I've never fallen in love with anyone, nor do I think I ever will.

When I look into someone's eyes I see a tangled web of desire and worry; this is the way I feel about love, and I'm pretty sure everyone else feels the same way. When I see that, though, how can I act on my own desire? Men usually talk with their dicks, but my libido just drains out of me. Whenever I try to flirt with someone, I just get plain old scared. But flirting is never instinctual, it's always based on me remembering my emotional needs and desire for a serious relationship with someone who I can help in their times of stress, and who will help me likewise. What a stupid desire--you have to have a relationship before it gets serious. So I've cut it out entirely.

It's really frustrating when I do get horny, which happens only when I'm alone. That's probably due to a decade of public shyness and jacking off.
I wish I had a girlfriend but at this point I'm resigned to my celibate personality. Maybe I'll get an arranged marriage someday.