>> Has a pocket protector made of gold
>>551 giggles like a school girl at jokes hidden in google, such as http://www.google.com/search?&q=the+loneliest+number
>>553 bought a Malibal Satori for $1300 solely to play Touhou.
>>555 is currently browsing DQN on his work computer.
...and has entered into an infinite recursion of time.
>>557 can't grasp the reason why his colleagues never laugh at his jokes.
When >>560's friends want to push his buttons, they talk about string theory.
When >>561's friends want to pull his strings, they talk about buttons--in which he has nearly an autistic level of interest.
>>565 takes pains to never go anywhere outside of walking distance unless he can make it sound like he beamed in on a Federation transporter while everyone was looking away.
>>566 lives in Stephen Hawking's backyard, teaching himself lockpicking on every door in the house and leaving inspirational gifts and letters for his favourite physicist in the exact centre of every room.
>>567 has a professional digital camera and a collection of expensive lenses (which he carries with him on every Japanese Pop-culture convention).
>>571's normal clothing consists completely of bell-bottomed striped pants, which he wears with the belt just below his armpits, and colorful plaid shirts.
>>572 Has a shape-shifting device that is is clothing. He can reprogram it to be any style he wishes, and can change styles in .01 seconds.
However, >99% of the time, it is a basic lab coat with a pocket protector.
>>573 was voted "most likely to be eaten by a grue" by the members of his Pascal class.
>>574 was voted "most likely to consider Pascal a new-fangled useless gimmick" by the members of his Fortran class.
>>575 advertised a class called "Writing Device Drivers in Brainfuck and INTERCAL" and no one showed up.
>>576 posted to a newsgroup asking whether anybody would like to help him write an OS in Brainfuck and/or INTERCAL, but no one replied.
>>577 created a newsgroup related to writing OSes in Brainfuck and/or INTERCAL
>>581 insists on referring to the Falklands War as the "Argentinian Liberation of British Patagonia Meridional"
>>582 insists on referring to the Falklands War as the "attempted Argentinian Liberation of British Patagonia Meridional". Gotta be precise, yo.
>>583 insists on referring to the Falklands War as the "Liberation of Falkland Islands by Her Majesty's Armed Forces"
>>584 has a mint condition copy of Up The Falklands! Cartoons From The Royal Marines in his collection of cartoon strip books.
>>586 knows how to make incredible hidden camera videos without getting caught.
>>591 Knows what will happen if magical girl anime characters from different series fight each other. He wrote a 100 page book titled "Sailor Moon versus Card Captor Sakura."
>>592 owns the first edition of said book and has never once opened it in order to keep it in mint condition.
>>593 owns three copies. One to read, one to keep in mint condition, and one to give to a friend.
>>594 just put all previous posts to shame with that horrific quote.
>>597 is still wearing a fifteen-year-old t-shift that says "riot nrrrd."
>>599 Has been banned by more Subaru discussion forums by constantly posting "EVO is #1!"
>>600 visits English-language discussion boards to post "HELLO YANKEE! I AM HAPPY JAPANESE! ^________^" and he does it so much that he forgot to seize the 600GET.
When >>601 heard that Osama bin Laden was killed, his first reaction was to post on internet forums about how shameful it was that people in the US were celebrating and dancing in the streets at the grisly death of a human being.
>>602 took photos of himself for the "choking" and "cut-throat" gestures on this page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_gestures
>>603 Invented a device to make his middle finger look like E.T.'s finger, making the gesture that much more effective.
>>605 knows which episodes of Futurama mention a finglonger device.
>>606 correctly referred to "episodes", as the Finglonger appears in more than one episode.
>>609's sex doll has more than one button on it, all custom mods.
>>610 knows everything there is to know about sex dolls, even when they belong to other people. ESPECIALLY when they belong to other people.
>>611 Built a machine that demolishes one old growth forest every time a crappy movie is released that is made boring by environmentalism. He demolished 2 old growth forests because he hated Avatar so much.
>>612 Was angry that his parents sent to him to a Christian private school. In order to get kicked out, he replaced every Bible passage that said "By the power of God" and stuff like that with "By the power of Castle Greyskull."
>>613 Took pictures of himself ejaculating on a He-man action figure.
>>614 provided the context for each de-geso in http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm13270872
It took him all day, but it needed to be done.
>>616 secretly writes compilers for every other language in Brainfuck, treating his strange hobby as the ultimate techno-fetish.
>>618 obsessively three-starred all of Angry Birds just to "prove" that casual games are easy and they suck
>>619 wrote a C program for the perfect Ninja Gaiden speedrun. He only needs to slightly alter five lines of code in order for it to fit any other video game in existence.
>>622 obsessively researches and creates new combinations and permutations of Japanese chat-style emoticons, such as o(∩_∩)o
>>624 can turn any text into a tripcode and vice versa with a single thought, even secure ones.
>>625 is so nerdy he made a (∩ヮ∩) face as he was typing that.
>>626 has a keyboard that is wired to play the MLP theme song on hitting the Enter key.
>>627 has over 100 different types of doors in his house, from all over the world. and changes them every month.
>>628 recorded a video for Life in a Day about the dullness of his life.
...which was then overlooked by editors.
>>631 sells and provides tech support for left-buttock tracking technology. His DRM makes very sure the device will self-destruct exactly 128 hours after being implanted anywhere but a left buttock, inadvertently making it popular with assassins.
>>632 has an ever-growing collection of left-buttocks, sawn off expensive anime figurines.
>>634 flew to Japan in order to attend a Nanoha doujin convention, taking a taxi from the airport to the exhibition centre and back again. He bought three doujins, so the trip was totally worth it.
>>637 initially fucked up the cosplay, but got it right after a 48 hour marathon.
>>638 Was able to do that by using that fat hiding technique in Tenjo Tenje
>>639 is responsible for capturing and submitting most every quote on bash.org.
>>645 wrote a 12000 words essay that is referenced in the "criticism" section of Wikipedia's entry on Spivak pronouns
>>647 has memorized Morohashi's Kanji dictionary. If you give him a Unicode CJK codepoint, he can instantly tell you which page of which volume holds the character's entry, and will recite said entry from memory no matter what you might try to shut him up with.