While I was in school, I always thought I was a super smart special snowflake. It's not hard for people to feel that way, though. Even though I was awful at math, I was full of myself because teachers always complimented me, and I got high scores on state tests. Now I realize that the state tests have extremely low standards. There were lots of other things that led me to believe my fantasy. I ended up dropping out of high school and getting my GED. I don't want to give my life story, just everything that's relevant to my problems.
Now that I'm out of school and I have a job (an unskilled, minimum wage job), I go crazy thinking about how slow I am. The thoughts pile up: I'm slow at math, I couldn't handle school work, I'm not well spoken, I can't learn how to program, etc. It worries the hell out of me, because being smart is the single most important trait for people who want to be happy. Just from an estimate, I'd say I have an IQ of 90, 95 if I'm feeling good about myself.
When I'm in a good mood, I think that I might still have a chance to improve my brain. Maybe intelligence isn't fixed and I have a prayer of not being a loser forever. Even if that were true, I'm too lazy for that anyway. In a bad mood, I think that the world won't ever become any clearer to me than it is now.
I can relate to this so accurately I can only assume I wrote and submitted this post in my sleep.
I think the problem is how suddenly the "difficulty curve" of education kicks in. I was a smart child because I read books. The stuff they taught 8-year-old me, I already knew. People praised how intelligent I was and consistently told me I would have a good future or whatever. Then in my teenage years things just became difficult. It's not as though calculus was particularly hard, but my brain failed to absorb the information or make use of it effectively.
Eventually I basically gave up and resorted to skipping class and reading books in the library instead. I managed to pass (barely) and got into university. At this point I felt like I was stretching my mental capacities thin, and so I failed the course. It has gotten to be very troublesome. Even basic arithmetic is very difficult for me now, and I have to count out my money in advance before I go and buy anything. I can barely remember what happened an hour ago, so I have to write notes for myself so I don't forget anything important. If I try to read a book, I feel sleepy a few pages in.
You are not alone, OP. Something that I think is worth keeping in mind is that posters on 4-ch have access to Google and Wikipedia and all the time in the world to type their responses. I could make myself sound knowledgeable and argue for/against anything intelligently if I have ten minutes and an Internet connection. However I would be terrible in a "live" conversation, and I suspect many people are this way.
Thanks, >>2. I'm glad somebody understands.
> Even basic arithmetic is very difficult for me now
This is one of my biggest problems, and one of the things I really wish I could improve on. I've noticed how things people see as basic math are completely inaccessible to me. For example, I don't know my multiplication tables by memory.
Writing notes and bothering to calculate things before you go out to buy something is really tenacious behavior. You managed to pass high school and get into University, too. You might just have had bad study habits or some other problem with school.
> Eventually I basically gave up and resorted to skipping class
This was where I fell. My high school was an academy where kids got to take classes at the college (this definitely didn't help with my special snowflake disorder). The pressure from the math and chemistry classes piled up on me, and it stopped feeling like I was learning. It was a constant worry about a deadline. Yet the people around me managed perfectly, always seeming happy and productive. I started ditching classes and staying in bed all day, because I didn't want to think about the future.
I am in a university and i notice all the time that there are people who pick things up in class quickly and those that do it more slowly. But the main key is that everyone picks it up, and can understand it if they apply the time that is required for them .
Everyone learns at a different pace, so don't give up OP. Just take things at a slower pace if that helps. Don't beat yourself up, just because you learn things more slowly it is fine.
I know how you feel about staying in and being afraid of the future. I get into cyclical thinking quite often, where i begin to pile up all my failures and mistakes on top of each other and i panic and think i will never succeed. BUT when that happens, i try to clear my mind by taking a shower, going for a walk, or watching some tv and I can re-evaluate everything i felt, and i realize if i tackle one thing at a time it is manageable.
So don't give up. Take things slow and one at a time.
From what I've read, the ability to cope with the sorts of problems I faced--worries about the future, social anxiety--correlates with IQ. No activity I've tried yet helps me see my problems clearly. The best I can seem to do is distract myself. The slow learners in your University probably have a good capacity for handling stress, too.
> So don't give up. Take things slow and one at a time.
Thank you. It's hard for me to change my thoughts, to think as positively as you do in your post, but maybe a concerted effort to do so would help with the challenges I have to face.
I'm in a situation where I can't just be a dumb NEET, so I'll end up having to push myself. By some miracle, I have a fiancee. I have to do everything in my power to make sure I can provide for her. That's where the real pain is. No matter how much I like this woman, I know that there are other men so much more able and gifted than me who could make her happy.
I understand it is hard to change your thoughts, It is hard to feel like you've accomplished something. One thing that helps me though, is when i look back on my day and i tally up all the things I did. Looking at all the things I did no matter how big or how small, lets me realize that I was able to do something!
Also, your fiance wouldn't have said yes, if she didn't want to be with you. Forget about all the other guys out there. She doesn't want them she wants you. You need to be the best that you can be, and it will be enough if you give it your all.
Everyone knows there is always someone better than them out there, you can't live your life thinking you won't be chosen because there are better people out there. You will, by someone who wants you for who you are.
I do get insecure about my intelligence sometimes. I reassure myself by remembering what I practice, what I'm good at, and my experience, and then I realize how badly other people would handle it compared to me.
Most of the time, intelligence isn't an absolute value. So, remember what you're good at and stick with it.
You need to start seeing intelligence as "this is what I've adapted and gotten used to" instead of "why can't I solve multiple math problems in my head simultaneously?" University isn't terribly hard, most of the effort comes from trying to manage your time well.
That's really about it. I see programming as a theme here, so all you need to do is just practice and get yourself used to it daily and read people's writings online. Start as slowly as you need to - one could learn any language if he merely sees one word a day.
Just chill out and remember, being "dumb" isn't terribly bad. Get yourself to admit it, move on, and do things better than other people. What's the point of getting flustered when there are truly dumb people who never get insecure?
>>5
Coping with problems has nothing to do with IQ. IQ doesn't even really have anything to do with IQ.
> IQ doesn't even really have anything to do with IQ.
Isn't that like saying meters don't have anything to do with meters? But I can see your point about coping. A lot of people less able than me are able to be more well adjusted and successful than I am.
> Just chill out and remember, being "dumb" isn't terribly bad. Get yourself to admit it, move on, and do things better than other people. What's the point of getting flustered when there are truly dumb people who never get insecure?
That's one of the most encouraging things I've read all day. Thank you for your response, sincerely.
>>10
IQ as a metric has nothing to do with intelligence quotient as a whole. Basically, it varies, and even then is mostly wildly inaccurate. You don't have to be a wanker with a "160+ IQ" to be a genius, and most certainly not to cope with problems whose solutions or temporary resolutions aren't as straightforward as a mathematical equation. Do whatever makes you happy, whatever fulfils your thirst for life. I enjoy learning. Some people like adventure. Others just want to create works of art. If you want to be smart, then by all means gnash your teeth and apply yourself until you're progressing steadily along. Don't worry about what others think of you -- they're almost always wrong, anyway.
Hello everyone. I had a very a very strange dream last night. It brought back a lot of old emotions that really haunts and confuses me. If you have any questions about me please ask. I'm going through a lot more than I could handle in my life right now. This dream really shocked me.
I had a dream that I was back home in my room. [home is 4000 mi away] I had a dream that I was in my room watching television and I called my friend to come over. We were in my room watching television for a while. Then I decided to leave my room to get something to eat in the back kitchen. That's when I noticed that my Grandma was awake. I go up to her to hug her and say hi. My friend sees us. My Grandma asks us to do her one last favor and she tells us to follow her to her room. We follow her to her room and in her closet was a bag full of peso bills. Grandpa was sitting up on the bed watching us. [My Grandpa passed away a year ago, but I haven't been home since he died] My Grandma wanted us to get rid of it since she can't buy anything with it in. Then my Grandma breaks out a shotgun. She points it to a corner. An image of a dead naked body flashes into my eyes in the corner as if I was watching a movie montage. She turns and points to another corner and a different dead body flashes as well. Repeats 4 more times. Then she hands the shotgun to me. Somehow I knew she wanted me to do something. For a second I felt a feeling of honor to protect my family. But I felt bad. I walk towards the corner of the hall. I see two strangers wandering in the kitchen. They look like they're about to rob us. I retreated and aimed as I awaited for them to walk pass the corner. The shotgun's reload handle somehow moves beneath the trigger. It made it extremely difficult for me to reload. I started getting nervous. What if I don't reload on time before the next shot? What if I missed? I get the insecure feeling deep within that I can't do it. I started getting very nervous. I wake up from my dream. I get a strong feeling of fear. I was so afraid of my dream.
(This isn't about relationship problems, even though lower, I talk a lot about my boyfriend. Its pure inadequacy in everyday life. Its poorly written and put together. Its hard for me to write intelligibly when I'm upset about personal problems like this.)
I haven't ever posted here, not even a comment. I'm too worried to. This'll be a very long post, so I'll get right down to my problems though..
No one pays me attention. I always hear complaints from girls about creepers being creepy to them, usually pedophiles, and old men, and things like that. Even otaku girls who seem unattractive. I never have that thing happen to me. Not even online. Sure, I don't go out and be a whore, but i thought that pedophiles like the young innocence and what not.
I always thought I was a very average looking girl.. Well when I was younger I was very ugly. Very ugly and obese. I was very nice though.. I was polite and god damn pleasant. When i grew up and my face matured a little, I thought I've gotten prettier. My fat has turned mostly into curves and I found out I was obese from a medical condition, and we start giving me medicine for it soon, and so I'll be in pretty good shape.
This made me happier than is natural. Thank you. I feel guilty for being such an attention whore though.
You strike me as an intelligent, interesting person. Your upbringing has instilled a stigmatising anxiety, however, which disables you socially. Analyzing and observing your relationships to such a great degree, you feel the next step must be taken with extreme caution. And so, when finally you come into a situation which promises even the slightest level of interaction, the unfiltered actions of others appear far more vast, meaningful and implicating than they really are.
I understand how you must feel. Being highly introverted and a loner by nature, I never fell into very many friendships. In high school I was almost mute. I was deathly afraid to form new connections. I could fill the void a bit with programming, reading, gaming, writing, drawing, playing music... but the knowledge never desisted that I remained isolated and alone. Spending inordinate amounts of time online, I talked to lots of people and opened up more than I'd ever have in person, as you are now. I even met my first girlfriend on the internet, completely by accident. She happened to live in the same town. Yet throughout it all I was never anyone's first, second nor third priority. You'd think on the internet you'd at least be able to keep a friend? Apparently not. I guess even typing is too difficult, unless you have a good reason for doing so.
Then, something happened. Whether it was when I got my first job, started going to anime conventions, or just tried being more charismatic and less repressed around the few people I did know, I began having a lot of fun around others. They accepted me for my quirks and were amazed by my talents. I made them laugh. I discovered that girls actually found me very attractive, which repaired my confidence immensely and enabled me to pursue them with far more than the old timidity I'd been crippled by. Conventions helped me meet people who, contrary to the otaku stereotype, were very friendly and lucid individuals. I even, dare I say -- partied -- for the first time in my life.
I could have written this post, only I don't have any friends, online or off, and I've never had a partner. But the being ignored by everyone, no one giving a shit about you, the parents telling you it's because "You're just shy and stern looking!" bullshit, the trying to be sociable and it never working and being called "weird", the being second best when you were younger and did have friends- it's all me.
And frankly this thread terrifies me. I haven't finished it because I can't read more than a few lines at a time. It's like looking into my future, or an alternate reality, and it doesn't get better.
I don't think we're going to have a happy ending, OP.
Yeah, this thread does make me wish I were buried in the ground already. Well, maybe not quite, but seeing someone talk about how they got over their social issues and such. I don't believe I have any such future. My only plan now is to restrict my efforts to my job, my teaching and my writing, and to give up entirely on companionship. Some serious drinking might be in order.
OP here again.
Thanks >>13 for that thoughtful response. It gives me a lot of hope. It really does. You said kind words to me, and I can't thank you enough for that, and the thought it must've taken you to write that. Last Wednesday in my karate class, a guy with a camera came in and started talking to my teacher. He said he wanted to record some stuff for the local news. This terrified me. He had the camera on the whole time, and I was super self conscious. But then a time came where I just said "No, I don't care.. The chances that I won't be cut out are high but hey, even if I'm on tv, who cares how I look? I'm in the middle of a fight. I may have a double chin, or just plain be jiggling my fat around, but people watching would know I was trying to fight. They would understand. If they don't, then they're immature" basically. It wasn't so thought out, but it was basically a "I don't care anymore" situation. The class went really well besides that, and he interviewed some people. Sadly, I had nothing I could really throw in there, so I didn't get interviewed, but I'm making a little progress. In terms of the self-conscious part, anyway.
Another small thing from that day. Theres a little girl named Emily in my class, and she's about 7 or 8. She never talks but she's itsy bitsy and the cutest thing ever. I finally got to spar against her, and when the teacher told us to pair up, she SMILED, SKIPPED over to me, and GIGGLED. HAPPILY. Not even mockingly. I was amazed. I mean, sure, I'm the only girl in my class except for the occasional one, but still. I didn't expect her to be so.. happy. I couldn't help but giggle myself. She smiled the whole time we sparred, and she even corrected herself even though she's barely been going for a week. She was happy sparring against ME. This makes me feel good self consciously and she gave me the attention I've been wanting, even if only momentarily.
This leads me to my reply to >>14 and >>15 :
I made it sound worse than it really is. Its not all bad. I don't think I'll ever be very sociable unless I take medicine for it, or something like that. I think its a chemical imbalance combined with extremely low self esteem. Its hard to fix those.
I especially made my partner to sound worse than he is. He's an amazing person for me to be around. He gave up all of his friends for me. Gave up all chances of a different life, so he could spend it with me. But do you know how I got him? I had to reach my hand out to him. Multiple times. I can write out exactly what I had to do to convince him, if you want. I don't want to spam you if you don't care all that much.
>>14, I'm still young, and you're probably still young. I'm sure things will get better, even if we can't get over these things.. I have a few sites for you to go to if you want to start to try making online friends. Its for anime fans though, so if you aren't into that, ignore this, but.. Try theOtaku.com. Thats where I started. Its really friendly, and you can start going into the chat after 30 days of signing up. People are super friendly, and non-intrusive there. My parents felt safe letting me on there when I was 12, and I really was safe. Its nothing you should feel anxiety about. Please join. Just make sure to read the rules if you have any doubt.
I was going to write a long post about how much I identified with this thread, and how when I was a kid all I did was sit around playing Pokemon and getting fat. But I'm tired today. Short version:
Now I go to cons, and the rave afterwards, like someone else said, I partied. Today I am 21. Not socially retarded. I dress artistically. 290 pounds lighter, I still consider myself ugly. But compared to what I used to look like, I'm goddamn George Clooney. Now I have a few good friends, real friends. I've dated before. Women still don't like me so much, but still better than before. But I am so much better than I was before. Just through MY OWN sheer willpower I have forged myself into a better me. On my own terms.
My point is this: You CAN change for the better if you want. You can teach yourself to be more social or more charismatic or more whatever. Personally, I think that while you might not be in your ideal situation, I think you may be doing better than you realise. But either way you can do anything you want better, if you choose to. I guess that's my point.
Oh, by the way?
I still play Pokemon.
>>17 yeah, I have thought about doing this. The problem is that I don't have such an outlet. The only writing communities I've ever found focus totally on creative writing, and that's not really my thing. I've actually tried creative writing, but with so little past experience socializing, I've found it impossible to draw on anything in my life to create characters.
You bring up a good point about "risking" your feelings on someone. I don't feel like doing this. I've been burned quite a few times, and for over five or six years now I haven't had a single interest in any woman I've met. Maybe it's partly because I don't want to get burned anymore, but I'm not attracted to them at all. It seems to me that when I put my feelings on the line, I'm just putting myself in store for more humiliation again. The whole deal is just fucking rotten.
I am pretty lonely, though, I have to admit that. Otherwise I'd probably feel no need to drink. I know I have to change, and if that means humiliating myself hundreds more times, that might be better than the alternative.
It's great that you've found your own way out, though. This is no way to live.
I've never told any of this before. I feel like I need some help.
I'm 26 year's old. I've only ever had 1 girlfriend, which I met at student accommodation at university, I've lost my virginity to her when I was 20.
At first I had problems with my erection when I was intimate with her, which was a massive blow to my confidence. I saw a doctor, he said everything is fine with my hardware. We worked on it, and figured it out.
We where together for almost 2 years, then she broke up with my email when I was in another country. After a year of not seeing each other we've started hanging out again, and having sex on a regular basis. It were sort of together, but didn't want to admit it.
During that period I've had attempted drunken sex with a flatmate, but also had problems with getting hard, which I blamed on how drunk I was. I've had a crush on her since we've started living with each other.
University ended, we both went separate ways. Same with my exgirlfriend.
My ex visited my a year or two after university, and we where having sex the same day, she stayed at my place for a couple of days. When she went back home I cried for a day.
I've never ever had any other sexual contact with girls, had a few drunken make outs, but never one night stands.
I've only been one 1 date in my life, with a girl I met via OKCupid. It didn't really work out, it was pretty awkward.
I'm scared of getting close to girls/dating, because I have a fear of not only being inexperienced with women, but also I'm freaked out that I won't get hard when it comes to getting freaky.
"You must be gay!" is the popular solution to every sexual issue these days. If you honestly know that you're not, then you're not.
I have a similar problem. I don't have any hardware problems, but I'm just not attracted to most women although I'm straight. It's something about most of their styles and behaviors that seriously turn me off. This might also be the case for you. Have you considered that possibility?
I today all of my classes were dropped for not having a appointment with the dean counsel because of my academic probation. I was not aware that i had to meet with the dean counsel. They send me e-mails on my UC email which i rarely check. i made an appointment with dean counsel tomorrow, however they inform me they have already dismissed me and i won't be able to continue this quarter. I needed to be enrolled for this quarter to get my GPA to 2.0 for financial aid. Am able to do anything to convince the counsel to accept me back. I also have a learning disability. i was hoping i could get my act together this quarter.
Use your disability as an argument as to why they should re-enroll you.
I don't know who to tell this to, or how do I even phrase it.
I have never been in a relationship. I will turn 21 this year.
(A little background information- The only thing I ever actually had, was with a friend's friend. I fell for him though I just intended to explore things. But that chapter's over and done with)
Now, there is a guy who cares about me, and I care about him too. But he REALLY cares about me.
We have everything scarily in common, right from our musical preferences, sexual fantasies to tastes in interiors.
But I just don't feel like I'm into him?
Should I still give him a chance even if I don't feel a 'like-like' feeling or tingles?
I don't know if it's a friendzone or what, but I get shit scared if anything related to even going out comes up.
My fingers get cold as if I'm awaiting an execution and my heart feels like it stops, and yet races like it wants to run away in some blinding rain. It's like a deafening sound of a thousand beating wings.
Sometimes, relationships blossom from things like this. You could give him a chance and date him, though if it doesn't work because you don't like him in that way, or something like that, it may become awkward and you may not be able to maintain a friendship with him (assuming you two are close friends?) It might just be that you haven't had lots of experience with relationships (although you may from your one relationship?) that you are feeling this way towards him, and towards the idea of "going out" with him.
This thread isn't for those with social anxiety or those who want relationships with others but are too shy to get them. This, rather, is for people who genuinely enjoy being alone, from at least most of the time to all of the time.
How do you cope with living in a soceity in which you are generally viewed as though there is something wrong with you? What do you do when/if people try to start conversations with you? Are you fine with some occasional required contact, or do you resent even this? Do you feel there is some sort of a void in your life, and that you need to find something to fill it? I'm curious to see if there is anyone with experiences similar to mine on here.
I don’t know if I would be classified as a loner. I have just lost the drive to put forth the effort necessary to have friends. People desire too much of my time, and for the most part, I enjoy having my personal space. Everyone I’ve ever met has either immediately wanted to date me, which creeps me out, or wants me to constantly hang out with them, leaving no time for myself. I enjoy having extra hours in the day to explore my imagination and pursue my hobbies.
I never hang out with friends as much as I want to. But this is not helped by the fact that I live far away from any civilisation.
>>124
I'd agree, but I'd also say you really need to distance yourself from what is fiction. I have to distance myself from my own fantasies often. I keep it in check.
Im 19 now and im also an introvert. I just watch K-dramas, animes, read mangas, 9gag, and use my laptop the whole day. I have some friends but since Im in college now, Im finding it hard to make new ones (my old ones are left in my country). Such a pain...im too shy and awkward. Most of the time I have no idea what to say. Is it just me? I mean how do you deal with this? Its summer and as usual im cooped up in my room just watching animes. My sister keeps telling my sad and pathetic I am but im perfectly happy this way. I mean I look to go out occasionally but sometimes its a pain. Im not even like a geeky girl (as you would describe it). Im normal looking but just socially awkward. Any comments? :)
>>135
As long as you're not dropping out of society and the developing world in general, you're fine. Keep doing what makes you happy.
I can't imagine the sort of fortitude it takes to be a genuine loner, as the OP puts it. To live without the need for the warmth of love or the joy of brotherhood. If such a creature exists, they must derive such happiness from their passions.
As for me, I'm pretty mediocre at my hobbies. I rely on interaction from my girlfriend and her family, with no real social interaction outside of that. I am never solicited to be more social. Maybe it's because nobody is interested in me, but I think it's mostly because I don't solicit anybody to socialize with me. I can't complain. Strangers outside of anonymous boards make me uncomfortable.
To be more relevant to the topic, seeming happy and energetic while keeping boundaries is the best way to avoid unwanted interaction.
Even if I'm not a genuine loner, I understand the pain of somebody talking to you while you're perfectly content without them. The unwanted risk of ego is what makes it worst for me. I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid and beat myself up for it the next month.
Went to a friend's birthday on Sat. I was the only one among her friends who was not also a work friend or attached in that fashion. Also the only single. It still feels wrong to me, like I shouldn't have been there. I thought I'd made some serious changes in the past year, but really I'm still the same bitter, lonely, frustrated man I've always been. The only difference is that I feel I am really a man now, instead of a boy.
It may be just as well. I've never been in a good relationship because I'm neurotic and sexually deviant. My parents and family want me to have a "normal" relationship and a normal life, but I don't think I'd be able to stand it even if I could do that. I'll probably end up spending every hour I can working, so that I can make large amounts of money and on my down time sit alone in my apartment with my music on and pornography on my TV. Those are my best prospects.
I could be a loner. I like being alone far better than being with other people. I'm really irritable at school, too. The only time I can really relax is when I'm without company. The thought of living in one of those big abandoned missile silos all by myself sounds really cool to me.
I feel like I don't belong here. Like I was born in the wrong era. People around me are on a different wavelength. I feel like I was supposed to be somewhere else doing something else living a different life.
>>87 You should take a fresh view at your own era. There are plenty of portentous events taking place now. Agreed, the Concordia can't compare to the Titanic, but we are changing the entire globe's climate (the arctic sea routes are even opening), and will soon run out of cheap oil, which sustains food production for our bulging population. Don't worry, we'll see plenty of interesting things in the years to come.
Also do remember that Victorians were notoriously nostalgic: they spent their times aspiring for a previous, simpler age (Arthur and his knights were all the rage, then), were into gothic stuff (Bram Stoker's Dracula, many neo-gothic buildings were then built).
As for deserving your life, many important events will be decided by what the current generations do, so there's plenty to do, if you want to payback some of your good luck, and help build a liveable future for the generations to come.
This has mostly to do with the fact that we notice things in tis life that are negative and that we're not comfortaable with.i grew up in the 70's but consider myself an 80's person.the 80's were totally different.the music and culture,hadn't accepted rap and hip hop as a predominantform of music so the music was rock,mostly new wave or alternative and much better than anything out today.i think if you look back in time,you'll see that when things really got bad in this country,it was the 1994-95 era//this is when evrybody wanted to be african american and the music transitioned on the charts from rock to negatibve and gangsta hip hop and rap.the culture in this country totally changed in those years.i don't think most young people in their 20's and younger,realise just how much nicer and more pleasant the world was before this culture change.this is why you find so many racist people still around.they blame the african american culture for many,if not most of the negative changes.more crime,less disrespect.it's not a coor thing however,it's a culture thing.and it's true.when society was made up of a predominantly white culture,before rap and hip hop and before blacks were 'mingling' heaviy with whites(integration),life,as much as some people don't want to admit it,was really much much nicer and easier and people smiled at one another in social stuations.out shopping in the malls and grocery stores for example.people were outgoingly friendly then.when blacks began to integrate into the whiter parts of town and later ,rap,hip hop,gangsta music and social change and a different social lifestyle emerged among society,social friendliness changed completely...crime levels sky rocketed..violent crime,drug crime,all crime.its been this way since then.this is why so many people say they miss the old days.this usually means before the rap and hip hop days of ghetto integration into our society.while you might consider what i say as being racist,listen to your parents or anyone speak about what it was like in the 70's and 80's compared to today.especially te 80's.of course there will be a person here and there who hated ths decade but anyone raised then(a person in their 40's for example) can tell you what it ws like and the difference in then and today.sometimes the truth sounds racist but facts aren't racist.they're just facts.keep in mind this has to do with culture,not race.the color of people involved is merely consequential./the bottom line is that life was a happier time before 1994 and many wish they could return to earlier days because of it.but if you ask them why,they could easily be thought of as being racist so they don't say much in detail.
I feel extremely unsuited for this day and age ......my cultures differant and as anoughter person said its not adventurous at all theres to many rules and laws theres no freedom to live in the woods or to be happy without tyrant rulers such as obama and every government as a matter of fact .....at least a couple hundred years ago the governments where isolated and you had a choice to be ruled or not but now there are no more choices if your born into a poor family as of me then your fucked unless you pull some mark twain shit ......i dont know anyone that is like me or gets me im an outcast here and i know many of you feel the same way so i propose we all get into contact together so we can discover what we where ment to do because the gods would not put us here without a reason theres a reason for everything even if you dont believe in gods,god, or even the supernatural theres still reasons .....contact me at my email and we can come together and talk and get a group going and see where everything goes ....
hanschristophkubler@yahoo.com
I too believe I've been misplaced. I believe I should've been born a peasant girl in the Medieval times, in Europe. Instead I've been born a Upper-Middle class American teenage gal. When I read books on the subject and see relics from it, I can't help but cry. (even in History class... Its embassasing!) I think this "this is not my home, I belong there. I want to go home!" I found this thread because it's getting so bad, i'm so depressed over this fact, I've become suicial and I want to live- maybe. But not here!
>>91 don't be sad. If you grew up as a medieval peasant girl you probably would have died giving birth at 19 at the very latest, or else of the plague.
I too, like medieval stuff, but such senses come only for a lack of God in your lives, turn to Jesus.
Yes, in the past I also tought this wouldn't do a thing, I was wrong.
I also feel like im in the wrong time period. Even though i am a Muslim and i do not believe in reincarnation but i feel as if i was born in a different time, and i still belong there, as if i've left something behind. Nothing feels right for me at the moment, relationships, places etc, they are just not easy for me to deal with because i don't feel connected. And for some odd reason i'd rather be living as people did back in the ancient medievel times rather than now in this modern world. I seem to dislike and disagree with everything that goes on these days.
I wish I was born into the Victorian middle/upper class. I respect their attitudes and morals more, even if they were a bit over-the-top at times.
I have a really shameful confession to make. I'm a grown man who does not know how to look after himself. I cannot cook much, I am too weak and tired to exercise, and I am an emotional wreck. I've been in care multiple times because of issues growing up without support, now I am a grown man in the adult world. I don't know how to look after my body or my mind. I smell and I look disgusting. My life is a mess. I am always alone and have no friends at all. My father moved away when I was very young and I have been living by myself in shared or supported housing. Sometimes I am working, sometimes not.
I am wondering if I should go back to supported housing. I hate myself for it but what can I do? I barely have enough money to survive and my house is always cold. Even though I do not work always, I cannot relax and always have self-destructive thoughts in my head, and the stress of being by myself 24/7 causes chest pains, and my confidence goes even lower. The doctor always ignores me and maybe I think he thinks I am a wreck for good. I'm 30 and never had a girlfriend. I embarrass myself in public because I am very lonely. I hate how this has happened because I never wanted to be a useless person. Sometimes I look on the internet for help or local support groups but there is nothing (except for normal people who do not understand what it is to feel like this). People look at me like I am crazy, I am not a crazy man but I have been alone for many years and do not know what to do. It is very painful and I hate myself. I am always cussing at myself. I am not elderly, on drugs, a parent or anything, I am just The Pathetic man. Look at me everyone. Look at the grown up man who is always sick and can't look after himself.
I'm kind of the same, OP. I'm only 20, and my situation isn't as bad as yours, but I'm completely unable to take care of myself. I'm always afraid of everything, to the point that I can't leave the house or open my mail for fear something terrible will happen. Throughout my childhood my mother did everything for me, so I don't really know how to do basic things like talk to strangers and be responsible for anything. I've spent most of my life as a shut-in and I was pulled out of school in the 8th grade, so I have no social skills and I'm awful in school. I've been abandoned or betrayed by almost everyone I've ever trusted or cared about, so I have trouble trusting people and telling the truth about my problems as well.
I kind of have an excuse, I have schizoaffective disorder and severe OCD, but I still feel like I'm a complete failure and utterly useless. I really just want someone who will take care of me and make me feel safe again. I can't trust my own thoughts, so it would be nice if there was someone I could trust to tell me what to do with myself. I haven't been truly content with my life since I was 10. Even if I'm physically an adult, I'm still basically at the developmental level of a child.
What's wrong with you? What's your excuse? Where'd your life go wrong? Why don't you do anything about, well, anything at all?
Hi Pathetic Man, I can understand that you are enduring massive amounts of pain because of your self-hate and boredom, I have known similar circumstances. Let me suggest you a way out of your predicament:
What you need is to slowly change your lifestyle and acquire the proper skills to raise your autonomy and self-confidence. Just realize that you need to have very modest goals, take your time, and be deadly serious and consistent about it. It takes months of repeated practice for new habits to set in. What you need to do first is modify your daily routine into a more healthy and sustainable one. Stick to a strict timetable, the same whether you work or not (don't oversleep during the week ends). Give yourself enough time to sleep (something like 7 hours), so that by 23-24 you are in your bet with lights out, and that you get out of bed at 6-7, every single day of the week. To achieve this, you must cease any activity at 22h, so that you are calm enough to start sleeping at 23, for instance. It may take you a long time and effort to manage that routine, but you need to be very strict about it.
Get used to go out of your place three times a week for one to one hour and a half. You can stroll in your neighborhood, go around town, use a bycicle, whatever. Just do it systematically, and try to find the best times in your schedule to fit that activity. Once this habit is entrenched, you can start to use that time to jog, swim, whatever sports activity that suits you. But be certain to always move out of your place those three times a week, always at the same days, same hours. Be fanatical about that ritual.
OP here,
>>2
Hi, that is a sad story. But I'm not in the mentality that anyone should look after me. I am posting because I have real problems finding help about survival skills, but I'm beyond explaining myself as depressed or having a psychiatric label. And you're not at the development level of a child. Those are called psychopaths: Try to imagine living with someone who does not accept you exist.
>>3
I have no excuse, leave me alone.
>>4
Thank you for your advice. I'll try to follow it as best as I can. I don't want to be pathetic anymore so it's hopeful to have your help.
You might consider starting with rice. It's incredibly easy to make, tastes good, is good for you, inexpensive, and it can be used in a huge number of recipes. Brown rice will probably be a better choice to start with, as it's less expensive and is better for you than white rice. You might want to get beans or legumes of some sort as well, as they're a good, inexpensive source of protein that goes well with rice.
one small advice here, make mistakes, a lot of them, enjoy making mistakes, it's ok if you did not do something right from the first time, at least you did something and learned one way not-to-do-it, try to enjoy changing yourself instead of looking at it as challenge, and last, don't over-think anything, doing things is more important.
This weblog might help, http://zenhabits.net
>>5
Grown men with the developmental level of children are called 'autistics', actually.
This may sound superficial. But I think something you can do in the shortest term that will have the greatest effect is to make yourself presentable every day. This makes you feel decent about yourself and reduces the barriers you feel to going outdoors and interacting with others. Personally, if I have gotten properly dressed, that is all I require of myself in a day. Anything extra I do, I consider gravy.
Practically speaking ... Make sure you have a few clean, decent clothes. Wash your face and hands and brush your teeth twice every day. Shower, shave or trim your beard, and wash your hair at least every other day. Brush your hair and arrange it neatly. If you keep your hair short, get it trimmed at least every six weeks. If it's long, tie it neatly back in a ponytail.
More detail about having a few clean, decent clothes ... You need to do laundry once a week and have enough clean clothes to wear between laundry days. This means, eight pairs each of underwear and socks and eight T-shirts. You wear these all fresh every day. Plus three pairs of pants. You wear a fresh pair of pants every two or three days. Plus a comfortable pair of shoes. And if you live in a cold climate, a sweater and a coat. This doesn't have to be complicated. You can choose classics and multiples of the same item. All solid black T-shirts, bluejeans, black socks, and black sneakers would be fine.
>>4
>>6
>>7
>>9
Hello and thanks for your advice. It has taken me some time but I am now able to cook for myself, I am regularly exercising and grooming. I am able to take care of myself a lot better. This is a very big step for me and this is one of the first times I've had practical advice on how not to be pathetic. Living to a schedule is very hard though.
It's funny how I've noticed how everyone considers me as pathetic. Self-delusion is how I've coped with growing up. Everyone can see that too, and I was complicit in it, but didn't take it seriously. People are more than happy to watch me walk around in self-deceit. It's all become a big game. I spend my entire day looking at stupid self help articles or mental illness pages. How did it get to this stage? I might have been persuaded to have chosen to be pathetic, but it was still my choice. Now I've nothing to give. I don't even feel like a person. All I want to do is cry, but wouldn't that be selfish? I don't think I can even be selfish. How would I know if I'm even telling the truth? This has been going on all my life. It's just endless pretending. But I made myself this. Aren't I getting what I deserve, so why should I get to privilege to cry? I could have been anything but I blew it. I can't bare this.
I'm 17 and I'm too scared to sleep alone. Even though I have my own room I've been sleeping with my sibling's in their rooms ever since I was younger. My brother moved out a couple years ago and now my sister's planning to move out by the summer, so I have to get over this fear soon or else I don't know what I'm going to do, and I definately don't want to sleep in my parent's room.
It's ridiculous how scared I am. I'm too scared to even close my eyes while I wash my face, and some nights I get so scared I have to sleep in the same bed with someone else. I know it's all in my head and I've tried so hard to get over this, but I just can't.
I think this phobia started when I was about 4 or 5 years old. This girl who lived next door used to babysit me and sometimes she would lock me in a room by myself and leave a scary movie on. She would also tell me about all these different ghost stories and how my house was haunted. She would even have her friends put on different scary costumes and scare me. I have no idea why she did those things but it was fucked up and I hate her for doing it.
All I know is that I just want to not be scared anymore. My whole family teases me about and it really kills me inside. They all see me as a kid even though I'm turning 18 soon. Only a couple of my friends know about this but luckily they don't really think much of it. I don't know how I'm going to get on with my life if I'm scared of the dark. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this fear?
>>59
The only way to heal from fear of the dark is to dissociate the experience of darkness from the feeling of fear. For that to happen, you need to start being in the dark in conditions that do not raise fear in you. When I was a kid, I noted that darkness raised two kind of emotions in me: fear because of the possibility of some invisible threat, and a warm and comforting feeling from being enshrouded in total darkness and complete peace. This pleasurable darkness had a kind of motherly feeling, or of a feeling of refuge, like being in some personal cave hidden and preserved from the threats of the world. The threatening darkness was full of shadows and half-lights, the comforting darkness was so thick as to be like milk or velvet. So please realize that the total dark can also be comforting, because it provides a soothing calmness by preventing sensory overstimulation. Half dark on the other hand can be more frightening because shadows create fantastic shapes that are a springboard for an agitated imagination.
So in order to grow out of your fear of the dark, I suggest that you start by getting into complete darkness in the middle of the day. Use a room without windows, or then stay in your bed under some thick blanket. Learn to experience darkness as something pleasurable. You will soon realize that it works best when you close your eyes, because if you open them, you will gradually catch some speck of light that will disturb you. The comforting darkness is mostly internal, and external darkness only helps by supporting it. If there is too much light outside, you can't feel a pleasurable internal darkness. Once you learn to appreciate this milky/velvet darkness, you will realize that it's more the transition from light to dark that is disturbing, rather than light or dark.
And I thought I was the only one with this problem.
I'm 13 this year, and, yes, I'm afraid of being lonely at night. The funny thing is, I'm totally okay with my parents leaving me alone in the house when they go out. I'm alone at this very moment, because I have to go to school at around 12 and my parents are morning session teachers. I'm even happy when they leave me alone 'cause it means absolute freedom for me. Even in the night.
But I just can't seem to get the hang of sleeping alone. Even if I know my parents and my brother are just sleeping in the next room, the loneliness in my own room just freaks me out. When I lie down to sleep, the loneliness overtakes and I keep thinking about them. Believe me, I've tried twice and the result was always carrying my pillow and my blanket and bolster, crying, and heading for the other room. I don't really know why. Every time I turn off the night light in my room, I'm like, Ugh! Another useless effort! When will I get the hang of this?!
Sighs
But after I read all of this,it feels like there's really nothing to be scared of. Listening to music, praying for peace, reading, picturing a blissful, peaceful blue sky... Yep, I think I'm going to try again tonight. Wish me luck.
i am 12 and have the same problem! i really need some hel! it scares me so much when i have to try and sleep alone so much sometimes i actually start to cry! I just always think that somethin is going to happen to me and i know that my mum is just one room away but even that doesnt comfort me at night! i usually have to slepp with my mum but nw i need a bit of privacy and space when i sleep. i am going to try sleeping with my lamp on and my dogs beside me but i am so afraid thst somethign is going to happen to me. I cant go to sleepovers wither because i cant be away from home unless its at a family emebers house and i really want this to stop because it makes me feel stupid! if anyone can help me please answer! i need all the help i can get even if its just a small suggestion it will help me attack my growing fear! Thanks xxx
Many of your commentaries seem familiar to me, and regarding a certain comment that this post started years ago, that doesn't really matter to the many people who seek comfort or information regarding this very specific problem. People who don't suffer this situation, because it IS suffering, not being able to sleep and having these pangs of fear constantly opening your eyes, looking around to see if there is someone or something in your room with you, wakening at the slightest sound of scuffle or movement.
Now, I've tried many times to reason this fear. As always, I look toward our ancestors to see if this fear might have been imbedded into our genes for the sake of survival. Perhaps this fear has carried on from the days that our ancestors had real reason to fear the dark, because of the wild creatures and lack of vision that made us quite vulnerable prey at night. That is why we turn on the lights when we are scared, because the light is a reminder of fire, that element which saved us from the cold, the lack of vision, and any wild animals that might have "wandered into our cave".
Then again, this fear, to me and to others, comes in periods, or phases. For a month or so I am tormented, and sleep is precious and full of vivid dreams and nightmares which leave me tired during the daytime and completely change my sleeping schedule. For example, nowadays I'm going to bed at 5am, with an enormous difficulty, and I wake up at 11am.
this is becoz of your babysitter.......... if u r a boy just fuck that bitch..... fuck her hard.. n if ur a girl.... then offer this work as a gift to ur bro.... n tell her what she did wen u were young..... m sure ur bro knows whats best for her!!!
I also feel like im in the wrong time period. Even though i am a Muslim and i do not believe in reincarnation but i feel as if i was born in a different time, and i still belong there, as if i've left something behind. Nothing feels right for me at the moment, relationships, places etc, they are just not easy for me to deal with because i don't feel connected. And for some odd reason i'd rather be living as people did back in the ancient medievel times rather than now in this modern world. I seem to dislike and disagree with everything that goes on these days.
I'm 20 and I have the same problem... I've had some really bad experiences with ghosts and stuff in the past, I don't like to remember... Anyway, I don't know what is it that I'm scared of. Usually, I just start thinking of bad stuff (e.g.: scary or violent movies and pictures), get the distinctive feeling that there's something in the room with me and start shaking. It's sooooo bad... My parents also make fun of me, specially my mom. I have to sleep in the living room couch and my brother sleeps in the bigger couch, and still I think about this bad stuff. I don't know what to do... Many people say stuff like "keep a lamp turned on" or "listen to some music", but I can't, it reminds me of bad things that happened. I can say that the problem is not my bedroom, I can sleep in it during the day, but I'd like to beat this and move on. I can say that my biggest desire is to have a good night of sleep on my own, in my bedroom.
However, my father said something that helped me for a while:
You have to be afraid of who's alive, they can really harm you, ghosts can't. Hope it helps someone...
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