Hi, im 22 and my girlfriend is 18, me and my girlfriend were together for 3 years! Thats a lot of time, i had dreams, she had dreams, we were a happy couple.
She started saying things like "lets live the present, lets not make future plans" a couple of months ago. 1 month ago she said she wanted to break up.
I was in shock, sad, i cried. In shock because of her wanting to break with me, destroying everything we had build together, and in shock because i couldnt imagine living without her, she is unique.
I talked to her on the phone for several days, she went to a cousin house for 5 days, she met a guy from a band, they spent the 5 days together (she said they only kissed). She said she was going to spend the weekend with im again and things could get sexual. (He lives very far)
I got worse, i saw everything crumbling. I told her that was the line, i would be dead inside, but i could never look at her again if she went with him.
It's been almost two weeks, she didnt go, but i dont know about the future. We met for a coffee, she asked me for a hug, she said she doesnt love, she doesnt know why that happened. I told her i can forget everything, can forgive everything, that i just want to be happy with her again.
She said "i think i cant do that, at least now". She said "i think", she looks confused and im sad everyday. Her mother is very ill, i told her that maybe she was confused because of that.
What should i do? Believe me, i love her, i could die for her, but i trusted her too, and she did this after 3 years, out of the blue.
Should i try to get her back? How can she love me again? What should i do?
Thank you.
Correction: "she said she doesnt love me,"
well, my personal opinion is that when relationship once breaks, it's very hard (if not impossible) to repair it again... it's my personal experience but I think it also depends on people involved...
if I understood correctly, she didn't give you a reason, did she? I would try to look for that cause having ill mother despite being serious issue doesn't seem to me serious enough to break a long-lasting relationship... just ask her to be honest with you and tell you why... if she still loves you, then there can be some chance... if she does not, then imo just forget about her... it will be deadly hard and painful but no is no, there's nothing left to fight for
What is happening to you is fairly typical, your relationship started when you were pretty young, and both of you have matured a lot, which is bound to put strains on the relationship. There is also the issue that she may have no sexual experience with other guys than you, and obsesses about trying out with other people.
Do your remember about the saying "never take a relationship for granted"? Well, time to take stock of that. Your relationship will have to change if it wants to survive. Where you saw dreams and a bright future, she may have seem stagnation and lack of freedom. Do take your time to talk to her and try to understand her needs (she seems to also not understand them very well). She may really want to try sex and experiences with other people, and you should discuss openly about that.
Ultimately your relationship will never be like it was before. Which does not mean that the future will be worse than the past, on the contrary. Depending on how you negotiate the present crisis, you might end up with a stronger bond than before. All couples have crisis, you just happen to have hit one.
She said "i think i dont love you, i dont know whay and how it happened, but i dont love you".
But moments before she asked me for a hug...
I know it wont be the same, i dont care, time heals everything, if i can get her back im sure we will be happy again.
i allways sending text messages telling her to remember our happy days, to thing about us, to not let everything we had disappear.
She answers with "what we had was beautifull, you will allways be my first great love, you were perfect, maybe i am making a mistake but..."
I asked her for a coffe tomorrow, i will give her a red rose. I dont believe it will change enything but, without her im done for...
Stop. Just STOP.
She doesn't love you anymore but she doesn't want to crush your soul about it. She is telling you everything except she doesn't love you anymore.
"I think I don't love you"
How can you think about love or not? You either love someone or don't. Unfortunately in this case, she doesn't love you.
All she really wants from you now is the attention and you are above that. She asked for a hug but doesn't love you? Lets be real, she doesn't want to be alone so she sticking with you until something better comes along.
You are better than that. She said it herself you are perfect and she made the mistake. You did nothing wrong. So why hold yourself back with that girl? You can do better so cheer up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to start moving in that direction.
I know it is hard and difficult but honestly it is for the better. She took you for granted and the perfect girl will never take you for granted.
I have been in your shoes before and what helped me was a lot of gangster rap. I know its corny and cheesy, but listening about how women are bitches and hoes especially in these early parts helps.
Lil Wayne came out a song not too long ago, its called "Comfortable" its a good song for this situation.
I agree with >>7 that you can't just desperately cling to her, otherwise you will end up disgusting her, and that won't help you. Try to respect what she is telling, and not flatly ignoring it, forcing her to become more harsh.
I think your best option would be to ask for a pause in your relationship, something like one week or one month, and see where you stand after that. During that time avoid all contact (otherwise you will scare her again).
The other only option I see is a clean break up. There is obviously something deep causing the break, and you can't just patch that with a rose, unfortunately...
She has a lot of friends, shes always with some girlfriends. That's why i think the hug means that she misses me and our time together. She was 5 days with the other guy when she visited her cousin so...why ask me for a hug?
I know and she told me that before, im not the one who should be begging, it should be her, i did nothing wrong but....she didnt go to bed with anyone yet, so my heart can still forgive and forget. There's still hope we can get together again, everything is not lost yet, i have to try....or i will just regret i didn't try.
I could trade everything i have now for her, to go back in time, money, friends, everything...
>>8 we are no longer a couple, she broke up with me a month ago. 3 years dedicated to her now lost are a big issue to me.
>she didnt go to bed with anyone yet
How can you be sure? You only need 5 minutes alone with someone to have sex.
You can forgive and forget. That is honorable to do that. But just move on. I know its hard, the longer you have been with her, the harder it is. But you have to move on. If she is going to throw you away so easily she is not worth your time. Move on and find someone who will treasure every second of your company.
>>8 she didnt like my friends, i stoped going out with them to be with her, these last years we used to go out a lot with her friends.
If this ends i will be left alone, do you understand? I will have 2 or 3 friends, i will almost need to ask them to go out with them!!!
I'm going to ask her if she is sure, if she wont regret this decision. Then i'll try to stay away from her.
Even then i will be hoping that she calls me so we can be together again.
Man, this hurts, a lot.
>>12 yarrr try till the last drop of ur blood. forget the outcome at least u already trying hard.
but seriously there's rarely boy n girl relation going well and advance to serious stage in teenager.
relation only getting serious when both party around age 25+, so cheers.
I think you just need to get out more, frankly. There are far more girls to date, don't get hung up on one. Like >>11 said, if she would do this to you with no notice whatsoever, get someone better.
I think also you became codependent on her. You say you rejected your friends for hers and now have basically no one else besides her, which is totally unhealthy. You can't possibly have your life revolve around one person and expect things to work. Let's face it, if I'm doing the math correctly, you started going out when she was 15 and you 19. She's now 18 and wants to do her own thing. You are 22 and should want to do your own thing.
So basically, what I and everyone else in this thread is saying is this:
Get.
Over.
Her.
There's no other way to put it. Yes, it will be hard. But it's what you need to do for your own sake, because obviously she doesn't give a crap about you, otherwise she'd still be with you.
I cant even imagine how you must be feeling right now man. I have been fooling around with a girl or 6 months. I thought i was in love with her, she was everything to me. very unwise of me. long story short, she broke my heart. nearly killed me (i'm a very emotional person)
right now, it's been a couple weeks since my initial phase of trying to get over her. hardest thing i've ever done. what i found helps though is trash talking her to my buddys. continously point out ALL her flaws so that when i think of her, i think of only her flaws and i dont miss her so much. it's going well.
when i think of her, i dont get as sad or miss her as much. maybe this method will help you
Oh man....
She says she's in a new phase in her life. I hate her and love her at the same time.
I will ask her if there is any chance for us.
If not i will just try to forget her, but its going to be hard to find someone like her. I hate the world.
I'll just drink, smoke, do whatever i want to try to forget her.....try to make some friends too
>try to make some friends too
That's the spirit! For the rest, forget it, doesn't help you.