[VIOLENCE] ITT we decide who would win the fight set up by the poster above us (507)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 00:15

Clonepa or Superman?

242 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9535 15:01

>>241
Bob is a martial arts expert from a fighting game, whereas Bozo has no combat experience whatsoever, as best I can tell. This is an easy win for Bob.

>>243
A kakapo vs a fairy penguin.

243 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 13:44

>>242
Kakapo. While both can't fly, the kakapo has fighting skills which can be compared to those of a rooster. It can sway its wings, jump forward and intimidate the enemy, while the fairy penguin is clumsy and weak.

>>244
Dora the Explorer VS Kim Jong Un.

244 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 17:16

>>243
Dora is a seasoned explorer, with experience surviving in the wild and handling dangerous animals, while Kim is a coddled old man who's clearly never seen action. There are also reports suggesting the Supreme Leader has various limiting health conditions, including diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. My money's definitely on Dora.

>>245
Elves vs. dwarves. Assume equal numbers on both sides, and the battleground is neither underground nor in a forest.

245 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 17:37

>>244
Dwarfs are physically resistant to magic while elves are not physically resistant to a cannonball to the face. Plus, Dwarfs won the War of the beard.

>>246
John Lennon vs. Vladimir Lenin. Assume they've both been resurrected at the heights of their physical capabilities.

246 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 19:48

>>245
I've got to go with Vlad on this one. As far as I can tell, Lenin survived at least one shooting and Lennon survived zero.

>>247
Three copies of Karl Marx vs. the Marx brothers (only Groucho, Chico, and Harpo). All resurrected to the physical condition they were in at age 35.

247 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 20:08

>>246 The Marx brothers would do a comedy skit about capitalism. The Karl Marx clones would laugh at the show. When one Marx brother would step off stage, he would plant an explosive cigar on a Karl Marx clone. The result would be a win for the Marx brothers.

>>246 Patchouli (Touhou) vs Sailor Mercury. Which 2d bookworm is better?

248 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 00:42

>>247
In terms of their powers, Patchouli has the obvious advantage here. She can command earth, which overcomes water in the Wuxing cycle. All of Ami's attacks and abilities are are water-based, so that gives her a severe handicap (unless the swords she makes out of water, or the Sailor Star Tambo, don't count as elemental.)

There's room for argument based on the facts that danmaku isn't particularly serious fighting compared to that which the Sailor Scouts do, and that Ami's physical stamina exceeds Patchouli's, but Stage 4 is going to be her toughest challenge in EoSD. I'm predicting Patchu will foil, at minimum, Ami's first 1CC attempt.

>>249
The guy who posted "dicks out for Hara​mbe" in every single thread on 4-ch vs. the guy who's been starting shitloads of threads about COO​MERs

249 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 01:55

>>248
Gorilla. Both jokes were spread and overused throughout every forum and social medias, but "dicks out" as a phrase has a lot of impact.

>>250
Renaissance paintings vs. ASCII art characters.

250 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 10:40

>>249
ASCII art characters can call for endless copy/pasted reinforcements, whereas renaissance paintings take days, at least, to produce more of. Also, ASCII art characters are frequently depicted with rocket launchers, tanks, comically oversized hammers, etc., whereas the most a renaissance painting will get is a guy on horseback with a sword or something. The renaissance paintings, outnumbered and outgunned, would fall quickly.

>>251
Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata vs Hiiragi Tsukasa & Hiiragi Kagami.

251 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9721 14:11

>>250
Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata for sure. Not only is Konata more popular, she is also smarter than the Hiiragi sisters combined, while Miyuki's moe level would destroy their self-esteem.

>>252
Barbie vs He-Man.

252 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9721 21:06

>>251
He-Man is an honourable gentleman, and would never attack an unarmed lady. Barbie may lack any corresponding compunction, but she also lacks any plausible way of defeating the most powerful man in the universe. The result would be a stalemate.

>>253
Daniel (Amnesia: The Dark Descent) vs Oswald Mandus (Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs) vs Simon Jarett (SOMA)

253 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9808 19:02

>>252
Daniel is a pansy who's afraid of the dark, so he's definitely losing this fight. Oswald is the only one of the three who actually kills one of his enemies -- although he does so indirectly, via electrocution. Simon does have (potentially) two copies, which would be a substantial advantage, however he's rather a pansy too, and almost completely helpless without Catherine. Furthermore, Oswald is shown to have a very good understanding of mechanics and electricity, so he can likely find a way to disable or kill Simon, provided there's stuff in the environment to work with. I think Mandus is most likely to come out on top.

>>254
All the colossi from Shadow of the Colossus vs all the divine beasts and guardians from Breath of the Wild.

254 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9818 07:39

>>253
While intimidating, all the colossi are defeated by a random teenage boy with an ordinary sword he's mediocre at using, while the divine beasts and guardians can only be defeated by a legendary Hero of Time likely equipped with potent weaponry (or possibly with a tree branch, but still a tree branch in the hands of a legendary hero.)

The clincher is that there are a mere 16 colossi, while there are 172 guardians of various types. Even though some (about 70) are immobile, I predict them murderizing the colossi quickly with sheer numbers, without the divine beasts even having to enter the fray.

>>255
Odin vs. oden.

255 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9818 09:39

>>254
In the Prose Edda it is said that Odin doesn't eat anything, and gives all the food on his table to his wolves, Geri and Freki. Whether that would count as "winning a fight" against a bowl of oden is a little ambiguous, but I'd say so.

>>256
A gelatinous cube vs a mimic.

256 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9820 05:37

>>255
Assuming D&D Logic, cubes are acidic. (they're basically a giant stomach made out of jam, so they have to be.) Therefore, even if the mimic was physically large enough to not be immediately engulfed by the cube, it's attempt to eat it would end extremely badly.

>>257
J.C. Denton vs. Desert Punk. Both have all their gadgets, augmentations and other assorted tricks, though it's strictly 1 vs. 1. To make the battle fair, it takes place in a forest during the day, and both competitors have to use civilian-grade weaponry generously donated by an American gun store.

257 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9820 07:25

>>256
Depends largely on Denton's build. If he puts his skill points in rifles and takes the ballistic protection, cloak, regeneration and vision enhancement augs, I'd put my money on him, especially if Desert Punk stubbornly insists on still using a Winchester 1897 like daddy while JC opts for more advanced weaponry (say, an AR-15 if it has to be from 2020, not 2052.) Notably, his augmented vision can likely neutralize a number of the Punk's favored tricks, like the balloons and smoke bombs.

If JC went for Computers, Swimming, Microfibral Muscle and Environmental Resistance, his difficulty hitting a human-sized target's center of mass with a pistol from 20 paces will pose little threat to Desert Punk.

>>258
Masaki Michishita vs. Takakazu Abe.

258 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9821 21:51

>>257
My first instinct was to just go with whoever's the top, but rereading the original work, it seems they both take turns. Nonetheless, Abe is clearly the more confident and experienced of the two, has a more physical profession, and appears to be more muscular, so I think he's the most likely to win by far.

>>259
You vs your own childhood trauma.

259 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 14:03

>>258
I lose to my childhood trauma. I often have a difficult time falling asleep, not waking up, and being burnt by eternal hell fire. Fire and brimstone sermons still have me over 25 years later.

>>260
Kim Yo-Jong vs Park Geun-hye

260 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 15:28

>>259
Kim Yo-Jong is at least half of Park Geun-hye's age, and she's got that hardcore North Korean edge to her. Also she has a dictatorship's military behind her. Easy victory and futile nuclear barrage goes to Kim Yo-Jong.

>>261
Corona-chan vs Ebola-kun

261 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 18:58

>>260
Ebola definitely puts on a better show for the audience, with the dramatic bleeding and high mortality rate, but there's just no arguing with Corona's ruthless, insidious spread.

>>262
A man with no legs vs a man with no arms.

262 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9844 01:15

>>261
Assuming neither is allowed any weaponry, kicks have much stronger force than punches, so my money is on the guy with no arms. Leggy will also have the advantage in mobility. However, should leggy not immediately win the fight within the first few kicks, he could prove vulnerable to being grappled and even toppled by Mr. Arms. I'd still give it to Leggy, though, as in a fight, the initiator generally has the upper hand, and Leggy definitely would be the initiator.

>>263
A cyber-punk (A punk who dresses like he's from a mid-nineties interpretation of the near future) vs. a steam-punk (a punk who glued brass cogs to everything he owns.)

263 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9844 19:47

>>262
Assuming the only difference is how they dress (i.e. the cyberpunk doesn't get any cybernetic enhancements, the steampunk doesn't get any fancy wrist-mounted crossbows, etc.) cyberpunk clothing is typically much lighter and more mobile than the heavy, metallic steampunk clothing, so I'd be inclined to give it to the cyberpunk.

>>264
"Doc" Eriko Kamata (Texhnolyze) vs Dr Ritsuko Akagi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

264 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9891 21:16

>>263
Doc, simply because she's hotter.

>>265
Foo Fighters vs a foo.

265 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9892 21:47

>>264
The Foo Fighters outnumber the foo, and have been specifically trained to fight foos, so they will win easily.

>>266
A bus driver vs a postman.

266 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9893 00:37

>>265
Bus drivers are war-torn heroes, dealing with small, rowdy children, or meth addicted schizos depending on the type. Postmen are just mail-deliverers. So definitely the bus driver.

>>267
A pig vs a goat

267 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9893 02:23

>>266
Gotta be the pig. They're bigger and smarter and willing to eat shit to survive.

>>268
A horny rhino vs a hungry hippo

268 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 10:01

>>267
The extensive research I have done (watching a 30 second video on youtube) indicates that, sans adjectives, a hippo has the upper hand against a rhino. Making the rhino horny wouldn't improve its combat ability significantly, but a hungry hippo (as long as it's not starving) may become fiercer. I think the hungry hippo wins out.

>>269
The current heads of state of the last two nations you have set foot in (poster's choice if this is ambiguous or not well-defined). The location is the rocks where Kirk fought the Gorn. No prep time or modern weapons, but plenty of suspiciously-convenient natural resources.

269 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:41

>>268
Guðni Jóhannesson, Iceland's President, could easily overpower the Queen of England. It wouldn't even be a contest.

>>270
John Stalvern vs John Freeman

270 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:47

>>268
I have never set foot in another nation, but I believe my shoes were made in China. If that counts, then I guess Xi Jinping wins this one.

>>270
A handicapped Winnie the Pooh vs a homosexual.

271 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:57

I messed up. >>269 wasn't here when I arrived.
>>269
John Freeman, since Stalvern will be kill by demons.

>>272
8-bit hentai gifs vs YouTube's appealing thumbnails.

272 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 23:14

>>271
Hentai gifs are alluring, entertaining, and give you exactly what you want. Youtube thumbnails may be superficially enticing, but they're all empty promises with no substance.

>>273
King of Pentacles vs Queen of Wands vs Knight of Cups vs Page of Swords.

273 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9895 02:26

>>272
Not knowing a damn thing about the historical meaning of any of those things, I'm going to bet on the guy with swords. (Seriously, what's a knight going to do with a cup?)

>>274
(*߁[) vs ( -) vs ( )

274 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9895 10:30

>>272 Who would win in a fight though‽

>>273 ( -) lets (*߁[) and ( ) duke it out then steals the win at the end

>>275 Tablecat vs. Zombie Longcat

275 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9896 22:33

>>274
Tablecat is limited to his table, while Longcat travelled through every corner of the world. Plus he's longer, so he'd definitely win.

>>276
2B vs. Tifa Lockhart.

276 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9899 23:55

>>275 Tifa Lockheart crushes the others with the best Oppai of any RPG

>>277 Usagi Tsukino vs Usagi Yojimbo.

277 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9926 12:38

>>276
If by Usagi Yojimbo you mean the protagonist of the series, Miyamoto Usagi, then I think it would be an easy win for Tsukino, given that she has magical powers and he doesn't, as far as I can tell. If you mean that she has to fight the entire Usagi Yojimbo franchise, I think it may be a stalemate, as I can't see any clear way either could harm the other.

>>278
You with a kitchen knife attached to your nose vs an adult emperor penguin with a kitchen knife attached to its beak. The fight takes place on land. Assume you cannot disarm the penguin. You cannot detach your own knife, but you are not obligated to use it, and can fight with hands and feet if you prefer. The penguin understands how to use its knife, and is trying to kill you, but otherwise is a mundane penguin without any special intelligence or training.

278 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9926 20:20

>>277
I'd win.
Given that the penguin is still a common and irrational creature, I'd run away until I reached a penguin of the opposite sex that aroused its instincts. As it gets distracted, I'd hug it from behind and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab.

>>278
An angered elderly mathematics professor vs. a hungry overweight lady on a mart cart, both fighting over a pack of sausages.

279 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9927 18:38

>>278
The maths professor is likely to be faster and more agile, so if he can just grab it and run, he'll easily be taking home his meaty prize. On the other hand, the overweight woman is likely to have greater strength, and has what is effectively a motorised battering ram to try to knock the gentleman off balance. Unless the mathematician can get the element of surprise, I'm inclined to say the woman will be the one dining well tonight.

>>280
Alpha Hatsuseno (Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou) vs Akari Mizunashi (Aria)

280 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 11:27

>>279
They are girlfriends...

>>281
September 9999 vs September 10000

281 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:20

>>280
10000 has more digits, but that makes them less dextrous. With fewer fingers, 9999 strikes swiftly and has the upper hand.

>>282
>>282 vs >>283

282 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:53

>>281
Obviously me. That other nerd doesn't even exist yet.

>>283
>>282 vs >>283.

283 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 15:45

>>282
I think you've got this, mate

>>284
The Easter Bunny vs the Moon Rabbit.

284 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 16:29

>>283
The Moon Rabbit would pound the Easter Bunny's ass like it was nothing

>>285
100 Italians or 70 Russians? The battle must take place on neutral ground.

285 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 23:55

>>284
The Russians, no contest. It would be a bloodbath.

>>286
Reimu Hakurei vs Marisa Kirisame vs Sakuya Izayoi vs Youmu Konpaku vs Sanae Kochiya.

286 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10067 23:18

>>286
I don't know any of those characters so the winner would be (rolls d6) Youmu Konpaku through clever use of a digital watch.

>>287
A shooting hobo vs. a stabbing hobo, both starting out hidden.

287 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 00:29

>>286
Since you never bring a knife to a gunfight, the stabbing hobo has the element of surprise and wins.

>>288
Slavoj Žižek vs Plato

288 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 01:13

>>287
Plato, as he was a wrestler and Zizek can barely breathe.

>>289
The Hamburgler vs Moon Man

289 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 19:53

>>288
It's a good time for the great taste - dinner! At McDonald's, it's Mac Tonight!

>>290
Peep-flavored Pepsi vs Coca-Cola Clear

290 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10070 21:55

>>289
If mixed together, the Pepsi would presumably overpower the Coca-Cola in terms of both taste and colour. Does that count as winning a fight? I don't know, but let's say yes.

>>291
A colossal squid vs a great white shark. Fight takes place on land.

291 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10070 23:39

>>290
The squid is likely to have server structural damage from the difference in pressure from its native habitat. Great shark wins by surviving longer, perhaps even enough to flop back into the ocean.

>>292
briefs vs long johns

292 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10071 01:39

>>291
Long johns have the length, but briefs have the strength... it's almost a hard tie, but I say long johns
>>293
micheal jackson vs elvis

293 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10072 12:27

>>292
Presley spent two years serving in the US army, was apparently quite skilled in karate, and was not shy about using amphetamines to supplement his physical abilities. Jackson, meanwhile, as far as I can tell had no fighting experience of any sort, and was known to have quite a weak constitution. I reckon this would be an easy win for Elvis.

As an aside, while looking up stuff for this answer, I found out that Michael Jackson was briefly married to Elvis Presley's daughter, which I did not know.

>>294
EVA unit 01 vs the ender dragon from Minecraft. Assume the EVA is not connected to power and has only its internal battery. The fight takes place on the end island with all crystals active.

294 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10093 01:34

>>293 I will say the minecraft guy wins

>>295 confucius quotes versus buddha quotes?

vc:inane

295 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10093 16:41

>>294
I googled and here were the top 3 results for each:

Confucius:
*Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you.
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.*

Buddha:
*Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.*

Confucius sounds like a real pussy, whereas Buddha sounds kinda like a bad-ass martial artist. Buddha quotes are the obvious winner.

>>296
Kirby from Smash 64 VS Bayonetta from Smash 4

296 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10098 11:10

>>295
Kirby would do that thing where he inhales his enemy and then spits them out under the stage so they can't get back up again. Bayonetta would fall, helpless, into the void.

>>297
Maiden in Black (Demon's Souls) vs Emerald Herald (Dark Souls II) vs Fire Keeper (Dark Souls III) vs the Doll (Bloodborne)

297 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 12:34

>>296
First things first, the Fire Keeper has no eyes by default, and the Doll is inanimate unless you have at least one insight (which the other three presumably do not), so they're both functionally out of the fight. Physically, the Emerald Herald looks to be in much better shape -- the Maiden in Black is frail and leans on a wooden staff -- however the Maiden has a demon inside her(?) and can exert enough power over the Old One to send it to sleep, so she almost certainly has some sort of weird bullshit power she could bring out if she needed to. I reckon the Maiden would win.

>>298
Howl (Howl's Moving Castle) vs Haku (Spirited Away, in dragon form)

298 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 20:01

>>297
I have a soft spot for bishonen, so Howl.

>>299
Siri vs Cortana vs Clippy vs Bonzi Boddy vs ELIZA?

299 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10207 11:25

>>298
Clippy is (as far as I know?) the only one of these who actually harasses you unprompted, rather than just responding to user commands. This initiative will give him the upper hand, allowing him victory.

>>300
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (as they were at their height, assume their magic is actually functional) vs Golden Dawn (Greek neo-Nazi organisation)

300 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10239 13:55

>>299
Golden Dawn has actually murdered people, whereas the magic golden dawn doesnt look that dangerous and kinda geeky honestly, so the Nazis, easily.

>>301
Chris-Chan vs Jonty Bravery (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50692100)

301 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10239 21:28

>>300
Bravery has attempted murder and, based on actions and quotes, comes across as genuinely psychopathic. Chandler is clearly seriously mentally ill, but doesn't seem particularly cruel or violent. I would be inclined to give it to Bravery.

>>302
Antlion guard (Half Life 2) vs Vordt of the Boreal Valley (Dark Souls III)

302 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10334 23:02

>>301
The antlion guard has 500 HP, whereas Vordt of the Boreal Valley has 1328 HP (according to their respective wikis) and a significant size and mobility advantage... But Vordt also has silly segmented armor, and loses by virtue of inelegance!

>>303
Konpaku Youmu's ghost half (Touhou Project) vs. Cumsprite (Oglaf)

303 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10334 23:56

>>302
Youmu, by the virtues of (A) being Touhou and (B) not being Oglaf (faggot).

>>304
Your landlord or some tweaker you paid $500

304 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 00:19

>>303
Some tweaker I paid $500.
I know because I've tested this in real life, only with a tweaker I paid $20. If a $20 tweaker can beat my landlord, I'm sure a $500 tweaker will be 25 times as potent.

>>305
The soft squish poster from SAoVQ vs. a girl with no squish whatesoever to speak of

305 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 11:03

>>304
Girl with no squish. Look me in the eye and tell me you think a person who has an identity around posting "soft squish" on an obscure internet forum would not instantly faint if any real life girl looked at him for more than three seconds.

>>306
You vs your most recent ex, both armed with rapiers. Fight takes place on a cliff edge in the middle of a storm.

306 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 13:47

>>305
I would win because my ex doesn't exist and therefore has no arm with which to swing their rapier, giving me the clear advantage.

>>307
japanese old boy vs Golgomois

307 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 14:05

>>305
I win by default.

>>307
A man with diarrhea vs a masturbation addict over the last empty stall in a bathroom.

308 Name: vc: shett : 1993-09-10335 16:02

>>307
The man with diarrhea can use his own shit for propulsion, but the addict can use his cum aswell. I'd say they'd both get in at the same time, and the addict would cum all over the other's shit.

>>309
A nile crocodile vs Sailor Jupiter

309 Name: (_ : 1993-09-10335 16:20

>>307
A man with diarrhea, because masturbation addict would rather masturbate in public anyway.

>>308
Depends on a genre.

>>310
C++ vs C#

310 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 21:22

>>309
C++ swings its ++ like a sword. C# brings its # up to block, but too slow! C++ wins.

>>311
Kobolds vs goblins

311 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 22:04

>>310
Kobold is cut apart by paladin who carries goblin around as portable onahole.

>>312
Crocodile vs. Crocs-branded plastic sandal

312 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10336 00:15

>>311
A crocodile would have a very easy time defeating the Croc brand sandal. However I've run this simulation 1000 times and in 3 of those the crocodile suffocated on the sandal and died leading to a no contest.

>313

Crunch vs crisp

313 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10337 13:27

>>312
The crisp is crunched.

>>314
A weeaboo vs a TTRPG nerd.

314 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10340 02:57

>>313
Weeaboo brings out his Samurai sword, unfortunately he has little practice and in his attempt to show off by spinning the sword around he accidentally cuts into his leg. The TTRPG nerd didn't even finish his strength roll.

>>315
A chicken vs a woman.

315 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10433 21:50

>>314
Chickens can be pretty vicious, for sure, but their beaks and claws are too small to do any lethal damage to a human. The woman, meanwhile, could pretty easily grab the chicken by the neck and strangle it or smash its head against a rock, without it having much opportunity to fight back.

>>316
Ornstein vs Smough

316 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 00:19

>>314
Smough. He's only two letters away from though.
Thoughers always win

317 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 10:43

>>318
A lesbian (homosexual woman) vs a Lesbian (resident of the island of Lesbos)

318 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 15:44

>>317
neither, the vibrator
>>319
300 chihuahuas or one tiger

319 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 20:15

>>318
Tigers are ambush predators specialised for taking down singular, large animals, so the tiger would be somewhat out of its comfort zone here. On the other hand, chihuahuas, while very vocal, are not remotely trained or bred for violence. I could well imagine the tiger running out of stamina, but I couldn't imagine the chihuahuas effectively capitalising on this weakness -- even against an incapacitated tiger, they would have difficulty landing any kind of killing blow. I would be inclined to give it to the tiger.

>>320
You armed with a glaive (or other polearm of your choice) vs an alligator.

320 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 20:39

>>319
The alligator. I'm a fucking PUSSY!

>>321
Audiobook vs Keyboard

321 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 21:33

>>320
keyboard. im a keyboard warrior
>>322
wojak versus pepe

322 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10435 16:17

>>321
Wojak has survived and morphed to this day, and has become very popular from its humble origins as a krautchan meme. Pepe has mostly faded and Apu and the one with no neck with the wine glass have become more popular than it. Wojak would outlast Pepe in a fight.
>>323
Albania vs North Macedonia vs Greece

323 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10435 23:25

>>322
The Balkan Empire is all that remains in the end.

>>324
Atlantis vs the Mu Continent

324 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10437 16:09

>>323
Nobody's heard of the Mu continent, so they have the element of surprise and win.

>>325
Father Dougal McGuire (Father Ted) vs Alice Tinker (The Vicar of Dibley)

325 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10466 10:21

>>308
Sailor Jupiter. Send a lightning bolt in the croc swamp and zap them to death.

326 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10466 22:35

>>324
They are both overwhelmingly more likely to accidentally injure themselves in some wacky slapstick fashion than they are to injure one another. I suspect the result would be a draw, or at best one might win by default if the other messes up badly enough.

>>327
Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Rei Ayanami (The Rei's Diner)

327 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 16:20

>>326
My bets would be on Rei Ayanami.

>>328
Jules Verne's dinosaurs hiding inside the Earth vs Nazi dignitaries hiding inside the Earth

328 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 17:31

>>327
Dinosaurs, no contest. Nazi artillery/tanks (if the dignitaries even have them) would be at a tremendous disadvantage given the underground terrain and lack of lighting, while lighter weaponry would do little against the thick hide of a voracious T-rex.

>>329
Fox vs swan

329 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 00:02

>>328
Fox, it is a better predator.

>>330
Astolfo vs Bridget

330 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 08:30

>>329 Bridget would probably whap out his massive cock and smack Astolfo about the face, causing instant death.

>>331 Rishi Sunak vs Liz Truss

331 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 11:40

>>330
Whoever wins, we lose.

>>332
Alien vs. Predator

332 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 13:08

>>331
Predator, until Alien glitches the thermal sights.
>>333
Excalibur vs Masamune

333 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10591 11:35

>>332
Masamune would snap excalibur like a twig.

>>334
Person with anorexia vs person with morbid obesity.

334 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10591 18:43

>>333
Obesity Man beats Anorexia Man in strength and defense but Anorexia man has the upper hand in speed and evasion over Obesity Man. A coin flip I guess?

>>335
Morrissey vs. Robert Smith

335 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10600 10:43

>>334
Briefly glancing over their respective Wikipedia articles, Smith's mentions him getting beaten up as a kid whereas Morissey's does not, so I'll go with Morissey.

>>336
Love vs fear

336 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10621 18:36

>>335
Fear will just run away and forfeit the fight.

>>337
Blind man armed with a sword vs unarmed Average Joe

337 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10622 10:51

>>336
Have you ever read Shigurui? The blind man, no contest.

>>338
An elephant vs an unarmed man

338 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10623 02:08

>>337
The unarmed man simply does a Dark Souls dodge roll when the elephant telegraphs its wind up attack and then takes advantage of the iframes to quickly counter with an R1 to the elephant's trunk, killing it instantly.

>>339
A blind man with swords for arms vs a regular guy with a sword

339 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10623 19:02

>>338
I don't think having an additional sword is going to be enough of an advantage to outweigh the disadvantage of being blind, especially given having swords instead of arms, rather than in one's hand, would substantially reduce your reach.

>>340
You vs a Mr. Mime.

340 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10757 22:37

>>339
Mr. Mime only exists inside the computer. By contrast, I only exist in front of the computer... Stalemate!

>>341
Ranch vs Cool Ranch

341 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10757 23:45

>>340 ...R-R-Ranch?

>>342 My face vs. >>340's gun in my face

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