Last night I stayed with my girlfriend at her parents' house, and I dreamt that I was having sex with someone, and I could push a button and my sexual partner changed through different people, and I flicked through until it was a fat old granny, and I was pumping away then I woke up and realised I'd ejaculated in my girlfriend's parents' guest bed.
I don't understand what makes the word "app" so supposedly worthy of hate.
>>201
I haven't heard hate for this term specifically, but I think it might be like a hatred for new trendy terms that suddenly everyone is using and that express dumb, shitty opinions or states of mind. For example: "foodie", which seems to mean "person who thinks he's a gourmet because he bought a $200 gadget at Sonoma-Williams last week." Or "hater", which means "someone with a legitimate criticism of my masterpiece work of art that hurt my feelings, therefore he's a big meanie."
I don't lump "app" in with those words, though. It's just short for application. No big deal.
>>201
It's not the word itself. It's gained an association -- with clueless idiots, with the way people use a word they just learnt when they're trying to make themselves sound techno-savvy. Like "the cloud", "apps" are not a novel concept to the world at large, and yet people are ejaculating it at every opportunity like "selfie" and other words that are new and exciting. It's juvenile.
>>201
Anti-Apple kneejerk reaction, since they reappropriated the word to talk about specifically mobile development. Granted, their idea of how mobile applications should be developed and distributed was novel enough for the name "apps" to stick.
"App" stands for an unfinished, unstable piece of ad-ware which lacks in basic functionality.
That would explain why apparmour is so much worse than SElinux, Tomoyo, and yama.
I fucked a glass water bottle today
>>207
Please clarify: you fucked it or fucked yourself with one?
>>211
Wow, good job acting judgemental in Lame Confessional thread. That's totally lame. There are glass bottles with wider necks than a typical 0.5 l beer bottle. Still, I considered but dismissed putting my dick in one a while ago because it might happen to be a bigger hassle to pull it out than stick it in. I can't recommend this to anyone since this is inherently risky for both your body parts and reputation
Captcha: youth
>>212
To be honest, I'd be more impressed if you could fit the bottle inside your dick.
penises everywhere
>>215
No amount of olive oil is going to get an average sized dick in a glass bottle unless it has an unusually wide opening.
I hope someone with talent records that sing along song in the Clonepa thread. I'd do it, but I don't have anything to make music with.
>>216 You're right. I do have a small penis. Thank you. I shall now carry on with my life with the knowledge, gained from an anonymous user of the internet who has seen both my penis and the bottle I put it in, of my unbearably small penis.
>>216 Heat the bottle up to expand the bottle, and get the penis cold to shrink it. When you do that, it creates a vacuum effect that helps the small penis enter.
You need Jesus.
I promised myself I would get rid of all porn in my browser, but instead I rediscovered what I liked and opened more.
>>207 just buy a fucking Tenga, for god's sake. I know they're kind of expensive but they're specifically designed for fucking.
>>222
Are we still talking about this?
Is a Tenga better than a Fleshlight or haven't you compared?
>>223 I have no idea. I've only used the tenga egg thing, and it's kind of flimsy. I ended up busting a hole through the end when I came, not sure how that speaks to its quality. Maybe the fleshlight is better, who knows
Anyway, people, please don't follow the example of >>215
You may well end up at the hospital having to explain why your cock is stuck in a glass bottle
>>224
I haven't done any damage to my Fleshlights, though I don't use them that often; they're open at both ends so when you blow your load if it hits the the back it goes into the outer plastic casing instead of risking any damage to the "flesh" part. The official lube they come with is kind of gross though, and prep time is a bit of a drag.
Buy a proper Tenga Fliphole. Eggs aren't made for long-term fucking. They are overpriced "fire and forget".
I got a thick dick and the Tenga 3D was too tight. Do they have anything more accommodating?
>>227
Well, they claim "up to 50 times", but "until your dick breaks" is more like it.
>>228
One of those Tenga Fliphole maybe? Don't mistake it with "Flip Air", they are for small dicks^W^Wfor busy businessmen who travel around the world.
http://www.tenga-global.com/products/chart/hole_chart.html
I forgot that I really wanted a Tenga product until >>228 reminded me. Now, I will proceed to order a few things.
>>229
I just checked the site, and there was a product fitting application on the site. It suggested the Deep Throat US cup. Any experience with this one? Seems kinda like the most vanilla and boring one.
>>231
The wretched thing doesn't have Flip or 3D in its suggestions.
I shitpost. Please forgive me.
I also shitpost sometimes. Not all of my posts are shitposts though.
Sometimes I watch anime with headphones off and my windows open hoping that someone will wander by and say "woah, are you watching Milky Holmes? That's my favorite show, we should be friends."
>>235
As a nerd I would take another glimpse to be sure and then silently walk away with a warm realisation that somebody else is watching the show too. Probably, I would post on-line about my discovery without mentioning where it happened.
>>235 there's a guy in one of my classes who openly has JRPG backgrounds on his desktop. Haven't mentioned it yet, though.
>>235
I do something like that. I play music at a considerably loud volume, with all the windows open so my neighbour can listen and think to himself "wow, my neighbour has an amazing taste in music!" I also select carefully what albums I'm going to listen to, always thinking on whether my neighbours will be impressed and sometimes I pretend I'm some sort of radio DJ.
>>238
When my neighbors do that all I think is "what an asshole".
I missed out on my squid lolis and I'm fucking upset!
Sometimes I'm slightly tempted to grow a little strip moustache under my nose and then if anyone asks "what's with the Hitler moustache?" act all offended and lecture them that it's a Charlie Chaplin moustache.
But then I figure people wouldn't see any humor in it and just shun me. Plus my coarse, curly facial pubes probably wouldn't grow into the desired effect.
>>244
I see the humour in it, but still find it kind of stupid. It'd be best if you never do that.
anime belongs in the trash
>>244
Unfortunately, that sort of stunt usually comes off as a lame attempt to get attention, despite whatever the original intention might have been.
>>244
People won't ask you. They'll just look at you funnily and judge you silently. They might even post about it on social media. "Today I saw a weird guy who had a Hitler mustache. How edgy and awkward."
>>258 is wise, and knows and sees and hears all. May we humbly bow to >>258-san, the light in darkness and the sight in blindness, for he has created and can destroy us, and will do so for reasons we small-minded apes can know, but not comprehend. He lives in the tubes, and he has chosen us to be his people, the Favored Race of >>285. May He bring mercy to our souls. Amen.
>>246 I might agree as far as most of it goes. There are some really good series though. I haven't watched a new one for five years now so maybe it's all trash at this point
I used to think that "Faxanadu" was pronounced "facks-uh-nah-doo".
Sometimes I google the more interesting quotes from the "[BEYOND DQN] Someone else's comment from some site nobody knows [PASTE]" thread because I'm curious where they came from.
Wait, there's such a thing as a "gentoo penguin"? Here all this time I thought the Linux distro's name came from a doofy abbreviation for "second generation".
>>256
I google the ones that I think come from vox day's blog, and most of the time, they do.
I've seen so many spoofs on "roses are red, violets are blue" that I've forgotten what the original last two lines are.
I've gotten pretty good at using the can opener on my Swiss army knife because sometimes I take a can of beans into the thicket of trees behind my house and eat them cold while pretending it's a post-apocalyptic setting.
>>260
There aren't any. It was the original snowclone meme, older than the Internet, going back to the 1940s at least.
My screen is so dirty it literally looks like a snowstorm.
I'm kind of glad to have started the Punctual Gomez Testimonial riff, mostly because everyone else picked it up and ran with it.
Feels good.
I like bumping threads.
>>249
I just wish someone would make live action porn with the creativity of a Chinese cartoon. Any plot beyond "2+ people having sex in a house" would really help my masturbation sessions.
>>268
It's time to join the wonderful world of JAV watchers anon.
When I was a kid, for a year after reading this poem I was terrified of eating a peanut butter sandwich.
http://sandwichesaregood.weebly.com/peanut-butter.html
>>270
The covers of JAVs are my favourite part, the actual video is usually pretty bad.
>>270
The cosplay ones are pretty straightforward if you know the characters.
People on the train were talking about games they play on their daily commute. I mentioned Fire Emblem, and they were all like "what." Turned out they were talking about Angry Birds and Candy Crush.
I love casuals because they give me a totally undeserved and useless sense that I'm in some kind of elite.
>>275
Never engage in conversation with strangers about things that sound like things you're into. You will only be disappointed.
Got into a wrestling match with my girlfriend while scrolling through the cable TV menu when I found the last half hour of Old Yeller was on. I said "Awesome! This is the best part!" and selected it, but before I could change the channel, she said "Don't you dare!" and lunged for the remote.
It was a fierce battle and she bit my arm before I pinned her to the couch and changed the channel.
The work-related stuff I did at work today amounted to sending two emails.
Weeks after first reading >>1, I still have nothing to confess.
I don't drink coffee because I'm scared of becoming addicted and caffeine dependent.
>>283 caffeine isn't really like hard drugs, the "withdrawal" is just your body realizing how tired it actually is.
I've wanted to start a thread like the "control tower" thread for months but I never actually do it because I'm less knowledgeable than the "GM" of that thread and also I fear I would be cutting into the limited traffic of DQN and would wind up in some sort of competition with the other thread.
>>285
I tried to continue the other CYOA thread but I was unable to continue because I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make me embarrassed in hindsight, also I think there wasn't enough interest to continue, so I just made like one post months ago.
All things considered, this is quite the lame confession.
>>285
>>286
I also want to start a CYOA, but one that will get DQNs to like my fetishes and all agree that they are erotic or at least funny and not annoying to reference nearly constantly in the CYOA subject matter, but I don't because I would have to end up writing about everyone else's weird fetishes instead and pretending that I think they are erotic or at least funny and not annoying to reference nearly constantly.
Also how embarrassing would it be if everyone hated your fetishes and you couldn't ever continue that CYOA thread or make a different one without people thinking you were the OP which you were. It would be terrible to be anonymously scorned.
This is a very useful thread.
"PINGAS" is still able to crack me up.
>>288
On a related note, I really like "cuck". Someone on /tv/ described the plot of Back to the Future as "cucking yourself out of existence" and it cracked me up.
Anime has made me cry, as in full on bawling and tears streaming down my face, exactly twice. Once was when Reuenthal died in Legend of the Galactic Heroes(I get moist-eyed thinking about that scene even now), the other was the Hidamari Sketch Sae/Hiro graduation special, when the younger girls catch up to them after the ceremony and beg them to repeat a year.
>>285-287
I ran one for a while but decided it wasn't worth the effort.
As a young teen looking at the jukebox select screen for the original Rise of the Triad, I used to wonder who Smeg was and what it meant to run like him.
Even before I understood what a Juggalo was, I thought Faygo soda was funny because the name looks like a combination of gay and fag.
I'm bumping this thread just so that other threads I like less don't stay on the front page for as long.
I have scoliosis.
I am a schoolbus