[VIOLENCE] ITT we decide who would win the fight set up by the poster above us (501)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 00:15

Clonepa or Superman?

201 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 21:39

The hand, aided by its superior dexterity, wins over the clumsier foot.

202 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 21:57

Gnomes vs fairies

203 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8473 17:05

Gnomes are masters of combat using melee weapons. Fairies don't know much about combat. Gnomes win.

Battletoads vs Cheetahmen

204 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8474 00:23

Obviously Battletoads, amphibians have a higher rate of reproduction.

All Fiction vs Gold Experience Requiem

205 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8488 16:46

They both erase one another from reality. Clonepa wins.

Clifford the Big Red Dog vs the Jolly Green Giant

206 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 17:50

>>205
Just look at the 1930 Green Giant. Does that look to you like a man who would hesitate before beating a dog to death with a giant peapod? It doesn't to me.

>>207
Self pity vs self hatred

207 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 19:45

>>206
Self-pity. Self-hatred is a sign of depression or other mental issues, whereas self-pity is a sign of being a pansy-ass wimp, and is therefore much cheaper to treat (using a slap to the face).

>>208
Pirate vs ninja (is this still going?)

208 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 20:15

>>207
Ninjas are highly skilled and disciplined elite fighters; pirates are just thuggish drunkards. I don't know how anyone could seriously think they are equal opponents.

>>209
Isaac Newton vs Gottfried Leibniz

209 Name: (iœjฤชชชฒiœj) : 1993-09-8776 23:42

>>208
Leibniz gave us the "d," so I can't deny him this one

>>210
A taffy puller vs a mochi pounder

210 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8777 23:01

>>209
As best I can tell, taffy pullers seem to be exclusively made of metal, whereas mochi pounders seem to be exclusively made of wood, which immediately gives a large advantage to the taffy puller. On the other hand, the mochi pounder is itself essentially a bludgeoning weapon, whereas a taffy puller is just a metal box with small, slowly spinning appendages attached. When it comes down to it, I think a mochi pounder being used to pound a taffy puller could easily disable it entirely, but a taffy puller being used on a mochi pounder would have little to no effect. I'm going to give this one to the mochi pounder.

>>211
( Lƒึ`) vs (@MƒnLj

211 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8778 00:48

>>210
(@MƒnLjis a fearsome opponent, but too straightforward. ( Lƒึ`) might look weaker, but his sneaky clever wit will always give him the edge, as in this confrontation.

>>212
Serval-chan vs. horny tentacle monster

212 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8778 22:14

>>211
Given an open field of battle and without the element of surprise, I would imagine that Serval-chan's superior speed and agility would allow her to easily keep out of reach of the groping appendages, while periodically darting in to quickly injure or even sever one tentacle at a time, leaving the monster in question defenceless. Serval-chan has, after all, been shown to take down ceruleans several times her size.

>>213
Your neighbour(s) living to the left of you vs your neighbour(s) living to the right of you.

213 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8779 13:17

>>212
I have no doubt that the students living to the left of me would be defeated within seconds of a battle against the 30-odd members of the Romanian family to the right of me. Those guys need TWO minibuses to get around. They definitely have the overwhelming advantage in numbers.

>>214
VIPPER vs DQN

214 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8780 18:19

>>213
That is a tough call. On one hand, you have a guy who is soliciting payment (he won't get much, lol internet), and on the other hand, you have a guy who is enough of an idiot that the normal Japanese words for idiot don't suffice. I think DQN. His lack of a clear end game might be a disadvantage in most situations, but at least running off to mootxico is not in the playbook.

>>215
a sound, well-measured argument vs. some convenient bullshit

215 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8780 18:58

>>214
Some convenient bullshit takes less time to say than a well-measured argument, so bullshit wins among people with short attention spans

>>216
Original Sailor Moon or Sailor Moon Crystal?

216 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9083 22:32

>>215 Sailor Moon Crystal hits a lot harder but Original Sailor Moon would only need to get one hit in and Crystal would shatter. If Original Sailor Moon fights smart I think she could take the win.

>>217 Who would win in an all out no holds barred bare knuckle fistfight between Ted Rea from Shattuck, Oklahoma and Satou Hideo, 41?

217 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9083 22:53

>>216
I have no idea who Satou Hideo is, but I've never seen a shitty boring thread on DQN about him, so he wins.

>>218
Alice (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland) vs Alice (Kiniro Mosaic) vs Alice (Touhou Project) vs Alice (Rozen Maiden).

218 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 13:31

>>217
Firstly, it seems that Alice is just a normal girl with no particular physical or magical abilities, so it is unlikely she could win against the other three fighters. That leaves Alice, Alice and Alice. I will assume that Alice can re-enact while fighting the feats she performed will dreaming e.g. growing indefinitely tall which is surely the most useful in combat. However, she has no particular will to fight nor combat training.
What about the remaining two contestants? Alice is a magician, a very skilful puppeteer and also somewhat of an artificer. Alice is an idealized perfect doll who appears to combine the talents of all Rozen Maidens, including their combat abilities which are certainly impressive by doll or human standards. Note though that Alice is used to danmaku fighting, helping her dodge ranged attacks from Alice.
In the end, I think it depends on the amount of preparation you allow for the fight. The giant Alice could quite easily stomp out the others. Barring this, Alice would probably win thanks to the sheer number and strength of her dolls, even though her magical powers are probably weaker than Alice's.
So, I'm going to go with Alice winning here.

>>219
Highly-skilled C++ programmer vs highly-skilled Haskell programmer.

219 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 13:34

>>218
Everyone loses with the thought there is skill memorizing the worthless complexity of either language.

>>220
Highly-skilled nose picker or highly-skilled ear picker.

220 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 15:44

>>219
There are people who remove the stuffing from your ear professionally, so I'd rather be really good at picking my nose since I can't rely on professionals to do so

>>221
Highly-skilled dokyuun or highly-skilled vipper

221 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 17:28

>>220 DQN-kun is better-looking and more refined than VIPPER, but if they put their skills together they'd be an unstoppable team.

>>222 Call-centre salesperson vs. NEET?

222 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 18:35

>>221
NEET would not be able to turn the salesperson down, and would end up in even more debt from purchasing a 3 years' worth of commercial PBX support for a 60-person business.

>>223
The foil-covered leftovers I know have been in the refrigerator for 6 months or the airtight leftovers that have been in the refrigerator since I moved in?

223 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 22:13

>>222
If they're genuinely airtight, then the airtight leftovers; otherwise, the foil-covered.

>>224
A first-wave feminist vs a second-wave feminist vs a third-wave feminist vs a fourth-wave feminist.

224 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 22:40

>>223
The fifth column.

>>225
I've narrowed it down to "Suffering.", "Death.", or "I... don't know." So which is it?

225 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 23:05

>>224
Suffering.

>>226
Ace Ventura (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) vs Truman Burbank (The Truman Show) vs Bruce Nolan (Bruce Almighty, but without the God powers).

226 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9087 08:30

>>225
Truman Burbank. Being the most sensible of the trio, he would be the first to just grab a weapon and knock the other two out.

>>227
Puyo Puyo or Tetris?

227 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9087 11:03

>>226
Tetris. It's older, more widely known, has more iconic music, has more straightforward game mechanics, and, crucially, is still easily playable if you're colourblind, unlike Puyo Puyo.

>>228
Oedipus from Greek mythology vs Mom from The Binding of Isaac.

228 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 04:13

>>227
Oedipus was a pretty clever guy. Once you bring him up to speed with the concepts and he starts playing around with the item combos, I'd say it would take him only an afternoon or two before he gets one of those split-second screen-wiping kills.

>>229
The main four of Seinfeld against the Beatles. All are aged at the height of their popularity. One day of prep time plus knowledge of their opponents. Modern urban location.

229 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 05:56

>>228
Seinfeld cast, no contest. The Beatles are too peace-loving and head-in-the-clouds to come up with a viable strategy. Meanwhile, the Seinfeld cast use misdirection to lure the Beatles into various traps and explosives around the battlefield. Once most of the Beatles are down, Seinfeld cast just snipes them out one at a time from afar.

>>230
Girl's Generation vs. the 8 top members of AKB48. No weapons provided. Battle takes place in an empty field.

230 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 21:01

>>229
The minute Girl's Generation start to perform, all members of AKB48 instantly die of boredom from their watered-down, miserable, excruciatingly derivative R&B

>>231
Every character played by Bruce Willis vs every character played by The Rock

231 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9129 22:41

>>230
According to IMDb, Bruce Willis has appeared in 119 films, whereas The Rock has only appeared in 102 (admittedly this doesn't account for playing the same character in multiple films). Physically they seem pretty well matched, so I think the difference in numbers would be enough to swing it in Bruce's favour.

>>232
Me vs you.

232 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 00:26

>>231
I don't know anything about you except you post on DQN and know how to use IMDb, so it's hard to say. I've never been in a real fight so I'd probably lose if you have any experience at all. However I am fairly big, moderately fit, and can have some judo training which might give me an edge.

That said I don't really have any desire to fight you so I'd probably just end up conceding.

>>233
A platoon of ten Hello Kitties armed with AK-47s vs. a single US Navy Seal trained in gorilla warfare

233 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 07:31

>>232 The dumb navy seal went to the wrong class, he might have stood a chance had he went to guerrilla warfare training class but the skills he learned for fighting apes won't help him here. Hello Kitty is actually quite a vicious young girl, he doesn't stand a chance against 10.

>>234 Hulk Hogan vs the same US Navy Seal

234 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9146 15:08

>>233
Hulk Hogan, because the Hello Kitties already killed the Navy Seal.

>>235
Armok, God of Blood vs Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos.

235 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9147 23:46

>>234
At first, this looks like a clear win for Armok: pure desolation favors Armok, but leaves Nyarlathotep with no pawns and no enjoyment. On the other hand, Nyarlathotep can't really do anything to directly defeat Armok.

Upon reflection, however, I remembered Data's strategy of constant stalemate and frustration against Kolrami, the Zakdorn strategist. Nyarlathotep could postpone the inevitable until it gained more enjoyment out of the scenario than Armok ever could.

Of course, we all know they'd just become friends and team up.

>>236
Nethack's player @ (as the rider War) vs Morrowind's protagonist (alchemy and spellcrafting, but no console)

236 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9155 21:54

>>235
Even with alchemy and spellcraft alone, there are plenty of ridiculous and game breaking exploits available in Morrowind. Unless @ chances upon a wand of death, they're done for.

>>237
Theresa May vs Margaret Thatcher.

237 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9156 15:58

>>236
Theresa May. Thatcher may be the iron lady, but also she is dead. If their supporters where to get involved, probably Thatcher (just down to numbers).

>>238
A giant panda vs 100 young human children.

238 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9157 14:34

>>237
Some giant pandas have already exceeded that number. People would leave their unwanted girls in the panda zoo and say that the deaths were accidental.
>>239
Duke Togo vs Deadshot

239 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9190 23:24

>>238
Deadshot has a longer wikipedia page than Golgo 13, so I'm going to have to give this one to Togo by virtue of obscurity. Plus, his name is cooler.

>>240
Posters who use "captcha:" vs posters who use "vc:"

240 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9190 23:43

>>239
The time that vcposters save not typing an extra five letters is time they can instead spend punching captchaposters in the face.

>>241
Bowser vs Dr Robotnik.

241 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9191 06:18

>>240
Bowser is a stage actor who depending on circumstance can even be swung out of an arena by a tiny man; I'm not saying he's a pushover, just that he's kind of a softie somewhere in there. Robotnik appears to be an actual dick in a strong majority of cases (sometimes just selfish), and is largely foiled by opponents who are kinda OP compared to his mechanical genius. So Bowser will probably lose unless he is allowed to use the "I have a friend" gambit.

>>242
Bozo the Clown vs. Bob from Tekken

242 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9535 15:01

>>241
Bob is a martial arts expert from a fighting game, whereas Bozo has no combat experience whatsoever, as best I can tell. This is an easy win for Bob.

>>243
A kakapo vs a fairy penguin.

243 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 13:44

>>242
Kakapo. While both can't fly, the kakapo has fighting skills which can be compared to those of a rooster. It can sway its wings, jump forward and intimidate the enemy, while the fairy penguin is clumsy and weak.

>>244
Dora the Explorer VS Kim Jong Un.

244 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 17:16

>>243
Dora is a seasoned explorer, with experience surviving in the wild and handling dangerous animals, while Kim is a coddled old man who's clearly never seen action. There are also reports suggesting the Supreme Leader has various limiting health conditions, including diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. My money's definitely on Dora.

>>245
Elves vs. dwarves. Assume equal numbers on both sides, and the battleground is neither underground nor in a forest.

245 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 17:37

>>244
Dwarfs are physically resistant to magic while elves are not physically resistant to a cannonball to the face. Plus, Dwarfs won the War of the beard.

>>246
John Lennon vs. Vladimir Lenin. Assume they've both been resurrected at the heights of their physical capabilities.

246 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 19:48

>>245
I've got to go with Vlad on this one. As far as I can tell, Lenin survived at least one shooting and Lennon survived zero.

>>247
Three copies of Karl Marx vs. the Marx brothers (only Groucho, Chico, and Harpo). All resurrected to the physical condition they were in at age 35.

247 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 20:08

>>246 The Marx brothers would do a comedy skit about capitalism. The Karl Marx clones would laugh at the show. When one Marx brother would step off stage, he would plant an explosive cigar on a Karl Marx clone. The result would be a win for the Marx brothers.

>>246 Patchouli (Touhou) vs Sailor Mercury. Which 2d bookworm is better?

248 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 00:42

>>247
In terms of their powers, Patchouli has the obvious advantage here. She can command earth, which overcomes water in the Wuxing cycle. All of Ami's attacks and abilities are are water-based, so that gives her a severe handicap (unless the swords she makes out of water, or the Sailor Star Tambo, don't count as elemental.)

There's room for argument based on the facts that danmaku isn't particularly serious fighting compared to that which the Sailor Scouts do, and that Ami's physical stamina exceeds Patchouli's, but Stage 4 is going to be her toughest challenge in EoSD. I'm predicting Patchu will foil, at minimum, Ami's first 1CC attempt.

>>249
The guy who posted "dicks out for Hara​mbe" in every single thread on 4-ch vs. the guy who's been starting shitloads of threads about COO​MERs

249 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 01:55

>>248
Gorilla. Both jokes were spread and overused throughout every forum and social medias, but "dicks out" as a phrase has a lot of impact.

>>250
Renaissance paintings vs. ASCII art characters.

250 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 10:40

>>249
ASCII art characters can call for endless copy/pasted reinforcements, whereas renaissance paintings take days, at least, to produce more of. Also, ASCII art characters are frequently depicted with rocket launchers, tanks, comically oversized hammers, etc., whereas the most a renaissance painting will get is a guy on horseback with a sword or something. The renaissance paintings, outnumbered and outgunned, would fall quickly.

>>251
Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata vs Hiiragi Tsukasa & Hiiragi Kagami.

251 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9721 14:11

>>250
Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata for sure. Not only is Konata more popular, she is also smarter than the Hiiragi sisters combined, while Miyuki's moe level would destroy their self-esteem.

>>252
Barbie vs He-Man.

252 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9721 21:06

>>251
He-Man is an honourable gentleman, and would never attack an unarmed lady. Barbie may lack any corresponding compunction, but she also lacks any plausible way of defeating the most powerful man in the universe. The result would be a stalemate.

>>253
Daniel (Amnesia: The Dark Descent) vs Oswald Mandus (Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs) vs Simon Jarett (SOMA)

253 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9808 19:02

>>252
Daniel is a pansy who's afraid of the dark, so he's definitely losing this fight. Oswald is the only one of the three who actually kills one of his enemies -- although he does so indirectly, via electrocution. Simon does have (potentially) two copies, which would be a substantial advantage, however he's rather a pansy too, and almost completely helpless without Catherine. Furthermore, Oswald is shown to have a very good understanding of mechanics and electricity, so he can likely find a way to disable or kill Simon, provided there's stuff in the environment to work with. I think Mandus is most likely to come out on top.

>>254
All the colossi from Shadow of the Colossus vs all the divine beasts and guardians from Breath of the Wild.

254 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9818 07:39

>>253
While intimidating, all the colossi are defeated by a random teenage boy with an ordinary sword he's mediocre at using, while the divine beasts and guardians can only be defeated by a legendary Hero of Time likely equipped with potent weaponry (or possibly with a tree branch, but still a tree branch in the hands of a legendary hero.)

The clincher is that there are a mere 16 colossi, while there are 172 guardians of various types. Even though some (about 70) are immobile, I predict them murderizing the colossi quickly with sheer numbers, without the divine beasts even having to enter the fray.

>>255
Odin vs. oden.

255 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9818 09:39

>>254
In the Prose Edda it is said that Odin doesn't eat anything, and gives all the food on his table to his wolves, Geri and Freki. Whether that would count as "winning a fight" against a bowl of oden is a little ambiguous, but I'd say so.

>>256
A gelatinous cube vs a mimic.

256 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9820 05:37

>>255
Assuming D&D Logic, cubes are acidic. (they're basically a giant stomach made out of jam, so they have to be.) Therefore, even if the mimic was physically large enough to not be immediately engulfed by the cube, it's attempt to eat it would end extremely badly.

>>257
J.C. Denton vs. Desert Punk. Both have all their gadgets, augmentations and other assorted tricks, though it's strictly 1 vs. 1. To make the battle fair, it takes place in a forest during the day, and both competitors have to use civilian-grade weaponry generously donated by an American gun store.

257 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9820 07:25

>>256
Depends largely on Denton's build. If he puts his skill points in rifles and takes the ballistic protection, cloak, regeneration and vision enhancement augs, I'd put my money on him, especially if Desert Punk stubbornly insists on still using a Winchester 1897 like daddy while JC opts for more advanced weaponry (say, an AR-15 if it has to be from 2020, not 2052.) Notably, his augmented vision can likely neutralize a number of the Punk's favored tricks, like the balloons and smoke bombs.

If JC went for Computers, Swimming, Microfibral Muscle and Environmental Resistance, his difficulty hitting a human-sized target's center of mass with a pistol from 20 paces will pose little threat to Desert Punk.

>>258
Masaki Michishita vs. Takakazu Abe.

258 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9821 21:51

>>257
My first instinct was to just go with whoever's the top, but rereading the original work, it seems they both take turns. Nonetheless, Abe is clearly the more confident and experienced of the two, has a more physical profession, and appears to be more muscular, so I think he's the most likely to win by far.

>>259
You vs your own childhood trauma.

259 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 14:03

>>258
I lose to my childhood trauma. I often have a difficult time falling asleep, not waking up, and being burnt by eternal hell fire. Fire and brimstone sermons still have me over 25 years later.

>>260
Kim Yo-Jong vs Park Geun-hye

260 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 15:28

>>259
Kim Yo-Jong is at least half of Park Geun-hye's age, and she's got that hardcore North Korean edge to her. Also she has a dictatorship's military behind her. Easy victory and futile nuclear barrage goes to Kim Yo-Jong.

>>261
Corona-chan vs Ebola-kun

261 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 18:58

>>260
Ebola definitely puts on a better show for the audience, with the dramatic bleeding and high mortality rate, but there's just no arguing with Corona's ruthless, insidious spread.

>>262
A man with no legs vs a man with no arms.

262 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9844 01:15

>>261
Assuming neither is allowed any weaponry, kicks have much stronger force than punches, so my money is on the guy with no arms. Leggy will also have the advantage in mobility. However, should leggy not immediately win the fight within the first few kicks, he could prove vulnerable to being grappled and even toppled by Mr. Arms. I'd still give it to Leggy, though, as in a fight, the initiator generally has the upper hand, and Leggy definitely would be the initiator.

>>263
A cyber-punk (A punk who dresses like he's from a mid-nineties interpretation of the near future) vs. a steam-punk (a punk who glued brass cogs to everything he owns.)

263 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9844 19:47

>>262
Assuming the only difference is how they dress (i.e. the cyberpunk doesn't get any cybernetic enhancements, the steampunk doesn't get any fancy wrist-mounted crossbows, etc.) cyberpunk clothing is typically much lighter and more mobile than the heavy, metallic steampunk clothing, so I'd be inclined to give it to the cyberpunk.

>>264
"Doc" Eriko Kamata (Texhnolyze) vs Dr Ritsuko Akagi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

264 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9891 21:16

>>263
Doc, simply because she's hotter.

>>265
Foo Fighters vs a foo.

265 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9892 21:47

>>264
The Foo Fighters outnumber the foo, and have been specifically trained to fight foos, so they will win easily.

>>266
A bus driver vs a postman.

266 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9893 00:37

>>265
Bus drivers are war-torn heroes, dealing with small, rowdy children, or meth addicted schizos depending on the type. Postmen are just mail-deliverers. So definitely the bus driver.

>>267
A pig vs a goat

267 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9893 02:23

>>266
Gotta be the pig. They're bigger and smarter and willing to eat shit to survive.

>>268
A horny rhino vs a hungry hippo

268 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 10:01

>>267
The extensive research I have done (watching a 30 second video on youtube) indicates that, sans adjectives, a hippo has the upper hand against a rhino. Making the rhino horny wouldn't improve its combat ability significantly, but a hungry hippo (as long as it's not starving) may become fiercer. I think the hungry hippo wins out.

>>269
The current heads of state of the last two nations you have set foot in (poster's choice if this is ambiguous or not well-defined). The location is the rocks where Kirk fought the Gorn. No prep time or modern weapons, but plenty of suspiciously-convenient natural resources.

269 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:41

>>268
Guðni Jóhannesson, Iceland's President, could easily overpower the Queen of England. It wouldn't even be a contest.

>>270
John Stalvern vs John Freeman

270 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:47

>>268
I have never set foot in another nation, but I believe my shoes were made in China. If that counts, then I guess Xi Jinping wins this one.

>>270
A handicapped Winnie the Pooh vs a homosexual.

271 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:57

I messed up. >>269 wasn't here when I arrived.
>>269
John Freeman, since Stalvern will be kill by demons.

>>272
8-bit hentai gifs vs YouTube's appealing thumbnails.

272 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 23:14

>>271
Hentai gifs are alluring, entertaining, and give you exactly what you want. Youtube thumbnails may be superficially enticing, but they're all empty promises with no substance.

>>273
King of Pentacles vs Queen of Wands vs Knight of Cups vs Page of Swords.

273 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9895 02:26

>>272
Not knowing a damn thing about the historical meaning of any of those things, I'm going to bet on the guy with swords. (Seriously, what's a knight going to do with a cup?)

>>274
(*฿[฿) vs ( ฿ -฿) vs ( ฿ ƒŽ฿)

274 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9895 10:30

>>272 Who would win in a fight though‽

>>273 ( ฿ -฿) lets (*฿[฿) and ( ฿ ƒŽ฿) duke it out then steals the win at the end

>>275 Tablecat vs. Zombie Longcat

275 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9896 22:33

>>274
Tablecat is limited to his table, while Longcat travelled through every corner of the world. Plus he's longer, so he'd definitely win.

>>276
2B vs. Tifa Lockhart.

276 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9899 23:55

>>275 Tifa Lockheart crushes the others with the best Oppai of any RPG

>>277 Usagi Tsukino vs Usagi Yojimbo.

277 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9926 12:38

>>276
If by Usagi Yojimbo you mean the protagonist of the series, Miyamoto Usagi, then I think it would be an easy win for Tsukino, given that she has magical powers and he doesn't, as far as I can tell. If you mean that she has to fight the entire Usagi Yojimbo franchise, I think it may be a stalemate, as I can't see any clear way either could harm the other.

>>278
You with a kitchen knife attached to your nose vs an adult emperor penguin with a kitchen knife attached to its beak. The fight takes place on land. Assume you cannot disarm the penguin. You cannot detach your own knife, but you are not obligated to use it, and can fight with hands and feet if you prefer. The penguin understands how to use its knife, and is trying to kill you, but otherwise is a mundane penguin without any special intelligence or training.

278 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9926 20:20

>>277
I'd win.
Given that the penguin is still a common and irrational creature, I'd run away until I reached a penguin of the opposite sex that aroused its instincts. As it gets distracted, I'd hug it from behind and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab.

>>278
An angered elderly mathematics professor vs. a hungry overweight lady on a mart cart, both fighting over a pack of sausages.

279 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9927 18:38

>>278
The maths professor is likely to be faster and more agile, so if he can just grab it and run, he'll easily be taking home his meaty prize. On the other hand, the overweight woman is likely to have greater strength, and has what is effectively a motorised battering ram to try to knock the gentleman off balance. Unless the mathematician can get the element of surprise, I'm inclined to say the woman will be the one dining well tonight.

>>280
Alpha Hatsuseno (Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou) vs Akari Mizunashi (Aria)

280 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 11:27

>>279
They are girlfriends...

>>281
September 9999 vs September 10000

281 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:20

>>280
10000 has more digits, but that makes them less dextrous. With fewer fingers, 9999 strikes swiftly and has the upper hand.

>>282
>>282 vs >>283

282 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:53

>>281
Obviously me. That other nerd doesn't even exist yet.

>>283
>>282 vs >>283.

283 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 15:45

>>282
I think you've got this, mate

>>284
The Easter Bunny vs the Moon Rabbit.

284 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 16:29

>>283
The Moon Rabbit would pound the Easter Bunny's ass like it was nothing

>>285
100 Italians or 70 Russians? The battle must take place on neutral ground.

285 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 23:55

>>284
The Russians, no contest. It would be a bloodbath.

>>286
Reimu Hakurei vs Marisa Kirisame vs Sakuya Izayoi vs Youmu Konpaku vs Sanae Kochiya.

286 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10067 23:18

>>286
I don't know any of those characters so the winner would be (rolls d6) Youmu Konpaku through clever use of a digital watch.

>>287
A shooting hobo vs. a stabbing hobo, both starting out hidden.

287 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 00:29

>>286
Since you never bring a knife to a gunfight, the stabbing hobo has the element of surprise and wins.

>>288
Slavoj Žižek vs Plato

288 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 01:13

>>287
Plato, as he was a wrestler and Zizek can barely breathe.

>>289
The Hamburgler vs Moon Man

289 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 19:53

>>288
It's a good time for the great taste - dinner! At McDonald's, it's Mac Tonight!

>>290
Peep-flavored Pepsi vs Coca-Cola Clear

290 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10070 21:55

>>289
If mixed together, the Pepsi would presumably overpower the Coca-Cola in terms of both taste and colour. Does that count as winning a fight? I don't know, but let's say yes.

>>291
A colossal squid vs a great white shark. Fight takes place on land.

291 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10070 23:39

>>290
The squid is likely to have server structural damage from the difference in pressure from its native habitat. Great shark wins by surviving longer, perhaps even enough to flop back into the ocean.

>>292
briefs vs long johns

292 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10071 01:39

>>291
Long johns have the length, but briefs have the strength... it's almost a hard tie, but I say long johns
>>293
micheal jackson vs elvis

293 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10072 12:27

>>292
Presley spent two years serving in the US army, was apparently quite skilled in karate, and was not shy about using amphetamines to supplement his physical abilities. Jackson, meanwhile, as far as I can tell had no fighting experience of any sort, and was known to have quite a weak constitution. I reckon this would be an easy win for Elvis.

As an aside, while looking up stuff for this answer, I found out that Michael Jackson was briefly married to Elvis Presley's daughter, which I did not know.

>>294
EVA unit 01 vs the ender dragon from Minecraft. Assume the EVA is not connected to power and has only its internal battery. The fight takes place on the end island with all crystals active.

294 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10093 01:34

>>293 I will say the minecraft guy wins

>>295 confucius quotes versus buddha quotes?

vc:inane

295 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10093 16:41

>>294
I googled and here were the top 3 results for each:

Confucius:
*Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you.
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.*

Buddha:
*Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.*

Confucius sounds like a real pussy, whereas Buddha sounds kinda like a bad-ass martial artist. Buddha quotes are the obvious winner.

>>296
Kirby from Smash 64 VS Bayonetta from Smash 4

296 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10098 11:10

>>295
Kirby would do that thing where he inhales his enemy and then spits them out under the stage so they can't get back up again. Bayonetta would fall, helpless, into the void.

>>297
Maiden in Black (Demon's Souls) vs Emerald Herald (Dark Souls II) vs Fire Keeper (Dark Souls III) vs the Doll (Bloodborne)

297 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 12:34

>>296
First things first, the Fire Keeper has no eyes by default, and the Doll is inanimate unless you have at least one insight (which the other three presumably do not), so they're both functionally out of the fight. Physically, the Emerald Herald looks to be in much better shape -- the Maiden in Black is frail and leans on a wooden staff -- however the Maiden has a demon inside her(?) and can exert enough power over the Old One to send it to sleep, so she almost certainly has some sort of weird bullshit power she could bring out if she needed to. I reckon the Maiden would win.

>>298
Howl (Howl's Moving Castle) vs Haku (Spirited Away, in dragon form)

298 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 20:01

>>297
I have a soft spot for bishonen, so Howl.

>>299
Siri vs Cortana vs Clippy vs Bonzi Boddy vs ELIZA?

299 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10207 11:25

>>298
Clippy is (as far as I know?) the only one of these who actually harasses you unprompted, rather than just responding to user commands. This initiative will give him the upper hand, allowing him victory.

>>300
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (as they were at their height, assume their magic is actually functional) vs Golden Dawn (Greek neo-Nazi organisation)

300 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10239 13:55

>>299
Golden Dawn has actually murdered people, whereas the magic golden dawn doesnt look that dangerous and kinda geeky honestly, so the Nazis, easily.

>>301
Chris-Chan vs Jonty Bravery (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50692100)

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