Last night I stayed with my girlfriend at her parents' house, and I dreamt that I was having sex with someone, and I could push a button and my sexual partner changed through different people, and I flicked through until it was a fat old granny, and I was pumping away then I woke up and realised I'd ejaculated in my girlfriend's parents' guest bed.
I used to think that Lo Wang in Shadow Warrior (the fuckin' original, not the remake/reboot/what the fuck ever) said "EAT THIS, PINCER DICK!" I'm pretty sure now that it was probably meant to be "pencil dick", but the mental image of a "pincer dick" remains with me.
He also said something that always sounded to me like nothing quite like "Sucks on balls, squashy penis." I'm still not sure what that one's really supposed to be.
>>150
I kind of want to try that now. I don't want to waste my toothbrush though. I wonder what I should do...
>>153 Just use one at the end of its life. Who cares if it's a bit minty?
My lame confession is I'm half kind of only posting this to get a more usable-in-a-sentence captcha than cholbile.
Add "Mr. Brain's Pork Faggots" alongside Faygo to my list of food and drink I want to try before I die. This one may be more difficult as I don't think you can get 'em stateside.
>>156
Faygo is alright, Juggalos mostly buy it because they are unemployable manchildren and it's cheap. There are better cheap sodas out there though.
Also, my lame confession is that one time my mother almost walked in on me washing an onahole in the bathroom sink.
Listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D makes me feel more sad than relaxed.
Up until about 5 minutes ago I thought narwhals were creatures of myth.
Instead of just moving my mouse from one place to another using the shortest path (typically a straight line unless there's an issue with the placement of my mouse on the mouse pad), I actually make it dance around, like in circles and patterns.
Sometimes I listen to music and play around with the cursor in time with the beat.
>>161 That makes me think of something many Mega Man players do. Sometimes they fire the megabuster in synch with the game music.
I tried it, but I never do it right.
Sometimes I worry I'll destroy my penis with too much masturbation.
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
I take a guilty pleasure in making gaynus jokes (which I first learned here). I also had my interest in Uranus renewed by a lecturer who tried to avoid negative implications by calling the planet "Urinus". This is utterly worse. The brain is already processing "Your anus" and then it gets peed into.
I avoid contemplating about impression left on my peers by these jokes.
>>166
Please be careful with bristle hardness. I thought this was all about the wider end of an electric toothbrush at first.
>>167
During my upbringing most people pronounced it the "Urinous" way, so it took me a while to figure out why Uranus jokes were supposed to be funny.
Also, I was very disappointed to discover after downloading it that "Ubangis from Uranus" is just generic interracial porn, and not a sci-fi spoof.
>>168
If they really want to refer to the planet between Saturn and Neptune without also referring to anatomy, they could pronounce the name /ˈjʊərənəs/. That would at least give some kind of historical credence.
>>168
Keeping with an old tradition of omitting "os" in those old words, the planet is called "Уран" ("ouran") in Russian. Can't really make a pun with it.
I find XKCD unfunny.
>>171
That's not lame. I never found it that funny; I stopped reading quickly after I realised just how many strips were about breast milk and Megan, the only female ever depicted. It got weird fast.
>>171,172
Not to be that guy but I really think it was funnier a few years ago. Maybe The Big Bang Theory just ruined the whole "nerdy science joke lol so quirky" format for me but it seems like Randall really jumped the shark after he tried to do that Megan cancer story arc thing. But once every few months or so I'm reminded that it exists by a post like this and forced to go look through the new comics, hoping that maybe they stopped sucking and started being funny again and I am disappointed every time.
> The Big Bang Theory just ruined the whole "nerdy science joke lol so quirky"
I don't really see how. Most of the jokes have more to do with how socially inept they are. The whole "nerds" thing is just a backdrop (granted, an easy choice to make for the premise to be believable), and you don't have to "get" "nerdy science" at all. There's even barely any pop sci references, which is an achievement considering how much "nerdy humour" is about referencing things.
Conclusion: "nerdy science joke lol so quirky" probably ruined itself without any help from Friends v2.0.
>>172
I think I stopped reading before any of that even happened.
>>172,173
I really have no recollection of said strips. I heard something about them and that they were very personal, but I don't think I would be left prejudiced against xkcd after that. AFAIK, Megan is just a name for a generic female character. Large portion of his jokes are related to computers and space (be it science, engineering or "average user's problems"), and I find them entertaining. I haven't checked the site for a few weeks, but I like the last few comics. Plus Randall makes amusing diagrams like https://xkcd.com/1461/ or megaprojects like "Time" or "Lorenz". Sometimes his comic require a little extra explanation but mostly he does a good job keeping them simple.
[Lame confession?]: I usually take months-long break between checking various comics. The longest was Homestuck of MS Paint Adventures: I enjoyed Problem Sleuth (driven by user suggestions), so I was happy to see a comic about some homely kid and weird things that started happening to him. But a year without it (suggestion box was no more), I just felt completely left out. It seems that Homestuck is a great success for the author judging by lots of music, art and all sorts of crap for sale, but I just shrug.
TBBT played some classic science jokes and geek stereotypes well, but in just a few seasons it slumped from nerdy comedy into romantic comedy (catering to "target audience"?). One of the biggest problems is that characters are "Mary Sue of nerdom": they are scientists, programmers, gamers, comic fans, etc – all outstanding. Yet these ultranerds are inconsistent with their own biases, often contradicting themselves for the sake of making another joke (best example is Sheldon). Plus the time frame feels weird, apparently a few years have passed since season 1, our heroes are more mature and experienced now, but at the same time they look and act the same. I would have liked it if it was about perpetual (like Bart Simpson!) "young scientists" getting on with their peaceful lives with more old physics jokes.
>>177
A man earned himself his own antagonist. Now, that's a success.
>>171
everyone here feels this way i thought
my lame confession is that i think dinosaur comics is somewhat better (but still overuses jokes often)
>>171
The only person I know who actually likes XKCD is a pretentious pseudointellectual twat.
>>179,180
Not enough murder and rape in that comic to get the blood going, isn't it?
>>171-182
Yeah-yeah, your irrational and disproportional love and hate of xkcd is lame. Let's get this THREAD back on track.
Why do XKCD fans get so booty-bothered and defensive when someone says they don't like it?
I can't think of any other shitty webcomic following that gets this upset over differing opinions.
I haven't been here in a while, it's been maybe 2 years and even then I only stopped in for a second
Whenever I attempt to grow moustache, I start nervously biting on them once they are long enough thus making them look very uneven.
I tried to edit a wiki yesterday, and couldn't find the edit button for a moment because I was expecting it to say "raep", as on tanasinn.info.
>>186 Don't grow a mustache. Little girls with mustaches are not cute.
My lame confession is that I purposely derailed the grinding noises thread for a few posts with that free software argument just to see how our beloved maim master would incorporate it into the story.
>>188
It's moustache with beard – so it isn't that "your quiet weird neighbour" thing – but biting the former is much easier, it's like biting your upper lip... and then pushing down the upper lip.
Lame confession: I constantly pose as other people on anonymous boards just so I am able to post what I deem as witty replies in their stead. I can't help it.
Lame confession: Sometimes I use the "ITT the previous poster is a nerd" to confirm my nerdiness.
>>191 Shave your beard. Little girls with beards are not cute.
I meant beards but yeah bears are pretty moe too
Today I made out with my mirror image while masturbating.
I made this guy:
Λ__Λ
（ ﾟ mﾟ）
（ ）
sometimes I google things just to post it in the "post your most recent google search" thread
>>199
I'm guilty of this once in a while, myself.
Other times I really do Google outrageous words and phrases.
I don't understand what makes the word "app" so supposedly worthy of hate.
>>201
I haven't heard hate for this term specifically, but I think it might be like a hatred for new trendy terms that suddenly everyone is using and that express dumb, shitty opinions or states of mind. For example: "foodie", which seems to mean "person who thinks he's a gourmet because he bought a $200 gadget at Sonoma-Williams last week." Or "hater", which means "someone with a legitimate criticism of my masterpiece work of art that hurt my feelings, therefore he's a big meanie."
I don't lump "app" in with those words, though. It's just short for application. No big deal.
>>201
It's not the word itself. It's gained an association -- with clueless idiots, with the way people use a word they just learnt when they're trying to make themselves sound techno-savvy. Like "the cloud", "apps" are not a novel concept to the world at large, and yet people are ejaculating it at every opportunity like "selfie" and other words that are new and exciting. It's juvenile.
>>201
Anti-Apple kneejerk reaction, since they reappropriated the word to talk about specifically mobile development. Granted, their idea of how mobile applications should be developed and distributed was novel enough for the name "apps" to stick.
"App" stands for an unfinished, unstable piece of ad-ware which lacks in basic functionality.
That would explain why apparmour is so much worse than SElinux, Tomoyo, and yama.
I fucked a glass water bottle today
>>207
Please clarify: you fucked it or fucked yourself with one?
>>211
Wow, good job acting judgemental in Lame Confessional thread. That's totally lame. There are glass bottles with wider necks than a typical 0.5 l beer bottle. Still, I considered but dismissed putting my dick in one a while ago because it might happen to be a bigger hassle to pull it out than stick it in. I can't recommend this to anyone since this is inherently risky for both your body parts and reputation
Captcha: youth
>>212
To be honest, I'd be more impressed if you could fit the bottle inside your dick.
penises everywhere
>>215
No amount of olive oil is going to get an average sized dick in a glass bottle unless it has an unusually wide opening.
I hope someone with talent records that sing along song in the Clonepa thread. I'd do it, but I don't have anything to make music with.
>>216 You're right. I do have a small penis. Thank you. I shall now carry on with my life with the knowledge, gained from an anonymous user of the internet who has seen both my penis and the bottle I put it in, of my unbearably small penis.
>>216 Heat the bottle up to expand the bottle, and get the penis cold to shrink it. When you do that, it creates a vacuum effect that helps the small penis enter.
You need Jesus.
I promised myself I would get rid of all porn in my browser, but instead I rediscovered what I liked and opened more.
>>207 just buy a fucking Tenga, for god's sake. I know they're kind of expensive but they're specifically designed for fucking.
>>222
Are we still talking about this?
Is a Tenga better than a Fleshlight or haven't you compared?
>>223 I have no idea. I've only used the tenga egg thing, and it's kind of flimsy. I ended up busting a hole through the end when I came, not sure how that speaks to its quality. Maybe the fleshlight is better, who knows
Anyway, people, please don't follow the example of >>215
You may well end up at the hospital having to explain why your cock is stuck in a glass bottle
>>224
I haven't done any damage to my Fleshlights, though I don't use them that often; they're open at both ends so when you blow your load if it hits the the back it goes into the outer plastic casing instead of risking any damage to the "flesh" part. The official lube they come with is kind of gross though, and prep time is a bit of a drag.
Buy a proper Tenga Fliphole. Eggs aren't made for long-term fucking. They are overpriced "fire and forget".
I got a thick dick and the Tenga 3D was too tight. Do they have anything more accommodating?
>>227
Well, they claim "up to 50 times", but "until your dick breaks" is more like it.
>>228
One of those Tenga Fliphole maybe? Don't mistake it with "Flip Air", they are for small dicks^W^Wfor busy businessmen who travel around the world.
http://www.tenga-global.com/products/chart/hole_chart.html
I forgot that I really wanted a Tenga product until >>228 reminded me. Now, I will proceed to order a few things.
>>229
I just checked the site, and there was a product fitting application on the site. It suggested the Deep Throat US cup. Any experience with this one? Seems kinda like the most vanilla and boring one.
>>231
The wretched thing doesn't have Flip or 3D in its suggestions.
I shitpost. Please forgive me.
I also shitpost sometimes. Not all of my posts are shitposts though.
Sometimes I watch anime with headphones off and my windows open hoping that someone will wander by and say "woah, are you watching Milky Holmes? That's my favorite show, we should be friends."
>>235
As a nerd I would take another glimpse to be sure and then silently walk away with a warm realisation that somebody else is watching the show too. Probably, I would post on-line about my discovery without mentioning where it happened.
>>235 there's a guy in one of my classes who openly has JRPG backgrounds on his desktop. Haven't mentioned it yet, though.
>>235
I do something like that. I play music at a considerably loud volume, with all the windows open so my neighbour can listen and think to himself "wow, my neighbour has an amazing taste in music!" I also select carefully what albums I'm going to listen to, always thinking on whether my neighbours will be impressed and sometimes I pretend I'm some sort of radio DJ.
>>238
When my neighbors do that all I think is "what an asshole".
I missed out on my squid lolis and I'm fucking upset!
Sometimes I'm slightly tempted to grow a little strip moustache under my nose and then if anyone asks "what's with the Hitler moustache?" act all offended and lecture them that it's a Charlie Chaplin moustache.
But then I figure people wouldn't see any humor in it and just shun me. Plus my coarse, curly facial pubes probably wouldn't grow into the desired effect.
>>244
I see the humour in it, but still find it kind of stupid. It'd be best if you never do that.
anime belongs in the trash
>>244
Unfortunately, that sort of stunt usually comes off as a lame attempt to get attention, despite whatever the original intention might have been.