeks, and please... this is
（つ つ not some 4-ch board!
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ >>58 My name is Squeeks and although radiosity has many potentially lucrative uses, the field of
（つ つ sci-fi art in particular is notorious for its stylized art style which emphasizes form above all
｜ ｜ | even at the expense of lighting. It's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs.
（_＿）＿） What this all really means, though, is that you, >>58, should just stick with the default options.
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks, and I think you just wanted to say
（つ つ "potentially lucrative"
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
When am I gonna get paid? I've been doing this job fulltime since forever!
from,
MODD
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and I pay monthly.
（つ つ
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
in rape dollars.
人 人 人
（＿_） （＿_） （＿_）
（＿＿）＿＿ （＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）・∀・( ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・）===（ ・∀・）＜ My name is Squeeks and what is love?
（つ つ （つ O つ Baby don't hurt me.
｜ ｜ | ｜ ｜ | Don't hurt me
（_＿）＿） （_＿）＿） No more~
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and the preview thing doesn't really work.
（つ つ Take that hard work and effort!
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
Just what am I supposed to do with this vegemite stuff anyway? It smells really strange...
Sincerely,
Emerich
Dear Squeeks,
Every day, I log onto www.becauseitswinter.com and delete spam posts, and move spam threads into the spam forum... Every day, I spend at least 15-30 minutes just cleaning up, and I've come to realize that no one actually posts any more. It's disheartening, and I've decided that having a phpBB2 forum just is not a proper solution for our friendly community. I need to replace it with something that the world's mitten enthusiasts and friendly people will truly enjoy... but what?
I have to admit that I'm fresh out of ideas, and my enthusiasm is waning by the day. Can you please offer me some guidance?
Your friend,
winter
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and but you were oh so
（つ つ eager to start that site last year.
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks:
I tried to text you, but cingular hates your tiny island nation.
Sadly,
winter
Dear Squeeks,
christianityってなんだよ？
それとSEEDに関して酷評が目立つが
そこまで嫌いなら無理して話の種にするなよ
なぜそこまでして叩くか分からない
-日本人
Dear Squeeks,
How do you type with boxing gloves on?
Love,
Your #1 Fan
Dear Squeeks,
On behalf of the nominating committee, I would like to congratulate you for being chosen as a finalist! Please fill out the affidavit of acceptance and send it back to us within 10 days.
Sincerely yours,
George Herrimann
Producer, Star Search Australia
PS: How the heck do you DO that?! We still can't figure it out!
Dear Squeeks,
After much thought, we have decided to use a different software vendor for our file dump. Thank you for all of your time and information you have sent to us. Hope you have a great New Year and God Bless.
Sincerely yours,
Monica Ingals
Dear Squeeks,
Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Signed,
Indigo Montoya.
Dear Squeeks,
The 5 of us have unanimously decided to vote you out of the Superstructure. Please leave before we summon damage control units.
Dearest Squeeks,
Just a note wishing you and yours a Happy New Year, filled with joy and hope and love and mittens and stuff like that.
Red envelopes are on the way!
Love,
Your Friends Everywhere
ps: I need my snow blower back. Why the hell did you borrow it anyway?!
>>80
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My Name is Squeeks and how can you see when your eyepieces are below your eyes?
（つ つ
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks:
I remade http://www.becauseitswinter.com using kareha instead of phpBB2. I left the old forums intact, but hopefully this will be a new dawn for SADS sufferers everywhere, and our friendly community will once again thrive.
Thank you for your gentle words of encouragement and wise guidance that got us all through those dark times, and I hope you will continue to consider me
Your friend,
winter
>>83
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and this new forum lacks registration.
（つ つ I find it distasteful. Try SMF http://www.simplemachines.org/
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
Critical Care & Chan International Kick Off Joint Marketing and Sales. Company : Critical Care Inc.
Symbol : CTCX
Price : 0.92
3 Day Estimate : 3.50
Status : S trong b u y.
The First steps of the merger between CTCX and Chan international are being kicked off as they open 2007 with the merging of the sales and marketing departments.
These two companies are perfectly suited and CTCX's recent change in direction has excited investors and pushed share prices up leaps and bounds.Watch for BlG NEWS all week long.
Play SMART and make it wih us
THIS ONE IS GONNA START YOUR TRADING YEAR OFF RIGHT. 人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and I am reluctant to affiliate with Chan International.
（つ つ
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
I think I left my diaphragm in your night table, and I really need it for this weekend. Can you bring it over on your lunch break?
Thanks!
Amberly
Dear Squeeks,
Please pay the damage control guys on time. I'm tired of seeing hzaradous waste spills all over this board. Please be sure to pay them before the percloric acid dissolves all of the mittens
＿＿ ＿＿
／ ☣ ＼ ／ ☣ ＼
〔 （◢◎◣）〕 〔 （◢◎◣）〕 If Squeeks doesn't cough up soon, there may be downsizing.
（つ㍍ づ （つ㍍ づ
｜ ｜ | ｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿） （_＿）＿）
＿＿ ＿＿
／ ☣ ＼ ／ ☣ ＼
〔 （◢◎◣）〕 〔 （◢◎◣）〕 Oh no!~~
（_＿）＿） （_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks,
I was reading an old Tiger Beat magazine, and I realized our young female teen readers know nothing at all about the real you! This really has to be corrected for all of those girls who have pictures of you taped onto their mirrors back at home.
Therefore, can you please send us a list of things that you like, dislike, and what you are looking for in that 'special girl'?
Please try to get it in by the end of the month, and we can sneak it into the Valentine's Day issue!
To whom it may concern:
As of 07/01/01, I am not responsible for any debts except those directly incurred by myself.
Thank you, St. Jude for favours granted.
To whom it may concern:
As of 07/01/01, I am not responsible for any debts including those directly incurred by myself.
Thank you, St. Squeeks for favours granted.
To whom it may concern:
As of 93/09/4505, I am not responsible for any debts including those directly incurred by myself.
Thank you, St. Squeeks for favours granted.
"St. Squeeks, please assist me in these difficult financial circumstances. I beg you to shine the light on the resources that I need to help meet my debts and satisfy my pressing obligations."
Say this novena three times daily during the month of September, and your prayers will be answered. You must publish your request or thanks and encourage devotion to St. Squeeks.
Dear Squeeks,
Here are some "facts" I've heard about you:
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Squeeks has allowed to live.
Squeeks has counted to infinity. Twice.
The leading causes of death in Australia are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Squeeks 3. Cancer
When you play Monopoly with Squeeks, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
Squeeks did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Squeeks can speak Braille.
Are these true?
人
（＿_）
（＿＿）
（ ＿＿ ）
（ ・∀・） ＜ My name is Squeeks and it's as true as the nose on your face.
（つ つ
｜ ｜ |
（_＿）＿）
Dear Squeeks:
Just as I promised you, I have the Anna Nicole Simpson autopsy pictures, and I'm giving you first crack at them. Better make your best offer fast, or I'm going to sell them to rotten.com.
This might be your only chance of making internet history. Lead, follow, or get out of the way, beeyatch! Just to 'whet your appetite' I've attached a little blurry gif so you can see the quality of the goods.
Anyway, you know my paypal account. Get Cracking!
Raul
Dear Squeeks,
6.You mean the world to someone.
7. Without you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique, in your own way.
9. Someone that you don't know even exists, loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever,something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.
13. Always remember complements you received, forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel, then they'll know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they're great.
16. You must be a great friend, because someone gave this too you.
If you care about them, send it back.
**SEND THIS LETTER TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CARE ABOUT, YOU WON'T GET ANY GOOD LUCK, AND YOUR CRUSH WON'T SUDDENLY LIKE YOU, BUT YOU'LL BRIGHTEN UP SOMEONE'S DAY, AND MIGHT CHANGE THEIR PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE