>>1 You might have a personality disorder, looks like in the social phobia field.

Avoidance personality disorder makes the person avoid social contact because they are afraid of being hurt AND are really self conscious. The thing you described about kicking yourself and running away countless times is def what avoidants do(i know i am one). Seriously i really hope you don't have it, because it can fuck up your life..i screwed TONS of possibilities to hook up with chicks but i always ran or gave some stupid excuse..that was before i was diagnosed with AVPD.

For help? I would suggest to push yourself HARDER and yes i know the anxiety is VERY HARD..but try it:) , if that doesn't work go see a professional and def get on Anti-anxiety meds...