Basically I'm tired of being a loner, I basically have no friends irl, and I'm afraid I'm going to die alone. I've tried hanging out with weirdos but I end up just sitting alone talking to no one and I feel like those groups always disband. I've also tried niche ass dating apps, but never had any lasting relationship. What do I do?
I know your pain. For me, it is hard to even relate to other people. I simply do not understand what's in their hearts. I do not understand why they do the things that they do or how they find happiness in the things that make them happy, and I have the feeling that I will never be able to understand. We do not even understand ourselves fully, don't we? So how could we possibly hope to understand our peers, then?
But at least I can find some solace in anonymous message boards, where I can express myself without the fear of ridicule that is omnipresent in the real world. It is sad to know that the only authentic connections I can have are with faceless nobodies from the internet, but what can I do?
Regarding your last question ("What do I do?"), you cannot do anything. You cannot change people to suit your needs, you either accept them as they are or you don't. The problem is not with you, but with the vanity and shallowness of other people. They refuse to be genuine with you, and if you try to be genuine with them they will either mock you or use you for their own benefit. Try to become happier alone, you should ditch social interactions in favor of self-cultivation. Save yourself, and you might be able to save a lucky few who see through the vanity of this world.
If it helps OP, get a pet or a plant. I grow roses and talk to them when I feel alone. I treat them as my friends. I can't say I have an answer to your problem since I suffer from it too. I just disagree with >>2 because if you take that attitude you will only end up pushing people away when they are trying to befriend you or become arrogant and bitter. Try to find joy in the small things in life and the stuff you actually have power over.
OP, the main thing to focus on is not giving up. If you give up, you will definitely ‘lose’. I'm kinda a loner myself, but I've been able to find friends (online/offline), so I'll give a few tips.
The most important is to find friends who have the same hobbies as you. If you hang out around something you like (for example, tennis (bear with me!)), then people will naturally start gravitating towards you. This may be tricky if you don't have RL hobbies, but there's nothing preventing online relationships from spilling offline. If you have the option, you could try to go to a university/college or finding a job.
Obviously, there's the issue of you sitting alone talking to no-one...and the only advice I can give there is that you have to force yourself to engage. If you have trouble talking to others, practice at home first...start talking to yourself, or talking to a pet, a plant (as >>3 suggests), some stuffed animal (if you have a teddy bear) or literally whatever. If you're scared of having trouble with dialogue, then try talking to some AI like ChatGPT (but don't let yourself get addicted to it! only use it for small bits of practice!). Since I get the impression you want to talk aloud, read your own messages aloud after you send them to the AI. Also, don't be an ass and try to understand the POV of others (I'm assuming you're smart enough for that, but it's good to keep in mind anyway).
I personally wouldn't go into dating apps, but I haven't tried them myself and you could get lucky.
Also, ignore >>2, his attitude will only lead you to ruin.
Good luck OP. Just be kind to yourself and be patient...do your best and your best should be enough.
>>2 here: OP, I believe even if you manage to gain a friend group, you will still remain unhappy once you realize how superficial and brutish the common man is. I tried to socialize in highschool and became disillusioned with social life in general, so I speak from experience here. Most people socialize in order to satisfy their basest of desires, to them socializing is not any different from eating or reproducing, once you realize that you can ditch forming close bonds with others in favor of attaining spiritual enlightenment. Every major religious prophet (Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad etc.) or sage has gotten their wisdom from years of solitude, not meaningless chit-chat. If you wish to speak to others only for pointless small talk, that is incredibly easy: go to some social event in your town and try to speak to anybody there. If you, however, wish to form a bond with someone that goes beyond the flesh, that is nigh impossible.
I am not some pessimist or nihilist: I am an idealist, I believe in ideals, and most of mankind does not conform to my idealized version of man (and neither do they want to), and that saddens me. They live just to survive, like the animals of our world, and will do anything that will get them an advantage in life over their brothers (including immoral acts). If these are the people you wish to associate with: go and mingle with them. If they are not: save yourself and leave them be.
Why are so many people lonely now? Theoretically, it’s easier to contact pretty much anyone but despite being connected we all seem so far apart.
>>7 *Discourage socializing due to anonymity.
OP, Could it be that you're just trying too hard? Having friends isn't even about doing specific things together, or having engaging conversations. The bare minimum is to simply enjoy each-others' company. There is no silver bullet that will solve your problems--thinking in this way is the path to misery.
That being said, OP, it is hard to give advice when you're being so vague. What are some specific trouble points? What sorts of things do you do/enjoy? Do you have any sort of mandated social exposure? (e.g., school, job, shit where you're obligated to see other people)
>>2 Is tragically misanthropic. I hope you find peace with whatever demons you're fighting. The world is largely a very kind place; the trouble is that we tend to take it for granted and therefore cannot appreciate it.
>>6 Believe it or not, people are not forced to interact online. Pretty much everything is elective; you can choose where you talk, what communities you are exposed to, the people you respond to--pretty much everything. Offline, when you're out there, you're placed in many more situations where you are encouraged to interact with people. Ultimately it's about numbers. What impetus is there to do the legwork to actually "contact pretty much anyone" online? Loneliness is an issue that should be addressed with introspection first and action later.
I feel like I can communicate better online or via text but those kinds of social relationships never seem to go anywhere, even if I met the person irl. And nowadays, people are a lot less forgiving if you are socially awkward or stutter in public and are more likely to judge you.