ITT you have worn armor, a rusty dagger, and amnesia (457)

1 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5254 23:16

Wake up, sleepy head!

...

401 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 21:32

Abolish monarchy of Atlantis; instate anarcho-communism.

402 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 21:58

Declare war on all other underwater cities.

403 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 21:59

>>401
Yes, you muse, you have been a terrible ruler, and the dark shadows of Atlantis' old days must never truly have left this city.

You gather your advisors and nobles to explain your radical new plan for the future of Atlantis. Despite your best speechcraft efforts, you find some elements of your audience rather difficult to convince, and a fierce argument breaks out as tempers flare.

Prince Atlantis XV wields trident and prepares to attack!
Grand Vizier wields staff and prepares to attack!
General Neptunius wields trident and prepares to attack!

Royal Accountant is swayed by your speech and withdraws from the fight!
Agricultural Minister is swayed by your speech and withdraws from fight!

Bippo the Jester is swayed by your speech and prepares to fight at your side!
Merman guard is swayed by your speech and prepares to fight at your side! (x4)

As your allies outnumber your opposition, you may either remain and fight, or allow them to cover for you as you make a cowardly escape.

404 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 22:00

>>402
You have more pressing matters to deal with at this moment, like not becoming sushi at the hands of your former subordinates.

405 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 23:27

Settle dispute by allowing the opposition to peacefully explain their disagreements on an orderly and civil fashion.
Remain strong in our position, but still open to concede in a number of key areas.

406 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 23:58

Furtively gesture to the guards to take up positions surrounding the consipirators while we make a speechcraft check to distract them as >>405-san said. Continue ruling with an iron fist now that our enemies have been drawn out of the woodwork and slain in our clever trap.

407 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 00:15

>>405
You successfully use your speechcraft to restore order; for now.

Prince Atlantis XV complains of long tradition and his right to ascend the throne after you as he was brought up to do, and that the peasantry cannot function without proper leadership.

Grand Vizier argues that he will support the Prince's claim to the throne.

General Neptunius argues that organized military might is necessary to protect the city, and expresses doubts that this can be achieved without centralized organization.

Bippo the Jester argues that getting rid of stuffy old officials and their hidebound rules sounds like a great idea.

Other participants have nothing to add.

With some further debate, you are able to further sway General Neptunius to see the merit of your position, but the prince and vizier remain obstinate, though less inclined to immediate violence without the general's continued support.

408 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 00:38

>>406
Using the secret gestures established with your personal guards, you say to the rest that you will finish the debate with the prince and vizier in private. Once the coast is clear, you have your heir and vizier summarily executed for treason by the outnumbering guards, and return to floating over your throne, deciding that perhaps your radical idea was not meant for implementation, after all.

Given Bippo's enthusiasm for the idea, you decide that it will be necessary to have him vanish, as well. You will miss Bippo's jests, you lament, but the order of the state comes first.

Guards have slain Prince Atlantis XV.
Guards have slain Grand Vizier.
Guards have slain Bippo the Jester.

You have received no combat rewards for delegating your kills.

409 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 00:48

Summon Lizard Viking. Locate if necessary.

410 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 01:31

>>409
Well, this is certainly a conundrum, you think to yourself, wondering if you've set in motion things beyond your control with your rash suggestions to your inner circle.

If only a legendary hero would come and help you sort all of this out; the sort who comes from another land with strange and wonderful skills, mighty in battle and ruggedly handsome.

As you think these thoughts, the hull of a storm-wrecked but once magnificent dragon ship crashes down on the roof of your palace and a lone Lizard Viking comes swimming in your window, looking quite confused yet ruggedly heroic none the less.

You quickly call the attendant sorceress and have her impart water breathing on the creature before it drowns.

Lizard Viking has joined your party.

411 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 10:08

Declare war on drugs, in the interest of securing more royal funds in the form of drug money.

412 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 17:01

Ask Lizard viking to kill the 4 guards, they know too much.

413 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 17:11

Ask Lizard viking to eat all the trolls in the secret area.

414 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 00:54

Be lizard viking. Mate with sorceress to gain her powers.

415 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 15:12

Be sorceress. Make some lovely fishlizard babies.

416 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 15:58

>>411
You decide that the best way to proceed now is to distract everyone with a long and costly campaign against recreational drugs, while allowing key mob members to sway you with bribery.

You set about implementing this post haste, and make Lizard Viking your top enforcer.

>>412
After a glorious underwater battle, Lizard Viking has slain the four questionable guards, but is wounded for a significant amount of HP in the process.

>>413
That done, you focus on your next problem, and have Lizard Viking go to the hidden computer room of the ancients. After an anticlimactic battle, several pimply-faced nerds who enjoy making abrasive posts on the internet have been slain, and Lizard Viking summarily eats them.

>>414
You are now playing as Lizard Viking. Returning to the palace, you attempt to take your just reward by somehow mating with the king's mermaid sorceress, although you're not entirely sure how fish and lizard genitalia will work together.

Mermaid sorceress deflects your advances with a telekinetic shield.

>>415
You are now playing as the Sorceress. You attempt to use your magic to crossbreed the piranhas in your aquarium with the chameleons in your terrarium. The attempts are successful though the loveliness of the offspring may be left in question, as they summarily devour you.

You have been slain.

Returning to previous character: you are now playing as Lizard Viking.

417 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 16:03

Settle for ejaculating on dead sorceress' ample breasts.

418 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 17:32

Adopt fishlizard babies as our own.

419 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 17:48

>>417 >>418
You don't see any of those things here.

420 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 18:42

Settle for ejaculating on King Atlantis' ample chest.

vc: quip

421 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7782 23:16

>>420
You engage in acts far too lewd to be described on a family textboard with King Atlantis XIV, with a particular focus on his magnificently slick, rippling pectoral muscles. You find it to be greatly enjoyable, and so does he.

"You have opened my eyes to a whole new world." says the King, "Henceforth the city of Atlantis and the lands of Lizandinavia shall be allied. Furthermore I would ask that we be wed that you may reign alongside me as my... uhhh... queen?"

"Sire," you wonder aloud, "Is that legal?"

"I will make it legal." the king answers.

422 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7783 04:17

Accept offer, then eat the king at the wedding. Declare self supreme commander of both Atlantis and Lizandinavia.

423 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7783 06:09

Touch oniichan's penis.

424 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7783 13:13

Teach Viking battle chant to your newfound subordinates.

425 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7783 15:18

>>422
You cheerfully accept the offer and bide your time with the king until the wedding ceremonies. When the customary kiss is to take place, you give things a little extra oomph.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 3 HP.

"Oooh, kinky." says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 3 HP.

"Ahhhhhn." says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 2 HP.

"That tickles!" says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 2 HP.

"Uhhh, darling...?" says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 1 HP.

"Darling?" says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 2 HP.

"All right! All right! I submit to you, my lovely hunk of lizard!" says the king.

King Atlantis XIV grovels at your feet, kissing them. It would appear you have the king wrapped around your fingers now. Although, you recall, you technically owe your own allegiance to one of the several kings in the loosely-knit ethnic region of Lizandinavia, although that could be fixed...

>>423
You see neither an oniichan, nor a penis, being surrounded by fishy naked merfolk whose genitalia appear to be designed for spawning by scattering eggs and sperm willy-nilly in the water (how lewd!) Furthermore, you highly suspect that "oniichan" sounds like a word only a ninja would use, and though you have done many questionable things on this adventure of yours, becoming a ninja is not yet one of them.

>>424
You teach King Atlantis XIV and the merman guards your best viking battle chant as the first step in your cultural domination over the Atlanteans. They seem to learn quickly, and those who lack it gain first rank in "Intimidate with a lethal weapon" skill.

426 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7783 16:27

Take a crew of Atlantis' best warriors and sail the dragon ship to the land of ninjas to finally put them in their place!

427 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7784 23:26

>>426
Although it takes a great deal of repairing, you eventually get the Atlanteans to rebuild your dragon ship even better than before, using ancient plans from the former inhabitants of Atlantis before the oceans drank it. Once preparations are ready, you set forth for conquest!

You are on board a steam-powered ironclad with a magnificent dragon prow, cruising over the waves while King Atlantis XIV, General Neptunius and 18 merman guards swim in the ocean to either side. The coastline of the land of ninjas (your eternal hated foes) has just come into sight, and you must decide now how you will stage your attack; merfolk on land, you have discovered, are like fish out of water, so you may have to lead them into some sort of river system if you want them to have a chance at fighting effectively. Alternatively, coastal raiding with the rebuilt ship's artillery cannons also seems viable.

428 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7787 05:10

Find their water supply and pee in it. Biological warfare!

429 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7787 08:14

Sneak into the castle through the obligatory sewer level

430 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7787 12:44

Try to convince any sentient reptiles you might encounter there to join your party.

431 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 05:33

Make a home in the sewers. Become king of the sewers.

432 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 15:00

>>428
You guide your party upriver into a likely-looking lake and jump in to have a "pee in the pool" party. It seems to relieve the stress level in your party, but you're not sure if it was sufficient to affect the whole ecosystem.

>>429
You decide to follow a popular but ill-conceived RPG trope. Wading through the sludge, you find that you become more than a little foul-smelling. Your feel itchy and unclean.

>>430
As the most skilled member of the party, King Atlantis uses his speechcraft skill to convince the sewer's reptilian inhabitants.

Ninja turtle Raphael looks convinced.
Ninja turtle Leonardo is hesitant.
Ninja turtle Donatello looks convinced.
Ninja turtle Michelangelo looks convinced.

Ninja turtle Leonardo attempts counter-speechcraft and is successful.

Your party and theirs regard each other warily.

>>431
You decide to declare the sewers your home, and yourself king.

Ninja turtles refuse to acknowledge your claim to royalty.

433 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 16:06

Challenge ninja turtles to a Glasperlenspiel match to decide jurisdiction of the sewers.

434 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 19:41

While the rest of our party is wasting time with Glasperlenspiel, sneak out of the sewers and find an onsen to get cleaned up.

435 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7793 21:20

Be King Atlantis.
Order a Pizza of Foe Finding from the ninja turtles.
Use the pizza to grind on sewer enemies until reaching level 9999.

436 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7813 01:09

Burrow underground even further

437 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7813 16:27

Keep digging.

438 Name: I'm taking over : 1993-09-7835 00:38

>>433
They refuse and simply point their weapons at you menacingly. You suspect it might be because there's no Glasperlenspiel anywhere in sight, or maybe because the ninja turtles feel they'd be at a tremendous disadvantage, having absolutely no formal Glasperlenspiel training. Maybe you should have refrained yourself from issuing such a ridiculous challenge in the first place.

>>434
You try to escape but an antropomorphic rat with a cane blocks your way out!

>>435
You ask for the Pizza of Foe Finding to the ninja turtles. They are not exactly well-versed on video game vernacular, so they end up interpreting your request as Pizza with Anchovies. This funny misunderstanding amuses no one, however, as the turtles refuse your order and insist on threatening you with their ninja weapons.

>>456,437
Seeing as all escape routes are blocked, you attempt to create your own escape route, digging into the concrete floor of the sewer. Using your beautifully decorated trident, you attempt to break through the concrete, but you soon find out this isnft the optimal tool for the job. While you entertain yourself with your new-found task, the ninja turtles take this chance to preemptively attack. The hapless mermen soldiers, not being used to terrestrial combat, aimlessly flop around attempting to evade their brisk ninjutsu, without much success. Lizard Viking courageously tries to defend the mermen soldiers, but despite his graceful viking combat skills he remains outnumbered by the four turtles. In a matter of minutes, they dispose of most of your platoon, leaving you with 5 pitiful mermen warriors at your disposal. Meanwhile your efforts seem to have paid of, as the concrete under your trident now appears visibly cracked.

439 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7835 06:30

Screw this, murder all the turtles and rats with our trident while screaming viking insults.

440 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7921 02:53

Command the oceans to flood the sewers, and scream more viking insults.

441 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8033 02:26

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

442 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8055 17:25

>>439
"Yeeminee Villikerz!" you shout, leaping into the seething throng of rats and turtles, alternately sweeping and stabbing with your stout trident! They put up a heroic defense, but your vastly superior size and strength make short work of the vermin. As you stand above their mangled little corpses, you wonder to yourself why you didn't just walk over them in the first place.

>>440
"How long kann yoo tread vater?" you snarl, as you raise your trident and bid the oceans to your command. Unfortunately, the oceans never got the memo about your rise to power, and nothing happens.

>>441
The Kraken glances up at you from its now open cage, and then goes back to playing Mario Kart.

443 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8422 19:21

Play head to head Mario Kart with the Kraken.

444 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8544 22:32

>>443
The Kraken proves to be a tough but fair opponent. The two of you play for hours, with neither maintaining a lead.

Your thumbs are growing weary.

445 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8552 21:36

Go out to grab some beers. Ask the Kraken if it wants anything.

446 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8554 20:00

Challenge the Kraken to Halo 2.

447 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9119 20:53

Find and eat a really big sandwich.

448 Name: (@L_T`) : 1993-09-9119 22:59

>>445,446,447
The Kraken asks for a bag of surume to go with the beers, seemingly oblivious to the irony. You decide not to press the issue and instead head to the nearest convenience store for beer and snacks. Upon your return, you decide to dust off the old Xbox classic and challenge the Kraken to a few rounds of Halo.

"Aw dude no way! Hell yeah I'll play! Halo was my shit back in the day, I won't go easy on you!"

The kraken is initially terrible at the game, losing the first several rounds back to back possibly on account of not having thumbs. As the evening progresses, however, you soon find out that the Ballmer Peak also applies both to oceanic molluscs and to video games. As night gives way to morning, and having lost 15 rounds in a row, your rumbling stomach and mild frustration get the best of you.

"Bah, fuck this! You win, let's go get some real food. All we've had all night is potato chips and this squid stuff."
"Shquid? Hwut? Ids chiggen innit?" the Kraken slurs out.
"er yeah, it's-" you begin to say, before the squid snatches the package off the ground and drunkenly squints at it, seemingly having trouble focusing his massive cephalopod eyes.
"SHQUID! ID ISH SHQUID! OH MY GHAWD, I'B A MONSHTER!" yells the Kraken, flailing his gigantic tentacles in a fit of drunken despair and nearly taking your head off.
"Hey, hey, come on bro. You're not a monster, you had no way of knowing (even though it's written right there on the package). C'mon, let's go get a bigass sandwich then hit the sack, I think you'll feel better once you've slept it off."
"O-oghey", sniffs the Kraken.

You stop at the front door to put on your shoes, before remembering that you don't have feet. As you open it, you look back and notice the Kraken passed out on the couch. Sighing and deciding that it can't be helped, you go to take your shoes back off, before remembering for a second time that you don't have feet. The sandwich will have to wait until later that afternoon.

449 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9121 07:09

Generate feet

450 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 20:07

Get the Kraken some really strong coffee and send him on his way.

451 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9131 15:19

Ask the Kraken for a second date.

452 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9825 02:37

>>449,450,451
You grow some feet. They are really tiny feet. You need to water them daily and give them plenty of sunlight.

You press the "REALLY STRONG" button on your coffee maker. A fist comes shooting out and punches you in the face. You feel more awake now! You bring the REALLY STRONG COFFEE to the Kraken, meaning that you punch him in the face.

"Can we go out again?" you ask as he recoils from the sudden rude awakening.

"AREKJHKJEHHRHRHJHHJHJKJHRKEJHHRHRHR" the kraken screams. He goes on a rampage and breaks everything in your house.

453 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9825 02:56

Smile lovingly at the Kraken and prepare to go on a second date with him.

454 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9825 03:24

Invite the kraken to play one of your knizia games with you

455 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9826 15:17

>>453,454
The kraken is mollified by your enchanting smile. You go to your game shelf intending to get out Medici, but it was completely destroyed in the kraken's hungover rampage!

456 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9826 18:09

The Indian model of water treatment is associated with higher utilization of designated public spaces.

457 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9834 01:14

Go on a rampage date with the kraken and break everything in the neighborhood

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