Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/
Let the fun times continue!
Prologue: The Death of
it was quickly dispelled by the mewings of the two kittens, who were now playing with a bunch of cotton balls they had found nearby.
A single slice of toast was selotaped to the back of one of the cats.
The other promptly ate the toast.
The toast was toasterific. The toast was toasted. The toast had once been bread. The toast had wandered. The toast was toasty.
The toast had crept through halls of unforgiven blacksmiths. They wore blindfolds and hammered sharks with their heads. The toast had held its breath as it lopped daintily between the smiths, taking care not to touch the hammer-headed hammerheads being hammer headed.
The toast had toasted into a monochromatic bird-fish forest. It heard digital cries which foretold of too much toasty tea with too little time. Tea growing cold and mold and untold and rolled and folding on itself, just as this narrative folds, just as the satin bedsheets had folded when Mr. Gray's mysterious lover had sat up in bed years earlier, rubbing her innocent eyes sleepily, unaware of the posterior-related hardships about to befall her.
And now, the toast-bearing cat
unexpectedly came to the conclusion that it was actually not a cat at all; it was the Great Sky Loli, and - predictably enough - its companion was in fact Tharsh. Upon realising their true identities, the two of them exchanged
saliva
samples for the purposes of DNA testing, just to prove that they really were who they thought they were.
The DNA test revealed that Tharsh
was exactly who he was supposed to be - himself. As for the Great Sky Loli,
she was also exactly who she was supposed to be, disappointing those who wished for some sort of a dramatic plot twist or something.
Perceived existential peculiarities aside, the two were ready to begin their holy quest: to
replenish
the tea.
the stock of Mountain Dew before their discount coupons ran out.
Presented with a multiverse,
the reader may now decide which universe they wish for the story to follow. Please enter your choice into the holographic input device below:
>
"Universe where all technology is made by Apple, and Mountain Dew is good for you and is on tap in every home"
Error 404000000: Universe not found. Please hang up and try again.
The great sky loli sighed. "Let's go to Gensokyo, then, maybe."
A young bird named Tokiko woke up one morning
and was promptly crushed to death under the massive - yet feathery soft - posterior of a giant loli teleporting in from an alternate universe.
"Huzzah!" exclaimed the GSL upon arriving. "Now
it all returns to nothing". Casting his arms wide as if to embrace universal nullity, GSL began the great
wondering of why she was male for a moment there. As it turns out, she was splitting in two; one half would remain as the Great Sky Loli while the other would be sent to an alternate universe to be the Great Sky Shota. This alternate universe would then be ignored for the rest of the story, or at least until
Andyland had finally been finished by an awful ravaging war in the dimension where the story (to this point) has taken place.
Fortunately, Andyland was destroyed moments later, thus the alternate universe no longer needed to be ignored.
Chapter 104-B: Return of the Great Sky Shota
Dr. Robotnik
was very angry
when he was having his morning tea
since Scratch and Grounder served him pancakes instead of eggs.
Gradually, over a period of months,
they had also been inserting subliminal snippets of gay imagery into his daily porno.
Dr Robotnik's pet iguana
was goggling silently at him as he
was transcending space and time
in a most illegal manner.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" shouted the spacetime police. "YOU'VE BROKEN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS FOR THE LAST TIME!"
They then apprehended him and locked him up in a Faraday cage, where
He rubbed 2 sticks together
in a most erotic manner.
One of these sticks was
a piece of dynamite, but
my dick explode, what
happen? Someone set up us the bomb.
Cut the monitors!
The nonsensical rambling coming from the wall-mounted speakers stopped abruptly. Everything went dark. The glow of the monitors had been the only source of light in the room, and now a heavy blackness weighed down upon the igunaa like a backpack full of unnecessary granola bars.
Now was his chance. The iguana used his fire-tongue to light the dynamite, and ran to the other corner of the Faraday cage. Boom! said the dynamite as it kindly opened an escape route, which the iguana quickly took, using his Robotnik-enhanced eyes to navigate through the darkness.
As the iguana scrambled into the air duct just as power returned and the alarms began to wail, he sent a telepathic message. "Robotnik, this is your iguana. I have escaped. I promise I will make it home one day."
Meanwhile,
everyone's favourite
Great Sky Shota
was flashing his tiny penis at everyone
while screaming "CRAAAAAAZY!" "nine nine nine nine BAKA!" because this Great Sky Shota wasn't just ANY Shota, he aws
Pico, returned to seek vengeance on toe forsaken land of
Fingers.
"Gentletoes and ladyfingers!" announced General Thumb in a commanding voice, inspiring bravery in the fleshy hearts of the trembling Digit Troopers.
"The day has finally come," he continued. "Pico has come for vengeance, as prophesied 9999 years ago in the Book of Shota. But we are not forsaken! We have had 9999 years to prepare, and prepare we did! Now let's show that Great Sky Shota that he's not so Gre-"
Suddenly, General Thumb's speech was interrupted by
the Great Sky Loli.
"Huzzah!" she exclaimed. "Now
you are in my power! WELCOME TO DIE!"
The GSL and the GSS then proceeded to have a danmaku battle, featuring
plenty of floral motifs, lasers and
androgyny. Unfortunately, Private Pinky found himself caught in the crossfire and
met Rainbow Dash who was
mutating hideously due to exposure of the highly toxic pollutants that contaminate the Toe Forsaken Land of Fingers.
The pollution was caused by
leftover fecal matter from the embarrassing Butthole Fingering Incident which had occurred a few years ago.
Thinking quickly, Private Pinky realized that the hideous mutant ex-pony could turn the tides of this horrible war.
"You there, hideous mutant ex-pony!" he shouted, "We need
a more tasteful subject matter for this novel!" He paused in thought. "Perhaps a story of psychological alienation in postwar France, told from the viewpoint of nihilistic Left Bank intellectual."
And thus everyone stopped fighting and gathered 'round to hear Private Pinky's twisted tale of La Rive Gauche.
"I'm so alienated," he said. "C'est fromage."
With those first few words, the audience was completely captivated. Pinky continued,
"So spoke a young Parisian boy as he pondered with idle fascination, wondering whether the betrayal in Barcelona was particularly troublesome that day.
"
"No, you fool!" shouted the deformed equine, "It was Venice, not Barcelona! Venice! Also, you dropped your 200GET."
Sure enough, Pinky's 200GET had dropped out of his pocket and was languishing in the dirt. The audience who had been so appreciative moments ago laughed, mocked him and threw
up all over each other.
Back in Poland,
Dr. Robotnik's iguana, hereafter known as Robuana, was lost. Lost in the eyes of an unexpected lover, that is. Her name was
Samus Aran
the girl with the gun who screams through time.
Meanwhile, an alienated Samus Aran cosplayer
was giving herself a vodka enema
and recording a video of it. Once the video was completed, it
was shown to the real Samus and Robuana. Robuana smiled and raised an eyebrow, but Samus said, "no, I'm not putting vodka in meazz " and was immediately teleported to the captcha/readability thread instead.
Robuana was saddened by the inexplicable disappearance of his companion, but decided to just forget about it and continue watching the video. Before he had a chance to, however,
a couch
sneaked up and placed itself furtively underneath his posterior. "Comfy," he thought.
And then, just when he least expected it, the couch
converted itself into the dreaded Comfy Chair.
"Heh, it's just a comfy chair; nothing to be afraid of!" thought Robuana. And then it ate him.
A pair of
mittens
was all that was left of him after this gruesome spectacle, leaving us to wonder:
where did Robuana go?
The answer was, of course, that Robuana had fused with the dastardly Comfy Chair. Having absorbed Robuana's power, the Comfy Chair snickered evilly and shot off into the sky. The time had come to seat his master. The prophesied Sitting was drawing near. Soon, a certain evil over-sized buttocks would sink itself into the Comfy Chair's plushy pads and the universe would tremble.
The corpse of
Tharsh
was being desecrated by a
feral platypus which
said "THAT IS IMPUDENCE!!!! U R SAYING IMPUDENCE 2 ME!"
Tharsh's untimely demise had come about as a result of his
impudence
. In the light of the setting sun, the platypus's matted fur was outlined in gold, casting a positively regal quality to the creature. This is exactly as it should be; the platypus was in fact the king of
impudence
. The platypus finished desecrating Tharsh to his satisfaction. Through this unholy act of impudence, the platypus had absorbed Tharsh's power. His platypusian veins coursed with his newfound toasty strength.
"I...I AM...THARSH!" he exclaimed.
Then Tharsh the platypus, king of impudence, set off in search of his next impudent victim:
the Great Sky Shota, who was
suffering from severe gender dysphoria.
As he had been raised in the belief that his twin sister would always be superior to him in every possible way, though, his wish to be the little girl instead was probably inevitable.
To Tharsh's horror, when he finally located the GSS,
he looked just like Kagamine Len wearing a Frank-N-Furter costume. "Don't judge me," sobbed the teary-eyed barely-teenager and
closet mycologist. Tharsh the platypus, king of impudence, just shook his head in disappointment. There was no impudence in this one. But just as Tharsh was turning to leave, the Great Sky Loli reared her tsundere head!
"Don't forget about me," she said. "I'm going to destroy this Toe Forsaken Land of Fingers and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Tharsh quivered in joy. Here was the impudence he had been searching for.