Please correct my English (33)

1 名前: micchann : 2006-12-18 07:13 ID:3Wsve/3V

I've just created this thread in order to improve my English skills.
If you're kind enough to correct my English,I'll give you my sweet kiss.lol

2 名前: micchann : 2006-12-18 07:58 ID:3Wsve/3V

I'd been thinking about what to write and got a conclusion.
I'm going to write book reports because I love reading.
First of all,I'll pick up a book I've just finished reading.
The title of the book is "kokka no hinkaku" written by Masahiko Fujiwara.
Wow,How can I translate this Japanese words into Englisf ones ?
I wonder If I 'd put them into wrong ones,the author get angry and blame me.
Anyway "kokka no hinkanu" means "State dignity",I think.

Well,I'm very exhausted.so Let's call it a day.

                  to be continued

3 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-18 14:08 ID:rlGDliul

First of all, you need to learn to put a space after your commas.

>First of all,I'll pick up(...)

First of all, I'll pick up(...)

4 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-19 02:54 ID:BVpcAnOl

>>3 is correct - you are supposed to put a space after commas, OK?

The book title could be translated "Dignity of a State" I think, so you are probably right or close. の tends to mean "of" in English, and "a" is used because of "State" is just 1 but isn't specific, but using "states" instead of "a state" might also be right because English requires that distinction. Explaining this is already making my head hurt...I probably should not think too much about my language. How did I learn this?

"got a conclusion" is probably not correct, but it's the way I talk!

You can just say "title" instead of "title of the book", because we know from the context what you mean, and it's shorter.

"I wonder if I'd put them into wrong ones,the author get angry and blame me." - You need a word before "get" and I think "might" would be better, because you are only wondering. If you knew what happens, then you should say "would get angry"

"so Let's" should be "So let's" - remember, at the first word of a sentence, you need to use a capital letter, OK? But that's only for proper English. On the internet, most English speakers don't really like to do that because it's easier to be lazy and not use the capital letters.

You have very nice English skills, though. It's nice that you are learning this interesting language! But don't kiss too much on the lips, because I'm also a girl.

5 名前: micchann : 2006-12-19 07:09 ID:9jjPi5en

>>3>>4
Thank you so much.
I felt something was wrong with it while I was typing.
But I'd never recognised my mistake before you pointed out.
I'll keep your advice in mind as long as I live.
Oops, it's too much exaggeration.Sorry, I'm always like this.

6 名前: micchann : 2006-12-19 10:06 ID:9jjPi5en

>>4
Dear Ms.Sakura
It's very kind of you to teach me a lot of things in detail.
I can't express my thanks enough for your kindness because of my poor English.
But when I see some improvement,I think it's a good return for your favor.So I'll do my best.

                          Sincerely Yours

7 名前: micchann : 2006-12-19 11:28 ID:9jjPi5en

This book was sold quite well and made best-seller lists this year and the word "hinkaku" became so popular among Japanese people.
If my memory serves me correctly,it was nominated as one of this year's "ryukougo taisyo".
Now I have trouble having to explain to you about "ryukougo taisyo".
Someone help me ! It's beyond my ability.
In short, we have a contest at the end of the year in which we select some buzzwords-of-the-year.

Since I use my head so hard,I feel dizzy.need some rest.
So much for today. bye byeeeee.

to be continued.

8 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-19 11:53 ID:BVpcAnOl

searching for "ryukogo taisho", I found it...your description was pretty much right. It is awards for buzzwords of the year. For English words, there is usually a list in the newspapers around New Year's Day, but I don't remember who does them.

9 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-19 14:10 ID:rlGDliul

>>5
X (...) exaggeration.Sorry, I'm (...)
O (...) exaggeration. Sorry, I'm (...)

10 名前: micchann : 2006-12-20 12:46 ID:9jjPi5en

>>8
Needless to say,I also looked up the word in my dictionary.
I've never seen it before.

hum...I want to ask you something, but....

>>9
Thanks.But I've had enough of that kind of advice.
You know, understanding is one thing and practicing is another thing.
See what I mean ?

11 名前: micchann : 2006-12-20 13:38 ID:9jjPi5en

       Contents (目次)

第一章
近代的合理精神の限界
全ての先進国で社会の荒廃が進行している。その原因は、近代のあらゆるイデオロギーの根幹を成す「近代的合理精神」が限界にぶつかったことにある。

Limitations (deadlock) of modern rationality.
Societies(Communities) are progressively devastating in all advanced countries.
The reason consists in limitations of modern rationality,which form of the backbone of every ideology in modern era.

12 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-20 15:22 ID:rlGDliul

>>10

>Thanks.But

It seems that you are not willing to learn the basics.

13 名前: micchann : 2006-12-20 20:45 ID:9jjPi5en

Correction
devastating→devastated

14 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-21 00:36 ID:BVpcAnOl

>>11
modern era → the modern era

otherwise it's written very well.

Also, 第一章 might be written in English as "Chapter 1"

The book you mentioned is very interesting, although I don't really agree with a lot of what the author says, he does have some good points. There are problems with both what he suggests and what he opposes, but it certainly makes me think.

15 名前: micchann : 2006-12-21 08:28 ID:68aHpQ1q

>>12
拝啓
一昨日、一人の男性が亡くなりました。彼の名は青島幸雄といいます。彼は多方面においてマルチな才能を発揮した人で国会議員を経て
最終的には東京都知事にまでなりました。そんな彼がテレビの放送作家時代に作った流行歌が当時、大ヒットしました。その歌詞の中に
「わかっちゃいるけど、やめられない」という一節があります。
聖人ならいざ知らず、我々凡庸な人間の実在性の核心に迫るような
非常に洞察力のある言葉です。
その彼の至言をもじって「わかっちゃいるけど、できな〜い」という
フレーズを作り、あなたに捧げたいと思います。
あなたはコンマやピリオドの後、間を空けてタイプを打つよう、貴重な助言を私にしてくださいました。
私は違和感を持ちながらも気づかずに行なっていたので、あなたの
助言をとても有難く思いました。
しかし、その後も私は同じような過ちを繰り返しています。
ですが、それはあなたの助言を理解していないからではありません。
私の過去の習性によって間違いを犯しているのです。間違って反復
された運動回路を是正するには意識的な注意力と時間が必要です。
何卒のご寛容をもってご理解いただけたら幸いにおもいます。
勿論、あなたの仰るようにどの様な分野に置きましても基礎的なことが大切なことは言うまでもありません。

        あらあらかしこ あらかしこ
        アーメン、ソーメン、冷ソーメン
        やきにくやいてもいえやくな
                     失礼しました。

16 名前: micchann : 2006-12-21 08:34 ID:68aHpQ1q

>>12
I'd like you to read the comments above.
But in case you don't understand Japanese,I'll translate them
into English tomorrow.
So please wait until then.

17 名前: micchann : 2006-12-21 10:44 ID:68aHpQ1q

>>14
I'm very glad to hear that you've read the book.
Now we became "book friends" with each other.
But I don't know whether that sort of relationship exists in the world or not.
Every time I read your English,I feel a little bit jealous of your ability.
When I make English sentences,I sometimes get frustrated.
because I can't express what I really want to say in English.
BUt you look like you can express anything easily.

I guess you don't agree with him on English educational system.

It's time to go to bed.

18 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-21 13:47 ID:rlGDliul

>>15>>16 It's ok, I understand the gist of it.

The thing is, to make yourself understood by others you need to put in a little effort. Putting a space after a comma or a period helps to make your sentences easier to read. It takes only a moment to re-read your sentence and correct it.

X Japanese,I'll translate
O Japanese, I'll translate

19 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-21 22:19 ID:BVpcAnOl

>>18 While you are correct, it is opposite in Japanese. It's harder to remember to do something you aren't used to doing.

X ですが、 それは
〇 ですが、それは

See what I mean?

Lesson for the day:

English → Space after punctuation
Japanese → No space after punctuation

Have a nice day everyone!

20 名前: micchann : 2006-12-22 11:26 ID:3Wsve/3V

>>18
You can say that again.
Come to think of it, I've never re-read my sentences until now.
Why ? May be it's embarrassing for me to re-read them.
So you always re-read your sentences, don't you ?
For me, you're a very strict teacher but give me a lot of
thought-provoking things.

21 名前: micchann : 2006-12-22 12:55 ID:3Wsve/3V

I'm going to translate my favorite novel which I've read recently.
The book title is "kage hinata ni saku" and the author's name
is Gekidan hitori.
He is a famous Japanese comedian and this is for the first time
he wrote a novel.
But I'm sure he is blessed with inborn gift as a novelist.

22 名前: micchann : 2006-12-22 13:25 ID:3Wsve/3V

拝啓、僕のアイドル様

愛の妄想力

武田みやこ。通称ミャーコ。僕の好きなアイドル。
まだミャーコは世間的にメジャーではないので、その名前すら知らない人も多いだろうが、是非少しでも多くの人にミャーコの名前を憶えて頂きたい。彼女こそ真のアイドルであり、真の女性である。その名前を憶えて損はないはず。
よく、「売れたら遠くの存在になって寂しい」なんて言うファンもいるが、僕はそんな身勝手なファンじゃない。そんなことを言うのは
アイドルたちを本当に愛していない証拠だと思う。本当に心から愛しているのであれば、彼女たちの「売れっ子になりたい」という願いを一緒になって応援すべきだと思う。僕はミャーコにはもっと売れて欲しいし、もっともっと果てしなく遠い存在になってもらいたい。

Next time, I'll translate the sentences above into English ones.

23 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-22 22:01 ID:BVpcAnOl

「The book title is "kage hinata ni saku" and the author's name
is Gekidan hitori. 」

That is okay, but I would recommend a few changes to it.

"The book title" should be "The book's title" if you are saying it that way. But I would recommend just saying "The title" since we know from your previous sentence that you are talking about a novel.

"And the author's name is" ← This makes perfect sense, but it is more common to write the simple word "by" to say the same thing. Also it's much shorter!

X Gekidan hitori
O Gekidan Hitori
With a person's name, you should capitalize the first letter of every word or initial. This is one of the hardest things for even native speakers of English to learn correctly.

X this is for the first time he wrote a novel.
O this is the first time he has written a novel.
or
O for the first time he has written a novel.
(there are two ways to say this - both are correct)

You really shouldn't put "this is" and "for" together like that. They mean slightly different things but either makes sense. "This is" puts more emphasis on the fact that now is the first. "For" puts more emphasis on being the first time. I think "For" might be more common, but I might be wrong.

The ending part is a little bit hard to explain. "Wrote" means the action was done, but "has written" means the action was done before another action or situation or time in the past. It is called "past perfect" tense and can be a bit tricky to understand. Here's a interesting website I found about it:

http://www.englishcafe.jp/english/day37.html

I think that I'm thinking too much right now, don't you agree?

24 名前: micchann : 2006-12-23 02:05 ID:HHfCGEep

>> 22 Thank you so much. This time, I've learned a lot from your posting.

What a luckey person I am to have got a good English teacher like you !
And what a "kitokuna" person you are to teach me English for nothing !
I've been studying English by myself and never went to a English conversation school.
So I don't know how much cost me to learn it at a place like that. probably too expensive.
Don't send a bill to me after I close this thread,please.

I've read the whole articles on that website.
Try doing a review of the lesson.

I have lived here for thirty years.(jyotai doshi)
She has been playing the piano for thirty years (dosa soshi)

When I arrived at the airport, the plane had already taken off.(past perfect tense)

25 名前: micchann : 2006-12-23 02:10 ID:HHfCGEep

I made a mistake. The posting above is for >>23

26 名前: micchann : 2006-12-23 02:53 ID:HHfCGEep

correction
how much cost me →how much it'll cost me

27 名前: micchann : 2006-12-23 10:19 ID:HHfCGEep

I don't know much about copyright law but it may be illegal
to copy a part of a novel without permission of the author.
Therefore, it would be better to give up translating 22.

28 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-26 05:12 ID:Heaven

thank you >>24 ... you are very kind to say such things. I don't think I'm a very good teacher though.

29 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-27 02:23 ID:eoFgx5eg

>>24
"What a luckey person I am to have got a good English teacher like you !"
luckey -> lucky
you ! -> you! - space after, but not before.

"I've been studying English by myself and never went to a English conversation school."
a English -> an English

"So I don't know how much cost me to learn it at a place like that."
how much cost me -> how much it would cost me. or "it'd" if you want to use a contraction like in your own correction of it. "It'll" would imply that you will be going to one. It would is talking about what it would cost if you were to go to one.

30 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-27 06:20 ID:HHfCGEep

 What is love ?

Have you ever thought about what love is ?
For me, it's one of the fundamental themes I really want to know in my life.
Ask me why ? Because I want to be a kind of person like Mother Teresa, who was the embodiment of kindness.
Thus, I've read some books on the theme of love until now.
When I was in college years, I came across a book titled "The art of Loving" by Erich Fromm.
From the book,I learned a lot about love.
I don't remember the contents in details,but can pick up a few thing.
First, people tend to confuse love with sex when they are young.
second,the more you feel lonely,the more passionately you fall in love.
But the author said they are not reall "true love".

    Thanks for reading.

31 名前: 名無しさん@日本語勉強中 : 2006-12-27 06:23 ID:HHfCGEep

correction
reall→really

32 名前: micchann : 2006-12-27 06:25 ID:HHfCGEep

30 is my posting

33 名前: sakura!Vs4CebC0pw : 2006-12-28 23:51 ID:BVpcAnOl

"but can pick up a few thing"

This should be "but can recall a few things"
To say "pick up" like this usually means you are learning, but not in detail. "Recall" means to bring what you still have in your memory to your thoughts. You could say "recollect" or "think of" instead if you wanted to, since those mostly have the same meaning.

And "a few things" is a bit difficult for me to explain, but I'll try.

Usually in front of the counting words "couple" and "few", and combinations that use them, such as "couple dozen" and "few hundred" you say "a", but the noun that is being counted is still plural.

For example:
a couple thoughts
a few flowers
a couple dozen cherries

However, the word "several", which is similar, does not use "a".

For example:
several kittens
several thousand pages

Also, try to remember to put a space after commas!

I know I have said a lot here, but would like you to know that your writing is very nice and beautiful. So, don't feel discouraged!
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