I HATE BEING SINGLE!!!
"I guess my biggest problem is that I just don't know what to say to her"
Why?, she and you aren't friends now? .. DETAILS
I does sound like a "let it go case." I've tried to let it go.. but then I'll see her, or have a dream about her, then I'm back to feeling like I haven't moved on at all. I actually dreamt about her last night... Hence, I'm here.
Something about her just seems so different. I find myself to be a pretty carefree guy, but when it comes to her, I can't care enough. Does that makes sense? I mentioned before that the first time we went out together was to go to the movies. I don't think I could've done anything else to prepare for that day. I washed my car, made a music cd of songs we both like, cleaned my house, tried to get a tan, bought her a bamboo plant(since she seemed to be having bad luck lately), and also burned her some CDs of an anime she likes. I even made custom labels for the CDs on high quality photo paper. I really wanted it to be perfect, but maybe it was too much.... orz
Anyway, I think that if I don't do anything, I'll end up regretting it later. I'm gonna do all that I can.
I agree with you, >>49, that the casual approach is probably best. Maybe I should try to start the conversation casually, then lead it to my more serious questions.... what do you think?
I don't know what we are now. As I see it, there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to be friends. Things just started getting more akward as it took longer and longer to get a reply from her. I haven't even spoken to her since she's been back from Japan. I've seen her on campus.. our eyes will even meet.. but we quickly look the other way. I feel like i'm getting stabbed in the chest when that happends. It's a miserable feeling.
Thank you for your help everyone. Hearing your opinions really helps put things in perspective. I'll try to talk to her today. She should be on later. I'll let you all know what happends. I'll be checking the board throughout the day, so if there are any more suggestions, I'll be happy to hear them.
Hope things go well for you, whatever that needs to be.
Well It's 8:25 PM... still no sign of her.... orz
Girls are unpredictable... (I know, i'm a girl)
I'm starting to realize that...
It's now 2:20 AM and no luck as usual. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happends tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to report later.
ehhh go to sleep, kid x-D.. calm down and listen, you have time to talk to her tomorrow, or later.. Are you there? ... yuuuhuuu
I took your advise 56. I should've set my alarm though. I just woke up and it's almost 1! (=_=)
Stay off the internet in your dealings with her, 42. Your friendship has cooled off to the point where it'll probably be as awkward as just before she went back to japan. You're going to have to start from square 1. The next time you see her in person and your eyes meet, force yourself to smile and not look away. Say hello. If she responds positively, make some chit chat, keep it strictly casual and keep it short. If not, let it go.
>>51
Maybe doing all those things was a bit much. As a guy, and hypothetically if I were a girl, I think that doing that much is too much and might scare her or something along those lines. Maybe she noticed you went through a bunch of trouble/work to do this for her and she is intimidated or something. Don't let me discourage you though - I'm still single ^^; If you don't act you'll maybe live in regret forever. Good luck!
I see your point... but I really don't think I can do it. orz
It also kinda seems like that approach might be uncomfortable for her too. Part of me thinks that maybe she feels guilty for not responding, and because it's been so long now, it's hard to reapproach me.
I guess it can seem kinda intimidating.. I just wanted to make her happy. A long time ago she would always call me "muri shiteru," which was basically saying that I was trying to hard.
One time she asked me for help on making a poster for a presentation in her public speaking class (I'm a CG artist). Her topic was Sushi, but I couldn't find any high res images, so I got a few of my hungry friends and we headed out to a Japanese restaurant. We ordered one of each kind of sushi needed for the poster and I had a little photo shoot right there at the counter. I made the poster, printed it on my boss' large format printer, then laminated it.
I met with her later to give it to her. It seemed like she really liked it! After that, she handed me a bag of food and said that she stopped at a japanese restaurant to get me dinner! I was so happy/nervous I kinda just said thank you and took off. When I got home I looked in the bag and noticed that there were 2 pairs of chopsticks!! Maybe it was meant for both of us to eat together! I felt so stupid... I didn't even think to ask if she wanted to eat together. To make it worse, the whole container was filled with sushi (the last thing I wanted to see after eating all that sushi earlier).
Anyway... still no sign of her. Sushi sounds kinda good about now... orz
hay guys, let's move this tread over to http://4-ch-net/love
>Anyway... still no sign of her.
Maybe she's put you on some sort of block list? Waiting for her for hours online really is trying too hard, dude.
>When I got home I looked in the bag and noticed that there were 2 pairs of chopsticks!!
Mental note: always open gifts when you get them. Take heart, maybe you'll prevent someone else on this board from making the same mistake!
I'm pretty sure that's not the case. I saw her online a few days prior to my post. And I'm staying busy... I'm not just staring at my monitor mindlessly waiting. (-_-;)
And yes... learn from my mistakes! Even if it wasn't meant for the both of us to share, it would've been a nice suggestion, ne?
hum... Write an e-mail? .. Romantic E-Mail!
Notice to single males!
Don't be creepy! My roommate and I were walking to the door of our apartment one day. Suddenly, looking through the window at my roommate was this guy we know. "Oh god," she said, and after meeting his gaze we then ignored him. Then, as she was unlocking the door, I looked over her shoulder...
and he was still staring
He was looking from HIS window, not ours, btw
An email, eh? That sounds good.. buuut I think I have a better chance of getting a response talking through MSN (or at least I wont have to wait as long). Although an email would seem more considerate. What does everyone else think about that?
I don't think I'm that bad. Would it've been a different story if it was someone you liked?
Only you need its an excuse to talk to her, well, write an e-mail and tell her : Mommy, you are the best. Give me you soul and give me alone for my sweet home, baby.. Yeeeeeeeeah..
Then, she hates you and maybe look at you for kill you. This is the perfect moment!! and You can talk about us (while she strikes you).
Ohhhh, how sweet love ( ^A^)
>>67 Are you saying you do this? wow!
Actually, I never noticed his stalker-behavior until the roommate mentioned it one day. (Although he is a bit of a hikki.)
She complains all the time about him in private, but then when he tries to hang around her she doesn't dissuade him. I asked her why, and she said that because he is infatuated with her, it is easy to "use" him in situations where she needs a ride, or needs someone to dump all her stress on, without a real emotional tie ever forming.
I was shocked o_o
Watch out, single males! Girls are as evil as you are!
>>69
That doesn't surprise me at all.
the 'girls = evil' formula is well known.
" I have a better chance of getting a response talking through MSN "
Are you "MSN Otoko"? ... Well, now you are MSN Otoko.
MSN Otoko, your story wrenched at my heart. You are a very lucky man. Now, for my advice.
You are already doing this, but all I can say is that you have to casually speak to her online. After talking to her once or twice, if things seem to be going well, ask her to go to a japanese restraunt or something she enjoys - but don't over do it like you did before.
Don't ask her the first time you talk. Be sure to weave your way back to being friends, and not to rush things. And be sure to keep us updated, Densha wannabe!
<3 MSN OTOKO!
MSN Otoko? ... I don't know what to say... but I'm honored
m(_ _)m
>>75
Thank you... I really haven't felt this motivated in a long time. Now I just need a chance to talk to her! Hopefully she'll be online sometime over the weekend. And I'll keep it casual. Thank you!!
I'll keep you all posted on any developments!
>>75 you right.
MSN otoko, can you ask her to go a restaurant or something, but MSN Otoko, if you ask her for your phone number, and call her... It's better than messenger chat. It's more intimate and listen her voice.. more romantic, more close.
<3 <3 <3 <3 ((( ( *^A^) ))) <3 <3 <3 <3
This is getting blown out of proportion, I think.
>>77
But again, don't ask for her number the first time you talk.
>>79
we're just having fun, but in all honesty, it's really exciting, and I am interested in what happens.
This rant thread is getting pretty interesting...
GO MSN OTOKO! ~ ~ this is like Densha Otoko! I like it!!!!
We need to go out and get into wacky situations in order to produce more fodder for this thread.
What is with all the advice about romantic things? They are past that point. Now, instead of trying to make idle chit chat and calling her, he needs to go straight to the issue and ask her what happened; Why she stopped being friends with him.
On another note, you need to stop obsessing over Japan. It's just another country, and it has its fair share of serious problems. If you ever hope to be more social you'll need to find some new hobbies to add to your life.
Oh also: Benooooooist!
Like >>58 said, next time you see her you must try to communicate with her. At least try to smile and wave. I know you said you can't but if she doesn't respond to email or get online, how else can you talk to her? Also, looking away or pretending not to see her is a sign that she might misread. She might think that you no longer consider her a friend.
>>85 >They are past that point.
I thought he was still waiting to make contact. As far as I can tell, their friendship is in a hazy limbo right now and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time(especially in his current semi-obsessive state) could friendzone him for good or worse.
>>88, I'm saying they are way past dating. maybe after he gets some answers and they talk about what happened they can repair things, but he shouldn't be thinking about how to smooth his way back in. Why is everyone only thinking this way?
oops, that was me.
>>85, Japan is superior, don't you know?
and anyway, MSN Otoko seems sort of shy. To the person that said call her, didn't he already say they had a hard time talking on the phone because of the fact that she couldn't understand him well? She is from Japan, and from my personal experince, phone conversations with native japanese are not too easy.
And anyways, >>85, that's probably being to blunt. like i just said, she's japanese. I know its a generalization but i've been studying japan and it's culture for six years, and i've stayed there for months at a time, and know many japanese people - bluntness is not the way to go.
It's like going up to someone you KNOW is a hardcore gangsta in a van with a bunch of flowers on it while cranking Puffy AmiYumi, pulling up and being like "What is up sir nigger, do you have any crack?" It's just something you don't do.
So, in conclusion, MSN Otoko just has to wait. Please keep us updated.
>>89 Passed dating? They haven't talked in months.
>>89 They had exactly one date, after which they had next to no interaction. Wait a minute... MSN, you didn't get drunk and do something you don't remember did you? >(
>>93
If you can even call it a date, all they did was see a movie. I'd consider it a date but from the way it sounds they didn't.
>>95
The ship of coupling? They haven't talked for months and they're in an awkward position. For all MSN knows, she completly forgot he existed. There's no way he can just go up to her and be like "hey, baby, let's go out 8-)". He's gotta slowly get himself back into her life and then ask. Like you said, no answer without asking, however he can't ask immediatly or it surely won't work. He DOES have to woo her back.
That's what I think, anyway.
>>95
I don't think anyone expects them to immediately jump in the sack. Most of the advice has centered around just getting to the point where he can talk to her to find out how she feels.
Even if there is no hope of MSN and this girl, which is not what I'm saying, he should talk to her so he can get some closure and be able to move on. I'm not suggesting this exactly, but if next time he meets her he could get straight to the point and tell her how he feels. He can be quickly rejected, feel like crap for a while, then move on and be able to think about other girls. That's my get this over quick scenario. Truthfully I hope for something better.
I'm back.. it was a long day. But wow, I can't believe how many new posts there are. Seeing them all made my day. Thank you, everyone!
Well... First I'll update you all on last night. Right after I made my last post (my first post as MSN Otoko), I decided to go to bed. About 5 minutes later, I heard the sound effect that MSN plays when someone comes online. It didn't really phase me at first, but then I realized that it could be her! So I jumped out of bed and checked... and there she was! But in that instant it felt like all my courage just disappeared. I couldn't do anything.... I was so nervous I was shaking...
orz
Anyway, after a few minutes she was gone. I don't get it.. I was so motivated, but as soon as I got a chance, I couldn't do anything. Blah. I hate this feeling.
... with that said.. I'll reply to some of the posts.
Actually, >>85, I was planning on taking your approach. But then I realized that they only thing I could get from that approach is an answer. I'd find out why she's been acting the way she has. But that's not what I really want.. what I want is to be with her. So I think casual and slow will be best. I may not get an answer right away, but I think my chances will be better in getting what I really want.
hey, MSN, i was about to go to bed but refereshed the thread real fast.
I'm honestly kind of disappointed in you for not speaking to her. However, I completly understand your feeling. Perhaps a few of us (or just me, I have the time this time of year) should stay up with you one or two nights untill she comes online, and give you advice real-time. That might be taking this a little too far, but I think it'd be fun, and more important, a great help to you. And so if you're waiting one night, post here, and I'll be sure to stay updated.
Also, while I do see the point of >>85's approach, I am glad you've made the decision to take it slowly. I feel this will make you guys more comfortable before diving right into the subject.
If she does come online again, just say "hey" before you have a chance to stop yourself - think about it, in your current position, what have you got to lose? No matter how much you freak out in real life, you can still keep your cool in an MSN window.
p.s. congrats on 100get
" No matter how much you freak out in real life, you can still keep your cool in an MSN window " >>101
Right, MSN Otoko, is more confortable to you do this kind of thinks. When she come back OnLine you can write her : 'Hi..' or 'Hi -here her name-' that's all, she look the message and you wait..
>>91
good points..
>>93-94
Well it was a little more than a movie. Hmm.. I never really elaborated on what happend that day.. I'll post more details on that tomorrow. Gomen, I'm kinda tired tonight.
>>101
It really means a lot that you'd be willing to help me like that (in real-time). Thank you!! m(_ _)m
I'm kinda suspecting she'll be on tomorrow.. so I'm gonna try then.
I'm exhausted (=_= ) So I'm going to call it a night.
Thank you again, everyone.
gambate ne :)
Such a sad thread D:
I'm certainly not the greatest looking or most popular male in the world, but I’ve managed to have a girlfriend for most of my adult life. I break up with one, and a few months later get another. I can't imagine being single for an extended period of time :\
I think the general problem here is that you all just don't make an effort. They're not going to just fall into your lap, girls are like anything else in life, you must work to get one :D.
Also, it helps if you stay within your league. I understand that I’m not going to be able to date the captain of the cheerleading squad, so I don't bother :\. If you try to get with a girl who is stuck up and popular, you'll get nowhere. Go for the fujoshis >_>;;
>>104 Theres more? I thought it was a situation where you took going to see a movie as something special and scared her away.
From what you should have learned, if you watched Densha Otoko, was making an effort is important and never give up hope. Recall what you and your gf met on the first day, how hard you were trying on those days
>>100 "I think casual and slow will be best. I may not get an answer right away, but I think my chances will be better in getting what I really want."
She's already made up her mind about her feelings about you. Based on what you've told us I don't think she's going to feel comfortable enough around you to just chit chat. Once you find out the problem, then you can focus on fixing it, not the other way around.
>>110
Gordy, I can't change your opinion on this but I can talk to MSN about it.
What Gordy just said does make a lot of sense, but that's really being too blunt and, well, not very curtious. I know we've already discussed this, but the way I see it, it would be very rude for you to just go up to her and be like "Hey. Why'd we stop talking?" That might just be me, but it seems rude, and like it won't get anywhere.
Then again, thinking about it more, it might get more than idle chat. I suggest something like "Hey, remember me? how've you been doing lately?" or something. And then just work off whatever she says, and then when the time is right, bring it up.
This is getting repetitive, so Gordy, you and I will just have to wait and see what he does. I think he understands his options now, and it'd be best for him to figure out which will work better. Whatever method he takes, let's hope for the best.
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna stick to what I said in >>100, Gordy. I think asking her like that might make her feel kinda threatened and guilty. Even if she doesn't want to be with me, I wouldn't want her to feel that. However, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
Well, I'm gonna hang out with some friends tonight. I'm hoping to see her on later... so tonight could be the night it happends! (O_O) I'll post when I get home.
This will end in tears. Just fyi
>>107
Maybe you're just a friendly person. I can't imagine dating for an extended period of time. :\
DETAILS!
Sorry for the wait everyone.. ok.. here's what happend that day
Well the whole idea began one day while were talking online. She was telling me about her brake up with her boyfriend. We talked for probably a good hour. Right before she was about to leave, she asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her! At first it was almost kind of hard to believe. I really wasn't expecting anything like that! So of course I said yes, and we planned a day.
As I mentioned before (>>51), I did EVERYTHING I could think of to prepare. I was a mess. I was eating anti acid tablets like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't even sleep (something that's usually never a problem for me). Anyway, I got to her apartment about 10 minutes early. As I waited in the parking lot, every little possible thing that could go wrong was flashing in my head. Did I have the right place? Does she even really want to go? Then I noticed her from the corner of my eye. For a while I was to scared to even raise my head... she looked so beautiful. Finally I looked up, greeted her, and gave her the plant. She seemed pretty surprised/happy about it! She was also kinda excited to see my car (It was pretty new then).
As we drove to the theater, she noticed my car had a stick shift. She was curious about it, so I tried my best to explain to her how it all worked. Eventually, I was having her change the gears for me. Sometimes she would be confused and not know what to do, so I put my hand on hers and helped her guide it. As good as it seemed.. it was nothing more than that. orz
Hmm.. there's not much to say about what happend at the theater. One thing that was kinda nice though was that when we sat down, she didn't put the arm rest down that would've separated us. Besides that, we didn't really say anything during the movie. I was pretty nervous even while just sitting there. I found that I really had to focus just to be able to follow what was happening in the movie. Thinking back, the movie was kind of a blur.
Afterwards, we tried to think of somewhere to eat. I had a few places in mind, but she said they were kind of expensive for her. I told her not to worry about it, but she seemed sort of uncomfortable about me paying, so we agreed that we'd just cook something! We headed back to her apartment to get some ingredients, then went to my house.
She decided to make oyakodon and started cooking right away. I did what I could to help, then just watched her. It made me so happy just to think she there was with me, in my kitchen, cooking something for me. It felt like a dream. I wished that everyday would be like that.
When we sat down to eat, I lit a candle that was at the center of the table. I felt a little akward doing it, so I tried to play it off as nonchalant as possible. Anyway, the oyakodon was really good! Although, I was so nervous that it was kind of hard to eat. Afterwards, she showed me some pictures she had in her purse of her and her friends from Japan. One was a purikura, and I noticed she had some extras, so I asked if I could have one... I've kept it in my wallet ever since. After we had looked through the pictures, she pulled out a card from the pile. As I took a look at the card, I noticed that it was my business card that I gave her on the day we met!! I couldn't believe she still had it! (T_T)
After that we watched some videos she brought of a japanese group called L'Arc-en-Ciel. Aaaand.. that was pretty much it. I drove her home, thanked her for everything, walked her to her door(she seemed kinda confused about me doing this), and that was the end.
hmmmm.... I think I might have made it seem better than it actually was. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it.. to me it was like a dream. But... I was really nervous the whole time.. so I think a few times became kind of akward.. orz
So.. that was the first time we went out. That was about 6 months ago now. We got together one more time after I gave her the poster (i wrote a little bit about it at >>60) and that was the last time. I'll tell more about that in another post.
Anyway, It's been a few days now since I've been waiting to see her online. But I'm not gonna give up! I have no plans tomorrow besides to do a little work (which I do on my computer anyway), so I'm gonna try to stay up and wait for her. I could really use the help if anybody's willing!
aah... sorry for such a long post!
awesome.... (O_O)'
OMG, it's actually happening in real life, right in front of my very eyes
I never thought I'd see the day
BENOIST!
Hm, my reply got deleted or something
Oh well, good luck anyway
>>120
It's not really happenning yet. We're still waiting for him to make the first move. Personally, I think trying to find her online is too much of a bother. He should go for it the next time he sees her in person.
So MSN, are you a geek-type or more of a normal person?
Considering you said you used to hang out with her as a friend when you were dating her friend, it seems pretty likely to me she asked you out just to hang out as a friend again. She probably realized you liked her and got kind of weirded out since she meant it to be just hanging out like old times.
I know this has happened to me, where I thought I was going to hang out with a guy as a friend, and he suddenly was trying to act all smooth. I felt like I was tricked into going on a date. She didn't really have any way to turn you down since you never asked her out, so she avoided you. I've been in the same situation myself... orz
Sorry if that seemed harsh, you seem like a nice guy, just giving my point of view.
I guess a little of both... although I'd say my normal side is more dominant. I am into anime/games, but I wouldn't say it's an otaku level.. I don't think anyone would guess I was otaku by looking at me.
I appreciate you sharing that. It does seem like that's a likely reason.. but whatever the case is, I'm not gonna give up this time. I gotta do it.... even if it's as bad as it seems.. orz
Well, I'm gonna go get some dinner. When I get back I plan to stay up and wait. Anyone want to join me? (^_^;)
We're behind you, MSN Otoko!
Everyone stay awake! BENOIST!
Hooray! I'm not the only one!
You still there, MSN? :/
What time is it over there, anyway?
yeah i'll up for a while~
I'm back! Sorry, took longer than I expected. Anyway, no sign of her yet... anybody still awake?
Just woke up - it's 10:48 over here.
5:28 AM, still awake
13:04pm in spain, i'm still awake ( ¡^_^)
hello my name is alex
Everybody go to sleep ? .. hello.. mochi mochi...
orz. I'm alone.. :(
No you're not~
yes, i'm sure...
aah... I fell asleep too early.. orz
I think I knocked out sometime around 3. Sorry eveyone. But thank you for trying to stay up with me. I'm gonna try again tonight... this time with coffee. \(`ヘ´)/
Anyway, as I mentioned at the end of >>117, I have one more story.. this happend after I gave her the poster.
To thank me for making her the poster, she said she was gonna cook dinner for me again! Like last time, I was a disaster. This time even more so because I decided that I would tell her my feelings. I had a little note in my pocket of what I planned to say to her. Whenever I used the bathroom or had a moment to myself, I'd pull it out and review what I wrote.
She came over later in the evening. I noticed that I never forget that first glimpse I get of her. It's like everytime I see her, I'm amazed at how beautiful she is. At that moment all my senses become amplified, and I suddenly become overly conscious of everything.. like how I walk, how I talk, even how I breathe. In other words, I get really nervous. She came inside and began cooking. We decided that this time we'd watch a movie while we ate. Afterwards, we sat around my room and talked about different things. Mainly, an anime we were both interested in. That was probably one of the more casual conversations we had in a long time. (^_^;)
After that she said she was going home. As I walked her to her car, I could feel the note crinkling in my pocket. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as I tryed to say something..... but I couldn't. When she got to her car, she said bye, and all I could say back was bye. I went back inside and just fell on my bed. I was so dissapointed in myself. orz
So... that was the last time we met. I wrote to her afterwards, but rarely got a response. I finally sent another email a few weeks later, and she responded telling me that she was going back to Japan soon. I wrote back asking to see her before she left, but again didn't get a response. I stayed up all night the day before she was supposed to leave hoping to have one last chance to tell her how I felt. She actually did come online too.. but it was only for a few seconds.. I didn't have time to say anything. At that point I kind of just accepted failure. I thought it was all over. Then after a few months passed, I heard from a friend that she was back! It kind of seemed like a miracle... I was given another chance! So as bad as it all seems, I'm not gonna accept failure this time. I'll do whatever it takes.. and in the end, she'll at least know how I feel about her.
Sooo, that basically brings us to the present time. Well I'm gonna do a little work now. But I'll keep you all posted!
Hello, MSN Otoko. I usually lurk here but...I feel so honoured to be part of a thread like this! BENOIST!
lol, I'm still awake!
Hey MSN. Man, I was scared I misses something. I'll be staying up with you now. I had been following this thread before but had computer troubles over the weekend and thought you may have already made your move. Well, 11:33pm, and I should be up a long time, so let's hope tonight ends well.
I'm torrenting Densha Otoko Ep. 11 right now! (^A^)
>>145
you spelled your name wrong
>>142
Thank you! but really, I'm the one who's honored m(_ _)m
>>144
fingers crossed
I've been thinking though... I've swore to myself that I'd talk to her the next time I have a chance... but I still don't really know what to say! "hey, how've you been?" "hey, it's been awhile." Ehhh.. sounds kinda boring. Any suggestions??
I've been in your exact position before and I started it off with a simple "sup"
Worked for me
really? hmm... that doesn't seem like something I'd say though..