Sexually molested by older brother. Should I tell to my family? (177)

136 Name: very sad : 2012-02-03 02:15 ID:oj7Gz8Zq

I molested my 5 year old sister when I was 15 (no penetration and she was not sad at that time, she wanted it when I was sober, but I did not) She has now told both my parents(3 months agoe), wich I think is good. It happened 2-3 times when I was taking strong drugs like amfetamin and cocain.. She is now 18 and is not speaking with me and dosent want to meet me. But for 13 years we had a really good relationship. But now its lost. I have been there for all of them and made my best to support them in this disaster. Every time my mother is talking to me she mentions how bad my sister feels. What can I do? I just cant sleep, think and just laying and shaking and sweating and feeling so bad. I would like to die but dont have the courage. I have stopt with drugs for 10 years, but now i smoke weed again just to keep me alive. Not to think of the pain I caused here. Why the hell did I do it?! I have been sexually ofended by a 3 year older boy when I was 7 and I had a really messed up life from start. But Its not an excuse for what I did. I want to suffer and I just want to leave everything in scandinavia. Leave my fiance who I told what I did. She wants a baby, but I cant do it... not that Im afraid that I would molest it but just that I dont deserve it and what others might think of me....

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