>>373
I was going to play KOLM II but it told me to play KOLM I first so I played Freeway Fury 2 instead.
A brief opening comic-style cinematic explains the protagonist's motivation. An impatient athletic commuter stuck in traffic is overtaken by Fury. He punches his way out of his car and begins leaping from vehicle to vehicle -- to escape what turns out to be surprisingly light traffic. The moment our road-raging anti-hero crashes through a windshield, rather than swerve out of control and crash, the vehicle actually continues in a straight line, and even begins to speed up. Some sort of mysterious power awards him with "nitro" for these violent invasions of private property.
Not only can this madman leap ridiculously long distances and instantly take control of any vehicle, he is also gifted with control over time itself. Truly this man's fury has gone beyond any mortal road rage, and entered the realm of the occult. He has clearly traded his life for the unholy ability to slow time. And so he proceeds, remorselessly smashing and leaping, destroying all cars in his path. The bloodshed only feeds his strength.
But at the end of it all, when the hero has crossed the finish line and arrived at his terminus, perhaps he will begin to reflect. As his demonic road-rage subsides, he will slowly being to realize the consequences of his actions. When he closes his eyes he will see broken skulls, lifeless eyes, motherless children, childless mothers. Was the havoc he wreaked worth the few precious minutes he spared? All those lives lost, families destroyed, commuters inconvenienced? But it is too late for repentance. His soul is forever lost. He is beyond forgiveness, doomed to a Sisyphean life of ceaseless freeway destruction.
Apparently some sort of boss appears after completing all possible routes, but I quit after completing the main route. I can only assume that the "boss" is the protagonist forced to confront his inner demons. Overwhelmed by the monster he's become, he is faced with the choice of harnessing the last bit of humanity left deep inside of him to destroy himself, or fully completing his transformation into a Chaos God.
>>375
Reply to five different threads in /love/ with esoteric advice.
>>374
Okay then:
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1319120416/20
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1318968831/11
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1321350138/6
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1223204821/48
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1310938293/10
>>376
I demand that you give a detailed account of the worst physical injury you have ever received.
>>375
I was at daycare. We were outside, where the caretakers wouldn't have to be fucked to keep us entertained. Two of my pals were sitting on either end of the teeter-totter.
"Come play with us, ( ˃ ヮ˂)!"
But there are only two seats on the teeter-totter... where was I to sit? And that's when I proved that I am DQN. I decided, "I'll just sit in the middle! It won't be comfortable, but at least I'll be in the good company of my chums!"
So I ran. And I tripped. And, with my mouth open, my two front teeth in my upper gums were driven deep within my mouth on the cold, taunting steel of the teeter-totter. My teeth were now lodged in the depths of gums, and I was reduced to a mess of blood and screams. My friends and I panicked and the teachers called my mother.
>>376
Do you like teeter-totters? Tell me, >>376. Describe how you feel about teeter-totters.
Well >>376, I guess you're talking to me and not yourself but I will ask, has that given you a phobia about teeter-totters in the rest of your life? We call them "seesaws" here. I guess I like them though I've never spent much time on one. I used to have this plastic all-in-one kind of seesaw when i was really wee, but I rarely played on it. I often filled it up with water though, there was a hole in the bottom I'd stick the garden hose in. One time I stuck it in, and hanked it so it stayed inside it filling it up with water. Then my mum called me in for dinner, so I left it and went and sat at the table to eat my dinner. After a few minutes there was a sudden loud crack as the hose hit the window and sprayed water everywhere as it did the kind of dance that only garden hoses spraying water with some force can do. I shat myself.
>>378 what is your favourite condiment?
>>379
I played Popotan when I was 19. It was in Japanese, so I kind of loitered around hoping for the best. It was pretty cute. I enjoyed the idea of me being closer to characters of Caramelldansen than most of the nerds who visited that certain flash board.
>>381
Judge >>379 for his choice of music and make >>378 change his mind in favour of All Alone for Christmas (pmix) by Captain Obvious. It might be obvious for us, but it will certainly take commoners by surprise.
>>380 okay
>>379 It's a good song but Bach is too damn obvious. >>378 should instead go with captain obvious. A Bach prelude in a DJ set is just gonna make people sigh and shake their heads, but All Alone for Christmas is not only appropriate considering the situation, but will give those uncultured swine a real taste of our finely-honed traditional music. Also as a user of DQN it is your duty and refusing to comply will mean that we'll always recognize >>378 as a traitor, a plebeian and a no-good scallywag.
>>382 Marathon no less than 5 films where Nicolas Cage plays the lead role and tell us the impact this had on your fragile psyche.
>>382
I lived for 15 years with a father who suffered early-onset dementia. It's part of the reason I can be so cold and detached as to feel zero remorse for any act of questionable morality. Also, I took on his degenerative, solitary behavior to the point where I've become a hikikomori.
>>384
Commit a random act of generosity in your MMO of choice by gifting a valuable item or appreciable amount of currency.
I went in to the central square in tinierme and gave away nice items of clothing to people hanging about and now my heart feels warm
>>385 Give me a phrase to spell out with my tongue on my girlfriend's pussy tomorrow nigt.
Solenoid Robots: Mmm! Buzz! Click! Buzz! Click! When we trap Roger Mmm! Buzz! Click! Buzz! Click! Buzz! Click! Ramjet, we are now rulers. Buzz! Click! Buzz! Click!
>>389, tell us what's in your pockets.
>>390
I know who you are and this is more than you deserve.
http://i.imgur.com/7AlHX.jpg
>>392
Draw me a picture of Patchouli from Touhou project wearing a Santa hat and a santa suit, please~
>>395
I believe in killing rats. They've plagued us for countless generations and for the first time in our history we are presented with technology that may at last end the menace: genetic engineering, a century of biological weapons research, and Ron Paul with an honest chance at the Republican nomination. This will free us from all the harmful regulation that has stopped us from pursuing my ultimate goal. RON FUCKING PAUL: FOR A RAT-FREE FUTURE.
>>397
Draw me a rat celebrating its last miserable Christmas in our bright new future!
>>396
One valiant rat making his last futile Christmas stand.
http://i.imgur.com/MaLFV.png
>>398
Buy yourself a Christmas present under $5 and tell us what you got.
>>398 http://rigelseven.com/dqn/All%20Alone%20For%20Christmas%20(As%20Usual)%20~Parked%20mix~%20-%20dqn-kun.mp3
>>400
Get 400GET in an original way.
>>399 http://vocaroo.com/?media=vXBmye1KciGVDISYL
>>401 Get in the swing, pal!
>>406
I have never listened to Iron Maiden and likely never will, therefore I will tell you my favourite Shrine Maiden song. By which I mean Project Shrine Maiden. By which I mean Touhou. Anyway, it's "Bloom Nobly, Ink-black Cherry Blossoms ~ Border of Life". Can't go wrong with a name like that.
>>408
I demand that you post your favourite piece of punctuation and why you like it.
>>410 I had a shrine at my old flat to my ex girlfriend, it had a fair bunch of her hairs and some of her makeup she left and hair bobbles and the tights i ripped off her the night i met her and pictures of her and a couple of her tampons and blood stained tissue papers and cans she'd drank from. There was a photo of her tampon right here on /dqn/ somewhere that i posted after i licked it the first time (it took some courage to finally do it cos i'd thought about it for a long time but I'm glad i did, it tasted nice)
>>411 give us the 411 on the situation in your bowels right now!
>>412
Mister Kibble whistled tunelessly as he carefully attached seventeen Happy Pins to his corduroy vest. The vest was already vested with 183 such joyous proclamations, with phrases like "SMILE HAPPY!" and "LET'S FUN!" Not one of them was without an exclamation point. Yesterday had been a slow day, Mister Kibble reflected, but it was important to always replenish the Happiness. You never knew when you might need to give out all 200 pins in one day!
Satisfied with his pinnage, Mister Kibble pulled on the vest, strapped on his Balloon Belt, donned his Happy Hat, and began his greeting practice. "Hello, how are you? No, too aggressive. Hello, how are you? Too creepy. Hello, how are you? There we go. How are you? How are you? Hello! You! How are you? You look happy today! I think you deserve a Happy Pin!" Satisfied, Mister Kibble double checked his supplies one last time and bravely stepped out into the cold gray morning.
Marco stared nervously without hunger at his apple pie. As the waitress walked past she glanced at the uneaten morsel but said nothing. Marco wondered if she saw him shaking. He felt like he was shaking but wasn't sure. Marco was trying to avoid looking at the door but couldn't help watching it in his peripheral vision.
The door swung open and the bell rang. Marco involuntarily jumped in his seat. He felt like he was sweating. A large figure stepped through the door and said, "Morning, Nancy! How's the Happiness today?" Marco stared meaningfully at his pie. It did not give him an appetite. Out of the corner his eye, he saw that the big man was coming his way. Shit. He knew it. Big Nate was fed up with Marco and had sent somebody to do the dirty work. This was it. This Applebee's would be his graveyard.
The large man slowly sidled up and loomed over Marco's table. Marco slowly turned his gaze from the pie to the giant's deadly smiling face. "Hello, how are you?" asked Mister Kibbles. Marco simply stared, his wide eyes filled with mortal fear. "You look a little down, so let's turn that frown upside-down!" Mister Kibbles right hand began to reach down and back toward his Balloon Belt. Marco's eyes carefully followed the hand's trajectory, then suddenly leaped up onto his seat and backed up into the corner, cowering in fright.
"No, please! No!" he cried. Everybody in the diner turned and stared. The quiet murmur of cursory conversation died. "Please! Take anything! Just not my life!" But Mister Kibbles did not blink. Without any change in his demeanor, he pulled out a gun from the back of his Balloon Belt.
"This oughta cheer you up," he said with a wide smile on his face, pressing the barrel against Marco's sweat-soaked forehead. Marco swallowed. The waitress gasped. Coffee went unpoured. Pie went uneaten. Mister Kibbles pulled the trigger.
Marco's brains painted the wall. His corpse slowly sunk down into the booth, no longer shaking with fear. Mister Kibbles took a pin that said "HAPPY DAY!" off his corduroy vest and attached it to Marco's sweater.
"Have a nice day!" Mister Kibbles said, tipping his Happy Hat. He turned to face the diner, whose patrons were staring in shock. "Who wants a balloon animal?"
>>414
Rewrite my story.
>>413
It's been a slow day for Mister Kibble. Mister Kibble, known for his protection of Happiness, had only managed to protect Happiness 17 times. It was hopeless. But tomorrow will be different, Kibble murmurs in his sleep. Tomorrow will be different.
As Mister Kibble wakes up, he decided to restock his supply of Happiness. You see, Kibble's vest has room for 200 Happy Pins. Yesterday's events left this at 183. With his mission to make today a great day, he decided that he'd need all 200 of them. Making sure to have an even distribution between "SMILE HAPPY!" and "LET'S FUN!" pins, he replenished the stock on his vest. After seconds of silence, he practiced his ritual of Happiness. As he uttered the phrase "Hello, how are you!?" several dozen times, he realized that today's Happiness will be good enough to make it work.
Meet Marco. This fine morning, Marco was eating apple pie. Or trying to, at least. Marco's appetite wasn't good enough to eat, upsetting the waitress. Marco's only center of focus was the door, waiting for whatever would come on.
Mere moments later, Mister Kibble rang the bell and ran through the door, destroying it in the process. The concept of doors simply wasn't Happy enough for him. "Hey, Nancy, today will be a great day for Happiness!" Nancy shook her head at the idea of having to replace the door.
Mister Kibble looked around the Applebees, looking for their famous apple bees. He didn't find any. This enraged Mister Kibble into a state of Happiness. Marco didn't appreciate Happiness at the moment; after all, he still had some apple pie in front of him without having enough hunger to eat. It's the worst predictment that one can be in. So close to perfect Happiness, yet so incredibly far away. It makes one incredibly unhappy at the sheer thought.
As Mister Kibble noticed the perfect Happiness being left alone by one in a sheer state of Unhappiness, Mister Kibble knew he had to do something. He'd have to interject for a moment. This was his moment. His day hadn't even started yet and he was already close to failing his mission for the second day in a row.
Mister Kibble charged at Marco, gaining Marco's complete attention in the process. Mister Kibble said his stock catchphrase of "Hello, how are you!?" several dozen times, capturing the attention of everyone in the immediate vicinity. "You look a little down, so let's turn that frown upside-down!", he uttered. This was Kibble's moment of complete Happiness protection. Looking for his Balloon Belt, Mister Kibble accidently touched his spare toy gun, dropping it in the process. As the entire crowd looked at it, they ran away, driving Mister Kibble to complete desperation.
Fortuanetely, Mister Kibble noticed the apple pie and ate it all in one big gulp. Yummy! The delicious apple pie revitalized Mister Kibble. However, Marco was scared. The idea of having his apple pie eaten by somebody with a toy gun wasn't his cup of tea. Marco leaped up on his seat and backed into the corner, cowering in fright, awaiting what would happen next.
Mister Kibble was clearly preparing a speech of some kind. Mere seconds later, Mister Kibble proclaimed "Ah, apple pie. Without this pie, my day would've been ruined. But even with, we have here an typical example of that which cannot be saved. That which cannot be helped. That which cannot be healed. That which cannot be nurtured. That which cannot even eat his apple pie anymore. That without hunger. That without happy pins. That without Happiness. The complete opposite of what one can possibly stand for. There is only one solution, and you aren't a part of it."
As Marco tried to say something, Mister Kibble interrupted him and went on with his speech. "Color is the prime way to express Happiness. A human contains lots of color; any pie does this as well. Life in general is full of color. However, you don't seem to be so colorful at the moment. My duty calls here; it will express itself in mere seconds. Please wait."
(continued in >>415)
(continued from >>414)
Mere seconds later, Mister Kibble pulled out a gun very similar to his toy gun from his Balloon Belt, without even wincing once. "This is my duty, and you will not interfere with it", he said as he pushed the barrel against Marco's smiling forehead. The bar shaked in terror at the thought of what could happen next.
Mister Kibble pulled the trigger very, very slowly, causing Marco's forehead to turn into a puddle of sweat within seconds. The gun didn't go off; maybe it was another toy gun? Mister Kibble had seemingly prepared another speech for this moment. "You see, sometimes, not all desperation leads to the end of one's life. In some mere moments, you have been revitalized. I have a present for you; let me hand you it. Change your life after you receive this present, or something bad might happen." Mister Kibble took off a "HAPPY DAY!" pin from his vest and gave it to Marco.
The entire bar clapped as Mister Kibbles was slowly walking out of the door. Or rather, the location where a door would've been. The clapping stopped, angering Mister Kibbles and causing him to rush back into the bar.
"YOU HAVE ANGERED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! I AM THE PRIME DEFENDER OF HAPPINESS. YOU KNOW WHO I AM. YOU KNOW WHO I CAN BE. YOU KNOW WHAT NOT TO DO. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. YOU'RE NOT DOING IT. YOU'RE DOING THAT WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T. YOU SHALL EACH MEAT YOUR DOOM!", Mister Kibbles shouted. "But first, who wants a balloon animal?" As the crowd realized what was about to happen, they kept quiet. "Nobody... nobody? I can make you a dog, a cat, a lovely turtle or even an Espeon!" Still, he didn't receive a response. This was desperate; the entire bar with infected with Unhappiness. He knew that only one measure would work.
Mister Kibbles took a machine gun out of his pocket and shot everyone, followed by himself. With a full 199 happy pins remaining, his day had ended. This was his worst day yet. Even his Happy Hat fell off. The end.
>>416
Compare both versions of the story and indicate which one you prefer the most.
>>415 Hmm i liked the original better. As I was reading yours I thought "hmmm he is just re-writing the original in a slightly different way" but by the end I was thinking "hmmm i'm not really feeling this story at all". And then the Espeon reference made me shake my head and audibly tut. Reminds me of the people who would mention jaffa cakes to increase their chances of teletext fame. Poor show.
>>417
http://i.imgur.com/ZeXuz.png
>>419
Without necessarily, you know, bragging, tell us something about yourself that you're pretty proud of, or that you feel good about, so that we will also be proud of you and/or admire this thing about you.
>>420 I am not a danmaku otaku, so of course I never got past level 2.
>422 I demand that you tell me what your favorite sketch from "Monty Python's Flying Circus."
mustang cobra
>>426
Videotape yourself dancing to daddy cools rasputin song. Covering some/all parts of the body is acceptable unless a panda.
>>425
My most sincere apologies, but it appears that nobody on DQN is willing to do that and I don't really want to see this thread fall off the front page for several days/weeks again. Your demand will have to go unrequited but, alas, such is life. Besides which, who the hell uses videotapes these days?
>>427
I demand to know what happened in one of your recent dreams.
>>426
My last dream was really strange, after two sleepless nights, just before falling to a much-awaited sleep after 2 days of intense masturbation, I decided to read a not-so-good manga, "Tokyo Toybox". I'm not sure I've remembered all of it, but I spent all the night dreaming about it. It was about a lazy but genius game developer. Add to that the insane amount of hentai I saw the last 48 hours and you can imagine the mess it was.
>>428
I demand you make a random original ASCII art, possibly funny.
>>431 While looking for a download link I read the wikipedia article on it. Already excited, I then noticed at the bottom of the article a link to a review by the NME. "This should be good" I thought: http://www.nme.com/reviews/autechre/6602 Hahaha. The comments are funny too. Then I looked up the reviewer, Sarah Dempster, and found an article by the her for the guardian 3 years later talking about how she likes to dance around her bedroom to Queen and Phil Collins and The Very Best Of The Moody Blues, but she also sort of brags about her time at the NME "name-dropping german electro artists" and stuff.
I just laffed and laffed and shook my head, but now I am excited to listen to Gantz Graf EP in headphones. If the NME doesn't like it, that means it's probably interesting. OOOOH SICK BURN!
>>433 Hate on something which is an easy target.
>>433
http://www.tatsuya-koyama.com/software/wg002_genetos_eng.html
GENETOS
>>434
Link us to your favorite freeware game!
http://www.charliesgames.com/cactus/MondoAgencyFixed.zip
Express love for something most people find distasteful.
>>436 i'm not going to use an inferior operating system just cos some sap on /dqn/ tells me to!
>>438 rate my penis http://www.freeimagehosting.net/66a85
>>439
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3gHi9ZMlQ8
If you go through this guy's videos (specifically the "Episodes") quite a lot of the interpretations are mine. Unfortunately, anonymity and forgetfulness mean I can't quite say which ones...
>>441
Post a picture of something you are proud of (but not genitalia).
>>441
Uh huhuhuhuhuhu I gatz a gurlfrond and I gotz a faecbuk adn I amz popular with peoplz because eye gatz a social life dan I still fock bitches an shyt nigger. I'm betar dan everybody hear and I'll bitch about my problems becuse I'm a stupid piece of dog shit that needs to point out how much better I am than erybudy uh huhuhuhuhuhuh.
>>443
Do whatever you want.
>>448
The day after my girlfriend left I relieved my remaining sexual tension by spending the day masturbating. The fantasies included gangbanging another man's wife on her wedding day without her knowledge, fucking my ex-girlfriend on top of my tied-up girlfriend, and fucking an underage girl as her mother forces her into a threesome.
>>450
Motivate me for going back to work tomorrow.
>>451
http://i.imgur.com/Y7jE4.png
>>453
link to the first porn video you remember watching.
>>452 http://xhamster.com/movies/476375/bbw_roberta.html
>>454 don't worry about it
>>454
I wanna pilot a helicopter! Like, one of those huge military transport choppers I've seen on my Top Trumps cards! And once I get my hands on it, I'll customise it into a flying camper van and go on holidays wherever I want to without expensive plane tickets and hotel bookings!
>>456
Describe your favourite PC game.
>>455
That game has a bad end where your cousin dies and a good one where your bride gets shot during the wedding. After beating the game you can easily acquire a t-shirt with Statue of Liberty and commit suicide as a free man (in-game, on your own discretion), then uninstall the game and try to get over this depressive 'aftertaste' by getting drunk (AFK, on your own discretion).
>>457
What popular videogame I just spoiled? (Hint: it's a console port)
>>455
A ship you were sleeping on makes a narrow escape from a world destroyed but a religeous alien armada by making a blind jump through slipspace. Where they came out, they don't know. But after being followed by the armada you and your shipmates are forced to jump ship and crash land on a strange ringworld. The aliens follow you and seem to think they can use the secrets of this ringworld as a weapon. All you know is that you have to stop the aliens from unlocking secrets of the ringworld, as doing so would mean both the aliens, the Humans, and all life in the known Universe would become nothing more...than food.
Know what game I'm talking about?
>>457
Draw Giko on paper, take a photo, then post it.
>>457
Oi, mate! Someone gotsa hit f5 more often.
ttp://uploda.in/img/data/img10131.jpg
Here ya go. Tools: no-name notepad (apparently made in Germany), Faber-Castell pencil 1.0 B, Olympus E-P1 with Pancolar 1.8/50 MC lens (M42 screw thread).
>>459
>>456 still doesn't know what game he enjoyed playing. Help him out.
I don't actually own any consoles except for a Sega Master System, so I would say my favourite is 'The Ninja'. You play a dude wearing a blue vest and he chucks rice at ninjas to save the princess. Later you can upgrade to shuriken and this helpsin defending the large hordes of ninja who attack you.
>>461
Make a new thread on http://4-ch.net/love/
>>460
http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1326265053/
>>462
Post a question in my thread
>>468 We were 6 and used to hold hands in class, and she lived round the corner from me. This one time I stole a kiss right on her lips but she wasn't too impressed. I was obsessed with her till I was 13, I used to look out my window with my telescope to see if i could see her in her window but I never could. It wasn't till I was 11 that I learned she'd moved away when she was 8 cos she was getting bullied at school. It was news to me. She came back to the same high school as me when we were 13 and it made my heart flutter still if I saw her in the hall. I got to do the canadian barn dance with her at the xmas dance that year but she seemed disinterested. She randomly added me on facebook a couple of years ago and i found it rather funny, she's now your common variety fake-tanned wasted-at-weekends chubby tart. That said, it would be nice to bump into her sometime and see what she says.
Describe the girl of your dreams >>470
>>469
Shorter than I am, slim, cute face, short hair. Very sincere and kind. Not stupid, but not too cynical; she has a lot of hope for the world and dreams for herself. (Incidentally, I have a "wife," but it'd be best I not mention her. She's a minor character from Touhou.)
>>471
Tell us about one of your favorite experiences you've had with /dqn/, or something like that.
>>470 Well I love DQN to bits. I first discovered it about four and a half years ago when I stumbled across the Yoshinoya rant and wanted to find out where it came from, and the thread here came up on google. I can't think of any particular favourite experiences but I love the general feel of the place. I feel some sort of kinship with our small userbase, we must have some sort of connection in our way of thinking to come here and post. It's kinda fun too noticing different posters personalities and telling when they post - the rat-killing guy, the druggies, the kinky menstruation guy, and there was someone who used to post detailed descriptions about why various numbers were special but I haven't seen a post like that for ages....
I check here many times a day. I feel like I've learned a lot too - hmmm maybe "learn" is the wrong word but I've found lots of interesting stuff via the ctrl+v thread, the DQN Quality Videos thread and the Post Right Now thread. The latter is my favourite thread because I like to get an insight into what goes through your heads haha.
Actually, seeing those chewits arrive safely made me really happy, I've got a proper cheesy grin right now haha.
>>472 Hmmm bump the Yoshinoya thread I mentioned!
