>>20
I don't want to move to another city, I don't like my country.
Aside from that another issue with moving is I don't get to see my family very often, and I kinda like my family.
Regarding having something boring to do, so that other things will be more fun; I don't think I could do it, I'm so used to doing things I like, that going out and do something I would find boring now feels impossible. Even if I could motivate to do so, I wouldn't know where to begin. I feel stuck.

>>21
Professional help didn't help. The whole suffering things is annoying, and I too find that suicide isn't all that wrong.

>>22
I actually want sometimes to get a psychosis or see hallucinations or something, just so I can forget everything else. Even after all these years alone, I'm still sane.

>>23
It does sound like something that might work, but at the same time it would feel like I'm wasting time I could spend playing or something. Not getting any younger here. But then again, it's not like I'm going to use my life for anything useful. I don't think I could even go around asking or find out where to volunteer for something. You should also remember, I'd rather not have anything to do with this town.

I've been stuck here for so long, that maybe what I need is a push in the right direction by someone? I don't know if I can manage to get out of this on my own. Trying something new in my current state is a lot harder than it sounds. At the same time I hate my self for rejecting everything you suggest.