Okay, /love/... I keep thinking that this girl likes me only because of my connections with people who can help her achieve her dream some. But, you know... I keep going to conclusions about things. I have assumed some crazy shit. I keep thinking she is only agreeing to go ahead with me with what I do because she is worried about losing her connection to her teacher. I have to brag: he is considered one of the best in his profession. And since she knows this, she might see it as a meal ticket in order to achieve higher status in her dreams. She will use me in order to get closer, and then maintain or improve her connections to the teacher (my father.) She will keep using me for that purpose and give her a one-up above the other students. The other idea I have is that she is agreeing to go along with me because she might think that if she refuses that my father will stop giving her lessons, which will upset her because my father is pretty high in demand here. It seems like she is doing this out of no choice, or whatever.
However, she seemed to be so forward early on. She said we should have lunch together back when we first started seeing each other some. It got more and more escalated, since I was kind of bold with her.
Oh, fuck this. I'm too confused and upset and frustrated.
How's about some advice, /love/?
Is she really with me only to sustain her connections?
Is she with me in order to get a higher-up?
Does she like me really, or is she feeling forced?
Am I too much of a fucking wreck about this, because I have low self-esteem and see in the mirror a winner/failure?
Why am I so up about this?
Were my bold moves (making lunch dates, holding her hand first) too much for her and she doesn't know how to react?
Should I really be up on the fact that she hasn't messaged me once ever since our date?
Someone analyze me, please. And be real.
Personally, I think I'm fucking bat-shit insane about this, which stems from a low-self esteem issue, inexperience (both dating and culture), and general paranoia?
I do have a lot of paranoid attacks, sometimes. I'm wondering if this is another one, or is this legit...
Thank you for reading, Anon.