I feel like I don't belong here. Like I was born in the wrong era. People around me are on a different wavelength. I feel like I was supposed to be somewhere else doing something else living a different life.
Yep, same shit.
>The decline of human interaction
I agree with this, I feel like most of the people I interact with are emotionally stunted in some way. Probably because a growing proportion of human contact now is over the internet, which disconnects people from others, or at least makes it easier to ignore how you might affect them.
I used to think that this "glorious future" is going someday reach me. No matter how much I rise and improve it doesn't seem to come.
Once believed that I was actually born in the wrong era and being born 30 years earlier might have been a happier and more well ajusted person.
But no, something is fucked up with me personally in any time to be born in
Well, that's right because you are still a teen.
Well I'm a programmer by trade, but I don't really like what modern computing has become. Things seemed more exciting in the 80's, with a thriving ecosystem of different computer architectures. It was especially nice here in France (and rest of Europe), because there wasn't any kind of "video game crash" event that allowed the market to consolidate into the hands of only a few players. Instead, in the mid-to-late 80's we had ZX Spectrum machines coexisting with Apple II's, Amstrad CPC's, Atari ST, Amiga, IBM PC and clones, various french stuff, and even MSX machines.
But now, just like everywhere else, it's just PC clones everywhere. There is really nothing cool or exciting on the horizon, and never anything revolutionary like the Amiga.
I've used Linux, and BSD (and still do) but even that doesn't satisfy me. The systems keep getting more complex and bloated every year. Web browsers of course are totally ridiculous now. The standards are also over-complicated. Instead of simple serial and parallel ports (which are very easy to program and write drivers for), we now how this USB monster that I'm positive nobody has ever written a bug-free implementation. Besides that, a lot of modern hardware is difficult to write drivers for in general. So even if you were to try and write your own OS (as the TempleOS guy has attempted), it would be an impossible task to make it run on anything but VMWare or other virtual machine.
>>28 I'm 15 and feel the exact same! I belong somewhere in the 20th century, preferably early to mid. I thought the same but since I was a toddler I had memories from that time.
I feel deprived of the future.
When I was a kid, I would see movies and stuff with dial-up modems and outdated mobile phones, people using Windows 95 computers and older kids playing with game-boys. To me, that's what I would have when I grew up. I was going to be a teenager one day, and I would have a pentium laptop or an iBook with a cable to get online, a Game Boy Color, etc.
Even now from time to time, I'll go through some 90s computing stuff and it still feels fundamentally like the future that was being promised to me, like it's still going to arrive one day. I habitually buy random 90s game consoles and some old computers because of this, but they never achieve that important feeling of it actually being real because that's not the time I'm living in, and modern websites don't work on old hardware most of the time.
Even more rationally, when I look at political history there are so many instances where I get the most horrible feeling that we went wrong, we took the wrong route and it doomed us. These are all very boring though. In summary, it feels governments have surrendered their primary economic powers to improve the well-being of the majority of people, trivializing politics and leaving us heading down a very scary path. Throw in the growing spectre of surveillance and things start to look very nasty.
I’m 28 now but when I was 9 my older brother started touching me while I was sleeping, masturbated me and rub his penis in my ass.
I suddenly changed personality, from an extroverted kid to a very introverted one, always in my room, no friends, almost all my puberty depressed, I tried to never mention his name again, just call him "the other one" (I have another brother) and trying to keep always an eye on my little sister, worry about he will try the same with her.
I don’t know if it was not obvious for my parents the change in personality and my strong reluctance to be in the same place with him, now I know these and other behaviors I had then, are clearly a sign of child sexual abuse, but my parents are catholic (we live in South America) and they had an excellent relation with their families, so, they would never thought in something like this.
My dad change, for him been a good brother is very important and he never understood why I start hating my older brother. Why always when he talked something about him, I did faces, and why I transformed in a crybaby loner.
My mom for the other side interpreted this as a behavior- adolescence issue and start overprotecting me even more. Cause I didn’t have a social life and was very quit she always put me like an example of discipline, academically and at home, and we - my mom and I- formed a strong relationship that all the others- included my dad and sister- feel alienated from it.
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I'm 15. My brother is 16 and he comes in my room at night most nights. He saw a video of me going down on 3 guys at a party. He thinks I'm a Slut. First time he did it I cried while he squeezed my ass and jerked off. He's never fucked me But he will say shit like I'm so glad my sister is a Slut. I'm going to Fuck you. Your so got. All the boys say you love to get fucked. He's never tried but now when he does it I get wet and I've Evan touched my self. I don't like feeling this way. I should be disgusted that my brothers hands are feeling up my tits and ass. How can I keep him from making me Fuck him
Avery Morrow is a disqusting homosexual neofacist pedophile who needs to die. We must find Avery Morrow and brutally murder him. Avery Morrow's long flacid penis curves around into his anus and through his mouth into 0037's butt. He violently thrusts the flacid object through his mouth and into the ass of 0037. 0037 moans with joy. Avery Morrow has 10000 orgasms with force, filling 0037's colon with 2000 gallons of semen and dried smegma.The force of the orgasms makes Avery Morrow's penis turn erect, fracturing due to it's impossible curves. The force of his exploding penis blasts him backwards 10000000000km into the past. Suddenly 1000000000000000000000 shotas fall from the sky and he can't resists and fill them with cum and is assraped 10000 times in prison. His anus prolapses forever and he is always leaking shit. He was a basqu3 niggir the whole time the end.
I'll try to keep this simple since I'm posting from a phone and if I tried to cover everything it would be a book. But I'm 34 yr. Old mal and when I was 6 or 7 I think I was molested by my brother. The reason I said think is it's a big deal and I've always worried if I just came out with it I don't want to ruin his life just because I had a vivid dream and began to think it was real. The first time I talked about it was with a really good freind and I was scared to tell him but fortunately I had really good friends and he kept the secert and shared a similar story with me. I told him it might had been a dream and I wasn't sure. He asked how old was I when I stareted to think about it I told him immediately after within days. He told me it happened because I was too young to come up with that on my own and that made since to me. I started to think more about it and around the same time he tried to sodomize me we watched this movie severaltimes called the accused where a guy or a few i can't remember forcibly sodimize this girl. So I started to think I could have got it there. I mean he didn't penetrate me though So I brought up this movie to my brother and he said he didn't remember it. I let it go. The next time we saw each other he said he watched it and he didn't remember it. He then said he wasn't saying I was lyeing but he didn't remember it. At least I got that. But I come back tl that he also abused me. When I was in about 3rd grade w lady came to my school and talked to my entire grade about abuse I thought about telling her the whole hour and was sacred but I stayed back after everyone had left. I told her my brother had been abusing me. She wanted and example and I told her that my brother would sit on my chest with my arms under his sheens and tap on my chest with two fingrs.she asked how old my brother was I didn't know so she settled with that. He is 7 yrs older than me. She explained to me sometimes old brothers picked on younger brothers. And asked did he do anything else I told her that if I screamed he would cover my mouth. I didn't say this but I usually started hyperventilating. I did tell her that he would tell me to breathe out my nose anr as soon as I did he would jam his fingers up blocking my nose so I couldn't breath back in. She lead me back to that's big brothers several times and then asked if I thought that could b it. I started to back peddled I was scared. I didnt get to the wet towls over the face or when he hit me in the temple and I got a blood blister aittle bit smaller then a ping pong ball cig burns. I never got mad at him it just made me sad I oftten times tried hummor to defuse It which worked some when the temple thing asked me he beged me not to tell dad because he would kick the shit out of him. I didn't say anything thats another thing my father was abused and he hit my brother so the males in my family had anger issues I understood this really young. I hope that's enough to give some perspective. Also they put me in special education specifically for behavior reasons " excessive talking. I was always trying to make freinds.
(Continued) But after being in special education my whole education it effected my education. None of this was relized at the time. My brother and I wss at his aptment when I was 12. And my dad kept tring to page me I seemed annoyed my brother said I shouldn't act like that. Whenever he called the house my father just past the phone to my mom that dad hated him I told him that dad didn't hate him I thought it was guilt. I talked to my dad and after that my brother asked if I said something to him because out of nowhere he asked how he was the last time he called. I told him I hadn't said anything. I am surprised I understood relationships so young. So at about 25 I started reaching out to my siblings I was depressed and my night terrors and sleep apnea returned I had to explain to my brother what the terror thing was. They just stopped answering after that. started thinking of suicide and two years after that I turned to herrion right after that I purposely od. they dont know but my parents had to give me cpr for about 3 mins to bring me back. I talked to my parents and told them about the depression and heroin. Now im clean but none of it matters im a recovered heroin addict and if I went to my brothers and sisters well I hate to say but shadenfreuden. I haven't talked to my brother and sisters in a little over 6 years. That night terrors and overwhelming feeling of despair is why. I choose not to have kids even though I know I would never let them be harmed I'm extremely emotional. Like cry at cartoons and commercials emotional so they Would probably get messed up one way or another.
fucking sick brothers mine has lung cancer and i hope he dies for what he did to me 😁
i use to touch my cousins breasts and vagina, rub my dick with her ass. It gives me pleasure sometimes she shake a bit but most of the time she dont. what should i do?
let me indulge in your problems, im here to listen and i want to help you guys out, unfortunately not directly, but with a project.
Won't tell you anything, because of reasons.
There is no welfare in my country so I live in fear.
I am sick and tired of it.
I've been thinking about becoming a monk at the Buddhist temple near me. It would mean that I could continue to behave the way I do, except without the stimulus from computers.
I'm just worried that I won't be able to overcome the discomfort of living life without the luxuries I have now.
But what else can I do?
Work is a terrible thing.
Protect yourself and ensure you stay away from work, it leads to stresses and unnatural diseases like cancer and sleeping problems
This is going to be really lame: A while ago I made a small post criticizing sjws. (I think you know what I'm talking about) While I have no problem with LGBTQ people and rights in general and don't tolerate racists. A friend decided to take it upon themselves to take it personally and seems somewhat avoidant with discussing this issue. One of their reasons for avoiding me was that they get stepped on in public for being "who they are".
This seemed unfair as I did not personally address the person, nor did I associate them as an insufferable keyboard warrior. I've been stepped on in public as well back when I used to grow my hair out. But I think the person had been hasty and has suddenly deemed me as one of those people who wronged them and stepped on them in public.
They made some passive aggressive posts for a bit and they apparently can't seem to differentiate between a reasonable person who just happens to stands for genuine "social justice" issues (However you define that) from the sort of people who make attempts at getting offended at everything, not listening to differing viewpoints/criticism, and just mirroring the same sort of bigoted behaviour which they said they are against.
I wasn't sure if I should point this sort of bullshit out to them. I think it's something that they should know. It's been a few weeks. Or should I just dismiss them as a lost cause? I don't expect to be friends with them again. (So maybe there's nothing to lose) It's been bothering me for a while. But it's something that I need to get off my chest since I've been thinking about this a lot. Thanks for your time.
Explain to them what their behavior looks like to a neutral outside observer. They'll either hate you and get angry, or they'll get it and change their ways.
Ultimately all humans have an ego problem, and unless someone else points out our errors (whatever those may be), it's difficult to change.
You "don't tolerate racists?" You "have no problem with LGBTQ people?" You're here posting passive-aggressive crap about someone else who's apparently got more revolutionary zeal than you?
Look in the mirror. You're the SJW. And please, please spare us further posts about your SJW-vs-SJW passive-aggressive cripplefight.
You "drink water"? You "eat food"? You're here posting passive-aggressive crap about some other anonymous who's apparently got more revolutionary zeal than you?
Look into the argument. You're using a pretty bad one. Please spare us form them.
Fuck it man, tell them what you think.
I'm in love with my sister. She got the good genes. Nice, eat to get along with, and pretty. I'm short, thin, and ugly and terrible with people.
She's the only pretty girl I've got to kiss. She's 16. I think she cuddles with me out of pity. I'm 21 live at home and have never had a gf.
She will sit next to me on the couch, and snuggle with me when we watch Prison break. I'm so glad it started again. I missed holding her, one of the few shows we watched togather and i get to spend time with her.
She will kiss me on the cheek sometimes too. I cherish this moment and i hold her close. i probably come off like a huge desperate faggot. Once in a while when it's cold she will come to my bed and snuggle with me. I will hold her, and be happy.
A few times I felt her up, when she was sleeping for hours. I'd wait silently till she was completely asleep. Then i'd push her over onto her stomach from her side, and hump her ass slowly. I also have put my dick on her tits too. But I felt bad after doing this and stopped. I dream about her being my wife too much. Like 3 times a week.
incest is best! put your sister to the test!
Well, my older brother is 16 and I'm fourteen so I'm not much younger than your sister. From my point of veiw, I have complete and utter trust in my brother and I would feel very sad if he did that stuff to me. I would probably be ashamed and not see him for a very very long time or never. Also, if my brother told me he felt that way about me I would probably not go out with him. I have only sibling love for him. I wouldn't hate him for it at all, it probably wouldn't be akward and nothing would change. I do sleep in his bed with him when I have bad dreams tho, or my insomnia kicks in. Anyways, you're sister would probably be shocked because she thinks you are gay. No offense but thats how you're living circumstances sound to me. As a little sister representative, we all crave that affection we can only get from older brothers, however, crossing that line will leave us confused and unable to understand.
Sorry to go off topic, but this thread is so interesting. You can see how over the months 4-chs userbase has shifted from open-minded, friendly, smart people to UR SO SICK LOLo-O.
As for my advice, go for it. At least tell her how you feel and get it off your chest, but I advise you to stop touching her in her sleep. Not only is it illegal, but it could seriously hurt your chances with her. Good luck!
>>43 So you don't think it's weird in the slightest?
I think it's annoying, that even thinking the way you do isn't punishable by execution....
It isn't open minded it's sick-minded
It isn't friendly it's egotistical partiality to ones own preferences, no matter if they are rancid
It isn't smart, it's in fact the exact opposite. That you suggest otherwise illustrates, either what a brilliant troll, or what a twisted fuck you are. And here I am expecting you to be intelligent, it makes me want to twist your fucking head clean of your body.
It isn't really that this is about incest, it's more generally about you being so ignorant and hostile of healthy moral codes instituted for the good of humanity. And on top of that being disgustingly cocky about it.
...sorry to go off topic.
Look, the real problem is your isolation and your inability to interact with others. If the only place where you feel safe is your own home, then of course you limit your dating experience to the one attractive female in that place. But that's lame.
The way you describe yourself smacks of self-hating. THAT's the shit you gotta quit. And the nasty shit you say you do to your sis only promotes that, so cut that out too.
Start thinking of the idea that you could be better than this. Start thinking that someeone out there could love you NOT out of pity or out of family love but bc you're worthy of being loved. It is POSSIBLE. You'll have to work at it - but being lazy is a bad reason to have a shitty life.
sage. Stop fucking bumping this you faggots, it's a troll, and has been for the past few fucking months.
ramadol has two different actions in the body. It is an opioid analgesic, which means that it attaches to receptors in your brain to change your perception of pain.
Talk about shit that tears you up and discuss it with everyone. This is not a fucking circlejerk, and no unrepentant scum stains are welcome. Speak here if you are sexually attracted to underage people and honestly want to break down the issues and shit. I'm out of that crap (believe it or not) and I want to share my struggle with other people.
This is an anonymous therapy session. But not weak ass excuses.
go to bed chris
So...Hi. My name is Emily. I'm 16.
This new girl moved into our neighborhood, and we've been sort of seeing each other. I think I love her. I used to have a boyfriend but with him it just felt...wrong. His skin was too dry and he was too messy and just...not like a girl. But with Courtney(thats her name) it feels right, and different.
This is the part that scares me. She wants to come out. She wants to be in a 'real relationship' but I can't. My parents are so...perfect? They're strict Catholics and I have an older sister who is so caught up in solving math problems she doesn't notice that I hardly sleep at night. I know my parents would never understand. They'd send me to live in Iowa or something.
I don't want to be gay, but I don't know what to do. I was in love with a girl before, but it would never have worked out.
I really need some advice. I have no idea how to deal with this.
Chris, who posted above, is a solid resource from an excellent organization. I would be happy to put you in touch & show you how you can verify their authenticity before you trust them. Again, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Emily, what's the name of the camp in question? They vary from "mostly just inconvenient" to "the thing of nightmares," if you give us a name we can do some digging and find out just how much you should be willing to sacrifice to avoid being sent there. If in doubt, err on the side of caution, which in this case means staying as far away from Utah-based homosexual "cure" camps as possible. They tend to lean towards the nightmare side of things and it will cause permanent psychological damage to you if it does. Yes, you can recover from these camps to the point where you can move on and be happy with your life, but it will leave permanent scars.
I'm trying not to scare you, because it's important to stay calm and rational and make your own choices instead of acting on blind faith in strangers from the internet due to panic, but it really is important you understand the stakes here.
A few suggestions.
First, a lot of people have provided links to organizations that might be able to protect you. If they can, this would be, by far, the most preferable option. It's low-risk and socially sanctioned, which will probably make an eventual reconciliation with your parents much easier if you decide you want one.
I wanted to say, don't be afraid of Utah as a place to start over if you need to get away once you're there/can't get away before then. It has the deserved Mormon reputation, but as a result the gay community is extremely loving, accepting, and tight-knit. I recently moved away so I can't really give you any further advice than that and can't offer you a place to stay, but I'm on your side. We're all on your side. I've been in your position before and remember; your parents love you, and they don't understand. This is a horrible, knee-jerk reaction born of ignorance. It's awful, but it's going to be okay. I swear it gets better. Message me if you need somebody to talk to, but I definitely advise going to reddit (r/lgbt or r/ainbow) as a source of help and advice.
Oh crap I am worried about her.
I'm worried about her, too. She has not contacted me yet.
So, that is normal, is bisexuality. I was 15 years old when I fell inlove with a girl. And my thoughts was like "Wtf, I am inlove with a girl, that is wreid"
I had alot of hours of thinking about it, and understood, that this girl is too important to me. I told to her about my feelings, and we were together.
Bisexuality - is not terrible thing. You just love a person. Person, which understand you and you don't feel empty.
So, what about parents, just don't tell to them. They may not understand that. Just live with your feelings.
I'm 25 years old living in taiwan at the moment, Over the years i've experienced shitloads of things. When i was 16 i went through major depression till i was 18, people at school often mocked me either for my fat (i was pretty chubby back then) or just cos i was too nice, during those two years i've attempted suicide twice but failed. A Old close/best friend of mine saved me back then and inspired me to keep living and work hard. I've met girls who tried to take advantage of me because i was being too nice, i end up getting hurt my self many times in the past. I lost one of my really important/close/best friends in the past during the same time my parents got divorced also during the time my first girlfriend cheated on me. after my parents divorce and gf cheating i fell back into a deep anxiety that whenever im sleeping i feel like im getting chocked. There was one night that the anxiety was so bad i had to go to hospital at 2AM cos i was unable to breathe. The chocking lasted for about 6 months till i started to get better. Music has always been my passion, I've managed to release my own EP on iTUNES and MV in the last 4 years but my father has always been trying to get me to stop and never really supported me in my music. During my 4 years doing music i've met many people who pretended they wanted to help me out, but end up just using me. People who knew i was doing music always wanted to know if i know any celebrity (i've met some during my music years) and wanted me to introduce to them. I also met girls who pretended to be nice to me so that i would like them and be their bitch and do whatever they wanted me to do. I've even met a girl who wanted to be famous that she got close to me and when she started to get popular, she threw me out as if i was a battery that ran out of electricity.
can I listen to some of your music?
> fag noun (YOUNG BOY)
> › [C] UK old-fashioned (at some large British private schools) a younger boy who has to do jobs for an older boy
> If a younger boy fags for an older boy at a British private school, he does jobs for him.
> can't be fagged
Did you move to Taiwan to start life over? How have you found it to work for you?
I know this thread is a couple months old so OP might not be checking it, but I can relate to the fundamental sentiment being posted here that all people are inherently bad.
It sounds like you've went through some shit, but it also sounds like you've accomplished some good things, too. You may not feel it at the moment, but getting your music out there really is an achievement, and your average everyday person will never do something like that. Sure, people will try to use you to get ahead, but you can't judge your accomplishments by that. Try to look at it from the perspective of the self, instead: you set out to do something, you committed to it, you saw it to completion, and you released it to the public. That's an accomplishment, no matter how many people download it.
And on top of that, you're living in Taiwan. Your post insinuates that you are from a Western country, so I don't think you need me to tell you how big of a deal it is to make a move like that, especially considering the fact that most people stay in their hometown all their lives, or at most only move a couple hours away.
>>5 well two months ago i went back to Australia for a month, apparently that helped me a lot. i think it might be because i was in taiwan for too long and prob just miss my hometown (forgot to mention i grew up in Australia). I think its just the culture in Taiwan is so different that people often judge me thinking Im taiwanese and expect me to know certain things.
I had a thought about all the things i've accomplished and i feel a lot better, like you said the average person will never do something like that.
Going back to Australia made me feel a lot better was people back in Australia are a lot nicer compare to Taiwan. I think the problem i had was i couldn't let go of the past especially the people who made me go through shit, I just told my self i had to let it go and after it was pretty much all good now. plus i think working helps a lot as it gets your mind off things
How do you fail at suicide? It seems to me you have to be either retarded or an edgy fag who actually wanted to live to do that.
Not OP here, but it's pretty common for people to fail. They'll take a bunch of pills or some drug and think it will kill them, but instead they end up passed-out and found by someone who brings them to the hospital. Not a pleasant experience in any case. I imagine it would be like the worst headache you ever had, combined with worst hangover, and multiplied by a unknown number...
You have to remember: the people doing this aren't (usually) acting rationally. It's no surprise that they fail. In a lot of cases, there is an overwhelming emotional or brain chemistry problem. Ironically, if you fix that, the suicide thoughts go away...
Browsing through various hiki-related threads here, there seems to be a split between hikis who exclusively leech off parents, and those who do have jobs or school but still call themselves hiki.
I'm curious about this because my personal life is very hiki-like and yet I have a full-time job. For a few years I was totally hikikomori without any employment, but through a stroke of luck I finally did get a job which let me fully support myself. Even after two years though, I have no life outside of work. All my friends and social contacts slipped away during the years I was locked inside my apt as an unemployed recluse, and I haven't made any new friends even after I started working. I thought after starting work again my life would return to normal but it hasn't as I'm still drowning under this inexplicable apathy and no longer care about hobbies I used to have. If not apathy then I feel irrational fear and anxiety. When not working I browse the web or watch online videos and don't go outside unless I need to. I feel like "real" life is slipping further and further away with each wasted day, and yet I can't seem to stop it. And I fear that if I lose this job (it's a bad recession after all) I will slip back into full hiki-mode and never be able to crawl back out.
I remember reading that all hikikomoris are by definition also NEETs (but not vice versa), and yet my life seems to have many attributes of hikikomori (abnormal social isolation, afraid to leave apt, etc). Does anyone have a similar story?
Hit reply too fast... anyway, what I meant to say was that I am not really socializing much more when I do go out. Being lonely by myself in my room, or being lonely while surrounded by people, both of them can be tough.
The first (being a real hikki) is easy on one hand, as you don't have to be constantly worrying about how you act, what others think of you. But you slowly rot away from the inside, the constant feeling of knowing that you can't keep it up forever.
The second (being lonely, but having a job or an education) can be hard because it feels like you are constantly being gnawed away at by insecurities, having to conform to society. But at least you are trying to survive, that does give yourself a certain sense of pride and hope.
I think I'm doing what many people are, which is switching between the two when it gets too hard...
Fellow former hiki here.
What if you don't want to 'recover'? I have absolutely no interest in the real world. The only reason why I leave my room is because circumstances force me to.
only if you work entirely online
I think it's stupid when people argue that you can't be a real recluse if you've got a job. Ostracisation is a state of mind. When I was in college I certainly didn't feel any more outgoing for it - if anything, it was the only place I could get a feel for my own alienation. Being outside of your comfort zone makes you realise how small your self-constructed world really is - if you're stuck at home all day, browsing the internet, there's no such wake up call. You can be a emperor-without-clothes all day without reprimand, for better or worse.
As somebody who spent 7 years as a defined hikikomori; that is, zero friends, lived alone through government assistance, and no job - I don't believe you can be considered one if you maintain employment. A hikikomori is defined (cultural aspects aside) as someone who cannot cope with society and so they withdraw. However, the moment you obtain a job you have something in your life you must oblige to, as opposed to sitting alone, inside, not communicating with anybody real, you do go out.
While you can maintain a lifestyle of solitude through not having friends or partaking in lonesome activities, you are now more of an introvert, nothing more. Unless their is still some medical issue at hand, such as agoraphobia of something, you're not really a hikikomori unless you're giving into solitude at your own free will, and avoiding everything that comes with the real world, like a job, friends, school etc etc.
i have a full time job....but i can make my hours and choose to work at night so i dont have to see people. im a welder. so i dont need to interact with people at work. if i didnt need to support myself i wouldnt leave home. i dont like people. they scare me. they make me uncomferatuble and uneasy. i never know what to say and always feel like an idiot when i say something. when i get home i get strate inside and stay inside. my windows are always coverd and i never answer the door and dont even have a cell phone anymore. all i need is my pc and my anime. i dont like the outside world. its done nothing but cause me discomfort. im better off in my house locked up. and i hate the fact that i have to ever leave. i wish i had lots of money so i didnt have to leave. so besides the fact i do leave my house to get money so i can buy anime and games and food i do consider myself an american Hikikomori. i may be wrong but thats how i see myself and im hapy with it. i v always been shut in and untill i moved to a town in the sticks it was alot harder to live and be comferatble like i am now.
if anyone has a response to what i said or if i can even call myself a Hikikomori email me at email@example.com
This. IMO truly self-sufficient hikkis tend to make ends meet, without leeching off parents/society. Mostly IT or investing.
It's probably silly pride thing, but I'd rather die alone without being burden to anyone, rather in momma's basement...
Indeed. Though I'd not call it 'cope' - in my case it's simpler than that, if not subtle - social bonds, like everything in life, have their highs and lows. The end result is zero, so what's the point. The meaning of life is perpetuation of species, persuading happiness is always temporary. That's how I perceive humans to be wired.
As for the basic instinct to seek human bonds, I think it works like with wolves - either you're in the pack, or not, whichever works for you.
OP here. It's been over six years since I made this post originally. I've been out of work for 4 years and on disability. I haven't spoken to my parents or any other family face-to-face since last Christmas. I have made the decision to kill myself via hanging tomorrow morning.
Goodbye, cruel world.
(I fucked the first thread, someone please delete that.)
I've had no real memories of happiness, as far as I can recall. My first memory was of my mother dragging me in pyjamas, barefoot, across the city to show me the place where my father was having sex with his lover. I recall my mother telling e and my little sister to call dad to her new lover of the week after they divorced. I remember my mother teaching me to distrust everyone else but herself. I remember learning too well; I learned to distrust everybody, including my mother and my little sister.
I was bullied until I was 14. I would end crying mos of the time. My mother would ask me why I was crying, then she would hit me for not telling her why, and then again for not stop crying.
My father tried to choke us out of her by sending her a little money as possible. We had to move over twenty times because we were not able to pay the rent.
I eventually stopped crying for a while.
Still, my sister would try to find everything she could about me, so she could tell my mother, and gain a little recognition on her eyes. She was starving for affection, and if that included sacrificing her brother for it, so be it.
Eventually my mother married the first man stupid enough to fall for her. They had a child, ad he grew to become a psycho. He has tried to poison me twice.
I think I was almost happy when I had my first girlfriend. We were fourteen, and to her was the only one who would listen. To me, she was the only one who I could trust, and love. When I ound out she was bulimic, it became a hell for me, since I was afraid to lose her everyday.
Start running. Run like hell. Run until you cannot run anymore. It'll numb the pain.
you made plenty with what you had
if you wanted to you could do it again
My father died of AIDS related health issues almost two months ago, no wonder given his lifestyle. I felt nothing. As usual.
I was unable to find a job as a teacher this year.I didn't try very hard, since I dn't think I could have made a good job as a teacher in this metal state of utter apathy. I was thinking of trying suicide, but my siblings (I'm the eldest of seven) are already quite shocked with my father's death.
The rest of my family have taken every chance to use his death as an excuse to be drama queens and play the high-school alpha bitch.
I got a cat. She is happy to see me. I like petting her, but that's it. I guess she must be quite the happy cat.
you're not op
What kind of things do you like to do?
I could list things I used to enjoy doing. But, I don't enjoy those things any-more. My MGS4 last save is from 2013. I don't play any-more. I don't watch films any-more.
My family has taken the drama-queenery to a new level, and there are feuds including friends of theirs. It is insanely stupid.
I have been unable to visit my youngest brother because of those idiotic quarrels.
The cat seems happier than ever. All she needs is food and company.
Sometimes I wish I could be a cat.
Or just live a cat-like life without worries, that'd be nice.