I know just about nothing about Romance. So when I started liking this one girl, I tried to get closer to her, but all that happened was we became close friends. I'm not sure how to go for the romance angle now that we're such good friends, and it's the age-old cliche of "I don't want to risk losing our friendship."
All this developed only in the past month, but already we're close enough that I really don't want to lose her as a friend. Help!
hmm......i'd say that it'll be hard for you to get in the romance angle of things cause she probably will only think of you as a friend. just stay as a friend for now and when the time comes or when you feel it's right then tell her your true feelings of her.
I say you need to do some crash impact right now.
Ie. FUKKEN GO FOR IT.
Also I haven't had a single successful relationship in my life, just fyi.
Well do you truely love her? I know you came to us for the advice... But here's the the real answer... And that is within you. Ask your self that. Is your love for her that strong that you'll take a risk for it. Also to hint her that you like her... Use the body language... Girls can understand the body language really well. Plus you can try to show her that you are in love with her by giving her some attentions and such. Well I hope it goes well. Good luck.
You are so afraid of losing her as a friend because you have romantic feelings for her too. You befriended her for the sake of your emotions and let me tell you this; getting amusing friendships is a fuckload of a lot easier than finding a good relationship.
Also, a good friendship is an excellent basis for a good relationship. You have only a friend to lose from trying, and if you lose one from trying it wasn't a good friend in the first place.
Trust me on this.
Thanks for all the advice. I've been dropping hints left and right, and I think she's picking up on them. It's not like she's encouraging my advances, but she's not stopping or showing any signs of disliking them either, so I think that I might just going to go for it pretty soon. It's only a matter of finding a way to express my feelings without totally fucking up, which I know I'll do. I'll report how it goes.
dont be shy son, go for it, you got nothing to lose!
Fuck up, it's awesome! Never act according to fear, it's the only thing that will make you seem like a loser. Even if you're scared, people will think you rock if you're daring. Well unless you do something really retarded but I know you're not planning on doing that.
Ahhh! I failed! I hate myself! We went out together, not really as a 'date' though. I came close to confessing but didn't say anything. I just dropped more hints. Aghh, I feel like I missed my chance!
I won't give up though. I'll definitely confess by the end of the month! Fucking high school drama.
I've been through this before so listen when I say this, there is no friendship if she turns you down. You can't be friends with someone if they have shat all over your heart, regardless of what you fool yourself into believing. With that said, just tell her. If you like her more than a friend, you can't go on just being her friend, now can you? But if she says no, you just have to move on, otherwise you're just hurting yourself by still being friends with her and wanting her, but not being able to get her.
>>12
Thanks for the advice. Another part of this is, after the school year ends and I graduate, we'll be going our separate ways. I'm not sure if I want to get into such a relationship only to have it end so soon...but I also don't want to regret not taking the chance when I had it. So I'm definitely going to keep trying. The bad thing is I never feel like it's the right moment to confess, and I'm not sure what I should say either. Just blurting out, "I like you" seems tacky.
Hmm... I have a similar situation. I've been in love with that girl for 2 years, and I still don't have the courage to confess. I have about one month left until graduation, then it'll be 'game over'... and I love her to the point I'm constantly thinking about her, yet I'm still too scared to say anything; just thinking whether she likes me or not... I hate myself.
I know how you feel man. I've gone through a lot and I mean a lot of relations ship problems so I've experienced majority of it all and honestly I can tell you that If you miss this chance you'll hate yourself for a very long time to come. Don't be scared cause if it works out you'll feel like you've died and gone to heaven and even it it doesn't then at least you'll know that you tried. So be a man and tell her. You've got very little to lose and a whole lot to gain.
Yet, don't go to her and confess your feelings. From what I have read, telling the girl how much you like her will only things worse. Acting laid back seems to be the way.Just keep dropping her hints like you've done but make them less subtle each time, she will pick it up. If she doesnt want it she will probably show it.
Sometimes you have to go out on a limb because that's where all the fruit is. Right guys? ...right?
But seriously, regret is awful. Be honest with yourself and be sincere with her. The worst case scenario is that you get rejected but gain courage for your next go 'round.
OP here. I'm not sure what to do at all. The other day, I spent around 6 hours just talking with her. Though we talked quite a bit this whole time, we somehow never talked about anything very serious. I'm not sure how to get past that screen of bantering and speak on more serious topics. I feel that we need to start talking more seriously with each other before we can get anywhere at all, and definitely before I confess to her. The problem is that we're both pretty non-serious type people, and both pretty shy when it comes around to it. We spend most of our time together just laughing at different silly things. I'm happy like this, I hope she is too, but I still pine for more depth and I'm not sure how to get there when our conversations are always on such a jocular level. Any tips?
I think the only way to successfully bring up something like that is in a "romantic" locale, such as dinner or a movie (or both...)
If you're hanging around & talking, "being friends", then naturally, that's all that's going to happen... But if you go to a movie or dinner, talk can then become serious, as the very fact that you invited her specifically naturally implies seriousness, I think...
>>19
...which brings up another problem - how to ask her out.
NOTE: Just read the first paragraph if you want to save time.
Ahhh, I don't know what to think! I asked her (online, I'm too shy in real life) in a really roundabout way if it would be OK for me to like her. And she said no, she didn't think so. Then we moved on to other subjects. What does this mean? I don't know how to interpret it. I guess it's really my fault for asking such an ambiguous question. Once again it's not really discouraging or encouraging me. Fuck.
I guess I'll just try to ask her out, as per >>19's advice. But I'm nervous as hell. I've never been on a date before. We've gone out together before, but it was really just as friends; someone asked us if one of our outings had been a date, and she adamantly said no. I'm not sure if this was a refusal of me, or just a reaction to an embarrassing question, but judging from her reaction, I'm pretty sure it's the latter. At least I hope so.
Anyway, if I do go on a date, what should I do? Do I pay for everything and argue with her if she tries to pick up the check? Should I suavely give her flowers when I pick her up? I really have been quite a social introvert until I met this girl, so I don't know much at all about these things. I don't go out with even my friends often at all.
God, my heart beats so fucking fast when I think about a date, though. I want to embrace her so badly. She's tall, has beautiful green eyes, and I can smell her shampoo when I get close enough. She's so beautiful, but my own face is covered with acne that I've tried to get rid of in a million ways. I wouldn't dare ruin such a pure complexion with a pimply kiss. I get nervous just getting close to her, I feel like it's so unnatural to have such beauty next to my ugliness. I don't know. I don't think she's the type to care so much about appearances that she'll reject me because of my ruined face. But I still worry.
Oops! I worded that first paragraph completely wrong! I asked her if it would be useless for me to like her. And she said no, she didn't think so. Just to clear that up.
I would pay for everything beforehand, but don't argue if she wants to pay for anything... Naturally, that only causes feelings that you aren't letting her be kind as well...
I wouldn't go & give her flowers if it's not a "date" just yet... You can always ask, in some suave way later, "So, does this count as a first date??", and if it's yes, then say "I guess I should've brought some flowers, then; Oh, well, there's next time"...
It's a casual way of inquiring, directly from you to her, if this counts as a date, without the embarrassment of others being around & asking her; Also, you could always later open the way to a comment like "so does this mean we're a couple??"
Hello! what a nice discussion, finally again someone who gonna be active. And this time, a guy who already goes outside his basement, yeh!
ok, so you need get appointment for lunch or dinner first. No worry about mentioning date-word, it confuse topic. You gonna need trick to get it though, there need to be an excuse so that both of you can say, it not a date. You should think of one. FO wanna give one example: You could tell that you found a restaurant and that you'd like to try out the food there. BUT, going alone is a pain, so, [casually] you wondered if she'd be interested in trying that food too, one of these days. (when you ask, make sure not to be in a 'begging position.') Of course, it bloody transparent, but that no matter - the invitation is perfectly legitimate. Both of you can now say, when asked "yeah, we found we both wanted to try this food, but its so uncomfortable to eat alone, so we just went together."
Now about the flowers. Frigid Onanoko laugh at suggestions above! nyahaha! Do you even understand symbolism of flowers? It suggest connection - for two young people together, always love. After you give the bouquet to her, stupid flowers gonna be on table. Then when she walk around, she have to carry them along. Everybody in town gonna think you and her in love (strongly.) You gonna turn date in one long ordeal of embarrasment for her. So don't do it, and if - definitely after several dates and good understanding of relation between each other - then bring them to her house. FO, personally, would ditch flowers if given at first 'date' and go away.
Well, that about flowers. Can really appreciate them though! For you, op, this future music, no? get to appointment first. Make it a goal, do suggest it in real life, you much better able to judge her response. (And then we no get impossible interpretation questions here)
Bye now!
ps, Frigid Onanoko pretty confident she already know you're into her. She probably quites supportive if you're careful. But don't be so careful that you cannot move. Girls hate guys that bring out umbrella even when sun is shining in wide blue sky!
Whenever I read a Frigid Onanoko post I imagine a fat, 40-year-old Neanderthal pounding away at her keyboard in her musty cave.
if you pick her up from her house, you could get away with bringing her some flowers. what i would do tho is pick a small bunch yourself from the local area (e.g. theres loads of daffodils blooming around my area atm so i would just pull some up) - just jokingly say when she greets you at the door something like "oh yeah and i stole these for you" and hand them over, not making a big deal out of them just laugh and move onto talking about something else
>>25, don't. Except for the keyboard part, it very far from truth.
Don't be afraid of losing friendship with her.... Just go for it and spend more times with her. Give out some hints... Then plan things out carefully... Well, try your best!!! Good luck!
Ah...the days pass and I get nowhere...
@OP
Pull the thumb, out of you..r...
Well I don't know I'm no expert on the subtle signals of social interaction, how do you sneak your way into someones heart, I have no fucking idea.
But if you want her to know and want to know how she would feel about it, JUST, TELL, HER. I mean for fucks sake you're already friends, you speak with eachother on a regular basis I get, you're on a level where you can be frank and straightforward. Just blurt it out.
You should know also that if you really like someone you're not bothered by things such as pimples.
I told her in the simplest way I could that I liked her, and she said she liked me too. I did it over chat. Yes, I know that I'm extremely ultra-lame for doing it that way. Yes, you can kill me now. Just be glad I didn't say 'lol' or anything like that. I was to shy to tell her in person, even though just today I had the perfect chance when we were walking together in the sunshine...
Either way, I don't know what to do now. Where we go from here, I don't know. We're both shy. If I ever find a reason to ask her out, I'm sure she'll agree if it works with her schedule. But as for the rest, I don't know what will happen. Thanks for all the advice /love/, you gave me the push I needed, even if I didn't have the balls to do it properly. I'll stay on for more reports, of course.
Shit..... I thought you were a smart guy... No wait I didn't, cowards are always morons lol!
If you are too chicken to follow this up the right way now, you will blow it ALL. Thats why you should never tell over the net, mail, phone, sms, whatever. Always face to face, don't ever do something out of sight that you wouldn't do face to face, thats always a good rule for everything, except taking a dump or a piss maybe but thats unrelated.
I don't know -since I'm not in your heads, where you must go from here, but if you do not it will turn really awkward and start to reek of insincerity. It's like telling someone you love them while drunk and then waking up the next day with monster regret and a half, trying hard to avoid what happened and you know why? Because you did something while not being the person you otherwise can, dare or even want to be. If you don't dare to initiate something properly you are not yet mature to see it through properly either.
Oh man......... Try this; First time you see her next time, tell her again to her face, just as if you never had that convo on the net. If you can pull that of it should proceed naturally from that point and you don't need to worry.
This might sound all neg and shit but God knows I'm rooting for you. Hopefully she will be very understanding no matter what happens, but girls tend to be ultrasensitive to all those subtle signals and signs, reading too much into everything and getting scared in vain. If worse comes to worse you will start down the same path as myself and that is not somewhere you want to be.
You need to grow a set of balls real fast my friend, grow into a man over a day. I hope you're up for it.
biggest douchebag on earth
I suggest telling in person as well, because either way it works out better. If it's a yes, well that's great. if it's a no, well then she'll probably be more gentle, because she knows she'll have to watch your heart break into a small pile of dust in front of her. (That said, don't be a crybaby about it, girls hate that.) She's more likely to be willing to give you a chance if she's on the fence as well, because she would otherwise have to watch you crumble. And girls, well most of them, don't like to destroy people. (Most people don't like to destroy people, unless there's a good reason.)
onnanoko means girl in Japanese. Onna means woman, ko means child. Personally what I have in mind, when I hear "frigid onanoko" is I think of a tsundere.
Come on, OP.
I know you can do it. Hell, if you'll call her now, she would be all over you.
Well, I still didn't manage tell her in person. Fuck. I guess that's what the [failure] tag is for. My defense was that the mood wasn't right, so instead I just apologized for confessing to her online. She said she didn't mind, and the subject quickly changed.
I'm sorry for letting you down /love/, but the situation's not as dire as you might think. We're even closer now, despite my cowardice...all that's left really is to ask her out. The problem is I don't know any good restaurants around here, and I know that there aren't any movies out that either of us want to see.
I sense no danger of her saying no, at least. But I don't want to ask her out until I actually have somewhere to take her...
Well, i will stop helping you. That about the restaurant is such an excuse to yourself, you are being quite the sad one.
what a gaydick. you fucking retard
What the hell man.
If you sense no danger, then that's a huge sign reading HEY OP TAKE MY HEART.
Ask her out ANYWHERE. Man, you can even ask her for a walk around the town. And talk.
It's just like eating cookies; There is no wrong way to ask out a girl.
You will probably impress her just by gathering up the courage.
>You will probably impress her just by gathering up the courage.
It would certainly impress me, this guy's unbelievably sad.
Yeah you're even closer now but in what regard I ask you? How do you want to be close to this girl, are you forgetting that? You CONFESSED, and now you're moving like nothing in particular happened, just because you're chicken shit. That will be ok for a while but not for long, you need to break your emotions out of that bullshit faqade of yours. JUST DO IT! Stop filtering out your feelings to act only as a friend or it will be the end of your chances for good.
Why are you censoring yourself out, think you suck, that your love is revolting and unwanted? Your bullshit act is the only thing that sucks, and your whining and complaining about how much you suck is the icing on that shitcake so throw it in the bin TODAY. If you do that it will all be fine. Comprende mi amigo?
And don't talk about letting us down, the only ones you're letting down is yourself and this girl who likes you, she wants you to be her man, not a crybaby. Do you think she wants to hear or feel that her feelings for you are wasted, or that you are not worthy to love her by some retarded standard you've made up in that withdrawn little emo-dungeon you call your mind? You need to re-brainwash yourself because stuff like that gets old real fast and is a foolsafe way of driving people away.
You are still making excuses, you are still defending your lurking out of harms way...
Honestly, do yourself a favourand listen to me; stop listening to your mind, start listening to your feelings and just do, ACT! It will be fine, trust me.
>>42 is probably the most accurate post about my situation so far. Thanks for spelling out so clearly what should have been obvious to me in the first place. I'll try to stop whining and coming up with excuses from now on. I'm a bit inept at social life, but that's no excuse since it's my own fault for having been a recluse in the first place.
Anyway, I went to a cafe with her today and asked if she would go out with me. She said yes. I still haven't come up with anywhere specific so we're just 'going out' in general now, I suppose.
nigga you be trippin
This isn't nuclear research, everything doesn't have to be an exact science, it's not. Act on instinct, go out on a limb, don't be so careful. You know when you like someone, how everything they do is fucking awesome, brilliant and cool? It's like this here; if she likes you, it will be ok even if you think it was a total failure, you did it with good intentions and she will recognize that. If she doesn't like you, it will suck even if it was technically wounderbar, and your intentions won't matter for shit. Thats the science of love, it makes no sense because it's about feelings, not logic.
Now go and prove my theory, stop treating her like she is some highly instable substance that will blow you from the face of the earth for the slightest mistake. I mean, how is your tolerance level towards her? Pretty fucking high right? This "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" -thing works in this direction too. You want her to take a risk and prove her love for you, so prove yours to her. Don't wait for others to act for you, set things moving yourself. A woman shouldn't be ahead of the guy in this matter, it will not be good for the balance of the relationship.
All I'm saying is; You can pick things to do and places to go, and you can make moves on her etcetera. She wants you to, dumb-fuck and if you don't get your ass moving I'll find out where you live and take over for you, lucky bastard.
Man, it wasn't really that hard, now was it?
Good move, now you are on your own, because you should now know what to do. It will be easy from now on. Hopefully.
go for it..or you'll regret it
Update:
We went for a dinner and a movie on Friday (Blades of Glory.) It was a first date, kind of. (I've been to movies alone with her before I'd asked her out or confessed online.) We got there a bit late, but she didn't mind. The date was still very friendly; I need to get the balls up to hand-hold and all that crap. But at least she's very forgiving when I'm clumsy and stupid, which is very often. But she was very relaxed, and it seemed like she had a good time.
Just keep at it. No shame in becoming better friends with someone before feeling pressured into hand-holding and other such things.
Update 2 (even if you don't really care)
We've begun to hug and hold hands since about last week. Friday night we're going out for dinner as a second date.
Question: Are gifts (like flowers) expected, a bad idea, or in between for a second date?
Oh lawd just surprise her(and us)! The question here isn't what people do but what you do; she likes you, remember that.
It's all about finding out what they like and give 'em that and at this stage you don't need to know so closely because noone is expecting you to, what you are expected to do is to be generous with yourself. Do you understand what I mean?