Lame Confessional [LAME] [#2] (495)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7184 22:14

Last night I stayed with my girlfriend at her parents' house, and I dreamt that I was having sex with someone, and I could push a button and my sexual partner changed through different people, and I flicked through until it was a fat old granny, and I was pumping away then I woke up and realised I'd ejaculated in my girlfriend's parents' guest bed.

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7346 22:25

Whenever I see nonsense words, I have to read them backwards to see if they make any more sense that way.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7350 23:17

I made a sincere, corrective wikipedia edit.

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7366 16:52

I hold a lot of grudges; I'm just really bad at maintaining them.

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7366 21:42

>>70 http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f0/Map_swedish_lands.png

It does look like that. Too bad this is no longer a country.

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7366 21:43

I just put my hand under my laptop to warm it up.

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7367 02:13

For the longest time I thought she was "Rogue the Bat."

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7368 21:56

I'm still in middle school

78 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7368 21:59

I'm in my final year in middle school

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7369 01:56

>>76 she is kind of a "rogue", so it's understandable.

Related; my confession is that I still like Sonic Adventure 2.

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7374 05:06

I like to search for lesbian incest-themed pictures on pixiv and booru sites, especially mother-daughter. I do this at home on a computer nobody else uses, with the blinds closed.

81 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7390 20:25

I sometimes post kopipe on /a/

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7397 17:53

A few days ago I tried playing Runescape for the first time in many years. I used to play it an awful lot when I was younger, and came to be really rather good at it. I found that it has changed to an extraordinary extent (not surprising; it's been several years) but I somehow feel like I'm betraying my younger self by not being outraged at these changes. Actually, they were all pretty sensible and the greatest criticism I can give is that they make the game slightly too easy in some ways.

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7397 23:09

I'll continue gaming confessions. Personally, I believe that gaming is not lame but in certain situations it became so. OR well, the confessions themselves in this thread could be just lame like this one, right?

So, anyway, I just finished a good round in BF4 and after initial frustration I must report that the patch made this game a bit less stable but a bit better. Still close quarters encounters feel as if I'm against MLG PROs most of the time which is ridiculous. I could dominate other players easier in BF3, so it must have something to do with the new netcode and my webconnection.

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7399 08:21

My greatest internet legacy remains creating Lame Confessional #1

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7400 01:54

i like steering http://sageru.org/kareha.pl/823158365/ towards shota even though i'm not really into the whole shota thing.

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7400 12:02

I keep having recurring nightmares where I must repeat second grade.
Like if Billy Madison was a psychological horror flick.

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7413 01:36

I was disappointed when I realized that Adventure Call was just a spoof and not a real game show.

88 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7413 17:01

I smoked a cigarette once but I always tell people I never have.

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7418 15:24

I'm http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1368127055/458 but not http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1368127055/455

Someone was nice and I took credit for it.

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7429 11:55

I had a nightmare that you were all laughing and picking on me because I missed a 2 GET

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7430 00:23

Back when I had a Yahoo e-mail account, I would always flag Yahoo's promotional mailings with the "This is Spam" button.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7430 03:11

>>91
I did the same thing when I had Hotmail.

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7434 01:51

I'm a guy and I think lesbian porn is stupid and boring.

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7434 04:17

I'm a guy and I think faux lesbian porn is for guys afraid that seeing a penis might make them gay, or those that just publicly pretend to like it to affirm their straightness. Lame Confession: I know because I was the latter guy in the past.

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7434 04:46

i read my captcha as codeine...it wasnt codeine
i just really really want some codeine

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 18:02

I like making strangers laugh on imageboards.
Here's how it usually goes down:

  1. Lurk until I find an opportunity to make a joke.
  2. Think of a funny reply, and laugh about the idea for five minutes.
  3. Post it, and laugh for another five minutes.
  4. Somone replies to me with a reaction image, then I imagine that person laughing about my post and I laugh for ten minutes.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7436 01:27

>>93,94
I'm a guy and I think yuri is the pinnacle of beauty, and that little other human creation can even come close to competing; a good yuri manga can put me in a good mood all day, and it is one of the greatest tragedies of my life that none of the lesbians I've met in person have been anything like those found in most yuri related media.

On the other hand, I agree that lesbian porn is stupid and boring.

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7445 23:25

I still suck my thumb.

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 00:49

I totally bailed on a show with my best/only friend a couple nights ago because panic attacks are no fun. Don't mind me, just gonna go do my agoraphobe thang now.

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 09:59

I must admit that I like cute things a lot.

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 12:58

I used to get around the filters at school by looking at porn through google images and rubbing my pants, until one day the window I was looking at suddenly closed by itself. I assume someone in the office monitoring them closed it but I never heard anything about it

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 13:09

My mother bought me a pair of mittens because she knew I liked them. I was slightly disappointed that they were the convertible type (with flaps that go over the fingers) rather than purebreed mittens.

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7446 13:26

I can't find a man-sized pair of purebreed mittens and had to make do with the same kind that >>102 has.

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7449 16:30

I misread the cuniculus of Oryctolagus cuniculus as cunnilingus.

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7468 21:56

When I was a kid, I thought the word "penis" came from that it was for peeing through. I also don't remember if I confessed this somewhere on the thread before and I can't be arsed to check.

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7469 00:34

I still lurk DQN.

107 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7469 01:19

I egged some VIPPER on too much and accidentally ruined an OK thread. Sorry OP if you're reading this.

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7469 19:26

>>107

I'm the OP of that thread, and no worries, sir! I remade the thread better than ever.

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7487 18:37

I was going to steal some girl's unattended underwear from the laundrette, but then I noticed that there was a security camera in the corner and got scared and left.

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7488 14:23

I once saw a chick with a huge rack wearing a T-shirt that said "LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH" across her tits. I was tempted to ask her "Does that mean I can look all I want?" but I was too chicken to.

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7488 15:19

>>110 Shoulda gone for it. Chicks dig that kind of cockiness.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7488 17:34

>>110 That makes me think of a girl I met. Her shirt said "Hello. I am ^ up here" She really needed it.

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7494 19:22

Whenever I see the word "Turducken" my mind wands to split it up as "turd-ucken".

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7495 01:25

I care more about the hibernating butterfly on my windowsill than about any real life people I know. If it doesn't wake up in spring, I shall be extremely distraught.

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7509 21:56

When I see something prefaced with "the truth about..." I mentally prepare myself for it to be a pack of lies.

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7510 09:59

I was really tired when I woke up this morning, and I thought "Oh no! I must have forgotten that it's daylight saving's time, and now I've had an hour's less sleep! But it wasn't daylight savings. I just wanted more sleep, as usual.

117 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7510 15:57

>>113
I say it as "turd ducken"

118 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 17:11

I still find myself beginning to type "iichan" in my browser's address bar sometimes.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 17:55

>>115
The truth about things prefaced with "the truth about" is that they're all packs of lies.

(´・ω:;.:...

120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 18:33

I watched the entirety of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98T985W1azM. I loved every second of it.

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7512 19:12

>>120
Got to admit those are some pretty pro moves, though I ended up pausing around the 7 and a half minute mark.

122 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7513 12:28

I saw a link to "The Thing with the Quivering Jaw" on that Yume Nikki wiki and thought for a moment it said "The Thing with the Quivering Jew".

123 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7525 00:40

*You know me so well, I'm going through hell
Won't you please, follow me?*

When I heard these lyrics without looking at the text, I heard it as "I'm going TO hell" and thought they were pretty poignant lines. I don't like the real ones quite as well.

124 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7525 04:23

>>123
I have experienced the same symptom, when I first looked up the lyrics for Pink Floyd's ``One of These Days''. It got so bad for me that I intentionally started listening to music in languages I couldn't understand. That way I can listen to singers with nice voices and imagine the words are better than they probably are.

The downside is that the names of artists and albums all run together after a while, so I can't remember what I actually liked and re-listen to it.

125 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7525 04:49

>>124
But then you might listen to a song about some trolls (the D&D kind) beating the shit out of a couple of gay priests in a sauna until the building collapses, and never even realize it.

126 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7525 10:37

>>123-125
For the longest time I had a hypothesis that popularity of J-Pop, J-Rock, their Scandinavian alternatives (and the rest) in foreign countries stems from the fact that those listeners are unlikely to understand the lyrics, no matter how awkward or annoying they are.

127 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7525 15:26

>>118
(´･ω･) Don't worry. It'll be back up in two weeks.

128 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7525 16:02

Whenever I've just finished cooking and the hob is still hot, I rinse my hand or a wooden spoon or whatever happens to be at hand and dramatically spray the hob with drops of water, creating a hissing noise and a puff of steam. While doing this I like to pretend to be a wizard, casting spells on things.

129 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7537 16:55

Sometimes I think I'm the only person who thinks that Half-Life sucked.

130 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7538 01:58

>>125
Better to have experienced such a thing and not known it than to have never experienced it at all.

131 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7538 15:14

>>128

  1. Cook something really steamy like pasta, or just boil the kettle
  2. Grab a ladle and stand at the other side of the room
  3. Wave the ladle around like you're throwing it at the steam
  4. Enjoy your new powers

132 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7540 00:43

Some dork with a clipboard intercepted me on the way to lunch to ask me if I'd help stop gay bullying. When I asked if he meant stopping gays from bullying everyone else, he got confused and I went and got lunch.

133 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7540 03:19

>>130
Knock yourself out, then:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRVMptEjbBk

...what? You thought I was just making up an absurd example? (Ok, so I guess I inferred the "gay" part rather than it being said explicitly, but otherwise, yeah...)

134 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7540 12:15

>>130
Impressive. If I didn't know the contents, I would have considered that unimpressive. With context, it was somewhat entertaining. I had no idea that Folk Metal was a genre.

135 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7540 20:52

>>138
I once got bullied by a gay guy in middle school and he wouldn't stop trying to touch my body.

I'm glad that I wasn't raped.

136 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7541 13:13

Tasting Faygo is still on my list of things to do before I die even though I'm not a Juggalo or even that much of a fan of the Insane Clown Posse.

(I do kind of like ICP just because they make me laugh, though, which I suppose is a lame confession in and of itself.)

137 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7562 03:36

yesterday i put a brand new, clean toothbrush in my vagina to see what it would feel like. i cleaned it off afterwards. today i might do the same thing again.

138 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7639 13:09

Sometimes I like to split the word "warthog" as "War Thog" when I read it, and imagine an orclike creature geared for battle.

139 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7639 19:27

>>136
Faygo is nothing special. In the Detroit area it's just a brand of inexpensive soft drinks that the supermarkets sell.

I have a different problem. I'm stuck in Michigan for the foreseeable future and I crave birch beer. Birch beer is a soft drink manufactured and sold only in Delaware, New Jersey, and eastern Pennsylvania. It's sort of like root beer but less sweet, with a stronger, sharper flavor that has overtones of ginger and mint.

140 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7639 20:16

Interned at Kass, Shuler Law Firm for a year. Direct experience with scheduling litigations/court dates, file work (on and off the computer), and assitant work.

141 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7644 12:44

Whenever I read a description of a woman's hair as being in ringlets, I always imagine it as being in ringlets.

142 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7644 18:17

>>137
So? How did it feel? I would imagine you wouldn't feel much.

143 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7644 22:06

>>136
I am not a juggalo and I don't live anywhere near detroit(like 4-5 states away), but faygo is excelent. I drank a faygo redpop once and it was life-changing.

144 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7645 12:08

I'm eating hot dogs with ketchup on them for breakfast.
Where does the whole "never put ketchup on a hot dog" thing come from, anyway?

145 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7645 20:20

>>144
It comes from the fact that ketchup on a hot dog is disgusting. Mustard, absolutely. Onions, sure. Relish is good too. But ketchup?

146 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7646 04:27

>>143
In southeast Michigan, the REAL "ghetto" soft drink is a brand called Towne Club. That and cheap store-brand/generic Kool-Ade.

147 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7647 00:53

I still prefer "same fag" over "jisaku jien".

148 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7647 22:18

>>144 I have never heard of this...
>>145 what??
>>147 I distance myself from all those -fag terms used on imageboards (newfag, samefag, tripfag etc.) because I always picture it coming from those kind of people who think they're really edgy being part of the 4chan club, using other offensive terms just to sound hard or something. And while I sort of agree, that words are just arranged sounds, and that any meanings or offence found in them comes from within the person hearing them, it just seems immature to use them so lightly.

149 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7652 17:03

>>148 distancefag

150 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7664 01:54

>>142
It was really bristly and pokey and kinda hurt the side of my vag, lol. I have a relatively small vag, I think. I couldn't really maneuver it in there as well as I thought I would be able to. I guess it felt about how I would have expected.

151 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7666 03:43

I used to think that Lo Wang in Shadow Warrior (the fuckin' original, not the remake/reboot/what the fuck ever) said "EAT THIS, PINCER DICK!" I'm pretty sure now that it was probably meant to be "pencil dick", but the mental image of a "pincer dick" remains with me.

He also said something that always sounded to me like nothing quite like "Sucks on balls, squashy penis." I'm still not sure what that one's really supposed to be.

152 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7666 13:00

>>151 How about you moon me?

153 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 16:17

>>150
I kind of want to try that now. I don't want to waste my toothbrush though. I wonder what I should do...

154 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 16:59

>>153 Just use one at the end of its life. Who cares if it's a bit minty?

My lame confession is I'm half kind of only posting this to get a more usable-in-a-sentence captcha than cholbile.

155 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 17:10

>>150

Did you brush your teeth with that toothbrush afterwards?

Asking for a friend...

156 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 21:40

Add "Mr. Brain's Pork Faggots" alongside Faygo to my list of food and drink I want to try before I die. This one may be more difficult as I don't think you can get 'em stateside.

157 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 22:37

>>156
Faygo is alright, Juggalos mostly buy it because they are unemployable manchildren and it's cheap. There are better cheap sodas out there though.

158 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 22:39

Also, my lame confession is that one time my mother almost walked in on me washing an onahole in the bathroom sink.

159 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7777 20:43

Listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D makes me feel more sad than relaxed.

160 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 19:19

Up until about 5 minutes ago I thought narwhals were creatures of myth.

161 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 20:03

Instead of just moving my mouse from one place to another using the shortest path (typically a straight line unless there's an issue with the placement of my mouse on the mouse pad), I actually make it dance around, like in circles and patterns.
Sometimes I listen to music and play around with the cursor in time with the beat.

162 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 04:33

>>161 That makes me think of something many Mega Man players do. Sometimes they fire the megabuster in synch with the game music.

I tried it, but I never do it right.

163 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7786 07:14

Sometimes I worry I'll destroy my penis with too much masturbation.

164 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7786 09:52

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

165 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7786 09:55

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

166 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7787 08:26

>>155
yes, but i washed it off first.

167 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 15:47

I take a guilty pleasure in making gaynus jokes (which I first learned here). I also had my interest in Uranus renewed by a lecturer who tried to avoid negative implications by calling the planet "Urinus". This is utterly worse. The brain is already processing "Your anus" and then it gets peed into.
I avoid contemplating about impression left on my peers by these jokes.

>>166
Please be careful with bristle hardness. I thought this was all about the wider end of an electric toothbrush at first.

168 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 17:27

>>167
During my upbringing most people pronounced it the "Urinous" way, so it took me a while to figure out why Uranus jokes were supposed to be funny.

Also, I was very disappointed to discover after downloading it that "Ubangis from Uranus" is just generic interracial porn, and not a sci-fi spoof.

169 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 21:30

>>168
If they really want to refer to the planet between Saturn and Neptune without also referring to anatomy, they could pronounce the name /ˈjʊərənəs/. That would at least give some kind of historical credence.

170 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7790 02:19

>>168
Keeping with an old tradition of omitting "os" in those old words, the planet is called "Уран" ("ouran") in Russian. Can't really make a pun with it.

Return Entire thread Previous 100 posts Next 100 posts Last 50 posts
Name: Link:
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
More options...
Verification: