[NOVEL] DQN Shirt Novel [FAIRLY NICE] (672)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 05:43

The shirt was

501 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8479 12:54

The shirtmakers felt

502 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8479 13:59

happy, then sad, then worried, and then really happy when they delivered the shirt. It was

503 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8479 22:28

happy, then sad, then worrisome, then really happy.

504 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8480 01:41

In the middle of the show, the owner of the shirt shop tried to buy an okay shirt off of some random bozo so he could make it fairly nice and flip it for a small profit, but they couldn't come to a fairly nice deal and had to let the shirt go.

505 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8480 02:26

The bozo was fuming.

506 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8480 03:58

He'd even worn his best bright red honking nose for the episode and

507 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8482 15:33

developed a rash from wearing the red nose. In order to cure

508 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8482 17:19

it he hoped to brown nose the producers but

509 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8482 17:47

the producers wore fairly brown shirts on their noses already

510 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8492 19:41

CHAPTER 17.235

The local Illuminati chapter leader put his shirt back on. It was a

511 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8492 20:30

[REDACTED] shirt with [REDACTED] patterns and beautiful [REDACTED] on its sleeves and neck.

512 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8492 20:36

The [REDACTED] in particular was very nice.

513 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8492 21:36

Umami

514 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8492 21:53

was being eaten by the who had been putting his shirt back on while

515 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8492 22:35

crying out, "Henry, oh, Henry. Give it to me straight Henry. Tell me how it is. I don't wanna know but you know I gotta know. Henry. You know I know. But I need you to tell me, Henry. Oh, Henry! Tell me what's really ugly. Henry? Oh...Henry...you said it...I knew it, Henry. I knew it! You didn't even have to tell me. Henry! Oh! What's really ugly? Henry..."

516 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8506 13:49

This shirt is fairly nice, said Henry.

517 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8506 19:19

The shirt had a photo of a frozen microwaveable meal on it with the words "TV DINNERS" in bombastic lettering.

518 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8507 18:08

Henry put the shirt in the microwave and set the timer.

519 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8508 12:32

The fairly nice shirt had a fairly nice explosion in the microwave.

520 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8536 07:25

Larry King's asshole

521 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8536 18:58

s

522 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8536 19:23

diffused through

523 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8536 19:24

mell was not fairly nice at all. In fact,

524 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8536 21:54

Mell hated the fact that Larry King's assholes were anywhere near him, let alone diffusing through his body. He broke out into a fervor, shouting the most obscure profanity at the top of his lungs.

525 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8537 01:17

It was a fairly nice profanity.

526 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8552 21:32

Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha!!

Martha, calm the fuck down and get yer panties in the butter basket!

527 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8557 17:12

Martha didn't approve of that however.

528 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8559 10:49

The butter basket remained sorely pantiless.

529 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8559 21:22

It was, however, stuffed with shirts.

530 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8560 00:38

One of the shirts read

531 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8560 03:21

1000 books.

532 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8561 12:42

It was rather heavy, having 1000 books to its name, but

533 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8605 02:56

STRAIGHT WHITE CHRISTIAN MALE: THE MAJORITY F***IN RULES

534 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8606 13:49

the majority is always wrong

535 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8607 14:14

as is the minority. In fact, there is only one who is right

536 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8607 17:26

You have to go back.

537 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8607 17:44

So, in a desperate attempt to bring the thread back on topic, he took the shirt back to the store and returned it.

538 This post sucked.

539 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8626 06:02

"I NEED THE OLD WORLD MONKEYS ISSUE OF ZOOBOOKS!"

540 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8626 20:00

"AND I NEED IT ON A SHIRT! A FAIRLY NICE SHIRT IF POSSIBLE!" he bellowed.

541 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8627 00:27

it was fairly nice bellowing

542 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8627 03:06

and the girl behind the counter at Fairly Nice Custom-Printed Shirts smiled and began tapping away at her register's touch screen. Within seconds,

543 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8627 10:11

(fairly nice seconds)

544 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8628 20:25

launch to Uranus

545 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8844 14:13

was the wrong shirt. Angrily, he bumped the thread.

546 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8844 14:13

It was a fairly nice bump.

547 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8844 15:14

PART 2: I CAN'T RECALL THE PLOT ANY LONGER

548 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8845 00:07

"There is no plot." Said the Great Sky Shirta.

549 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8845 01:24

Ironically, the entire plot of DQN Shirt Novel was written on the Great Sky Shirta's shirt, but he never thought to look down.

550 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8845 18:39

Meanwhile, SpongeBob

551 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8845 18:57

walked

552 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8846 00:47

without rhythm

553 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8846 14:12

INTO THE ABYSS

554 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8847 19:34

Nearby, a Worm woke up, listened for a bit, then went back to sleep. It was wearing a fairly nice nightshirt.

555 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8850 13:42

SUDDENLY,

556 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8850 15:01

Seymour grabbed his rifle and peeked out the bedroom window at

557 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8850 16:54

a shirt

558 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-8850 23:22

that survived the Triangle Shirtwaste Fire.

559 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8851 17:59

It was a fairly warm fire.

560 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8928 16:09

He aimed his rifle at the shirt and said,

561 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8928 21:41

"Fire!"

562 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8929 01:41

The shirt promptly burst into flames.

563 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8929 16:38

And so did the rest of the world. Everyone died except

564 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8929 17:27

Randy McNally, Cartographer of Love. He was saved by

565 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8930 14:39

The fact that he was actually already dead. For, you see, he couldn't have died if he was already dead. Therefore, how could he have died, having already been dead?

566 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8930 17:23

Randy's flatulent corpse ended up ambling around for a couple of weeks, figuring out whether to be dead or not.
￣￣Ｖ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　So is he dead or not?
　＿＿＿＿　　　　　　　　　　　　 ∧∧　∧∧ 　
/　　/ 　　| |　　／　　　　　　　　(・∀・ )(´ω`) I've read the manga, but I'm not spoiling it for you!
l 二 | 　　 | |　　　　　　　　　／ ￣￣旦￣￣／|
＼＿ヽ_＿||　　＼　　　　.／＿＿＿＿＿／／
　|;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|　　　　　　　 |l─────‐l|'

567 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8944 03:39

CHAPTER 18

"Juu hachi desu," said the young actress, just before the actor peeled her shirt off and tossed to the floor in a cavalier fashion.

568 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8945 17:53

She looked at him, cavalierly tossed to the floor, and wondered what the fuck he

569 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8946 02:27

had for breakfast considering the unique stench of his flatulence.

570 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8946 02:55

She retrieved her shirt and put it back on. It was a fairly nice shirt.

571 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8946 03:42

"Hey! I just took that off, you bitch!" The actor was upset, and he peeled the shirt off again.

572 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8946 03:58

Then he slammed angrily to the floor.

573 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8946 05:51

The actress stared at him, now angrily slammed upon the movie set's ground

574 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 03:10

beef jubilee, and again put her shirt back on.

575 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 04:28

It was still fairly nice.

576 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 04:33

The shirt was fairly nice, with a v neck. The shirt was wearing a shirt. It was a fairly nice shirt. The shirt's shirt was wearing >>1. >>1 was fairly nice. The shirt was a fairy, nice! And then the shirt exploded. ( ˃ ヮ˂) Showering fairy dust everywhere!

Then an angry DQN tied the ends of the threads of the shirt to needles and disassembled it as it knitted a pair of mittens out of it. But it wasn't just any pair of knitted mittens, it was a mitten for shirts.

Fairly nice shirts.

The mittens were somewhat nice.

"These will never do!" grumbled the angry DQN. He opened the window to his basement apartment and shouted out "THEY'RE NOT NICE ENOUGH!!!"

DQN's mom knocked on his door and told him to be quiet. DQN's mom was wearing a shirt. The shirt was wearing >>1. A fairly nice >>1.

>>1 was wearing a shirt wearing a fairy wearing a shirt wearing shirt wearing DQN wearing a fairly nice fairy wearing mittens (somewhat nice) threaded from shirts worn by DQN's mom and pop.

DQN's mom was not nice. DQN's mom's shirt was practically a crime against nature - I mean, it was not particularly nice.

DQN's pop on the other hand wore only the finest death metal tour shirts. Mom didn't know what death metal was, but she lovingly draped his exquisitely tailored flannel shirt over his shoulders and said, "this is for the Albanians" as she stabbed him in the back with a wall of spices and incense.

Pop inhaled the heady mix and smiled. "The Albanians are going to LOVE THIS!"

Mom smiled to herself, for or five. Sick Sven ate. Nein tin. DQN let out a huge sugar burp.

( ˃ ヮ˂) And then exploded sugar and mitons everywhere!

All the shirts were covered in a sugary goop. Pop, surveying the ruined shirts, glared at DQN and said, "You're the purest beauty on Earth. I know that might sound cheesy, but it's true. Nonetheless, I'm kicking you out. Pack your bags and make for the hills, boy."

Fairly nice smooth jazz began to play. Which is strange since smooth jazz in general is the devil's jazz. DQN packed his nicest shirts and hit the road.

"What are the haps my friends?" he roared this very afternoon. The roar tore the skies asunder, causing a Great Sky Garment to fall to the Earth. It was Greatly Nice. It landed in a forest and was eaten by a pack of deer.

As he walked along, DQN spilled Travel Tea on his shirt. Rage swiftly grew within his heart at this latest humiliation.

All the mushroom men, where do they all come from? All the mushroom men, why are they all so glum?

All the mushroom men were suddenly sucked into a vortex of death from which there is no escape. They have no mittens. They don't even have shirts.

The mushroom men are, incidentally, women. Fairly nice women with fairly nice mushrooms, which may or may not be a double entendre. (It is.) Although it is a fairly nice double entendre.

It wasn't enough to save them or their mushrooms.

577 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 18:34

The catch-up episode was fairly nice, by virtue of its contents, but was not fairly nicely typeset.

578 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 20:15

The angry DQN put on his shirt, an off-the-rack lime green affair, and waved distractedly to his mom as he left the house.

579 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 20:22

It was a fairly nice house.

580 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 22:07

Adding a review on foursquare for a fucking McDonald's while visiting France must be the lamest thing to do ever.

581 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 22:08

" said some dumb stupid idiot who fucked up. It wasn't even the nice kind of fucking up.

582 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8947 22:46

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, a group of DQNs were admiring a really nice fuck up.

583 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8948 01:37

"Oh yeahhhh," said the boss DQN of the group of DQNs. "Oh yeah, that fuck up's really nice! So cool!"

The group of DQNs snapped their fingers and nodded like cool men. "Yeahhhhh! Oh yeah! So cool!"

584 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8949 15:23

A cottage industry was born out of discussing and rating fuck ups. Fuck-up-Connoisseurs would write lengthy reviews and rank fuck ups ranging from "not nice at all" all the way to "fairly nice". These fuck up curators were well regarded among the fuck-up-loving DQNs, but

585 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8949 18:54

none of this was of interest to the Great Sky Shirta, who was busy with

586 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8949 19:09

>>584
I blame the AVGN for inspiring people to rate fuck ups.

587 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8949 19:41

", interrupted the dumb stupid idiot again.

588 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8949 22:20

"Busy times indeed", thought Great Sky Shirta, as the divine being poured gasoline all over the VIP LOUNGE. "This will take care of everything", he picked a matchbox from his pocket and

589 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8949 22:39

put it back. "I'm saving my last match for a particularly bad fart", he said as he produced a flamethrower from under his very nice shirt. "This ought to do it",

590 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 06:10

The boss DQN looked up and saw the flamethrower, which was so so close to becoming used. "Oh, NO!" he yelled. "Oh, no no NO!!"

591 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 10:10

"The flamethrower is close to becoming used! At me!"

592 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 14:28

"At any minute!" he cried. "Any second, it will begin to be used! Right at me! It's gonna happen! It's going to be used at me!! Oh no no NOOOOOO!!"

593 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 14:54

Knowing that the flamethrower would need to be used imminently, the Great Sky Shirta handed it to Punctual Gomez, whom he had hired for this very occasion. Which was going to arrive very soon. In the near future. Of course, Punctual Gomez was there, right on time, at 2:54 in the afternoon, on the 8950th of September 1993.

"What's so cool about being punctual, anyway? Don't you ever get the urge to fuck up occasionally?" the DQN boss asked. Of course, stalling for time against Punctual Gomez was a poor strategy.

594 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 18:41

At the precise, predetermined minute and hour of the day previously discussed, the flamethrower became used, and the VIP LOUNGE burst into EXQUISITE flames!!

595 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 23:17

The boss DQN looked up and saw the flamethrower, which was in the process of being used. "Oh, NO!" he yelled. "Oh, no no NO!!"

596 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 23:21

Then Rex Rockstar showed up fashionably late as always and

597 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 23:22

Then Rex Rockstar showed up fashionably late as always and

598 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8950 23:25

both Rex Rockstars looked at each other like, "whoa"

599 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8951 05:57

(editor's note: we have included this fuck up because we think it's really nice.)

600 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8951 13:40

The DQN boss looked from the two Rex Rockstars to the used flamethrower, back and forth in shock. "No! Oh, no no! No no NOOOO!!"

Throughout this confusing moment, the flamethrower was still being used, and very nice flames were burning everybody up.

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