>>285
Closest to me I see the futon on which I am lying and the blanket covering me, both bathed in the warm glow of the morning sun. Then there is a large white stuffed sheep that I love deeply because of its connection to a certain girl. Next to my futon is a brown chest of drawers with two columns and four rows. The left column is a little more than twice the length of the right column.
On top of the drawer are many things but from this angle I can only see a box from amazon, a box of laundry detergent, my journal, a giant unopened 1kg bag of Kirkland Tortilla Chips, and some papers. Behind that are green curtains with a white grid of thing lines. Above the curtains is my old air conditioner which is off and has a pen haphazardly stuck in it to prop up the broken air flow flap.
>>287
Close your eyes tightly and describe what you see to the best of your ability.
>>280 of course that was me, that's why I was asking for more!
>>286 well, have you ever done the thing where you close your eyes really tight then push your eyeballs into your head with all your might? If you do it hard enough and long enough you start to see beautiful angels, but ever since I was little I've always saw them not as angels but as bright glowing skeletons of those flying wasp/bee badniks from the first level of Sonic 2
>>288 make 4 cups of coffee then once they're cool enough to drink easily, down them one after the other
>>291
Junior woke up from troubled dreams to find that his lower body had sprouted a monstrous growth tipped with moisture. Like a coal miner striking upon a gold deposit, Junior had struck puberty. Before Junior could come to terms, or come to, or even come, Mittens ran in!
gJunior-oniichan!h exclaimed Mittens.
gMittens!h exclaimed Junior.
gYou wet your pants," observed Mittens.
"How embarrassing!" Junior cried. "I'll clean it with a tissue."
gWait!h Mittens said. gLet us save the trees. I will clean it with my mouth!h Before Junior could protest, Mittens erotically lapped at the semen-stained garment.
gIt's just getting more wet,h observed Junior.
Mittens blushed.
Junior eyed Mittens' crotch. Mittens eyed Junior's crotch. Junior's crotch eyed Mittens. Mittens' crotch eyed Junior's mouth which eyed Mittens' chest which eyed Junior who eyed Mittens while she eyed Junior. Then they had sex.
gWhat do you two think you are doing?h demanded Grandpa, storming in furiously.
gJunior hit puberty!h Mittens exclaimed.
gI am shocked,h said Grandpa, gand horny.h His giant cock sprang into action. "Also, I have osteoporosis." This last part was sad so everybody ignored it.
Junior and Mittens and Grandpa all stripped.
gLet's fuck,h somebody suggested. So they did. Junior's cock was in Mittens' mouth. Grandpa's cock was in Mittens' mitten. Mittens' mitten was in Junior's ass. Junior's elbow was in Grandpa's stomach. Mittens' teeth were in Mittens' mouth. Body parts mingled and quivered and vibrated and shook with dirty senseless passionate loving free-spirited sex. They came. I came. Even you came. Everybody came.
Then Clonepa came and raped them all.
>>293
I demand you masturbate while reading my story! Then report on your state of arousal.
>>296 One of the first times I went on a drug binge, I went out on the town spraypainting everything, and at 10am i was tagging the big main supermarket with customers going by. Then as I went in to buy milkshakes the security guard said "can i look in your bag please" so I said okay and it was full of spraycans so he grabbed my arm and dragged me through to the back room and phoned the police. The police took me into their car though fortunately they didn't take me to the station. They asked me things like why I did it and if I was on drugs because i seemed kinda spacey, but I half-lied and said I'm always kinda spacey, it's just the kind of person I am, and then the policelady asked me if i had anything dangerous in my pocket becfore she searched me and i said no and then she found a bottle of poppers and was like "what's this for?" and I said "aaahhhh it gives me a headrush, it's legal" but i think she was waiting for me to say "it opens my bumhole so men can fuck me".
I got fined £275 for the damage a few weeks later. I gave up graffiti but I still get local writers adding me on MSN and stuff asking if I fancy going out painting with them but I always so no then block them.
>>298 go out and vandalise some public property today and take a photo. Though I know this is the kind of thing the average dokyun will make up some lame excuse to get out of doing
>>300
You believers are all stark raving madfellows. I don't mind that you believe a fictional two-dimensional character born of a light novel is lord. But you're destroying society with your ridiculous beliefs. You Haruhi fundamentalist psychotics are so power-mad you stop at nothing. Willful ignorance, intimidation, suppression of information...I feel like /dqn/ is back in the dark ages!! If it was up to you I bet you fools would hold an Inquisition and burn and torture non-believers, despite all your claims that Haruhi is a loving God. Well answer me this. If Haruhi is so powerful why is she so tsundere for boring-ass straight-man Kyon? What kind of Lord shows such human weakness? And if she's so real why does she never answer my daily prayer to lose my virginity?
>>302
Go exploring somewhere you've never been and tell us what you find.
It's too late tonight to bake anything, but here's some bread I made a while back:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v109/naoh37/pan006.jpg
Despite looking a little odd, it was really tasty!
Go outside, find the brightest/prettiest star you can see, then look up its name and report to us.
>>304
With the city lights here, the only constellation I can see this morning is Orion. To the left of that is a star I had heard of but I never knew its exact location until now (DQN taught me something, lol).
Reading up on it, I learned that Sirius (also known as the Dog Star) is a main sequence star a mere 8.6 light years from earth and has a white dwarf twin in its orbit. I did know this before, but it's a fun fact: ancient Greeks believed heat from this star in the night sky contributed to the "dog days of summer."
>>306
Find a hilariously long German word and tell us the meaning of it. The longer the better.
>>305
"Donaudampfschiffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft"
means:
"association of subordinate officials of the head office management of the Danube steamboat electrical services"
>>307
I demand that you demand that you demand that you that you that you you you you y---@:A~T&$#YR$*&Y{=[NO CARRIER]
That's it, show's over guys.
>>308, I take it you can "take care of" any witnesses, yeah?
>>308
What a coincidence; I'd just finished work on my "Put new tires on an AE86 Toyota Corolla and drift until the rear tires pop" simulator v1.0. You'll probably have to download Python to run it.
http://www.mediafire.com/?7crxwhn9cp2wrma
http://www.python.org/getit/
>>310
I demand that you find me a better programming language than Python.
>>309
I found a few.
HQ9+ is superior to Python because it can pass the four standard programming language tests ("hello world", quine, "99 Bottles of Beer", increment) with a lot less code than Python.
http://www.esolangs.org/wiki/HQ9_Plus
Piet is aesthetically superior to Python because the programs are colorful abstract art.
http://www.dangermouse.net/esoteric/piet.html
Shakespeare is aesthetically superior to Python because the programs resemble Shakespeare plays.
http://shakespearelang.sourceforge.net/
>>311
I demand you write something in an esoteric programming language.
>>311
Here you go, in all its unkempt glory.
http://i.imgur.com/CsuWt.jpg
>>313
Smile for me if you can.
>>312
I only took it because I love you, >>312-san.
http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/3830/1105110121.jpg
>>314
Write a poem and post it!
>>313
It's a song I wrote, but it started as a poem:
Never not a blank thought, because it terrifies
C'est la vie, share the feeling, asking If I'm blind
Just because se cannae see the freshly-tarmacced roads
(A hint for question 23: "I love you loads")
The only way to think straight
Is to go around the side
Don't say you lived
When you've only just survived
65,538
We're alive for more than just to procreate
So I said "Okay, I know" but then my glider stalled
So I turned and ran back up my waterfall
The only way to think straight
Is to go around the side
Don't say you lived
When you've only just survived
[ring modulated bass solo]
The only way to think straight
Is to go around the side
Don't say you lived
When you've only just survived
>>314
http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/9/dqnsmile.jpg
>>316
I demand you write your post without looking at the screen or keyboard, except for the captcha. If this is too easy, cross your hands too.
>>315 maybe cos it's datk but you have better teeth than i expecrted from a fokyuin
??317 was 69b ass, wash yohair, veyag ti twwth (o wkkwaw you'll be gtjy)
(aww, off to a good start but i lost my positioning on the keyboard for the demand)
>>319
I vowed to fulfill your demand if nobody had posted after I got home from work, so here you go!
http://iiichan.net/boards/music/src/DQNfreestyle.mp3
Lyrics:
The internet's not a place to be serious
Let's chill, you know, just be mysterious
Copy and paste, that's how I roll
I don't really care if it gets outta control
You posers be thinking while I be feelin
Rappin' up and down from the floor to the ceilin'
You say "VIP" but I'm a DQN
Born on a farm and raised by a hen
Motherfuckers wait all night for quality
I don't wait, I make it, who cares, let's be free
If you care too much you'll be sad and bored
If you just let it go freedom's your reward
Posers be thinking while I be feelin
Rappin' up and down from the floor to the ceilin'
You say "VIP" but I'm DQN
Born on a farm and raised by a hen
>>321
Remix it!
>>320 Golly gosh, that was life-affirming! Whether or not anyone posts after this I'm going to remix it anyway, but I have a job interview now. Or anyone else can remix it too, I'm going to do a weird ambient remix
http://www.kindaikobo.com/staffblog/?p=239
Please comment.
>>327 I just graduated at university and am now on the dole, though I have started up a record label with a friend and the future is quite exciting. On one hand i don't like taking handouts, and I was a bit disappointed my job interview yesterday didn't go well, but on the other hand i like having time to work on my folio and other projects
>>329 post a download link to your, if push comes to shove, alltime favourite album
>>328
http://mediafiresharing.blogspot.com/2009/09/frog-pocket-gonglot.html
>>330
Listen to the whole album once and review it.
>>329
This is an album which, unlike your typical IDM album, conveys some warm feelings besides chaotic and other colder feelings. While it gives you a sense of hope and reminds your emotional self that everything can and will be alright, it also tells you that nothing's easy. This is a feeling which reminisces of World's End Girlfriend.
Its Celtic and dreamy feel isn't overshadowed by its more chaotic sense of emergency, there's a balance here, between what's good and what's complicated in life. It's an album surely many can relate to, as it tells a tale of ups and downs, of dreams and hopes, of living life to it's fullest.
It gives off that intense feeling that you are, one day, going to die, and that you need to make the most out of your life. That you shouldn't waste away your life with idle thoughts, but you should however, have fun in your life. It's important that you do something, that you struggle for everything you want. This is indeed the sense of emergency it conveys.
Vaedre is, in my personal opinion, the best sounding thing in the album, it's a bit like the artist decided to take everything he wanted to put in the album, and decided to make one final push towards showing his true message. And then along comes Sea Angel Lament, with sadder, tiresome feelings creeping through. It's the end of the journey.
All in all, this album could mean nothing to most, and it surely will, but anyone, when given the appropriate time and peace of mind could find everything they want to hear in it. Just like in every other album ever made.
>>331
I command thee to be my friend. My MSN is rupertmariejohanson(at)hotmail(dot)com, if you don't have MSN just e-mail me and let's talk via e-mail.
>>330 I sent you a wee message :3
>>332 record a little message for us using http://audioboo.fm/
>>331
http://audioboo.fm/boos/538737-332
>>333
Make this GET a good one! Other than that, feel free to do whatever.
>>333 well actually I was going to say, before I saw your demand (as I had to click view whole post) that when >>332's recording stopped, I sat for a few minutes in quiet contemplation of what I had just heard, and went on quite a deep mental journey thinking about lots of things, the song seemed to inspire lots of memories within me, and also made me think about the future. Funnily enough I did think about my hands for a bit; I have a date tomorrow with the girl I'm quite certain I shall marry, and she has a thing about my hands, and I was thinking about the time we've spent staring at our interlocked hands. Woah, like, contemplating my hands deep within a meditation on a higher level or something.
Hope you don't mind >>332 if i post this direct link so i can download your recording. http://audioboo.fm/boos/538737-332.mp3 I like you voice. It makes me feel cosy and safe.
>>334 Come find yourself.
>>336 I demand that you add me on MSN! Pidgin is sometimes weird, so if I don't accept, send me an email ~
>>338
I'm going to assume you were talking to me. My favourite mathematical theorem is our dear friend the quadratic formula. I knew it off by heart within a week of being taught it, and frightened small children by repeating it in monotone and telling them that was the sort of thing you had to memorise in maths.
>>340
I demand that you do not in any way mention, hint at or allude to the fact that >>333 says "300" instead of "333".
>>346
Jealous mother takes a life
A life she once held dear
Hides the books of memory
Without a single tear
But when she sees the old piano
It all comes flowing back
Cakes and kids and memory drops
Can't stop guilt and regret
>>348
Find the episode/show this is from. Hint: the poem can be used as lyrics for the episode's theme music.
>>348
Sorry, after I posted I realized my demand was a bit silly and regretted it. If you search youtube for Clonico it might be the second result or so?
Anyway, two semi-amusing anecdotes to make up for how neither is that amusing:
I was at an event with a friend when A reporter came up and interviewed us. I didn't speak much and let my friend answer all the questions. When the paper came out, it quoted me as saying everything my friend had said, and didn't mention him at all.
I asked a group of middle schoolers to choose what they would take to survive on a deserted island from a collection of things. 20% of them chose a dog -- to use as food. Three of them chose the gun -- to kill themselves.
>>350
Tell me an average anecdote!
>>349 i was on one of those camgirl sites the other night, you know where they go on webcam to shake their jiggly bits and i've mucked about a few times the past few days but this time i went in and there was a woman slapping her bum-bum and other guys saying things like "mmm bb u so fine" and "take it off" and she seemed to be enjoying the attention, then I said "I'M GONNA FEED MY CHILDREN NON-ORGANIC FOOD, AND WITH THE MONEY SAVED TAKE THEM TO THE ZOO" and she stopped gyrating, closed her legs, sat up with a confused look on her face and scratched her head a bit, and all the conversation died. Then she lay down again and gradually got back into the swing of things, so i left because i just wasn't interested any more.
>>351 post the nicest thing anyone's ever said to
>>351
I can't actually think of anything other than a pretty standard "you are fucking retarded and should stop posting until you understand the community better because you're making all of us look like dicks" aimed at me and some other guys on another board. Day 1 registrant elitists are good at throwing that kind of drama out after some years, I've found.
IRL, I was always that quiet guy sitting in the back. I didn't really get any comments at all. Nobody liked me, but nobody hated me enough to call me names either. I've changed a bit since then but the people I've done stuff with since then were too mature for namecalling. Probably for the better.
>>353
Post the meanest thing you've ever said to someone, and reflect on if it was truly appropriate or just a heat of the moment thing.
>>352
Oh, god. There were so many brutal comments exchanged between my first ex and I (we were 14 and 16, respectively) I can't even begin to enumerate them. Putting two vindictive, bi-polar, narcissistic, intelligent cynics together is the worst idea ever. Maybe the meanest thing I'd said was when I went off about how she should, in all honestly, just kill herself and save me all her problems. Or something as simple as, a few years later, giving a calm dissertation on why I hate her, the way she thinks, the people she knows and the life she leads.
None of it was appropriate. I could definitely have afforded to be a better friend after we'd broken up and she'd moved away. But I was just tired of being someone she constantly depended on to cry about situations she got herself into, soon thereafter hounding me for not knowing what the fuck I could say that she wouldn't immediately disregard.
>>354
Tell us your opinion of yourself.
>>354
A cursory check reveals that it seems to be up right now. Unless by "up" you mean "up in quality", which I doubt will ever happen.
>>356
Post your five oldest bookmarks.
(I don't know about other browsers but firefox can sort bookmarks by date added; it's a little harder if you have lots of folders, but you can just spend a couple minutes copying everything into one temporary folder and then sort it.)
I'm on safari so just doing it by memory
I woke up 2 hours ago at 3pm, and i've been talking to a hot babe online since I got up. I also went for a jobby and read my Sgt. Frog book while i was there. I might go play some infamous and i might go buy doughnuts too.
>>360 buy yourself a big cake and eat it all
>>359
I couldn't find a cake so I bought a big castella and ate it all instead. It was castella quality!
http://i.imgur.com/1M8bB.jpg
>>361
Post with a prime number of words.
>>368
http://tanasinn.info/wiki/Title
I contributed a couple tracks!
But you've probably already seen that so I'll show you something else I'm proud of.
http://agargara.iiichan.net/misc/swhj/195.html
>>371
Spend an hour reading through a random friend's social network history, preferably somebody you don't really know, then post a one-paragraph summary of that person's life here. If you're not into social networking then spend an hour going through some random person's livejournal.
>>370
This person is currently not in relationships (apparently he dreams about the day when he finally finds a woman of easy virtue with well-developed secondary sex characteristics). He has a new car which was a gift from his parents (he boasts about it, yet he complains about lack of funds). He visits nightclubs often (he likes RnB and dubstep). Either he has low salary or he is "between jobs".
>>372
Make a video of you playing Touhou.
>>373
I was going to play KOLM II but it told me to play KOLM I first so I played Freeway Fury 2 instead.
A brief opening comic-style cinematic explains the protagonist's motivation. An impatient athletic commuter stuck in traffic is overtaken by Fury. He punches his way out of his car and begins leaping from vehicle to vehicle -- to escape what turns out to be surprisingly light traffic. The moment our road-raging anti-hero crashes through a windshield, rather than swerve out of control and crash, the vehicle actually continues in a straight line, and even begins to speed up. Some sort of mysterious power awards him with "nitro" for these violent invasions of private property.
Not only can this madman leap ridiculously long distances and instantly take control of any vehicle, he is also gifted with control over time itself. Truly this man's fury has gone beyond any mortal road rage, and entered the realm of the occult. He has clearly traded his life for the unholy ability to slow time. And so he proceeds, remorselessly smashing and leaping, destroying all cars in his path. The bloodshed only feeds his strength.
But at the end of it all, when the hero has crossed the finish line and arrived at his terminus, perhaps he will begin to reflect. As his demonic road-rage subsides, he will slowly being to realize the consequences of his actions. When he closes his eyes he will see broken skulls, lifeless eyes, motherless children, childless mothers. Was the havoc he wreaked worth the few precious minutes he spared? All those lives lost, families destroyed, commuters inconvenienced? But it is too late for repentance. His soul is forever lost. He is beyond forgiveness, doomed to a Sisyphean life of ceaseless freeway destruction.
Apparently some sort of boss appears after completing all possible routes, but I quit after completing the main route. I can only assume that the "boss" is the protagonist forced to confront his inner demons. Overwhelmed by the monster he's become, he is faced with the choice of harnessing the last bit of humanity left deep inside of him to destroy himself, or fully completing his transformation into a Chaos God.
>>375
Reply to five different threads in /love/ with esoteric advice.
>>374
Okay then:
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1319120416/20
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1318968831/11
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1321350138/6
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1223204821/48
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1310938293/10
>>376
I demand that you give a detailed account of the worst physical injury you have ever received.
>>375
I was at daycare. We were outside, where the caretakers wouldn't have to be fucked to keep us entertained. Two of my pals were sitting on either end of the teeter-totter.
"Come play with us, ( ˃ ˂)!"
But there are only two seats on the teeter-totter... where was I to sit? And that's when I proved that I am DQN. I decided, "I'll just sit in the middle! It won't be comfortable, but at least I'll be in the good company of my chums!"
So I ran. And I tripped. And, with my mouth open, my two front teeth in my upper gums were driven deep within my mouth on the cold, taunting steel of the teeter-totter. My teeth were now lodged in the depths of gums, and I was reduced to a mess of blood and screams. My friends and I panicked and the teachers called my mother.
>>376
Do you like teeter-totters? Tell me, >>376. Describe how you feel about teeter-totters.
Well >>376, I guess you're talking to me and not yourself but I will ask, has that given you a phobia about teeter-totters in the rest of your life? We call them "seesaws" here. I guess I like them though I've never spent much time on one. I used to have this plastic all-in-one kind of seesaw when i was really wee, but I rarely played on it. I often filled it up with water though, there was a hole in the bottom I'd stick the garden hose in. One time I stuck it in, and hanked it so it stayed inside it filling it up with water. Then my mum called me in for dinner, so I left it and went and sat at the table to eat my dinner. After a few minutes there was a sudden loud crack as the hose hit the window and sprayed water everywhere as it did the kind of dance that only garden hoses spraying water with some force can do. I shat myself.
>>378 what is your favourite condiment?
>>379
I played Popotan when I was 19. It was in Japanese, so I kind of loitered around hoping for the best. It was pretty cute. I enjoyed the idea of me being closer to characters of Caramelldansen than most of the nerds who visited that certain flash board.
>>381
Judge >>379 for his choice of music and make >>378 change his mind in favour of All Alone for Christmas (pmix) by Captain Obvious. It might be obvious for us, but it will certainly take commoners by surprise.
>>380 okay
>>379 It's a good song but Bach is too damn obvious. >>378 should instead go with captain obvious. A Bach prelude in a DJ set is just gonna make people sigh and shake their heads, but All Alone for Christmas is not only appropriate considering the situation, but will give those uncultured swine a real taste of our finely-honed traditional music. Also as a user of DQN it is your duty and refusing to comply will mean that we'll always recognize >>378 as a traitor, a plebeian and a no-good scallywag.
>>382 Marathon no less than 5 films where Nicolas Cage plays the lead role and tell us the impact this had on your fragile psyche.
>>382
I lived for 15 years with a father who suffered early-onset dementia. It's part of the reason I can be so cold and detached as to feel zero remorse for any act of questionable morality. Also, I took on his degenerative, solitary behavior to the point where I've become a hikikomori.
>>384
Commit a random act of generosity in your MMO of choice by gifting a valuable item or appreciable amount of currency.
