Just tell me your problems... (122)

61 Name: Oracle : 2009-09-26 16:43 ID:1hTtMaUb

>I don’t know where to go from here.

Your priority now should be to get to know her as well as possible, and create good times together. You should learn what are her activities, hobbies, centers of interest and values. As you get to know her better, turn this info into new ways of meeting her, doing things with her. Does she like a certain style of music/film/book? Lend her something of yours that you think she would like, or go to a concert or jazz-bar, etc.

Shared enjoyable experiences are a powerful way of bonding. What you do depends not only on her tastes, but also on yours. Simply concentrate on those interests of her that also motivate you, so that both of you enjoy the ride and want more of it. Motivate her to wish to spend more time with you.

As you learn more about her, share also info about you. It will be enjoyable for her, and is a good way to show that she matters to you, since you find her worthy of sharing those topics. Just avoid talking too long about you. A good way to know if you should proceed is to notice if she keeps asking you questions. As long as she asks you stuff, it's safe to continue.

>I really don’t want to get Friendzoned

Nobody gets friendzoned. What happens is that people retreat into friendzone for fear of rejection. Everyone who claims to have been friendzoned is simply lying and not taking responsibility for his actions.

The way to avoid ending up in Friendzone is simple: you just avoid behaving like a friend, and instead you behave like a suitor. You don't want to befriend this girl, you want to date her. The behaviors leading to friendship and dating are different, and it's only if you mix both that you will end up in Friendzone.

As someone who wants to date the girl, you will prefer to spend time with her alone, and not with other people. It's ok to get to know her friends, but that's about it. She is the point of interest, not the other people. So just make sure you are meeting her mostly alone.

Friends have common interests. For a suitor, the girl IS the interest, so show it. Pay attention to her, and note things about her. Probably things that you like about her, but not only. Show that you are watching her (for instance, failing to notice her new haircut would be bad). Since you are attracted to her, praise her for what pleases you. But don't flatter her, she'll understand and hate it: just say what you like about her, without overbearing her. It can be clothes, some interest or trait of character she has, whatever. You are basically conveying the idea that you mind her and like stuff about her.

Touch her. Regardless of whether you live in a culture where people touch each other a lot, or very little, DO touch her. It can be subdued, like helping her enter somewhere, or giving/taking and object, or even unfolding some torn piece of clothing, to the more obvious like touching her hair (to make a comment on it or to settle it), or kissing good-byes. Use your judgment, but make sure you are touching her in a different way than how friends would touch each other. And remember it can stay subtle, but still be efficient.

BTW: if she likes to dance, then don't miss an opportunity to dance with her, even if you are terrible at it. If she enjoys dancing, then it will really be a good investment lo learn to dance. In any case, to be able to dance is always a good investment, as far as women are concerned.

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