Thank you for reading.
I fear I've frigged up all of my life already.
I am a 20 year old white male currently living in San Diego. I have a nice one bedroom apartment 15 blocks from the beach. I have a nice job as a software developer. I take sailing lessons and have no material wants--my job pays well enough to more than satisfy my rather modest needs.
I'm depressed.
I'm all alone.
I don't know..
... what to do
I should be happy. My life is easy and always has been. I never worked hard or anything. I feel like a jackass for complaining because I know there are people who would kill to have what I have. People tell me I work hard, but I know in my heart that I slack off and do not operate at anywhere near my potential.
I think I might understand a little its easy to get depressed when everything is sort of given to you, life is easy and you don't have everything you want like a girlfriend. I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be but thats just sort of how a mind works. Its possible you don't want to move forward maybe you are afraid of something in your future. It's hard to say. I've found that if you attribute those feelings to something anything you'll feel a little better. It might be nothing more than deluding yourself but it can help in the short term. Like say you feel terrible tommorow just attribute it too say a rainy day and you're stuck inside or the food you ate last night was no good. Really though its something within yourself you need to realize its this fear of something and even if you feel bad about slacking off thats not the issue everyone slacks off and its ok. Just don't give up man life isn't all that bad you could run into that girl next week for all you know put on a good face for her whoever she is.
People always say tell me "if you're not happy alone then you're not good enough for a girl!". So I don't try very hard to meet females. I figure, if i can just make myself happy and well on my own, then i can meet a beautiful, kind girl who will brighten my days.
But i can't. I keep trying to find a passion, something that makes me happy. Sometimes i come close. Sometimes a class at college makes me really happy (I'm interning until January) or I find some new topic to read about or I start working on some software I'm rally excited about. But. At the end of the day I have no one to share my hopes and dreams and my excitement about everything that vie done in that day with!!
Thank you for your response. I will try to keep a positive outlook...
Oh look, this thread again.
Yeah, you just need some friends, kiddo. Humans are social creatures by nature blah blah blah you get the idea
Especially when they are typically in their 30s+, over weight, not attractive, and an uber-Christian looking for a "real man" and goes into the "no sex only" or "never have sex before marriage" shit. Oh, and be 6 feet tall! WTF!
And they almost never have a job and live at home with the parents.
Seriously...guys are expected to date these females?
i guess its because they know they arent going to get a guy, so they put on giant expectations, so it goes something like "its not my figure or status etc, its the guys the dont match my standards.
im not sure though i might wanna ask one of them cause im a guy.
For the same reason ugly pathetic men only want to date hot girls I suppose.
>>3 took the words right outta my mouth.
you got the literal short end of the genetic stick, sorry guy. hating on the women for being illogical isnt going to get you anywhere. protip: a shitty cynical attitude wont help you with your shortcomings.
Yes, it sucks that women are hard-wired to desire tall men.
But you could have it much worse...
I do not think that is the problem. Women are raised to dislike short men, period. It is hard to break that kind of conditioning if you are a single short guy, in your late 20s/early 30s, and have never had sex. And the older you get, the pool gets smaller and smaller and the women left fall into four groups:
As you can see, group 4 is the only viable option let that is the group that is most picky of a guy. Typically this group, while there are single, accumulated wealth and other niceties in life and have no problem being picky about what man they want.
Really. Its all I want yet no one seems to care enough to hug me. I haven't been hugged by someone in a few years. It seems like if I want a hug I have to start it myself. Is it that fucking hard to hug someone? I shower, and keep myself nice smelling.
Wear a sign that says "Hug Me!" LOL
my mom only hugs me for like two seconds only when im crying my eyes out because im scared of school.
OP come here.
give bear hug
Cheer up buddy.
I have a evil pe teacher and all the meanness inhad to endure last year gave me probably permanant anxiety problems.
a piece of advise, do good to everyone everyday 'coz in the end of the day you'll be hugged a thousand times more than what you wished for... whatcha think?
Go to any Japanese Related event. There will be weeboos or anime fans that are giving away free hugs. It'll be hollow but you get your hug.
This. You don't actually have to go into the convention. Theres usually enough stuff going on in the lobby areas. A lot of weaboos will have signs that say "free hugz" or something. Its hard to avoid them.
sex? age?
I relate.
I recently moved cross country to san diego. I am lonely. I have no close friends who I can be honest with. A drunk girl recently made a sexual pass at me but it only made me more depressed. Lonely.
I just want someone to hug me, to hold my hand. someone I like, someone who likes ME, who doesn't tease and attack.
I'd hug you, gay or straight, male or female, it'd be nice to hug someone who I could relate to and understand..
It's been years.
My years and years of hikikomoriness are almost over!
I have a job interview later in the week!
No more wishing I could do something with my life, now I can!
Good stuff. Hope things work out!
The interview was ace!
I think I finally have it this time, guys.
Today a job, tomorrow a car and then the next day my own apartment!
Awesome! Good for you, Anonymous
Congratulations! I hope things go well for you.
Okay, so the stereotype seems to be that the pretty girls are bitches, and all the girls with great personalities are ugly/fat.
However, over the years, I have actually encountered the opposite of this effect. This is quite a broad generalization to make, but it seems that all the fat/ugly girls I meet are the most irritating and annoying. They tend to be loud-mouthed, never shut up about things that nobody cares about, and just generally don't realize how much that everybody else hates them.
Or maybe they do. Maybe they've become this way because everybody does hate them. Maybe it's a reaction to how people treat them -- since people ignore or condescend to them because they are ugly/fat, maybe they counter it by being even more assertive and annoying, so that they will get more attention.
But whatever. I don't care. The point is that the only nice girls I meet are also pretty and cute, and most of the irritating bitches are fat. Go figure.
Fatness reflects of lot of bad personal characteristics. Lack of willpower, complacency, lack of interest in physical activities.
I reject your generalization in all situations where it could ever apply.
Hey a vag is a vag is avag.. even the sweetest vag has been places. don't ask. be grateful its your turn.
All women are fucking stupid, unless fatcells throttle braincells I don't think their weight matters.
I have found a lot of loud mouths to be just that a BOVINE.I guess it is their way of compensating for lack of looks.Funny thing is if they were not foul mouthed I would find them nicer to talk to than the arrogant narcissistic attention whores wearing those god forsaken stilettos.I find thick gals with shoes that are simple yet nice and clothes from Old Navy or Ross are real,unlike the fashion victim with a fat ass credit card bill evry month.Then you have the ocassional bovine that trys to dress in stilettos.She looks like someone strapped big black boats to her hoofs.I swear it is a comedy.I suppose the sales person was not honest enough to say"Face it honey your FAT and it just wont work.The Moo Moos are in the sports department now scurry along."They are afraid of getting there ass kicked.The fat spiked heel woman would hurt.I am sure that some guy is turned on and sweating by now.They like to pork the porkers.hah hah To each their own I guess.I bet it would be a lot more fun than a skinny crack head.I am so damn mean and that is all there is to it.I don't like crack whores skinny or fat. GOD BLESS US ALL
This is what I think about fat slobs that are bitches. They are so fucken annoying and love to do work on their labtops because they think their cool. Fuck bitches in general, but fat bitches are awful. Fuck bitches, get money peaaaaaaace
I recently have things for girls who talk loudly (like real loud when speaking normal conversation). I just find the characteristic very comforting, well maybe because I don't speak much too...
I have noticed the same trend... the fat ugly girls are super annoying and loud mouthed. It appears that it is some kind of psychological defense mechanism that they obtain.
I think the loud mouth has to do with culture more so than whether you are fat or not. LOL Case in point, Cubans are known to be loud when they speak. It doesn't matter whether one is thin, fat or what have you they will speak to a person as if he or she is twenty feet away. It's their way of including and inviting the whole block into the conversation. In the US, at least, most people prefer to keep A and B conversations, but most Cubans aren't like this... they make it into a A,B C, D,E,F and etc conversation. They believe the more the merrier. Of course, not all Cubans are like this, just most. I know this because I'm a Cuban living in a predominately Cuban city and I know when I or someone within the hood get really excited over a topic anyone who is in a thirty feet radius he or she will hear it. I also talk with my hands a lot. LOL I've also found out that most Italians are the same (again I'm not saying ALL of them, just MOST). They speak very loud and use their hands to communicate.
Again it has to be your up bringing and the culture you're living in. Most females and males, that I know of, who are fat (in my city)tend to be very polite and soft spoken, while people who are skinny tend to be boisterous, obnoxious and rude (always interrupts you). I'm guessing that due to these people being overweight they have big personalities to go along with their weight (no need to be obnoxious and loud). However, I can only say this from my own city. With that said, the generalization of the argument within this article is weak. Just because your neighborhood/city has these females who are overweight behaving obnoxious and rude don't mean the whole population of females who are overweight are like this. The article needs further investigation and exploration outside of the authors' own little world.
Some time ago I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, eventually manic depression and therefore a possible bipolar disorder. I have many delirious episodes in which I believe the wildest of things about myself or the world, and anything anyone tells me can be fuel to create gigantic stories involving myself, in which I firmly believe, and in them I am, most of the time, some sort of catalyst or guilty party or victim (like being an ex-special soldier that lost her memory or... Stupid cliché shit like that). It seems I am also obsessively analysing everyone and everything at all times... And I used to think this was normal.
There is no certainty in what disease I really have since I do have hallucinations and all that but I am capable of criticizing these things and eventually "relax" about them (ruling out schizophrenia)... Although they don't leave my thoughts, they slow down and I have control over myself again. My mind never really relaxes though, and I am more than tired lately. Tired enough to desire being dead.
I used to take anti-psychotics and they helped with relaxing these delusions but, they also made me very very depressed because they made me lose my ability to draw or find pleasure in things, I couldn't talk or even enjoy something funny.
I also constantly feel like I am being chased by someone I hurt in my past or something weird like that... I feel like that person is trying to take revenge on me by slowly doing to me the same thing I unknowingly did to him. This is the main storyline of my... Delusions and I sometimes think that this person is the one causing my illness.
First of all thanks for your replies and support, it feels really warm to have answers, specially like yours #6.
And yes #6, I've experimented different meds... Zyprexa and abilify are two of them, and currently, besides risperdal, prozac and depakine I am also talking another anti-psychotic to sleep: tercian. And I do have a deviantart and a flickr but I'm horrible with socializing and quite shy to reveal my true feelings... Which is what I need to do. I also pushed away most of my online friends due to paranoia...
I'm deeply disturbed by all this... There's nothing I can do but wait and be strong... And my patience isn't all that great.
And it's also just upsetting... People who say that they love me and then they can't make me feel love... Maybe I'm too demanding. Maybe I'm asking for a lot, I mean, asking someone to love a sick person is cruel... I suppose. And about my boyfriend... We're actually on a long distance relationship which is just... Horrible to my soul.
I have some plans to move out of my mother's house (divorced parents) and to go live with my boyfriend in a quiet town to the north where it's cold and damp. It would be nice. But my father is against it, he doesn't want me to move far away from him, he's afraid something will happen, but I know that there I would be safe and warm, in a new place where no one has seen me acting strange before, that is to say... Where I would have less reason to be paranoid. (I would also be able to have pets to keep me company and I would be studying to do exams of equivalence to high school, so it's not like it would be a waste of money).
I think it's important to get your condition firmly under control before you decide to make any drastic changes in your life eg moving.
I do think that being able to do the things you like is important to your treatment, so you should talk to your doctor (and your parents) to see if they have any recommendations for getting out more often.
Finally, a new medication took my hallucinations away.
I'm getting better.
<tears of joy>
^-^
However, I'm still always suspicious and paranoid... Ah well... But it's fine, I know I'll get better in due time... At least I'm not desperate anymore, could be worse/it's been worse.
I just wish I had someone to talk to, some new friends, some friends, people I could trust. I'm too lonely and bored.
tamarinarantan@gmail.com
Add me on msn or send me e-mails, let's be friends.
I can relate to your situation, for years I was diagnosed with schitzophrenia, bi-polar disorder, etc. I've had doctors drug me to the point where I would just lie around and even just piss and shit myself because I couldn't move.
They even went so far as to give me ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy) otherwise known as electic shock therapy. None of the meds or treatments seemed to help. While it took a while, what I did was take myself off of ALL of the different meds, and let them get out of your system. This will do 2 things.
Because often what happens is that a doc puts you on a med, then you tell the doc that you are feeling like x since starting that med, so instead of taking you off of that med, doctor adds y to the meds you are taking, then you talk to the doc again, you have these 2 different meds doing different things to your system, and so you tell the doc something else is happening, and he gives you z med.
>>14
First of all... That's disturbing to hear, some doctors go to some sick extremes with their prescriptions. But yeah, I've sort of been there too. I slept for 15 hours a day or more, at least 12 hours a day. I still sleep like that, only that I'm more energetic. But that's sad to hear, really sad.
And yeah... Feeling alive feels distant to me right now, my perception of reality is completely jammed and I have difficulty with doing nearly everything that requires some physical/mental activity on my part... Which contributes to my feelings of depression since I used to be a very active person, I can barely even draw since I re-started taking the anti-psychotics, there's just 0 inspiration in me right now.
But I'm not sure if that's a good idea right now, I know that you can stop taking meds and be good or kind of good but... When you do have hallucinations and paranoia such as I do right now you can't really stop taking them... You need them to lead a normal life and only them can help you.
Of course, I hope that in time I'll be able to stop taking them, I have stopped taking them before and I was mildly under control... It's just that things got out of hand once again. Though I'm getting better again and hopefully I'll be able to stop taking them meds soon I doubt I'll be perfect without them, I'll probably keep taking a small dosage just to keep things under control.
Growing up I used to have issues with delusions. Now I'm pretty drugged up and I have to say that life isn't exactly perfect. I feel tired all the time and can't find any interest in the things I used to enjoy. I spend my days in bed struggling to do something productive. If it helps, I can understand at least a little about how you must feel. I wish I could give a hug to help you.
I'm 17 and I'm too scared to sleep alone. Even though I have my own room I've been sleeping with my sibling's in their rooms ever since I was younger. My brother moved out a couple years ago and now my sister's planning to move out by the summer, so I have to get over this fear soon or else I don't know what I'm going to do, and I definately don't want to sleep in my parent's room.
It's ridiculous how scared I am. I'm too scared to even close my eyes while I wash my face, and some nights I get so scared I have to sleep in the same bed with someone else. I know it's all in my head and I've tried so hard to get over this, but I just can't.
I think this phobia started when I was about 4 or 5 years old. This girl who lived next door used to babysit me and sometimes she would lock me in a room by myself and leave a scary movie on. She would also tell me about all these different ghost stories and how my house was haunted. She would even have her friends put on different scary costumes and scare me. I have no idea why she did those things but it was fucked up and I hate her for doing it.
All I know is that I just want to not be scared anymore. My whole family teases me about and it really kills me inside. They all see me as a kid even though I'm turning 18 soon. Only a couple of my friends know about this but luckily they don't really think much of it. I don't know how I'm going to get on with my life if I'm scared of the dark. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this fear?
25 year old semi-hikki here. Parents' house is a huge old 5 BR house. The house is surrounded by huge trees, and squirrels run around on the roof and branches scrape across the outside walls which is terrifying at night. Lots of big ground floor windows, so it wouldn't be hard to break into.
Not a fun place to be at night when the parents are traveling. I keep a knife in the drawer and leave a nightlight on.
>>25
Get a guard dog, black dogs in particular are more intimidating to any would-be criminal, and as a hikki you'd have plenty of time to train it.
Even if you just got a companion dog it would probably help you feel a lot better.
Hey...
I have the same problem to.
And It's getting really annoying. It's tearing me up!
And I say to myself in my head "What am I scared of? I don't need to be scared!" And then when it's actually night time... I freak out... I'm 11 and my family teases me about it sometimes. I'm getting my own room when we move out and I don't feel so good about it. Sometimes I just listen to my mp3 in bed until I fall asleep... But remember, it's your house, nothing can hurt you. Don't let fear tear you up. Just say "What am I scared of? GOSH I'm almost 18! If something happens, something happens, but nothing will If I'm brave." Then just shut your eyes and pull the string, and let go and be scared! Just clear your mind... And think of how much fun your going to have tomorrow, or your crush or girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever... Just pull the string, man! Hope this helps for me and you! =/
What is ligdiment?
>>25 I'm surprised to hear that. Leafy suburbia / ruraldom is hardly the first place one would expect a need to be on their best guard. (Speaking at a hikki in similar circumstances).
Try using alcohol with systematic desensitization. You're likely to not give a shit if you're buzzed. It'll be like training wheels, and eventually you'll be able to do without.
Go ask mum if she'll let you sleep in her bed.
Honestly I am 16 and ever since I was 6 I can't sleep in a room alone. when I was at cheer camp I was in a room alone and i had to call my mom to read to me till I was asleep. the only way I can sleep in a room alone is if I am so tired that I pass out, I cry for hours till I am asleep, or it is the middle of the day.
I think it all has to do with some terrifying experience. When I was six and it all began I was at my brother's and they were watching ghost stories and they were showing the Ghost that killed people in their sleep in a hotel and he turned it off and Screamed REALLY loud. I have been scared ever since.
hope we can all find some kind of help.
Yeah my fear is just being alone... like I have a lock on my door, but I just think.. A lock isn't going to stop a ghost, and that's really what I'm scared of, ghosts and demons, since I've done Ouija Boards before and I've had terrifying experiences and I'm just scared that if I'm in my room alone and I close my eyes some demon is going to be in my room and possess me.. But yeah I still sleep with my mom, my parents are divorced so there's room in the bed for me, and that just worsens it because I know I don't HAVE to sleep in my bed, I can just stay in my own room. If you have any tips or anything that will help please reply..
I did it! I closed out my facebook, digg, and reddit accounts. Anyone else ever do the same
Guess what, it isn't worth it. I am sticking with the "chan" boards now. Am I tired of the spyware, adware, botware, fucked-in-the-ass ware and them selling my personal info for money.
Fuck 'em.
I made a facebook account a few days ago. I already fucking hate it, I never know what to write on my wall or on other peoples walls. I'm thinking about closing it.
>> 5
Agreed
i did too!
facebook is so superficial, the term "friends" has become meaningless because of it.
everyone should close their facebooks. BUMP.
Before anything I don't want you guys to think I'm dissing on my sister. She's a good person, we do have good moments. But some things she does are VERY irritating flaws and I merely come for advice on how to handle that properly.
My sister is pissing me off so much that my first thought would be to slap her. She's tested my patience so much she's gotten whacked before, but now I've been avoiding anything of that sort from happening.
[Swearing alert in post and it's long]
She is spoilt, she won't agree with it, but she gets people at home to do things for her. She won't even flick a switch if it's a few feet from her. And expects people to fetch stuff for her thought she she completely get them herself.
And there's times when she never eats the given dinner, she would want the exact thing that wasn't prepared that day.
If the dinner was, say Oatmeal; She would ask for chicken.
The best one-liner argument winner is by far "No you."
Don't say anything. Just be assertive of your rights, value yourself, your boundaries, etc, and get the hell out of there as soon as you can.
Don't indulge her, don't buy into her crap.
I can't say for sure, but I've dealt with people like this before, and it seems like she may have some traits of narcissistic personality disorder. Which means that she thinks she's better than you and will try to prove it by making you do things for her, and dominating you in arguments, etc.
So the best option is to be the better person and just not give in. She wants you to argue, she wants you to cave in. There is no way to win. Just by getting into an argument you have already lost, and I assure you that even if the prospect of you winning the argument arose she would do everything in her power to make sure you didn't, even changing the argument.
The best thing you can do is cut her out of your life to the greatest degree possible.
> And expects people to fetch stuff for her thought she she completely get them herself.
Don't do anything for her.
> And there's times when she never eats the given dinner
What do you care?
> I really want to slap her hard when she says that.
If you're siblings and under, say 16, and not too far apart in age.. go for it.
> I need to know how to make her shut up by saying something without any sparks flying.
teary eyes YES, i know how you're feeling!
Less conversation = Less arguement
In that example argument it sounds like you're the one asking for a fight. I don't believe your the victim here at all, you are just two jerkass dominant people doing what they do best, except you're potentially worse 'cause you get angry over petty taunts and even once resorted to violence. That's weak man.
You want to have the last word and so does she, my suggestion: quit trying to have the last word and walk away, you'll find it works wonders.
>seems like she may have some traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
YES, being a jerkass is now a diagnosable disorder and every man and his dog is potentially a sufferer. you heard it first here folks
>Which means that she thinks she's better than you and will try to prove it by making you do things for her, and dominating you in arguments, etc.
Oh really...
Ignoring works wonders.
Tie her up and tell her it is an attitude adjustment!
Penis cockin'. Heh heh. Now, listen to me. Next time she says 'uh huh' and 'sure whatever' to you, do this. Say 'there's not enough love in this family. We need to stick together' and walk over to her and hug her really hard, and don't let go for a whole minute, even if she shouts at you or something.
I'm serious. Do this, I want to see what would happen. Let us all know how things turn out.
Don't let her know what you feel. Telling her you can't take what she's doing is pretty much asking for mercy, and she's not gonna give it. The answer is to be a man. Don't react to her shit and ignore her in every case unless she directly confronts you. If she attempts to start an argument and you must argue, never argue inside the argument because that will only add fuel to the fire. For example, "Don't you have anything better to do?" "You're getting mad over something like that?" "I don't know how you're going to ever get ahead in life if you can't get over something like that." etc. but avoid being mean because the aim is to earn respect, not become a rival. Depriving her of your attention when she's being unreasonable will give her the hint. One last thing: Learn from trial and error. Know when the fight is coming up and use the chance to avoid it.
Crap, the linebreaks in my post didn't go through, so it ended up being a wall-of-text.
Hiya,
I decided to try to start this thread because I need help. I am both a shopaholic and a hoarder. While shopping malls are not my thing, flea markets/yard sales/thrift stores are. I just can't stop buying. It's not always the thrift stores, etc, in the past 2 months I bought 2 DSi's, a DSi XL, a Gameboy Advanced SP, a 32GB iPhone 4, about a dozen games for the Sega Genesis, 3 games for a Japanese Sega Saturn (Which I don't even have a machine that can PLAY the import games), I then went and ordered from Amazon.co.jp a Sega Saturn used from Japan, and I ordered an SD Card cartridge for the Sega Genesis so I can download games onto the card and be able to play them on my Genesis. Also, the one Genesis I have was in storage, but instead of going to my storage and picking it up, I bought another one at a flea market. Oh yeah, I also bought a Super NES and about half a dozen cartridges for that.
I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my wife and 2 children. There is ABSOLUTELY no room for this stuff, but I keep buying and buying. At home, (not counting the systems in storage), I have the Sega Genesis, X-Box 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, plus the 3 DSi's mentioned above, as well a regular DS, and the Gameboy Advanced SP.
Other things in my collection of useless stuff, a Tandy 1000HX which is under the bed in my room, a Razor electric scooter, a 49cc Moped (which I can't get started anymore, a rather large library of reference books on the Commodore 64 and Atari 8-bit computers.
My step dad used to be like this. He loved to roam around garage sales/flee markets and buy a bunch of stuff. He also loved to bring home useless junks. Like sometimes he would find a random rock and take it home saying how valuable it is. I’m sure you can imagine how awful our home looked back then. It was a complete mess.
Personal I think it’s a mental disease. And if you have the means, you should consult a professional.
A lot of the stuff you buy aren't that useless relatively. If you truly enjoy blowing your time on useless crap, learn to sell things when you get bored. I have this problem (albeit to a lesser extent) but I don't view it as one.
But yes, getting help as well wouldn't be a bad idea.