Feeling attraction ... to your lecturer?! (37)

1 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-01 12:19 ID:lZqU4kD6

I have a problem I think. In my two years of studying Japanese, I've grown an attraction to my lecturer. Despite she's probably around 40, she still single. Should I let her know how I feel? I never had good luck with women around my age, would my lecturer be an impossible venture then? And yes, I know it seems a bit desperate if I feel attracted to a much older woman.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-01 14:23 ID:p434uPXj

How old are you?

Also: If you're in the middle of a class of her's or have to take any more classes with her, I would recommend that you wait until you finish all of them.

That way, there wouldn't be any uneasiness during class.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-01 22:17 ID:Heaven

Oh yeah, your semester should be ending in like 2 months, right? Good luck!

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-01 22:45 ID:wD8N7Ump

Oedipus Complex lol

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 00:38 ID:g7tA3RIa

>>And yes, I know it seems a bit desperate if I feel attracted to a much older woman.

Not really.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 01:23 ID:4wxWwKMW

start talking to other girls and you will stop feeling attracted to your lecturer.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 01:42 ID:PVLT6ic/

Question: Did your Japanese study affect your English?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 04:13 ID:JWCffEqp

It happened to me. Studying a language like Japanese can make you forget how to spell words.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 04:13 ID:JWCffEqp

It happened to me. Studying a language like Japanese can make you forget how to spell words.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 04:36 ID:wD8N7Ump

>>5
Yes really. He says he can't get women his own age, so it's obvious he's desperate.

11 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-02 11:23 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>2 I'm in my early 20s. The lecturer must be almost forty (she still looks young though). And yes, this year's my last year in her classes.

>>4 I dont see how it's the Oedipus Complex, it's not like the lecturer's my mother.

>>5 It maybe because I'm desperate or it might not be. I'm just asking if being attracted to an older woman seems strange.

>>6 I have attempted to talk with other girls. Except hardly any topics since I dont often share their interests.

>> 7 >>8 How was my English bad? I dont see any spelling mistakes.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 17:11 ID:Heaven

>I dont see how it's the Oedipus Complex, it's not like the lecturer's my mother.

If if was Oedipus Complex, you would be looking for a mother-like figure, not necessarily your actual mother. Around what age is you mother? Did she baby you while growing up? :p

>I have attempted to talk with other girls. Except hardly any topics since I dont often share their interests.

How does this teacher share interests with you? Is this teacher actually Japanese? Do you know any other Japanese women?

>I dont see any spelling mistakes.

"don't" :p

Hmm... I was sort of falling for my English teacher in 8th grade (she was hot) and then my Spanish teacher in my first year of college. I even used "tu" when speaking to her insted of "ustedes," but that was just because I was used to using "tu." Didn't really notice my mistake until sometime after I finshed my class with her.

But anyway, I think a lot of guys (anf girls) fall for their teacher. Heck they're always helping us out, are friendly, and we stare at them all day. I don't think anyone usually acts on it, though.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 21:16 ID:Wd0rLsgi

I've had a similar feeling before. It's not all too uncommon, at least I don't think. But I do agree with >>6. If you talk to other girls, generally, a shallow attraction for another person usually dies off. Maybe all you really need to do is to find someone who's mature or more your pace. Age doesn't mean too much. Maturity at a particular age does.

14 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-02 22:05 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>12 My mother would be around 45 I think. I never get told my parents age. And I don't feel close to my mother, not since I was around 11 yrs old. And the lecturer is Japanese and I know other Japanese women, around my age, but they ain't available so to speak. While this teacher of mine doesn't share my interests per se but I feel I can talk with her about more serious and mature topics. I doubt that many girls around my age would like to chat about politics or other stuff that is not centered on the entertainment industry. And I used 'dont' instead of 'don't' as a shorten way of typing it. I believe most do this when they chat on msn or icq?

Well, I talked with a person from my class about this (and who happens to be the person who started me thinking about my teacher in this way, even if he meant it as a joke). He reckons that the lecturer must be in her forties. Would that kind of age gap be too significant for any chance of a relationship happening then? And I had thought of the fact that if a relationship works out, by the time I'm almost 60 she would be in her 80s and by that time I might regret I didnt choose someone more my age (of course I'm assuming the relationship could go that long and that it would ever happen).

>>13 The one thing that puts me off attempting to talk to other girls is that I keep seeing how they look at me when I look at them (and I wasn't staring at them). Their look seems to say to me "who the heck are you and which hole you crawl out of" I try to dress my best (in terms of casual clothing), so it's not like I actually look like I crawled out of a hole in the ground.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 23:38 ID:gTwjeOvM

You have to be careful with what you look for with a relationship with an older woman. 20+ years difference is possible, but it takes a big deal of giving. Ask her out to some coffee with the excuse of discussing about class. When you meet her, smile a lot and give her some hints by touching her arms or hands. Then you can just tell her she's sexy and you want to meet her in some other occasion to do something.
In Dating an older woman thread, http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1158778452 Serverin approached his date and it went well. I wish you luck also.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 00:39 ID:Heaven

>>14

>And I don't feel close to my mother, not since I was around 11 yrs old.

So you've sort of lacked a monther figure since then. I see...

>and I know other Japanese women, around my age, but they ain't available so to speak.

But do you find any of them attractive? I guess I'm sort of insinuating that the fact that she's a different race from your's (I'm assuming you're not Japanese) might have something to do with it.

>And I used 'dont' instead of 'don't' as a shorten way of typing it.

I was half joking with that.

But like I said, I think it's common to become attracted to your teacher. I just think most students (and teachers) wouldn't act on it.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 10:26 ID:vBJ/JpV1

yes, very good idea, >>15.
That is, if you want to make the total creep act.

The relation you are currently in with her, is one of her servicing you (teaching you). As far as I know, also from some experience, Japanese will take this servicing very far, leading them to be very very nice to you. That's the business they are in after all: If they are rude to you, you might switch class, and they have less income --> so, better be nice

Consider that in your pursuit of romance with this lady.

18 Name: 7 : 2006-11-03 11:55 ID:HzRcVeeP

OP: Your english is very bad. Hint: English isn't all about spelling. "Feeling attraction...?" "Despite she's probably..." "grown an attraction.." "as a shorten way of typing.." I could go on, but hopefully you get the idea. It's generally the way you phrase things that make you sound like a esl (English as a second language) person. Anyway, just made me curious as to if you were an esl, studying japanese.

19 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-03 14:37 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>18 Yes, I'm Hong Kong Chinese, but have been living in an English speaking country for 14 yrs. And I wouldn't say my English is very bad, otherwise I wouldn't be in university and my papers would have been returned with tons of mistakes (which I don't, I only have less than five per page). And the point here is not about my English either.

>>16 I'm Chinese so in terms of 'race', my Japanese teacher aint so much different. And I find girls from most ethnicity attractive.

>>17 I will keep that in mind

I've talked to a female friend of mine online who is going out with an older male with also a significant age gap, according to her, there is nothing to lose so I should try and see. At worst, it would only make situation awkward but no real harm done, otherwise most probable is a relationship somewhere between platonic and a little bit beyond platonic (if such a thing exists). What this friend suggested is that I tell her honestly about how I feel and maybe do what >>15 have suggested as in asking her out. Only thing different from >>15 's scenario is that today is my last class with this teacher plus the arrangement of seatings make it not possible to do as >>15 mentioned about touching her on the arm and stuff (adding to the fact I wouldn't have the guts to do that either).

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 17:27 ID:Heaven

The purpose of touching someone's arm is to make her feel trust and be comfortable. Of course, smiling is a must to make her feel comfortable. She needs to empathize with you, and touching her arm is something you do in a date, when you greet her, not in class. Muster the courage to do these little things. Women interpret such moves as friendliness, as long as you keep a straight face. There's nothing wrong with being nervous.
Just to give you some examples of other people growing in their social conquests: Search 'seduction school' in YouTube and watch the 5-part program aired in Britain's Channel4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DYn4-h3Cnk It gives good basic insight on how to first approach women.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 17:46 ID:Heaven

I recommend watching TheMysteryMethod's videos as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl6mrfWp6_w&mode=related&search=

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 04:07 ID:HzRcVeeP

Are you sure this isn't some crush?
Lol, platonic relationship? Even in the best case scenario that would be very improbable. Plus I really don't think this would be a good idea. In the event that you did manage to go out with her, there would be shocking effects. Like I know for a fact that your parents being Chinese, would probably disown you, or it would start discrediting rumours about you sleeping with the lecturer to get good marks.

Therefore, the only sane conclusion is to talk to more girls at your age, and hope this thing passes.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 05:10 ID:Gyh3F2qw

I agree that >>15 is a bad strategy.

I'd say go to her office hours. Does she even know your face? If not, office hours would be a good opportunity for her to get to know you on a more personal scale, without being too drastic I think.

Hmm, I just read the part about yesterday being your last class... makes it a bit complicated to go to her office hours, then...

24 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-04 07:28 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>22 What made you think that my parents would react this way? If it was 20 yrs ago or more than probably, further back in time I would have been put in a bamboo cage and drowned. However, not anymore.
>>23 Yes, she knows my face, since I've been in her class since beginning of last year.
>>22 It just maybe a crush, there's that possibility. Right now I'm not 100% sure of what I'm actually feeling. Only advice I really took to heart was "go and see", worst is I look like an idiot ... again ... but then I have already how many years of being that already?! What's one more time then?

25 Name: 17 : 2006-11-05 16:30 ID:vBJ/JpV1

I live in HK as an exchange student, and I noticed that people here hardly hate Japanese at all. There's tons of Japanese restaurants (and cheap ;) and basically all candy comes from Japan (Still, wtf is 'fleecy pork' doing in a candy shop?)

And when did sleeping with the sexy teacher for better marks become tainted?

Anyway, let's just mention again that starting to touch a womans arm before you get any signals that doing such a thing is, well... retarded in a dweeby sort of way.

Seeing the girls in HK though, I could understand why you'd fall for Japanese.... (why is it, btw, that Shenzhen girls seem to be much better equiped?)

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 08:25 ID:Heaven

>> sexy teacher..

debatable..

27 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-06 11:50 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>25 I envy you where you are right now. Wanna swap bodies? LOL To your question, why then are Russian girls has bigger bulge than other girls of Western countries?
And the lecturer I'm having feelings for is already starting to age so she's not exactly the 'sexy teacher' type of person. It's not about looks that attracts me to this teacher. Sometimes she looks like her younger self and other times you can see the age in her. It's her younger self that I'm attracted to.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 15:15 ID:vBJ/JpV1

haha, i'd love to go to japan, also to leave stressy university for a while. I like my body though, so no bodyswap, sorry.

I think you should love the person, not a single aspect of her.

I heard Japanese can be quite stuck up about non-japanese, especially when they're Asian... that true?

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 16:07 ID:gTwjeOvM

>>25
One more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BsIEx7o4ug
Watch the seduction video and then tell me if making out in the middle of the street with someone you just met is

>retarded in a dweeby sort of way.

30 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 00:09 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>28 ... awww no fair, I wanna be in HK. Really, I rather be in HK than in JP, for one, living in HK saves your wallet.
Anyway, yes, I know if I do like my lecturer I should like her as a whole and not in parts. First though I need to know her first, and still trying to sense the go ahead. Maybe I'm a bit rash about things but as a friend of mine suggested, I arranged an appointment to talk to her (she doesn't know what it would be about) then in person tell my lecturer my attraction to her and make it not so open by asking her out to something sometime. Right now though, I'm terrified if my lecturer confirms the appointment.

31 Name: 28 : 2006-11-07 04:10 ID:vBJ/JpV1

save your wallet eh? yeah. still trying to find a figurine shop.

I'm unsure about your plan, but hey, its an interesting thing to do. Definitely interested in hearing how this works out.

good luck

32 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 08:09 ID:lZqU4kD6

>> 28 oo, what sort of figurine shop you looking for? I know one that had quiet a few. It's somewhere around Jordan Road, sorry couldnt give you any exact details.

And I did it, sent her an email instead but. Anyways, here's what she sent to me:

Thank you for your honesty and thoughts, but I also want to be honest
with you. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way to you. I am far much
older than you and I feel attracted to someone who is equal to me.

Anyway, I also hope this won't make things awkward. You are still a good
student of mine. Dakara shimpai-shinaide kudasai ne.

Best wishes
sensei yori

I went, I saw, and nothing came out of it.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 11:59 ID:yfy2aZNr

I want to say "I told you so", but instead I shall commend you for having the balls to go through with it.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 13:25 ID:vBJ/JpV1

yep, duffinateli.
now leave it at that and don't write back to say sorry.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 16:39 ID:p434uPXj

>I want to say "I told you so", but instead I shall commend you for having the balls to go through with it.

36 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 23:40 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>34 I did reply but only said "Oh I see (in JP). Anyways, thanks for letting me know" Then went on to ask her about the upcoming assessments.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-08 02:52 ID:+zIzHCpE

speaking of lecturers, i wanted to fuck yiannis papadopoulos for a while. it wore off. quite possibly because his lectures are incredibly boring and my god he won't shut up about the time he worked on aircraft safety systems

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