Clonepa or Superman?
Clonepa, if you kill one of him two more will jump out of a cloning vat to take his place.
Duke Nukem or Superman?
Duke Nukem cause Clonepa already kicked superman's ass
What do I say?
Mittens would totally lose that fight.
Godzilla vs. Batman - In Gotham, but Godzilla has the element of surprise.
Godzilla
Kenshiro vs. Haruhi
Kenshiro dominates the talent portion but Haruhi takes it all home with the swimsuit competition.
a midget V a dwarf
>Kenshiro dominates the talent portion but Haruhi takes it all home with the swimsuit competition.
RAAAAAAAAAAEG
>a midget V a dwarf
what
geese howard vs wolfgang krauser
>>9
answer the fucking question or we don't fucking answer yours
krauser coz he be burnin
calvin klein vs a bathing ape
>>14
@ ©__©
@i@ί mίj I'm not into the whole triple-posting thing.
@i@@@j
Also, dwarf. Have you seen those pickaxes?
While the PC is clearly weak versus virus, the Mac has no virus-elemental attack (despite what hollywood would have you believe) as it's only use is as a fashion accessory. PC wins through sheer marketshare.
My Dad VS Your Dad
( E-E) Me, because 20get
( E-E) Enrico Pucci vs. Goenitz
GIS reveals they are clearly the same character. Therefore, this must be a man vs himself scenario, In which case, I give a 58 to 1 odds that he overcomes his demons and becomes a more complete human being in the process. The demons in this case, by viewing images of the man in question, are probably either shopaholism or a mild to moderate stutter.
Jack Nicholson (1974) VS Robert Redford (1972); bare knuckle boxing, no hitting below the belt. Winner determined not by outcome of match but by who Bridgette Bardot (1961) runs to after the match, with tears in her eyes.
> Bridgette
This does not sound like the most legit of the Bardots. I doubt either of them would intentionally allow him to ran to them, which means that the only person who would stick around after the match would be the loser, who under those terms would be found the winner. And that obviously would be Jack Nicholson.
Laser Kirby vs. Sword Kirby
Sword, except when there's a lot of angled surfaces to make the lasers bounce all over.
Elevators vs Escalators
Elevators, because you can't transport heavy machinery by escalator.
Mariko Morikawa versus Miyabi Hayama
75 Ford Ekonoline 350 van, because more k's in the name mean more power.
Two lvl. 3 mages or a lvl. 6 warrior?
The warrior. He has more speed, which means he gets the first attack and one-hits the first mage. The second mage, being lv3, has no spells that are actually useful and pretty crappy physical stats, so he might manage to knock a few HP off the warrior, but he'll get pounded too in the end.
Brut vs. Old Spice
As it is notoriously difficult to convince cologne to engage in fisticuffs, I would have to determine the winner by which athelete sponsored each brand. The Internet tells me that Brut has been sponsored in the past by Joe Namath and Cassius Clay among others, while Old Spice has some NASCAR guy. Bruce Campbell, while very manly, can not save this match.
Winner is Brut, with Old Spice's weary, aging, broken body gasping for breath under the pressure of three broken ribs, one collapsed lung and critical head trauma that will most certainly leave Old Spice mentally feeble for the rest of it's natural life.
HAL9000 VS SKYNET; chess match, no interference.
>Bruce Campbell, while very manly, can not save this match.
I shall say good day to you, sir.
Epic fail.
Kirby versus Mario
Yes indeed.
cpm vs uho
DQN, idiots are more accomplished fighters than VIPPERS.
One's left fist vs one's right elbow
The outcome would depend on whether one is left-handed, right-handed, or ambidextrous. In the final case, the elbow would win as the bone and cartilage is much more massive in that area, giving it greater resilience and allowing it to land much more devastating blows.
Ngo Dinh Diem vs Syngman Rhee
I refuse to research these gentlemen or genteel women to determine the winner, so I will flip a coin... it rolled under the desk so I'm going to have to give this one to Superman.
Thread Structure VS Serial Derailment
i am a heron. i haev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment in 10 other threds i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
Daisies versus dandelions
Dandelions. Their advantage lies mainly in their huge taproot, capable of regenerating the rest of the plant should it go missing.
Chuck Norris vs Bill Nye
Bill is the more accomplished banjoist of the two. Otherwise, I don't exactly see how someone who seriously thinks global warming is seriously affected by anthropogenically-produced carbon dioxide can win against a man who does not sleep.
Longcat vs Widedog
Longcat is loooooooooooooooooooooooooong, as long as the universe itself. Widedog could travel for 100's of 1000s of lightyears and never find a vulnerable spot on Longcat.
LOLcat -vs- LOLrus...
ready?
FIGHT!!!
If you convert letters of their names into ASCII codes and sum them up then LOLrus > LOLcat.
VOC@LOID Hatsune Miku vs UTAU Kasane Teto
Hatsune Miku is printed on 10,000 as many pillows as UTAU Kasane Teto, therefore Hatsune Miku wins.
VW TDI sportwagon versus Toyota Prius
The Volkswagen because you get in cheaper if you're driving a VW
Air-cooled VW vs. water-cooled VW?
Air cooled VW because VW makes to much plastic junk that breaks eaily in their cooling systems.
Beijing versus Los Angeles
Beijing probably has even more smog than LA. LA attacks, then suffocates.
Steve Albini vs Mark E Smith
At first I was going to say that Mark E. Smith is older and therefore wiser, but personally I like how Steve Albini looks on the photo on wikipedia encyclopaedia.
So I declare Steve Albini to be WINNER !
Ibaraki vs. Saitama!
Dunkin Donuts has never given me a free donut when I walked in. Krispy Kreme has. Therefore, Krispy Kreme wins.
Magikarp vs Metapod
Magikarp! karp! karp!
Steam vs. Playonline
This fight basically comes down to who is more tenacious: PC gamers or Final Fantasy kids? I'm going with the FF kids, so Playonline wins.
Old Eddie Murphy movies vs. Relatively new episodes of Pokemon
( LΦ`) In the hands of a decent operator, abacus excels at the basic four functions, hands-down; it has everything to do with input speed, which the numeric pad is not so hot at. When it comes to more complex calculations, however, the calculator wins. It is a toss-up all depending on what calculations you need done, and where those calculations should be stored.
( LΦ`) Nothing beats the slide rule for mathematician/engineer/geek cred, though.
Clonepa vs Darkpa
As established in >>2, you can not fight only one Clonepa.
Ergo, the winner is Clonepa.
Marvel vs. Capcom
SNK.
Powerthirst vs. your mother
Whichever wins, it is then beaten by any number of software that will turn several images taken with your standard camera into one single panoramic image.
John Conner VS John McClane VS John Rambo VS John Matrix VS John Spartan VS John Constantine VS John Kimble
Assuming that all combatants are fighting at the same time, the eventual winner will have to possess strength, stamina, intelligence and previous battle experience. John looks to be the favourite on paper due to his obvious proficiency in firearms, but this is a trait shared also by John, John, John and John (this is of course assuming that there are weapons available at all). In unarmed combat, John would have the slight edge over the others thanks to his powerful build, but depending on the arena's environment the same build could put him at a disadvantage as far as maneuverability is concerned. John, John and to a certain extent John all possess what can only be referred to as 'plothax', therefore being able to survive what could very well defeat a lesser man, but it is important not to place too much significance on said ability. As far as stamina is concerned John probably has the edge, but I could easily see John, John, John and even John given him a good run for his money, so this is not enough to triumph in this battle. I suppose what this really comes down to, however, is the fighters ability to please the crowd; what's the use in winning a fight if the audience calls for your blood instead of your foes? Of course, John is the clear winner in the respect, even John would have to admit that his charisma far surpasses anyone else fighting here, and when coupled with his smarts, his combat strength and his pure resiliency it is clear who the survivor of this battle royale would be; John by a mile.
A Western comic book nerd VS a Japanese otaku
Vladimir Putin, being ex-KGB, can kill a man with a cold stare.
The fight begins with a bow and then ... Junichiro Koizumi does the only honorable thing and cuts his own belly open with a katana to avoid the shame of defeat.
Richard Nixon VS Lester B Pearson
There ain't a diplomat dead or alive who's ass Nixon can't kick.
Mazinger Z vs. The Iron Giant
t @l @@ @ @@j@a @@o @o@ @@@@@ @@ @@C@@ @@l @y@@@@ @ @@sg @h@f@@@@@@ @@@ @D
`@a@ur@ci r
The nigga cuz them thugs and shit so they can beat up them azn who watch cartoons all day.
Racism or xenophobia?
Xenophobia because it hurts those who immigrate illegally.
2girls1cup or swap.avi?
swap.avi because they'll last longer.
Phoenix Wright vs. Battler (Umineko no Naku Koro ni)
Phoenix Wright paralyzes the enemy in fear when he shouts OBJECTION!
Duct tape or electrical tape?
Duct tape. Come on, it's duct tape. It can do anything.
Carpeting or hard floors?
hard floors because when something gets spilled on carpet it is hard to remove.
Top Gun or After Burner
After Burner because Top Gun is gay.
TRIPLE THREAT
Cilla Black vs Sandie Shaw vs Lulu
Sandie Shaw because if the other two try to form an alliance, the name Sandie Shaw would take more time to discuss.
VW R32 or Subaru WRX?
As I could not find crash test ratings for either vehicle, I will have to give the victory in a head-on collision to the VW R32. Reason being it has only two doors and a higher curb weight. But I'm also biased against hood scoops. Safety of human drivers not guaranteed.
Gangster Planet VS Nazi Planet
Nazi Planet, the gangster planet would be too rife with infighting to be able to carry on a decent fight.
An ant that looks like a spider vs a spider that looks like an ant.
A spider that looks like an ant, because it can still shot webs at the imposter spider-ant.
The Mothership from the movie Independence Day or a Titan from Eve online.
The Titan is immune to all kinds of electronic warfare, while the mothership was taken down with a MacBook and a nuke. The Titan wins, easily.
Darth Vader vs. Brock Samson
At first, I gathered this a simple victory for Darth Vader. But then I considered the essential rule of 'Good Guys Win' and that Darth Vader is at heart a scared little child. But then it became clear that this Brock Samson is just a good guy, not the good guy, more of a sidekick. In the end Brock Samson, like Obi-Wan Kenobi before him, sacrifices himself as the means to completion of some other goal. Most likely to protect the good guy.
Dr. Phil VS Judge Judy
Dr. Phil, he'd put Judge Judy in a hole in his back yard with the other judges that tried to convict him.
Arizona VS. Arizona Iced Tea
Arizona because any iced tea will quickly evaporate in Arizona.
Bugs Bunny or The Angry Video Game Nerd?
Bugs Bunny creates a Lady Video Game Nerd out of TNT, a dress, and a blonde wig. The Angry Video Game Nerd, not being a cartoon, is washed off the floor, walls and ceiling with a hose. And most unfortunately he had no extra lives or continues left.
Charles Manson VS John Wayne Gacy
Gacy would be too busy raping little boys to notice that a member of Manson's "family", jacked up on LSD and thinking that Gacy is responsible for Manson's failure to break into the record industry before his conviction, is sneaking up behind him with a knife. Just as Gacy releases his load in little Johnny's anus, the drugged-up woman slits his throat. She then proceeds to kill Johnny in the same manner, and then dies after another hit.
TAG TEAM MATCH for EVIL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Morgoth and Sauron vs. champions Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine
Darth Vader and and Emperor Palpatine because more fanboys give them support.
Card Captor Sakura or Sailor Moon?
Card Captor Sakura can make herself massive and then just step on Sailor Moon. Or she could make herself tiny, enter Sailor Moon's nose, climb up to her brain and then use the fire card to burn it, before quickly making her escape. She may be a little girl, but she's fucking lethal.
DJ CLONEPA Vs SEASONABLE CLONEPA #85
SEASONABLE CLONEPA #85 DUE TO MANLINESS
Terry Bogard vs. Hotaru Futaba
We've been over this a gazillion times. THERE. IS. NO. CLEAR. WINNER.
http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1202850490 vs http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1227718476
>>82
http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1202850490 had 0.213 posts per day, but http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1227718476 had 0.2995, so http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1227718476 is clearly the winner.
Tohno Shiki vs. Ryougi Shiki
Due to continued lazy refusal to look up either name, Ryougi is victorious because the name has more aesthetic appeal in print.
Unstoppable Force VS Immovable Object
Unstoppable Force, because it just plain breaks the immovable object into bits that do move.
Aztecs vs. Ancient Egyptians
The ancient Egyptians were much better at drawing than the Aztecs were and they also made their home in the middle of a fucking desert as opposed to a teeming rain forest, so I say Egyptians
A bird watcher vs. an insect collector
Insect Collectors are highly muscular and much more agile than lame binocular wielders. One of them could would crush a bird watching sissy like a rare beetle.
Aaron Burr vs. Alexander Hamilton the rematch (Cage match)
Burr won by cheating the first time, however since then Hamilton has managed to turn his visage into a weapon. He's also learned to stop time. Think ZA WARUDO with $10 bills replacing Dio Brando's knives, and you know why Hamilton would be victorious this time.
Shigeru Miyamoto vs. ZUN
ZUN unleashes a bullet hell attack while Shigeru is still questing for the Master Sword with his three hearts life bar. The result is a misty pink death for Miyamoto and victory for ZUN.
Eric Foreman (That 70's Show) VS Eric Foreman (House M.D.)
Dr. Foreman because he is black and would obviously be a thug.
East Coast Rap vs. West Coast Rap
East Coast Rap because the smog on the west coast more quickly destroys the lungs of West Coast Rappers.
Will the fresh prince of bel-air vs. Zack Morris
It's no secret Will fled across the contenintal united states when he got in one little fight. The fact that his mom sent him to Bel-Air, and he did not even flee of his own accord, only reveals his nature as a sissy. Zack Morris wins by default as Will does not even show up for the fight. 'Very special episodes' of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Saved By The Bell follow.
Flaming Carrot vs. Earthworm Jim
Flaming Carrot, because even best friends fear him a little!
The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers vs. Mexico's military
The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, because the best weapons Mexico has are lowrider Chevy Impalas with hydraulics and shitloads of flashy colors. A giant mecha or 2 can crush them all.
Sailor Mercury versus Sailor Jupiter
Sailor Jupiter because she's hotter.
The KKK versus Jackson 5.
Jackson 5. Lord knows they all can take a beating, and Michael could probably take on the whole KKK single-handedly.
George Clinton vs. the entire Bootsy's Rubber Band.
Difficult one. Against anyone else, George Clinton would easily be able to overpower them with funk, and cause them to do the Cosmic Slop to the death. Saying this, he has far more up his sleeve than even the entirety of the Rubber Band have - after all, he has fought wars of Armageddon, he has stood on the verge of getting it on, he has tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe and he freed the minds and asses of countless mortals. The rest of the Rubber Band would fall to him within the first hour; only Bootsy would be left. The remaining battle would be a ridiculous synth-laden 10 year jam battle that would cause all life in the world to implode from sheer funkiness, all that would be left would be Clinton's glasses. However, then the soul of Eddie Hazel would lead the souls of everything that ever lived into the new universe, Ideon-style.
Daddy Cool vs Squeeks
While Squeeks was out backpacking the world Daddy Cool was building up his funds and amassing an army of loyal VIPPERS to do his bidding. Based on that I say Daddy Cool.
People who duble post vs. people who don't refresh the page before they post
People who double post, because they are willing to put up with abuse while people who don't refresh the page are just forgetful.
...
People who don't refresh the page before they post vs. people who forget to do the second part of a two-part thread until after clicking Reply?
People who double post, because they are willing to put up with abuse while people who don't posit a deathmatch scenerio are just forgetful.
Pitt the Elder VS Lord Palmerston
Pitt the elder would against Palmerston initially but Palmerston would then use his power of manipulation to get Pitt kicked out of power.
Olde Fortran vs. The Earl Of Doncaster
@©__©
(@ί mίj I'm not really into the whole violence thing.
(@@@j
The poster above gets punched in the mouth
Fruit flies vs. House flies
House flies, they're much bigger.
Bull semen vs. monkey dung
Assuming we are talking about the excretions alone here, and not dealing with the animals as well, I will have to give this one to the monkey dung. Shit has staying power. Who ever heard of fossilized semen?
Ralph Fiennes vs. Liam Neeson
The one who carries out and is w will be the deciding factor
lion vs. tiger
Lion and Tiger make sweet love, and produce a Liger, which is pretty much my favourite animal, all of the time. That said, as it is neseccary the lion be the male in this pairing, the lion wins, because man > woman, always, except in some species of insects and arachnids where the female consumes the male after mating.
Pazuzu Vs Baphomet
Baphomet, because who ever heard of Pazuzu?
Guybrush Threepwood vs April Ryan
Guybrush Threepwood wins because he can summon more British football fans to side with him.
LJN NES games versus Ocean NES Games
Ocean NES games, because it rolls off the tongue quite nicely, unlike LJN NES games.
Hakurei Reimu vs. Saya from Saya no Uta
Reimu because bloomers > all
Miles "Tails" Prower vs Shinji Icari
Shinji giant robots are more powerful than twin tails.
Brahman or Jesus
Definitely Brahman. Jesus got his backside handed to him by a bunch of Romans - humans for crying out loud, how embarrassing - and only revived because his dad intervened. Brahman is an inconceivable infinite something-or-other, so I'm sure he can use his powers to destroy Jesus somehow.
You vs. ten angry cats
The ten angry cats. I don't have my weapons-grade pumpkin at hand.
Espeon vs Tokiko
Tokiko is more annoying but Espeon's posts are more cringeworthy. Espeon probably wins based on tenacity, but ideally the two would somehow annihilate one another leaving them both dead or otherwise unable to post.
Anhedonia vs. suicidal ideation
Rude, >>117.
No, they aren't. No, I don't. No, we wouldn't. Keep lying to everybody, but don't lie to yourself. Tokiko and I chatted happily on the wider internet, and guess what? I'm posting with a tripcode right now invalidating your hateful, uneducated opinion.
Back to topic, anhedonia would probably win. According to Wikipedia social anhedonia remains stable throughout life, whilst a person with suicidal ideation might harm himself or get forced into treatment. Anhedonia is also listed as one of suicidal ideation symptoms, so it can be that bad.
>>117 VS. butter knife in his hand.
If they work together, I suspect that the cast of RAW could, between them, overpower the Voynich Hotel owner. Realistically, there's likely to be a fair amount of infighting on the RAW side, so if the owner plays his cards right he could come out victorious.
Darkpa vs. a dalek.
Of course its Darkpa. However if you had've said Dälek instead maybe it would be a different story, it's hard to imagine Darkpa up against Swollen Tongue Bums.
My left hand vs. my right hand.
>>122
87.5% right. Still a chance for the left to win though.
10 Donkey Kongs vs 700 Pomeranians
For the Donkeys to win, they would have to take on (on average) 70 pomeranians each. Despite being decent fighters, I doubt they could survive the onslaught of the smaller animals, purely due to quantity. However, were the pomerianans to attack individually, I could see the Donkey Kongs winning easily.
Kaz Hiarai VS Reggie Fils-Aime
Reggie is a hearty guy, so you'd expect him to win. However, Kaz is Asian which means he's an expert in Karate. Kaz with the upset.
Frog vs toad
At first I thought you meant Frog from Chrono Trigger and Toadstool, which would have been a no-brainer as Frog has the Masamune sword. Even if he didn't however, he could punch Toadstool and be done with it.
Between a frog and a toad however, it would seem a toad has the ability to swallow most things one would not expect it to. This probably includes frogs, so no matter what tactic the frog uses it would eventually be eaten alive.
Immanuel Kant vs a house cat
Kant has been dead for 200 years, so the house cat would win by default. Even if Kant was alive, though, he'd get so wound up imagining a world in which everyone attacked cats that he wouldn't be able to attack it himself. This is a clear victory for the house cat.
( ί ί) vs (EΝE)
(EΝE) distracts ( ί ί) with OPPAI and attacks.
(EΝE) Wins!
FC3S Turbo Mazda RX-7 or Mazda RX-8?
Mazda RX-8, because 8 > 7, and putting meaningless numbers/letters and the word "turbo" in front of the name is clearly nothing more than a marketing ploy.
Yukari Yakumo vs Loki
Loki because, honestly, there's nobody trickier. #1 tricks.
Funeral attendees vs Wedding attendees. Assume both have the same number of attendees.
My first instinct was that the funeral attendees would be too distraught and weepy - not to mention averse to further death - to put up a serious fight. But it really depends on context. Beyond a certain point in the wedding, the guests tend to become rather inebriated, which would severely limit their fighting capabilities, and the funeral attendees could under certain circumstances end up with the "nothing left to lose" mentality which would make them quite formidable opponents. I suppose my money's on the wedding attendees, but it may well be a close one.
The Great Sky Loli vs the entire population of Luxembourg
Luxembourg because they'd resurrect Brandenburg and get the the gang back together and get a big old Holy Roman Empire war going.
Spinached up Popeye vs Popeye with no spinach, but he has superman powers.
Despite Superman's poor performance in >>1-3, Superman powers would actually be very helpful in this fight. In particular, flying out of reach of spinached Popeye would give unspinached Popeye a huge advantage, probably enough to win.
Kasodani Kyouko vs Sakura Kyouko vs Toshinou Kyouko vs Irisu Kyouko
I'm just gonna say Toshinou Kyouko cause i like her the most, seriously she's the best. Not from Yuru Yuri though, thats Yui.
A japanese businessman vs. A downs syndrome man with no arms
The Japanese business man since he most likely has arms and normal brain functions.
Cumulonimbus vs cirrus
Cumulonimbus wins through vertical superiority.
The ghost of Biggie vs. The spirit of Tupac possessing two present-day rappers (who?)
Trick question; everyone knows rappers don't have souls. The winner is Clonepa.
Fourier transform vs Laplace transform
Fourier transforms can carry out w in only the most contrived of cases, whereas your average Laplace transform can not only carry out but actually be w. Also, "Laplace" rolls of the tongue much easier than "Fourier".
http://secretareaofvipquality.net/saovq/ vs http://sageru.org/index.html
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The Wizard of Yendor vs Erina from Rabi-Ribi (with backup from Ribbon)
I have no idea who they are, so the coin toss says the Wizard takes home the trophy.
Aaahnold vs. 30 5-year-olds hell-bent on murder.
the governator is old and bad, murderous children have the advantage, so them I guess.
Sunred vs. one-punch man
An easy win for Saitama. The fight is over before it's begun.
Hanako (from Katawa Shoujo) vs Hanako (from Anne Happy) vs Hanako (Princess Hitachi) vs Hanako (the lonely elephant, as she was before death)
I'd put my money on princess Hitachi as an elephant as old as Hanako would probably accept death, and the rest are 2D fucking drawings so just use an eraser.
Hitler or Mussolini, hand to hand.
>>145
Mussolini no contest.
Mike Myers vs Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey starts off strong by putting the Mask from the movie "The Mask" on, but Myers brings it right back at him by transforming into Shrek. Carry unloads a full tommy gun clip into Myers, but to no avail, because Shrek is just a CG animation. Carry then removes the mask and becomes ACE VENTURA and summons an army of assorted animals to attack Myers. Myers can no longer take it so he transforms into Austin Powers and bites off all of the monsters heads with his large teeth. As Ace, Carry is woeful at the loss of all of his animal friends. Carry gives up Mike Myers wins.
C9 Mango VS. Reynad
Reynad's forehead strikes terror into even the greatest of men. Mango is no match.
Queen Elizabeth II armed with a crossbow vs Emperor Akihito armed with a shortsword
Lizzy is a skilled sharpshooter and ten'nou heika is working on plans to abdicate due to poor health, plus the natural disadvantage of having a melee weapon against someone with a ranged weapon. Elizabeth II is the clear winner, I think.
10 clones of Hulk Hogan in his prime vs an enraged silverback gorilla.
This comes down to the Donkey Kongs vs Pomeranians issue seen in >>123,124; namely, does the silverback fight the Hulk Hogans one by one or all at once? One by one, I can see this being an easy win for the gorilla, but against all at once, even some basic coordination could result in one or two Hogans holding down each limb, safely incapacitating the gorilla.
A little girl dressed in boys' clothing vs a little boy dressed in girls' clothing
>>150
Boys are stronger than girls plus the added freedom of a dress will improve the boy's movement capabilities.
Fingers vs toes
>>151
It comes down to STR vs DEX: the toes are stronger, but the fingers more agile. I would expect fingers to win because they can cooperate better.
Unless Kirby can inhale him absolutely instantly and stay like that, Jotaro's Star Platinum will squish him like a bug.
You vs your sibling closest to you in age, both parties armed with daggers.
>>154
Definitely my lil bro; though I have more endurance, he's taller and stronger and would end me quickly.
Monsanto vs. Pfizer
Pfizer has a small army of synthetic chemists armed with nasty chemicals; Monsanto just has a bunch of harmless farmers and biologists. It'll be a protracted battle given how spread out Monsanto is, but ultimately my money's on Pfizer.
Captain America vs Captain Metaphysics
>>156
Both would win according to their own definition of winning.
An old man vs Death
The old man may win the battle, but Death will win the war.
One elephant-sized crocodile vs twenty pig-sized crocodiles, all at the same time.
It sounds like the size difference is pure scaling, so by the square cube law the elephant-sized crocodile will be at a significant disadvantage. I'm giving it to the pig-sized ones.
The cast of Azumanga Daioh (sans Sakaki and Kagura) vs the cast of Hidamari Sketch. Three days of prep time, supplies are whatever they could readily access and carry, but no foreknowledge of their opponents. The battlefield is about 4 square km of a deserted city (a la Escape From New York). Assume Osaka does not have access to true immortality.
When the two parties first catch sight of one another, having been expecting far worse enemies, they are so relieved that they all throw down their weapons and declare a truce. Together, they make introductions, chat, set up shelter and so on. After a few days, however, supplies begin running low, all avenues of escape have been exhausted, and it becomes obvious that whatever sick bastard forced them into this situation isn't letting anyone go until they've seen some carnage. Tensions rise. Arguments break out, factions form, lines are drawn in the sand. Shadows move in the darkness. The night air is rent by screams and incongruous giggling. When dawn breaks, the only survivor is Chiyo-chan gripping a bloodstained palette knife, hugging her knees and rocking back and forth, whispering under her breath "tsukurimashou, tsukurimashou..."
An adult tyrannosaurus rex vs a T-26 tank.
Tank cannon go boom. Lizard go splat.
Train vs airplane.
The airplane drops a bomb on the nearest railway station and that leaves the train stranded. The airplane wins.
Stephen King vs Steven Spielberg
Steven Spielberg, on virtue of both his ties to the Mossad and not being in a wheelchair.
Hakurei Reimu vs Batman
In an open arena, Reimu's levitation and indiscriminate curtain fire danmaku could easily overpower Batman. On the other hand, if it's in an enclosed space with cover available, and especially if Batman has the element of surprise, a single well-aimed batarang to the hitbox could probably bring down Reimu.
An applied mathematician vs a pure mathematician
An applied mathematician has the virtue of being able to apply his mathematics to whatever he may wish, and he is not confined to the blackboard. A pure mathematician is. Based on his expanded breadth of capabilities, the applied mathematician wins.
The community of DQN vs captcha
DQN becomes obsessed with making sentences using the captcha. Captcha uses this opportunity to deliver a powerful uppercut. Captcha wins.
The number 6 vs the number 7
6 is made to cease existing by the elitist superstructure and 7 wins by default.
An uncircumsized penis or the majestic 12.
The penis, being a non-sentient part of a greater being with no will of its own, is unlikely to be able to put up much of a fight. As the question does not specify any sort of accompaniment to the organ, meaning it is presumably just sitting there inanimate and defenceless, I'm going to have to give this one to the twelve.
Anna Karenina vs Nastasya Filipovna
Nastasya's Roghozin assists will be the thing to really tip the scale in her favor.
The New York No Wave scene vs the early Japanese noise scene
Both sides blast noise at one another until they go deaf. The result is a draw.
Tatsuhiro Satō vs Ōba Yōzō
After a fruitless and crazy argument about who has the greatest inner pain, they both agree to a suicide pact and prepare to jump off a cliff. However, memories of Misaki stop Tatsuhiro at the last moment while Oba jumps off.
AKB48 vs. Morning Musume (top 10 members from each group)
All else being equal, AKB48 has a larger pool from which to draw combatants, plus they already survived that one handsaw attack, so I'd go with them.
Youmu Konpaku vs Miyamoto Musashi
Given that Youmu can fly, can fire waves of danmaku from a distance, and has a sword that can cut through literally anything, I'm pretty certain she's going to win this one.
A lion vs a polar bear
Lions are just fancy cats. Polar bears, on the other hand, are fancy bears. Polar Bear wins.
45 Kangaroos vs. The Dark Magician
According to the first result on Google, the Dark Magician is a small rectangular card with text and illustrations on it, which rather limits its offensive or defensive capabilities. I'm going to have to give this one to the kangaroos.
You with your arms from the elbows down replaced with chainsaws vs a grizzly bear with both hind legs broken.
The chainsaws are heavy, and I have no way of starting them. I run away as the bear drags itself by the front legs and eventually collapses. I win on paper, but can never truly rejoin society because of the chainsaw arms.
SpongeBob SquarePants vs a sea cucumber.
SpongeBob has plot armor. He technically already defeated a sea cucumber indirectly in "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic"
An anime director vs a mangaka
Mangaka has superior wrist and finger strength, allowing them to snap the anime director's neck like a japanese twig.
Jerry Seinfeld with a rocket launcher vs an attack helicopter
The bus driver thinks he can easily take the taxi driver being in the bigger and stronger vehicle but taxi driver surprises him by taking out a gun from his sleeve and shoots him
Oda Nobunaga vs Justin Trudeau
Nobunaga is already dead, meaning he is the winner.
Captain Planet vs Ivan Ooze
Ivan Ooze wins because "Heart Power" doesn't work very well on anything.
K-selected people vs R-selected people
Hopefully, K-selected people.
Coffee vs a smoothie. The coffee is in a styrofoam cup.
coffee wins because of the heat
2ch vs 4-ch
It's like the Battle of Rorke's Drift, we barely manage to win.
Bricks vs. cement
Because cement is so formless, the bricks are unable to damage it. By the time it hardens the bricks have been absorbed.
Hiroyuki Nishimura vs Ben Garrison
Ben, because Hiro is genuinely retarded.
Man made of corn vs Man made of yams
The man made of corn, because while I don't know what yams are, I assume he has no teeth, therefore he's gonna look pretty funny trying to beat a man made of corn with no fuckin teeth!
St. Mary of Egypt or Yamada from B Gata H Kei?
If we're talking about pre-conversion, then Mary clearly has the stronger will and strength of character, and will certainly not be outdone by an amateur like Yamada. If you mean post-conversion, Mary will probably be weakened by her time in the desert, and will be unable to put up much of a fight.
You armed with a lightsaber vs every US president in order, unarmed, coming at you in waves of five at a time. You are allowed a break of five minutes after each wave. The presidents are allowed to plan and confer before attacking, and know what happened in previous matches, so they can learn from their predecessors' mistakes. Assume the battleground has no cover, no terrain that could be relevant tactically, and nothing that could be used as a makeshift weapon.
This is really a question of whether I'll accidentally cut my own limbs off. I'd bet on the presidents.
HAL 9000 vs these verification codes, but Bowman is pulling out logic boards at about the same time as depicted in the film, with roughly the same effect.
If HAL 9000 can lipread in real time, I'm sure it can read slightly distorted nonsense words almost instantly, faster than Bowman can pull out the boards (takes several minutes in the film). It might conceivably mistake a u for a w or vice versa, but on balance my money's definitely on HAL.
Stephen Hawking vs Davros
Powered wheelchairs are not yet allowed at the paralympics so probably Davros. But Hawking would get more support from the public.
Donald J. Trump vs Hillary R. Clinton
danald tromp
MAGA
I'd be inclined to say Donald purely on size difference but having seen his wrestling ability I think Hillary could get a quick 1-2-3 with little effort. Pre-match promos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbryz0mxuMY
Tim Mack, the 1-pin bowling star, vs Garry Kasparov, the chess master
The skills developed in bowling (strength, precision, hand-eye coordination) are highly applicable to physical confrontations, whereas chess generally favours careful thought and long term strategies. Above all, chess is tightly constrained to a set of rules in a way that fighting is not. On background alone, I think Tim has the upper hand.
( E-E) vs ( ά-ά)
( E-E) has eyes open, and is a clear favorite.
Red vs Blue
Red represents anger and violence, blue is calm and serene. Blue is clearly superior.
Ewoks vs. Gungans
Gungans are more advanced than Ewoks. I'd give it to the Gungans.
Keyboards VS Mouses?
Keyboards win by having more commands than computer mice. However, if someone had really good voice command software and a mouse with several buttons, the mouse might win. Some keyboards include a miniature pointer, mini trackball, or touch pad to get some of the pointing ability that computer mice have.
K-pop vs J-pop
Having heard of one band that converted from K to J, but none the other way around, I can only assume J-pop is superior.
Foot with 5 big toes vs. hand with 5 thumbs
Gnomes vs fairies
Gnomes are masters of combat using melee weapons. Fairies don't know much about combat. Gnomes win.
Battletoads vs Cheetahmen
Obviously Battletoads, amphibians have a higher rate of reproduction.
All Fiction vs Gold Experience Requiem
They both erase one another from reality. Clonepa wins.
Clifford the Big Red Dog vs the Jolly Green Giant
>>209
As best I can tell, taffy pullers seem to be exclusively made of metal, whereas mochi pounders seem to be exclusively made of wood, which immediately gives a large advantage to the taffy puller. On the other hand, the mochi pounder is itself essentially a bludgeoning weapon, whereas a taffy puller is just a metal box with small, slowly spinning appendages attached. When it comes down to it, I think a mochi pounder being used to pound a taffy puller could easily disable it entirely, but a taffy puller being used on a mochi pounder would have little to no effect. I'm going to give this one to the mochi pounder.
>>211
( LΦ`) vs (@MnLj
>>211
Given an open field of battle and without the element of surprise, I would imagine that Serval-chan's superior speed and agility would allow her to easily keep out of reach of the groping appendages, while periodically darting in to quickly injure or even sever one tentacle at a time, leaving the monster in question defenceless. Serval-chan has, after all, been shown to take down ceruleans several times her size.
>>213
Your neighbour(s) living to the left of you vs your neighbour(s) living to the right of you.
>>212
I have no doubt that the students living to the left of me would be defeated within seconds of a battle against the 30-odd members of the Romanian family to the right of me. Those guys need TWO minibuses to get around. They definitely have the overwhelming advantage in numbers.
>>214
VIPPER vs DQN
>>213
That is a tough call. On one hand, you have a guy who is soliciting payment (he won't get much, lol internet), and on the other hand, you have a guy who is enough of an idiot that the normal Japanese words for idiot don't suffice. I think DQN. His lack of a clear end game might be a disadvantage in most situations, but at least running off to mootxico is not in the playbook.
>>215
a sound, well-measured argument vs. some convenient bullshit
>>215 Sailor Moon Crystal hits a lot harder but Original Sailor Moon would only need to get one hit in and Crystal would shatter. If Original Sailor Moon fights smart I think she could take the win.
>>217 Who would win in an all out no holds barred bare knuckle fistfight between Ted Rea from Shattuck, Oklahoma and Satou Hideo, 41?
>>217
Firstly, it seems that Alice is just a normal girl with no particular physical or magical abilities, so it is unlikely she could win against the other three fighters. That leaves Alice, Alice and Alice. I will assume that Alice can re-enact while fighting the feats she performed will dreaming e.g. growing indefinitely tall which is surely the most useful in combat. However, she has no particular will to fight nor combat training.
What about the remaining two contestants? Alice is a magician, a very skilful puppeteer and also somewhat of an artificer. Alice is an idealized perfect doll who appears to combine the talents of all Rozen Maidens, including their combat abilities which are certainly impressive by doll or human standards. Note though that Alice is used to danmaku fighting, helping her dodge ranged attacks from Alice.
In the end, I think it depends on the amount of preparation you allow for the fight. The giant Alice could quite easily stomp out the others. Barring this, Alice would probably win thanks to the sheer number and strength of her dolls, even though her magical powers are probably weaker than Alice's.
So, I'm going to go with Alice winning here.
>>219
Highly-skilled C++ programmer vs highly-skilled Haskell programmer.
>>221
NEET would not be able to turn the salesperson down, and would end up in even more debt from purchasing a 3 years' worth of commercial PBX support for a 60-person business.
>>223
The foil-covered leftovers I know have been in the refrigerator for 6 months or the airtight leftovers that have been in the refrigerator since I moved in?
>>227
Oedipus was a pretty clever guy. Once you bring him up to speed with the concepts and he starts playing around with the item combos, I'd say it would take him only an afternoon or two before he gets one of those split-second screen-wiping kills.
>>229
The main four of Seinfeld against the Beatles. All are aged at the height of their popularity. One day of prep time plus knowledge of their opponents. Modern urban location.
>>228
Seinfeld cast, no contest. The Beatles are too peace-loving and head-in-the-clouds to come up with a viable strategy. Meanwhile, the Seinfeld cast use misdirection to lure the Beatles into various traps and explosives around the battlefield. Once most of the Beatles are down, Seinfeld cast just snipes them out one at a time from afar.
>>230
Girl's Generation vs. the 8 top members of AKB48. No weapons provided. Battle takes place in an empty field.
>>230
According to IMDb, Bruce Willis has appeared in 119 films, whereas The Rock has only appeared in 102 (admittedly this doesn't account for playing the same character in multiple films). Physically they seem pretty well matched, so I think the difference in numbers would be enough to swing it in Bruce's favour.
>>232
Me vs you.
>>231
I don't know anything about you except you post on DQN and know how to use IMDb, so it's hard to say. I've never been in a real fight so I'd probably lose if you have any experience at all. However I am fairly big, moderately fit, and can have some judo training which might give me an edge.
That said I don't really have any desire to fight you so I'd probably just end up conceding.
>>233
A platoon of ten Hello Kitties armed with AK-47s vs. a single US Navy Seal trained in gorilla warfare
>>232 The dumb navy seal went to the wrong class, he might have stood a chance had he went to guerrilla warfare training class but the skills he learned for fighting apes won't help him here. Hello Kitty is actually quite a vicious young girl, he doesn't stand a chance against 10.
>>234 Hulk Hogan vs the same US Navy Seal
>>234
At first, this looks like a clear win for Armok: pure desolation favors Armok, but leaves Nyarlathotep with no pawns and no enjoyment. On the other hand, Nyarlathotep can't really do anything to directly defeat Armok.
Upon reflection, however, I remembered Data's strategy of constant stalemate and frustration against Kolrami, the Zakdorn strategist. Nyarlathotep could postpone the inevitable until it gained more enjoyment out of the scenario than Armok ever could.
Of course, we all know they'd just become friends and team up.
>>236
Nethack's player @ (as the rider War) vs Morrowind's protagonist (alchemy and spellcrafting, but no console)
>>240
Bowser is a stage actor who depending on circumstance can even be swung out of an arena by a tiny man; I'm not saying he's a pushover, just that he's kind of a softie somewhere in there. Robotnik appears to be an actual dick in a strong majority of cases (sometimes just selfish), and is largely foiled by opponents who are kinda OP compared to his mechanical genius. So Bowser will probably lose unless he is allowed to use the "I have a friend" gambit.
>>242
Bozo the Clown vs. Bob from Tekken
>>243
Dora is a seasoned explorer, with experience surviving in the wild and handling dangerous animals, while Kim is a coddled old man who's clearly never seen action. There are also reports suggesting the Supreme Leader has various limiting health conditions, including diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. My money's definitely on Dora.
>>245
Elves vs. dwarves. Assume equal numbers on both sides, and the battleground is neither underground nor in a forest.
>>246 The Marx brothers would do a comedy skit about capitalism. The Karl Marx clones would laugh at the show. When one Marx brother would step off stage, he would plant an explosive cigar on a Karl Marx clone. The result would be a win for the Marx brothers.
>>246 Patchouli (Touhou) vs Sailor Mercury. Which 2d bookworm is better?
>>249
ASCII art characters can call for endless copy/pasted reinforcements, whereas renaissance paintings take days, at least, to produce more of. Also, ASCII art characters are frequently depicted with rocket launchers, tanks, comically oversized hammers, etc., whereas the most a renaissance painting will get is a guy on horseback with a sword or something. The renaissance paintings, outnumbered and outgunned, would fall quickly.
>>251
Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata vs Hiiragi Tsukasa & Hiiragi Kagami.
>>251
He-Man is an honourable gentleman, and would never attack an unarmed lady. Barbie may lack any corresponding compunction, but she also lacks any plausible way of defeating the most powerful man in the universe. The result would be a stalemate.
>>253
Daniel (Amnesia: The Dark Descent) vs Oswald Mandus (Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs) vs Simon Jarett (SOMA)
>>252
Daniel is a pansy who's afraid of the dark, so he's definitely losing this fight. Oswald is the only one of the three who actually kills one of his enemies -- although he does so indirectly, via electrocution. Simon does have (potentially) two copies, which would be a substantial advantage, however he's rather a pansy too, and almost completely helpless without Catherine. Furthermore, Oswald is shown to have a very good understanding of mechanics and electricity, so he can likely find a way to disable or kill Simon, provided there's stuff in the environment to work with. I think Mandus is most likely to come out on top.
>>254
All the colossi from Shadow of the Colossus vs all the divine beasts and guardians from Breath of the Wild.
>>253
While intimidating, all the colossi are defeated by a random teenage boy with an ordinary sword he's mediocre at using, while the divine beasts and guardians can only be defeated by a legendary Hero of Time likely equipped with potent weaponry (or possibly with a tree branch, but still a tree branch in the hands of a legendary hero.)
The clincher is that there are a mere 16 colossi, while there are 172 guardians of various types. Even though some (about 70) are immobile, I predict them murderizing the colossi quickly with sheer numbers, without the divine beasts even having to enter the fray.
>>255
Odin vs. oden.
>>255
Assuming D&D Logic, cubes are acidic. (they're basically a giant stomach made out of jam, so they have to be.) Therefore, even if the mimic was physically large enough to not be immediately engulfed by the cube, it's attempt to eat it would end extremely badly.
>>257
J.C. Denton vs. Desert Punk. Both have all their gadgets, augmentations and other assorted tricks, though it's strictly 1 vs. 1. To make the battle fair, it takes place in a forest during the day, and both competitors have to use civilian-grade weaponry generously donated by an American gun store.
>>256
Depends largely on Denton's build. If he puts his skill points in rifles and takes the ballistic protection, cloak, regeneration and vision enhancement augs, I'd put my money on him, especially if Desert Punk stubbornly insists on still using a Winchester 1897 like daddy while JC opts for more advanced weaponry (say, an AR-15 if it has to be from 2020, not 2052.) Notably, his augmented vision can likely neutralize a number of the Punk's favored tricks, like the balloons and smoke bombs.
If JC went for Computers, Swimming, Microfibral Muscle and Environmental Resistance, his difficulty hitting a human-sized target's center of mass with a pistol from 20 paces will pose little threat to Desert Punk.
>>258
Masaki Michishita vs. Takakazu Abe.
>>257
My first instinct was to just go with whoever's the top, but rereading the original work, it seems they both take turns. Nonetheless, Abe is clearly the more confident and experienced of the two, has a more physical profession, and appears to be more muscular, so I think he's the most likely to win by far.
>>259
You vs your own childhood trauma.
>>261
Assuming neither is allowed any weaponry, kicks have much stronger force than punches, so my money is on the guy with no arms. Leggy will also have the advantage in mobility. However, should leggy not immediately win the fight within the first few kicks, he could prove vulnerable to being grappled and even toppled by Mr. Arms. I'd still give it to Leggy, though, as in a fight, the initiator generally has the upper hand, and Leggy definitely would be the initiator.
>>263
A cyber-punk (A punk who dresses like he's from a mid-nineties interpretation of the near future) vs. a steam-punk (a punk who glued brass cogs to everything he owns.)
>>262
Assuming the only difference is how they dress (i.e. the cyberpunk doesn't get any cybernetic enhancements, the steampunk doesn't get any fancy wrist-mounted crossbows, etc.) cyberpunk clothing is typically much lighter and more mobile than the heavy, metallic steampunk clothing, so I'd be inclined to give it to the cyberpunk.
>>264
"Doc" Eriko Kamata (Texhnolyze) vs Dr Ritsuko Akagi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
>>276
If by Usagi Yojimbo you mean the protagonist of the series, Miyamoto Usagi, then I think it would be an easy win for Tsukino, given that she has magical powers and he doesn't, as far as I can tell. If you mean that she has to fight the entire Usagi Yojimbo franchise, I think it may be a stalemate, as I can't see any clear way either could harm the other.
>>278
You with a kitchen knife attached to your nose vs an adult emperor penguin with a kitchen knife attached to its beak. The fight takes place on land. Assume you cannot disarm the penguin. You cannot detach your own knife, but you are not obligated to use it, and can fight with hands and feet if you prefer. The penguin understands how to use its knife, and is trying to kill you, but otherwise is a mundane penguin without any special intelligence or training.
>>277
I'd win.
Given that the penguin is still a common and irrational creature, I'd run away until I reached a penguin of the opposite sex that aroused its instincts. As it gets distracted, I'd hug it from behind and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab.
>>278
An angered elderly mathematics professor vs. a hungry overweight lady on a mart cart, both fighting over a pack of sausages.
>>278
The maths professor is likely to be faster and more agile, so if he can just grab it and run, he'll easily be taking home his meaty prize. On the other hand, the overweight woman is likely to have greater strength, and has what is effectively a motorised battering ram to try to knock the gentleman off balance. Unless the mathematician can get the element of surprise, I'm inclined to say the woman will be the one dining well tonight.
>>280
Alpha Hatsuseno (Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou) vs Akari Mizunashi (Aria)
>>292
Presley spent two years serving in the US army, was apparently quite skilled in karate, and was not shy about using amphetamines to supplement his physical abilities. Jackson, meanwhile, as far as I can tell had no fighting experience of any sort, and was known to have quite a weak constitution. I reckon this would be an easy win for Elvis.
As an aside, while looking up stuff for this answer, I found out that Michael Jackson was briefly married to Elvis Presley's daughter, which I did not know.
>>294
EVA unit 01 vs the ender dragon from Minecraft. Assume the EVA is not connected to power and has only its internal battery. The fight takes place on the end island with all crystals active.
>>294
I googled and here were the top 3 results for each:
Confucius:
*Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you.
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.*
Buddha:
*Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.*
Confucius sounds like a real pussy, whereas Buddha sounds kinda like a bad-ass martial artist. Buddha quotes are the obvious winner.
>>296
Kirby from Smash 64 VS Bayonetta from Smash 4
>>295
Kirby would do that thing where he inhales his enemy and then spits them out under the stage so they can't get back up again. Bayonetta would fall, helpless, into the void.
>>297
Maiden in Black (Demon's Souls) vs Emerald Herald (Dark Souls II) vs Fire Keeper (Dark Souls III) vs the Doll (Bloodborne)
>>298
Clippy is (as far as I know?) the only one of these who actually harasses you unprompted, rather than just responding to user commands. This initiative will give him the upper hand, allowing him victory.
>>300
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (as they were at their height, assume their magic is actually functional) vs Golden Dawn (Greek neo-Nazi organisation)
>>299
Golden Dawn has actually murdered people, whereas the magic golden dawn doesnt look that dangerous and kinda geeky honestly, so the Nazis, easily.
>>301
Chris-Chan vs Jonty Bravery (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50692100)
>>300
Bravery has attempted murder and, based on actions and quotes, comes across as genuinely psychopathic. Chandler is clearly seriously mentally ill, but doesn't seem particularly cruel or violent. I would be inclined to give it to Bravery.
>>302
Antlion guard (Half Life 2) vs Vordt of the Boreal Valley (Dark Souls III)
>>301
The antlion guard has 500 HP, whereas Vordt of the Boreal Valley has 1328 HP (according to their respective wikis) and a significant size and mobility advantage... But Vordt also has silly segmented armor, and loses by virtue of inelegance!
>>303
Konpaku Youmu's ghost half (Touhou Project) vs. Cumsprite (Oglaf)
>>304
Girl with no squish. Look me in the eye and tell me you think a person who has an identity around posting "soft squish" on an obscure internet forum would not instantly faint if any real life girl looked at him for more than three seconds.
>>306
You vs your most recent ex, both armed with rapiers. Fight takes place on a cliff edge in the middle of a storm.
>>311
A crocodile would have a very easy time defeating the Croc brand sandal. However I've run this simulation 1000 times and in 3 of those the crocodile suffocated on the sandal and died leading to a no contest.
>313
Crunch vs crisp
>>314
Chickens can be pretty vicious, for sure, but their beaks and claws are too small to do any lethal damage to a human. The woman, meanwhile, could pretty easily grab the chicken by the neck and strangle it or smash its head against a rock, without it having much opportunity to fight back.
>>316
Ornstein vs Smough
>>314
Smough. He's only two letters away from though.
Thoughers always win
>>318
A lesbian (homosexual woman) vs a Lesbian (resident of the island of Lesbos)
>>318
Tigers are ambush predators specialised for taking down singular, large animals, so the tiger would be somewhat out of its comfort zone here. On the other hand, chihuahuas, while very vocal, are not remotely trained or bred for violence. I could well imagine the tiger running out of stamina, but I couldn't imagine the chihuahuas effectively capitalising on this weakness -- even against an incapacitated tiger, they would have difficulty landing any kind of killing blow. I would be inclined to give it to the tiger.
>>320
You armed with a glaive (or other polearm of your choice) vs an alligator.
>>321
Wojak has survived and morphed to this day, and has become very popular from its humble origins as a krautchan meme. Pepe has mostly faded and Apu and the one with no neck with the wine glass have become more popular than it. Wojak would outlast Pepe in a fight.
>>323
Albania vs North Macedonia vs Greece
>>308
Sailor Jupiter. Send a lightning bolt in the croc swamp and zap them to death.
>>324
They are both overwhelmingly more likely to accidentally injure themselves in some wacky slapstick fashion than they are to injure one another. I suspect the result would be a draw, or at best one might win by default if the other messes up badly enough.
>>327
Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Rei Ayanami (The Rei's Diner)
>>341
BANG
You stupid bitch. You stupid fucking bitch. I can't believe how dumb you are. Jesus Christ, I can't believe how fucking dumb you are. You're the dumbest motherfuck-
>>343
You on a hang glider armed with a machine gun vs a giant dragonfly approximately the size of a light aircraft. You automatically lose the fight if you land on the ground, but have enough height/thermals to stay airborne for at least ten minutes. Assume you are strapped to the hang glider such that you can use both hands for the machine gun (but cannot steer at the same time).
I'm with Allah cause he chose me, broke into the Vatican strangled the Pope with his rosary
Pope Francis would be raped and slaughtered easily
Robin Williams vs some spare rope
>>349 The wizard has a more eclectic selection of spells and is not bound to the same standard of morals as a cleric. While the cleric may sometimes have the power of a god on his side, it's not necessarily going to be a powerful god, and the pure Stirnerite egoism inherent to a high-level wizard is hard to overcome. I'm handing this one to the wizard.
>>351 Virtual Youtuber vs Physical Twitcher
>>350
Depends on who has the most vapid porn addict zombie followers on only fans. If shefs a woman with tits, Ifm handing it to the twitch streamer.
Lolis vs FBI
>>352
Lolifolder-beard's brain has been reduced to mush from endless masturbation but he has a strong left arm. Lolita-beard's brain is in a much better state thanks to his literary forays but he lacks physical strength. I'm going to give this to Lolita-beard because, as we all know, brains beat brawn.
>>354
( ί ί) vs (L<_M @)
>>353
One look in (L<_M @)'s eyes is enough to tell you he has lost every fight he's ever been in, and this will be no exception. Even with ( ί ί)'s punches being padded by the mittens she's wearing, she has the unquenchable motivation and perseverance to come out on top.
>>355
Diablo (Diablo) vs Satan (The Binding of Isaac) vs Cyberdemon (Doom)
>>364
Adolf's wife Eva heroically saves him from the pills by ingesting them herself, but Adolf's attempts to disarm the revolver by discharging all of its ammunition go tragically wrong as he accidentally misses the floor and hits his own temple instead.
>>366
Giant spider vs giant toad (assume they're both roughly the same size)
>>366
The six of us have collectively spent hundreds of posts discussing combat tactics, while they were sitting around picking their noses and masturbating. We'll absolutely demolish them, I'm certain.
>>368
Alpha (Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou) vs Kino (Kino no Tabi) vs Reki (Haibane Renmei) vs Haruko (FLCL), four way motorbike/moped-mounted jousting tournament.
>>370
I choose as my weapon a king penguin with a time bomb in its stomach, set to detonate 30 seconds after the beginning of the fight. I will throw the penguin at the orca and immediately swim away as fast as I can. As the orca is an animal, my hope is that it will not be able to resist the urge to snack on a food that it prefers to humans, which will then explode inside it and fatally wound it. If the penguin serves as an insufficiently time-consuming distraction, though, I acknowledge I may also die due to being caught in the explosion or simply killed by the orca within seconds.
I also considered a net launcher, but I don't think I would be able to kill even an immobilized orca with my bare hands, and if it became a match of attrition I would die of dehydration before the orca dies of starvation.
>>372
Reddit vs. its mods
>>371
Probably Reddit. Therefs only so much crying mods can do when sys.admin can just take away their privileges, especially when investors are involved. The Reddit strike will go down as the dumbest in history, where, despite not receiving compensation for their labor, striking mods havenft even asked for pay. And all for what? So they can use 3rd party apps that let them fap to NSFW content. The real Reddit died with Aaron. RIP.
>>374
You vs Mount Fuji. The great Fujisan is set to erupt! The incompetent Japanese diet have put their faith in you to stop this deadly from blasting away the countryside and dumping ash all over Tokyo. You are empowered to choose the following weapons in your struggle with this deadly volcano
>Iowa class battleship
>B83 thermonuclear gravity bomb
>Tactical Miniature Neko Lolis
>Kamikaze squadron
>A gigantic exploding boxing glove
You have 24 hours
>>374
Well it took 1 Austrian to take out 6 million Jews so I guess 100 ghostbusters would be more than enough.
Some additional context for >>373: https://4-ch.net/current/kareha.pl/1319744527/24-27
None of the offered weapons seem adequate unless the "Tactical Miniature Neko Lolis" are capable of powerful explosions and there are several hundred million of them. Even if they are, 24 hours probably isn't long enough to execute the plan.
>>376
Ever stomped on a bug? Imagine how easy it is with bigger feet, even when the bugs are men.
>>378
An Iowa class battleship vs. 200,000,000 Tactical Miniature Neko Lolis
>>378
Nothing can stop Odysseus' cunning, I'm afraid. He's a man with no land of his own and nowhere to go back to, needless to say you never fight a cornered cat.
>>380
You vs Joe Rogan in an intellectual debate. You can pick the debate topic excluding STEM subjects (please include), but in order to win you must annihilate Joe and make him rage quit. Due to a black out and the stream going down, Joe will not be able to call up his army of minions nor will he be able to physically attack you. A Netflix crew is standing by in case he wants to produce another comedy special to smite you.
>>379
I knew nothing about Joe Rogan until now, so I did a bit of research. I learned:
First I would keep the conversation friendly, and wait until he had a few beers. Then I would start bringing up the fact that marijuana is harmful, and it's such a shame that Joe Rogan likes weed because he could be so much better without it. I would start with "scientific evidence" slowly move into more combative and extreme statements like "only chumps consume marijuana."
When he brings in the Netflix crew, in a major twist I would reveal that I actually love weed and have brought enough to share with everyone. Then I would placate Joe and the crew with copious amounts of Mary J.
>>381
A battle royale with every version of Link from every Zelda game
>>380
For the sake of consistency, I'll assume that every Link has all of the abilities from their game, but otherwise they're equal in terms of number of hearts, stamina, healing items, etc. Many of the Links have some sort of quick travel ability to get around Hyrule. Since the location isn't specified, and might not be Hyrule, I'll ignore this in general. Also, as a disclaimer, I haven't personally played most of these games so there may well be some details I've missed. Now, considering their combat capabilities in chronological order, and not counting remakes or games in the Zelda universe that do not feature Link:
First things first, any Link that can travel back in time (Majora's Mask, Oracle of Ages), into an alternate universe (A Link to the Past) or become an invulnerable 2D object (A Link Between Worlds) will do so, and will wait there for the other Links to fight among themselves. I am assuming here that abilities that change the time of day (e.g. Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker) are just accelerating/deccelerating the local flow of time, not transporting Link himself relative to his surroundings.
The remaining Links who cannot escape will be decimated by Link (The Adventure of Link)'s AoE lightning attack which kills everything onscreen. Link (Breath of the Wild) might be able to use magnesis to discharge the lightning into something metallic nearby, but is unlikely to be able to follow up with anything devastating, given Link (The Adventure of Link)'s ability to reflect most attacks.
Link (Oracle of Ages) has no particularly useful abilities, and Link (A Link Between Worlds) will be easy to pick off as he emerges from the wall, so neither of them have any chance. On returning to the present, Link (Majora's Mask) can use his stone mask to be overlooked by Link (The Adventure of Link) to get the drop on him. Alternatively, Link (A Link to the Past) can use his temporary invulnerability/invisibility to avoid the lightning attack and hit him. Either way they will be the last two standing.
Link (Majora's Mask) could try the stone mask gambit again, or simply take a high powered mask and hope to overwhelm his opponent by force, but unfortunately he has no counter to Link (A Link to the Past)'s ability to simply jump out of the Dark World, use his quake medallion to kill everything on screen, then jump back to the Dark World to refill on magic, until he wins. Link (A Link to the Past) will be the ultimate victor here.
>>384
Yuri vs yaoi
>>383
Yuri is a delicate lily flower, while "yaoi" is sometimes written with the kanji ξΗ, literally meaning "arrow-chaser." While chasing arrows is not directly linked to combat prowess, this strongly implies the entity has enough martial aptitude to defeat an ordinary flower.
Yaoi is also the surname of Jun'ichi Yaoi, who is basically the Japanese version of the Ancient Aliens guy. He's 87 years old, but he can probably still stomp out a lily flower.
>>384
Given the high likelihood those posts were made by a single anon, it's perfectly possible that all 385 posters could pin him down and strangle him. Although, 385 people piling on one could create overcrowding and fights over who would be graced with the honor of snapping >>381-383-san's neck. In the commotion, he could escape, perhaps with the help of a body double, and go underground. Maybe he has some MS-13 friends to call for fire support, and our 385 man dokyun army, which is about as disciplined as a bunch of Liberian guerillas, would be mowed down in a hail of gunfire or hacked to death with machetes? Then again, our zeal for killing the most annoying poster in the thread could trigger a powerful otaku fighting spirit which is +35 to melee attack, somewhat evening out the odds.
>>386
A Twitter vs 4chan death match tournament, assuming both sites are at their historic peaks, that would be 2008 era 4chan and 2022 age Twitter. 8 Fighters from a famous Twitter community vs 8 anons from a legendry 4chan board, all weapons are allowed except guns, air support, artillery and explosives larger than a hand grenade. Feel free to structure the tournament as you like. However, the grand finale will be a naked, bare hands, brawl to the death between Jack Dorsey and Moot. Winner takes the BATTLE ROYALE trophy and gets to execute 1,000 users of the enemy site like a lustful daimyo.
>>385
Since you've already decided what the final will look like, I guess the rest of the tournament doesn't really matter. I imagine Moot would fight dirty, but Dorsey is clearly the physically stronger of the two and would probably end him quickly. Regardless of who comes out on top in the fight, however, ultimately everyone wins from 1000 4chan or Twitter users being removed from society.
>>387
Woolly mammoth vs African elephant.
>>386
Depends on the fight location. If it's in Africa, the woolly mammoth would overheat and die. But given that mamoth-san is still frozen in Siberian ice and is therefore a no show, I'm gonna give this one to the African elephant on a technicality.
>>388
Mark Zuckerberg vs Richard Stallman in a televised debate.
>>387
Stallman doesn't exactly ooze charm, but Zuckerberg has negative charisma and is actively hated and distrusted by the majority of people. So long as he doesn't say anything catastrophically alienating (not impossible), Stallman will be the one winning the audience's hearts and minds.
>>388
We all know how a Battle Royale typically ends. Everybody kills each other off until one is left standing and, overwhelmed by depression, they commit seppuku. Ifd say itfs a no contest. Or the lone survivor who becomes an hero technically wins since he killed himself.
>>390
19 Arabs vs the World Trade Center.
Mr. Blobby forces Noo-Noo to the floor and begins searching for an opening, trying with rock hard determination to penetrate Noo-Noo. Unable to find a hole, Mr. Blobby strangles Noo-Noo half to death then returns with a hacksaw and slowly decapitates the Noo-Noo. With the head sawn off, Mr. Blobby begins thrusting inside the tracheae. When the FBI kick down the door and begin pumping Mr. Blobby full of lead. Since Noo-Noo is a US citizen by birth, this would make the contest a draw.
>>395
This is a fight thread not a porno thread. But in a fight I guess it would be the butch lesbian since they are aggressive while twinks are passive sodomites who want to be penetrated. The twink would assume the lesbian is a a male sodomizer homosexual and just bend over. Then shefd go up behind him and snap his neck, ridding humanity of this foul demon.
>>397
The Pope and his Vatican vs 4chanfs lost /lolikon/ board
>>396
It would be nice if we got a >>389-like situation where all the paedophiles kill one another/themselves and nobody is left alive at the end. Unfortunately I think the Pope and his cardinals' old age will limit their combat capabilities and they probably won't put up much of a fight.
>>398
Aragorn vs Legolas vs Gimli, all fighting over the One Ring.
Me vs My mirror self
>>400
Making a post that ignores the thread structure to me suggests a lack of self-reflection. This will allow your mirror self the element of surprise, defeating you.
>>401
According to Wikipedia, sucralose is around 320-1000 times sweeter than sucrose, compared to aspartame's mere 200 times. It also has a longer and more impressive IUPAC name which, going by wizard rules, indicates that it's more powerful.
>>403
Given that web archivists have probably already downloaded the entire Internet Archive a million times over by now, Ifd call a Pyrrhic victory for Hachette. They might win the case, shut IA down, and have Brewster thrown in gitmo, but it wonft stop us all from pirating their books.
>>404
James Sutherland vs Ikari Shinji in a depression contest. Who will be the first to die of starvation and neglect or an hero? Any third parties are not allowed, but delusions and hallucinations of loved ones and traumatic flashbacks are permitted. If any of them decide to become an hero please include suicide method.
James is kinda fucked so Ifm gonna give the win to Shinji. At least that whiny SOB has people who care about him unlike that loner autist James.
>>406
Godzilla vs the entire US military
>>405
The US would declare a War on Kaijuu and pour several hundred billion dollars of taxpayer money into the pockets of military profiteers so they can use it as an excuse to murder impoverished brown children on the other side of the world. Meanwhile, Godzilla would rampage unchecked across the US (the rich would, of course, evacuate to their bunkers so it's only inconsequential poor people whose lives are ruined). Ten years later, the president declares a triumphant end to the War on Kaijuu as they finally achieved their goal of killing Mothra.
>>407
Martin Luther vs Martin Luther King Jr.
>>406
Initially, the two would peacefully engage in lively theological discussion, MLK Jr. thrilled to meet his namesake and hero and Martin Luther intrigued by this strange Moor and his Christlike message of nonviolence. That lasts until the topic of Israel arises and MLK Jr. espouses the fine character of the Jewish race and the virtues of Zionism. Seeing red, Luther attacks the servant of Satan before him and attempts to throttle him, but MLK fights him off easily due to Luther's notoriously poor health throughout his life.
Collapsing to his knees, Luther starts ranting about Jews and their endless perfidy in-between wheezes. MLK Jr. realizes that Luther, if allowed to live, may well inspire another Holocaust among his latter-day followers. With great reluctance, he ends Luther's life as painlessly as possible using the only weapon at hand: a hammer.
>>408
John Wayne vs John Wayne Gacy
Like many young boys looking for employment, Gacy lures John into his home and attempts to ply him with alcohol. In his usual fashion, Gacy introduces the idea of sex to John. However John Wayne, already a pure red blooded American, is incensed at the thought of fallatio with a fat homosexual. gYour not a real man. Your a disappointment to your father.h Those words stop Gacy, he hangs is head in shame. Suddenly, all the sadness and hatred in him surges to the surface and he lunges at the boy. Gacy misses, hefs forgotten that John Wayne is immune to projectiles which always seem to fly around him. Having landed on a vase, Gacy is now mortally wounded and easily subdued by John Wayne.
At first, John thinks the best he can do is end Garyfs miserable life as painlessly as possible with whatever he has available: a large dildo. But realizes Gacyfs skills as a killer could be a useful. He elects to keep Gacy in his basement and feed the killer clown blacks, homosexuals, Indians, and other undesirables hefs picked up off the streets to purify white America of the unwanted.
>>409
George Bush vs a Kangaroo with an AK-47
>>408
I think George Bush would win because a kangaroo would probably or possible shoot himself with the AK because he doesn't know how to use it or maybe jump with it and hurt himself with the bayonet and really just be oblivious to the workings of the gun while George Bush would freak out abotu the kangaroo and be scared and yell and run away then probably use his cell phone to call animal control or something or even Dick Cheney with a shotgun to come take care of it if the kangaroo doesn't kill himself
>>410
Switzerland vs Sweden
>>412
I donft see any way for this fight to pan out unless the either country can uproot themselves and collide into the otherfs land mass or if that earthquake weapon theyfve been talking about on 2chan recently could cause them to collide by shifting tectonic plates. Assuming they can even hit each other, it boils down to intelligent Nords vs moronic Turks in denial, in which case the Finns would have the advantage. Having given up the ways of the steppe centuries ago, the Hungarians lack warrior spirit and would probably freeze to death anyway.
>>414
2channel in 2004 vs Facebook in 2005
>>413
I don't have any numbers for their relative populations at the time, but I feel like 2channel had a tighter knit and more dedicated community, which will hopefully translate into greater military morale. The absence of any language barrier will probably work in their favour too.
>>415
Utena Tenjou vs a marilith.
>>414
I don't see how Utena Tenjou is going to win this given her latent homosexuality and the fact she can only wield one bladed weapon at a time. The Marilith would simply cast a charm spell to seduce the feeble school girl before dispatching her with cutting blow to the neck.
>>416
Wonder Woman vs the Rapeman
>>419
The pothead would be too zonked to actually fight and instead takes young adolf under his wings, hitler grows up to be a stoner and thus gets accepted into art school and lives out the rest of his life pretty normally; however, in hitler's absence himmler becomes the dictator of germany, leading to the takeover of france and its conversion to the SS state of burgundy, the first and only nuclear superpower that threatens the peace of the entire world, this snowballs into a series of events that leads to the collapse of democracy in america, half the world turning communist, hyper-genocide in russia and ultra-balkanization into uninhabitable shithole anarchy states and eventually nuclear apocalypse, in this world, nobody wins.
>>421
a guy hopped up on benadryl vs a guy hopped up on adderall
>>420
The guy hopped up adderall studies quantum physics and electrical engineering in under 5 hours and builds a 15kt thermonuclear bomb. He leaves it outside the Benadryl guyfs house before evacuating the area. Unable to resist the big shiny red button, Benadryl man detonates the device. He would win the contest having technically killed himself. However, the blast triggers a global nuclear war which kills adderall man. Thus the result is a draw.
>>422
Harley Quinn vs teh Rapeman
>>421
Listen, I get where you're going here, but Harley Quinn has superhuman strength and agility and a lot of combat experience, while the Rapeman continues to be just some guy who's used to preying on random defenceless young women. You also shouldn't underestimate how much barely contained rage most women have towards sexually violent men. Most women I know have at some point expressed a sincere desire to murder a rapist (not even their rapist, just a rapist) and I personally know of one who (unsuccessfully, sadly) tried to poison her rapist, and another who permanently disfigured and blinded a rapist with acid (again, not even her rapist, just a rapist).
>>423
100 Roman legionaries vs a T-rex.
>>422
Ifm not sure about this one. Itfs very probable the T-Rex would flee if the Romans mounted any serious attack on it. On the other hand, the Romans might see it as some kind of god and begin offering up sacrifices to the thing. But assuming the Romans do attack it, theyfd probably chase it away.
>>424
An Ottoman janissary vs a Jedi (no force or special abilities allowed)
>>423
Depends very heavily on what counts as "special abilities". Is a lightsabre itself a special ability? Are the backflips Yoda does a special ability? Is their unlikely ability to dodge Stormtrooper bullets a special ability? Assuming the answers to the above are all yes, Janissaries tended to make heavy use of firearms whereas Jedis are more melee focused, which would probably be enough to let the Janissary win. More lenient rulings on the Jedi could easily hand him the victory.
>>425
Your dad vs a mountain lion. He has to actually kill it with his bare hands to win, not just scare it away.
>>428
Due to his jovial nature and grossly overweight figure, Siegmeyer is at a clear disadvantage. The lesser demon is aggressive but not especially poisonous. It being a non-character puts it at an inherent disadvantage, it has no personality, cannot think, no guile. Ifm sure Siegmeyer would come out on top.
>>430
Gekko Kamen/Allah no Shinsha vs the US government
>>428
First, I had no idea who Gekko Kamen and Allah no Shinsha were so I had to do research first. Their two different heroes. Gekko Kamen might be able to hide from Uncle Sam, but hefd get drone whacked eventually. He didnft have a bike in the original series so he wouldnft get far. Allah no Shinsha is equally susceptible to CIA drone strike, but he is the messenger of Allah. Taking him out would incite the wrath of Allah and destroying the US with a disaster of Biblical proportions.
>>431
Da Jews (a fictional all powerful force that manipulate world events and control literally everything) vs NERV
>>429 Antisemitism aside, isn't "a fictional all powerful force that manipulate world events and control literally everything" literally just what SEELE is in NGE? They're in charge of the UN and are using NERV for their own mysterious plans. So "Da Jews" totally have NERV beat in this fight.
>>431 Say Gex vs Gay Sex
>>431
While Gex is an unusually skilled gecko capable of adroitly navigating the Media Dimension and defeating his arch-enemy Rez, I am unsure how the act of saying his name possesses any offensive value whatsoever.
Gay sex is hardly more inherently suited for combat, but if the participants are massive bears, they could conceivably crush the person saying "Gex" in their throes of pleasure.
>>433
A chocobo vs. a moogle
>>432
Since zombies are pretty susceptible to fire, the Necromancer will use the underhanded tactic of bringing the Pyromancerfs dead wife back to face him. Overwhelmed by emotion, the Pyromancer will let his guard down and Necro will stab him in the neck with a pen.
>>434
Cute girl vs the entire incels subreddit
>>434
Do you have any idea how over the top 40k is? The Eldar can summon a physical manifestation of their war god, see thousands of years into the future, have technology so insane the "advanced" Protoss would think it's magic and, despite being a dying race, still massively outnumber the Protoss simply due to the scale of 40k.
This isn't even a fight, it's fly swatting.
>>436
A Titanfall pilot (along with his titan) vs the Team Fortress 2 crew
>>435
The TF2 team have a huge advantage in numbers, versatility, and tactics available to them. None of the titans really have anything up their sleeve that's devastating enough to wipe out the whole team before getting pincered, ambushed, or overwhelmed by numbers.
>>437
Generic mid-level D&D adventuring party (fighter, rogue, cleric, magic user) vs a xenomorph.
>>438
By kea I suppose you mean Manu Kea. Given that this volcano has been dormant for most of human history I doubt it would pose a threat to Russell Crow. Although therefs no way Crow could actually destroy it. This would be a long drawn out contest to see who dies first and Ifm afraid Russel Crow canft out live a mountain.
>>440
Hunter Biden vs a CIA agent armed with a plastic bag sent to silence him
>>439
By the power of crack cocaine, he is gonna banepost in real life and reveal that the he was, in fact, the Big Guy (for you) all along. The spook ends up garroted, not by his flimsy petrochemical weapon of choice, but by Hunter's massive loli-raeping wiener.
>>441
The laziest person you ever met vs. the fattest person you ever met
>>442
The banshee can scream all she likes. I doubt she has the ability to locate a poltergeist. Banshees herald the death of a family member so her only hope is the poltergeist is close with the relative in question and will become suicidally depressed and off himself by drinking holy water or something. A poltergeist can levitate fucking objects like Darth Vader and Steven Spielberg made a film about them. All bansees do is cry. So their like a regular woman.
>>444
Reality vs George Dubya
>>444
The wolf would probably eat the wicked sisters and the witch but when he goes for the snow queen he collapses of gastrointestinal perforation. The snow queen proceeds to shove the remaining pieces of meat down the wolffs throat until he implodes.
>>446
Ted Bundy vs Elliot Rodger in a competition of who can kill the most sorority girls in 30 minutes.
>>445
Ted Bundy was noteworthy for his cunning; he committed his murders over a vast geographic area and using difficult-to-trace methods specifically to prevent law enforcement from tracking him down. However, this will in fact work against him here, in particular his distaste for firearms and apparently even blades.
Powered by sheer incel rage, Elliot Rodger will brazenly stab and gun down dozens of college babes and hapless bystanders while Ted wastes minutes carefully stalking and strangling each girl out of sight of witnesses, then hiding the evidence.
Things may go differently if the referee convinces Ted he will never face consequences for his murders, which may inspire him to finally exercise his 2nd Amendment rights, but even so I think Elliot's experience on the shooting range (and with stabbing three random dudes to death before he started his incel rampage) will give him the edge.
>>447
British football hooligans vs. Canadian hockey rioters
>>446
Canadian hocky fans know how to use sticks and padding. This gives them a +50 armor and greater range. Canadians are observably more intelligent than Britishers, who are also known to be so drunk they can barely walk. The Canadians> would smash their skulls with those sticks and use their bladed shoes to slit throats. It's a no contest.
>>448
Chinese Maoist red guards vs anime student council
>>447
Given their track record I'm going to have to pick the red guards here. They know how to bayonette charge with sticks and they hate all things Japanese.
>>449
Ronald McDonald vs Joe Biden vs Happosai vs the Rapeman in a contest to see how many innocent girls they can molest on the NYC subway system in a 48 hour crime spree.
>>449
All Basques do is sit around all day and smoke cigarettes. That's not enough to stop a league of battle hardened Indo-Europeans with their subject object verb syntax and minimal inflection, all of which allow for rapid communication. Basques are no match with their cumbersome ergative case. But wait! A group of marauding semites from North Africa have entered the fray. Neither Basque nor Indo-European can match the high precision and portability of Andalusian Arabic. While the Basques are mesmerized, the Indo-Europeans are too busy re-issuing orders and staring at each other in abject confusion. As their troops spend precious minutes trying to parse sentences and figure out what their orders mean, they are cut down by semetic steel. The Basques mostly surrender but not without some resistance. Their terrorist campaign fails to leave any impression on the Arabs who are far more skilled at bombings. The WTC is detonated to remind the Basques of their new masters.
>>451
Zombie vs stoner
>>450
A zombie's primary mode of attack is the slowly shuffling undead swarm, which is rendered less than inevitable by his not having appeared in a swarm. This makes him singularly vulnerable to that of the rankest amateur of all lapidators, i.e. those who've participated in at least one Arabian death sentence. The outcome is that the zed cops a big rock to his rotten soft domepiece and expires from splattered brain, leaving the stoner to spark up a fat doob in victory.
>>452
Shakespeare vs. a shaking spearman
>>451
Shakespeare was an actor as well as a playwright, and judging by the violent content of a lot of his plays, there's a good chance he had at least some experience fighting (even if it was only staged). Unfortunately, he's at a distinct disadvantage here, being unarmed and unarmoured up against someone with a weapon. Realistically, the bard is only going to win if he can disarm the spearman. I see two ways forward for him: first, a quick lunge forward past the range of the tip of the spear, then wrestling it from his opponent's hands, or second, staying well out of reach and counting on the spearman throwing his weapon like a javelin and missing. Both are very risky. It's possible the spearman's tremor may make his grip and aim slightly worse, but I'd say the odds are still 70/30 in his favour.
>>453
Wikipe-tan vs ME-tan.
>>452
ME-tan attempts to sit on Wikipe-tan to crush her with the bloat that was her birthright. Unfortunately the passing years have made ME-tan's 2000-era 64 megabyte minimum requirement positively miniscule compared to the heinous bulk of JavaScript with which Wikipe-tan is belarded, so it's like a gnat trying to choke out an elephant. Eventually Wikipe-tan reverses the position and ME-tan bluescreens before tapping out.
>>454
Dickgirl vs. pussyboy
>>457
Due to (@₯ิΦ₯ิ)'s public exhibitionism, (L<_M @) is convinced (@₯ิΦ₯ิ) is really a VIPPER in disguise. His suspicions turn out to be correct.
Taking the initiative, (@₯ิΦ₯ิ) summons the spirit of DADDY COOL. However, due to being incorporeal and physically weak, he doesn't help very much.
>>459
Stephen Wolfram vs. Gerald Sussman
>>459
Darkness hides in the corner and casts shadows where light cannot reach, remaining undefeated in the indefinite term. Light finally succumbs to the cold dark end of all things where all stars have gone out and even the most distant cosmic light has attenuated to naught, but it'll take her billions upon billions of years.
>>461
Salt vs. vinegar
>>461
Sauron was vanquished when his favorite piece of bling fell into a volcano, whereas Cthulhu is often stated to be unkillable and there is no reason to doubt this. The best Sauron can hope for is a stalemate, probably because Cthulhu can't even be bothered to wake up to react to his puny attacks.
>>463
Faggot (bundle of sticks) vs faggot (meatball)
>>468
Judging by the streams, mists, and lush vegetation, it sounds like Ember's going to have a tough time getting a good forest fire going. I reckon Seraph's going to extinguish him and his army without much trouble.
>>470
You vs a survival horror game-style physical incarnation of your greatest fear. You are permitted any generic survival horror protagonist weapons of your choice (steel pipe, pistol, shotgun, etc.)
>>469
My greatest fear as an aging autist and wizard is sex with a woman. Since a twisted incarnation of a naked human female shouldnft be that hard to kill, Ifd win pretty easily. I guess Ifd pick the most proportionate weapon: the rock drill from Silent Hill. We all know how those disturbingly erotic nurses can be bullet sponges on the highest difficulty level, but they are easily turned to mince meat by the rock drill. Since the quickest way to kill someone is the most humane, the rock drill is the most merciful way to dispatch the succubus.
>>471
Tsunami vs a sea of lava erupting from a mega volcano
Dio Brando might be formidable and named after GOD a but even he has to sleep. Homura Akemi has the opportunity to kill him in a nightmare, which movies have taught me lead to death irl.
>>473
A hipster vegan California valley girl vs the gluten demon
>>473
According to https://pvpoke.com/battle/1500/ho_oh/moltres/11/17-1-2/1-5-1/,
>Ho-Oh loses in 42.5s with a battle rating of 196
>6 turns of difference can flip this scenario. It is somewhat vulnerable to energy, IV, or lag factors.
>>475
Guy who can only speak in timecube.com quotes vs guy who can only speak in gay porn quotes. Public debate about the morality of pissing in public swimming pools.
>>474
Gay porn quotes guy wins by virtue of being the only one who can stay on topic. "Our daddy taught us not to be ashamed" might not be a particularly compelling argument, but it's better than incoherent and vaguely derisive rambling about God and geometry.
>>476
Meat Boy (Super Meat Boy) vs Isaac (The Binding of Isaac).
>>479
It doesn't count as winning if your opponent is too depressed to get out of bed and show up at the fight location. Given his obesity, I doubt Strong Sad could stomach Salad Fingers anyway. He gives up without even touching his plate.
>>481
Kitchen staff of The Rei's Diner vs McDonalds kitchen staff
>>483
Sisyphus is likely swole as shit from pushing a boulder for all eternity, while Prometheus is chained to a rock and gets bullied by an eagle. I think Sisyphus wins this round.
Noa Izumi and Alphonse (Patlabor) vs. Leona Ozaki and Bonaparte (Dominion Tank Police)
>>491
Given enough time, the serene waves will erode the mountain into a cliff face. But to everybody's surprise the mountain turns out to be an active volcano capable of rebuilding itself with lava and tephra. Its a race to see which dies first. Will the lake waters dry up before the mountain goes extinct? Will the volcano go dormant and be slowly whittled away by the water? Since no one can possibly confirm the outcome of what would be the longest battle ever, the officials are calling it a stalemate.
>>493
Space Battleship Yamato vs the Death Star
>>493
In terms of raw physical attributes, Solid Snake has the edge. Despite being in his late 40s or early 50s in recent games, he maintains an athletic physique and impressive physical conditioning from years of special forces training. Sam Fisher is also in excellent shape for his age, which is late 40s-early 50s as well, but Snake canonically possesses greater strength, stamina, and hand-to-hand combat prowess. Both are exceptional marksmen with a wide variety of firearms, but Snake has engaged in direct firefights more often throughout his career.
However, Sam Fisher's forte is stealth and subterfuge. He is a master of infiltration, covert movement, and gathering intel without being detected. Thanks to his background in Third Echelon's research and development of new stealth technologies, Fisher has access to spy gear beyond what is ordinarily available like vision augmentation, non-lethal weaponry, and sophisticated communications equipment. He is incredibly difficult to detect and can neutralize threats silently from the shadows.
Solid Snake relies more on guerrilla tactics, close quarters combat training, and improvisation when stealth fails. While still highly skilled in stealth operations, direct combat is more in his wheelhouse compared to Fisher. His missions have also frequently placed him in open battle scenarios where all-out fights were inevitable. However, Snake makes up for any technological disadvantages with intense willpower, vast experience, and a tendency to turn any environment or object into a makeshift weapon.
As for skillsets, Fisher has a wide array of stealth skills like disguising, lockpicking, climbing, hacking, and linguistic abilities that allow him to seamlessly blend in anywhere. Solid Snake is savvy but less refined in impersonation and technical skills. However, he has demonstrated expertise in first aid, survival training, tracking, and is peerless at interrogating enemies for crucial intel.
Overall, if this was a direct confrontation with no preparation or intel gathering beforehand, I'd give the edge to Solid Snake. His all-around soldier abilities, years of facing impossible odds, and tendency to improvise brilliant plans on the fly would serve him well against Fisher's stealth-oriented tactics. However, if Fisher was given time to plan an ambush using the full arsenal of his spy technologies and infiltration talents, he could certainly find a way to defeat even the legendary Solid Snake while avoiding detection. It would be an epic clash between two legendary soldiers of espionage, but Snake's experience with reactive, fluid combat scenarios makes him a bit tougher in a straight fight. There's also the fact that much more crazy shit happens in Metal Gear and Solid Snake has defeated adversaries with semi-supernatural abilities.
>>495
The old coots who comment on The Register vs. The crazy people posting on the Phoronix forums
>>496
Gotta go with Godzilla. Assuming no crazy hijinks from the EVA suit like doing that apotheosis shit that shifts reality. Assuming it's just a semi-conscious mecha vs kaiju I would say that it'd end up with Shinji and Godzilla teaming up to beat Destoroyah. EVA suits themselves can get blown up and die, and since big G can take out shit like mechagodzilla it doesn't seem the primary threat.
So Godzilla vs Destoroyah will probably end with godzilla just barely winning with help.
>>498
The God Emperor from 40k vs The God Emperor from Dune.
>>503
Highly dependent on the circumstances. If I can arm myself and confront the sluggish dragon as it digests a fresh kill, I think I've got a decent chance. If we're both dropped into a sand pit in prime condition to wrestle it out bare-handed (or bare-clawed in the dragon's case), I'm getting gruesomely torn to chunks.
In the absence of any information about the match, I will not wager money on my own survival.
>>504
Friend (20th Century Boys) vs every Kemono Friend (Kemono Friends)
>>504 The Instagram model can summon thousands of South Asian men to defend her, while the Tiktok influencer can summon an army of millions of children. Based upon grip strength studies, the Instagram model's army is unfortunately not likely very strong, and the Tiktok influencer's army could overpower them by numbers. The Youtuber has a strong counter to the child army with his special skill: ua sv, which can instandly groom any opponent under age 18, turning them into thralls, with a number of uses and frequency of use determined by his subscriber count. This is, potentially countered by the Wikipedia editor's contacts in the US State Department, though he more typically is bound by their commands than able to summon them, and if the Youtuber happens to be supplying the Global Elites with members of the child army he's used his skill on, then he'll have protection that the Wikipedia editor just can't break through. Overall, I think it's a tossup between the Youtuber and the Tiktok influencer, primarily determined by whether the Algorithm chooses to screw either of them over.
>>506 A team of transgender programmers leading an army of Twitch politics/debate streamer viewers versus a small, elite cadre of gay nazi bodybuilder Twitter users leading an army of angry and confused Qanon-obsessed boomers.
>>505
The transgender programmers, some of which have expanded past self-administering hormones into bulking up with steroids, are a shockingly even match for the gay nazi bodybuilders, several of whom turn out to actually be obese basement-dwelling grifters from Malaysia merely pretending to be gay nazi bodybuilders.
Their ultimate victory is secured by the Twitch streamer viewers. Although not particularly strong on average, and perhaps less eager to fight and kill, the streamers are far younger and healthier than the Qanon-obsessed boomers. Many of the boomers fall victim to complications of diabetes, lung disease and simply being old and decrepit as the battle rages on, allowing the younger generations to clinch the win.
>>507
Pancakes vs. waffles.