Lame Confessional [LAME] [#2] (494)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7184 22:14

Last night I stayed with my girlfriend at her parents' house, and I dreamt that I was having sex with someone, and I could push a button and my sexual partner changed through different people, and I flicked through until it was a fat old granny, and I was pumping away then I woke up and realised I'd ejaculated in my girlfriend's parents' guest bed.

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7185 04:01

To this day, I don't know what the cc and bcc things in email do. And I've never bothered to look it up.

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7185 10:32

CC means carbon copy, as a relic from when emails were printed on paper by hand and transferred onto carbon paper during the printing process. So it's like being sent the email directly as in the To: field but it's not exactly addressed to you, only being brought to your attention.
BCC means blind carbon copy and I'm pretty sure it's the same thing, but as a recipient, you don't know who else it was sent to.
Neither are that useful as everyone should just have mailing lists.
The More You Know™

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7185 18:28

I just click on Reply All button in Outlook.

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7185 20:04

I occasionally masturbate to SJIS art.

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7185 23:01

These sound less like lame confessions and more like actual ones all the time.

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7186 22:00

>>6 They're all pretty lame though. You DQN crazies are lamewads lol

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7187 05:19

I want to say certain nasty things about various companies in my industry on the Internet but don't want to jeopardize my chances at getting employed.

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7187 08:55

I secretly misplaced my friend's notebook because he was slightly mean.

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7187 16:50

I stole ’2 from my 3-year-old nephew to buy an energy drink.

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7189 18:28

I like things more than I let on

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7191 08:55

Every time I see blurred out windows in Top Gear, I stop enjoying it and have to repeat to myself that "it's still fun".

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7198 19:15

I almost lied in response to just to demand something myself, but the opportunity to cheer somebody up or make them think is actually a good idea.

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7219 08:56

I'm scared of embarrassing myself in public.

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7219 23:18

Everything I post here is true.

16 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7221 20:49

I tell everyone that I'm an avid C++ programmer, when in reality I'm not.

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7221 23:13

Occasionally I go on Google Translate and type in something like "‚¨ŒZ‚¿‚á‚ñ‘åD‚«" just to click on the listen button and hear it said in the cute Japanese woman's voice.

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7221 23:26

>>16 is that even something one would desire to brag about? That's like bragging about how many fetid pine cones one can hold in one's nostrils.

Anyway I spent all day programming when it's the first time I've seen my family since finals.

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7221 23:33

Swedish translation has a very sexy voice. Use it if you want to pretend that you are innocent little brother!

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7221 23:38

I forgot a </i> in the captcha thread.

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7225 07:05

I ignored the sign and threw cardboard down the garbage chute.

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7226 04:04

I pee in sinks sometimes.

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7228 20:47

I just masturbated to a video of a woman in her underwear wearing cat ears and crawling around and making hand gestures like a cat.

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7228 21:12

I want to know where to find >>23's video.

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7228 21:52

I was at a family party, for a relative's birthday. Instead of eating and conversing with the guests, I hid in the shed nearby and listened to music.

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7234 00:04

I love playing piano, but I lack the focus to keep practicing for more than 10 minutes at a time, so I never get much better at it.

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7235 23:36

I don't know how adult world works.

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7240 13:51

I asked for help and argued about a technical problem without reading the manual or googling it first.

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7240 18:08

I stayed an extra half-hour at the swimming pool after my time was up.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7241 04:37

I refilled my coffee cup with soda.

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7245 23:38

If MODD applied fusianasan magic to my posts I would be deeply embarrassed.

32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7278 21:32

I become deeply upset when people here post - or even just allude to - Touhou pornography. The Touhou project has been a major part of my life. It has helped me through difficult times, has shaped my life philosophy, and has done far more for me than other people ever have. I view the characters not as friends or acquaintances - we have, after all, never met - but instead almost as a part of me.

Thus, to see them reduced to mere objects to serve your bodily lust is nothing short of a travesty. I am usually reasonably good at empathy, but such an act simply stirs my emotions too much for me to be able to "live and let live" or anything similar. The best I can do is ignore it, and that isn't much of a solution - especially when it is waved in front of my face by fellow posters here.

I hate that I am posting this, because I know that people reading this who have sexualised Touhou may feel unnecessarily guilty for my sake. Well, an open message to anyone reading this: if you care even slightly about my plight, please, I beg of you, don't post anything here related to Touhou pornography, and don't encourage or respond to others who do. I've no doubt there are plenty of other places on the internet far away from the eyes of overly sensitive fools such as myself.

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7284 08:49

I'm disappointed when a jar is easy to open because I can't show off my manly strength.

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7284 12:17

The first time I read SICP I didn't attempt any of the exercises.
Maybe it wouldn't all seem so elementary if I did.

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7285 16:37

I'm gonna go read "Reimu Surrenders and is Destroyed" now.

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7285 17:15

Oh God, please provide the video

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7285 19:28

This afternoon my mom asked me to open a jar. It took both of us, using both hands and rubber gloves. what the christ man

Granted, it was a fucking awkward shaped jar she probably wants to use as a vase that doesn't give you anywhere to grab one handed but shit was tight yo.

It probably wouldn't; a common criticism of SICP (less valid now that there are such things as Wikipedia and Google and plenty of solution attempts posted online) is that it asks all sorts of domain-specific questions where you wouldn't know where the goddamn to begin looking them up if you were a frosh, which I secret suspect may have been a ploy to weed out the students that don't have the balls to ask a professor or TA.

Unless your intent is just to say "I've read SICP" then congrats I guess.

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7286 14:58

That's not lame.
It's kinda cute and much more socially acceptable than the monstrosities I masturbate to.

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7287 22:08

At 30 years old, I still relate to the lyrics of Linkin Park songs sometimes.

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7288 01:45

My girlfriend does that, usually I find it cute but sometimes the 'nyan' every oter sentence gets on my nerves.

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7289 06:16

A long time ago, I got it into my head somehow that moot was going to shut down 4chan later that day, so I started posting shit to /b/ about Zero Hour Approaching. Unlike my usual posts, Zero Hour gained traction and got out of my control. When Zero Hour came and went with nothing happening, I just posted "Well, shit." and then went to bed.

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7289 07:56

Ugh, shit like that made me dump mine. I enjoy the peace of mind ever since.

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7289 11:48

>>41 Was that around 2009 when MGS4 was coming out? moot changed the board heading to "/b/ has changed" and the MGS4 theme played in the background? But since it hadn't came out yet most didn't get the reference and thought 4chan was getting shut down. That was the last time I was on 4chan* but I'd been bored of it for a while and visiting less, and I realised there were plenty more interesting places to discuss things on the Internet

*except yesterday to look at /a/ for the first time ever, just to see what it was like

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7289 16:29

No, this was sometime before 2005.

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7289 20:16

Oh, yeah, the I Love Japan thread was calling Japan a dirty slut back then in 4chan's text boards.

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7304 18:39

Everything I know about smoking I learned from Ichigo Mashimaro.

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7304 23:40

Sometimes I crave a cigarette even though I never smoke.
I think I posted this somewhere on DQN before too, but I'm going to again anyway.

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 10:45

I always want to post in the Ctrl-V thread, but I rarely do, either because I don't have text in my clipboard, or it's something personal that I copied inadvertently during a private chat.

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7307 12:58

A couple of times when I was feeling generally anxious I wanted to smoke too. This is probably because I've seen nervous people smoke. Still, I was able to restrain myself.

50 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7321 00:26 made me laugh so hard I cried.

51 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7321 13:47


>What do you call Suigintou when she smoked a lot of weed?
>A JUNKie!

What? That's not what a junkie is...

On topic, in restaurants that have tables where you can help yourself to condiment sachets, I always stuff my pockets with them, even sauces I don't like.

52 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7322 13:26

Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light, darns you to heck for this.

53 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7322 17:03

I like Dilbert a little too much. Enough to pick up that reference.

54 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7330 22:37

I'm intensely jealous of that guy who claims to have dreamed about Everybody Loves Clonepa.

55 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7330 22:41

wwhy shrek is piss

... I have watched that video ._.

56 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7330 22:49

I meant actual Dilbert comic strips which is quite a bit more worthy of a lame confession.

57 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7330 22:54

They were awful, and yet I laughed at every one of them.

58 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7333 16:52

I only started watching anime in early 2013

59 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7333 20:42

So, you became one of those, about whom you used to make "funny" "ironic" jokes?

60 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7333 21:01

I had a horrible time reading and rereading >>59 despite having no connections with >>57 or his predicament.

61 Name: 58 : 1993-09-7334 00:49

Actually, I'd always thought of anime people as a superior group, higher that game people and programmer people. My beautiful image was quickly ruined though, as I realised that most people who talk about anime online are idiots. It was very sad.

62 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7334 05:06

I wish I could find the Zelda CD-I Youtube Poop where the guy with the key is sentence mixed to say "Move your ass to shit on this gay cock". I have a growing suspicion that it was removed, though.

I think they also removed the Dr. Dreadful one where he says "You can make lots of gross semen that tastes gross, from my penis that tastes great". :(

63 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7334 08:26

I'm a programmer person and most programmer people are also quite stupid. It's subtle, though.

64 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7334 10:40

I'm a programmed person and beep boop.

65 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7334 17:04

I used to think I was a superior person, but then I realized I'm actually quite stupid.

66 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7335 00:42

We've all been teenagers.

67 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7335 05:54

A friend of mine has the habit of always saving everything he likes online. He has multiple terabytes of videos ripped from YouTube, hundreds of games, a massive music collection, and a bunch of websites including a full mirror of Wikipedia that he keeps up to date - all neatly filed away and catalogued on a network server that's connected to a blazing fast LAN.

I think if the internet ever completely disappears, he could probably restore half of it himself.

68 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7335 15:44

>>67 does he have a copy of penn humps the ice king?

69 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7335 20:48

>>67 He could set up a site that hosts videos that get taken down, and help people stitch their favourites back together?

70 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7337 13:25

I'd like to see a united Sweden-Finland, just for there to be a country whose outline looks like a cock and balls.

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7346 22:25

Whenever I see nonsense words, I have to read them backwards to see if they make any more sense that way.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7350 23:17

I made a sincere, corrective wikipedia edit.

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7366 16:52

I hold a lot of grudges; I'm just really bad at maintaining them.

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7366 21:42


It does look like that. Too bad this is no longer a country.

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7366 21:43

I just put my hand under my laptop to warm it up.

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7367 02:13

For the longest time I thought she was "Rogue the Bat."

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7368 21:56

I'm still in middle school

78 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7368 21:59

I'm in my final year in middle school

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7369 01:56

>>76 she is kind of a "rogue", so it's understandable.

Related; my confession is that I still like Sonic Adventure 2.

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7374 05:06

I like to search for lesbian incest-themed pictures on pixiv and booru sites, especially mother-daughter. I do this at home on a computer nobody else uses, with the blinds closed.

81 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7390 20:25

I sometimes post kopipe on /a/

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7397 17:53

A few days ago I tried playing Runescape for the first time in many years. I used to play it an awful lot when I was younger, and came to be really rather good at it. I found that it has changed to an extraordinary extent (not surprising; it's been several years) but I somehow feel like I'm betraying my younger self by not being outraged at these changes. Actually, they were all pretty sensible and the greatest criticism I can give is that they make the game slightly too easy in some ways.

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7397 23:09

I'll continue gaming confessions. Personally, I believe that gaming is not lame but in certain situations it became so. OR well, the confessions themselves in this thread could be just lame like this one, right?

So, anyway, I just finished a good round in BF4 and after initial frustration I must report that the patch made this game a bit less stable but a bit better. Still close quarters encounters feel as if I'm against MLG PROs most of the time which is ridiculous. I could dominate other players easier in BF3, so it must have something to do with the new netcode and my webconnection.

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7399 08:21

My greatest internet legacy remains creating Lame Confessional #1

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7400 01:54

i like steering towards shota even though i'm not really into the whole shota thing.

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7400 12:02

I keep having recurring nightmares where I must repeat second grade.
Like if Billy Madison was a psychological horror flick.

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7413 01:36

I was disappointed when I realized that Adventure Call was just a spoof and not a real game show.

88 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7413 17:01

I smoked a cigarette once but I always tell people I never have.

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7418 15:24

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7429 11:55

I had a nightmare that you were all laughing and picking on me because I missed a 2 GET

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7430 00:23

Back when I had a Yahoo e-mail account, I would always flag Yahoo's promotional mailings with the "This is Spam" button.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7430 03:11

I did the same thing when I had Hotmail.

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7434 01:51

I'm a guy and I think lesbian porn is stupid and boring.

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7434 04:17

I'm a guy and I think faux lesbian porn is for guys afraid that seeing a penis might make them gay, or those that just publicly pretend to like it to affirm their straightness. Lame Confession: I know because I was the latter guy in the past.

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7434 04:46

i read my captcha as wasnt codeine
i just really really want some codeine

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 18:02

I like making strangers laugh on imageboards.
Here's how it usually goes down:

  1. Lurk until I find an opportunity to make a joke.
  2. Think of a funny reply, and laugh about the idea for five minutes.
  3. Post it, and laugh for another five minutes.
  4. Somone replies to me with a reaction image, then I imagine that person laughing about my post and I laugh for ten minutes.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7436 01:27

I'm a guy and I think yuri is the pinnacle of beauty, and that little other human creation can even come close to competing; a good yuri manga can put me in a good mood all day, and it is one of the greatest tragedies of my life that none of the lesbians I've met in person have been anything like those found in most yuri related media.

On the other hand, I agree that lesbian porn is stupid and boring.

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7445 23:25

I still suck my thumb.

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 00:49

I totally bailed on a show with my best/only friend a couple nights ago because panic attacks are no fun. Don't mind me, just gonna go do my agoraphobe thang now.

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 09:59

I must admit that I like cute things a lot.

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 12:58

I used to get around the filters at school by looking at porn through google images and rubbing my pants, until one day the window I was looking at suddenly closed by itself. I assume someone in the office monitoring them closed it but I never heard anything about it

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 13:09

My mother bought me a pair of mittens because she knew I liked them. I was slightly disappointed that they were the convertible type (with flaps that go over the fingers) rather than purebreed mittens.

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 13:26

I can't find a man-sized pair of purebreed mittens and had to make do with the same kind that >>102 has.

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7449 16:30

I misread the cuniculus of Oryctolagus cuniculus as cunnilingus.

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7468 21:56

When I was a kid, I thought the word "penis" came from that it was for peeing through. I also don't remember if I confessed this somewhere on the thread before and I can't be arsed to check.

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7469 00:34

I still lurk DQN.

107 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7469 01:19

I egged some VIPPER on too much and accidentally ruined an OK thread. Sorry OP if you're reading this.

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7469 19:26


I'm the OP of that thread, and no worries, sir! I remade the thread better than ever.

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7487 18:37

I was going to steal some girl's unattended underwear from the laundrette, but then I noticed that there was a security camera in the corner and got scared and left.

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7488 14:23

I once saw a chick with a huge rack wearing a T-shirt that said "LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH" across her tits. I was tempted to ask her "Does that mean I can look all I want?" but I was too chicken to.

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7488 15:19

>>110 Shoulda gone for it. Chicks dig that kind of cockiness.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7488 17:34

>>110 That makes me think of a girl I met. Her shirt said "Hello. I am ^ up here" She really needed it.

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7494 19:22

Whenever I see the word "Turducken" my mind wands to split it up as "turd-ucken".

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7495 01:25

I care more about the hibernating butterfly on my windowsill than about any real life people I know. If it doesn't wake up in spring, I shall be extremely distraught.

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7509 21:56

When I see something prefaced with "the truth about..." I mentally prepare myself for it to be a pack of lies.

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7510 09:59

I was really tired when I woke up this morning, and I thought "Oh no! I must have forgotten that it's daylight saving's time, and now I've had an hour's less sleep! But it wasn't daylight savings. I just wanted more sleep, as usual.

117 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7510 15:57

I say it as "turd ducken"

118 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 17:11

I still find myself beginning to type "iichan" in my browser's address bar sometimes.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 17:55

The truth about things prefaced with "the truth about" is that they're all packs of lies.


120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 18:33

I watched the entirety of I loved every second of it.

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 19:12

Got to admit those are some pretty pro moves, though I ended up pausing around the 7 and a half minute mark.

122 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7513 12:28

I saw a link to "The Thing with the Quivering Jaw" on that Yume Nikki wiki and thought for a moment it said "The Thing with the Quivering Jew".

123 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7525 00:40

*You know me so well, I'm going through hell
Won't you please, follow me?*

When I heard these lyrics without looking at the text, I heard it as "I'm going TO hell" and thought they were pretty poignant lines. I don't like the real ones quite as well.

124 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7525 04:23

I have experienced the same symptom, when I first looked up the lyrics for Pink Floyd's ``One of These Days''. It got so bad for me that I intentionally started listening to music in languages I couldn't understand. That way I can listen to singers with nice voices and imagine the words are better than they probably are.

The downside is that the names of artists and albums all run together after a while, so I can't remember what I actually liked and re-listen to it.

125 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7525 04:49

But then you might listen to a song about some trolls (the D&D kind) beating the shit out of a couple of gay priests in a sauna until the building collapses, and never even realize it.

126 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7525 10:37

For the longest time I had a hypothesis that popularity of J-Pop, J-Rock, their Scandinavian alternatives (and the rest) in foreign countries stems from the fact that those listeners are unlikely to understand the lyrics, no matter how awkward or annoying they are.

127 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7525 15:26

(L¥ƒÖ¥) Don't worry. It'll be back up in two weeks.

128 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7525 16:02

Whenever I've just finished cooking and the hob is still hot, I rinse my hand or a wooden spoon or whatever happens to be at hand and dramatically spray the hob with drops of water, creating a hissing noise and a puff of steam. While doing this I like to pretend to be a wizard, casting spells on things.

129 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7537 16:55

Sometimes I think I'm the only person who thinks that Half-Life sucked.

130 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7538 01:58

Better to have experienced such a thing and not known it than to have never experienced it at all.

131 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7538 15:14


  1. Cook something really steamy like pasta, or just boil the kettle
  2. Grab a ladle and stand at the other side of the room
  3. Wave the ladle around like you're throwing it at the steam
  4. Enjoy your new powers

132 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 00:43

Some dork with a clipboard intercepted me on the way to lunch to ask me if I'd help stop gay bullying. When I asked if he meant stopping gays from bullying everyone else, he got confused and I went and got lunch.

133 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 03:19

Knock yourself out, then:

...what? You thought I was just making up an absurd example? (Ok, so I guess I inferred the "gay" part rather than it being said explicitly, but otherwise, yeah...)

134 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 12:15

Impressive. If I didn't know the contents, I would have considered that unimpressive. With context, it was somewhat entertaining. I had no idea that Folk Metal was a genre.

135 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7540 20:52

I once got bullied by a gay guy in middle school and he wouldn't stop trying to touch my body.

I'm glad that I wasn't raped.

136 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7541 13:13

Tasting Faygo is still on my list of things to do before I die even though I'm not a Juggalo or even that much of a fan of the Insane Clown Posse.

(I do kind of like ICP just because they make me laugh, though, which I suppose is a lame confession in and of itself.)

137 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7562 03:36

yesterday i put a brand new, clean toothbrush in my vagina to see what it would feel like. i cleaned it off afterwards. today i might do the same thing again.

138 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7639 13:09

Sometimes I like to split the word "warthog" as "War Thog" when I read it, and imagine an orclike creature geared for battle.

139 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7639 19:27

Faygo is nothing special. In the Detroit area it's just a brand of inexpensive soft drinks that the supermarkets sell.

I have a different problem. I'm stuck in Michigan for the foreseeable future and I crave birch beer. Birch beer is a soft drink manufactured and sold only in Delaware, New Jersey, and eastern Pennsylvania. It's sort of like root beer but less sweet, with a stronger, sharper flavor that has overtones of ginger and mint.

140 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7639 20:16

Interned at Kass, Shuler Law Firm for a year. Direct experience with scheduling litigations/court dates, file work (on and off the computer), and assitant work.

141 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7644 12:44

Whenever I read a description of a woman's hair as being in ringlets, I always imagine it as being in ringlets.

142 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7644 18:17

So? How did it feel? I would imagine you wouldn't feel much.

143 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7644 22:06

I am not a juggalo and I don't live anywhere near detroit(like 4-5 states away), but faygo is excelent. I drank a faygo redpop once and it was life-changing.

144 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7645 12:08

I'm eating hot dogs with ketchup on them for breakfast.
Where does the whole "never put ketchup on a hot dog" thing come from, anyway?

145 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7645 20:20

It comes from the fact that ketchup on a hot dog is disgusting. Mustard, absolutely. Onions, sure. Relish is good too. But ketchup?

146 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7646 04:27

In southeast Michigan, the REAL "ghetto" soft drink is a brand called Towne Club. That and cheap store-brand/generic Kool-Ade.

147 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7647 00:53

I still prefer "same fag" over "jisaku jien".

148 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7647 22:18

>>144 I have never heard of this...
>>145 what??
>>147 I distance myself from all those -fag terms used on imageboards (newfag, samefag, tripfag etc.) because I always picture it coming from those kind of people who think they're really edgy being part of the 4chan club, using other offensive terms just to sound hard or something. And while I sort of agree, that words are just arranged sounds, and that any meanings or offence found in them comes from within the person hearing them, it just seems immature to use them so lightly.

149 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7652 17:03

>>148 distancefag

150 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7664 01:54

It was really bristly and pokey and kinda hurt the side of my vag, lol. I have a relatively small vag, I think. I couldn't really maneuver it in there as well as I thought I would be able to. I guess it felt about how I would have expected.

151 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7666 03:43

I used to think that Lo Wang in Shadow Warrior (the fuckin' original, not the remake/reboot/what the fuck ever) said "EAT THIS, PINCER DICK!" I'm pretty sure now that it was probably meant to be "pencil dick", but the mental image of a "pincer dick" remains with me.

He also said something that always sounded to me like nothing quite like "Sucks on balls, squashy penis." I'm still not sure what that one's really supposed to be.

152 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7666 13:00

>>151 How about you moon me?

153 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7767 16:17

I kind of want to try that now. I don't want to waste my toothbrush though. I wonder what I should do...

154 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7767 16:59

>>153 Just use one at the end of its life. Who cares if it's a bit minty?

My lame confession is I'm half kind of only posting this to get a more usable-in-a-sentence captcha than cholbile.

155 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7767 17:10


Did you brush your teeth with that toothbrush afterwards?

Asking for a friend...

156 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7774 21:40

Add "Mr. Brain's Pork Faggots" alongside Faygo to my list of food and drink I want to try before I die. This one may be more difficult as I don't think you can get 'em stateside.

157 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7774 22:37

Faygo is alright, Juggalos mostly buy it because they are unemployable manchildren and it's cheap. There are better cheap sodas out there though.

158 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7774 22:39

Also, my lame confession is that one time my mother almost walked in on me washing an onahole in the bathroom sink.

159 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7777 20:43

Listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D makes me feel more sad than relaxed.

160 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 19:19

Up until about 5 minutes ago I thought narwhals were creatures of myth.

161 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7779 20:03

Instead of just moving my mouse from one place to another using the shortest path (typically a straight line unless there's an issue with the placement of my mouse on the mouse pad), I actually make it dance around, like in circles and patterns.
Sometimes I listen to music and play around with the cursor in time with the beat.

162 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7780 04:33

>>161 That makes me think of something many Mega Man players do. Sometimes they fire the megabuster in synch with the game music.

I tried it, but I never do it right.

163 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7786 07:14

Sometimes I worry I'll destroy my penis with too much masturbation.

164 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7786 09:52

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

165 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7786 09:55

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

166 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7787 08:26

yes, but i washed it off first.

167 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 15:47

I take a guilty pleasure in making gaynus jokes (which I first learned here). I also had my interest in Uranus renewed by a lecturer who tried to avoid negative implications by calling the planet "Urinus". This is utterly worse. The brain is already processing "Your anus" and then it gets peed into.
I avoid contemplating about impression left on my peers by these jokes.

Please be careful with bristle hardness. I thought this was all about the wider end of an electric toothbrush at first.

168 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 17:27

During my upbringing most people pronounced it the "Urinous" way, so it took me a while to figure out why Uranus jokes were supposed to be funny.

Also, I was very disappointed to discover after downloading it that "Ubangis from Uranus" is just generic interracial porn, and not a sci-fi spoof.

169 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7789 21:30

If they really want to refer to the planet between Saturn and Neptune without also referring to anatomy, they could pronounce the name /ˈjʊərənəs/. That would at least give some kind of historical credence.

170 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 02:19

Keeping with an old tradition of omitting "os" in those old words, the planet is called "„T„‚„p„~" ("ouran") in Russian. Can't really make a pun with it.

171 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 04:14

I find XKCD unfunny.

172 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 09:52

That's not lame. I never found it that funny; I stopped reading quickly after I realised just how many strips were about breast milk and Megan, the only female ever depicted. It got weird fast.

173 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 11:18

Not to be that guy but I really think it was funnier a few years ago. Maybe The Big Bang Theory just ruined the whole "nerdy science joke lol so quirky" format for me but it seems like Randall really jumped the shark after he tried to do that Megan cancer story arc thing. But once every few months or so I'm reminded that it exists by a post like this and forced to go look through the new comics, hoping that maybe they stopped sucking and started being funny again and I am disappointed every time.

174 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 14:23

> The Big Bang Theory just ruined the whole "nerdy science joke lol so quirky"

I don't really see how. Most of the jokes have more to do with how socially inept they are. The whole "nerds" thing is just a backdrop (granted, an easy choice to make for the premise to be believable), and you don't have to "get" "nerdy science" at all. There's even barely any pop sci references, which is an achievement considering how much "nerdy humour" is about referencing things.

Conclusion: "nerdy science joke lol so quirky" probably ruined itself without any help from Friends v2.0.

175 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 14:41

I think I stopped reading before any of that even happened.

176 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 15:19

I really have no recollection of said strips. I heard something about them and that they were very personal, but I don't think I would be left prejudiced against xkcd after that. AFAIK, Megan is just a name for a generic female character. Large portion of his jokes are related to computers and space (be it science, engineering or "average user's problems"), and I find them entertaining. I haven't checked the site for a few weeks, but I like the last few comics. Plus Randall makes amusing diagrams like or megaprojects like "Time" or "Lorenz". Sometimes his comic require a little extra explanation but mostly he does a good job keeping them simple.

[Lame confession?]: I usually take months-long break between checking various comics. The longest was Homestuck of MS Paint Adventures: I enjoyed Problem Sleuth (driven by user suggestions), so I was happy to see a comic about some homely kid and weird things that started happening to him. But a year without it (suggestion box was no more), I just felt completely left out. It seems that Homestuck is a great success for the author judging by lots of music, art and all sorts of crap for sale, but I just shrug.

TBBT played some classic science jokes and geek stereotypes well, but in just a few seasons it slumped from nerdy comedy into romantic comedy (catering to "target audience"?). One of the biggest problems is that characters are "Mary Sue of nerdom": they are scientists, programmers, gamers, comic fans, etc – all outstanding. Yet these ultranerds are inconsistent with their own biases, often contradicting themselves for the sake of making another joke (best example is Sheldon). Plus the time frame feels weird, apparently a few years have passed since season 1, our heroes are more mature and experienced now, but at the same time they look and act the same. I would have liked it if it was about perpetual (like Bart Simpson!) "young scientists" getting on with their peaceful lives with more old physics jokes.

177 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 15:41

xkcdisntfunny ogspotblay dot couk

178 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7790 16:30

A man earned himself his own antagonist. Now, that's a success.

179 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 00:14

everyone here feels this way i thought

my lame confession is that i think dinosaur comics is somewhat better (but still overuses jokes often)

180 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 12:14

The only person I know who actually likes XKCD is a pretentious pseudointellectual twat.

181 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 12:46

Not enough murder and rape in that comic to get the blood going, isn't it?

182 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 13:58

ugh shut up

183 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 15:07

Yeah-yeah, your irrational and disproportional love and hate of xkcd is lame. Let's get this THREAD back on track.

184 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 19:50

Why do XKCD fans get so booty-bothered and defensive when someone says they don't like it?
I can't think of any other shitty webcomic following that gets this upset over differing opinions.

185 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7791 20:20

I haven't been here in a while, it's been maybe 2 years and even then I only stopped in for a second

186 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 00:14

Whenever I attempt to grow moustache, I start nervously biting on them once they are long enough thus making them look very uneven.

187 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 00:24

I tried to edit a wiki yesterday, and couldn't find the edit button for a moment because I was expecting it to say "raep", as on

188 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 02:52

>>186 Don't grow a mustache. Little girls with mustaches are not cute.

189 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 05:50

My lame confession is that I purposely derailed the grinding noises thread for a few posts with that free software argument just to see how our beloved maim master would incorporate it into the story.

190 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 18:23

It was transparent enough.

191 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 18:33

It's moustache with beard – so it isn't that "your quiet weird neighbour" thing – but biting the former is much easier, it's like biting your upper lip... and then pushing down the upper lip.

192 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 18:50

Lame confession: I constantly pose as other people on anonymous boards just so I am able to post what I deem as witty replies in their stead. I can't help it.

193 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 19:40

Lame confession: Sometimes I use the "ITT the previous poster is a nerd" to confirm my nerdiness.

194 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7792 20:23

>>191 Shave your beard. Little girls with beards are not cute.

195 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7793 04:33

wrong, bears are extremely moe

196 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7793 04:34

I meant beards but yeah bears are pretty moe too

197 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7793 11:43

Today I made out with my mirror image while masturbating.

198 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7822 15:21

I made this guy:

@ ƒ©__ƒ©
@i@ß m߁j

199 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7860 23:01

sometimes I google things just to post it in the "post your most recent google search" thread

200 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7861 00:29

I'm guilty of this once in a while, myself.

Other times I really do Google outrageous words and phrases.

201 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7868 12:17

I don't understand what makes the word "app" so supposedly worthy of hate.

202 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7868 14:46

I haven't heard hate for this term specifically, but I think it might be like a hatred for new trendy terms that suddenly everyone is using and that express dumb, shitty opinions or states of mind. For example: "foodie", which seems to mean "person who thinks he's a gourmet because he bought a $200 gadget at Sonoma-Williams last week." Or "hater", which means "someone with a legitimate criticism of my masterpiece work of art that hurt my feelings, therefore he's a big meanie."

I don't lump "app" in with those words, though. It's just short for application. No big deal.

203 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7868 19:38

It's not the word itself. It's gained an association -- with clueless idiots, with the way people use a word they just learnt when they're trying to make themselves sound techno-savvy. Like "the cloud", "apps" are not a novel concept to the world at large, and yet people are ejaculating it at every opportunity like "selfie" and other words that are new and exciting. It's juvenile.

204 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7870 23:45

Anti-Apple kneejerk reaction, since they reappropriated the word to talk about specifically mobile development. Granted, their idea of how mobile applications should be developed and distributed was novel enough for the name "apps" to stick.

205 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7871 01:34

"App" stands for an unfinished, unstable piece of ad-ware which lacks in basic functionality.

206 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7871 03:00

That would explain why apparmour is so much worse than SElinux, Tomoyo, and yama.

207 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7871 04:44

I fucked a glass water bottle today

208 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7871 14:56

Tell us more.

209 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7872 15:22

Please clarify: you fucked it or fucked yourself with one?

210 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7873 03:05

>>207, >>208
I stuck my penis in a glass water bottle that can hold half a liter. It required olive oil.

211 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7873 05:15

just how thin is your dick

212 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7873 12:42

Wow, good job acting judgemental in Lame Confessional thread. That's totally lame. There are glass bottles with wider necks than a typical 0.5 l beer bottle. Still, I considered but dismissed putting my dick in one a while ago because it might happen to be a bigger hassle to pull it out than stick it in. I can't recommend this to anyone since this is inherently risky for both your body parts and reputation

Captcha: youth

213 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7873 12:45

To be honest, I'd be more impressed if you could fit the bottle inside your dick.

214 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7873 20:43

penises everywhere

215 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7874 00:17

I guess you missed the sentence where I said olive oil was required.
>>212 Speaks the truth
I felt like I was bruising my dick. I was very luckily left unscathed. I've been taking pleasure in my promiscuity when I take the bottle out in public.

216 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7874 04:02

No amount of olive oil is going to get an average sized dick in a glass bottle unless it has an unusually wide opening.

217 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7886 23:15

I hope someone with talent records that sing along song in the Clonepa thread. I'd do it, but I don't have anything to make music with.

218 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7887 04:02

>>216 You're right. I do have a small penis. Thank you. I shall now carry on with my life with the knowledge, gained from an anonymous user of the internet who has seen both my penis and the bottle I put it in, of my unbearably small penis.

219 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7888 02:30

>>216 Heat the bottle up to expand the bottle, and get the penis cold to shrink it. When you do that, it creates a vacuum effect that helps the small penis enter.

220 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7888 18:18

You need Jesus.

221 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7892 11:52

I promised myself I would get rid of all porn in my browser, but instead I rediscovered what I liked and opened more.

222 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7892 14:16

>>207 just buy a fucking Tenga, for god's sake. I know they're kind of expensive but they're specifically designed for fucking.

223 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7892 14:20

Are we still talking about this?
Is a Tenga better than a Fleshlight or haven't you compared?

224 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7892 17:37

>>223 I have no idea. I've only used the tenga egg thing, and it's kind of flimsy. I ended up busting a hole through the end when I came, not sure how that speaks to its quality. Maybe the fleshlight is better, who knows

Anyway, people, please don't follow the example of >>215
You may well end up at the hospital having to explain why your cock is stuck in a glass bottle

225 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7892 19:53

I haven't done any damage to my Fleshlights, though I don't use them that often; they're open at both ends so when you blow your load if it hits the the back it goes into the outer plastic casing instead of risking any damage to the "flesh" part. The official lube they come with is kind of gross though, and prep time is a bit of a drag.

226 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7893 01:53

Buy a proper Tenga Fliphole. Eggs aren't made for long-term fucking. They are overpriced "fire and forget".

227 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7894 04:09

>>226 how many times can you use it?

228 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7894 04:27

I got a thick dick and the Tenga 3D was too tight. Do they have anything more accommodating?

229 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7894 13:15

Well, they claim "up to 50 times", but "until your dick breaks" is more like it.
One of those Tenga Fliphole maybe? Don't mistake it with "Flip Air", they are for small dicks^W^Wfor busy businessmen who travel around the world.

230 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7894 17:57

I forgot that I really wanted a Tenga product until >>228 reminded me. Now, I will proceed to order a few things.

231 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7894 21:11

I just checked the site, and there was a product fitting application on the site. It suggested the Deep Throat US cup. Any experience with this one? Seems kinda like the most vanilla and boring one.

232 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7895 11:59

The wretched thing doesn't have Flip or 3D in its suggestions.

233 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7918 22:55

I shitpost. Please forgive me.

234 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 07:13

I also shitpost sometimes. Not all of my posts are shitposts though.

235 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 11:07

Sometimes I watch anime with headphones off and my windows open hoping that someone will wander by and say "woah, are you watching Milky Holmes? That's my favorite show, we should be friends."

236 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 15:07

As a nerd I would take another glimpse to be sure and then silently walk away with a warm realisation that somebody else is watching the show too. Probably, I would post on-line about my discovery without mentioning where it happened.

237 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 15:48

>>235 there's a guy in one of my classes who openly has JRPG backgrounds on his desktop. Haven't mentioned it yet, though.

238 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 16:10

I do something like that. I play music at a considerably loud volume, with all the windows open so my neighbour can listen and think to himself "wow, my neighbour has an amazing taste in music!" I also select carefully what albums I'm going to listen to, always thinking on whether my neighbours will be impressed and sometimes I pretend I'm some sort of radio DJ.

239 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 21:35

Is this what my black neighbors are thinking?

240 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7919 21:58

blacks don't think because they're subhuman

241 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7921 02:34

When my neighbors do that all I think is "what an asshole".

242 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7921 08:34

I'm partial to "cunt" and "wanker" myself but, yeah, I don't think anyone appreciates that kind of thing, even if the music they happen to be playing is something I would otherwise enjoy.

What this all means, >>238, is that you should just go fuck yerself.

243 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7921 08:51

I missed out on my squid lolis and I'm fucking upset!

244 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7955 15:20

Sometimes I'm slightly tempted to grow a little strip moustache under my nose and then if anyone asks "what's with the Hitler moustache?" act all offended and lecture them that it's a Charlie Chaplin moustache.

But then I figure people wouldn't see any humor in it and just shun me. Plus my coarse, curly facial pubes probably wouldn't grow into the desired effect.

245 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7955 19:47

I see the humour in it, but still find it kind of stupid. It'd be best if you never do that.

246 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7956 00:49

anime belongs in the trash

247 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7956 01:03

Unfortunately, that sort of stunt usually comes off as a lame attempt to get attention, despite whatever the original intention might have been.

248 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7957 22:33

To be fair, most all porn is stupid and boring.

249 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7958 00:27

I like modern internet porn. Most of it just gets straight to the action.

250 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7958 04:53

People won't ask you. They'll just look at you funnily and judge you silently. They might even post about it on social media. "Today I saw a weird guy who had a Hitler mustache. How edgy and awkward."

251 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7960 15:09

>>246 is right, you know.

252 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7961 03:08

>>258 will be right, you know.

253 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7961 03:19

>>258 is wise, and knows and sees and hears all. May we humbly bow to >>258-san, the light in darkness and the sight in blindness, for he has created and can destroy us, and will do so for reasons we small-minded apes can know, but not comprehend. He lives in the tubes, and he has chosen us to be his people, the Favored Race of >>285. May He bring mercy to our souls. Amen.

254 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7961 13:11

>>246 I might agree as far as most of it goes. There are some really good series though. I haven't watched a new one for five years now so maybe it's all trash at this point

255 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7978 22:06

I used to think that "Faxanadu" was pronounced "facks-uh-nah-doo".

256 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7981 01:49

Sometimes I google the more interesting quotes from the "[BEYOND DQN] Someone else's comment from some site nobody knows [PASTE]" thread because I'm curious where they came from.

257 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7981 13:15

Wait, there's such a thing as a "gentoo penguin"? Here all this time I thought the Linux distro's name came from a doofy abbreviation for "second generation".

258 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7981 14:20

Yeah, they are the fastest penguins underwater too.

259 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7981 15:00

I google the ones that I think come from vox day's blog, and most of the time, they do.

260 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7988 10:13

I've seen so many spoofs on "roses are red, violets are blue" that I've forgotten what the original last two lines are.

261 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7988 10:32

I've gotten pretty good at using the can opener on my Swiss army knife because sometimes I take a can of beans into the thicket of trees behind my house and eat them cold while pretending it's a post-apocalyptic setting.

262 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7988 16:01

There aren't any. It was the original snowclone meme, older than the Internet, going back to the 1940s at least.

263 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7988 17:33

Wikipedia says the most common usage goes:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.

But like most things passed down through oral tradition, an origin is hard to pin down, let alone find the "original" version. Wikipedia also says it might date as back as the year 1590!
It's amazing to think that such an old thing can still immerse itself inconspicously into nowaday's culture and still look a lot more current than it actually is.

264 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7988 20:43

My screen is so dirty it literally looks like a snowstorm.

265 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7988 20:53

>>264 is it semen?

266 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8003 04:07

I'm kind of glad to have started the Punctual Gomez Testimonial riff, mostly because everyone else picked it up and ran with it.

Feels good.

267 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8003 13:02

I like bumping threads.

268 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8003 18:02

I just wish someone would make live action porn with the creativity of a Chinese cartoon. Any plot beyond "2+ people having sex in a house" would really help my masturbation sessions.

269 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8003 18:31

It's time to join the wonderful world of JAV watchers anon.

270 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8003 23:06

Sometimes old 70s/80s stuff works for that. It's still hit or miss, of course.

I have many lame confessions.
- I have looked for subbed JAV,
- but I haven't found any,
- so I normally just look at the covers instead.

271 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8005 12:38

When I was a kid, for a year after reading this poem I was terrified of eating a peanut butter sandwich.

272 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8006 00:56

I would, but I don't like the pixels.

273 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8006 03:32

The covers of JAVs are my favourite part, the actual video is usually pretty bad.

274 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8007 04:33

The cosplay ones are pretty straightforward if you know the characters.

275 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8012 15:53

People on the train were talking about games they play on their daily commute. I mentioned Fire Emblem, and they were all like "what." Turned out they were talking about Angry Birds and Candy Crush.

I love casuals because they give me a totally undeserved and useless sense that I'm in some kind of elite.

276 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8013 17:34

Never engage in conversation with strangers about things that sound like things you're into. You will only be disappointed.

277 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8013 22:16

That's a really good lame confession. I appreciated it.

278 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8021 17:03

Got into a wrestling match with my girlfriend while scrolling through the cable TV menu when I found the last half hour of Old Yeller was on. I said "Awesome! This is the best part!" and selected it, but before I could change the channel, she said "Don't you dare!" and lunged for the remote.

It was a fierce battle and she bit my arm before I pinned her to the couch and changed the channel.

279 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8021 19:34

The work-related stuff I did at work today amounted to sending two emails.

280 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8021 21:38

I stood up and almost did something today.

281 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8022 14:40

Weeks after first reading >>1, I still have nothing to confess.

282 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8022 19:38

You're not missing out.

283 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8026 19:16

I don't drink coffee because I'm scared of becoming addicted and caffeine dependent.

284 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8026 20:33

>>283 caffeine isn't really like hard drugs, the "withdrawal" is just your body realizing how tired it actually is.

285 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8029 17:43

I've wanted to start a thread like the "control tower" thread for months but I never actually do it because I'm less knowledgeable than the "GM" of that thread and also I fear I would be cutting into the limited traffic of DQN and would wind up in some sort of competition with the other thread.

286 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8029 18:35

I tried to continue the other CYOA thread but I was unable to continue because I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make me embarrassed in hindsight, also I think there wasn't enough interest to continue, so I just made like one post months ago.
All things considered, this is quite the lame confession.

287 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8029 19:28

I also want to start a CYOA, but one that will get DQNs to like my fetishes and all agree that they are erotic or at least funny and not annoying to reference nearly constantly in the CYOA subject matter, but I don't because I would have to end up writing about everyone else's weird fetishes instead and pretending that I think they are erotic or at least funny and not annoying to reference nearly constantly.

Also how embarrassing would it be if everyone hated your fetishes and you couldn't ever continue that CYOA thread or make a different one without people thinking you were the OP which you were. It would be terrible to be anonymously scorned.

This is a very useful thread.

288 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8030 18:00

"PINGAS" is still able to crack me up.

289 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8030 18:50

On a related note, I really like "cuck". Someone on /tv/ described the plot of Back to the Future as "cucking yourself out of existence" and it cracked me up.

290 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8030 21:20

Anime has made me cry, as in full on bawling and tears streaming down my face, exactly twice. Once was when Reuenthal died in Legend of the Galactic Heroes(I get moist-eyed thinking about that scene even now), the other was the Hidamari Sketch Sae/Hiro graduation special, when the younger girls catch up to them after the ceremony and beg them to repeat a year.

291 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8031 01:39

I ran one for a while but decided it wasn't worth the effort.

292 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8031 08:09

I've been wheelchair-bound for my entire life.

293 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8039 00:21

As a young teen looking at the jukebox select screen for the original Rise of the Triad, I used to wonder who Smeg was and what it meant to run like him.

294 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8044 11:24

Even before I understood what a Juggalo was, I thought Faygo soda was funny because the name looks like a combination of gay and fag.

295 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8044 19:28

Is melodrama inevitably pathetic?

296 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 01:32

I'm bumping this thread just so that other threads I like less don't stay on the front page for as long.

297 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 18:50

Hi Hotwheels.

298 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 21:55

I have scoliosis.

299 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 23:47

I have a school bus.

300 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 00:37

I am a schoolbus

301 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 17:47

I rode the short bus.

302 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 19:31

Sometimes I wonder if I should hold back my best stupid ideas (like "Couch Potatolympics") for some kind of Kindle book or just give 'em up to the net and forego all possibility of profit.

Clearly, my impulse is to just throw it out there the moment I think of it, and I'm not really happy with that impulse.

303 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 23:06

We are all going to become filthy rich once the DQN Shirt Novel is done, printed and published. I'm sure of it. It will start a new trend among yound and daring authors. Books studying the DQN Shirt Novel will still be written 200, no, 500 years in the future.

304 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 02:58

I'm glad you share your ideas. Sites like this survive on fresh content. Besides, you're not giving up possibility of profit just because you posted them on the net, you could still publish a book that collects all your ideas.

305 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 12:31

Kill yourself, "kudasai"

306 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 13:35

Hi /jp/

307 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8193 17:42

I was 20 seconds earlier to the building than the cute girl who works on the floor below, and rather than awkwardly/creepily wait for her or make her wait for the elevator to come back, I ran up several flights of stairs instead.

308 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8196 13:21

It's the first day of classes and I'm nervous because I'm not good at TAing. Also, I hate commuting when this college town is full of people.

309 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8205 00:59

CLPPNG gives me goosebumps.

310 Name: (L„tMG) : 1993-09-8258 00:57

I complain that I have no friends, but the second anyone tries to message me I get irritated because I don't feel like talking. Everyday life is very lonely, so I go for walks around where I live (there's a surprising amount of sidewalks, even on highways!) and I hope that someone will talk to me, but no one ever talks to a no-good NEET.

I become afraid that not only am I a monster, but I look like one too. But then I realize even if someone did talk to me, I'd have nothing interesting to talk about, and I'd get way too nervous.

311 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 16:46

When I started playing the Final Fantasy X HD remake, one of my main thoughts was that Yuna should have been designed to show way more sideboob. Then I wondered if I should have felt bad about having that thought, then I decided that I had no reason to feel bad about it.

312 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 19:00

>>311 quite interesting

313 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 21:47

>>312 hey, this is the lame confessional, not comedy night. I'm not here to entertain you, I'm here to get absolution for my lame sins.

314 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 07:56

>>313 It was completely sincere, it was an interesting thought that i pondered for a few minutes...

315 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 13:18

>>314 in that case, I apologize, and I'm happy that someone else thought about the same thing I did.

316 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 15:41

I bought X-2 because of Rika's outfit.
I got a really fun game out of the deal, but it wasn't that sexy.

317 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 17:48

Yeah, X-2 is deceptive in that it looks like it's full of fanservice from the outside, but it's not really so much, especially considering the length of the game. Not even close to something like Ar tonelico or Senran Kagura or something like that.

318 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8308 02:58

Sometimes I'm tempted to post my own comments that I'm particularly proud of from other sites in the [BEYOND DQN] Someone else's comment from some site nobody knows [PASTE] thread. I always end up not doing it because I feel like that would be disingenuous.

319 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8308 07:30


>to see them reduced to mere objects to serve your bodily lust

That's your problem right there, man. Rather than interpreting sexual depiction of Touhou characters using the (polemically anti-male) concept of sexual objectification, you should interpret depiction of their sexuality as an intergral part of the depiction of their full humanity within the open canon of Touhou fan works.

After all, you do no not seriously headcanon every 2hu as asexual, do you?

320 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8308 10:40


> After all, you do no not seriously headcanon every 2hu as asexual, do you?

So what if I do? I also imagine them not needing to regularly eat, drink or use the toilet. At the risk of stating the obvious, fictional characters aren't real people, and have no obligation to behave like they are. Don't forget also that most of them aren't even human, and those who are are young enough that it wouldn't be surprising if they weren't interested in sex.

321 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8311 04:19

For years, I have had a recurring fantasy in which I am in Japan and I talk endlessly about random topics.

322 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8312 11:38

Most of the human characters are in like their early twenties. Everyone in the entire series is drinking alcohol constantly and Reimu is occasionally seen smoking a kiseru.

323 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8334 02:21

I ran out of toilet paper and dish soap the other day and instead of overcoming my social anxiety long enough to leave the house and go buy more I just ordered a pizza and asked for extra napkins and for some paper plates.

324 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8336 07:36

Funny, I'd take going to the self-service at Tesco over interacting with the pizza guy any day.

325 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 11:07

I never joined my university's anime society because I was scared of being judged for watching almost exclusively stupid moeblob anime.

326 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 18:36

Some people in my dorm were watching anime in the lounge, and in an effort to be friendly I decided to sit in for an episode. It was a pretty awful show to begin with, some maximally-contrived reverse harem where like eleven guys are all trying to get with their one stepsister, but it was also dubbed, and the whole time everyone was gushing over how this was a superstar voice cast and how great it was. I left because my cringe-o-meter was about to break. Like sure, not everything I watch is a pristine magnum opus for humankind, but come on, you're making me look bad.

327 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8476 10:08

So many people seem to admire me for my ability to not give a fuck what other people think. In reality I'm just paralyzed on how to react because it's all I can think about.

328 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 14:35

I don't visit here often enough and when I do I just make old jokes that have already died out. also, I necrobump threads

329 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 17:32

But your charge of "muh ujectufukayshin" to anyone who disagrees with your boring headcannon is ridiculous; obviously we are sexual beings, so we in projecting our own humanity onto fictional characters would percieve them to posess sexuality.

330 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 19:13


> "muh ujectufukayshin"

When did I ever say you aren't allowed to sexualise them? I'd just rather people keep that to themselves, and realise that not everyone wants everything to be sexual all the time.

> obviously we are sexual beings

Speak for yourself. I personally find sex rather dull and unpleasant.

331 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 19:47

jizz on Reimu's armpits

332 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8642 23:51


>keep that to themselves

No. I do not wish to display a "public face" on an anonymous board.

>speak for yourself

It was an exclusive "we".

333 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8643 09:09

Anecdata does not refute a generalisation. "Speak for yourself" as the entirety of your response simultaneously screams both "I'm a special snowflake, look how different I am!" and "Obviously my experience mirrors many others', behold my obnoxious lack of empathy!"

334 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8661 11:12

I really wanted to like Animal Crossing but I just can't get into it (or the sequel.) It's too limited to be a good sandbox but too aimless to be anything else.

335 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8672 10:02

my butt itched but I didn't scratch it and I went to bed with it itchy

336 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8672 19:30

Was it still itchy when you woke up?

337 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8672 23:39

archived purehoe's first post for future generations (and other textboards) to enjoy and laugh at
great confession, it was pretty lame

338 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8673 07:35

/polecat kebabs/

339 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8673 14:06

As the person he was replying to, it was kind of my fault for not specifying.

340 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8674 02:15

I am nobody in this conversation, but your response seems backwards. If X makes a sweeping generalization, Y refutes it, and X 1) complains and 2) maintains the generalization, it is X, not Y, who is demonstrating an obnoxious lack of empathy and claiming to represent the world.

341 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8674 19:36

Y performed no such refutation, as stated. "Speak for yourself" is ambiguous in whether it refers to "yourself, and nobody else" or "yourself and anyone else, but definitely not me". Further, if anyone (1) complains and (2) maintains the generalisation, it would appear to be a third party, Z, not X.

342 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8675 07:50

I'm not convinced that Y hasn't refuted anything. Here's how I'm picturing it: If X spoke and was unchallenged for a while, one could very reasonably believe the statement. But if Y rejects the statement, we now have only X's word and Y's word. There is no reason to assume that either X or Y are more typical elements than the other, so I don't think any wider conclusion can be reached. (That is, of course, in the "general" case, of course. No comment on the specific case that prompted this.)

If a third party Z comes in, then certainly things change. I can't say anything about the probability of such a reply being X vs Z, though. I can imagine X defending the original statement, and I can imagine a bystander speaking up. It is unfortunate side effect of these nameless discussions that determining this is hard.

343 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8707 14:31

When I was a kid, I thought people meant "bamboo chute" because it is a bamboo shoot is in a plausible shape to call it so.

344 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8710 04:45

Just now I took longer than I normally would have in the office toilet because someone knocked on the door. I stood around with my hands in the stream of water from the tap and enjoyed being the lord of my own little domain.

Then I went out and got a coffee.

345 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8710 09:41

I stood in a stairwell for 20 minutes with my ear pressed against the wall, waiting for a guy to arrive at his office. I then exited the stairwell and pretended to be coincidentally walking by, just so that I could talk with him before he had a chance to open his office door and start making those uninterruptible, hours-long phone calls he always makes.

346 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8715 01:08

Just as I was falling asleep last night, I thought of a great idea for the game I'm making. I woke up enough to scribble a bunch of notes about it and then after a half hour or so of feeling really good about my amazing brain, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the only part of all that chicken scratch I could make out said "then they".

All I could remember was something about colorful rotating cubes.

347 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8727 23:33

I sprawled out on the couch for a nap, and like clockwork, my cat jumped up and curled up right behind my ass. After a while I felt a fart building up pressure, and I got up and went to the can. Farting on the cat isn't any fun without a witness.

348 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8728 18:24

All my best music ideas materialise in the moments before sleep. I convince myself I'll remember them in the morning, knowing that even the slightest distraction of getting up to jot them down would purge them from my mind.

349 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8730 14:57

I hide from the mailman.

350 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8731 19:52

Sometimes I scroll through PDFs just to look at the typesetting.

351 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8732 07:29

I lied about brushing my teeth in the morning because I didn't want it to seem like I was laying in bed having not accomplished anything for the 2 hours after I'd woken up which then made it so that I couldn't brush my teeth without exposing the lie, and so I felt gross all day.

352 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8733 04:19


353 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8733 07:04

My ultimate sexual fantasy is to go back in time and NTR myself. To steal my teenage girlfriend and make her orgasm over and over with my superior sexual prowess as my younger self watches and masturbates.

354 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8733 07:41

I stayed up late on the internet again instead of studying.

( ;_;)

355 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8735 05:20

I keep doing that too. Even when I know I'll regret it.

356 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8747 14:55

the poo in a butt thread is my most successful one yet.

357 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8748 12:24

That's it, you've peaked. It's all downhill from here

358 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8758 18:06

Yeah. glances wistfully at gun safe

359 Name: BOASTFUL AND PROUD : 1993-09-8759 16:51

Sucks to be you. As for myself, I started the original "post your lewd thoughts" and "1000 things LSD stands for" threads on SAOVQ!

360 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 05:40

I have downloaded several hundred gigabytes of animu over the past week. Some of it is old classics I've never gotten around to watching, some of it is guilty pleasures, and some of it is just random stuff I legitimately can't remember why I decided to get. I don't watch animu all that much anyway, and judging from past downloading binges, I feel a great deal of doubt as to whether I'll ever watch it all before I die.

Somehow there is more guilt in my heart from the wasted bandwidth than the fact that I illegally obtained the products of thousands upon thousands of hours of highly skilled labor without paying for any of it.

361 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 09:02

There's something satisfying about mass downloading shit. I recently downloaded a 23 gigabyte torrent of old PC-98 games only to discover that emulation is shit on OSX so I'll probably never actually play any of them.

One thing I've learned about the internet is to never assume stuff will be around forever... It might not be such a bad idea to mass-download animu and save it for a day when it's not available anymore.

Digital hoarding is also a lot less troublesome than actual hoarding.

362 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 12:41

>>361 I found using Parallels Desktop to run Windows XP on my mac was good for playing PC-98 games

363 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 19:21

I don't think anime producers care much about that - DVD sales matter much more, profit-wise, AFAIK.
You and >>361 are acting for the greater good. Digital archival and preservation of the past are much more important than licensing fees, in the grand scheme of things.

364 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8777 11:49

I once translated an ero manga and it was a lot of fun. I wish I could do more, but it's pretty much impossible now that I'm married and working full time.

365 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8784 02:17

I had a Japanese girlfriend for a while. One day after I told her a little about my day, she said "Oooo, you were rucky!" and I had the hardest time not laughing.

366 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8784 02:46

Is that available publicly?

368 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8784 07:49


369 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8809 22:29

When I was a little autistic kid watching tv, I'd sometimes focus so hard on trying to read a character's face that when I randomly remember some scene I watched back then, that character's face would be perfectly still, and its arms would go from down at its sides to flailing randomly all over and then back to its sides.

370 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8811 03:19

A waitress was asking me whether I want soup or salad, but I thought she was saying super salad, so I just said "yes," and everyone laughed at me.

371 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8811 10:07

>>370 Hahahaha brilliant!

372 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8812 01:06

It still kind of weirds me out to think that James Rolfe has a kid.

373 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8812 03:26

I can't stop doing a Vietnamese accent and saying "Would you like some fried fish" or some variation.

374 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8817 20:05

I always snicker a bit at the video game title "Altered Beast" since, at least where I come from, the word "altered" when applied to an animal is used as a euphemism for "neutered".

375 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8826 21:31

Sometimes when I go to the bathroom I sing "For He's A Jolly Good" in my head but with the lyrics changed to "I gotta go to the bathroom"

376 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 06:03

I still wish that TVs had those cool knob settings that changed how the screen looked. You could change the hue of the video, the sharpness, the contrast, and even the white balance that was used.

377 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 06:58

It's not knobs, but on most TVs you can still usually adjust most of that stuff if you dig through the menus.

378 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 11:46

knobs were a better interface for that

379 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 18:51

Knobs were brilliant. CRTs were brilliant. I had a crusty old 1600x1200 CRT for Mac OS 9.2 before the LCD resolution. (that was a pun)

380 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 18:52

All this talk of knobs makes me think of the British slang meaning of the word.

381 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8832 01:15

I'm always thinking of knobs, if by knobs you mean dicks

382 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8832 08:22

The real reason I don't use facebook/social media is because I'm afraid that one day I'll be fapping away and accidentally hit that "share this on facebook" button that every single porn tube site has for some godawful reason.

383 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8832 17:03

I've had that thought. Using both hands makes it less likely.

384 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8834 18:37

I just spent a week's salary on cute frilly clothes for crossdressing purposes.

385 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8834 18:56

I hope >>384 shows me photos of said crossdressing.

386 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 00:01

I find it weird to see "Lol" written. "lol" or "LOL", sure, but "Lol" is just kind of weird.

387 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 00:13

I know a couple people who use "LoL"

388 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 05:45

I don't clean up with a tissue after I jerk. Instead, I lick my hand clean.

389 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 13:40

That's okay if they're referring to League of Legends rather than Laugh Out Loud.

390 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 22:11

Leftover Orange Lightbulbs

391 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8838 11:58

Use of enjambment in a haiku really disgusts me but google suggests my distaste is not as widely shared as I had thought.

392 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8838 21:29

That's my thought, but they don't play League

393 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8879 00:13

Barfed so hard noodles came out of my nose

394 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8879 04:13


395 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8881 09:03

Sometimes when I'm writing a text message and the auto-correct/auto-suggested word is particularly funny I just leave it in on purpose so I can make a "ducking autocorrect LOL" joke. Earlier it changed "Kroger" (a regional grocery store chain) to "Korea", which I thought was funny since my message ended up reading something about walking to Korea to buy bread.

396 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8881 12:40

How about semicolons?

397 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8882 07:48

I enjoyed your confession.

398 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8886 22:08

I would like to use services from a certain small LLC, but I don't want to tie my personal brand to theirs.

399 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8888 16:42

use of enjambment in a
haiku really irks
me, but it's quite popular

400 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8888 18:24

When I was a kid I thought Hitler was a title instead of some dictator's name, since "hit" is a violent action and all sorts of people get called Hitler for frivolous reasons.

401 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8890 18:04

Woke up, farted, and then sat up right into the fart cloud.

402 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8929 21:28

I have no friends.

403 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8930 20:19

I've posted a lie in this thread just to have something to post in this thread.

404 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8930 20:26

>>403 this was the lie

405 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8965 17:36

Sometimes I'll turn on one of those secret life of kittens shows just to listen to my cat growl at them.

406 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8967 17:50

Sometimes I'm writing a sentence or something in English and trying to think of a word a Japanese word comes into my head first, then I have to think of an English word for that word and get kinda bummed out when it's actually like three words.

I've never even been to Japan, 2018 is weird.

407 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8968 14:00

I still play minecraft sometimes.

408 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8968 14:42

If you sign up,
You can earn $1,000,000 too.

409 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8969 20:08

I sometimes get a half-chub while holding my cat. It's not that I want to fuck my cat, but the sensation of being so intimately physically close with another mammal is really stimulating and is something otherwise lacking in my miserable life.

410 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8969 21:14

Doom (the 90s one) is my favorite game, and I replayed it countless times.

411 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8970 18:15

I always leave one ice cube in the tray because I don't want to refill it.

412 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8972 02:49

I kind of like your genre, but I sure as hell don't know the scene.

413 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8972 04:21

I had something really lame, but I forgot it.

414 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8983 18:38

I just named a script that slightly randomizes a planet's position Dudge the Spoobnumby.

415 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9111 20:43

I am dissatisfied with every e-book reader I've seen, but I also don't believe I could make or commission a better one if I tried.

416 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9207 15:57

I just beamed brunch, the gayest meal of the day, directly into my mouth.

417 Name: vc: jipotion : 1993-09-9211 00:37

The main reason I'm not into alcohol is that I want to give all of them a fair shake, but I couldn't justify getting drunk that often.

418 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9211 19:13

I ran out of science in Kerbal

419 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9233 02:12

When I was in high school, I played WoW obsessively. Like I'd come home, fire up the game, and play til it was time for bed. One day I had to read some report about the Cold War out loud to my history class and literally could not stop myself from calling it the "Warsong Pact" about 20 times in 3 minutes.

420 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9234 15:58

I used a tall glass of oats as a fleshlight and I'd do it again

captcha: relube

421 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9262 23:26

I just wrote a lenghty post about a recent dream I had, detailing it's emotional impact on my currently ailing mind/pointless life, only to withold it, afterall.
It felt too personal and crude. I'd have felt too nude publishing it, anonymity be damned.
It's a lame thing, but I can't bring myself to discuss too personal matters on the internet, despite everyone else's apparent trigger-happiness to do so.

422 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9263 12:36

Sometimes I want to troll or be abrasive on internet forums (never DQN of course) but I start to regret my actions partway through and start genuinely engaging with people. I just want everyone to be happy and have fun.

423 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9279 13:16

I started writing a confession several times but I don't remember if I posted it and I don't want to risk making it twice.

424 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9284 15:17

I need to write a menial piece of code that'd be immensely helpful to somebody very dear but I couldn't write a single line for 1.5 months, keeping myself distracted and busy with nothing.

425 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9293 23:33

I don't know what a "hot take" is.

426 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9294 07:56

i got a good gacha roll but it wasn't the one i wanted so i'm still gonna be a bitch-ass about it

427 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9294 16:42

It's the new way to say "I have a shitty opinion"

428 Name: vc: theick : 1993-09-9339 22:04

There are many early 00s memes I am glad did not survive, but I kinda wish "needs more Lain" did.

429 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9340 02:04

Why are you glad those memes didn't survive? Those memes were naive, those memes were pure. The worst of those memes were a thousand times better than the "black twitter"-tier memes we have now.

Good grief, how often I have referred to those times as "when /b/ was good" to never see "/b/ was never good" in response. Stumbling on a rare oldfriend saying this is balsam to the soul.

430 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9340 19:58

>Good grief, how often I have

Why so often?

431 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9340 20:06

I sing of a time before 4chan.

432 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9341 01:21

No particular reason.
Do you mean that "LOL, INTERNETS" gif?

433 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9341 01:24

/b/ was good for a couple of months, then it turned into a gigantic retard magnet. I don't miss it. Once in a while I'll look at /tg/ or /m/ for a bit.

I made a bunch of those little banners they used back then.

434 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9342 05:01

It was good for a little longer. I still remember enthusing to an university pal about it. The first thing he saw there was some gay porn. But it wasn't bad, the board.

I'd have been a respectable engineer these days if it wasn't for /b/. So, I drown my sorrow in calling other posters "retards" on the last few remotely decent boards...

435 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9344 03:34

i guess someone's gonna get a good chuckle out of this...

but i'm mad because my abusive fatass father ruined my bacon

436 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9504 12:13

Multiple times, I heard sound from trees. It sounded like a woman humming simple tunes. I could walk around them, sit down, and it just kept on.

437 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9504 14:35

I can relate >>435. Except it was I who fucked up the bacon because I was used to cooking with gas stoves at my mom's house. When the fucker came in to get a piece he saw the charred bacon, snatched the pan and threw it on the front steps. Then backhand slapped me and told me to clean up the front steps because "stone steps get stains". So I cleaned his mess while he bitched at me the whole time

438 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9505 07:47

Sometimes while I'm in public I start dancing to music I'm listening to in my head

439 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9528 07:33

When I was a teenager I thought enema was when drugs interacted.

Anyway the history teacher who showed us a video that said pulque was used that way took points off for me mentioning it in an essay test.

440 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9744 07:54

kemonomimi got me into hentai

441 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9825 15:16

i never bothered to read the grinding noises thread

442 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9917 23:24

I have every post in the Youtube threads open in separate tabs

443 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9959 15:11

I once stole a pear from my neighbour's orchard. I don't even like pears, it was just fun being bad with my cronies.

444 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9959 15:26

Sometimes a reply to one of my posts will be a little too accurate and I'll wonder if it's just coincidence or a lucky guess, or if the admin is calling me out based on past post history from my IP block.

445 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9959 17:30

How come? Have you been making very recognizable posts lately, perhaps?

446 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9959 17:58

I've been putting off a call for six months because I hate calling people I don't know.

447 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9959 19:22

>>444 I've had that creepy feeling quite a few times here...

448 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-9959 21:11

I made 90%+of the several hundred gomez posts (including Punctual) in the old countdown thread over the course of a couple of days while bored at work when it didn't seem like there'd be enough posts by to reach >>800 by day 8000.

449 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9960 12:43

>>448 I already knew that

450 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9960 14:44

>>448 Because it was legendary

451 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10007 22:57

A spam made it through to my inbox and I told Gmail to report spam. It gave me the option to unsubscribe and like an idiot I clicked it. Now instead of getting three or four a day, I'm getting up to 70 per day.


452 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10007 23:07

I checked the comments section for a rare unofficially released compilation record that's not allowed on the Discogs marketplace and found a guy saying to PM him for a copy. I PM him and ask if it's available to which he quickly responds saying it is. I tell him I'm interested and want a photo to make sure it's the correct version and he hasn't responded in 2 days. This is the most I've grieved over a loss in a while.

453 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10008 11:12

>>452 What is it you're after?

454 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10008 11:14

I used to be a nutmeg man

455 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10008 21:43

I don't want more people to know about it till I got my copy!

456 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10009 01:08

I would be willing to pay a lot of money for an original pressing of unkle adams Original "mini record". Thats my shameful admission.

457 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10024 03:14

Ok I secured a copy. It's a compilation called Red Laser Disco.

458 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10024 03:42

Someone has it up on Discogs for $420 with a "Make Offer" option

459 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10033 16:22

Sometimes I see a fabulously stupid post and think "that would be a funny one for the 4-ch comment copypaste thread", then I remember I'm already on 4-ch. Sometimes on the comment copypaste thread, no less.

460 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10033 16:41

I've almost completely forgotten my girlfriend's birthday which is next week and I have no idea which day it is and I'm too scared to ask, all I know is it's next week. I used to know. I even had it saved on my calendar on my old phone but I replaced it.

461 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10062 01:20

Nowadays when I can't find a hair tie or headband in my immediate vicinity, I just use the elastic part of a face mask so there's a mask dangling from the back of my head.

462 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:16

I hope you avoided a disaster

463 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 13:28

I figured it out 😎

464 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10075 18:35

Bought a second copy of >>457

465 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10075 19:29

>>464 I downloaded it too on your recommendation. Pretty fun, I had a boogie!

466 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10088 06:09

I got inspired to get off my butt and go for a run because of the female athletes I fapped to just prior.

467 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10100 17:04

I was going to bump 10 ancient threads but got bored after only three.

468 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10100 20:34

Wasnft expecting to see you on 4-ch, Augustine.

469 Name: Augustine of Hippo : 1993-09-10111 23:19

>>468 I started this thread!

470 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10113 12:21

I prefer Symbian to Android.

471 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10114 06:55

I prefer dial-up to broadband.

473 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10304 16:08

I unironically like to read Wikihow.

474 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10353 15:09

Sometimes I'll suddenly pause my game like g... WTF is that noise coming from the kitchen‽h and I'll run through and it's the washing machine I switched on 10 minutes ago

475 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10366 19:34

>>67 did you introduce them to 4-ch? because that sure rings a bell

476 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10411 03:52

When I was 2 or 3 I thought the Jolly Green Giant was supposed to be a depiction of God.

477 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10411 09:55

478 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10478 07:55

I bump old threads on general intentionally

479 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10479 06:19

I get squeamish about eating "the gross bits" like offal and fish heads.

480 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10485 12:55

I still haven't completed a single Pokedex.

481 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10486 07:42

I sometimes feel like an anonymous BBS' equivalent of an unnamed villager NPC in an old RPG. No one remembers me (not that I ever contributed anything worth being remembered by) but at least I was here.

482 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10488 23:41

I'm no furry but Amy Rose's is one hedgehog pussy I'd love to eat

483 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10501 06:45

I feel the need to announce my plans to log off in advance, so that I don't get accused of ragequitting.

484 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10501 21:03

>>481 I feel like this irl, that's my lame confession.

485 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10505 22:13

I had my first bike-related incident today, in the form of push starting my dad's old bike and tripping and scraping my hands.
Feeling extremely gay now. Happy pride month.

486 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10517 11:54

I'm pro-fullstop-in-the-title-of-the-current-thought-thread but chickened out when creating the latest one.

487 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10523 21:47

Hearing about women being lonely makes me happy, because it makes me hope someone's desperate enough to choose me.

488 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10523 22:15

I had heart trouble last year that permanently weakened me to the point where I can't get hard any more. Now I look at some absolutely stunning women and think "eh."

489 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10529 22:44

i was reading about omorashi (japanese fetish of pee-holding) online the other day so i decided to give it a shot. chugged down one and a half liters of water and then i went to a grocery store. the urge for peeing suddenly kicked in while i was at a store but i managed to hold it in while i was there. it felt like walking made the whole thing worse because the motion moved my bladder (i guess), so by the time i got home i was almost peeing my pants.
has it ever happened to you that as soon as you enter your hose after a long day you feel like you need to take a shit? that's what happened with me except i felt a painful urge to pee. i layed down on my bed and by this point i was feeling like someone had kicked me on my crotch. i knew i had to go to the bathroom, on my way there i noticed i couldn't stand straight because doing so made my bladder hurt terribly. i sat on the toilet seat and one minute later i was pissing unvoluntary.

overall i gotta admit it was a pleasant experience during the first 45 minutes or so, but after that it was just painful and not in an enjoyable way.

490 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10603 20:34

I've listened to all of the VIPTRONICS COOL FREE RINGTONES at least a couple of times each.

491 Name: vc: exyuge : 1993-09-10737 08:26

I miss VGCats.

492 Name: nerv : 1993-09-10856 08:24

i love the smell of my sweaty asshole... if i don't shower for a few days i spend a lot of time just breathing in my dank crevice

493 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-11144 01:16

When I was 14 years old and an anarcho-primitivist I would masturbate exclusively to caveman porn featuring brown people out of desire to keep ideological consistency.

494 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-11144 12:29

>>490 I made a few of those

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