[VIOLENCE] ITT we decide who would win the fight set up by the poster above us (355)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 00:15

Clonepa or Superman?

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 04:52

Clonepa, if you kill one of him two more will jump out of a cloning vat to take his place.

Duke Nukem or Superman?

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 07:23

Duke Nukem cause Clonepa already kicked superman's ass

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 10:38

What do I say?

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 17:02


6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 18:46

Mittens would totally lose that fight.

Godzilla vs. Batman - In Gotham, but Godzilla has the element of surprise.

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 19:37


Kenshiro vs. Haruhi

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 20:32

Kenshiro dominates the talent portion but Haruhi takes it all home with the swimsuit competition.

a midget V a dwarf

9 Name: heh man!fi.Jek4HW6!!gGKYHXFO : 1993-09-5792 20:53


>Kenshiro dominates the talent portion but Haruhi takes it all home with the swimsuit competition.


>a midget V a dwarf


geese howard vs wolfgang krauser

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 20:59

answer the fucking question or we don't fucking answer yours

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 21:34

>>9 I fucking hate you

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 21:41

fuck you

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 01:27

krauser coz he be burnin

calvin klein vs a bathing ape

14 Name: heh man!fi.Jek4HW6!!gGKYHXFO : 1993-09-5793 06:36


A bathing ape, for no reason at all.

Versus VS. Versus

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 06:57

 ( ゚ m゚) I'm not into the whole triple-posting thing.
 (   )

Also, dwarf. Have you seen those pickaxes?

16 Name: heh man!fi.Jek4HW6!!gGKYHXFO : 1993-09-5793 11:50

Okay dwarf

Now answer my question.

Versus VS Versus

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 12:13

Versus, obviously. Also ur gay.

Mac vs a PC with no games.

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 15:04

While the PC is clearly weak versus virus, the Mac has no virus-elemental attack (despite what hollywood would have you believe) as it's only use is as a fashion accessory. PC wins through sheer marketshare.

My Dad VS Your Dad

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 15:08

My dad died so I guess yours wins I suppose.

Beady Eyes vs. Smug Fathead.

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 15:13

( ・-・) Me, because 20get

( ・-・) Enrico Pucci vs. Goenitz

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 18:00

GIS reveals they are clearly the same character. Therefore, this must be a man vs himself scenario, In which case, I give a 58 to 1 odds that he overcomes his demons and becomes a more complete human being in the process. The demons in this case, by viewing images of the man in question, are probably either shopaholism or a mild to moderate stutter.

Jack Nicholson (1974) VS Robert Redford (1972); bare knuckle boxing, no hitting below the belt. Winner determined not by outcome of match but by who Bridgette Bardot (1961) runs to after the match, with tears in her eyes.

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5793 23:22

> Bridgette

This does not sound like the most legit of the Bardots. I doubt either of them would intentionally allow him to ran to them, which means that the only person who would stick around after the match would be the loser, who under those terms would be found the winner. And that obviously would be Jack Nicholson.

Laser Kirby vs. Sword Kirby

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5795 18:04

Sword, except when there's a lot of angled surfaces to make the lasers bounce all over.

Elevators vs Escalators

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5795 20:32

Elevators, because you can't transport heavy machinery by escalator.

Mariko Morikawa versus Miyabi Hayama

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5795 21:03

Mariko, because more k's in the name mean more power.

75 Dodge Tradesman van vs 75 Ford Econoline 350 van.

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 05:44

75 Ford Ekonoline 350 van, because more k's in the name mean more power.

Two lvl. 3 mages or a lvl. 6 warrior?

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 08:53

The warrior. He has more speed, which means he gets the first attack and one-hits the first mage. The second mage, being lv3, has no spells that are actually useful and pretty crappy physical stats, so he might manage to knock a few HP off the warrior, but he'll get pounded too in the end.

Brut vs. Old Spice

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 14:00

As it is notoriously difficult to convince cologne to engage in fisticuffs, I would have to determine the winner by which athelete sponsored each brand. The Internet tells me that Brut has been sponsored in the past by Joe Namath and Cassius Clay among others, while Old Spice has some NASCAR guy. Bruce Campbell, while very manly, can not save this match.
Winner is Brut, with Old Spice's weary, aging, broken body gasping for breath under the pressure of three broken ribs, one collapsed lung and critical head trauma that will most certainly leave Old Spice mentally feeble for the rest of it's natural life.

HAL9000 VS SKYNET; chess match, no interference.

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 14:21

>Bruce Campbell, while very manly, can not save this match.

I shall say good day to you, sir.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 15:19

Epic fail.

Kirby versus Mario

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 17:27

Yes indeed.


32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 18:24

DQN, idiots are more accomplished fighters than VIPPERS.

One's left fist vs one's right elbow

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 19:15

The outcome would depend on whether one is left-handed, right-handed, or ambidextrous. In the final case, the elbow would win as the bone and cartilage is much more massive in that area, giving it greater resilience and allowing it to land much more devastating blows.

Ngo Dinh Diem vs Syngman Rhee

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 19:35

I refuse to research these gentlemen or genteel women to determine the winner, so I will flip a coin... it rolled under the desk so I'm going to have to give this one to Superman.

Thread Structure VS Serial Derailment

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 22:03

i am a heron. i haev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment in 10 other threds i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

Daisies versus dandelions

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5797 08:43

Dandelions. Their advantage lies mainly in their huge taproot, capable of regenerating the rest of the plant should it go missing.

Chuck Norris vs Bill Nye

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5797 08:52

Bill is the more accomplished banjoist of the two. Otherwise, I don't exactly see how someone who seriously thinks global warming is seriously affected by anthropogenically-produced carbon dioxide can win against a man who does not sleep.

Longcat vs Widedog

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5797 16:02

Longcat is loooooooooooooooooooooooooong, as long as the universe itself. Widedog could travel for 100's of 1000s of lightyears and never find a vulnerable spot on Longcat.

LOLcat -vs- LOLrus...

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5797 21:10

If you convert letters of their names into ASCII codes and sum them up then LOLrus > LOLcat.

VOC@LOID Hatsune Miku vs UTAU Kasane Teto

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5797 23:55

Hatsune Miku is printed on 10,000 as many pillows as UTAU Kasane Teto, therefore Hatsune Miku wins.

VW TDI sportwagon versus Toyota Prius

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5798 00:47

The Volkswagen because you get in cheaper if you're driving a VW

Air-cooled VW vs. water-cooled VW?

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5798 21:36

Air cooled VW because VW makes to much plastic junk that breaks eaily in their cooling systems.

Beijing versus Los Angeles

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5799 02:22

Beijing probably has even more smog than LA. LA attacks, then suffocates.

Steve Albini vs Mark E Smith

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5799 06:02

At first I was going to say that Mark E. Smith is older and therefore wiser, but personally I like how Steve Albini looks on the photo on wikipedia encyclopaedia.
So I declare Steve Albini to be WINNER !

Ibaraki vs. Saitama!

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5799 15:36

                \ │ /
                 / ̄\  / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
               ─( ゚ ∀ ゚ )< IBARAKI!
                 \_/  \_________
                / │ \
                    ∩ ∧ ∧∩ / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
 ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄\ ∩∧ ∧∩\( ゚∀゚)< IBARAKI IBARAKI IBARAKI!
IBARAKI〜〜!    >( ゚∀゚ )/ |    / \__________
________/ |    〈 |   |
              / /\_」 / /\」
               ̄     / /

Krispy Kreme vs Dunkin Donuts

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5799 23:37

Dunkin Donuts has never given me a free donut when I walked in. Krispy Kreme has. Therefore, Krispy Kreme wins.

Magikarp vs Metapod

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5800 00:04

Magikarp! karp! karp!

Steam vs. Playonline

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5800 21:52

This fight basically comes down to who is more tenacious: PC gamers or Final Fantasy kids? I'm going with the FF kids, so Playonline wins.

Old Eddie Murphy movies vs. Relatively new episodes of Pokemon

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5801 06:57

The new Pokemon: DP (double penetration) episodes would kick the shit out of Eddie Murphy.

>>48 VS. >>49

50 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5801 09:40

>>49 would due to the fact that >>48 will die of old age before >>49.

Abacus vs Calculator

51 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5801 09:51

( ´ω`) In the hands of a decent operator, abacus excels at the basic four functions, hands-down; it has everything to do with input speed, which the numeric pad is not so hot at. When it comes to more complex calculations, however, the calculator wins. It is a toss-up all depending on what calculations you need done, and where those calculations should be stored.

( ´ω`) Nothing beats the slide rule for mathematician/engineer/geek cred, though.

Clonepa vs Darkpa

52 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5801 15:51

( `ハ´) Would I be challenging one of them or the Clonepa Collective?

53 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5802 07:47

As established in >>2, you can not fight only one Clonepa.
Ergo, the winner is Clonepa.

Marvel vs. Capcom

54 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5802 08:18


Powerthirst vs. your mother

55 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5802 11:21

Your mother.

Praktica MTL 5B vs. Horizon S3pro

56 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5803 18:33

Whichever wins, it is then beaten by any number of software that will turn several images taken with your standard camera into one single panoramic image.

John Conner VS John McClane VS John Rambo VS John Matrix VS John Spartan VS John Constantine VS John Kimble

57 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5804 10:03

Assuming that all combatants are fighting at the same time, the eventual winner will have to possess strength, stamina, intelligence and previous battle experience. John looks to be the favourite on paper due to his obvious proficiency in firearms, but this is a trait shared also by John, John, John and John (this is of course assuming that there are weapons available at all). In unarmed combat, John would have the slight edge over the others thanks to his powerful build, but depending on the arena's environment the same build could put him at a disadvantage as far as maneuverability is concerned. John, John and to a certain extent John all possess what can only be referred to as 'plothax', therefore being able to survive what could very well defeat a lesser man, but it is important not to place too much significance on said ability. As far as stamina is concerned John probably has the edge, but I could easily see John, John, John and even John given him a good run for his money, so this is not enough to triumph in this battle. I suppose what this really comes down to, however, is the fighters ability to please the crowd; what's the use in winning a fight if the audience calls for your blood instead of your foes? Of course, John is the clear winner in the respect, even John would have to admit that his charisma far surpasses anyone else fighting here, and when coupled with his smarts, his combat strength and his pure resiliency it is clear who the survivor of this battle royale would be; John by a mile.

A Western comic book nerd VS a Japanese otaku

58 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5804 10:57

If it's going to be a physical confrontation between them then it will depend on fighting skills.
In this case a comic book nerd will have an advantage in both armed and unarmed combat, because of sheer "kapow", "slam" and "boom" frames in his comic books. They usually depict a clear picture of a superhero hitting villians (or vice versa). In manga the best ninjas and samurai often turn into clouds or movement lines, so the reader basically sees the result of battle instead of movements.

So as I stated above a western comic book nerd will have more advanced theoretical combat skill and therefore has a better chance to win.

Vladimir Putin vs. Junichiro Koizumi

59 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5805 01:25

Vladimir Putin, being ex-KGB, can kill a man with a cold stare.
The fight begins with a bow and then ... Junichiro Koizumi does the only honorable thing and cuts his own belly open with a katana to avoid the shame of defeat.

Richard Nixon VS Lester B Pearson

60 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5805 20:29

There ain't a diplomat dead or alive who's ass Nixon can't kick.

Mazinger Z vs. The Iron Giant

61 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5806 09:09

Unless Mazinger could successfully utilize a Koushiryoku Beam or Pocket Punch early on this will quickly become a battle of attrition, and given that Mazinger Zs human pilot would need sustanance that THe Iron Giant obviously would not it is clear who would emerge victorious.

Afika Bambaataa VS DJ Sharpnel

62 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5817 17:05

The nigga cuz them thugs and shit so they can beat up them azn who watch cartoons all day.

Racism or xenophobia?

63 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5823 23:14

Xenophobia because it hurts those who immigrate illegally.

2girls1cup or swap.avi?

64 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5823 23:25

swap.avi because they'll last longer.

Phoenix Wright vs. Battler (Umineko no Naku Koro ni)

65 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5823 23:27

Phoenix Wright paralyzes the enemy in fear when he shouts OBJECTION!

Duct tape or electrical tape?

66 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5824 00:29

Duct tape. Come on, it's duct tape. It can do anything.

Carpeting or hard floors?

67 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5824 00:46

hard floors because when something gets spilled on carpet it is hard to remove.

Top Gun or After Burner

68 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5824 12:31

After Burner because Top Gun is gay.

Cilla Black vs Sandie Shaw vs Lulu

69 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5830 23:06

Sandie Shaw because if the other two try to form an alliance, the name Sandie Shaw would take more time to discuss.

VW R32 or Subaru WRX?

70 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5833 23:32

As I could not find crash test ratings for either vehicle, I will have to give the victory in a head-on collision to the VW R32. Reason being it has only two doors and a higher curb weight. But I'm also biased against hood scoops. Safety of human drivers not guaranteed.

Gangster Planet VS Nazi Planet

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5834 18:47

Nazi Planet, the gangster planet would be too rife with infighting to be able to carry on a decent fight.

An ant that looks like a spider vs a spider that looks like an ant.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5834 20:07

A spider that looks like an ant, because it can still shot webs at the imposter spider-ant.

The Mothership from the movie Independence Day or a Titan from Eve online.

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5834 23:13

The Titan is immune to all kinds of electronic warfare, while the mothership was taken down with a MacBook and a nuke. The Titan wins, easily.

Darth Vader vs. Brock Samson

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5835 17:59

At first, I gathered this a simple victory for Darth Vader. But then I considered the essential rule of 'Good Guys Win' and that Darth Vader is at heart a scared little child. But then it became clear that this Brock Samson is just a good guy, not the good guy, more of a sidekick. In the end Brock Samson, like Obi-Wan Kenobi before him, sacrifices himself as the means to completion of some other goal. Most likely to protect the good guy.

Dr. Phil VS Judge Judy

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5835 20:13

Dr. Phil, he'd put Judge Judy in a hole in his back yard with the other judges that tried to convict him.

Arizona VS. Arizona Iced Tea

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5837 02:30

Arizona because any iced tea will quickly evaporate in Arizona.

Bugs Bunny or The Angry Video Game Nerd?

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5837 21:58

Bugs Bunny creates a Lady Video Game Nerd out of TNT, a dress, and a blonde wig. The Angry Video Game Nerd, not being a cartoon, is washed off the floor, walls and ceiling with a hose. And most unfortunately he had no extra lives or continues left.

Charles Manson VS John Wayne Gacy

78 Name: Lord Pentium!PG1mP76kIY : 1993-09-5838 21:35

Gacy would be too busy raping little boys to notice that a member of Manson's "family", jacked up on LSD and thinking that Gacy is responsible for Manson's failure to break into the record industry before his conviction, is sneaking up behind him with a knife. Just as Gacy releases his load in little Johnny's anus, the drugged-up woman slits his throat. She then proceeds to kill Johnny in the same manner, and then dies after another hit.

Morgoth and Sauron vs. champions Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5839 00:09

Darth Vader and and Emperor Palpatine because more fanboys give them support.

Card Captor Sakura or Sailor Moon?

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5840 01:46

Card Captor Sakura can make herself massive and then just step on Sailor Moon. Or she could make herself tiny, enter Sailor Moon's nose, climb up to her brain and then use the fire card to burn it, before quickly making her escape. She may be a little girl, but she's fucking lethal.


81 Name: heh man!fi.Jek4HW6!!gGKYHXFO : 1993-09-5841 01:24


Terry Bogard vs. Hotaru Futaba

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5841 01:50

We've been over this a gazillion times. THERE. IS. NO. CLEAR. WINNER.

http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1202850490 vs http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1227718476

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5841 07:14

http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1202850490 had 0.213 posts per day, but http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1227718476 had 0.2995, so http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1227718476 is clearly the winner.

Tohno Shiki vs. Ryougi Shiki

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5841 19:20

Due to continued lazy refusal to look up either name, Ryougi is victorious because the name has more aesthetic appeal in print.

Unstoppable Force VS Immovable Object

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5841 23:27

Unstoppable Force, because it just plain breaks the immovable object into bits that do move.

Aztecs vs. Ancient Egyptians

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5842 01:53

The ancient Egyptians were much better at drawing than the Aztecs were and they also made their home in the middle of a fucking desert as opposed to a teeming rain forest, so I say Egyptians

A bird watcher vs. an insect collector

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5842 12:59

Insect Collectors are highly muscular and much more agile than lame binocular wielders. One of them could would crush a bird watching sissy like a rare beetle.

Aaron Burr vs. Alexander Hamilton the rematch (Cage match)

88 Name: Lord Pentium!PG1mP76kIY : 1993-09-5842 19:07

Burr won by cheating the first time, however since then Hamilton has managed to turn his visage into a weapon. He's also learned to stop time. Think ZA WARUDO with $10 bills replacing Dio Brando's knives, and you know why Hamilton would be victorious this time.

Shigeru Miyamoto vs. ZUN

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5856 19:31

ZUN unleashes a bullet hell attack while Shigeru is still questing for the Master Sword with his three hearts life bar. The result is a misty pink death for Miyamoto and victory for ZUN.

Eric Foreman (That 70's Show) VS Eric Foreman (House M.D.)

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5856 19:46

Dr. Foreman because he is black and would obviously be a thug.

East Coast Rap vs. West Coast Rap

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5858 00:32

East Coast Rap because the smog on the west coast more quickly destroys the lungs of West Coast Rappers.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5858 01:58

Will the fresh prince of bel-air vs. Zack Morris

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5858 19:21

It's no secret Will fled across the contenintal united states when he got in one little fight. The fact that his mom sent him to Bel-Air, and he did not even flee of his own accord, only reveals his nature as a sissy. Zack Morris wins by default as Will does not even show up for the fight. 'Very special episodes' of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Saved By The Bell follow.

Flaming Carrot vs. Earthworm Jim

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5858 21:55

Flaming Carrot, because even best friends fear him a little!

The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers vs. Mexico's military

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5858 23:26

The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, because the best weapons Mexico has are lowrider Chevy Impalas with hydraulics and shitloads of flashy colors. A giant mecha or 2 can crush them all.

Sailor Mercury versus Sailor Jupiter

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5863 19:01

Sailor Jupiter because she's hotter.

The KKK versus Jackson 5.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5863 21:47

Jackson 5. Lord knows they all can take a beating, and Michael could probably take on the whole KKK single-handedly.

George Clinton vs. the entire Bootsy's Rubber Band.

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5864 01:51

Difficult one. Against anyone else, George Clinton would easily be able to overpower them with funk, and cause them to do the Cosmic Slop to the death. Saying this, he has far more up his sleeve than even the entirety of the Rubber Band have - after all, he has fought wars of Armageddon, he has stood on the verge of getting it on, he has tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe and he freed the minds and asses of countless mortals. The rest of the Rubber Band would fall to him within the first hour; only Bootsy would be left. The remaining battle would be a ridiculous synth-laden 10 year jam battle that would cause all life in the world to implode from sheer funkiness, all that would be left would be Clinton's glasses. However, then the soul of Eddie Hazel would lead the souls of everything that ever lived into the new universe, Ideon-style.

Daddy Cool vs Squeeks

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5864 03:09

While Squeeks was out backpacking the world Daddy Cool was building up his funds and amassing an army of loyal VIPPERS to do his bidding. Based on that I say Daddy Cool.

People who duble post vs. people who don't refresh the page before they post

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5864 13:49

People who double post, because they are willing to put up with abuse while people who don't refresh the page are just forgetful.

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5864 13:50


People who don't refresh the page before they post vs. people who forget to do the second part of a two-part thread until after clicking Reply?

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5864 18:39

People who double post, because they are willing to put up with abuse while people who don't posit a deathmatch scenerio are just forgetful.

Pitt the Elder VS Lord Palmerston

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5864 19:18

Pitt the elder would against Palmerston initially but Palmerston would then use his power of manipulation to get Pitt kicked out of power.

Olde Fortran vs. The Earl Of Doncaster

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5871 15:56

( ゚ m゚) I'm not really into the whole violence thing.
(   )

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5872 02:38

The poster above gets punched in the mouth

Fruit flies vs. House flies

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5872 05:38

House flies, they're much bigger.

Bull semen vs. monkey dung

107 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5872 21:24

Assuming we are talking about the excretions alone here, and not dealing with the animals as well, I will have to give this one to the monkey dung. Shit has staying power. Who ever heard of fossilized semen?

Ralph Fiennes vs. Liam Neeson

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6104 14:01

The one who carries out and is w will be the deciding factor

lion vs. tiger

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6104 23:46

Lion and Tiger make sweet love, and produce a Liger, which is pretty much my favourite animal, all of the time. That said, as it is neseccary the lion be the male in this pairing, the lion wins, because man > woman, always, except in some species of insects and arachnids where the female consumes the male after mating.

Pazuzu Vs Baphomet

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6122 19:50

Baphomet, because who ever heard of Pazuzu?

Guybrush Threepwood vs April Ryan

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6175 21:15

Guybrush Threepwood wins because he can summon more British football fans to side with him.

LJN NES games versus Ocean NES Games

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7249 22:36

Ocean NES games, because it rolls off the tongue quite nicely, unlike LJN NES games.

Hakurei Reimu vs. Saya from Saya no Uta

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7250 05:07

Reimu because bloomers > all

Miles "Tails" Prower vs Shinji Icari

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7250 16:30

Shinji giant robots are more powerful than twin tails.

Brahman or Jesus

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7250 16:46

Definitely Brahman. Jesus got his backside handed to him by a bunch of Romans - humans for crying out loud, how embarrassing - and only revived because his dad intervened. Brahman is an inconceivable infinite something-or-other, so I'm sure he can use his powers to destroy Jesus somehow.

You vs. ten angry cats

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7250 21:26

The ten angry cats. I don't have my weapons-grade pumpkin at hand.

Espeon vs Tokiko

117 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7250 21:35

Tokiko is more annoying but Espeon's posts are more cringeworthy. Espeon probably wins based on tenacity, but ideally the two would somehow annihilate one another leaving them both dead or otherwise unable to post.

Anhedonia vs. suicidal ideation

118 Name: !ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-7251 13:48

Rude, >>117.
No, they aren't. No, I don't. No, we wouldn't. Keep lying to everybody, but don't lie to yourself. Tokiko and I chatted happily on the wider internet, and guess what? I'm posting with a tripcode right now invalidating your hateful, uneducated opinion.

Back to topic, anhedonia would probably win. According to Wikipedia social anhedonia remains stable throughout life, whilst a person with suicidal ideation might harm himself or get forced into treatment. Anhedonia is also listed as one of suicidal ideation symptoms, so it can be that bad.

>>117 VS. butter knife in his hand.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7251 14:43

The butter knife, being an inanimate object, is at a severe disadvantage here. The best it can hope for is that >>117 trips over in such an awkward way that it ends up lodged in >>117's eye. Otherwise, >>117 is the clear winner here.

>>117 vs. demonically possessed butter knife.

120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7251 14:46

>>119 While a butter knife may have evil radiating from it due to demonic possession, it still does not have legs or other appendages to move itself, so unless it talks >>>117 into stabbing himself it would still lose.

The entire cast of RAW or the owner of the Voynich Hotel.

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7252 15:36

If they work together, I suspect that the cast of RAW could, between them, overpower the Voynich Hotel owner. Realistically, there's likely to be a fair amount of infighting on the RAW side, so if the owner plays his cards right he could come out victorious.

Darkpa vs. a dalek.

122 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7252 22:48

Of course its Darkpa. However if you had've said Dälek instead maybe it would be a different story, it's hard to imagine Darkpa up against Swollen Tongue Bums.

My left hand vs. my right hand.

123 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7252 23:13

87.5% right. Still a chance for the left to win though.

10 Donkey Kongs vs 700 Pomeranians

124 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7253 00:00

For the Donkeys to win, they would have to take on (on average) 70 pomeranians each. Despite being decent fighters, I doubt they could survive the onslaught of the smaller animals, purely due to quantity. However, were the pomerianans to attack individually, I could see the Donkey Kongs winning easily.

Kaz Hiarai VS Reggie Fils-Aime

125 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7253 00:02

Reggie is a hearty guy, so you'd expect him to win. However, Kaz is Asian which means he's an expert in Karate. Kaz with the upset.

Frog vs toad

126 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7253 01:26

At first I thought you meant Frog from Chrono Trigger and Toadstool, which would have been a no-brainer as Frog has the Masamune sword. Even if he didn't however, he could punch Toadstool and be done with it.

Between a frog and a toad however, it would seem a toad has the ability to swallow most things one would not expect it to. This probably includes frogs, so no matter what tactic the frog uses it would eventually be eaten alive.

Immanuel Kant vs a house cat

127 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7253 12:47

Kant has been dead for 200 years, so the house cat would win by default. Even if Kant was alive, though, he'd get so wound up imagining a world in which everyone attacked cats that he wouldn't be able to attack it himself. This is a clear victory for the house cat.

( ゚ ヮ゚) vs (・∀・)

128 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7254 01:26

(・∀・) distracts ( ゚ ヮ゚) with OPPAI and attacks.
(・∀・) Wins!

FC3S Turbo Mazda RX-7 or Mazda RX-8?

129 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7255 00:13

Mazda RX-8, because 8 > 7, and putting meaningless numbers/letters and the word "turbo" in front of the name is clearly nothing more than a marketing ploy.

Yukari Yakumo vs Loki

130 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7255 22:47

Loki because, honestly, there's nobody trickier. #1 tricks.

Funeral attendees vs Wedding attendees. Assume both have the same number of attendees.

131 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7256 22:24

My first instinct was that the funeral attendees would be too distraught and weepy - not to mention averse to further death - to put up a serious fight. But it really depends on context. Beyond a certain point in the wedding, the guests tend to become rather inebriated, which would severely limit their fighting capabilities, and the funeral attendees could under certain circumstances end up with the "nothing left to lose" mentality which would make them quite formidable opponents. I suppose my money's on the wedding attendees, but it may well be a close one.

The Great Sky Loli vs the entire population of Luxembourg

132 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7257 05:05

Luxembourg because they'd resurrect Brandenburg and get the the gang back together and get a big old Holy Roman Empire war going.

Spinached up Popeye vs Popeye with no spinach, but he has superman powers.

133 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7257 10:54

Despite Superman's poor performance in >>1-3, Superman powers would actually be very helpful in this fight. In particular, flying out of reach of spinached Popeye would give unspinached Popeye a huge advantage, probably enough to win.

Kasodani Kyouko vs Sakura Kyouko vs Toshinou Kyouko vs Irisu Kyouko

134 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7257 20:16

I'm just gonna say Toshinou Kyouko cause i like her the most, seriously she's the best. Not from Yuru Yuri though, thats Yui.

A japanese businessman vs. A downs syndrome man with no arms

135 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7257 20:35

The Japanese business man since he most likely has arms and normal brain functions.

Cumulonimbus vs cirrus

136 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7258 09:53

Cumulonimbus wins through vertical superiority.

The ghost of Biggie vs. The spirit of Tupac possessing two present-day rappers (who?)

137 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7258 22:10

Trick question; everyone knows rappers don't have souls. The winner is Clonepa.

Fourier transform vs Laplace transform

138 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 18:41

Fourier transforms can carry out w in only the most contrived of cases, whereas your average Laplace transform can not only carry out but actually be w. Also, "Laplace" rolls of the tongue much easier than "Fourier".

http://secretareaofvipquality.net/saovq/ vs http://sageru.org/index.html

139 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 08:48

Sageru would win even blindfolded and with both hands tied behind its back.

Cardcaptor Sakura vs mecha-Hitler armed with chain guns from Wolfenstein 3D

140 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8359 01:20

Kinomoto Sakura-chan wins any fight of course, if she has Sakura Cards. It's simple: The Time !! The Erase !!

Or she could just make him into a clow card. The Mecha-Hitler !!

      ▼\          /▼
       \ \      / /
        \  ~⌒~⌒⌒ \/
         (      ,   ― ‘
         (   γ γ~   \
 |\      |   |  / 从从) )  / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
  \ \    |  ヽ | | l  l |〃 <    さくら怪獣じゃないもん!
  / /    /   `wハ~ ーノ)   \_________________
  \ \   /          / \
   \ \|          _)
    ●●/   \_)    /
     ●|          /
        \       ⊃⊃

If it was beginner Kinomoto Sakura, it becomes a hard fight. I think her skating evade abilities are extremely top tier, but Mecha-Hitler's rapid fire would be hard to outskate, even with her wall-riding abilities. But I still think Sakura would win. Hitler would be dazzled by her beauty and unable to shoot such a cute thing. So, it's not possible to win against her even if she is beginner mode and you are stronger.

Berserker (Lancelot) vs tanasinn∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴

141 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8359 19:49

While no one can doubt Berserker's fighting prowess, one must be∴r in m∵nd t∴∵t∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴e∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵
∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴un∴ble t∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵
∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴a∴∵th∵ walrus ∴∵k∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴
∴∵∴∵o∵ably w∴∵∴∵n't ev∴∵ be eno∵gh left of him to bury.

The Wizard of Yendor vs Erina from Rabi-Ribi (with backup from Ribbon)

142 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8360 02:42

I have no idea who they are, so the coin toss says the Wizard takes home the trophy.

Aaahnold vs. 30 5-year-olds hell-bent on murder.

143 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8360 03:45

the governator is old and bad, murderous children have the advantage, so them I guess.

Sunred vs. one-punch man

144 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8360 08:02

An easy win for Saitama. The fight is over before it's begun.

Hanako (from Katawa Shoujo) vs Hanako (from Anne Happy) vs Hanako (Princess Hitachi) vs Hanako (the lonely elephant, as she was before death)

145 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8360 20:06

I'd put my money on princess Hitachi as an elephant as old as Hanako would probably accept death, and the rest are 2D fucking drawings so just use an eraser.

Hitler or Mussolini, hand to hand.

146 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-8360 20:19

Mussolini no contest.

Mike Myers vs Jim Carrey

147 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8361 03:37

Jim Carrey starts off strong by putting the Mask from the movie "The Mask" on, but Myers brings it right back at him by transforming into Shrek. Carry unloads a full tommy gun clip into Myers, but to no avail, because Shrek is just a CG animation. Carry then removes the mask and becomes ACE VENTURA and summons an army of assorted animals to attack Myers. Myers can no longer take it so he transforms into Austin Powers and bites off all of the monsters heads with his large teeth. As Ace, Carry is woeful at the loss of all of his animal friends. Carry gives up Mike Myers wins.

C9 Mango VS. Reynad

148 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8361 20:57

Reynad's forehead strikes terror into even the greatest of men. Mango is no match.

Queen Elizabeth II armed with a crossbow vs Emperor Akihito armed with a shortsword

149 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8361 21:07

Lizzy is a skilled sharpshooter and ten'nou heika is working on plans to abdicate due to poor health, plus the natural disadvantage of having a melee weapon against someone with a ranged weapon. Elizabeth II is the clear winner, I think.

10 clones of Hulk Hogan in his prime vs an enraged silverback gorilla.

150 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8361 21:39

This comes down to the Donkey Kongs vs Pomeranians issue seen in >>123,124; namely, does the silverback fight the Hulk Hogans one by one or all at once? One by one, I can see this being an easy win for the gorilla, but against all at once, even some basic coordination could result in one or two Hogans holding down each limb, safely incapacitating the gorilla.

A little girl dressed in boys' clothing vs a little boy dressed in girls' clothing

151 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8361 22:41

Boys are stronger than girls plus the added freedom of a dress will improve the boy's movement capabilities.

Fingers vs toes

152 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8361 23:59

It comes down to STR vs DEX: the toes are stronger, but the fingers more agile. I would expect fingers to win because they can cooperate better.

153 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8362 00:01

>>152 (cont)
Kujo Jotaro vs. Kirby

154 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8362 21:53

Unless Kirby can inhale him absolutely instantly and stay like that, Jotaro's Star Platinum will squish him like a bug.

You vs your sibling closest to you in age, both parties armed with daggers.

155 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8365 04:00

Definitely my lil bro; though I have more endurance, he's taller and stronger and would end me quickly.

Monsanto vs. Pfizer

156 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8365 08:09

Pfizer has a small army of synthetic chemists armed with nasty chemicals; Monsanto just has a bunch of harmless farmers and biologists. It'll be a protracted battle given how spread out Monsanto is, but ultimately my money's on Pfizer.

Captain America vs Captain Metaphysics

157 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8365 14:23

Both would win according to their own definition of winning.

An old man vs Death

158 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8365 20:25

The old man may win the battle, but Death will win the war.

One elephant-sized crocodile vs twenty pig-sized crocodiles, all at the same time.

159 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8366 00:11

It sounds like the size difference is pure scaling, so by the square cube law the elephant-sized crocodile will be at a significant disadvantage. I'm giving it to the pig-sized ones.

The cast of Azumanga Daioh (sans Sakaki and Kagura) vs the cast of Hidamari Sketch. Three days of prep time, supplies are whatever they could readily access and carry, but no foreknowledge of their opponents. The battlefield is about 4 square km of a deserted city (a la Escape From New York). Assume Osaka does not have access to true immortality.

160 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8367 19:41

When the two parties first catch sight of one another, having been expecting far worse enemies, they are so relieved that they all throw down their weapons and declare a truce. Together, they make introductions, chat, set up shelter and so on. After a few days, however, supplies begin running low, all avenues of escape have been exhausted, and it becomes obvious that whatever sick bastard forced them into this situation isn't letting anyone go until they've seen some carnage. Tensions rise. Arguments break out, factions form, lines are drawn in the sand. Shadows move in the darkness. The night air is rent by screams and incongruous giggling. When dawn breaks, the only survivor is Chiyo-chan gripping a bloodstained palette knife, hugging her knees and rocking back and forth, whispering under her breath "tsukurimashou, tsukurimashou..."

An adult tyrannosaurus rex vs a T-26 tank.

161 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8368 22:42

Tank cannon go boom. Lizard go splat.

Train vs airplane.

162 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8369 17:11

The airplane drops a bomb on the nearest railway station and that leaves the train stranded. The airplane wins.

Stephen King vs Steven Spielberg

163 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8369 19:40

Steven Spielberg, on virtue of both his ties to the Mossad and not being in a wheelchair.

Hakurei Reimu vs Batman

164 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8369 19:58

In an open arena, Reimu's levitation and indiscriminate curtain fire danmaku could easily overpower Batman. On the other hand, if it's in an enclosed space with cover available, and especially if Batman has the element of surprise, a single well-aimed batarang to the hitbox could probably bring down Reimu.

An applied mathematician vs a pure mathematician

165 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8380 22:20

An applied mathematician has the virtue of being able to apply his mathematics to whatever he may wish, and he is not confined to the blackboard. A pure mathematician is. Based on his expanded breadth of capabilities, the applied mathematician wins.

The community of DQN vs captcha

166 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8381 00:05

DQN becomes obsessed with making sentences using the captcha. Captcha uses this opportunity to deliver a powerful uppercut. Captcha wins.

The number 6 vs the number 7

167 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8381 01:58

6 is made to cease existing by the elitist superstructure and 7 wins by default.

An uncircumsized penis or the majestic 12.

168 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8381 18:14

The penis, being a non-sentient part of a greater being with no will of its own, is unlikely to be able to put up much of a fight. As the question does not specify any sort of accompaniment to the organ, meaning it is presumably just sitting there inanimate and defenceless, I'm going to have to give this one to the twelve.

Anna Karenina vs Nastasya Filipovna

169 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-8381 20:56

Nastasya's Roghozin assists will be the thing to really tip the scale in her favor.

The New York No Wave scene vs the early Japanese noise scene

170 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8385 21:02

Both sides blast noise at one another until they go deaf. The result is a draw.

Tatsuhiro Satō vs Ōba Yōzō

171 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8386 19:21

After a fruitless and crazy argument about who has the greatest inner pain, they both agree to a suicide pact and prepare to jump off a cliff. However, memories of Misaki stop Tatsuhiro at the last moment while Oba jumps off.

AKB48 vs. Morning Musume (top 10 members from each group)

172 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 10:41

All else being equal, AKB48 has a larger pool from which to draw combatants, plus they already survived that one handsaw attack, so I'd go with them.

Youmu Konpaku vs Miyamoto Musashi

173 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8462 13:44

Given that Youmu can fly, can fire waves of danmaku from a distance, and has a sword that can cut through literally anything, I'm pretty certain she's going to win this one.

A lion vs a polar bear

174 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8462 22:29

Lions are just fancy cats. Polar bears, on the other hand, are fancy bears. Polar Bear wins.

45 Kangaroos vs. The Dark Magician

175 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8463 22:07

According to the first result on Google, the Dark Magician is a small rectangular card with text and illustrations on it, which rather limits its offensive or defensive capabilities. I'm going to have to give this one to the kangaroos.

You with your arms from the elbows down replaced with chainsaws vs a grizzly bear with both hind legs broken.

176 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8464 03:33

The chainsaws are heavy, and I have no way of starting them. I run away as the bear drags itself by the front legs and eventually collapses. I win on paper, but can never truly rejoin society because of the chainsaw arms.

SpongeBob SquarePants vs a sea cucumber.

177 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-8464 04:26

SpongeBob has plot armor. He technically already defeated a sea cucumber indirectly in "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic"

An anime director vs a mangaka

178 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8464 07:22

Mangaka has superior wrist and finger strength, allowing them to snap the anime director's neck like a japanese twig.

Jerry Seinfeld with a rocket launcher vs an attack helicopter

179 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8464 14:45

The attack helicopter blasts Jerry Seinfeld while he's distracted thinking what's the deal with helicopter food.

A bus driver vs a taxi driver

180 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8464 17:09

The bus driver thinks he can easily take the taxi driver being in the bigger and stronger vehicle but taxi driver surprises him by taking out a gun from his sleeve and shoots him

Oda Nobunaga vs Justin Trudeau

181 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-8464 18:26

Nobunaga is already dead, meaning he is the winner.

Captain Planet vs Ivan Ooze

182 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8465 09:33

Ivan Ooze wins because "Heart Power" doesn't work very well on anything.

K-selected people vs R-selected people

183 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8465 10:56

Hopefully, K-selected people.

Coffee vs a smoothie. The coffee is in a styrofoam cup.

184 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8465 12:38

coffee wins because of the heat

2ch vs 4-ch

185 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8465 17:20

It's like the Battle of Rorke's Drift, we barely manage to win.

Bricks vs. cement

186 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8465 18:39

Because cement is so formless, the bricks are unable to damage it. By the time it hardens the bricks have been absorbed.

Hiroyuki Nishimura vs Ben Garrison

187 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8466 02:36

Ben, because Hiro is genuinely retarded.

Man made of corn vs Man made of yams

188 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8466 08:50

The man made of corn, because while I don't know what yams are, I assume he has no teeth, therefore he's gonna look pretty funny trying to beat a man made of corn with no fuckin teeth!

St. Mary of Egypt or Yamada from B Gata H Kei?

189 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8467 20:49

If we're talking about pre-conversion, then Mary clearly has the stronger will and strength of character, and will certainly not be outdone by an amateur like Yamada. If you mean post-conversion, Mary will probably be weakened by her time in the desert, and will be unable to put up much of a fight.

You armed with a lightsaber vs every US president in order, unarmed, coming at you in waves of five at a time. You are allowed a break of five minutes after each wave. The presidents are allowed to plan and confer before attacking, and know what happened in previous matches, so they can learn from their predecessors' mistakes. Assume the battleground has no cover, no terrain that could be relevant tactically, and nothing that could be used as a makeshift weapon.

190 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8467 23:18

This is really a question of whether I'll accidentally cut my own limbs off. I'd bet on the presidents.

HAL 9000 vs these verification codes, but Bowman is pulling out logic boards at about the same time as depicted in the film, with roughly the same effect.

191 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8468 23:32

If HAL 9000 can lipread in real time, I'm sure it can read slightly distorted nonsense words almost instantly, faster than Bowman can pull out the boards (takes several minutes in the film). It might conceivably mistake a u for a w or vice versa, but on balance my money's definitely on HAL.

Stephen Hawking vs Davros

192 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8469 11:12

Powered wheelchairs are not yet allowed at the paralympics so probably Davros. But Hawking would get more support from the public.

Donald J. Trump vs Hillary R. Clinton

193 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8469 12:32

danald tromp

194 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8469 12:38

I'd be inclined to say Donald purely on size difference but having seen his wrestling ability I think Hillary could get a quick 1-2-3 with little effort. Pre-match promos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbryz0mxuMY

Tim Mack, the 1-pin bowling star, vs Garry Kasparov, the chess master

195 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8471 16:33

The skills developed in bowling (strength, precision, hand-eye coordination) are highly applicable to physical confrontations, whereas chess generally favours careful thought and long term strategies. Above all, chess is tightly constrained to a set of rules in a way that fighting is not. On background alone, I think Tim has the upper hand.

( ・-・) vs ( ⌒-⌒)

196 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8471 18:45

( ・-・) has eyes open, and is a clear favorite.

Red vs Blue

197 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8471 21:19

Red represents anger and violence, blue is calm and serene. Blue is clearly superior.

Ewoks vs. Gungans

198 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 12:36

Gungans are more advanced than Ewoks. I'd give it to the Gungans.

Keyboards VS Mouses?

199 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 18:13

Keyboards win by having more commands than computer mice. However, if someone had really good voice command software and a mouse with several buttons, the mouse might win. Some keyboards include a miniature pointer, mini trackball, or touch pad to get some of the pointing ability that computer mice have.

K-pop vs J-pop

200 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 20:46

Having heard of one band that converted from K to J, but none the other way around, I can only assume J-pop is superior.

Foot with 5 big toes vs. hand with 5 thumbs

201 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 21:39

The hand, aided by its superior dexterity, wins over the clumsier foot.

202 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 21:57

Gnomes vs fairies

203 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8473 17:05

Gnomes are masters of combat using melee weapons. Fairies don't know much about combat. Gnomes win.

Battletoads vs Cheetahmen

204 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8474 00:23

Obviously Battletoads, amphibians have a higher rate of reproduction.

All Fiction vs Gold Experience Requiem

205 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8488 16:46

They both erase one another from reality. Clonepa wins.

Clifford the Big Red Dog vs the Jolly Green Giant

206 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 17:50

Just look at the 1930 Green Giant. Does that look to you like a man who would hesitate before beating a dog to death with a giant peapod? It doesn't to me.

Self pity vs self hatred

207 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 19:45

Self-pity. Self-hatred is a sign of depression or other mental issues, whereas self-pity is a sign of being a pansy-ass wimp, and is therefore much cheaper to treat (using a slap to the face).

Pirate vs ninja (is this still going?)

208 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 20:15

Ninjas are highly skilled and disciplined elite fighters; pirates are just thuggish drunkards. I don't know how anyone could seriously think they are equal opponents.

Isaac Newton vs Gottfried Leibniz

209 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-8776 23:42

Leibniz gave us the "d," so I can't deny him this one

A taffy puller vs a mochi pounder

210 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8777 23:01

As best I can tell, taffy pullers seem to be exclusively made of metal, whereas mochi pounders seem to be exclusively made of wood, which immediately gives a large advantage to the taffy puller. On the other hand, the mochi pounder is itself essentially a bludgeoning weapon, whereas a taffy puller is just a metal box with small, slowly spinning appendages attached. When it comes down to it, I think a mochi pounder being used to pound a taffy puller could easily disable it entirely, but a taffy puller being used on a mochi pounder would have little to no effect. I'm going to give this one to the mochi pounder.

( ´ω`) vs ( `ハ´)

211 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8778 00:48

( `ハ´)is a fearsome opponent, but too straightforward. ( ´ω`) might look weaker, but his sneaky clever wit will always give him the edge, as in this confrontation.

Serval-chan vs. horny tentacle monster

212 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8778 22:14

Given an open field of battle and without the element of surprise, I would imagine that Serval-chan's superior speed and agility would allow her to easily keep out of reach of the groping appendages, while periodically darting in to quickly injure or even sever one tentacle at a time, leaving the monster in question defenceless. Serval-chan has, after all, been shown to take down ceruleans several times her size.

Your neighbour(s) living to the left of you vs your neighbour(s) living to the right of you.

213 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8779 13:17

I have no doubt that the students living to the left of me would be defeated within seconds of a battle against the 30-odd members of the Romanian family to the right of me. Those guys need TWO minibuses to get around. They definitely have the overwhelming advantage in numbers.


214 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8780 18:19

That is a tough call. On one hand, you have a guy who is soliciting payment (he won't get much, lol internet), and on the other hand, you have a guy who is enough of an idiot that the normal Japanese words for idiot don't suffice. I think DQN. His lack of a clear end game might be a disadvantage in most situations, but at least running off to mootxico is not in the playbook.

a sound, well-measured argument vs. some convenient bullshit

215 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8780 18:58

Some convenient bullshit takes less time to say than a well-measured argument, so bullshit wins among people with short attention spans

Original Sailor Moon or Sailor Moon Crystal?

216 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9083 22:32

>>215 Sailor Moon Crystal hits a lot harder but Original Sailor Moon would only need to get one hit in and Crystal would shatter. If Original Sailor Moon fights smart I think she could take the win.

>>217 Who would win in an all out no holds barred bare knuckle fistfight between Ted Rea from Shattuck, Oklahoma and Satou Hideo, 41?

217 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9083 22:53

I have no idea who Satou Hideo is, but I've never seen a shitty boring thread on DQN about him, so he wins.

Alice (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland) vs Alice (Kiniro Mosaic) vs Alice (Touhou Project) vs Alice (Rozen Maiden).

218 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 13:31

Firstly, it seems that Alice is just a normal girl with no particular physical or magical abilities, so it is unlikely she could win against the other three fighters. That leaves Alice, Alice and Alice. I will assume that Alice can re-enact while fighting the feats she performed will dreaming e.g. growing indefinitely tall which is surely the most useful in combat. However, she has no particular will to fight nor combat training.
What about the remaining two contestants? Alice is a magician, a very skilful puppeteer and also somewhat of an artificer. Alice is an idealized perfect doll who appears to combine the talents of all Rozen Maidens, including their combat abilities which are certainly impressive by doll or human standards. Note though that Alice is used to danmaku fighting, helping her dodge ranged attacks from Alice.
In the end, I think it depends on the amount of preparation you allow for the fight. The giant Alice could quite easily stomp out the others. Barring this, Alice would probably win thanks to the sheer number and strength of her dolls, even though her magical powers are probably weaker than Alice's.
So, I'm going to go with Alice winning here.

Highly-skilled C++ programmer vs highly-skilled Haskell programmer.

219 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 13:34

Everyone loses with the thought there is skill memorizing the worthless complexity of either language.

Highly-skilled nose picker or highly-skilled ear picker.

220 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 15:44

There are people who remove the stuffing from your ear professionally, so I'd rather be really good at picking my nose since I can't rely on professionals to do so

Highly-skilled dokyuun or highly-skilled vipper

221 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 17:28

>>220 DQN-kun is better-looking and more refined than VIPPER, but if they put their skills together they'd be an unstoppable team.

>>222 Call-centre salesperson vs. NEET?

222 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 18:35

NEET would not be able to turn the salesperson down, and would end up in even more debt from purchasing a 3 years' worth of commercial PBX support for a 60-person business.

The foil-covered leftovers I know have been in the refrigerator for 6 months or the airtight leftovers that have been in the refrigerator since I moved in?

223 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 22:13

If they're genuinely airtight, then the airtight leftovers; otherwise, the foil-covered.

A first-wave feminist vs a second-wave feminist vs a third-wave feminist vs a fourth-wave feminist.

224 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 22:40

The fifth column.

I've narrowed it down to "Suffering.", "Death.", or "I... don't know." So which is it?

225 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 23:05


Ace Ventura (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) vs Truman Burbank (The Truman Show) vs Bruce Nolan (Bruce Almighty, but without the God powers).

226 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9087 08:30

Truman Burbank. Being the most sensible of the trio, he would be the first to just grab a weapon and knock the other two out.

Puyo Puyo or Tetris?

227 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9087 11:03

Tetris. It's older, more widely known, has more iconic music, has more straightforward game mechanics, and, crucially, is still easily playable if you're colourblind, unlike Puyo Puyo.

Oedipus from Greek mythology vs Mom from The Binding of Isaac.

228 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 04:13

Oedipus was a pretty clever guy. Once you bring him up to speed with the concepts and he starts playing around with the item combos, I'd say it would take him only an afternoon or two before he gets one of those split-second screen-wiping kills.

The main four of Seinfeld against the Beatles. All are aged at the height of their popularity. One day of prep time plus knowledge of their opponents. Modern urban location.

229 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 05:56

Seinfeld cast, no contest. The Beatles are too peace-loving and head-in-the-clouds to come up with a viable strategy. Meanwhile, the Seinfeld cast use misdirection to lure the Beatles into various traps and explosives around the battlefield. Once most of the Beatles are down, Seinfeld cast just snipes them out one at a time from afar.

Girl's Generation vs. the 8 top members of AKB48. No weapons provided. Battle takes place in an empty field.

230 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 21:01

The minute Girl's Generation start to perform, all members of AKB48 instantly die of boredom from their watered-down, miserable, excruciatingly derivative R&B

Every character played by Bruce Willis vs every character played by The Rock

231 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9129 22:41

According to IMDb, Bruce Willis has appeared in 119 films, whereas The Rock has only appeared in 102 (admittedly this doesn't account for playing the same character in multiple films). Physically they seem pretty well matched, so I think the difference in numbers would be enough to swing it in Bruce's favour.

Me vs you.

232 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 00:26

I don't know anything about you except you post on DQN and know how to use IMDb, so it's hard to say. I've never been in a real fight so I'd probably lose if you have any experience at all. However I am fairly big, moderately fit, and can have some judo training which might give me an edge.

That said I don't really have any desire to fight you so I'd probably just end up conceding.

A platoon of ten Hello Kitties armed with AK-47s vs. a single US Navy Seal trained in gorilla warfare

233 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 07:31

>>232 The dumb navy seal went to the wrong class, he might have stood a chance had he went to guerrilla warfare training class but the skills he learned for fighting apes won't help him here. Hello Kitty is actually quite a vicious young girl, he doesn't stand a chance against 10.

>>234 Hulk Hogan vs the same US Navy Seal

234 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9146 15:08

Hulk Hogan, because the Hello Kitties already killed the Navy Seal.

Armok, God of Blood vs Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos.

235 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9147 23:46

At first, this looks like a clear win for Armok: pure desolation favors Armok, but leaves Nyarlathotep with no pawns and no enjoyment. On the other hand, Nyarlathotep can't really do anything to directly defeat Armok.

Upon reflection, however, I remembered Data's strategy of constant stalemate and frustration against Kolrami, the Zakdorn strategist. Nyarlathotep could postpone the inevitable until it gained more enjoyment out of the scenario than Armok ever could.

Of course, we all know they'd just become friends and team up.

Nethack's player @ (as the rider War) vs Morrowind's protagonist (alchemy and spellcrafting, but no console)

236 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9155 21:54

Even with alchemy and spellcraft alone, there are plenty of ridiculous and game breaking exploits available in Morrowind. Unless @ chances upon a wand of death, they're done for.

Theresa May vs Margaret Thatcher.

237 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9156 15:58

Theresa May. Thatcher may be the iron lady, but also she is dead. If their supporters where to get involved, probably Thatcher (just down to numbers).

A giant panda vs 100 young human children.

238 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9157 14:34

Some giant pandas have already exceeded that number. People would leave their unwanted girls in the panda zoo and say that the deaths were accidental.
Duke Togo vs Deadshot

239 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9190 23:24

Deadshot has a longer wikipedia page than Golgo 13, so I'm going to have to give this one to Togo by virtue of obscurity. Plus, his name is cooler.

Posters who use "captcha:" vs posters who use "vc:"

240 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9190 23:43

The time that vcposters save not typing an extra five letters is time they can instead spend punching captchaposters in the face.

Bowser vs Dr Robotnik.

241 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9191 06:18

Bowser is a stage actor who depending on circumstance can even be swung out of an arena by a tiny man; I'm not saying he's a pushover, just that he's kind of a softie somewhere in there. Robotnik appears to be an actual dick in a strong majority of cases (sometimes just selfish), and is largely foiled by opponents who are kinda OP compared to his mechanical genius. So Bowser will probably lose unless he is allowed to use the "I have a friend" gambit.

Bozo the Clown vs. Bob from Tekken

242 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9535 15:01

Bob is a martial arts expert from a fighting game, whereas Bozo has no combat experience whatsoever, as best I can tell. This is an easy win for Bob.

A kakapo vs a fairy penguin.

243 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 13:44

Kakapo. While both can't fly, the kakapo has fighting skills which can be compared to those of a rooster. It can sway its wings, jump forward and intimidate the enemy, while the fairy penguin is clumsy and weak.

Dora the Explorer VS Kim Jong Un.

244 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 17:16

Dora is a seasoned explorer, with experience surviving in the wild and handling dangerous animals, while Kim is a coddled old man who's clearly never seen action. There are also reports suggesting the Supreme Leader has various limiting health conditions, including diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. My money's definitely on Dora.

Elves vs. dwarves. Assume equal numbers on both sides, and the battleground is neither underground nor in a forest.

245 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 17:37

Dwarfs are physically resistant to magic while elves are not physically resistant to a cannonball to the face. Plus, Dwarfs won the War of the beard.

John Lennon vs. Vladimir Lenin. Assume they've both been resurrected at the heights of their physical capabilities.

246 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 19:48

I've got to go with Vlad on this one. As far as I can tell, Lenin survived at least one shooting and Lennon survived zero.

Three copies of Karl Marx vs. the Marx brothers (only Groucho, Chico, and Harpo). All resurrected to the physical condition they were in at age 35.

247 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9715 20:08

>>246 The Marx brothers would do a comedy skit about capitalism. The Karl Marx clones would laugh at the show. When one Marx brother would step off stage, he would plant an explosive cigar on a Karl Marx clone. The result would be a win for the Marx brothers.

>>246 Patchouli (Touhou) vs Sailor Mercury. Which 2d bookworm is better?

248 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 00:42

In terms of their powers, Patchouli has the obvious advantage here. She can command earth, which overcomes water in the Wuxing cycle. All of Ami's attacks and abilities are are water-based, so that gives her a severe handicap (unless the swords she makes out of water, or the Sailor Star Tambo, don't count as elemental.)

There's room for argument based on the facts that danmaku isn't particularly serious fighting compared to that which the Sailor Scouts do, and that Ami's physical stamina exceeds Patchouli's, but Stage 4 is going to be her toughest challenge in EoSD. I'm predicting Patchu will foil, at minimum, Ami's first 1CC attempt.

The guy who posted "dicks out for Hara​mbe" in every single thread on 4-ch vs. the guy who's been starting shitloads of threads about COO​MERs

249 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 01:55

Gorilla. Both jokes were spread and overused throughout every forum and social medias, but "dicks out" as a phrase has a lot of impact.

Renaissance paintings vs. ASCII art characters.

250 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9716 10:40

ASCII art characters can call for endless copy/pasted reinforcements, whereas renaissance paintings take days, at least, to produce more of. Also, ASCII art characters are frequently depicted with rocket launchers, tanks, comically oversized hammers, etc., whereas the most a renaissance painting will get is a guy on horseback with a sword or something. The renaissance paintings, outnumbered and outgunned, would fall quickly.

Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata vs Hiiragi Tsukasa & Hiiragi Kagami.

251 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9721 14:11

Takara Miyuki & Izumi Konata for sure. Not only is Konata more popular, she is also smarter than the Hiiragi sisters combined, while Miyuki's moe level would destroy their self-esteem.

Barbie vs He-Man.

252 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9721 21:06

He-Man is an honourable gentleman, and would never attack an unarmed lady. Barbie may lack any corresponding compunction, but she also lacks any plausible way of defeating the most powerful man in the universe. The result would be a stalemate.

Daniel (Amnesia: The Dark Descent) vs Oswald Mandus (Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs) vs Simon Jarett (SOMA)

253 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9808 19:02

Daniel is a pansy who's afraid of the dark, so he's definitely losing this fight. Oswald is the only one of the three who actually kills one of his enemies -- although he does so indirectly, via electrocution. Simon does have (potentially) two copies, which would be a substantial advantage, however he's rather a pansy too, and almost completely helpless without Catherine. Furthermore, Oswald is shown to have a very good understanding of mechanics and electricity, so he can likely find a way to disable or kill Simon, provided there's stuff in the environment to work with. I think Mandus is most likely to come out on top.

All the colossi from Shadow of the Colossus vs all the divine beasts and guardians from Breath of the Wild.

254 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9818 07:39

While intimidating, all the colossi are defeated by a random teenage boy with an ordinary sword he's mediocre at using, while the divine beasts and guardians can only be defeated by a legendary Hero of Time likely equipped with potent weaponry (or possibly with a tree branch, but still a tree branch in the hands of a legendary hero.)

The clincher is that there are a mere 16 colossi, while there are 172 guardians of various types. Even though some (about 70) are immobile, I predict them murderizing the colossi quickly with sheer numbers, without the divine beasts even having to enter the fray.

Odin vs. oden.

255 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9818 09:39

In the Prose Edda it is said that Odin doesn't eat anything, and gives all the food on his table to his wolves, Geri and Freki. Whether that would count as "winning a fight" against a bowl of oden is a little ambiguous, but I'd say so.

A gelatinous cube vs a mimic.

256 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9820 05:37

Assuming D&D Logic, cubes are acidic. (they're basically a giant stomach made out of jam, so they have to be.) Therefore, even if the mimic was physically large enough to not be immediately engulfed by the cube, it's attempt to eat it would end extremely badly.

J.C. Denton vs. Desert Punk. Both have all their gadgets, augmentations and other assorted tricks, though it's strictly 1 vs. 1. To make the battle fair, it takes place in a forest during the day, and both competitors have to use civilian-grade weaponry generously donated by an American gun store.

257 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9820 07:25

Depends largely on Denton's build. If he puts his skill points in rifles and takes the ballistic protection, cloak, regeneration and vision enhancement augs, I'd put my money on him, especially if Desert Punk stubbornly insists on still using a Winchester 1897 like daddy while JC opts for more advanced weaponry (say, an AR-15 if it has to be from 2020, not 2052.) Notably, his augmented vision can likely neutralize a number of the Punk's favored tricks, like the balloons and smoke bombs.

If JC went for Computers, Swimming, Microfibral Muscle and Environmental Resistance, his difficulty hitting a human-sized target's center of mass with a pistol from 20 paces will pose little threat to Desert Punk.

Masaki Michishita vs. Takakazu Abe.

258 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9821 21:51

My first instinct was to just go with whoever's the top, but rereading the original work, it seems they both take turns. Nonetheless, Abe is clearly the more confident and experienced of the two, has a more physical profession, and appears to be more muscular, so I think he's the most likely to win by far.

You vs your own childhood trauma.

259 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 14:03

I lose to my childhood trauma. I often have a difficult time falling asleep, not waking up, and being burnt by eternal hell fire. Fire and brimstone sermons still have me over 25 years later.

Kim Yo-Jong vs Park Geun-hye

260 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 15:28

Kim Yo-Jong is at least half of Park Geun-hye's age, and she's got that hardcore North Korean edge to her. Also she has a dictatorship's military behind her. Easy victory and futile nuclear barrage goes to Kim Yo-Jong.

Corona-chan vs Ebola-kun

261 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9822 18:58

Ebola definitely puts on a better show for the audience, with the dramatic bleeding and high mortality rate, but there's just no arguing with Corona's ruthless, insidious spread.

A man with no legs vs a man with no arms.

262 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9844 01:15

Assuming neither is allowed any weaponry, kicks have much stronger force than punches, so my money is on the guy with no arms. Leggy will also have the advantage in mobility. However, should leggy not immediately win the fight within the first few kicks, he could prove vulnerable to being grappled and even toppled by Mr. Arms. I'd still give it to Leggy, though, as in a fight, the initiator generally has the upper hand, and Leggy definitely would be the initiator.

A cyber-punk (A punk who dresses like he's from a mid-nineties interpretation of the near future) vs. a steam-punk (a punk who glued brass cogs to everything he owns.)

263 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9844 19:47

Assuming the only difference is how they dress (i.e. the cyberpunk doesn't get any cybernetic enhancements, the steampunk doesn't get any fancy wrist-mounted crossbows, etc.) cyberpunk clothing is typically much lighter and more mobile than the heavy, metallic steampunk clothing, so I'd be inclined to give it to the cyberpunk.

"Doc" Eriko Kamata (Texhnolyze) vs Dr Ritsuko Akagi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

264 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9891 21:16

Doc, simply because she's hotter.

Foo Fighters vs a foo.

265 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9892 21:47

The Foo Fighters outnumber the foo, and have been specifically trained to fight foos, so they will win easily.

A bus driver vs a postman.

266 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9893 00:37

Bus drivers are war-torn heroes, dealing with small, rowdy children, or meth addicted schizos depending on the type. Postmen are just mail-deliverers. So definitely the bus driver.

A pig vs a goat

267 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9893 02:23

Gotta be the pig. They're bigger and smarter and willing to eat shit to survive.

A horny rhino vs a hungry hippo

268 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 10:01

The extensive research I have done (watching a 30 second video on youtube) indicates that, sans adjectives, a hippo has the upper hand against a rhino. Making the rhino horny wouldn't improve its combat ability significantly, but a hungry hippo (as long as it's not starving) may become fiercer. I think the hungry hippo wins out.

The current heads of state of the last two nations you have set foot in (poster's choice if this is ambiguous or not well-defined). The location is the rocks where Kirk fought the Gorn. No prep time or modern weapons, but plenty of suspiciously-convenient natural resources.

269 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:41

Guðni Jóhannesson, Iceland's President, could easily overpower the Queen of England. It wouldn't even be a contest.

John Stalvern vs John Freeman

270 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:47

I have never set foot in another nation, but I believe my shoes were made in China. If that counts, then I guess Xi Jinping wins this one.

A handicapped Winnie the Pooh vs a homosexual.

271 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 12:57

I messed up. >>269 wasn't here when I arrived.
John Freeman, since Stalvern will be kill by demons.

8-bit hentai gifs vs YouTube's appealing thumbnails.

272 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9894 23:14

Hentai gifs are alluring, entertaining, and give you exactly what you want. Youtube thumbnails may be superficially enticing, but they're all empty promises with no substance.

King of Pentacles vs Queen of Wands vs Knight of Cups vs Page of Swords.

273 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9895 02:26

Not knowing a damn thing about the historical meaning of any of those things, I'm going to bet on the guy with swords. (Seriously, what's a knight going to do with a cup?)

(*゚ー゚) vs ( ゚ -゚) vs ( ゚ ヮ゚)

274 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9895 10:30

>>272 Who would win in a fight though‽

>>273 ( ゚ -゚) lets (*゚ー゚) and ( ゚ ヮ゚) duke it out then steals the win at the end

>>275 Tablecat vs. Zombie Longcat

275 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9896 22:33

Tablecat is limited to his table, while Longcat travelled through every corner of the world. Plus he's longer, so he'd definitely win.

2B vs. Tifa Lockhart.

276 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9899 23:55

>>275 Tifa Lockheart crushes the others with the best Oppai of any RPG

>>277 Usagi Tsukino vs Usagi Yojimbo.

277 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9926 12:38

If by Usagi Yojimbo you mean the protagonist of the series, Miyamoto Usagi, then I think it would be an easy win for Tsukino, given that she has magical powers and he doesn't, as far as I can tell. If you mean that she has to fight the entire Usagi Yojimbo franchise, I think it may be a stalemate, as I can't see any clear way either could harm the other.

You with a kitchen knife attached to your nose vs an adult emperor penguin with a kitchen knife attached to its beak. The fight takes place on land. Assume you cannot disarm the penguin. You cannot detach your own knife, but you are not obligated to use it, and can fight with hands and feet if you prefer. The penguin understands how to use its knife, and is trying to kill you, but otherwise is a mundane penguin without any special intelligence or training.

278 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9926 20:20

I'd win.
Given that the penguin is still a common and irrational creature, I'd run away until I reached a penguin of the opposite sex that aroused its instincts. As it gets distracted, I'd hug it from behind and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab and stab.

An angered elderly mathematics professor vs. a hungry overweight lady on a mart cart, both fighting over a pack of sausages.

279 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9927 18:38

The maths professor is likely to be faster and more agile, so if he can just grab it and run, he'll easily be taking home his meaty prize. On the other hand, the overweight woman is likely to have greater strength, and has what is effectively a motorised battering ram to try to knock the gentleman off balance. Unless the mathematician can get the element of surprise, I'm inclined to say the woman will be the one dining well tonight.

Alpha Hatsuseno (Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou) vs Akari Mizunashi (Aria)

280 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 11:27

They are girlfriends...

September 9999 vs September 10000

281 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:20

10000 has more digits, but that makes them less dextrous. With fewer fingers, 9999 strikes swiftly and has the upper hand.

>>282 vs >>283

282 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 12:53

Obviously me. That other nerd doesn't even exist yet.

>>282 vs >>283.

283 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 15:45

I think you've got this, mate

The Easter Bunny vs the Moon Rabbit.

284 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 16:29

The Moon Rabbit would pound the Easter Bunny's ass like it was nothing

100 Italians or 70 Russians? The battle must take place on neutral ground.

285 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10062 23:55

The Russians, no contest. It would be a bloodbath.

Reimu Hakurei vs Marisa Kirisame vs Sakuya Izayoi vs Youmu Konpaku vs Sanae Kochiya.

286 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10067 23:18

I don't know any of those characters so the winner would be (rolls d6) Youmu Konpaku through clever use of a digital watch.

A shooting hobo vs. a stabbing hobo, both starting out hidden.

287 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 00:29

Since you never bring a knife to a gunfight, the stabbing hobo has the element of surprise and wins.

Slavoj Žižek vs Plato

288 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 01:13

Plato, as he was a wrestler and Zizek can barely breathe.

The Hamburgler vs Moon Man

289 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10068 19:53

It's a good time for the great taste - dinner! At McDonald's, it's Mac Tonight!

Peep-flavored Pepsi vs Coca-Cola Clear

290 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10070 21:55

If mixed together, the Pepsi would presumably overpower the Coca-Cola in terms of both taste and colour. Does that count as winning a fight? I don't know, but let's say yes.

A colossal squid vs a great white shark. Fight takes place on land.

291 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10070 23:39

The squid is likely to have server structural damage from the difference in pressure from its native habitat. Great shark wins by surviving longer, perhaps even enough to flop back into the ocean.

briefs vs long johns

292 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10071 01:39

Long johns have the length, but briefs have the strength... it's almost a hard tie, but I say long johns
micheal jackson vs elvis

293 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10072 12:27

Presley spent two years serving in the US army, was apparently quite skilled in karate, and was not shy about using amphetamines to supplement his physical abilities. Jackson, meanwhile, as far as I can tell had no fighting experience of any sort, and was known to have quite a weak constitution. I reckon this would be an easy win for Elvis.

As an aside, while looking up stuff for this answer, I found out that Michael Jackson was briefly married to Elvis Presley's daughter, which I did not know.

EVA unit 01 vs the ender dragon from Minecraft. Assume the EVA is not connected to power and has only its internal battery. The fight takes place on the end island with all crystals active.

294 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10093 01:34

>>293 I will say the minecraft guy wins

>>295 confucius quotes versus buddha quotes?


295 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10093 16:41

I googled and here were the top 3 results for each:

*Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you.
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.*

*Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.*

Confucius sounds like a real pussy, whereas Buddha sounds kinda like a bad-ass martial artist. Buddha quotes are the obvious winner.

Kirby from Smash 64 VS Bayonetta from Smash 4

296 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10098 11:10

Kirby would do that thing where he inhales his enemy and then spits them out under the stage so they can't get back up again. Bayonetta would fall, helpless, into the void.

Maiden in Black (Demon's Souls) vs Emerald Herald (Dark Souls II) vs Fire Keeper (Dark Souls III) vs the Doll (Bloodborne)

297 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 12:34

First things first, the Fire Keeper has no eyes by default, and the Doll is inanimate unless you have at least one insight (which the other three presumably do not), so they're both functionally out of the fight. Physically, the Emerald Herald looks to be in much better shape -- the Maiden in Black is frail and leans on a wooden staff -- however the Maiden has a demon inside her(?) and can exert enough power over the Old One to send it to sleep, so she almost certainly has some sort of weird bullshit power she could bring out if she needed to. I reckon the Maiden would win.

Howl (Howl's Moving Castle) vs Haku (Spirited Away, in dragon form)

298 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 20:01

I have a soft spot for bishonen, so Howl.

Siri vs Cortana vs Clippy vs Bonzi Boddy vs ELIZA?

299 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10207 11:25

Clippy is (as far as I know?) the only one of these who actually harasses you unprompted, rather than just responding to user commands. This initiative will give him the upper hand, allowing him victory.

The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (as they were at their height, assume their magic is actually functional) vs Golden Dawn (Greek neo-Nazi organisation)

300 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10239 13:55

Golden Dawn has actually murdered people, whereas the magic golden dawn doesnt look that dangerous and kinda geeky honestly, so the Nazis, easily.

Chris-Chan vs Jonty Bravery (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50692100)

301 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10239 21:28

Bravery has attempted murder and, based on actions and quotes, comes across as genuinely psychopathic. Chandler is clearly seriously mentally ill, but doesn't seem particularly cruel or violent. I would be inclined to give it to Bravery.

Antlion guard (Half Life 2) vs Vordt of the Boreal Valley (Dark Souls III)

302 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10334 23:02

The antlion guard has 500 HP, whereas Vordt of the Boreal Valley has 1328 HP (according to their respective wikis) and a significant size and mobility advantage... But Vordt also has silly segmented armor, and loses by virtue of inelegance!

Konpaku Youmu's ghost half (Touhou Project) vs. Cumsprite (Oglaf)

303 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10334 23:56

Youmu, by the virtues of (A) being Touhou and (B) not being Oglaf (faggot).

Your landlord or some tweaker you paid $500

304 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 00:19

Some tweaker I paid $500.
I know because I've tested this in real life, only with a tweaker I paid $20. If a $20 tweaker can beat my landlord, I'm sure a $500 tweaker will be 25 times as potent.

The soft squish poster from SAoVQ vs. a girl with no squish whatesoever to speak of

305 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 11:03

Girl with no squish. Look me in the eye and tell me you think a person who has an identity around posting "soft squish" on an obscure internet forum would not instantly faint if any real life girl looked at him for more than three seconds.

You vs your most recent ex, both armed with rapiers. Fight takes place on a cliff edge in the middle of a storm.

306 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 13:47

I would win because my ex doesn't exist and therefore has no arm with which to swing their rapier, giving me the clear advantage.

japanese old boy vs Golgomois

307 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 14:05

I win by default.

A man with diarrhea vs a masturbation addict over the last empty stall in a bathroom.

308 Name: vc: shett : 1993-09-10335 16:02

The man with diarrhea can use his own shit for propulsion, but the addict can use his cum aswell. I'd say they'd both get in at the same time, and the addict would cum all over the other's shit.

A nile crocodile vs Sailor Jupiter

309 Name: (Θc_Θ¬ミ : 1993-09-10335 16:20

A man with diarrhea, because masturbation addict would rather masturbate in public anyway.

Depends on a genre.

C++ vs C#

310 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 21:22

C++ swings its ++ like a sword. C# brings its # up to block, but too slow! C++ wins.

Kobolds vs goblins

311 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 22:04

Kobold is cut apart by paladin who carries goblin around as portable onahole.

Crocodile vs. Crocs-branded plastic sandal

312 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10336 00:15

A crocodile would have a very easy time defeating the Croc brand sandal. However I've run this simulation 1000 times and in 3 of those the crocodile suffocated on the sandal and died leading to a no contest.


Crunch vs crisp

313 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10337 13:27

The crisp is crunched.

A weeaboo vs a TTRPG nerd.

314 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10340 02:57

Weeaboo brings out his Samurai sword, unfortunately he has little practice and in his attempt to show off by spinning the sword around he accidentally cuts into his leg. The TTRPG nerd didn't even finish his strength roll.

A chicken vs a woman.

315 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10433 21:50

Chickens can be pretty vicious, for sure, but their beaks and claws are too small to do any lethal damage to a human. The woman, meanwhile, could pretty easily grab the chicken by the neck and strangle it or smash its head against a rock, without it having much opportunity to fight back.

Ornstein vs Smough

316 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 00:19

Smough. He's only two letters away from though.
Thoughers always win

317 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 10:43

A lesbian (homosexual woman) vs a Lesbian (resident of the island of Lesbos)

318 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 15:44

neither, the vibrator
300 chihuahuas or one tiger

319 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 20:15

Tigers are ambush predators specialised for taking down singular, large animals, so the tiger would be somewhat out of its comfort zone here. On the other hand, chihuahuas, while very vocal, are not remotely trained or bred for violence. I could well imagine the tiger running out of stamina, but I couldn't imagine the chihuahuas effectively capitalising on this weakness -- even against an incapacitated tiger, they would have difficulty landing any kind of killing blow. I would be inclined to give it to the tiger.

You armed with a glaive (or other polearm of your choice) vs an alligator.

320 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 20:39

The alligator. I'm a fucking PUSSY!

Audiobook vs Keyboard

321 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 21:33

keyboard. im a keyboard warrior
wojak versus pepe

322 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10435 16:17

Wojak has survived and morphed to this day, and has become very popular from its humble origins as a krautchan meme. Pepe has mostly faded and Apu and the one with no neck with the wine glass have become more popular than it. Wojak would outlast Pepe in a fight.
Albania vs North Macedonia vs Greece

323 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10435 23:25

The Balkan Empire is all that remains in the end.

Atlantis vs the Mu Continent

324 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10437 16:09

Nobody's heard of the Mu continent, so they have the element of surprise and win.

Father Dougal McGuire (Father Ted) vs Alice Tinker (The Vicar of Dibley)

325 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10466 10:21

Sailor Jupiter. Send a lightning bolt in the croc swamp and zap them to death.

326 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10466 22:35

They are both overwhelmingly more likely to accidentally injure themselves in some wacky slapstick fashion than they are to injure one another. I suspect the result would be a draw, or at best one might win by default if the other messes up badly enough.

Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Rei Ayanami (The Rei's Diner)

327 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 16:20

My bets would be on Rei Ayanami.

Jules Verne's dinosaurs hiding inside the Earth vs Nazi dignitaries hiding inside the Earth

328 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 17:31

Dinosaurs, no contest. Nazi artillery/tanks (if the dignitaries even have them) would be at a tremendous disadvantage given the underground terrain and lack of lighting, while lighter weaponry would do little against the thick hide of a voracious T-rex.

Fox vs swan

329 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 00:02

Fox, it is a better predator.

Astolfo vs Bridget

330 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 08:30

>>329 Bridget would probably whap out his massive cock and smack Astolfo about the face, causing instant death.

>>331 Rishi Sunak vs Liz Truss

331 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 11:40

Whoever wins, we lose.

Alien vs. Predator

332 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10580 13:08

Predator, until Alien glitches the thermal sights.
Excalibur vs Masamune

333 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10591 11:35

Masamune would snap excalibur like a twig.

Person with anorexia vs person with morbid obesity.

334 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10591 18:43

Obesity Man beats Anorexia Man in strength and defense but Anorexia man has the upper hand in speed and evasion over Obesity Man. A coin flip I guess?

Morrissey vs. Robert Smith

335 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10600 10:43

Briefly glancing over their respective Wikipedia articles, Smith's mentions him getting beaten up as a kid whereas Morissey's does not, so I'll go with Morissey.

Love vs fear

336 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10621 18:36

Fear will just run away and forfeit the fight.

Blind man armed with a sword vs unarmed Average Joe

337 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10622 10:51

Have you ever read Shigurui? The blind man, no contest.

An elephant vs an unarmed man

338 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10623 02:08

The unarmed man simply does a Dark Souls dodge roll when the elephant telegraphs its wind up attack and then takes advantage of the iframes to quickly counter with an R1 to the elephant's trunk, killing it instantly.

A blind man with swords for arms vs a regular guy with a sword

339 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10623 19:02

I don't think having an additional sword is going to be enough of an advantage to outweigh the disadvantage of being blind, especially given having swords instead of arms, rather than in one's hand, would substantially reduce your reach.

You vs a Mr. Mime.

340 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10757 22:37

Mr. Mime only exists inside the computer. By contrast, I only exist in front of the computer... Stalemate!

Ranch vs Cool Ranch

341 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10757 23:45

>>340 ...R-R-Ranch?

>>342 My face vs. >>340's gun in my face

342 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10758 12:36

You stupid bitch. You stupid fucking bitch. I can't believe how dumb you are. Jesus Christ, I can't believe how fucking dumb you are. You're the dumbest motherfuck-

You on a hang glider armed with a machine gun vs a giant dragonfly approximately the size of a light aircraft. You automatically lose the fight if you land on the ground, but have enough height/thermals to stay airborne for at least ten minutes. Assume you are strapped to the hang glider such that you can use both hands for the machine gun (but cannot steer at the same time).

343 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10758 12:44

Clever manoeuvering and sustained machine-gun fire should make quick work of the beast... It would be more interesting however to try to capture it alive, to see if the mechanism of its wings could be transferred to mechanical ornithopters.

Cute girl vs cute boy

344 Name: sage : 1993-09-10758 13:01

I'm with Allah cause he chose me, broke into the Vatican strangled the Pope with his rosary

345 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10758 13:14

Obviously the cute girl. Have you seen how much combat experience she has?

Yoshinoya veteran vs guy on the opposite side of the U-shaped table.

346 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10775 18:53

>>345 Which one has the most experience with Japanese police. I'm betting on that guy, because they know how to force a criminal confessional out of an innocent person.

Sheyllna Ampat VS Myranda Didovic

347 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10779 20:21

There are no winners here.

>>344 armed only with a rosary and Allah's blessing vs Pope Francis and his cardinals.

348 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10780 07:50

Pope Francis would be raped and slaughtered easily

Robin Williams vs some spare rope

349 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10780 17:00

Historically it appears the rope won that particular confrontation.

Wizard vs cleric

350 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10786 16:38

>>349 The wizard has a more eclectic selection of spells and is not bound to the same standard of morals as a cleric. While the cleric may sometimes have the power of a god on his side, it's not necessarily going to be a powerful god, and the pure Stirnerite egoism inherent to a high-level wizard is hard to overcome. I'm handing this one to the wizard.

>>351 Virtual Youtuber vs Physical Twitcher

351 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10790 00:23

Depends on who has the most vapid porn addict zombie followers on only fans. If she’s a woman with tits, I’m handing it to the twitch streamer.

Lolis vs FBI

352 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10790 05:55

Let's be real, the elden meme was true: There are no girls on the Internet. Only the FBI in disguise. And the Deep State has a Deep Monopoly on Deep Violence anyhow.

Neckbeard who has actually read Lolita vs. neckbeard with a concerningly large loli folder but nothing technically illegal

353 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10790 13:32

Lolifolder-beard's brain has been reduced to mush from endless masturbation but he has a strong left arm. Lolita-beard's brain is in a much better state thanks to his literary forays but he lacks physical strength. I'm going to give this to Lolita-beard because, as we all know, brains beat brawn.

( ゚ ヮ゚) vs (´<_`  )

354 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10790 13:58

One look in (´<_`  )'s eyes is enough to tell you he has lost every fight he's ever been in, and this will be no exception. Even with ( ゚ ヮ゚)'s punches being padded by the mittens she's wearing, she has the unquenchable motivation and perseverance to come out on top.

Diablo (Diablo) vs Satan (The Binding of Isaac) vs Cyberdemon (Doom)

355 Name: (´<_`  ) : 1993-09-10791 12:07

Satan will shoot the Cyberdemon until it dies. Diablo will then wipe the floor with him because if some pussy kid can kill Satan with his tears, Diablo sure as hell can.

YHVH (Shin Megami Tensei) vs God (Silent Hill) vs Deus (Xenogears)

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