Time for a DQN edition choose your own adventure!

Information:

> There will be a set number of options (probably between 2 and 3)

> Option with the most votes is taken

> If there is a tie, the earliest post wins

> Choosing an option I didn't give you will result in your post being ignored

> Updates will be exactly once every whenever I get round to it

> I will try to keep updating as long as this thread is alive

> If there's been no updates in a few weeks/months you are welcome to revive this thread and start a new adventure

> Don't believe for a second I'm not just making this up as I go along

> Adventure starts in the next post!

You slowly return to conciousness, your gummed up eyes peeling apart like tectonic plates.

As you begin to make sense of the blurry and indistinct world around you, you see something that makes you immediately jump up, alert.

Before you stands a terrifying monster! It appears to have feline features, yet it stands on its hind legs in some mockery of a human. It wears something brown and coiled on its head. It stares straight at you with its beady, unblinking eyes.

Without warning, it calls out in a shrill, squeaky voice:

　　　人　　　　　
　　（＿_）　　　　
　 （＿＿）　　　
　（ ＿＿ ）　　　　
　（　・∀・）　＜ My name is Squeeks and what do you think of my hat?
　（つ　　 つ　　
　｜ ｜　|　　　　　
　（_＿）＿）

You gather your wits and give an answer...

[ ] Why do you have choko-aisu on your head?
[ ] Why do you have shit on your head?

[X] Why do you have shit on your head?

The "Squeeks" stares at you with an indecipherable look, then speaks once more:

　　　人　　　　　
　　（＿_）　　　　
　 （＿＿）　　　
　（ ＿＿ ）　　　　
　（　・∀・）　＜ My name is Squeeks and INDIVIDUALISM! INDIVIDUALISM!
　（つ　　 つ　　
　｜ ｜　|　　　　　
　（_＿）＿）

Before you realise what's happening, you find yourself crying "Oppai! Oppai!" while waving your arms in front of you in an autistic manner.


~~~~

You take stock of your surroundings. You appear to be in front of a computer with a browser window open. The URL reads "http://4-ch.net/dqn/".

You feel in the mood for browsing.

[ ] Browse bookmarks
[ ] Browse web history
[ ] Browse DQN

[X] Browse web history

Dextrously, you simultaneously strike the "ctrl" and "H" keys. Your eyes scan through the index of websites like a lighthouse beam.

The most recent entries are of a site called "The Elitist Superstructure of DQN @ 4-ch", namely a "Choose your own adventure" thread. The idea strikes you as absurd and you continue reading.
_______________________________________________________________________________

History
_______________________________________________________________________________

Today - Thursday, September 6498, 1993



http://www.yourworldoftext.com/dqn

http://buttersafe.com/

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/

http://www.ibiblio.org/lifepatterns/

http://tanasinn.info/wiki/Main_Page

http://chingu.prkorea.com/main.jsp

http://prillalar.com/drabbles/

http://www.netliberty.net/dreamachine.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinto_shrine#Structure_of_a_Shinto_shrine

http://www.yyyyyyy.info/

http://www.guidetojapanese.org/learn/complete

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsbL04pUGdQ

http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/full-text/book/book.html

http://books.google.com/books?id=mP4sprI726IC&printsec=frontcover&hl=ja#v=onepage&q&f=false

http://bunbunmaru.com/nitori.html

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/osseocarnisanguineoviscericartilaginonervomedullary

http://www.japantoday.com/category/crime/view/3000-pairs-of-stolen-panties-found-in-home-of-underwear-thief

_________________________________________________________________________________


Try as you might you can't seem to find any incriminating pornography. They must use incognito mode or some such.

Further excavation reveals some wikipedia pages on organic chemistry and various Touhou gameplay related sites.

[ ] Read about organic chemistry
[ ] Read about Touhou