When I was a teenager, I molested someone... - Personal Issues & Romance @ 4-ch

1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-04-15 00:09 ID:MakfLLq1 [Del]

When I was 14, I molested my sister. She was was almost four the first time and the second time was just after she turned four. The first time, I actually pulled her pants down and touched her bottom, but the second time was just me taking my time helping her in the restroom. Neither time did I ask her to touch me or even show her my penis.

I was recently recovering from a long amount of physical and emotional abuse from my father, and had previously been molested twice in my youth. I was also suffering from some fairly serious mental problems. I say this not to excuse my actions, but to provide more of an explanation of what was going on then.

As time went on and I have returned to a more normal mental state, I look back upon what I have done in horror and guilt. I don't really know what effects this may have had on my sister (she is still fairly young) but I don't really look back on my molestations negatively. I still feel guilty, though.

However, a larger emotion that I am now feeling is fear. What if she remembers? What if she does not? I certainly remember being that age, but I developed rather quickly. Her linguistic skills have always been behind. What if she remembers and eventually tells someone and my life is ruined? What if.... etc?

I one day want to have a family. I want to have a career. I'm not doing this again. Not only am I not attracted to children, but I couldn't stand to inflict this sort of thing upon anyone else, ever again. What I did was wrong. I regret it deeply. But I was an extremely fucked up 14 year old.

Should I admit what I did to my mother, risking fucking things up forever? Should I wait until she's older and then talk to her about it? Should I wait for her to approach me? Because of my father, I do not plan on having my own children, and instead want to adopt. However, what if I don't talk to her about it and when I have to go through the hoops for adoption, she tells someone about it? What if I do talk to her about it and she doesn't remember and I fucked things up for myself royally? What if she remembers and I explain and she doesn't understand? What if?

Please help me, 4-ch. Things are going to be okay for a few years now, I'm sure, but sooner or later, she's going to be old enough to really understand what happened, if she remembers. Most of the time, I'm completely fine, but sometimes when I think about this, I become a nervous wreck. I don't even see myself as the same person anymore. I feel like I just have to live with the consequences of what someone else dressed as me did.

5 Name: you must die : 2012-05-07 01:52 ID:BfeoZ+rO [Del]

you are sick man get a life and dig your grave down to ell like you should and die miserably!

6 Name: you must die : 2012-05-07 01:54 ID:BfeoZ+rO [Del]

you are sick man get a life and dig your grave down to ell like you should and die miserably!

7 Name: you must die : 2012-05-07 01:56 ID:BfeoZ+rO [Del]

i said it twice so you could feel bad.

8 Name: you must die : 2012-05-07 01:56 ID:BfeoZ+rO [Del]

im sorry that wus meen

9 Name: Cant say : 2012-05-26 03:25 ID:RnFZmwW3 [Del]

Im scared to death. I was molested when i was 13, and when i was 14 i molestedmy neice and nephew... Im 17 niw, and when i look back im horrified i wouldnt ever hurt them now, id die for them. I never meant any harm, i was just curious... i feel like killing myself now!! Ive heard that its common for children who have been molested to 'experiment' with other children...im going to kill myself. I love these kids, and i feel like a monster. Should i tell someone?!

10 Name: anon : 2012-06-05 14:58 ID:xGsu/10P [Del]

I am a licensed mental health counselor. I suggest that you make an appointment to get into therapy as soon as you can. You owe it to yourself to talk with a professional about this and to sort it out. I assume that you are carrying some uncertainty, guilt, shame and other feelings about what happened with your sister. If you don't deal with feelings with a trained professional you risk being vulnerable emotionally in a number of ways. I wish you luck and I hope you take my advice.

11 Name: anon : 2012-06-05 15:12 ID:xGsu/10P [Del]

Dear Can't say,
I am a licensed mental health counselor. I suggest that you make an appointment to get into therapy as soon as you can. You owe it to yourself to talk with a professional about this and to sort it out. I assume that you are carrying some uncertainty, guilt, shame and other feelings about what happened with other kids and about what happened to you. If you don't deal with feelings with a trained professional you risk being vulnerable emotionally in a number of ways and this is no way to live. This experience does not define you but you need a safe place to sort it out and not on a public chat. It's always best to face difficult things in one's life than to keep it a secret and run away from it because we can never run away from something like this. Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem and would be a very poor attempt at solving this one. You can solve this by getting into therapy, talking it out, dealing with your feelings differently and taking responsibility for your actions. You can do it! I wish you luck and I hope you take my advice and get the professional support that you need to face this issue and heal.

12 Name: jjhg987 : 2012-12-07 17:42 ID:KLEA1NIs [Del]

Hi I'm 20 male about to be 21 and i know exactly how you feel. when i was 11 or 12 i molested my best friends little sister. Its been fucking me fucking my whole life I regret it everyday. And just like you I'm scared shes going to getting to around that age where she right remember and shes going to tell someone. i really would like to do the right thing and talks things out or what ever, because i truly do regret it but also if she doesn't remember and i say something then everyone will trip. I don't know what to do and everyday i live in fear shes going to tell her brother, my childhood best friend, who used to live with me, and hes going to kick my ass.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2012-12-13 11:43 ID:w7wN/dO4 [Del]

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14 Name: Turrentcase : 2013-02-20 23:16 ID:aOnuaCUZ [Del]

I to did the same thing and i feel alot of guilt, but i got my forgiveness from my sister, God, and Jesus. I was confused at the time, it's alright! We need to move along, more people than you know do this. Now that 2 years have passed since i did this (age of 15...17 now) i'm very protective of my sister around my father.

15 Name: Turrentcase : 2013-02-20 23:17 ID:aOnuaCUZ [Del]

I to did the same thing and i feel alot of guilt, but i got my forgiveness from my sister, God, and Jesus. I was confused at the time, it's alright! We need to move along, more people than you know do this. Now that 2 years have passed since i did this (age of 15...17 now) i'm very protective of my sister around my father.

16 Name: anonymous : 2014-11-04 14:02 ID:yYnhebPz [Del]

Im 15 and when i was twelve i touched my lil cousin boy and girl and when i see them i wanna kill them it hurts me everyday to know what i did i wish i could take it back i want help but i don't want jail time i didn't mean it i don't know why i did that please i beg for forgiveness im dying every day regreting w
The horrible thing i done im a mpnstrr i should be dead i need to die

18 Name: amber : 2015-01-23 20:21 ID:o+Ps74j9 [Del]

ur sick u need god in your life what u need to do is go to jail instead of posting online and saying all that stupied shit how much u regret and etc u need to go to jail

19 Name: ****** : 2017-01-22 02:30 ID:AFa//cKw [Del]

Amber, you're a dick.

21 Name: Amber is a bitch : 2017-09-20 20:54 ID:ZHwqfpug [Del]

I got molested by my cousin when I was younger (3-4 years old that I remember he could've been doing it before I could remember. He was older like maybe 10-12).

He tried to force me to do things to him orally and he tried to penetrate me but couldn't, I never told. I began to act out, I started doing it to people. Family friends is who it happened with younger girls and my young cousin (male) (I was a teen) and I felt bad after touching them, each one was one time, they don't remember and we are still close and wouldn't do that to them ever again. I'm 28 now and during my late teens and early adulthood I realized what I did and that it was bad. I haven't touched a child since I was a teen but still feel bad and it eats me up inside.

I was also assaulted as a teen (13-14) by a 30 something year old guy, who tried to rape me but couldn't penetrate, after he performed cunnilingus, he tried to vaginally and anally rape me. He also tried to kill me by breaking my neck, my neck popped loudly and the only way I got him to let off was that I said I had to pee. I've only ever told my girlfriend about this... It still haunts me. Fuck you Steven Terrell Smith.

I played with my young cousin's penis and put my breast in his mouth both very briefly (I can't remember ages but I know I was older).

I touched a family friend's vagina briefly, she was 5-6 and I was like 12 I believe.

I touched another family friend's vagina very briefly. I was 16 and she was very young. I couldn't remember the age.

I did something to another family friend by licking her anus briefly.

I felt bad after every instance and I have never told anyone. I asked God for forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself and still feel guilty but it's in the past.

I know there wasn't and isn't any attraction to children, I know I did it because it was done to me. I thought it normal for a moment each time and then I stopped and either cut myself or punished myself in some form.

I never got turned on or wet at the thought of touching a child, in my mind it was normal and had to be done. I was also going through some mental health issues from 8-into my adulthood (unsure if it had anything to with molesting or being molested).

I am be very sorry for what I did and I'm sorry to who I did it to. I justbhope that they didn't do it to someone else because it's fucked up. I didn't know any better and I hope they didn't do it to someone else, that would kill me. Feels good to get it off of my chest and my mind. Fuck what dried up cunt bitches like Amber and that other prick say and how they feel about it.

I know that I've grown up and grown as a person. I know it will never happen again, but the guilt from when it happened and what I did still gets me, not as much as t used to because again it's in the past.

We are all adults now (except my younger cousin). We are all cool, but it still eats me because I don't/didnt want them anything to hurt someone

I still suffer as an adult sexually, I have gotten oral sex from 8 guys that I don't know and had sex with countless women. I still suffer from mental health issues (anxiety, depression, psyclothymia), but like I said I am not and was not ever attracted to children. I doubt any of you guys who admitted it are/were attached to kids because if you were you would still be doing it. You're not a monster, you just fucked up.

-Kasey

22 Name: NohNameFohYuh : 2017-09-20 20:57 ID:ZHwqfpug [Del]