Girls who are nice to everyone. (37)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 12:03 ID:WsBWXc2c

Are the most frustrating type of crush you can get.

Sigh.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 12:12 ID:WsBWXc2c

First, they're nice to everyone, and therefore popular, meaning competition.

Second, you can't tell how much they like you back.

Third, and this is from my personal scenario, both her best friend and mine are indirectly getting in the way, along with several other miscellaneous people.

Fourth, I feel fucking sad for posting here, no insult and all, but seriously.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 12:45 ID:yBbQKEsd

My thoughts exactly.. It's terrible when you get a crush on them, just to realize that they're that kind to everyone after the fact...

In my case, I found someone who I had the opportunity to spend a weekend with, and thought I really had a chance with her, and finally casually work in the topic of relationships into conversation, hoping for some sort of response, only to hear that "Oh, I'm not looking for anyone right now, I'm beating people guys off with a stick"... Then just two or three months later, she posts online about a couple different guys she sees frequently that she's now got a crush on...

I'm still good friends with her, and frequently talk with her, but it still hurts to find out that she's just a "nice to everyone" kind of person, and I wasn't anything special... At least I came to realize after the initial crush on her that we don't have as much in common as I initially thought, so it probably wouldn't have worked out long-term..

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 13:17 ID:WsBWXc2c

OP here.

I've known the girl in question for roughly three years, and although I've always had a bit of feelings for her, it just kinda intensified immensely over the last week, I've been trying to find the cause of it so that I may be able to get a clue on things, but have no luck whatsoever, it may be due to my final school terms coming to an end, but that's distantly related at best.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 16:25 ID:II8JYRvZ

people (those types of girls) that play with fire ALWAYS get burned. my advice is to drench yourself in gasoline and smoke a cigarette.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 17:27 ID:thjbraXs

>>1

Fucking signed.

First girl that speaks to me friendly-like in almost six years, I think there might be a chance at romance. She compliments me, smiles at my compliments to her, and all seems well.

Then I find out she's like that with everyone, not just me. And she's already got a SO.

orz

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 17:45 ID:yBbQKEsd

Same experience in high school... Had a girl that, unlike nearly everyone else, treated me friendly, and was a good friend. Always smiled and laughed with me, while everyone else treated me like a nerd and a social outcast, to be looked down on..

We went on a school trip in a Business Club together for a competition & seminar week, with some others, and I got to spend alot of time with her, as it was at a resort/hotel place.

Then, she comes over to my room, and wants to know if she can really, really trust me.. I thought, ok, I really like this girl, I'm thinking she feels the same, since we've laughed, hung out together, etc, all weekend..

Finally, she says that what she wants to trust me with is... Keeping a letter to her boyfriend, that she intends to send, so that the girls sharing her room don't read it...

I'm lucky I managed a wavery smile & nod, before I about collapsed from having my heart forcibly extracted in such a manner..

The really sad thing is that when noone was around, I couldn't help but still read the letter, which only added to how bad I felt...

Naturally, it turned out her boyfried was an older, higher-grade guy on the basketball team, and I naturally just gave up on her, and just smiled & stayed a friend, knowing I kind of had no chance then... She was always nice to me, still, but I'm sure I never was able to smile & laugh with her the same way ever again...

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 17:45 ID:2aur+5vS

THe problem with these women is that they're selfish. They want to be nice to everyone so that no one hates them. Girls, after all, care much more about how people think of them than guys, thus being nice to everyone means everyone will be nice with them. Her issue, however, is that most men take a girl being nice to them as them hitting on you. You guys make the assumption that they have an interest in you, only to end up being hurt due to the fact she has no interest it seems. In reality, they're probably like most women and are looking for "mr. right", and don't see you as such.

I had a similar problem, I couldn't tell if this girl I was trying to date was just being nice to me or everyone else. Long story short, she was nice cause she wanted me, and now we're engaged. My advice is don't give up, she may be unsure if you're worthy of her but its your job to make her convinced you're good. THe biggest message: both sides make assumptions, don't make any and you have a better chance.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-15 21:45 ID:9tqw1ig3

>>8 signed.
not married yet, but we're on our way. it DOES HAPPEN.
you have to remember that some day you will get your chance. just don't let yourself be so jaded that when she finally does come along you brush her aside.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-16 00:53 ID:NfwTCNyZ

Ugh, I have to agree. I have/had a crush on a girl like that.

To her credit though, she's genuinely nice to everyone. What's proabbly more messed up is that I wouldn't like her if she was any other way.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-16 04:23 ID:nR8qUakx

>>1, >>5, >>6 and anyone else this may apply to.

It's called being friendly. The least you could do is treat them the same and quit whining and/or being dicks just because you think that a girl acting friendly to you means she wants you, only to be horribly crushed when you realize that is indeed, not the case.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-16 09:36 ID:IJdqWTmy

>>11
We're just orz-ing over here.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-19 21:01 ID:QdFFRisQ

a funny thing i read in the txting section of one of the London papers, some woman text in saying "90% of men mistake friendliness for flirtiness" (obv made up statistic), next day a bloke text in "90% of women mistake flirtiness for friendliness".. i thought it was pretty funny, and quite true. i think its because men arent friendly to each other in the same way that women are friendly. women will compliment their female and male friends as though they were all female. men generally dont compliment other men and only really compliment women as its showing a (sexual/relationship) interest. so when a woman is nice to a man they think of it as being niceness with a flirty agenda because it is an unusual occurance for them. and yeah it works the other way round - women are used to compliments from their friends so may not realise what a big thing it is for a man to compliment a woman.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-20 06:33 ID:2O1pBwCu

Or in some cases, they are friendly to ya because they need you for something.
But yes, I got suckered by those girls who are friendly with everyone else, making it hard to distinguish them and girls that actually do have an interest in you. With these ones, they make us guys run around in circles sometimes.
The girl I had this exp with seems incapable of bitchiness but well she showed me after her indecisiveness on friend/stranger caused me to get paranoid and now tells me even the friendship is over. Yet she had the gall to ask me ever so nicely like nothing happened at work when she needed something from me. When I rebuked her afterwards she goes and say "it's unavoidable to not talk to me at work, just like when our senior told her to give me something (which she says she would die first if otherwise)".

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-20 09:30 ID:caaahvLY

(Actually, that's a good example of what to fear about any kind of office-relationship... If it goes sour, even if there isn't the really bad element of a higher ranking person dating a lower ranking one, it still makes an rreeeeaaallly uncomfortable workplace...)

But on that same vein, there's also many girls who are indeed very nice when they need something, otherwise, they wouldn't spare you the time of day...

I dunno... I almost prefer that to girls who are just naturally nice, because at least with a "user", it doesn't hurt as bad when you realize they aren't or weren't ever really interested in you... At least when they aren't nice to you anymore, you get a clear message that way, and don't waste any more effort & energy trying to discern their intent...

16 Name: rerimdA terceS : 2007-03-20 12:47 ID:NFFrc+O7

>>7
ouch... talk about "crash and burn"... or is it? i don't actually know.. anyways, like MOST men usually say (if not all), "there are bigger fishes in the sea"...

17 Name: No 7 : 2007-03-20 16:27 ID:yBbQKEsd

>>16
#7 here.

Yeah, it was pretty accurate to say "crash & burn":) It hurt a lot, but I got over it, mostly; I actually felt a lot better just mentioning it on here, as I've literally never told a single person about that particular crash, not even my close friends...

I dunno, it definitely ranks up there under some of my worst memories, and it always comes back when I get depressed, but again, I somehow feel better actually having told people about it;

There are indeed other fish in the sea, and lots of opportunities to fail with them as well, lol! :)

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-20 19:52 ID:rbch3Nyr

All this text is really delicious.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-21 12:03 ID:Do2MXDLN

>>15 Yet I still hate the "nice to everyone" female population for making my head dizzy with uncertainty. I hate 'users' just as much

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-21 13:01 ID:R51TzmvJ

I have to admit, I am one of those "nice to everyone" girls and I've had my fair share of misunderstood intentions. Just recently I had fellow peer trying to woo me. We had been not exactly friends, but on a talking basis for quite sometime. Then all of a sudden he calls up a couple of my friends and tells them how much he loves me and got my number from them. Anyway, he goes on to send me small gifts that he made. All very romantic, you may think, however it was all unwanted on my part. I would’ve put him out of his misery then and there, except for the fact that he was hiding behind the façade of FRIENDSHIP. Valentines came, and sure enough, he gave me a card with a header titled “For friendship” accompanied with a portrait that he drew of yours truly. By that time I’d had enough. I confronted him the next day, to which he replied by hiding behind his “friendship” excuse. This already annoyed me already, but what really annoyed me was what he did next. He wrote me a lengthy letter about him not telling anyone about it if I didn’t want, and how he needed to concentrate on his studies, saying how “friendship” is best for “us”…basically making out like he dumped me. I still talk to him now, just out of civility. I really should have just quit having anything to do with him though, like my friends told me to, because now he’s trying to deepen our friendship by letting me in on his personal stuff. I’m known for listening to people’s problems and just generally helping them out, but quite often people take advantage of this because I can’t turn them down without feeling bad. This is one such example.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-21 18:29 ID:DhWbRlwA

>>20
Two words: restraining order

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-21 20:47 ID:yBbQKEsd

>>21 One word.. Overkill..

>>20 I hate to sound this way, but I don't think he was trying to sound like he dumped you... I think it was more the only way he felt he could try to write off how embarrassed he was, and still be your friend (and maybe he hoped it would leave the door open to have a chance with you in the future... I'm sure he did still have, and likely does have idle hopes) I'm sure writing it off as wanting to be friends was his way to avoid having to run in the opposite direction in shame every time he might happen to see you...

I wouldn't treat him too harshly, as anyone has to admit he took a huge scary step in trying to be with you... He was likely very humiliated when you told him it wasn't going to happen, and still would like to be friends;

23 Name: SECRITE AMIYERA : 2007-03-21 23:37 ID:e8rmaGEu

AT TIMES WHEN IM AROUND ALLOT OF PEOPLE OR NOT I STARE AT GIRLS BUTS AND I HAVE A ERG TO DO IT AND I STILL LIKE BOYS I THINK THAT IM BIY AND IT IS VEREY OCWONRD AT TIMES TO SINSECE I HAVE A BOY FRIEND AND I LOVE HIM ALLOT.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-22 01:38 ID:Heaven

>>20
With nice girls, it's a lose-lose situation.

I've been friends with a nice girl, who a lot of people flirted with, including me. She was just generally nice to everyone though, and occasionally flirted back.

Anyway, I could never figure out if she actually liked any of us as guys or not. Much like your friend I bought her a present for her Christmas, partially in the guise of friendship, partially because I felt like I was actually falling in love with her, and partially just because I felt like it.

It took some courage, but I gave it to her, telling her jokingly that I had randomly decided to buy it for her, which was mainly true. She thanked me for it and...

For the life of me, I don't know. I decided that perhaps I was too forceful when I gave it to her, and decided to back off. She didn't make any moves either, and we eventually just cut off communication.

I don't know if she's happy about it or not, and if I try to make converstation with her, she'd probably respond as if nothing ever happened, even if she's internally annoyed with me. Actually, I don't know if she saw any meaning in me buying her a gift in the first place. But I certainly don't want to turn out like >>20's friend.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-06 08:32 ID:svj8OU04

>>13

quoted for truth..

its also frustrating.. if flirty is considered "friendly".. wth is a guy supposed to do to make intentions clear that doesnt also result in a drink/slap in the face and/or sexual harrassment charges?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-06 09:07 ID:nNfKzoIO

>>25

when a relationship doesn't work, it isn't the man's fault. two people must feel something towards each other, and that feeling is natural, you guys will only get girls that actually like you (and some that don't) if you go and hit on every girl that you like, that way you'll eventually come across the girl that actually is fit for being your girlfriend.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-06 09:16 ID:svj8OU04

>>26

thats kind of the point.. if a girl is friendly to everyone, how are you supposed to recognize initial hints. theyre like that to everyone, remember?

28 Name: >>26 : 2007-04-06 12:01 ID:+PuVt2HA

>>27

they are nice to everyone because they want to be loved by everyone, or they want to make everyone feel good, i have a friend that used to date a girl like that, you can tell 'initial hints' if she talks to you alot, any girl that is nice to everyone is just the same as others, if they are interested in you, they will talk more to you.

If she remains to be nice to everyone, then that's it, she isn't interested; they tend to be good talkers, so try to have interesting conversations with her... Don't behave like the others and use her to hear your problems, don't request her pity, she will see you aren't using her as the others use her, and she will most likely talk to you about her own problems.

The friend i mentioned earlier though he was dating this very nice girl, but through out the relationship she turned to be a profoundly depressed girl with low self esteem. It's cool to meet a nice girl, but remember that that's not all they are...

Most nice girls are shy, so you have to make the move later on.

29 Name: >>26 : 2007-04-06 12:07 ID:LpZjV5Bn

nice girls suck hard by the way, they are the most annoying type of girls, they tend to be so nice with people just out of civility. Their falsity is annoying, never liked them.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-06 15:52 ID:svj8OU04

>>28

that's contradictory.

theyre nice to everyone, this means they often have many dispersed friends/acquaintainces, and i'm supposed to magically know how long she's talking to the rest of these people without seeming like a total clingy stalker.

also, not that communication is bad, but a relationship where one or both parties feels they have to talk to fill up space is not a good one.

31 Name: TokyoJapan22 : 2007-04-08 00:02 ID:m0VFlmtP

I remember when I loved someone soo nice. She was "perfect". Good looks and what not. But I was attracted more to the "nice". I had the chance to get to know her and all of a sudden....I guess I was rushing into things too fast that I did the old school thing of flowers, chocolates and a letter. That all began to be shit when I was considered just a friend.

Nice girls truly are the most attracting to us otaku but there very.......unpredictable.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-08 23:19 ID:rbch3Nyr

>>8

>My advice is don't give up, she may be unsure if you're worthy of her but its your job to make her convinced you're good.

Fuck your shit, I'd rather be wanted than to have to prove myself to any whore.

>>11
Fuck friendly, nigger. Don't fucking act nice, who the fuck does that, yoshinoya should be a fucking bloody place where two sentients on the other side of a U shaped existance can get into a fight at any time, the tense atmosphere is the only way to make this place enjoyable and fucking shithead ass nigger bitches like yourself want to try and ruin that by acting nice around EVERYONE. What if I never want you to act fucking nice towards me if its standard procedure for your robot ass to handle people. When I am seen it should be understood that I'm pissed and drunk as hell and I hate stupid people like you, maybe you cna act nice to me when you've proven you're cool enough to be considered an individual and not a fucking stick. Keep your shit for your whatever over in the homestead, if its not love then its the fucking bomb, do you understand?

>>22
I dont think it's overkill at all, I think he'd rather get the goddamn court order and know there's nothing than to ever have to talk to this person again.

>>23
The only sane and reasonable person in this entire thread.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-14 08:58 ID:GekXlui6

I suppose I used to be one of those girls who would be nice to everyone. Then things had to change, and now I'm just downright cold. (And it doesn't take as much effort as being nice all the fucking time.) But it still attracts the wrong type of guys, i.e. stalker/persistant types. (A week into my first semester in university, a guy who I had never talked to knew my entire schedule on Mondays and Wednesdays.) So tell me, what's wrong?

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 04:17 ID:Heaven

Cold is obviously not enough, you need to brandish blunt weapons and beat your enemies with them, the shy/pussy types won't think twice about pissing oyu off by bothering you when they see that shit happen I'll tell you that much.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 20:21 ID:eqT20Z53

>>28

Actually, the girl whom I have a crush on is extremely outgoing. In fact, the first time she ever talked to me was way back in 8th grade gym class when she randomly came up to me and made up an odd secret handshake. I was immediately infatuated by her cuteness and outgoingness. I, on the other hand, was very shy at the time because I was afraid I'd annoy people by talking to them, my own little complex that formed because I had ADHD and was very annoying in the years before that.

Now I'd just consider me one of her friends.... out of the, oh, 200 she has.

Yes, dealing with a crush on a girl who's very nice and popular is hard. Sometimes I wish the Disney-esque pseudoreality stereotype that popular kids are all mean was true. Unfortunately, that's hardly ever the case =/

36 Name: confused guy : 2007-04-27 15:30 ID:6ADraEBW

girls who are nice to everyone...what a interesting topic since I know a girl who is exactly like what you describe. I really like this girl but decided to give up because she is just too nice. She treats all the guy the same and basically you wont be able to guess if she actually likes you. So I GAVE UP, this kind of girl I totally have no idea how to know if she likes you

37 Name: kic : 2007-04-27 23:12 ID:lTJWPqWw

I am one of these nice girls, I think.
I'm not perfect but I treat everyone the same. It's hard for us too, don't blame us.
Now I have a boyfriend but I don't want to give him extra attention when we're in public. It feels like I'm cheating on the world.

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