I don't really know how to reconcile this with my conscience, but I'll just lay it out.
I have a lovely girlfriend who is barking up the marriage tree and I believe I would probably be content with her. But, long story short, I have for a very long time been infatuated with her younger sister (don't worry nothing even close to illegal). My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years and it hasn't been a problem until recently. I have started talking with her sister much more, becoming friends, hanging out, etc. because it is a bit of a travel to their house and often times my girlfriend is busy, so I just hang out with her sister.
I think I am falling in love with this girl. I think about her all the time. I simply can't stop. She has a boyfriend, and it is fairly serious, but it is a very very long-distance thing for them.
I don't know what to do. I know I will always feel terrible if I never do anything about this... but the risks are so great. I could lose everything. I don't think I could stand that.
I don't know what to do. I am honestly getting desperate. I've never felt even close to this way before.
I wouldn't want to walk in your shoes right now. What to do? I think you know the answer for yourself. It's an unfair thing to both of the girls. If I were you, I would take 10 days off with some excuse and do something else and when I come back I would keep conversations with here sister short and general but with politeness at least. Also, her sister talking to you might mean intellectual attraction and not that she likes you in that way. Stereotypically speaking, women are more likely than men to be competitive in love. Also, 3 years with one girl and 3 afternoons with the one is NOT the same. Maybe it's just that: infatuation and nothing more. Things will be more clearer after that 10 day break, I guess...
And very frankly, if I had a girl who wants to share the rest of life with me, I wouldn't ask for more.
Good luck!
"... I wouldn't ask for more." I know. This is why I feel like such a bad person. And it hasn't been just three afternoons. I have been friends with her for a long time. I have no idea if she is attracted to me or not.... I just know that this is going well beyond infatuation on my part though.
God, I can't take it. This is tearing me apart. I hate to sound emo, but I am honestly getting desperate.
Thing is, I've had multiple hiatuses from the whole scene. Nothing has ever changed. I have only ever gotten more and more and more interested.
I am even considering just breaking it off with my current girlfriend and not even asking the other one just to get out of this.
Thank you though.
>>3
You need to ask yourself; who do you want?
Your girlfriend or her sister. Make a descision, make it now, make it final. and most importantly; FUCKING MAKE IT!
Once you've done that, we can talk about the rest.
I want her sister.
But if I can't have her, I can't stand to have nothing because I went after her.
Does that make any sense? God I hope it does.
But God knows, I do want her sister. I am falling in love. And I hate it.
Stick with your girlfriend and try not to brood so much over her sister.
Unfortunately, Any other option has a 90% result of general pain and misery all around. Play the odds.
Staying with my girlfriend, and doing absolutely nothing, will definitely result in me always wondering... and already I am feeling horrible just wondering now.
I am thinking about telling her, but telling her with the disclaimer that I don't expect her to respond, and that I am just letting it out, and not to take it as anything. I would let her know that I would never act on it, but I just needed to get it off of my chest. She seems sensible enough to understand and not let it affect her, us, or me and my girlfriend.
Though there is the slim chance that she could flip out over it.
And there is the even slimmer chance that she could say "me too."
Guh.
Either stay with your girlfriend or get out. That seems like it would be best. Because I'm sure if you decided to go after her sister, everyone but her sister (considering she reciprocated) would probably hate you. And I can't imagine any sort of long term thing coming out of that.
Why'd it take you 3 years to reach this point? And what is it about her sister that attracts you?
Well, year one, her sister was a little bratty little bitch who never came out of her room. Year two, she grew out of that and we became friends. Year three, the slight twinge I had started with being attracted to her grew and grew and before I knew it it got to this stage.
Her sister. It goes beyond sexual attraction. Not to sound too high-schoolish, she "gets" me. We have had long, intricate discussions about everything ranging from what books we like (we've even read some together) to religion. I had a bit of an issue/crisis with it, and she is a deeply spiritual person, and always willing to talk to me about it. I have never met anyone I can speak so candidly with, or who thinks the way she does. My girlfriend would really rather not even think about such things... and honestly I don't think understands them when people do talk about them.
I know this sounds snotty and emo. But hey, it is what it is.
I say you just tell them both exactly how it is. Obviously, things aren't going to work out to happily ever after with your girlfriend. By telling them, you've opened the situation up to being worked out, whatever way it works out, the sister knows how you feel, and, you get honesty points from everyone involved. Of course, everyone will still be upset, and it will be a big mess, but less so than with any other approach, apart from keeping your feelings hidden and regretting it later in life.
I guess what I am asking is this:
Does anyone think it is more worth it to actually let this see the light of day rather than just keep it bottled up?
>>10
I wholeheartedly second this.
OP, go with this approach
Just because you have fallen for the sister, it doesn't mean she has fallen for you. She has her own boyfriend, is she really all that likely to dump him for you? Especially seeing as you are her sister's boyfriend?
very true... if my sister's bf did that to me (although she doesn't have a bf yet), and i'm assuming that I also like him. I'll have to face the risk... of a) ruining my relationship with my sister b) who knows.. what if the guy likes my sister back??! c) I have a bf d) ppl will think that I "stole" my sister's bf!
Anyways... taking out your gf's sister out of the equation... if you aren't satisfied with your gf -- not being able to communicate and discuss things with you enough..., and whatever bad qualities she may have... will you break up with her?
Or will you not?
I'm not sure if it's the case.. but this is what I think.
You just need attention. Because your gf is not giving enough attention and support to you, and her sister does, that's why you feel like you guys are better together. The thing is.. your gf is working her butt off at work (well you said she's always busy... so I guess work? Or what... meeting w/ her friends?), while you play with her little sister. Perhaps YOU should be a better boyfriend and give more attention and support to your girlfriend! Just because she doesn't go on to talk about philosophical issues, doesn't mean she's shallow.. perhaps she's just too busy for them... maybe when she's with you, she just wants to relax her mind and enjoy your presence.
And at the same time.. since the sister is having a long distance relationship with her boyfriend.. perhaps she's just looking for someone to talk to and stuff.... and voila... you're available. Personally, I don't think the relationship will work out if you do become couples (sister and you), because... it'll just be a relationship out of convenience. And who knows... maybe when you are separated some time in the future because of work or something... then maybe she'll find another guy and dump you-- and you wouldn't want that do you?
So, in conclusion... this is what I think you should do.
1) ask yourself if you love your girlfriend.
If Yes, stay with her, be good to her, don't think or do anything else
If No, you don't love her, but are still satisfied with her-- that's still not bad! But if you can't imagine marrying her and being loyal to her for the rest of your life, etc. Then break with her -- breaking up with her.. because you don't like her anymore.. don't break up with her using her sister as an excuse.
2) If you do break up with her. Let things cool down for awhile... see if you can still be friends with her sister... Perhaps she may break up with her boyfriend.. maybe not... if you still like her sister- go for her --- or better yet, go date some other girls first so others wouldn't know that you broke up with you girlfriend because of her sister. And who knows.. you may not like her sister anymore after this stage! And you get on with your life~.
So basically, you can stay with your girlfriend, and may regret later on in life.
OR you can get her sister and may regret later on in life... when you do realize that you actually love your current girlfriend, OR get someone else and may still regret later on in life.
Think things out before you say anything... this sister loving thing may just be a phase.
Wow, that is a cold hard slap of reality.
And yes, she is busy with work, but I am too... that really isn't much of an issue. And we do just enjoy one another's presence.
I can imagine marrying the girl, absolutely. I can imagine being loyal to her. That's honestly not the issue. Her sister isn't the excuse, any dissatisfaction I am ruminating about with my current girlfriend is the excuse to justify wanting her sister.
Thing is, my girlfriend and I are fine. But her sister. I've never felt this way about another soul in my life. It is a completely new feeling for me and I simply can't shake it. This has been going on for a while.... I've been treating it like a phase, but it is really getting out of control in me. I can't stop thinking about the girl and I feel those butterflies in the stomach everyone talks about when I see her or talk to her. This is the first time that has really happened to me.
It is just a choice between being comfortable and being daring.
OP here, so was the last post.
BTW, last time I was with the sister, we were walking in the park together.
We saw, carved into the railing of a bridge the quote:
"All glory comes from daring to begin." -Eugene F. Ware.
I nearly kissed her.
why would you go walking in the park together with your gf's sister?!?!! that's such a couple thing!
it's interesting how you never had these butterfly feelings with your gf before.. =P
ha ha.. well I guess you pretty said it all in your post in >>15, so.. i assume you're just gonna take the daring path. Who cares if you lose your current girlfriend?!
=P something you "can't" have always makes you want it more doesn't it???
Honestly... who the fuck GIVES a shit if you dump your current girlfriend ? You don't care enough for her when compared to the passion you feel for her sister.
I say be honest, if you hold on to honesty you will know that even if things went wrong or even if you are sad and ronery well... It's what you desired, in a way. Don't be afraid to be hurt or hurt people, for that matter, everyone heals and you should just live your life to it's fullest, take chances and be happy !
>>20
They would eventually be consumed by shame and guilt, it would tear them apart, their relationship would never work. Give it 2 years tops, then another one after which they never speak again.
In 2 more years OP would realize how fucking much he actually cared for his current gf, and he will spend the rest of his life beating himself up over this STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT
Assuming ofcourse this sister is as much of a slut as OP is, if not this will never even take off, thankfully.
You guys suck so fucking much, where do you learn to suck like this?
Heh, there is a park by their house and it was a nice day. I didn't even think of it as awkward.
I guess the jury is in, I should appreciate what I have and keep my fool mouth shut.
>>20 here.
>>21 Say, where do you learn to be so frustrated and caps-locking like that? Also, good future predicting skills, and cocks. To me it is very weird to see people so arrogantly defining others' futures... You make it sound like OP can only hope for doom and despair.
Yeah, what you say might happen and what others say might happen too but what OP wishes for might also happen... thing is... what does OP truly wish for ? I think that's closer to the reason why he's here, not so that he doesn't know what to do, he just doesn't know what he wants. And that's bad.
OP make up your mind, seriously. What do you want ?
>>23
look retard I already asked him to come straight about what he wanted, and he chose the little sister, yeah this is what he wants...
Now you pose the question, what does he really want? Yes that is an interesting question isn't it? I think he stated it already in the topic, "but the heart needs what it needs". He might know what he wants but he obviously doesn't know what he needs to get it.
He wants to feel good. His heart is tearing him apart right now, and he is becoming so fucking desperate, he's even thinking about just walking out on both his gf and her sister; everything. Then you are in pain. Alt. just a truly lazy and apathetic fuck like myself, but that's beside the point
He doesn't want to be in pain he wants to feel good, rite? I'm telling you, he will not feel that for fucking his gf over as royally as he would, by taking her little sister instead. He got to be the biggest, coldest psychopath not to care and I don't think he is. So this will stick around and chew on him over time, and he will never stop feeling guilt and remorse. And even if the sister would jump on his idiotic passion she would go through the same thing herself and live with feeling like shit.
As already stated this would kill his current gf, and their parents would be severely offended by discovering that their potential son in law is a massive cockjockey, and will be hurt to see the pain he's dragging their daughters through. In fact most everyone involved will be touched negatively by this, understanding will shine in its absence and for solid reasons. You do NOT pull stunts like this irl, this is shallow hollywood plots for disgusting chick flicks and romance novelist dung. This is the kind of crap thoughtless people like to indulge their twisted minds in.
"oh their passion for eachother was stronger than reason, drama ensues; such excitement but hey, now everyone is somehow okay with this and they can fuck without consequences and live happily ever after so my shit fiction won't leave you with a foul aftertaste, because that isn't good for business"
So he wants for his heart but in doing so he will ultimately deprive himself AND everyone else. Why would he do that? Because his heart is so way ahead of his reason that he cannot control its impulses, and he is tortured into following it through hell, for nothing more than an illusion. If he wants to feel good, then he should stay the fuck out of trouble and kill this shit with fire before it consumes him.
You think this is romantic or something? I just think this is stupid. And what the FUCK was that shit about "pure hearts"? This guys heart isn't pure it's putrid. gtfo
And yeah I am frustrated, frustrated by this idiocy.