>>10, a lot of guys I know are like this.
->i do have a boyfriend and he's not that good-looking but i am completely in love with him, and we've been together for a long time now, he too has an image, though it's more related to the things he did in his past, and does now, because he's strong and reliable. He's attractive, and so am I. I don't want to sound arrogant at all, I'm trying to analyze the situation so that i can maybe help.
When you say strong, how do you mean? Physically? Emotionally? I know a lot of girls go for the physically strong guys. I'm not that strong physically (I'm not weak, but I'm not strong), but I'm very strong emotionally. I suppose it's easy to judge a book by its cover, though. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, as with you, it's just the way it is. Thanks for your input.
>>11, this kind of happened to me with my ex. But, the relationship wasn't the be all and end all of my life for most of it. Unfortunately, I had a relapse into depression in the midst of it and I think we were using eachother as emotional crutches. I think it's dangerous being in a relationship, but you don't get anything if you don't put anything in. I trusted my ex completely, but she broke up with me via a one-liner e-mail (I actually posted about that here). I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
>>12-13
I don't have enough time to be spending on the internet too often, anyway. I want someone who I can talk to face to face.
>When you say strong, how do you mean? Physically? Emotionally? I know a lot of girls go for the physically strong guys.
Emotionally strong, aggressive and good-hearted. Has aggressive facial traits, but yet smoothing eyes; expressing his personality that way.
>I suppose it's easy to judge a book by its cover, though.
It is. And that's why your job (and everyone who wants to have a social life, etc) is to take all of your best things (and some of your bad things, just for the little sour touch, :P right?), and create an image, so that people can judge you, and be accurate about it because you represent what you truly are. To me, that is all that clothes mean: Creating your image so that you can be honest with everyone.
It's fun to play with it, people will think highly of you for taking a slight effort, after some weeks, it'll be nearly automatic if you do this daily. The results will be visible, every slightly good looking person who starts taking care of their image, if they already have a good personality, will be discovered by others, happened to me and lots of other people i know. Like i said, I'm not that good looking, i have some exotic traits that i take advantage of, and dress accordingly to who I am.
(In my case & personal opinion i think that this is very very troubling, so my image is a mix of different pieces from very very different shops, just things i love, showing that i don't care that much but yet i have a lot of passion; i wear clothes that i like, but i don't see what matches and what does not).
This is important, if your looks don't naturally represent your personality:
Pick these things up, and play with me, trying to express yourself. It might be very hard at first, it might not, but if you really care, you will even find it fun. You don't have to obsess over it btw, you just need to care about it: when you wake up / before going out (when that's the case, obviously) / before going to bed.
_______________________________________________________________
>But I'm very strong emotionally.
>I'm not saying that's bad or anything, as with you, it's just the way it is. Thanks for your input.
Try not to contradict yourself, that does not represent someone who is strong emotionally... Erm, what I meant is that, after saying you are strong, you cared if an unknown person felt hurt by what you said. If that person actually did feel hurt, it's their problem, you were just speaking your mind. For a someone who is strong emotionally, it is important to show confidence and care for others. Not by pitying or saying sorry, but by being there, and giving an image of trust.
People will feel good, and in return, answer positively.
>I don't have enough time to be spending on the internet too often, anyway. I want someone who I can talk to face to face.
EXCELLENT CHOICE !
Anyway, this covers the image area ! Now, to meet people you really just need to find out cool places to which going alone doesn't seem bad. Libraries, coffee shops (if you go there just to read, and have a cup of coffee for example), if you like music, music shops. These are just small examples, I can also help you with is if you would like to, but first tell me about what things you like/don't like.
Btw, keep cool, try not to sound desperate when you talk to ANYONE. People don't like despair, it's irritating and frustrating to see it on other people, they feel like they want to help, but that's the exact thing that makes them leave you, the fact that they pity you. So, be proud of yourself and DO NOT let other pity you, no matter what the situation is.
>I've tried a million times at uni and it gave me the reputation of the guy who can't get a gf.
I never go out with guys like that. I could never trust someone who tries, tries and tries again. I can't help but question their genuineness and maturity.
I recently turned down someone like that purely because of that reason. He was a fairly decent, not bad looking guy, got along
well with others, much like how you described yourself. Tried a lot at the dating game, a few successes, a few failures. But for some reason, the fact that he constantly tried so hard just came across as immature to me. As much as I could have liked him, there was my self respect and dignity that I couldn't ignore.
What did he take me for? Some kind of probability statistic? A scratch and win ticket? The lucky break he's been hoping for after "risking" his feelings so many times before. Let me tell you OP, girls with half a mind won't take you as seriously with that approach. When he "confessed" to me, I was not flattered. My heart didn't even flutter a tiny bit. In fact, I was slightly insulted that he thought he had a chance with me.
Point is, you're not only degrading yourself by throwing your love out so easily, you're being selfish and you don't even realise it. Think about it. If you were approached by some desperate, would you accept them? Wouldn't you question their true intentions? How genuine are their feelings towards you?
Anyway, enough ranting, you get the idea.
TLDR: If you keep trying that hard, you're just asking to be rejected.
>>16
This post is best summed up by the adage "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
>>16
So basically, you only have a handful of chances. You have a limited number of times to try before, you will inevitably and always fail.
Of course, though, there are ways to circumvent this. You could either move to a different social group or social ring, to prevent information from spreading. Or you could move. But you have to make sure there is a social barrier between the two groups. And you can only do it after a small number of fails; if you have a gigantic reputation, you'll have to move a significant distance to try again.
As much as the Ladder Theory is misogynistic and obviously written by a bitter little fuck who got his ass kicked around by more than one lady, obviously here there is a grain of truth to it. Same could be said about the "Alpha male" copypasta. However, they overdo it by saying, more or less, "Women are stupid, and like guys that push them around." True, some, perhaps many women do like being kicked around by a guy. But those women tend to come from broken homes, and their screwy brains interpret abuse from their parents as what is love.
The reality of the matter is normal, well-adjusted women, while not liking abuse, are turned off by a combination of desperation, and being kind and nice. They're not stupid, they're actually quite smart. They look at a person, and become suspicious as soon as you get too kind. They know that something is wrong, because otherwise, you wouldn't be so desperate as to need their attention. Chivalry is dead. It makes women think you're secretly a creep. Sad truth, but you can thank people like Ted Bundy for that. The thing women seek is a mixture of both interest, but at the same time, that you don't necessarily need them. This comes off as being cold or being a jerk to other males, but it's really insurance against the former, seeming needy or desperate. Ladder theorists explain this away as women being submissive little animals, but I think it's for the most part insuring against the creeps.
Likewise, the external package is important. I can't sugar-coat this one. Women judge the external package. It's hardwired into all of us. When selecting a potential mate, we try to descern various qualities, like health and ability to take care of others (like young) in the long term. How does this affect you? If you're too fat, or too skinny, you'll get turned down. This is unhealthy, you should get fit for yourself, if not for others, at least. If you have massive acne, that's bad, indicates poor health. Dirty nails, etc. Indicates lack of cleanliness, and a lack of hygiene and by extension health. If you dress less than fashionably, that's bad too, because it looks sloppy and poor. Literally poor. Bad ability to take care of others, and less potential to provide. Same with hair. It's hardwired. Girls, if you talk to them about this, often will say they choose a guy based on personality, but always end up choosing sharp looking guys. It's not because they're necessarily shallow, it's more that all of our brains are hardwired to pick the healthiest and best providers. Our species wouldn't be where it is right now, if we weren't this way. And anyways, you wouldn't go out with a limpy boobed, hobo leper.
In conclusion, the thing is, you need to be confident in yourself, you need to at least fake not being desperate or needy (whether it be by false bravado, false apathy, or by even a small amount of meanness), not be overly kind (for above reason. Also, this does not entitle being an ass) while maintaining your appearances. And then get out there, but try your luck with manageable women. Don't bother going after the girl with 500 dollar shoes. Those girls often can afford expensive trinkets because they know they attract high-level guys who can afford to buy them that sort of junk occasionally. You need to be very on top of your game to attract these ones.
Also, don't ever announce that you like a person. It's abrupt and way too direct. You want to go for meals (and not ones where you pay that implies aforementioned being desperate, splitting the bill is better...making her pay is being an ass) hang-out and do other stuff, all while subtly implying some attraction (some flirting where appropriate), but also maintaining the perception that you are strong and independent. It's perhaps better to make her say that she likes you.
how come >>1-san's font looks not-bold?
Ｗｈｏ ｋｎｏｗｓ？
Ｎｏｔ ｍｅ．
>>19
Marry me.
>>18
Moving to another social circle is acceptable. But I think the heart of the problem is that he doesn't stop to assess his chances. He blindly gambles, whilst he could be making educated guesses. After so many failures, he doesn't gain any experience points, and instead creates a needy image that kills his future chances with other girls. Girls want to feel worthy and secure. That's why they like "the chase", because I guess if you want anything valuable, you have to work for it.
Love= No logic.
Love= personality (and looks too for some people)
Love= DEDICATION!
>>19
I once was friends with a girl that told me that most girls don't go for the nice guy. And that a friend of her's prefered a guy that was an asshole. She also said that she didn't go for the nice type either. Haha. Man, I said she and her friend were weird.
>>25
i think that's often more true in younger girls. priorities shift greatly with a little maturity.
>>24
Love=Hormones
>>9
>>->I think I'll just die lonely. I'm actually not pitying myself. I just consider it a fact that some people like myself are born with this curse
>>I used to be like that, and was actually quite comfortable in it. I was bitter at first, but then just grew comfortable with it. Unfortunately, that comfort got taken away, and I've been left up the creek without a paddle.
I hear you. Once that comfort is gone, it feels like you've lost yourself. There's nothing there anymore, all that's left is the knowledge that the rest of the world sees you as a pathetic excuse for a man, and you've got nothing left to retreat to in response.
After years and years of effort taken to finally get myself to feel comfortable being alone, a couple of co-workers just had to go and destroy it all. Trying to tell me that a certain girl (quite attractive, I might add) had a thing for me. Should've known better. Should've reacted with my usual cynicism and suspicion. I should've known that a girl like her would never have been interested in a guy like me.
Which, turns out, was exactly the case. She already had a boyfriend, who she was quite happy with, thank you very much.
I can still hear the sniggering. Fucking bastards.
(__)_) <--- Ass
m-'.'-m <--- Moses
Crazy, i hate all of this garbage about girls and nice guys and girls who like guys who abuse them or are mean to them. Gosh for heaven sakes could you at least listen to one thing i have to say is that if you want to be alone then fine be alone be a preist and become closer to god, or if you cant do that live in small village in japan and make your own house out of wood. But if you want a relationship just act yourself and if yourself seems to never get the girl you want then forget dont worry about it. the only person who lonely in this world is people who think that having a girlfriend is the only way to get out of loneliness just get a good friend or a friend who is a girl and get the idea that they will be your gf .