>>450
With only a little cajoling, you gather Jimmy into your arms and follow the line of grunts into the darkness. You walk in as stately a manner as you can muster for several minutes, accompanied only by the steady crunch of feet on volcanic glass. The tunnel winds gently downwards and to the right. The air slowly grows warmer, and you catch wafts of a rather unpleasant smell.
>>451
It's rather hard to properly intimidate people when you're just a little girl. Yes, that's it, you think to yourself, you just need to be 200% bigger! Any larger than that and you might bump your head in these underground passages. You look around for a cake marked "EAT ME" - which is the obvious way for any girl in your position to become bigger - without success.
>>452
All this solemn marching is rather offputting, you find. A nice display of acrobatics ought to lighten your mood, and, best of all, in the darkness, the rest of them will never even know! You extend all your limbs and begin to revolve along your merry way. Whoops! You forgot you were carrying Jimmy for a moment there. She is launched from your grip, screeching in alarm before colliding with something with a thump - probably the grunt ahead of you. You immediately hear her claws skittering against the floor, so she doesn't seem to have suffered any serious injury.
>>453
You stop mid-cartwheel, consumed by the immediate and overwhelming desire to commit complete femicide. And where better to start than the nearest woman; namely, yourself? You stick out your tongue and bite down as hard as you can, severing most of it. Ignoring the pain and taste of blood, you tip your head back and take a deep breath, lodging your severed tongue squarely in the top of your trachea. You silently collapse to the ground, unable even to gasp, before death finally claims you.
GAME OVER
Deaths: 16
(Continuing from most recent saved game: >>458)
>>454
Useful allies as they would no doubt be, you have no clue how you'd go about summoning them. Besides, you suspect they'd respond better to one of their terrestrial kin, whereas you are precisely what they have come to destroy.
>>455,456
Ah, the transcendental beauty of the extraterrestrial; the multitudinous clusters of stars, the music of the spheres, the infinite, all consuming empty void lying between every tiny fleck of matter... yes, you decide, the subterranean life is not for you after all. You simply must go see space for yourself, without even the merest layer of glass between you and it.
But first you must become a grave robber. Only then can you join the other grave robbers from outer space as one of them. Also, you'd probably have to find some way of escaping the Earth's gravity well, but that's a secondary concern.
>>457
You lack both the golf ball and airhose components of that particular parlour trick. Unless you were to improvise using your own windpipe and a suitable severed body part, but that seems rather macabre and horrible, really.
There is light at the end of the tunnel! An ominous reddish light, along with the sound of bubbling and the smell of sulphur. You round the last corner, finding yourself in an inflationary cave. It is shaped like a bubble, tilted to one side, with the lower portion flooded with magma. There is a raised section of floor in the centre of the cave, where the lead grunt is standing. Above him is a small metal lift, little larger than a dumbwaiter, currently ascending into a square hole in the ceiling. The odd square foliage thing he was carrying is on top, along with something else you cannot identify due to it being lit only from below.
One of the generic grunts comes forward and lies down on the raised section of cavern floor. You cautiously approach, unsure quite what's going on. The lead grunt addresses you: "The honour of conducting tonight's Christmas has been bestowed upon you. Please, do not hesitate." Christmas? What is he talking about? You look around at the nearby grunts, then down at the man at your feet. What are you supposed to do?