(I fucked the first thread, someone please delete that.)
I've had no real memories of happiness, as far as I can recall. My first memory was of my mother dragging me in pyjamas, barefoot, across the city to show me the place where my father was having sex with his lover. I recall my mother telling e and my little sister to call dad to her new lover of the week after they divorced. I remember my mother teaching me to distrust everyone else but herself. I remember learning too well; I learned to distrust everybody, including my mother and my little sister.
I was bullied until I was 14. I would end crying mos of the time. My mother would ask me why I was crying, then she would hit me for not telling her why, and then again for not stop crying.
My father tried to choke us out of her by sending her a little money as possible. We had to move over twenty times because we were not able to pay the rent.
I eventually stopped crying for a while.
Still, my sister would try to find everything she could about me, so she could tell my mother, and gain a little recognition on her eyes. She was starving for affection, and if that included sacrificing her brother for it, so be it.
Eventually my mother married the first man stupid enough to fall for her. They had a child, ad he grew to become a psycho. He has tried to poison me twice.
I think I was almost happy when I had my first girlfriend. We were fourteen, and to her was the only one who would listen. To me, she was the only one who I could trust, and love. When I ound out she was bulimic, it became a hell for me, since I was afraid to lose her everyday.
In college, only five of us actually wanted to be teachers. the rest of the class got into it thinking it would be easy, that they would get and easy job, or any other stupid reason. I bit my tongue and tried to do my best, still.
I got a bad grade at my thesis due to the evaluators not bothering to even reading it (It was painfully obvious, they would ask puzzled and unconvinced about stuff that was carefully explained in the first ten pages). Still, since I got my teahing license, I thought I had somehow made it.
I got employed at a country school. Second grade had a rate of over 50% of students with mental retardations, as all their mother worked handling toxic pesticides, hence physical disablings were common too. Cleft palates, missing limbs, you name it.
Still, I felt empty. No matter how hard I worked, nothing coud be improved. Besides me and another teacher, nobody cared, as long as they got paid by the end of the month. I had tried my best during the second half of my life, I gave it all, and I still felt empty, and being unable to improve anything. I tried to commit suicide almost before the graduation time. I was 32.
Most of the interns at the metal hospital lasted one week, two weeks at most. I was hel dthere over two months. My first pshychologist gave up, since my logical reasoning behing my uicide attemp was pretty sound. The second one just waited for the medications to kick in.
It was not a bad thing, I sill felt lke dying, but I was able to endure it a little more. That was two years ago.
Today, medications seem to haveno effect. I'm taking venlafaxine, quetiapine, conazepam, and zipiclone. Every day gets lnger than the one before it. I've lost all my drive to teach, my drive to live, and I'm passively waiting to die of a cardiac insufficiency. Every day it gets harder to breath. My liver does not work as it should, neither . All the medicatons broke it.
i read everything
I did as well.
I wonder how many people have had a painful life like yours, because so many people have existed in the past already. I think that most of their personal worries and pain is no longer remembered by anyone. Even something like WWII is already mostly remembered through entertainment: movies, books and games, rather than through the memories of those who suffered and are still able to tell us about it. Eventually the universe will end and everything will be forgotten, like it never even happened.
I hope you are able to forget now and still have some happy moments.
friend youre not alone i'm living something similar but i'm only 26
I'm 22, I study mathematics. I used to skateboard and drink lots of alcohol in my 13-18s. My parents would always give me money and I would leave the house for 8-10 hours, skateboarding and drinking. I do not remember much from that age. I do remember myself being an exceptional kid earlier than that. Others would always tell me how smart and kind I am. I was also a brat sometimes, bragging about the expensive stuff that I would get from my parents (but I do remember that I did this without malice). I also remember myself having philosophical thoughts. A particular one was that I was wondering about infinite universes hiding inside the atoms. I remember having problems in school (being called hyperactive).
Later, in high school, things would get much worse, and most teachers would consider me the worst of the worst. I would often be a human shield for other students. When something in class went wrong and some student was blamed, if I judged that the teacher was incorrectly blaming him/her, I would do something even more stupid, so that the attention would drift to my case. This naturally caused me to have many enemies in the teachers' circle. My life would be wasted if I hadn't gotten a computer. I started learning programming on my own and I pretty much mastered it. I did this because I wanted to be a hacker. I had deep political convictions back then, and I wanted to push my own agenda by hacking important servers and putting up messages. I did not succeed, but I later lost interest in that. This interest in programming, however, saved me: I learned to study on my own, and when the time came, I managed to get into university and study maths. I was always very good at maths.
I am glad that you did not become a hacker. Prison is not really a nice place for smart guys. Find a job and make some friends.
I work as a maintenanace in NJ.
Most of are tenants are Indian highly educated.
They apt are filthy smelly.I just don't understand it .
Most of them live like animals.
Grease all over the kitchen .
Toilets and tubs are filthy dirty.
Most of the women don't work they stay at home and cook .
Never seen a vacuum in their apts.
They are highly intelligent people but they live like Pigs and on the top of that many times they are just arrogant.
Yes I met a few nice kind Indian poeple.
Thank you Rafael
if you don't like the filth so much why don't you clean it?
Today I'm very sad. I was going to sleep when my mother told me this. My friend, who taught me many things. She was a very intelligent and cultured woman, studied at Tokyo University, spoke many languages, travelled around the world, researched regional music and artistical expressions in Brazil. I'm very, very sad about this. It's like, you know, she was OK last week, and today I am informed that she was ina a car accident and was in a coma for two days before dying today. I really want to cry.
Sanae Shibata, You will be missed.
I know I'm a little late, but that's crazy man. A guy I met on this program in Costa Rica just died. It's so weird having someone your age die, and especially someone that was a friend. I feel like people my age (18) shouldn't be dying.
Komm, süßer Tod
Anyone know any good jobs or careers for a person with schizoid personality disorder to go into?
Maybe you are just another bisexual?
Its hard to be bisexual. I know this cuz I am bisexual.
Seek professional help before it is too late.
This disorder can kill your personality.
I'm happy being schizoid, I just need a good job to do.
Programming, design, any job where you don't have to personally deal with retards, etc. Engineering fields might interest you.
Any Asian women out there who like to dominate white men?
What would you do to me my Goddess?
Beat u long time
Hello worm, I am Mistress Meiling.
As your Asian Mistress I order you to forget your perversions, get off the internet, excel at your classes/job, exercise three times a week, join a community organization, take a lonely and possibly less than attractive woman as your lawful wife, love her deeply, use birth control, adopt two disadvantaged children from Africa, and die happy after a long and fulfilled life.
Do not disappoint me.
24 yrs. old
I exercise on a regular basis and eat healthy foods. I have no problems meeting girls. They often comment favourably on my appearance.
Does that make me good looking? Dunno.
Have you ever met an Asian girl that was sexually dominant? Usually White guys like asian girls because they are supposedly submissive..
Yes, I have. Many times.
Key word in your sentence is 'supposedly'.
That's why a dominant Asian woman would be so exciting, because it's unexpected!
Like kinky schoolgirls, niggers in elegant dresses, pretty boys, what-have-you~~~
"That's why a dominant Asian woman would be so exciting, because it's unexpected!"
Yes, I agree. The unexpected certainly plays into the sort of 'sexual theatre' which I enjoy.
"niggers in elegant dresses"....LOL. Indeed.
Hello. I'm a caucasion athletic male...mi am seeking to be dominate by an older Asian female...i love to clean. Chores. Ed cures. I love giving oral sex...min here to please you.......
If I have ever wanted to do it, I would book a flight to Bangkok.
As easy as it.
I suggest you to do the same.
Hey. I have a problem lately of not wanting to do anything. I've been diagnosed as bipolar, not sure if it'll help with what I'm about to say.
Anyway, I don't know if it's related or not but, lately I've seen myself as being extremely lazy and not wanting to do anything. I can't do things I love doing for more than 10 minutes before I quit and do something else that involves staring into space.
What are some ways I can increase my will of wanting to do things? Cause it's kind of annoying that I can't do things I want to do or love to do without getting a bored or "meh" feeling after 5-15 minutes.
You sound just like me. Actually, I'm going to a therapist in a few days to be diagnosed to see if I'm bipolar.
How are things?
I wish you the best of luck! Actually things aren't too bad right now, I'm still in the same situation as described above but I can't complain. I've literally spent this whole time sitting in my room staring at my TV, hah.
Since I rarely come here there's a delay in me replying. Sorry. It'll probably be days until you see this -- seriously why do we come here?! It's like some graveyard of the internet.
Anyway, if you want a quicker form of communication, I made a BitMessage address: BM-NBJmBTVCZn65R5btJR7iZyJVqsEnqV43 -- The software is simple enough to use. I got round to making a doctor's appointment to be diagnosed.
What do you do when you feel depressed? Do you have any meds?
Shit I just realized the ID has changed :/
A 17 year old girl. I have some naked pics of her. It's because she sent them to me.
We used to have a good time, but now she has a boyfriend. She doesn't tend to reply me. I dont like it.
so, now I'm thinking about revenge porn....what do you think?
what's wrong with you? go beat off and eat some pizza and stop thinking about that stuff.
I don't come on here often enough to know how to tell if people are trolling or not. Is this person even real?
Look, send the pics to me and I will tell you what to do about this, ok?
Don't do it
Revenge for what? Losing interest in you? Not really revenge worthy is it?
Also wanted to add that I did something like this and it wasn't all that satisfying.
Don't do it. You'll get into a heap load of trouble. I've done it before and it wasn't worth all the trouble that I had to go through afterwords. Plus you'll feel like a worse person than you do now because of it.