Usually I just post things up but now I'm going to have put up a thread. I'm an asian nerd who has a penpal from China and we have been chatting on MSN for 2 months now and I find her very interesting! Problem is after those 2 months I have run out of things to say!! I need help! What should I talk about with her?
Well, what have you already spoken to her about? I would not like to suggest things that you have already done.
School and our personal lives.That's what kept us talking for 2 months. Now that were both in school it's hard to balnce homework and chores and still have time to MSN. I don't know anything else to talk about that can keep us talking. Probably cause my life is like a repeat of the day before. Nothing really happens. Samething goes with her. But she goes to school sunday night and comes back on fridays.
I feel you. It's something that plagues many of us geeks/otaku. Are you two interested in similar things, maybe have similar hobbies?
Well.......we both love to read books. But I'm into manga and comics while she's into romantic and Harry potter books. We both love to swim, we like listening to music, and were both anime freaks. She loves Prince of Tennis as do I to Love Hina.
Talk about your favorite animes then. Maybe try suggesting to her some animes she might like. Are you a fan of Densha Otoko? If so maybe try introducing it to her (if she doesn't already know). She into romance so maybe she'd like it.
I tried that already but it ended up becoming another subject. Should I bring back our short conversation of Densha Otoko?
I know how you feel. Some people you have this instant connection with and you can just talk non stop about random stuff. But others you have to try and think of a mutual interesting topic. In those situations I can't be bothered forcing a friendship.
I agree with >>8. It's sometimes true.
>>We both love to swim...and were both anime freaks
There you go. That's two things you can talk about, and I'm sure you'll find other stuff that leads from there.
I hope so....
Well, can always talk about things you would like to do outside of normal routine.
Even if we give you something to talk about, it'll only last you a few more days maybe.
BUt on the whole, I agree with >>8 as well. I'd just leave it. Remember that talking nonstop everyday is not a requirement for friendship or relationships.
Well I sent her my answer of what I like to do outside! Thing is, I put down something's that made me sound gay, like I love beautiful scenaries and would love to see animals living at peace." was that okay? Cause that's the truth! and I'm not gay. I'm just one of those very sensitive guys. But I hide it.
>>13 lol, we call those hopeless romantics.
That is something I would expect to see in personals. I am quite sure she won't think you are gay because it is obvious you are trying to impress her.
>>13
Of course we have to hide it, or we'll have our asses beat in this macho world we live in. The only thing it's OK for guys to talk about amongst fellow guys is sports, bodily functions, sex, and the T&A on that hot chick over there.
Unless you plan to get married to her, and move to China, stop building a crush on someone you do not want to be attracted to. I don't want to stretch this post, but I hope you get my point.
I just want to have a friend I could talk to about anything without being made fun of or became the most watched over the group. Over my group of friends I'm the guy who does the stupidest anctic's, I'm the guy bringing all the laughter and what not....Do you think they'll take me seriously? Well, either way it's the reason why I got a penpal.
Of course they will take you seriously. No one wants the laughing stock of the group to leave. Be serious with them and try working on the relationships you already have. Share some of your problems with them (do get ready to be laughed at and be strong). If you take them seriously, they will take you seriously. Take everything in with a lighthearted attitude. Attitude is everything. Socializing is done through real life, not through MSN (I've stopped using MSN myself a few years ago). Messenger should be used strictly at work or for emergencies. Phone is acceptable.
After you've solved your relationship problems with your circle of people, get yourself a date.
If those friends just see you as a clown, fuck them, they're not worth your time and effort.
What kind of a friend do you feel conscious talking to?
Someone that I dont know. I know it sounds stupid, but when I talk to a friend I rarely know, it feels good. It helps them cause they get to know the real me and it helps me cause they can cheer me up with their kind words.
Umm....Hey guys. Recently I just talked to an old friend which I flirted with but rejected me. We had a long conversatio about many great things. We were enjoying just talking......it was.....Amazing. Thing was, at the end of the conversation she sent me <3 as her last comment. Does it mean anything?
>>23
lol you remind me so much of me when i was younger. being all, omg?! she said <3! and stuff!? wahts it mean?! i remember some girl said, "luv ya bye", one time and i thought it was like, lol wats all this eh? it doesnt mean anything, dont think anything of it, its just how some girls talk, but still, ey, lol if shes nice and cute, well, eh, keep talkin
About 2 years ago. She's changed a lot. She says she's no longer looking for looks but personality. And yes she's really cute. Evertime I said something about myself or something really true, she'd say"awww" or "that's cute". And she would occasionally laugh without saying why.
About 2 years ago. She's changed a lot. She says she's no longer looking for looks but personality. And yes she's really cute. Evertime I said something about myself or something really true, she'd say"awww" or "that's cute". And she would occasionally laugh without saying why.
you got friend zoned up the ass
Really?
duh
It's your chance to take her out on a date and show her your manly side. I mean it. Refer to my other posts on how to date.
Wait a sec, is she nearby? Read my other post on how women communicate and what they mean when they say those things. I've covered that already.
Um.....we live far, but not too far. She lives in a very rich area!! And um....I don't know where she lives exactly. And I'm not one to ask for a date. It's never happened to me before.
Do read other of my posts to get an idea of what to do on a date. I recommend you ask her if she would like to go for a walk, and show up at her house (of course you'll ask her address). Walk, get some coffee. Maybe even set to meet somewhere you'd like to hang out with her, or somewhere related to what you are skilled or like doing (tennis court to play tennis, arcade to play games, etc.).
>>35
I'm the informative, effective, and sensible samaritan that empathizes with all of you good people.
>>35
I hope you're not flirting with Mireille?
man TokyoJapan22, i feel like i'm reading my own story!! Mirelle guy gives the best advice on dates! i beleive you know my story with long distance so i will say this, its very HARD to have a long distance relationship because it doesn't last very long usualy. plus you dont want to be me waiting for one little reply for 4 months!! theres heaps of girls outside there waiting for you!! we're in the age where oportunties are filled up!!
btw if your going out on the date, dont get too nervouse and act normal! try talk alot like intrest, schools ect! do what >>34 says! it will work!~ GOOD LUCK and all the BEST!!
Like I said before, it's hard to ask for a date! It's even harder to flirt! Just thinking of what to do is hard. All I can do is stare thinking how I can talk to her. And when she stares at you it makes you think "oh Shit".
>"oh shit"
as in, "Oh shit, she's hot"? :D Yeah, I know what you mean.
Women flirt, men date. Witty/smart/honest compliments that do not have any indirect criticisms in them is a good way to talk to any girl.
Don't think. Just do.
Wrong. Think first, creatively (Wash). Practice your thoughts (Rinse). Then do (Repeat).
Just do = failure again and again.
Practice loudly, physically, and even in front of a mirror.
>>40
No not as in "she's hot" but as in Oh Shit she saw me, what do I do now.
Okay! I'll practice on it!
Hey people. Today at McDonald's some girl came up to me and asked me for my number. She looked like one of those people who are what's the world.......umm sort of like a skank....I dont know. Anyways when she wanted my number my friends gave her a fake one. Once it was shown I all of a sudden just screamed it's not a real number! So yeah....Do you think she actually wanted to get to know me? Or do you think she was just playing around?
Did you give her your real number?
no.
would you want to get with a skank?
I wouldn't.
I dont know. You really don't know a person just by there appearances.
so... i uh..... i herd sum things.....
hmm that happened to a friend of mine before..i think the girl asked for your number maybe cos of your friends looks? cos from what i heard, girls mainly go for looks~~" but then again maybe she just wants to get to know you, who knows
interesting story, i was visiting my friend and two girls were walking down the hall and one of the girls was saying that she cares about a guys personality rather than looks. so it all depends the on the girl i guess.
>>53
She was just saying that to sound smart to her friend. Of course she didn't mean it.
I guess so. Well......the girl who rejected me(let's call her "Je") is coming to my highschool to visit. What should I do?
nothing
to see old friends. But it's a little to late now. I looked for her for the whole day and couldn't find her. After losing all hope (since school was over), I would see her right in front of me. She seemed like any other person would just walking along with her friends, but as soon as she saw me she just rushed to hug me. I could'nt do anything cause I was so stiff from being so nervous so she decided to not hug me. This was my chance to talk to her in actual life! But still I did nothing. Like the moment with MJ and Peter at the cafeteria in Spider-Man. After a few seconds past she said I'll see you soon,(as in talking on aim)
AS soon as she walked away, I was nothing. I couldn't help but stop thinking what would of happened if I took my chances at that moment. She stopped for a second, and when I least expected it she walked back to hug me. This time I actually hugged back. It was the 2nd time I've been hugged by a girl that's not in my family tree. The first came up 3 days ago when I saw an old friend from my middle school, she was so schoked to see me that she just hugged me. It felt wierd but the hug I got from Je was so different.
Man you gotta calm down. You messed up big time. You need to learn to think on your feet. Mireille guy said you need to practice. What you need to do is go out and just get real world experience. Just go out talk to people and learn what to do in social situations. Build a mental library on what to do in those situations. And if you encounter a situation you don't know how to handle; improvise. Learn to think on your feet. You really dont have time to "Think first, creatively (Wash). Practice your thoughts (Rinse). Then do (Repeat)." Remember you have a few seconds to think. If you try to think of something creative, unless you have a extremely intelligent, you will either say something really stupid and be left in limbo or you will take too long and she will leave. Hey, if a girl smiles at you. Start to walk over to her before you realize you started to move. Once you realize you have committed to the situation then think about your next move. YOu have to learn to spit out information on the spot. Instinct is very useful. The problem of using a plan is that is bound to fail. And it will take to too long to make a new one. Just go with the flow. You make a mistake, you can't go back to fix it. So you pick up the ball again and keep going. The only way you can learn that is again but going out and experiencing it. You will make mistakes at first but will learn from them and make fewer and fewer. Be like Bruce Lee, fluid like water. Calm and cool. If you panic you will fail.
And Mireille guy, I respect you for trying to help, but don't act like the only guy here who has experience with girls. Though you offer good advice, you also offer some bad ones too.
Well Tokyo, I'm the same kind of guy, more or less. But the fact is you should always be looking for a way to turn conversations or anything else in your favor. For example, one time in HS I was at a football game and this girl who was sort of a friend that I hung out with sometimes (importantly, we never really talked much, she was the shy type) and she was being very physical with me, in a somewhat flirtatious way. Once I got her talking, she said she was going to visit her mother that weekend. Without thinking, I said "I think you should stay here and do lunch." I didn't even have the intent to ask her out, but that's what it turned out to be, and she was so excited that she promptly said yes. It was only a few seconds before I realized what I did, but after that I just played it cool and did the date, as if it had been my intention all along. Ultimately nothing really came of her (because she left school for places unknown shortly afterward.) But you get the idea. Random turns of conversation can have a big impact. She was so cute though, I could totally imagine her having the thought processes of a shy anime girl...
Well......after a few days of talking to her through aim I finally came through and confessed I still had feelings for her.But this time was different.It wasn't like 2 years ago.This time after I told her there was no silence......but we just kept talking like it was ok. But were still just friends. After that happened, I felt as if a huge boulder had been lifted off me!
Oh! and I also introduced her to 4-ch! was that ok?
no
>>64
FUCK NO
And if you need help with conversation just do what I do. Talk about any thing. Peter Pan, prison rape, pipes, ponies. Doesn't matter silence is the fucking worse.
>You need to learn to think on your feet. [...] YOu have to learn to spit out information on the spot. Instinct is very useful.
I totally have to agree with your advice.
Everytime I give short advice, I risk being unclear and incomplete, I shall expand what I said.
My advice was more in the lines of what you said:
>Once you realize you have committed to the situation then think about your next move.
Think about the next move, and act quickly, with instinct. Like you said. The problem is that most people do not have this natural "instinct" of what to do on the move. It doesn't mean they can't have it; it just means they have to practice to develop it.
In TokyoJapan22's case, he could have thought in advance what to do and how to react when meeting his childhood friend. He had time to think of her reaction, think of creative ways of how he should approach or talk to her to quickly catch up and enable further contact (in this case, the point of meeting her was to see if they could meet again in a casual setting or get a contact number to do so). Then, he could have practiced, what do I first do when I see her? Hug her? Lift my hand and say hi? How should she greet me? Hug, kiss, etc. and what is the best way to react? Then, after thinking of the possibilities, imagine the best outcome possible. What should I do to get there, etc? This is what I mean by practice. This is what I mean by wash, rinse, repeat. It develops solid automatic responses that ultimately lead to the best outcome possible in practiced scenarios. Yes, experience is irreplaceable. But with this approach, even very little experience could turn to be invaluable and yield improvements that would not happen otherwise.
Therefore, this is what I mean by rinse, wash, repeat:
-Wash: Plan your thoughts creatively. Find and imagine reactions, outcomes, and responses creatively.
-Rinse: Practice, polish, and perfect. In front of the mirror, aloud, what you should say, how you should move, what motions to do. If a trusted friend can help you, better (I even mentioned before to Benson how to effectively kiss a girlfriend with the excuse of practicing).
-Repeat: Simply reenact what you practiced previously. Everything you practiced should become second nature, just like instinct. Since it's simply repeating what you've practiced before, you will act quicker, with fewer thoughts, and knowing what to do and what to expect.
Doing all this results in a very natural outcome, and also gives a better impression when meeting women. To finish, I was not born with natural instincts or experience (maybe a little intelligence); but rather it was practicing beforehand that has made my dates' outcomes more predictable and my reactions more assertive. In the end, you could say I have experience with girls, but you should understand that learning from experience alone will take you more mistakes, missed opportunities, and a bygone youth.
So ok, my advice was bad. Badly written, and badly interpreted. I hope you agree that practice is not bad tho.
>>66
I personally can't recommend this option. People have different tastes. Some people feel that any lapse in conversation longer than 5 minutes creates an air of discomfort. Perhaps they feel the obligation to be interesting or witty; whatever the reason, it certainly isn't fun at all.
Others feel crushed by people that insist in yammering on non-stop about their petty personal problems and everything that enters into their head without an iota of mental processing. There may be such a thing as a level of friendship where you transcend the need for communication or words.
Remember - good conversation requires at least two people to be interested. If you feel that people aren't likely to value you because of your lack of valuable input, you have larger problems to worry about than your self-esteem.
>>67
tl;dr
Well, that's cool advice. But were now just friends and I'm ok with that. Maybe the advice you give me now will help me through another love crisis. Oh I also need help with another problem. What should do with my first/ex-girlfriend? She seems to always play around with me along with her friends on the phone and she's always in an on and off type relationship with this one guy. Now like JE we live far apart. Is there something I should do with this problem or just let her keep playing around with me and help her with her relationship?
Well, if she is playing around with you then why would you let her keep on doing it. Don't worry about her relationship. Talk to her if you want but when she starts to mess with you just stop talking to her. It sounds like she is rubbing in that fact that she is better off without you and is trying to make you jealous. If you get the hint that she is, ask her for some advice about a girl (fictious or real). I did that with one of my exgirlfriends. She called me randomly one evening, I told her I was heading out to a movie and I would talk to her later. I ran into her later she asked about my date (apparently she thought I was on a date). I told her okay. She wanted to hang out that evening, I didn't so I told I couldn't and she probably knew why. Never spoke to her since.
>>71
Why do you persist in asking advice for problems you already have a developed opinion on?
Suppose someone told me that my best friend is lying to me - should I believe him or not? These are judgment calls that define your personality. You have to make these calls for yourself and accept the responsibility for the consequences. Don't rely on other people to tell you what to do in the really important aspects of your life, especially if you value your friendship - It's not like we know enough about your life from that one-paragraph spiel to be able to judge her character from anything other than your rendition of her.
Asking for advice for romantic issues and love is intelligent, those relationships are rarely important and getting a second opinion to overrule your hormones might count for something.
Asking for advice about doing something that might jeopardize an important friendship isn't. Unless you want to sleep with your friend a lot. Or if you really need to get a scapegoat. Hell, if her friendship really isn't that important at all, just do whatever makes you happier. It works out the same in the long run.
"The internet told me to do it!" <- you realize how ridiculous this sounds?
>>71
Don't talk to her anymore FTW. That will crush her more than anything you could have ever said.
>>74
Really?! But.........I can't just stop talking to her! She's a great friend, and will only be JUST A FRIEND now. It'll be hard letting go and forgetting a friend that comes one in a million years.....
You can still talk to her but limit and lead conversation to what YOU want to talk about. Avoid discussions about your love life.
There's a girl in my HighSchool I think I like but am not sure. I'm not having a feeling of shyness but a feeling of wnating to get to know her. I'm not having the same felling as I did before with my last love experience. I'm not feeling at all nervous or jumpy. Is this love or maturity or nothing?
Infatuation. Talk to her, find out more about her.
>>76 That defeats the purpose of not talking to her.
go talk to her and get to know her better. i get that sometimes as well.
GFTOG
Ok. I didn't talk to her yet but I went on ahead and sent those Halloween-a-grams stating, " I don't know you very well so I hope to be your friend soon. I'm doing this because I'm too shy to meet new poeple and I'm not a stalker". Now what do I do?! I sent something to her which she'll recieve on Halloween. Should I wait till then to talk to her or should I get to know her a little before then?
if you have to assure the girl you're not a stalker you might already be in trouble
agreed. tokyo what you should have done is write "hey i dont know you too well...meet me at this place at X time and we can get to know each other"
What if I talk to her or at least try to before Halloween?
Tokyo seriously just stop and think LOGICALLY. If you creeped her out already do you think you have a chance? Give up and move on. Try not to freak girls out. Keep every light and funny. But for now give up and focus on other stuff than girls. You just keep digging yourself in a deeper hole.
>>87
Umm......ok? But either way there's gonna be an anagram being delivered to her on Hallwoeen which I can't stop! I still have to talk to her before than so I can convince I'm no stalker.
now that you're talking about CONVINCING her you're not a stalker i would say you are in fact in trouble of the "game over yeah" variety
Okay. This thread has gone one for waaay too long already. How the hell do you get by one month and 90 posts without solving the problem??? I like asian nerdy guys but the turnoff about them is that they will take an eternity to make a confession. And by then it will be either:
A few of my friends are like that, and let me tell you that it hasn't helped them one bit.
Ps. I hope you threw that whole stalker bit in your message as a joke -_-.
>>90
i love you
THREAD, ENDED!
ohhhh, ive been there before, twice, but then, i think ive become a bit of an asshole outta trying to get outta that endless circle of friendzoning, and so, i end up hating myself a bit because of the reduction of the whole, nice guy shit. so, i guess i just suck at this whole thing
>>90 >>91
HUH? Oh well, like I said before I "think" I like her but not certain. I just want to be friends but don't know how. But.....I think I can NOW! Today was ROTC picnic and when I got off the bus, I saw this one girl with a backpack on. The moment I saw her, I felt a sudden vibe inside me telling myself, "I need to know who she is". At first I couldn't because I was soo shy. But all of a sudden, when I saw her again, I thought to myself, "this is my chance". I leaped in made a move, introduced myself, did some hilariousness here and there. In the end I got her e-mail address and a new friend. I figured, all it takes is risk and convidence, and if you have neither(me) make it up. Make yourself feel you have it in you. Getting to know "Picnic Girl" was one of the best moments I've spent in my life.
Well......Halloween has passed and since then I've been able to get a bit closer to Halloween Girl. Sadly, all I've done is saying "Hello", high fives, and occasional smiles from her. I feel I'm going nowhere. Recently I've been punished for mistaken identity, been doing plenty of good only to have bad luck strike.....I've been thinking all negatives( chances I have with Halloween Girl, My future...etc.) Anyone know anything I should do? My life is going downhill............ I Need Help.
Your life isn't going downhill. You are just being a emo drama queen who thinks his life should be like a movie. Guess what, you are just facing real life. IF you think your life sucks now, it will get a lot worse. The best advice I could give is to learn to roll with the punches. And when ever you get knocked down you get back up and ask for more. Basically act like a man. For example for your girl troubles rather than be afraid of her, why don't you extend the conversations with her, get to know her. Hey that can be a perfect excuse to get to know her better. "Hey, Halloween girl, I feel like I barely know you, lets get together and fix that"
Any other advice?
>>95
yeah, stfu already.
>>95
your life is going downhill. you are an emo drama queen whose life ought to be like a movie. guess what, this isn't real life. if you think your life is awesome now it will get a lot better. the best advice i could give is learn to never be able to take a hit. and whenever you get knocked down you stay there and whine and cry. basically, act like a pussy. for example, your girl troubles, rather than being confident with her, why don't you cut off your conversations with her, become less familiar with her. hey, that can be a perfect excuse to run away from her "hey halloween girl, i feel like i barely know you waaaaaaaaaaaaah"
umm........okay.
>>98
protip: only bump if you have something useful to say