My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year.
However, I no longer love her. She is boring, vapid, and hardly pretty. Her only redeeming quality is the ability to do what she is told diligently by authority.
However, I still care for her very much. It seems impossible for me to bring this up and hurt her. And yet it seems the only escape is a break up. I don't know what to do. I would be so lonely without her. (Not to mention sex-deprived.)
This paradox makes it so that often, the very sight of her brings pain to me. Of course there are sometimes good days, when I can deal with her and be happy. But then more and more, I just feel depressed whenever I deal with her because she is just so disappointing.
>>7,
seems like you have your own story to tell here... what made you realize you're this type of a guy?
Thank you to everybody who replied. Especially >>6-7, who give interesting thoughts.
To tell the truth, I tend to exaggerate when my mood swings. I wasn't being completely honest in >>1. The real reason I haven't broken up with my girlfriend yet is that I don't want to. Because most of the time, I absolutely do love her and could not live without her.
However, there are times where I feel exactly like I do in >>1, and of course I was going through one of those times when I made this post. At these times, which can go on for days, love seems a dreadfully foreign feeling to me. And that is when I start to question why I bother staying with her when I'm so tired of her.
But once my head clears, I'm all over her again. Maybe I'm over-complicating matters by thinking too much. Should I really need to expect anything more from her? Perhaps I need to learn to just relax and be content with her existence complementing mine.
Maybe our relationship is doomed because of the times I feel like I do in >>1; maybe I can get over it. But I'm going to hang in there for now.
Sorry for being somewhat of a liar. It's just how I honestly felt at the time.
It's okay, everyone has their swings.
And if you did feel like that back then, it's not a lie.
It's OK we're all humans... Confused and confusing by nature, I guess. And I firmly believe that your problem is not her because you do seem to love her (if you didn't you wouldn't have the days when you love her). Your problem is you. Have you ever thought that somewhere in the beginning of your relationship you overdid it and put her on the pedestal? If that is so, then those feelings are getting back to you in a form of a disappointment. You may end up breaking up with her, but I doubt you will not run into the same exact situation with your next gf. The moral of the story is that you need to learn how to be content and learn to live with somebody's imperfections (i.e., her plainness at the moment). And the fact that you do miss her when she's not around you says a lot about your feelings. If you didn't love her, you would hardly wait to break up with her and not going on with the same old story.
Like with everything in love, listen to your heart and yes a few days break like >>6 proposed might be a good idea. This situation comes out usually from depression and reasons are not always so obvious (so it might not be her and her behavior that's causing all the hassle you're going through). From my own experience, I can tell that whenever I felt under pressure from work, school I would totally forget about the loved one.
Take a few days break, look into your life and find the reason.
Again, I hope this turns out great for both of you. Good luck.