What can I do to flirt successfully with women (18)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-21 02:30 ID:qdnpVhL+

I can talk to anybody I'm not shy. I talk to strangers all the time. I talk to women too. I just can't seem to flirt with them.

It's like there is this invisible boundary that I can't cross.

I get nervous and feel like I'm getting too close or invading their boundaries. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

What can I do to flirt better, and not be worried about it?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-21 04:17 ID:N5aLDxKc

I sort of have the same problem. I'm not really shy, but I've never really been able to flirt with any girls, and it's becoming a serious handicap. For me, it's not about invading boundaries, although I'd rather not come off as a creeper, it seems like I always get such a tepid response whenever I talk to a new girl, like she'll exchange pleasantries, but past that has no interest in me being anywhere near her. I understand it's partially psychological on my part, but it's become so commonplace that, since all girls I talk to have such a disinterested, insincere introductions, it's become damn hard to even consider them as someone I would want to go out with in the first place. It's really becoming a problem.

I understand the advice of simply practicing flirting in a no-consequences situation where you don't even care if they bite, but even that doesn't feel like it would fix the problem.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-21 06:50 ID:isvsC/xj

you might not feel it will work but you should try it anyways. it might

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-21 13:57 ID:QXBt5XfN

I try not to care if they bit most of the time. I used to care more than than I do.

I was raised by just my mom, with no father around. When I was young I remember my mother teaching me not to get aggressive with women, to let the come to me. She taught me to be passive. But passive hasn't worked. The only times in my life when an interaction with a women when the way I wanted it to was when I was active, aggressive.

I just can't seem to stay aggressive, I slip back into my passive ways.

5 Name: Einz : 2009-05-22 00:39 ID:F7BMxuOc

sometime i like u, i want to change somehow >.<

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-22 03:26 ID:rkb1n4xc

I use to be like that until. I was terrified that I would be invading their boundary and come off as a creep. But then, after one night, I realize there is a thin line between being friendly and flirty. So now, I routinely cross, without even realizing it, and I just think I am being friendly and funny.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-06 08:18 ID:YBGcIFEn

hey OP, I'm like you.

I was raised in a conservative environment...both my parents are very straightlaced folks and as a result some of my social skills have suffered.

Some years ago, before I realised I had this problem I'd just talk to people and be boring.

Now that I realise this, I find myself over-analysing every interaction with the opposite sex and that's not making things much better either.

Sigh.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-06 19:18 ID:KhxRBq+T

>>7 Spend your time with people with the same interests as you. Common motivations is an excellent social grease

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-07 18:42 ID:kZnKbqg0

>>8

yeah that's what i try to do...but somehow after the initial 'spark' things just stagnate.

for example i get to know someone who's into books and travelling, like i am...we get a good vibe going talking about books we like, places we've been to...but somehow i get a sense that the conversation's not GOING anywhere.

i don't know how to put this into words, but i get this 'stalling' feeling...like we're just talking about the stuff and once the 'topic' has run it's course it's back to square one.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-07 20:52 ID:CuWXeSSH

YO LEGS MUST BE TIRED AS HELL COS U BEEN RUNNIN IN MY HEAD ALL DAY YO!

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-30 09:54 ID:QgLs2Em1

>>10
Excellent.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-30 22:48 ID:f79TRgN4

Well, honsestly, you have to try being nice, compliments never hurt, not to many at least, and once you think one topic is too drawn out, or she does, try to change topics.

Let's say you meet a girl in a sports store. Obviously she's single by the ways she's shopping around the girls stuff, or yadda yadda. Then you talk about whatever sport thing is in her hand. Say, a pink basket ball. Ask her if she likes basket ball, and just start talking. Then, to other sports. Then to other things. Just try to bring other things up. Girls don't expect boys to know everything immediately!!!

As a fellow girl, I know some topics can be a bit annoying after a while, a change is always good.

<3 Hope it helped!! ^,^

Go get `em tiger!!! =^,^=

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-01 15:47 ID:BM4L/HaG

what is flirting, actually?

i've never really understood what it actually means to flirt...

can anyone give me some 'examples' of what could be classified as flirting?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-01 16:16 ID:iFTGIiUi

Flirting is being friendly, with some slight sexual hints. The sexual hints can be simple compliments, body language, or even some touching.

To be honest though, it is one of those things you can't define. Apparently I am a huge flirt, and I didn't realize it until recently. I always thought I was being friendly, but I there is a thin blurry line between friendly and flirty.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-01 18:16 ID:hR8tUOBM

>>14

Hahhaha, seem i'm a flirty guy as well. Mny of my females friends have tried to seduce me out of the blue, and it turned that they said i was the one flirting first. Sucks a little.

16 Name: AnonymousMan7 : 2009-07-01 23:26 ID:Heaven

just be yourself.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-03 02:31 ID:zKECZ9DH

winking and smiling.. while standing more close than in normal conversation. trying to reach or slightly touch other body during it feels good man :P

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-03 05:06 ID:QDwPa8F1

>i get this 'stalling' feeling...like we're just talking about the stuff and once the 'topic' has run it's course it's back to square one.

A topic of common interest is a nice opening, because it gives you time to find useful information about the other person. But it can only do so much. You have to use that window of opportunity to advance the relationship, and not simply stagnate and exhaust the topic. The common interest will be regularly useful in a relationship, but of course it can't be the only resource you use to further your relationship.

So next time, while you are using a common interest to have a opening conversation, get to know important information like what does your person of interest does during leisure time, favorite music, films, etc, what are her other centers of interest, what is the structure of her family, and circle of friends, etc. All this will be useful to create yourself new chances of doing things with her. It's impossible to run out of conversation topics with someone you just met.

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