I don’t get it no matter what I do, no mater how hard I try I can’t get a girlfriend. I’m a 20 year old guy, and yes I am an otaku, but it’s not like you could tell just by looking at me. I’m not exactly good looking but I’m not a hideous fucker either. I have always been polite, honest (though not to the point of rudeness), and respectful. It’s like I have Hideki syndrome. I’m always being told how I’m such a sweet guy, but that never gets me any where. It’s not like I’m even given a chance, I’m just written of as “just a nice guy” and they move on. It gets worse every time because I’m terrified that I will always be alone. I don’t really have a lot of people I’m close with there or only one or two people I think of as real friends. I’ve even tried excepting the fact that I will probably always be alone but it just doesn’t work. I hate feeling like this, it feels weak and I hate that, but I just cant seem to stop thinking negatively like this.
I know how you feel, it's the same for me. Now i like this girl and i'm shy so i'm fighting myself and pushing myself to make the first step. Maybe you have this problem too, maybe you just don't have the courage to make a move. I'm 18 and i'm starting to panic. Try going out more with your friends, make new friends, and talk to them, maybe you'll find someone you like and maybe she will like you too.
Your problem is not that you are a nice guy, but rather that you lack social exposure,... Get more friends, go out more, do more things which put you in contact with other people, and your chances will increase.
I know how you feel. But you shouldn't let yourself down. 20 is no age to be desperate. It's just seems like momentarily lonliness.
As soon as you stop to think about it somethign will happen, at least that is how it always went for me.
I am 19-20 and i feel the same ...
OP here,
I'm trying very hard to get a social life, but whenever I try to get something together with friends they all usually flake on me. I only have one friend who has been consistantly reliable.
As for being worked up over my love life, its not so much that I am 20 and single as it is that I am 20 and have never made it past friendship with a girl. I can count on one hand the nuber of times I have goten even a short friendly hug T_T.
>>3 if you can take the pain.
Rejection,rejection,rejection,...rejection*youarehere*,rejection,WIN....break-up,rejection,rejection,rejection,... Ask you this, is it worth it?
There is no answer, we socially challenged people have it much harder.No pain, no gain:)
>>7
As you gain experience, you will have less rejections, simply because you can better evaluate the other peoples feelings, and sell yourself better. It's true that some people have it easier than others, but it does not mean that you can't do it, it just means you have to try harder than them. But if you do invest yourself, you will get there. It's like walking, it's harder for some people than others, but eventually everyone gets there,...
You seem to be very obsessed with rejection, maybe that's part of the problem. Be with other people is supposed to be fun, and not a source of anxiety because of rejection.
This all is very good advice, thank you so much for taking the time to give it.
>>8 thanks for that bit of advice. I know it is stupid but to be honest I never thought of my fear of rejection as a hindrance.
my friend...just be yourself. If you enjoying being an otaku, stay like that. Like >>7 said...you have to endure the rejection over and over again to make things better. Also (if you can) try not to play the "be someone else so I can land the girl" card. The more you act true to yourself, the more likely you will at least get an invitation or some sort...but at least try to look and act socially casual.
If you are 20, then you are still young and have a lot to experience. If you are JUST AN OTAKU...experiment on other things like sports, music (not techno/rave shit), traveling...something!!
Here's a tip: girls like guys who have an extensive portfolio of various experiences. My present girlfriend hated me before we started dating in high school. One time during Spanish class...I was paired up for an exercise with her. After we finished...I just asked her "what are your hobbies?" She said she liked to play the flute, enjoy dancing, and other things I don't remember. I responded by saying I play the violin, enjoying goin' to clubs, and played club soccer. She was so impressed that she wanted to hear more about myself.
Try it and see if it works; maybe when you are taking the bus, waiting in line at a fast food joint, or walking around the mall. Just don't look like a stalker or a creep as you approach her.
Always just be yourself and get yourself out there. It will work itself out.
Again, BE YOURSELF. Stand for what you think and who you are, and don't conjure up lies about yourself just because you think that's what the girls want to hear. See it like this: If you are true to yourself, the girl you end up with will be a girl who truly loves you for who you are. She will be in love with YOU, not things you made up. No matter who you are, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, there will always be people more than happy to love you for it.
And being an Otaku isn't bad by definition. Maybe what you're looking for is an Otaku girl? There are plenty and the love of your life might be one of them. In that case, try the webs? It works.
Also, just relax. It WILL work itself out. Just get yourself out there. Alone or with friends, you're not a loser just because you're out alone. Go to a pub and stick around for a bit, just to show you exist. A girl is just as likely to make the first move as you are. Don't panic, it'll be okay.
So, what do you do with this advice? You go out. If you feel low on confidence, drag a friend along. You'll notice girls look at you, and maybe that will be a boost.
Report back! ^^
Best wishes, as always
E
>>1
I think I know how you feel. I'm over 20 and never had a girlfriend. There are reasons for that, and I made some mistakes in the past (but I guess everybody does). Well... I currently have way too much to do to really worry about this. But then, sometimes, like right now, I feel quite lonely.
I think I missed a chance today. While I was walking to my car from the library there was a girl that ended up walking next to me. As we walked along I looked over at her and she was looking at me. When she saw me looking she smiled little and looked away. We had a few exchanges of glances and then ended up going in separate directions. I doubt she thought I was attractive but I feel like I could have at least talked to her or even just said hi. I’m happy that someone may have noticed me in a positive way but I hate that I couldn’t bring myself to take action.
Awesome. But don't hate yourself. This was a learning experience - remember you are getting stronger by the day.
I actually said hi to a girl today. I know it doesn’t seem like much but for me it’s a big step. Normally I would kind of look away but today I made a conscious decision to say something, anything because I found her attractive. I will do my best to keep moving forward.
>>15
That's great, it seems to be a small step, but it's a big one, remember this feeling, you will do other things that you didn't do before, try talking more next time if possible.
That's good you made some progress. here's a tip that i believe may be helpful. Don't think so much, just do it or don't do it. I learned from some quote from a class (college student) that the situations you get in are called FLOW. Your actions will just become an impulse and that the outcome can be rejection or acception etc.
If you see a girl, and say Hello, you have nothing to lose. No one hates others just because you say Hello to someone. That single HELLO can become your next key to opening talks with a girl. Don't be so pessimistic either, girls don't date pessimistic negative men, they can read a guy simply by looking at them. Stay positive and you'll find someone ^_^
Number one advice, don't ask girls for advice. I've noticed that there is a divide between what women say they look for, and what they actually find attractive. Number two, you need to be yourself, to a degree. If you play a role to hook a girl, you won't be able to keep up the facade forever. Number three, despite number two, you need to NOT be several things: clingy or desperate or accomodating. Girls, will get the impression that they're doing you a favor in a potential relationship. And they will feel they can do better. You don't have to be a douche (although it helps with girls with low self esteem...but you really don't want those types) and you don't need to be a faggot like Mystery (beep boop beep, according to my calculations, I should neg). But you can't be her little manservant. You have to have a backbone. It'll make you look stronger, smarter and confident. And confidence, is the big winning factor. Confidence, turns the table, making her feel you would be a good investment; if you act like you're worthwhile, she'll think you are worthwhile. But bringing the point back to 2, it helps if you play off real character strengths here, rather than fake ones. That, I think, is the key to good long lasting relationships.
>>18
I’m not really sure what my character strengths are. I’m mediocre at best with most of the things that I do. I guess I’m good at coming up with random facts and information, and I have traveled to South America, England, and Japan but I don’t know if that is worth anything. I will defiantly try to be more confident as I have always had confidence issues when it comes to women.
Well today I have made yet another small step forward. I was leaving my last class for the parking garage when I noticed a squirrel chewing on some foil candy wrapper. I’m kind of an animal freak so I somehow managed to get the squirrel to drop the wrapper and I threw it away. When this was done a rather attractive girl came up to me and commented on how I was able to get so close to the squirrel without it running away. We walked for a bit in the same direction and talked about how tame the animals are on camps and then we went our separate ways. I know the topic of the conversation was weird, but the conversation flowed naturally and it wasn’t awkward at all. I hope that this is a sign that I am either becoming approachable or just that I am becoming less awkward. All of the advice I have been receiving has been really helpful. I know that things haven’t changed much in this short of time but I can see that maybe I will be able to improve. I will keep you updated if anything interesting or important happens.
Dude, don't worry! There is a girl for you out there, you'll find her!
research the "mystery method," you don't necessarally need to follow it, just read it once and you'll get the big picture. i hope that helps.
Well today I made one step forward and one step back. I was in the collage convenience store to day when I saw a fairly cute girl buying sushi. To be honest I was not interested in her but I figured it would be good practice. I tried a couple of times to approach her but just ended up lurking because I could not get up the nerve. Finally I managed to say something in the checkout line.
Me: Hay, is the sushi here any good?
Her: It’s ok.
Me: …
Me: I’m so busy these days I almost never have the time to get some…
Her: …
Casher in the other line: Next!
Me: (Exit stage right in shame.)
I’m glad I was able to muster up the courage to talk and try to make an opening but man I sucked spectacularly.
To be honest, we're in the same boat... I'm a 19 years old and the number of years I've been girlfriendless. All my other attempts have been pretty much failures landing me in the friend zone... I totally get where you're coming from in everything. The anxiousness... the fear... all of that. I've watched shows like Vh1's pick up artist, which makes me feel like that stuff would work.
Although there is one thing you can do... You could meet lots of people! Me and you man... we got to break out of our shell and start talking to people. Even if we sound stupid or something we need to do something. The longer we wait, the more hopeless it seems. Instead of staying home and watching anime, which we both clearly love to do, go out! It s something I'm trying to do myself... As for you, do your best and never give up!
you already need to have the material in your head, several stories or lines and just say them one after the other. Be like your in a hurry (your friend is waiting, etc) so that will show you're not trying to be creepy.
That was a good opener for that type of situation, and obviously she wanted to talk to you.
I get what SiMO is trying to say here... I watched VH1's The Pick Up artist and they give some pretty good advice.
http://www.vh1.com/video/play.jhtml?id=1595865&vid=166894
Check out how to open a set and pep talk. To tell the truth, I tried this once, but I failed haha. Keep in mind that I gave up after that one, but maybe you can make it work. You're a few steps ahead of me anyways. Good luck