Hey guys and girls,
I have a girlfriend and I suppose we are about ready to have sex, but to be honest something is bothering me, especially when we are NOT together (when we are I tend to forget about it). Basically, I'm still a virgin, because I haven't had many chances yet and to be honest I never wanted to have sex (especially not the first time) with a girl I didn't love.
She on the other hand, is quite different. She hasn't been sexually active for that long yet, but in the time that she has been, she has had sex with a number of guys (I'm not going to give exact numbers, some might consider it lots, others will think it's barely something... but in my circles (geeks) it's definitely considered more then average). I think some of these guys have been her boyfriend, but I think most of them have been casual sex (one-night stands too) and fuckbuddies (I know she had one right before me). Those last two things bother me much more then the fact that she has had sex with other guys.
I know she loves me and I very much doubt she would cheat on me, but it still bothers me that in her past sex has been something she did it with guys just for fun, while I've been holding out until I met the right girl.
To complicated matters somewhat, she also is quite active online and there is lots of info to be found on her past sexlife. I somehow can't restrain myself from looking at this, although I know it will probably just hurt my feelings and it makes me feel like a stalker. I think she is aware of the fact that I know this info is on the web, I don't think she realizes how much I really know. I did find anonymous stuff about me posted by her, which I simply recognized because of the facts in it and way it was written. Also, in our conversations about sex she has said she had boyfriends before me, but she hasn’t mentioned the casual sex at all (something I don’t hold against her btw).
I doubt all this will make me nervous when we are going to have sex because I don't think about it when I'm with her (I love her), so that's not a problem, but it is annoying me when we are not together and I think about her (which is most of the time).
Any advice / suggestions? (I guess I also wrote this because sometimes it's just nice to write things down)