I found this forum just recently and became a lurker. I am sorry if this is in the wrong section ^^;
Anyways, I like this guy for almost 4-5 years now (back during high school-- grade 10 to be exact). We never met nor talked to each other. I think the first time I ever saw him was in our high school's cafeteria. After that, I just kept seeing him a lot around the school until I became curious of him. I remember one night, I found my grade 9 year book and I was flipping through pages and I saw his picture and got his name. So I did my homework and found out he was a year older than me. I guess you can say he was somewhat part of the "cool kids" and was involved playing basketball. I kept watching him from a far (no I was not following him but when I would see him in the cafeteria, I would just watch him until he leaves). During his last year in our high school, there was a last basketball game and he was playing. I didn't go for some reason and I still regret it now.
So years go by and he graduated. During my senior year, I felt lonely and I would always tell my friends that I long to see him-- even for a second. That actually came true during the last month of my senior year. He came over to visit my school (and I'm guessing to play basketball at our school court because it was a nice day and he wore basketball clothes?). I remember how happy I was when I first saw him. I saw him with his twin talking to my middle school friend and when I was about to say hi to my friend (attempted to meet him that moment), my crush left before I even got to say hi. I didn't know that it will be the last time I'll see him.
I thought of giving him up a lot until one day I said to do it but I realized it was harder than I thought.
One day, I was on the train, I told myself to give him up and so I did. That day, I remember coming a cross a court of people playing basketball which made me remember him more. That same night when I watched Ugly betty, I heard his name a lot and I thought of him more. I realized that everything around me starting to remind him of what I knew of him (basketball for example).
A year went by, my part time work got very demanding and I started thinking of him less. While I was going to attend my 9:30 morning class, I remember I was running late and I started to walk really fast until I walked passed a parked white van and I thought I saw a glimpse of him through the windshield (and I was sure he was looking at me when I saw him). I ignored it saying to myself that I was hallucinating but later on, it began to bother me. 2 months ago, while I was working during a busy summer day, I saw him walking pass my store and I remember running out of my store and when I try to see glimpse of him, I saw his back until he was lost in the crowd.
When facebook became a hit, I thought for fun I would look him up and so I did. I found him but he disabled his account (for about 2 years until recently) couple of weeks later when I saw it. I feel like it's time for me to move on but I can't move on when I feel like this. Recently I thought of sending him a random message on facebook (using a mule facebook account-- I don't have the courage to tell him on my original account) telling him that I like him but I'm so indecisive that I turned to my two best friends. One said "don't do it, it's too creepy" and the other said "go for it". I know it would be creepy probably at his point of view but to me, I feel like it's the only way for me to move on. I guess I'm curious to hear what his answer would be (well if he ever replied back) but still, I'm kind of confusing.
so my question is: should I do it? Should I confess to him on facebook? (since that's the only way I CAN talk to him after all).
I really need advices. I know you guys might read this and find it very silly but your input about this is very important to me. I'm willing to listen to anything you guys have to say before I make my decision.
(part two)
I know that I'm probably disturbing someone and I'm not that kind of person to bring trouble to others but this time, I feel like I should do something about it--- for myself (I might sound selfish, I know). I thought of the results if I ever do it (good and bad). But still, I'm not quite sure if it's going to be the "right" decision.
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It's funny how people around us are so connected but we never had the chance to meet. I'm actually active in this other forum where I came across this guy who happened to go to my high school (small world). We talked a lot and I found out that he is a friend of my crush. However, we don't talk that much anymore. My crush actually has a twin. His twin was a friend of my friends (my crush's twin's friend is a coworker of my friends and through that, they are I guess acquaintances). I didn't have the nerve to force them to meet his twin-- I always thought it was weird. My high school best friend actually sees my crush now and then on the bus (she lives somewhat far from me). She would text me whenever she sees him and I remember how happy I would get.
You aren't crushing on him, you are crushing on the idea of him, an idealized view of what you think he is like rather than anything based on reality. You need to move on because you are effectively crushing on a figment of your imagination and this is unhealthy because it's preventing you from moving into a real relationship. I'm telling you this as someone who had suffered from a similar obsessive crush-from-afar type deal, though I did meet her and talk to her once and spent time in her company though silently, even though I am mostly over it I still think about her in weak moments, which is too often still really.
My advice tell your friends to never to mention him again to you, and do your best to put him out of your thoughts entirely. Think about meeting new people and getting to know them and maybe even dating.
If you really have to do something for yourself address a letter to some non-existent person and non-existent place and bare your soul, mail it, and move on. As a plus someone may eventually read it and get a laugh out of it.
Yep, this guy's right. You're merely projecting your fantasy upon his image. You're not seeing clearly here. Really, what do you even know about him that made you fall for him? His personality? His heart? No, all you know about him is how he looks, the rest is all your imagination filling the blanks.
I know it's hard to come to terms with this, as I've had such a blind crush myself, so I know how you feel; But you really need to start thinking objectively about this. If you don't, then you'll not only be more disappointed later, but it might get in the way of you finding someone that really does matter.
Hm, come to think of it, were I still blindly crushing on that one girl, I might never have fell for my true love...
Ouch, scary.
Thank you both for what you have said. I realized my silly-ness in this and I feel embarrassed to even posted this at all. I decided I wouldn't. I'll just force myself to move on somehow. Thank you both again.
>>5 You don't need to apologize or even feel embarrassed about it.
I personally think you should give it a try. Sure, your affectation for him is not based on anything of his character, but it's a powerful feeling you have inside of you, and it would be a waste not to act upon it, not to mention that if you leave it as it is, it will continue to block your life. And who knows, perhaps the guy is awesome for you, and it even clicks together?
If I were you, I would just write him a letter (using your very own facebook profile, mail or whatever, don't use a fake account), in which you explain to him that you have been crushing very hard on him (you can tell the whole story as you posted it here), and that you would like to invite him to meet at least once. Tell him that even if he has a girlfriend, or is not in the least interested, you would still like to meet once to talk a bit, reminisce of old times, and bring closure.
You have nothing to be ashamed, on the contrary. It's a pity that you did not act before on your feelings, but as they say, better late than never.