I might be presented to two delightful new girls this weekend, which is something I kinda badly need these times after my previous critical failure.
Sadly, they're both exes of friends of mine, so... you all know what that means. Off-limits. Meh.
>>100
Godwin GET
Godwin aside, >>100 actually does have a good point. Some people simply don't deserve to be loved. The only questions are:
1) Which people fit into this category?
and
2) How do I know if I'm counted among their number?
I suppose sometimes the answer to 2) is fairly easy to discern. For example, let's say that in addition to my manifest physical defects, I also have problems dealing with physical and emotional intimacy. If these problems prove sufficiently detrimental that I am effectively incapable of responding to affection rendered unto me by a member of the opposite sex, then it stands to reason that, at the very least, I am unfit for love. Perhaps saying I don't deserve it is a little harsh, but that's just semantics. In the end, it's the same difference: I'm alone, and that's the way it's supposed to be.
Ultimately, entrance into a romantic relationship is not an inalienable human right. It's a privilege bestowed upon those deemed fit to exercise it. Those of us who fall outside that category will just have to make do as best we can.
>I also have problems dealing with physical and emotional intimacy
These can be worked on and improved. It's all sementics as you said, but words are interesting: you used "deserve". Well, "deserve" is merit-based, so yeah, by doing the right things, everybody might deserve to be loved. It'll be harder for some and easier for others, sure, but it's not impossible.
Also think about relativity: to extremist antisemites, Hitler probably deserves to be loved. There is no absolute in this universe. Even if you think there is an absolute, it will be relative to your point of view and hence, not an absolute.
It's just another version of "don't give up blah blah", but I'm not saying this, just stating the reasons why. You can give up on whatever you want, if you feel the reward isn't worth the effort.
I enjoy my solitude.
No matter what, no matter how appealing they may seem...
Someone, somewhere is sick and tired of their bullshit.
I've had it and no longer want it.
> let's say that in addition to my manifest physical defects
What exactly is a physical defect that renders one unfit for love? I believe saying that anything short of lacking the brain chemistry necessary to create such feelings should fate one to be alone for their entire lives is cruel. I'm sure Joseph Merrick had little hope, but if the internet had been around back then you'd be sure he would have had a fighting chance.
> problems dealing with physical and emotional intimacy. If these problems prove sufficiently detrimental that I am effectively incapable of responding to affection rendered unto me by a member of the opposite sex, then it stands to reason that, at the very least, I am unfit for love.
I think there are two categories here (and we should not specify 'opposite sex'):
Anyone actively seeking to resolve these issues and that makes an effort to put themselves out there can hope for some healing with the help of a compassionate lover. Although I feel this may be more difficult for a man in any culture where men are expected to take all the initiative.
As a parallel, consider someone with Anorexia. Do they deserve or are they in someway destined to die from it? No, that's a sick, wrong thought. When they've realized they have issues and wish to change, the Anorexic deserves to have someone there to help them through it. Of course Hitler wouldn't agree, but let's assume we are all both rational and compassionate people here.
> entrance into a romantic relationship is not an inalienable human right. It's a privilege bestowed upon those deemed fit to exercise it.
I don't believe this is a matter of rights and privileges. It's a matter of needs. We all need to be loved. Not nearly as much as we need to breathe, but if you've never been nearly suffocated or drowned you will never be fully aware of how crucial this need is. So if you've never loved and been loved you will never understand such loneliness.
True, no one has or can have a Right to a romantic relationship.
But it's an damn important part of being human.
>>I'm sure Joseph Merrick had little hope, but if the internet had been around back then you'd be sure he would have had a fighting chance.
If the internet had been around back then, he'd have been cyberbullied to hell and back. Anonymity, sadly, is a two-way street: it may be comforting to hide behind when you need to discuss problems, but it also enables people to indulge all their worst impulses.
>>Anyone actively seeking to resolve these issues and that makes an effort to put themselves out there can hope for some healing with the help of a compassionate lover.
I thought the rule was always that you had to be a healthy and complete person before you were allowed to even consider finding a "compassionate lover." If that's the case, then isn't it a contradiction in terms to say that said lover would be able to assist in the healing process, since one ought to be healed before ever meeting the lover?
>>As a parallel, consider someone with Anorexia. Do they deserve or are they in someway destined to die from it?
Except this is about love, not survival. Except in extreme cases, one isn't entirely dependent on others for one's own survival. There's a degree of self-determination involved.
Yet in matters of love, one is always entirely dependent on others -- unless one happens to be a severe narcissist. In order to engage in a loving relationship, one has to have a partner. And other people are perfectly free to decline the opportunity to be that partner.
If you have issues that prevent you from being able to engage in a loving relationship, there's no imperative that compels other people to help you surmount those issues. In that respect, nobody deserves to be loved. Love is something you have to earn, something you have to convince other people to share with you. If they don't want to, then you are, as they say, up shit creek without a paddle.
>>It's a matter of needs. We all need to be loved.
But others don't necessarily need to love us back. I hate quoting pop song titles, but love really is a two-way street.
>I thought the rule was always that you had to be a healthy and complete person before you were allowed [...]
You thought wrong: no one is every healthy and complete, even with love. The requirement is maybe to not be broken as fuck as to not suck the other into a black hole of madness, but no one asks you to be perfectly adamantine.
And for the parallel with anorexia, that guy was somewhat on point: of course it is about love and not survival, but there are ways to circumvent it. Then again, maybe you're thinking that we imply that by changing your ways, anyone you set your heart on will suddenly fall madly in love with you. That's not the case; love comes in many forms, and maybe one of the solutions is to learn to accept these different forms. Even without a paddle you can swim, if you see what I mean (and no, I don't mean you should turn to scat).
>You thought wrong: no one is every healthy and complete
should read
>You thought wrong: no one is ever healthy and complete
> If the internet had been around back then, he'd have been cyberbullied..
I'm only saying he could have found that blind girl he was always looking for, or someone with a similar illness. Surely, might not the hope for love be what kept him going?
> I thought the rule was always that you had to be a healthy and complete person before you were allowed to even consider finding a "compassionate lover."
> Love is something you have to earn, something you have to convince other people to share with you
There is no 'rule' that says certain people are not 'allowed' to 'even consider' finding love.
If someone has problems dealing with intimacy, how can they work on that by themselves? Hug a tree?
Consider the story of a girl that was raped and beaten as a child by her stepfather. Her scars are physical and emotional. Now as a young woman she's painfully shy and pulls away when someone touches her. Along comes a man who sees something in her and has the patience to show her the love, both emotional and physical, that she's never known.
She is not 'healthy', has done nothing to 'earn' love, has not had to 'convince' anyone to love her. But it happened, and as a human being, she deserves it as much as someone that was brought into the world under better circumstances.
Is this not a plausible situation, which possibly has happened before and will happen again in variations, in which all your presumptions fail?
> since one ought to be healed before ever meeting the lover?
Absolutely not a pre-requisite. If anything, I believe love is required for healing. And it's really that the healing is a side-effect.
> And other people are perfectly free to decline the opportunity to be that partner.
There is no reason this would not be true. But there's more than six billion people out there. The damaged one can not expect love from any one particular person. She can not walk up to a stranger and expect him to love her. But she's free to try.
> Except this is about love, not survival.
There are needs we all share as humans that go beyond basic survival.
> one isn't entirely dependent on others for one's own survival
Everyone in the world is. There are degrees by which we are all entirely dependent on each other in order to survive and thrive. Since I don't grow my own food and don't know enough about plant life to even forage, I depend on the grocer and the long line of people that supply the food he sells. Unless your name is Les Stroud, you will depend on others.
> If you have issues that prevent you from being able to engage in a loving relationship, there's no imperative that compels other people to help you surmount those issues. In that respect, nobody deserves to be loved.
I must clarify a distinction: To deserve something is no guarantee that you will get it. I've admitted such. No one is compelled to help any other person for any reason. I would also hope that for someone with these issues, any one who seeks their companionship doesn't view it as charity work. But simply out of love or hope for love.
> But others don't necessarily need to love us back. I hate quoting pop song titles, but love really is a two-way street.
You are absolutely right. Loving someone and not being loved back can not fulfill that need. And that's what we all wish for and need, that two-way street. Others need to love and be loved. Assuming other are healthy, they really don't need it as much because they've probably already have it or had it.
I'm not saying that there's someone out there for everyone. Tragically, some people will live and die without ever having had that critical part of the human experience. And if you say that's fate, I say it's merely hindsight. What we all deserve even more than love is hope. And I feel you're saying there are some people out there that should not be afforded that limitless commodity.
>>I'm only saying he could have found that blind girl he was always looking for, or someone with a similar illness.
He might have been able to find her, but I doubt anything would have come of it. The internet has, if nothing else, made us all much more cynical. I know if I received a message from a purported girl who expressed interest in me because I have limited range of motion in my legs, or because I'm partially deaf, my first response would be, "why?" I imagine it'd be the same for the blind girl. It's not at all flattering to know that someone is interested in you because of your disability, not in spite of it.
>>If someone has problems dealing with intimacy, how can they work on that by themselves? Hug a tree?
I think the argument generally goes that intimacy issues should be worked out through therapy and/or medication, so as not to burden a lover with one's romantic deficiencies.
>>Consider the story of a girl that was raped and beaten... Is this not a plausible situation, which possibly has happened before and will happen again in variations, in which all your presumptions fail?
I don't think my presumptions have failed at all. Note that I said that, according to the standard argument, a person should be healthy and stable before finding a "compassionate lover." In your example, the girl didn't find her lover; he found her. If a person is fortunate enough that someone else would seek out him or her and desire to enter into a relationship with that person, despite his or her "scars," then the onus is on the one seeking out the disabled person's affection. He or she has to accept the consequences of his or her decision.
If an unhealthy or incomplete person seeks out romance without healing first, then that leaves the other party open to the possibility of entering the relationship without full knowledge that this is likely to be a relationship more difficult to navigate than the norm. The healthy party has to be aware of what he or she is up against, and that his or her partner will need extra patience, consideration, and care. To enter a relationship under false presenses is profoundly unethical.
A better analogy were if your raped and beaten girl were somehow doing the pursuing. If she disclosed to her prospective partner all the trauma she has suffered, and that person still agrees to the relationship, that's just fine. But if she doesn't tell him, and they enter into a relationship, he'll find out eventually. It may come as a complete surprise to him and he will likely have trouble coming to terms with the full scope of its implications.
You say it's cruel to say that some people are unfit for love. I say its at least as cruel, if not more so, if someone with special emotional needs enters into a relationship without making the other person aware of those needs. Someone unhealthy and incomplete could certainly enter into a relationship after making the prospective partner aware of that fact, but how many people would really be willing to say yes?
(cont'd next post)
(cont'd from previous post)
>>There are degrees by which we are all entirely dependent on each other in order to survive and thrive. Since I don't grow my own food and don't know enough about plant life to even forage, I depend on the grocer and the long line of people that supply the food he sells. Unless your name is Les Stroud, you will depend on others.
But the point, as you yourself seem to concede with that last sentence, is that it is at least theoretically possible to survive independent of other human beings. It is not possible, theoretically or otherwise, to love -- and be loved -- independent of other human beings.
>>I must clarify a distinction: To deserve something is no guarantee that you will get it.
On this, at least, we agree. Yet I cannot say I share your optimism that people would be willing to help someone out romantically, even as "charity work." People all have their own problems; why would they willingly choose to enter a relationship where they have to deal with someone else's (arguably more intense) problems in addition to their own? The other person has to know that this will be an uphill struggle; why shoulder that additional burdern, when the healthy party could just as easily find someone more normal?
I'll grant that this sort of thing likely does happen, albeit uncommonly, but the how and why of it is mystifying to me.
>>What we all deserve even more than love is hope. And I feel you're saying there are some people out there that should not be afforded that limitless commodity.
Oh, people are free to hope all they want. But there is a point at which hope becomes a fool's errand. I think we, and especially those of us who qualify as "damaged goods," have to recognize that fact. Eventually, hope becomes counter-productive.
>>Then again, maybe you're thinking that we imply that by changing your ways, anyone you set your heart on will suddenly fall madly in love with you. That's not the case; love comes in many forms, and maybe one of the solutions is to learn to accept these different forms.
And what might those different forms be? Charitable work? Admission to the seminary? Something else that centers on a form of love other than romantic love?
>And what might those different forms be?
Just different forms of romantic relationship. I don't know what your experience of love is, but "love" itself is different with each person. No two relationships are the same. A lot of people try and fail at relationships because they expect it to enter an hypothetical frame they've made. They imagine it is supposed to work like this and when it doesn't, give up (that is 99% of the time before the relationship even began or before they even considered some person as a partner). If you have too many expectative as what to find in a relationship, you will have trouble finding one, and sadly, you will have trouble widening your perspectives. And no, reading a lot of romance books and watching a lot of romance films doesn't help. At all. More like the opposite.
>If someone has problems dealing with intimacy, how can they work on that by themselves? Hug a tree?
Confronting your fears is the best way to learn to manage them. By going slowly, one step at a time. And of course, therapy and meds, if you're into that.
>according to the standard argument [...] unethical [...]
Call me a cynic, but I don't think those are that important.
>You say it's cruel to say that some people are unfit for love. I say its at least as cruel, if not more so, if someone with special emotional needs enters into a relationship without making the other person aware of those needs. Someone unhealthy and incomplete could certainly enter into a relationship after making the prospective partner aware of that fact, but how many people would really be willing to say yes?
More than the people who would anwser if you don't ask. But yes, going out with someone without telling them of your issues is kinda cruel and is not honest (if you want to build a relationship based on honesty, good start buddy), I agree with that. Still, that doesn't mean you can't do it and see how it turns out. You should not is very, very far from you can not.
>why shoulder that additional burdern, when the healthy party could just as easily find someone more normal?
Some people are "healers" by nature. They're attracted to the weak and broken. Yes, it is strange, but there are quite a lot out there. Yes, they don't often finish their life with their broken companion, but it happens too. Some will skip to someone that has it worse when the first starts to get better. But that's not the point; the point is, some people do that.
>Eventually, hope becomes counter-productive.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. But hope is good, as long as you don't mistake hope for longing, as long as your hope is not irrealistic, and as long as you don't solely rely on hope. I'd say don't give up hope, but yeah, maybe question some of your expectations.
> interested in you because of your disability... "why?"
I'm certain Merrick didn't have a blind fetish. He wished to find someone who would love him for who he his and not be first repulsed by his appearance. I could only judge him poorly if he had no interest a woman just like him.
"Why" is a good question with fascinating answers. I'm aware of amputee fetishism and find it creepy, but if I had stumps for legs I wouldn't mind a woman who likes. As for deaf, there are people out there that find the deaf accent appealing (like a french accent). An interesting story is the woman who, as a girl, had a pot of scalding water fall on her. A third of her body is covered with this scar. She's accepted it because it happened to turn that entire area into an erogenous zone, and has found lovers that presumably must go beyond just accepting it. It's not surprising at all that people with the same disabilities tend to pair up. A similar life experience could certainly be a foundation to start a lasting relationship. It wouldn't be unexpected for one person in a deaf/deaf relationship become upset at the other for getting a cochlear implant.
Also note this site, and the option of selecting 'positive about disabled': http://www.datingdisabled.net/
> I think the argument generally goes ...
Who is making this argument? Where are you getting these 'rules'?
> therapy and/or medication
At the end of the day, the first or final step is not talking or pill popping, but DOING.
> burden a lover with one's romantic deficiencies
Just as he is free to decline to enter, he is free to leave.
> the girl didn't find her lover; he found her... onus is on the one seeking out the disabled person's affection... the consequences of his or her decision
That's the point. She didn't do anything to implicitly convince someone to love her. It happened, she deserves it, and she's better for it. You've previously stated that it's on the 'disabled' person fix themselves and only then find love. There is no onus here. It's love. To quote yourself quoting a pop song, "Love Is A Two Way Street".
> You say it's cruel to say that some people are unfit for love.
Inaccurate. I say it's cruel and uncompassionate that you would say that.
> its... cruel... if someone with special emotional needs enters into a relationship without making the other person aware of those needs
Except under extreme circumstance (HIV?), it's never wrong to want to put your best face forward. I would absolutely agree that when it's time to define the relationship, after three dates or three months, full disclosure is necessary. To not say you have intimacy problems or commitment issues would not only be dishonest but likely doom the relationship anyway. It would be weird to have someone say on the first date: "I'm bipolar, I hope you can accept this burden". I'm not certain if you had such an illness you'd disclose it like that until you were sure you could trust the person.
> as you yourself seem to concede with that last sentence
I consider myself a rational person and do concede, that two are required for a beneficial love that fulfills that human need. However I don't recall arguing against that. One could love someone or be in love with someone and have the other not return it, because love is not a physical thing but a feeling or a state of mind.
> this sort of thing likely does happen...but the how and why of it is mystifying to me.
It mystifies me that you don't understand. I've been on one side of the game and I would love to be a person that could take away that pain.
> those of us who qualify as "damaged goods," have to recognize that... hope becomes counter-productive.
This is just cynical. Cynical people have shorter lifespans. Most especially lonely ones.
To quote a pop song:
"For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you."
How dare you
How dare you tell your friends our relationship was nothing, that you never liked me. I can remember those cold nights, you cuddled in my arms asking if I would ever leave you. I remember you telling me how you missed me and wanted to see me. Tell your friends that we weren't that serious, that we were nothing more than friends with benefits. I know and you know that there was something more. You can hide it under the floor but you know it screams loudly; there was something between us. Go ahead, let them think, I won't stop you. The fact you have to play it up, remind them over and over is enough proof. Tell them what a bastard I was and how big of an asshole I am. Tell them every day and every hour. The more you tell them, the more I know you are trying to hide the fact that you allowed yourself, the queen of the campus, the princess of palestine to fall for a nobody, nerd, geek trekkie otoku like me and how you wish you never let me go. I was never the perfect guy for your friends, but I was the perfect guy for you.
I just met a girl who likes video games, anime, manga, rpgs, and hates Twilight... not to mention she's hot. I think i'm in love
>>116
Sounds like you won the lottery! Good luck with her!
I'm getting sick of being single. I want to go on dates but people who ask me out are the ones I'm not attracted to at all.
>>118
Lull, if they're "nice" give them a chance. Sometimes love is born through experience and not through attraction
It's Christmas day today and i just confirmed how sad and lonely i am being with no one at all - not family, not friends, and no special other. I sincerely hope the new year will bring something new for all of us.
Im a young male, unemployed due to a rough educational history though still trying. Due to my very low self esteem i seem to find reasons for girls to dislike me which also lowers my confidence for talking to a girl in the street. Most of this has stemmed up from my uneasy, sickly and lonely childhood. I can't say ive been single all my life though, ive experienced many relationships. Most girls ive dated seem to be shallow and never took notice that i'm more serious then just physical contact which can last but a moment, where as feelings and experiences stay with you forever.
I guess i feel ashamed sometimes to also reveal that by heart im an otaku which i try to hide and enjoy a subtle quiet life where as i have no real interest in living a hectic life like most of the people my age. Lots of people tell me to losen up but i just dont know how when in my heart, i feel the way i do. I don't have very much friends either because i tend to seclude myself. The reason i've taken my time to write this to a bunch of strangers is well... i guess i feel im at the edge of a cliff hanging on barely and that maybe something may change by opening up.
>>i guess i feel im at the edge of a cliff hanging on barely and that maybe something may change by opening up.
I believe that only holds true if you open up to people who are capable of helping in some way.
We're just voices in the digital choir. There's really nothing we can do to help your problems -- outside of dispensing advice -- and you're not terribly likely to pluck yourself a girlfriend out of our ranks.
As for feeling like you're hanging on the edge of a cliff, that's life. Agony, pain, and misery are essential parts of the human condition; none of us will ever be without them. The best you can hope for, really, is to struggle through it and count what blessings you have. There are a lot of very unhappy people in the world -- always have been, always will be. Those who are truly content are the tiniest of minorities.
I still got a trauma after the failed relationship with 5 ft 11 in with long-haired natural blond in 200X
i just tried signing up on eharmony and it said it was unable to match me. I am THAT big a loser :(
I hope all of you find someone special in the new year! Give it your all!
>> 119
I don't know. I feel bad for giving them hopes for something that wouldn't happen. I know that it's my fault for having a standards when it comes to guys. I try to lower it really but no one seemed to have given me the "I'm interested in you.. sure why not, I'll give you a chance" feeling yet.
I can't help but compare them to my long time crush for about 4-5 years (and still counting lol) (whom doesn't know I exist at all.. but I like him for some reason).
Hakuna Matata. You can't let a crush that you don't know very well hang you up on the possibilities in front of you. Maybe you should take charge and possibly give the guys you're not attracted to a chance too. You might end up finding someone special if you stop giving yourself an excuse not to be happy.
sighhh, 20 and still single...
Age= being girlfriendless
And so officially everyone i know has either dated or currently dating. Am i that much of a loser?
5yrs single here. damn, why the hell? anyway, i'm looking for nice, kind jap chicks that's why.
i think i'm very unsociable when some girls are trying to get my attention whom i don't dig.
crappy life being single. waiting for that perfect someone might leave me single for a decade. crap.
age=single might be worst afterall...
omfg. Some idiot just bump this.
Just create a thread -.-
Don't just wait, get out there and do something!
It said the same thing to me! its not the greatest site Dx
Ughh, I'm so lonely and lovesick lately. But the worst thing is that I don't even have any girls to dream about. I'm pining for somebody I haven't met yet, I guess. Hopeless.
I know how you feel man I'm stuck in my apartment with my friend and his girlfriend every time I see them it just reminds me of how alone I really am which is great because I see them everyday. I really want to find someone but I'm too paranoid and see emotions in people that don't exist. Oh well sometimes I see them argueing and I think to myself maybe being single isn't so bad after all. Every lifestyle has its hardships. After my last relationship maybe being lonely isn't so bad but still it's cold really cold being alone.
Just take a chance on someone you wouldn't expect to be with. They can slowly become your world
I just wanted to put it out there...I'm 22-years-old, been single for that long, and have been pining for this particular boy since I was 16. Half of me wants to hit myself in the head until I get a very minor concussion and the other half won't let me forget...and all the while, my alter-ego is shaking her head at my indecisiveness.
Been a while since I'd been around here.
Last night something odd happened. I dreamt of my childhood sweetheart. I very rarely think of her now; we lost track of each other after elementary school. I haven't seen her in something like... fifteen years?
It made me feel strange, so as I woke up, I googled her name out of curiosity, only to find out she got married last summer. For some reason, it made me feel awful, nearly sick. Maybe because it made me feel like I've achieved nothing, I don't know.
It's been a bleak day.
>>137
Life's all about direction, not position.
I took >>135's advice and hooked up with a girl. After a couple weeks, just as I was getting comfortable, she went back to her ex-boyfriend who had dumped her but suddenly changed his mind once he saw how happy she was with me.
I bear no ill will to either, as they're both my friends. I still feel a little shafted, though. It doesn't help that my own ex-girlfriend recently stopped talking to me. Guess it's back to square one!
I couldn't get along with anyone who isn't brilliant in their work, whether it be technical or artistic. Also they would have to be beautiful in body as well as mind - being healthy and physically active is a must. No, I am not a fat slob who dreams of what he will never have. I'm just a highly disciplined nerd who expects no less from people than what I expect from myself.
And I'm still single. Go figure.
Perhaps your standards are too high? I know plenty of people who are brilliant and also are beautiful. The more people you meet you are more likely to see these types of people. Sometimes it is not evident but if you have an open mind you can see someone who is amazing in both looks and personality.
I'm going to die alone.
Spent a cold night next to my cute neighbor watching the moon. My inner cynicism tells me it won't lead to anything. But for now, I'm going to sleep in the happy bliss of potential love yet to be tarnished by harsh reality.
This is gonna be yet another lonely Christmas.
>>143
This caught my eye. Don't forget that, ultimately, it's the person that matters, not the bond. They should not suddenly lose all value, simply because they won't be "yours". You should just enjoy connecting with others, regardless of what becomes of your relationship. You'll enjoy life more that way, trust me.
Whoo, it's 2011 and I'm still a single dude ._.
I have to admit, the moment of New Years (countdown) is only wonderful if you have someone to share that moment with :/
Oh well, one year... hopefully with someone from Hong Kong. :3
>> 146
I've been single for 23 years now, never had a girlfriend in my entire life. However I believe that it will eventually happen, just hang in there. Even densha otoko eventually found his girl ^_^. So every new year's eve I always tell myself: another year, another chance!
As my thoughts oscillate wondering if I'd ever feel love with a special someone or won't, it's as if my heart is caving inside itself (._.)
Its the start of a New Year, don't let the past bog you down in your attempts at happiness. Keep pushing forward. If the world really does end in 2012 then go all out in everything you do!
I really need to stop spending so much time and energy on this girl that already has a boyfriend. It's not that I don't enjoy our platonic moments of warm friendship, but in the end it's painful when we can't kiss.
>>150 just let it flow naturally, if things work out naturally then it'll all work out in the end :)
and yes i agree, you should touch a girl with a bf lol
My ex thought Valentine's Day would be a good night to tell me about her sexual encounters she's had with another guy. Seriously, what the fuck?
I can't bring myself to like women. I have sex with them sometimes, but I've never had anything even approaching a friendship with a girl, let alone a relationship. I guess I am just an old-school misogynist. If females didn't have boobs and a vagina, they'd simply be regarded as boring, annoying people who suck at everything.
I'd love to find a cool chick to have as a girlfriend, but they don't seem to exist. I don't want to have casual sex until I'm 50. How do I found worthwhile female?
I'm a 23 year old female virgin and fear I'm going to continue my slow walk down the path of crazy cat lady if I don't do something about it. While part of me wants the companionship more than just about anything, at the same time, I can't help but feel like maybe it's meant to be like this for me, because it almost feels right that I don't belong with anyone, even if it's not what I want.
I have difficulty enough talking to men, mostly because I'm just the typical shy nerd. I also have a sort of taste of men I'm attracted to. I've attempted to try and overcome this by at least settling with whoever can accept me, and I even managed to talk to a couple of guys who seemed nice. That is, up until I gave them my number and they both tried to initiate sext messaging with me. Maybe I'm desperate, but it feels a little insulting when their dick comes up in conversation while I'm trying to get to know them.
I sometimes get told I'm pretty. I also sometimes get told I look like a boy, a lesbian, or just plain weird. Being outgoing is hard enough as it is when you're used to people talking about you behind your back all the time.
I had been at least been in one relationship before, several years back. Internet, of course, but we did meet up and I at least got to kiss him. I actually had the chance to lose my clutch hold on my virginity, but I was terrified and just couldn't do it. We ended up breaking up about a month later, but he had friends in my area, so he moved nearby. We rarely hung out.
A little less than two years ago, sent me a text message asking if we could spend some time together, since we hadn't seen each other in a while. I made up an excuse and told him I was too busy to see him. Several days later, he committed suicide. I didn't go to his funeral.
I know it wasn't my fault it happened, but I can't help but feel guilt about the situation. Maybe I feel like the guilt is me just telling myself my failure with men today is because of a failure with one in the past. Or maybe I'm just using it as an excuse to hide my own pathetic shortcomings.
TL;DR, words words words. I'm tired, so I'm sure this post is just a mess, but I really just needed to type this out. Feels a little better to ramble.
to Secret Admirer, I think you should get to know me and let me teach you how to relax and get to know the pleasures of the sexual side of life and enjoy it fro what it is, not live in fear of it.
How does an older fella find some good young sex, havent been laid in years
I lose again.
Of the last three girls I've verbally expressed interest in:
1. Flat out no, she was dropping out of school and leaving the state, her feelings for me are unknown to me. (1 year ago)
2. Revealed she's had a boyfriend all along. (Fuck me. >_>) (6 months ago)
3. Told me how she liked me too but life is too crazy right now and she wants to patch things up with ex/not-ex?-boyfriend. (1 hour ago)
The last one watched movies with me and cuddled with me before this.
WTF. I fucking fail every time.
Worst part? These three girls consitute maybe 40% of all the girls I've met in the past 2 years. The other 60% are unattractive--for a variety of reasons be it physical, mental, or emotional--or they've already got boyfriends.
GODDAMIT
Am I let to the game? By age 20 are all the good options already gobbled up?
WHAT
THE
FUCK.
I'm pissed.
The strongest adult bulletin board in Japan
http://www.y-bbs.net/
I really need to stop thinking about...let's just call him "baka deshi" (at least, that's what I called him). I'm 22 and I loved him since I was 15. I wanna hit myself in the head and get a semi-concussion so that I can suffer from selective amnesia. The best part of this post is that I'm listening to DBSK's "I Wanna Hold You" while writing this. Damn me, damn the beautiful song, and damn being a single, horny, lonely young woman.
>>159
so why do you call him "baka deshi"
whats the story behind that?
I called him that out of affection. We had this extended joke...I was the "guru" and he was the "baka deshi." I helped him with everything academic except history (for that, he ended up helping me). Anyway, that's how "baka deshi" came to be. Sometimes, if he was really good and amused me, he would get "promoted" to "idiotic apprentice." The weird thing is he never got beyond that because he would often get "demoted" back to "baka deshi." Sounds abusive but believe me, we mutually respected each other and used these nicknames as a friendly joke. Does that answer your question, #160?
>>161
man I wish I had that sort of friendship with someone
Hey 162, thanks for the sweet youtube clip. And damn, you're so right. @163, I hope that you do find somebody, even if it's for a little while. Although I don't speak to "baka deshi" as much as I should, I'm grateful for the little time we had together. I just wish that it became more. -_-
I've finally asked somebody out for the first time after all these years. I did not mention to "S" explicitly that it was going to be a date and such because I did not have the balls yet to do that (and I thought it would be just tacky). Although I do hope that this would be the start to a steady relationship.
This is the plan to the "date". Movie first and then to beachside bar for drinks/dinner. All you Secret Admirers out there! How can I avoid this chance from becoming another forgettable event of my life?!
I am >>152. I got together the balls to just finally ask her directly since all my indirect shit wasn't working out. She deliberated on it for four hours straight. (I was sitting nervously awaiting her answer for those painful hours. Though I kept saying she could think about it and tell me later, she kept saying "no, just wait a little longer..." and continued debating internally.) Eventually she chose me and broke up with her long-distance boyfriend (with whom her relationship had turned mutually passionless long ago, I found out later). We've been dating happily for nearly three months now and the future still looks bright...thanks for the support, >>151.
>>165, how did your date go? Even if you failed, at least you succeeded in asking somebody out, and you can learn from mistakes!
Congrats >>152 who's really >>150! I'm glad things worked well for you! And to >>165, I agree with >>152. I regret that I didn't pursue "baka deshi." Although my gut tells me that it would have been hopeless, I wish that I had at least tried. If that had been the case, I would have the comfort of knowing that I did everything in my power. Instead, all I have are good memories and this nagging bit of regret/heartache. Go put yourself out there, >>165! You can do it! And here's a little bit of late advice - since you didn't explicitly state that it's a date, just make sure that you restrict your behavior and activities to "friendly fun." Hopefully that will encourage "S" to hang out with you for more "events." However, if "S" suspects that your evening out is a "date" as opposed to "friendly fun," it's best to be honest. Be candid, polite, and considerate...after that, it's all in "S's" hands. Good luck!
Sorry for double-posting...but I really need to rant. I turned 23 today. I'm happy that I'm alive and that many people love and care for me, but I still feel lonely. Despite the fact that I have a wonderful family and great friends, I don't think that it can satisfy my longing for a serious and meaningful romantic relationship. I have had one-sided romances, but I'm tired of the heartbreak. I've also had people pursue me, but I unfortunately had no romantic feelings for any of them. (On a side note, to those have have expressed interest in me, I thank you and am humbled by your attentions.) Usually, this doesn't bother me. It's only when the rest of the world is fast asleep and I'm awake and alone staring blankly at the ceiling that I start to wonder if I'll find my someone. Even now, I find myself watching the blades of my ceiling fan turn over and over again...and with every turn it reminds me of how many moments, how many years I've spent being single. Because I am a proud young woman, I often tell myself that I am a SAP (Single and Proud) and that I should embrace my freedom and independence. Because I've never had a boyfriend, I only know the joys and privileges of being unattached. You would think that I can't miss what I never had. Even so, there's still that small feeling of loneliness that tugs at my heart. Sadly, that small feeling is enough to undo me.
Still misunderdstood ._.
>>169, have you given any of your suitors a chance? Perhaps you would develop feelings for them over time if you hung out with them a bit.
Besides that, all you can do is keep searching. You're still young and there's still plenty of people whom you have yet to meet. It's hard to fully appreciate the advantages of being SAP until you've actually been in a relationship and seen what it's like.
>>171, I feel a little embarrassed saying this...but whenever I had a "suitor," it would always be after being friendly with them for a while (usually a year or two) that they would tell me they liked me. And the only reason why they would tell me is because I was too oblivious to notice it. Ah, how funny in hindsight but a little bit sad at the same time. But thanks for being kind and for trying to reassure me. I think I'm just frustrated because I never experienced mutual attraction. It was either a one-way attraction or we'd like each other but for many reasons wouldn't pursue it.
My curiousity has ushered me to this site. Interesting topics. I don't believe I'll be able to read them all but excuse me while I do. lol. Good evening everyone by the way. Hopefully your morning/afternoon/eve/night is well.
I doon't know if it's me but it seems like when I mention that I'm a christian a guy puts me on pause and runs away then by the time I'm off this "pause timer", he's gone. I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS! HELLO?! Is it because a guy thinks I'm going to reprimand him from doing every single thing in the book. To be honest 'yes' it would be nice to meet someone who is christian as well but if I do meet someone who sparks my interest; which is rare because I'm picky; why do they run away based on religion?
I'm not a judge in court who is going to sentence you to death row or prison life because you sin. COME ON!!! -_- -side comments to myself- I feel like I'm watching a game and routing for a team. Good grief. I need to lay up off tv.
>I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS! HELLO?!
that does not obligate anyone to be with you
Maybe if guys are going away is becauase religion is making you behave in ways that are not interesting to them. Or maybe is not just religion...its just the way you behave...maybe you think it´s all about religion when it´s not.
>>174 religious types are often not worth the trouble for those not belonging to the same religion. it results in a lot of headache in the long run depending on how strongly religious the person is. for those of separate faiths, the conflict should be obvious. for the atheists, as far as they are concerned you have a mental disorder. they cant deal with your bullshit and will roll their eyes every time you pray. for agnostics, they dont want to be preached to or converted, and we all know how christians love to convert people.
When I was twenty-four, I dated a nineteen-year-old girl. When we met, I thought she was older, and she thought I was younger, so it was kind of a surprise to us both. But there was mutual attraction, so we went for it.
Suffice it to say, it didn't work. She was going to a junior college, whereas I had been out for some time. I didn't yet know what I wanted to do with my life, but I at least had some good ideas of what I didn't want to do. I had lived overseas, burned out on one career, and was casting about for another. Picking my girlfriend up from school definitely felt weird, and her idea of a great date involved basically just hanging out at the mall for hours on end (at least it was a cheap date). She didn't seem to have much to talk about except school, friends at school, problems with her parents (whom she was still living with)… I can't remember how it ended, but I remember feeling rather relieved that it did. It was precious life experience, and it turned me off of the idea of dating girls who weren't at least old enough to have graduated college and lived out in the real world a bit.
Fast forward to now, five years later. I've found a career, and since neither it or anything else was holding me down, I'm living overseas again. I'm taking classes to learn the local language. (If you ever have the opportunity to do something like that, I highly recommend it; great way to meet lots of interesting people from all around the world with a common interest, and not only for romantic relationships.)
I'm finding myself starting to fall head over heels for another of the students. She's single and cute, and even though we're only able to communicate in the language that we're both still in the early stages of learning, she strikes me as pretty smart, and with an interesting life story. She seems to tolerate me, if not like me, and we often engage each other in conversation. I really want to get to know her better.
So what's the problem?
She's nineteen.
But you probably saw that coming.
Single after an off-and-on, one-sided relationship that ended either one or five years ago, depending on who you ask. It was a real disaster. And it was the only relationship I've ever had, so there's that too.
Almost every woman I've met since around my age I haven't been interested in, even a little bit. I don't know what it is. I think I'll have to start settling soon just to be seen as normal by my family. I certainly can't tell them the truth.
HUMANS ARE INTERESTING
>>181
no theyre not
hit me up for a good time;) 4254175777
I asked a girl out, I thought she was interested in me. Turned out she was gay but just really nice.
A woman gave me her number around two weeks ago. I was getting some teeth removed and she was the dentist's assistant. I really don't remember what she looks like or what I said to her because of the anesthetic they gave me. I told myself I would call when I had finally healed from the surgery, but I have refrained from doing so. I don't what to say to her.
And so I'll keep thinking about it and never act on it like I always do.
So it goes.
Nothing's happening, as usual. I just work and drink and sleep and repeat that process. I'm not interested in women, so I don't mind this kind of life, but living alone might get rough after a while. I may have to settle on someone just to have companionship of some kind. I don't like that idea, but what else can I do?
Most of the time, I'm totally fine. I don't mind being alone, I actually kind of enjoy it (especially when I see my friends in their relationships being miserable). I live like they do, except I don't constantly have to be on the phone telling them what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go. It's nice.
But every now and then, I become overwhelmed with a sudden sadness or loneliness. It would be nice to have somebody to talk to about shit. Or, it's like, "What's wrong with me?" Why don't I seem to be capable of what everyone else is? People say "Just talk to a girl," and I've tried, but it's difficult. It's like I'm trying to communicate in a language I don't understand. I just never learned the rules to the game.
This only lasts for a day or two at most, usually, and then I forget about it or stop caring about it.
I feel like a shitfuck for even making this post, but it's kind of therapeutic to get it out.
I hope all of you people end up happy
so here i am, finally in japan.. i'm always witing for a hermes-tan.. man can't seem to find one.. but all the chicks here are so fine.. a handful are fuglies.. y
almost 3years in, no gf in japan yet.. but there's a kid about 15yrs old is so into me.. i dunno what to do. i'm no lolicon but she is so cute.. help? i'm15yrs her senior btw.
more like 18-21years her senior.. damn
>>193 well in some cases i know some girls like guys that are older because they feel like they are more mature. but 18-21 years older that can cause a few problems such as generation gap. i know people who are 55 years old that have a girlriend who is 20 years younger then them, they sometimes get into a few fights due to generation gap as older people wont understand what the younger generation are thinking.