ITT you have worn armor, a rusty dagger, and amnesia (457)

1 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5254 23:16

Wake up, sleepy head!

...

2 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5254 23:34

Where am I?

3 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5254 23:42

looks around

4 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5254 23:56

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

5 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 00:10

light a torch

6 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 00:35

On the floor is a filthy rag and an exquisitely carved ivory box. Five gem-studded doors face you.

7 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 00:43

get ye flask

8 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 01:42

how do you wear amnesia?

9 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 01:46

I put on my amnesia and fly away on my rusty dagger, after having stolen all the gems on the five doors.

10 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 01:58

I put on my amnesia and a dagger.
Want to participate in http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1200521780/l50 with me?

11 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 02:03

It's you, DQN Poster #2. I will engage you!

12 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5255 02:55

>imbibe rusty dagger

13 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 09:11

>think about name

14 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 12:34

Give amnesia to grue.

15 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 12:59

The gure accepeted your offering. You now have:

  • a splitting headache
  • no tea

16 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 13:11

use the headache to split the fifth door

17 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 13:56

After splitting the door a giant zombie dinosaur comes out and bites off your head.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　GAME OVER
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Continue? >>yes no

18 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 14:01

>>yes

Headless, you stumble down a hallway into another room. You are bleeding heavily from your neck stump.

19 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 14:02

>> yes
            SET NEW NAME: _

20 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 14:24

>> stumpy

21 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 14:57

WAKE UP, stumpy!

You have worn armor, a rusty dagger, and amnesia. It is dark.

22 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 15:06

>>xyzzy

23 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 15:10

Nothing happens.

24 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 15:10

After waking up a giant flesh eating rabbit ate all of your flesh. You bled to death.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　GAME OVER
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Continue? >>yes no

25 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 15:49

>>yes

You have a worn dagger, rusty armor, and amnesia. It is dark.

26 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 16:53

Help.

27 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 22:30

"STOP RIGHT THERE CRAP-ASS" a scary voice announced "That's MY candy bar and you know it!"

28 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 22:53

The Help for this program was created in Windows Help format which was used in previous versions of Windows and is not supported in Windows Vista. If you stole his candy bar you're on your own.

29 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 23:13

install Linux

30 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 23:15

Wake up, Linux!

31 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5256 23:43

install Linux on bento box

32 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5257 00:56

Delete \Windows_Vista
Install \Windows_XP

33 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 14:13

Your machine has lost all previous commands due to amnesia.

You have worn armor, a rusty dagger, and amnesia. It is dark.

34 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 14:17

You died of a heart attack. Tough luck.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　GAME OVER
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Continue? >>yes no

35 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 16:14

>>yes

You have a worn dagger, rusty armor, and amnesia. It is dark.

36 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 16:38

Hug grue

37 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 16:46

It's super effective!
Grue fainted.

38 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 17:18

　　　　⊂_ヽ､
　　　　　　.＼＼　 ／⌒＼
　　 　　　　　 ＼ （　冫、） 　　　　　　I cast Dark Ritual
　　　　　　　　　 >　`　⌒ヽ
　　　　　　　　　/　　　 へ ＼
　　　　　　　　/　 　 /　　 ＼＼
　　　　　　　　ﾚ　　ノ　　　　　ヽ_つ
　　　　　　　 /　 / 　　　　　　　　･*.･:
　　　　　　　/　 /| 　　　　　　　　　:。　*.・
　　　　　　 （　（　､ 　　　　　　　　　.*:☠。:’☠
　　　　　　　|　 |､　＼ 　　　　　　　。・．*・;　・*
　　　　　　　|　/　＼　⌒l 　　　　　　;　・。;☠ ・.
　　　　　　　|　|　　　）　/ 　　　　　・☠ *_,,..,,,,_ ☠。*・
　　　　　　ノ　 ）　　 し' 　　　　　　。・./ ,' ☠　 `ヽｰっ
　　　　　(＿／　　　　　　　　　　。・*．;l　　 ☠　⌒_☠ ’☠
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　`'ｰ---‐'''''"

39 Name: American : 1993-09-5258 17:45

（　・∀・） Then what? Take 3 mana burn?

40 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 19:59

　　　 ＿＿　　 ∩＿＿＿∩
　　／＼＼＼　| ノ　　ｌ　ｌ　 ヽ
　（　(ヽ　ヽヽヽ/　　● l　ｌ　●|　I have been summoned!
　 ＼＿) 　ｌ　ｌ|　ノ`ｰ ( _●) -^ｌ
　　　　（　　､'　　　　　|∪|　 ､｀＼
　 　　　（　/　＿＿ 　 ヽノ /´>　 )
　　　　　( (＿＿＿）　　　/　(_／
　　　　　　ゝ|　　　　　　 /
　　　　　　　|　　／＼　＼
　　　　　　　|　/　　　 )　 )
　　　　　　　∪　　　 （　 ＼
　　　　　　　　　　　　 ＼＿)
　

41 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5258 20:06

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　＿ ／-　イ､_
　　　　　　　　　　 ＿＿　　　　　 　　／: : : : : : : : : : : (
　　　　　　　　　 〈〈〈〈　ヽ　　　　　/: : : : ::;:;: ;: ;:;: ; : : : ::ゝ
　　　　　　　　　　〈⊃　　}　　　　　{:: : : :ノ　--‐'　､_＼: : ::｝
　　 ∩＿＿＿∩　 |　　 |　　　　　 {:: : :ノ ,_;:;:;ノ>>39､ ヾ: :::}
　　 | ノ　　　　　 ヽ !　　 !　　　、　　ｌ: :ﾉ　／二―-､　|: ::ﾉ
　　/　　●　　　● |　　/　　　，,･_　　|　/／　 ￣7/ /::ノ
　 |　　　　( _●_)　 ミ／　, ’,∴ ･　¨　 〉(_二─-┘{／
　彡､　　　|∪|　　／　　､･∵ ’　　／､／/|　￣￣ヽ
/　＿＿　 ヽノ　/　　　　　　　　 ／　　 //　|／／＼ 〉
(＿＿＿）　　　/　　　　　　　　/　　　 //　　／＼ ／

42 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5261 08:09

get ye flask

43 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5261 08:22

quit

44 Name: RPG Advisor : 1993-09-5261 09:30

YOU CAN'T QUIT SPENDING TIME ON GAMES! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!

45 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 06:24

Restart game.
Set name: ╝╝╝Ì♂!\À○•8◘
CHEAT CODES UNLOCKED

46 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 06:30

IDDQD

47 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 06:52

GOD MODE ENABLED
ALL WEAPONS ENABLED
DEBUG MODE EN╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝╝

48 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 06:54

rape programmer of game with giant dildo

49 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 09:51 

     /⌒ヽ
     oo-っ
    ⊂_  )    programmer casts NIGGER HORSE PLAGUE

♞*.･:∋ _____ )

   ( __     )
  (         |
  |__|___   |
 (___/_______

50 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 09:57 

     /⌒ヽ
     oo-っ
    ⊂_  )    programmers asshair makes him immune to dildos    
  o_______ )
   ( __     )
  (         |
  |__|___   |
 (___/_______

51 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 10:31

attack programmer's asshair with +8 greatsword of demon slaying

52 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 10:39 

 /⌒ヽ
 OO-;っ   asshair recieves 70dmg,
⊂_  )     asshair has died.

o_______ )
( __ )
( |========||=
|__|___ | ┗ (∀ﾟ　)┓
(___/_______ / ＼

53 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 10:39 

 /⌒ヽ
 OO-;っ   asshair recieves 70dmg,
⊂_  )     asshair has died.

o_______ )
( __ )
( |========||=
|__|___ | ┗ (∀ﾟ　)┓
(___/_______ / ＼

54 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 15:06

/⌒ヽ
OO-;っ asshair recieves 70dmg,
⊂_ ) asshair has died.

o_______ )
( __ )
( |========||=
|__|___ | ┗ (∀ﾟ　)┓
(___/_______ / ＼

55 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 16:09

attack programmer with dildo

56 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 16:47 

 /⌒ヽ
 xx-っ
⊂_  )    programmer has been defeated

o_______ ) you gained 592exp. would you like to learn "sage"?
( __ )
( |============================================3
|__|___ |
(___/_______

57 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 17:38

>> no

sage that skill

58 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 18:04

you used sage
┗ (∀ﾟ)━
/ ＼

┗ ((((((((((((((ﾟ∀ﾟ))))))))))━
////////////// ＼＼＼＼＼＼

┗ (■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■)━

|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| ERROR 33024 |
| restarting game |
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

59 Name: ♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞ : 1993-09-5262 19:16

♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞♞

60 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 21:36

Damn it guys, way to fuck everything up!

61 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5262 22:30

This sucks, lets play Battletoads.

62 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 02:34

rape >>61 with dildo

63 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 03:26

>>61 whines piteously.

>__

64 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 03:33

rape >>61 with +8 greatsword of demon slaying

65 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 04:44

>>61 whines piteously.

>__

66 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 04:55

search for porn

67 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 06:52

>use knife on own throat__

68 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 10:10

I can't let you do that, find another way.

>_

69 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 11:50

> throw knife against wall in such a way that it bounces back toward throat

70 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5263 15:26

I don't know the word "bounces"

>__

71 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 00:31

>save

Saving...............game saved.
>Enter dungeon

72 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 00:40

You enter the dungeon.

You are in a dungeon. Shackles and restraints line the walls. There is a rack full of whips and sex toys in one corner. A light bulb hangs from the ceiling, casting some light. The room is otherwise dark and rather cold.

You see:
Giant pink dildo is here.
Whip is here.
Obese Dominatrix is here.

>_

73 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 01:10

> break light bulb with whip

74 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 01:38

It is very dark. You are likely to be eaten by an obese dominatrix.

75 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 02:20

> throw pink dildo at obese dominatrix

76 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 02:30

It is too dark to see!

>_

77 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 02:51

You are likely to be penetrated by a beefnut.

78 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 03:57

> devour beefnut

79 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 08:44

You eat the beefnut.
Your insides immediatly liquify and you die.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　GAME OVER
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Continue? >>yes no

80 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 10:17

> yes

You have a worn dagger, rusty armor, and amnesia. It is dark.

> restore saved game >>71

81 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 10:44

> look around

82 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 15:20

You see a dungeon.

83 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 19:41

> eat dungeon

84 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 19:55

You're having a hard time getting all of it down.--More--

85 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 19:57

Stop eating? [yn] (y)

86 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 20:05

>y
>polymorph into giant sandworm

87 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 21:41

You transform into your ultimate sandworm form. Unfortunately, you are way too big for the uneaten remnants of the dungeon hallways, and you are squished to death.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　GAME OVER
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Continue? >>yes no

88 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 22:17

no

89 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 22:22

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Windows

A fatal exception OE has occurred at 017F:BFF9DFFF.
The current application will be terminated.

  • Press any key to terminate the application
  • Press Ctrl + Alt + Del again to restart your computer. You will
    lose any unsaved information in all applications.

90 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 23:07

You have a worn dagger, rusty armor, and amnesia. It is dark.

91 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 23:11

  • Press FOW button to tell Windows to Fuck Off completely. You will lose nothing of any value.

92 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5264 23:45

You now have a computer with no OS. All your personal files are intact. What do you wish to do?

93 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 00:25

>>92 Install Ubuntu.

94 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 02:46

Your display device is not recognized! Would you like to
[ ] Try to install your network device so you can download a kernel module
[ ] Write an open-source device driver yourself
[ ] Install Windows XP SP2

95 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 02:48

> Write an open-source device driver

96 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 02:52

You may only take one of the following to accompany in you in this dangerous quest:
[ ] a +14 vim of shortcutery
[ ] a +11 emacs of completefulness
[ ] a +2 ed of standardity

97 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 03:02

>+14 vim of shortcutery

98 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 03:52

that is not enough shortcutterys

99 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 04:06

> exchange shortcuterys for shortcutterys at an exchange rate of 13%

100 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 14:10

you have 107.69 shortcutterys minus my commission is 102.30 shortcutterys cash have a good day

101 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 16:29

Use VIM on DEVICE DRIVER

102 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5265 16:52

102.30 GET

103 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5266 16:47

DEVICE DRIVER launches ILLEGAL OPERATION attack

104 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5266 17:39

> Defend with backup disk

105 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5266 18:23

Backup disk fails with CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK

106 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5266 18:26

Fuck it, use MAP to locate the APPLE STORE

107 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5266 18:32

The entrance of the APPLE STORE is guarded by A RETARDED LOOKING SNAKE.

Would you like to
[] Read SICP
[] Invoke LAMBDA KNIGHTS
[] Run

108 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5266 18:43

Read SCIP

109 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 01:09

>>plugh

110 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 01:39

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

111 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 02:44

You feel smug.

112 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 04:49

>>111 FUCK YOU

113 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 05:01

While I would very much like that, I am only a computer program so I fear that would be quite impossible.

What would you like to do now? >

114 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 05:06

> Write an open-source Linux device driver in ARC

115 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5267 12:09

Are you sure you don't just want to hear yourself saying 'open-source Linux'?

116 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5268 16:00

Suggestion timed out. Validating user command.

You obtain a BAD-QUALITY OPEN-SOURCE LINUX DEVICE DRIVER.
You have gained experience in your ARC Programming skill.

Note : A save is NG here. As a quality of an item is poor (23%), insurance role is suggested in case of a bad luck and is (汗.

Take insurance roll before using item ? Y/N

>

117 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5268 19:14

> Yes

118 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5268 19:53

You have a BAD-QUALITY OPEN-SOURCE LINUX DEVICE DRIVER with insurance rolls at (汗.*

*exclusions apply:

  • self-inflicted wounds
  • driving devices under the influence of drugs or alcohol
  • inability to read 4-letter words correctly
  • application previously terminated for any reason
  • history of amnesia
  • oxidised weapons
  • inadequate protective clothing

119 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5268 21:40

> make backup disk

120 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5269 05:02

You start making the BACKUP DISK.

121 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5269 05:05

I thrust my rusty dagger into the BAD-QUALITY OPEN-SOURCE LINUX DEVICE DRIVER to find some squids to grind on.

122 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5269 05:38

Your rusty dagger is deflected by the hard disks sturdy outer casing and breaks into two pieces.
Some eight-armed, two tentacles, deep-sea invertebrates arrive and invite you to join them in sexually suggestive club dance.

123 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5269 14:31

bounce stark nekkid on the tentacles singing IT'S SHOW TIME! from Tokyo Mew Mew OP

124 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5269 19:23

>>115
(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ Nvidia's shitty drivers.

125 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5270 11:55

You are stark naked, unarmed and getting gangbanged by luscious squids.

Maybe you could forge back your rusty dagger from the two broken pieces, but you do not have proper fixing material and since your gay mana pool is depleted, you cannot cast "Source Forge" either.

You feel uneasy and slimy from all the rape. It looks like those fuckers won't reward you for your hard work anyway.

//（　・∀・）A correct translation is in progress. I need your help and it is SUNX.
An anal is in pain and the poison status has carried out. Life is diminished and [-- it continues] to [-- in] a remedy.

It enters.

>

126 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5272 04:53

Carry out the w

127 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5272 05:01

Your anus is hurting.

heal anus

You do not have that ability.

touch anus

It feels slimy and worn out.

kill Carry out the w

There is no Carry

hmm

"hmm" is not a valid command, for help type 'help command' or 'help'.

carryoutrevenge squidgang

you begin plotting a long-term plan to destroy the squid gang and restore your pride.

restore analvirginity

What has been done cannot be undone...

128 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5272 05:11

> commit suicide

129 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5272 16:58

You cannot commit suicide more than once a day, wait a few hours then try again.

>

130 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5272 21:49

> urinate on pagan idol

131 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5272 21:49

> commit suicide

132 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5273 05:54

Stop 0x0000001e (c000009a 80123f36 02000000 00000246)
Unhandled Kernel exception c000009a from 8123f26
Address 80123f36 has base at 80100000 - dqn1200784603.exe

133 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5273 06:10

> reboot; install FreeDos

134 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5274 21:51

Non-System Disk or Disk Error

135 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5274 22:28

> eat backup disk

136 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5274 22:47

You have eaten the backup disk and gain 12 experience points.

Congratulations, you are now level 1. Would you like to:

[] Respawn
[] Install BSD
[] Abort

137 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5274 22:49

> Abort

138 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5274 23:03

Exception Type: EXC_BAD_ACCESS (SIGSEGV)
Exception Codes: KERN_INVALID_ADDRESS at 0x00000000c00794af
Crashed Thread: 5

139 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 06:32

>Submit to Apple

140 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 17:12

Sorry, a system error occurred.

[] Restart

141 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 18:00

> Fail

142 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 20:20

Software Failure. Press left mouse button to continue.
　 　 　 　 Guru Meditation #GB24CHAN

143 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 22:58

> Press LMB

144 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 23:00

An AWESOME GLENZ FILLED WOBBLY POLYGON FULLSCREEN XYZ ROTATING MITTEN WITH UNREADABLE SCROLLERS AND RAD COPPER EFFECTS appears !

[] Fuck yeah, it's 1993 !
[] Fuck yeah, it's 1993 !
[] Fuck yeah, it's 1993 !

145 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 23:13

> eat polygon

146 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5275 23:44

FUCKS: 3
ASSENTS: 3
ITS: 5979
BANGS: 3

Do you want to buy more fucks? [Y/N]

147 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 13:08

> cast TANASINN ∵le∵∴v∵∴∵∴∵4∴∵∴∵∴∵

148 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 14:44

TANASINN APPEARS

[] ∴
[∵∴] ∵∴∵∴
∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵

∵∴∵∴∵∴∵[Y∴∵

149 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 15:31

> N

150 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 16:39

You've selected 'N', indicating you do not wish to warp to the final level with invincibility and quad damage. Also, you were eaten by a grue.

Would you like to play again?

[ Y / N ]

151 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 16:43

> go East

152 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 19:21

INVALID RESPONSE.

PLEASE LIMIT RESPONSES TO THE FOLLOWING OPTIONS:

[ Y / N ]

153 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5276 22:28

/

154 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5277 08:01

HAMSTER

155 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5277 11:22

]

156 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5277 13:54

run iexplore.exe

157 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5277 15:57

> crash

158 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5277 17:24

You can't get ye flask.

159 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5277 18:42

invalid command or filename

160 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5278 12:47

DEBUG

161 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5278 18:37

> ?

162 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5278 18:43

You have died. Would you like to play again?

［Ｙ／Ｎ］

163 Name: （　・∀・）　 : 1993-09-5278 19:24

N

WAIT! Y! I MEANT Y!

164 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7412 06:42

Make love to Continue.

165 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7412 12:26

Try to remember which game I'm playing, again.

166 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7412 18:24

get troll

167 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7412 22:19

kill jester

168 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7413 01:09

>>164 Continue rebuffs your clumsy advances.

169 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7413 04:01

Sulk

170 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7504 22:43

age thread

171 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7505 05:05

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.

172 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7665 23:16

No it hasn't.

173 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7665 23:25

enlarge penis

174 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7668 22:21

= Game Rebooted =

You are in a small, dank cell. You are lying on a mat made of straw. Aside from the mat, the only furnishings you see are a chamber pot and a bowl of cold gruel. You have no recollection of this place.

Inventory:
You have worn armor, a rusty dagger, and amnesia.

175 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7668 23:04

Use rusty dagger on bowl of gruel.

176 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7668 23:07

>>175
You valiantly stab the evil bowl of gruel. Your dagger breaks off in the thick glop.

You are now carrying a broken dagger. There is a bowl of rusty gruel here. You can almost feel your opponent taunting you.

177 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7668 23:45

Stare at ceiling.

178 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7668 23:47

look for a secret door

179 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 00:34

>>177
You stare at the ceiling for a while. A spider crawls across and begins to descent on its thread, moving towards your eyeball.

>>178
Deciding that you would rather not have a spider in your eye, you busy yourself poking around the walls of the cell. If only it were that easy! There is no sign of any passage in the wall, aside from the obvious barred door. There are some tally marks scratched in one wall, though, counting out 13.

180 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 12:01

Stare at ceiling for about ten hours.

181 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 12:18

>>180
The spider seems to have gone somewhere else now, and none of its bretheren make themselves apparent. After a couple hours, your vigil is interrupted by the arrival of a humanoid figure in torchlight. As it approaches the barred door, you may see that it looks a lot like Pennywise from the movie rendition of It, except that having amnesia, you can't remember that movie.

"Huehuehue, are we ready to play, kiddies?" cackles the clown in a high pitched voice, pulling a key ring out of his pantaloon pocket.

182 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 12:39

Lecture clown on dialectical materialism.

183 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 16:40

Eat amnesia.

184 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 16:48

>>182
"'Matter disappears' means that the limit within which we have hitherto known matter disappears, and that our knowledge is penetrating deeper; properties of matter are disappearing that formerly seemed absolute, immutable, and primary, and which are now revealed to be relative and characteristic only of certain states of matter." You say to the clown, affecting your most pompous tone of voice, "For the sole 'property' of matter, with whose recognition philosophical materialism is bound up, is the property of being an objective reality, of existing outside of the mind."

The clown looks baffled, but proceeds to unlock the barred door anyway, chuckling, "Well, we're all mad here."

>>183
You lift the disc containing your copy of Amnesia: The Dark Descent to your mouth and bite firmly. The disc is now scratched and probably suffered data loss, but the plastic is more durable than your jaws can handle and you find yourself unable to grind it up into bits small enough to be swallowed.

185 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 19:55

Suddenly remember that you are a dog. Eat the clown.

186 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 20:06

>>185
Yes! It all comes back to you now; regardless of your earlier philosophizing you are now certain that you are a being of the canine persuasion. In a fit of primal, coulrophobic rage, you snarl and plant yourself on all fours before lunging at the clown, your snapping jaws aimed for his testicular region.

With a high-pitched hoot of surprise, the clown falls back, the cell door swinging wide open. As you intended snack flees down the corridor, you pursue, galloping after him on all fours.

You drop broken dagger and Amnesia.

You are in a dungeon corridor. Cells line the walls. One of them behind you lies open. In the other direction, a flight of stairs leads upwards.

You see: lit torches, scary clown (moving rapidly towards stairs)

187 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 23:07

Apologise to clown.

188 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7669 23:58

And then eat the clown.

189 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7670 01:06

>>187
You pause and bark, making puppy dog eyes and waggling your posterior in your best canine apology. Quite rudely, the clown ignores your efforts at reconciliation and darts up the stairs.

>>188
The undoubtedly delicious clown is no longer here.

You are in a dungeon corridor. A pair of brown furry feet appears on the stairs where the clown's oversized shoes just disappeared. A man in a bear suit is approaching.

190 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7677 09:30

Eat the bear man.

191 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7677 10:00

Kiss your little sister (in bear suit)

192 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7677 14:46

>>190
Still frustrated by the clown's escape, you catch the man by surprise, cram him down your ravenous maw and swallow him whole.

You have eaten man in a bear suit.

>>191
You don't see a little sister here, in a bear suit or otherwise.

Something you have eaten disagrees with your stomach.

193 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7677 16:35

Undergo conflict resolution with stomach.

194 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7677 16:47

Prove Jacobian conjecture.

195 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7677 18:10

Merge sentience with contents of stomach

196 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7678 00:06

>>193
You huddle down and attempt to talk it through with your stomach. It remains obstinate in its position.

>>194
Operating with the mind of a dog, you find that you can just barely attempt basic arithmetic, amusing yourself by thumping a few counts on the wall with a forepaw.

>>195
You implode the contents of your stomach in a horrific Kirby-like manner, stealing the essence of the manbearthing trapped inside.

Your intelligence has risen by one point. You're still not very good at math(s) but better than before.
Your strength has risen by two points.
Your charisma has decreased by one point.
You are now afflicted with an urge to dress as a bear for unsavory purposes.
Your stomach is no longer upset.

197 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7678 06:00

Find a cucumber.

198 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7678 13:24

Go up stairs.

199 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7678 19:02

Chase tail to farm XP

200 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7678 19:43

>>197
You search the dungeon corridor. You find lots of dust and a delicious-looking bone, but no cucumber.

>>198
Despite the temptation of the bone, you crawl upstairs to continue your search for phallic green goodness.

You are in a play room. Various oversized, boldly colored toys are scattered about in a half-neatened state.

You see: ball pit full of balls, rocking horse, toy chest, stuffed bear
But no cucumber.

>>199
You aren't sure what farming XP is, but you decide that such festive surroundings mean play time, and run in circles for a while, barking and growling. You fail to slay your posterior, or anything else for that matter, but you do feel dizzy.

201 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 01:10

On second thought, go back for some bone

202 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 15:46

>>201
Play time is over for the moment, you think, so you pad back down the stairs a little unsteadily to get that glorious bone. Chomping it between your teeth, you sit up with it in your mouth, looking quite proud of yourself. It's a decidedly bone-shaped bone, perhaps a humerus, though you don't see much funny about it.

You are now carrying bone.

You are in a dungeon corridor. Cells line the walls. One of them behind you lies open. In the other direction, a flight of stairs leads upwards.

You see: lit torches, dust

203 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 17:51

Contemplate possible literary symbolism of dust.

204 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 18:12

Make bone mask from bone

205 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 19:07

>>203
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Waking with a dagger
whose blade is rust
...

Wait, where were you again? You suppose that the dust might have something to do with uncleanliness, disuse, ancientness or death.

>>204
You carefully balance the bone on your nose. It kind of blocks your vision and if you move much it will fall off, but you are very proud of your mask. If only it were a bear mask, though, you find yourself thinking...

206 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 21:41

Eat dagger. Eat armor. Eat own legs.

207 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7679 23:01

>>206
Dagger: You don't see it here. Last you recall, it (or what was left of it) was dropped in the open cell.
Armor: You gnaw at the armor a bit, to little effect. It would probably help if you removed it first and/or had harder teeth.
Own legs: You swallow your own legs in ouroboros-like fashion. You find that once you begin, you just can't stop, and soon you have swallowed yourself, vanishing with a pop.

You drop bone.
You unbind from man in a bear suit.
Your intelligence has decreased 1 point.
Your strength has decreased 2 points.
Your charisma has increased 1 point.

You are floating in a black void, the backdrop bedecked with stars and colorful nebulae. For some reason, you are able to survive here despite the apparent setting.

You see: cratered planet (floating at a distance), man in a bear suit (floating nearby to you)

208 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7680 05:17

Create a world full of men in bear suits.

209 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7680 19:32

>>208
You wave your limbs in expansive gestures, concentrating on the thought "Let there be men in bear suits." Nothing particularly magical happens, and the cratered planet looks as uninhabited as ever.

Attempting a different approach, you grab a passing meteoroid, furiously dig a hole to its core, and cram the bewildered and mildly resisting man inside. Well, technically it's a world (albeit a very small one) and technically it's full of men in bear suits (well, one of them anyway.) Good work.

You are now ruler of Man in Bear Suit World.

You are sitting on a meteoroid orbiting a cratered planet in the middle of a colorful and inexplicably breathable spacescape. There is a freshly dug hole here.

You see: feet of man in a bear suit (sticking out of hole and dressed in bear paw slippers)

210 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7680 22:19

Abolish monarchy of Man in Bear Suit World; instate anarcho-communism.

211 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7680 23:34

>>210
You abdicate your rulership and free the oppressed man in a bear suit from his prison in the meteorite's core. He cocks his head to one side as you explain your plan of cooperation and ungoverned life.

Politics, like nature itself, abhors a vacuum, however, and it is not long before the man in a bear suit makes you his bitch and crams you into the hole.

You are no longer ruler of Man in Bear Suit World.

You are stuck headfirst in a hole dug into the core of a meteoroid orbiting a cratered planet in an oddly liveable spacescape.

It is dark here and you cannot see. You fear you may be eaten by a grue.

212 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7681 16:28

Convince the dark and possible grue to join you in a REVOLUTION.

213 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7682 14:36

>>212
You rant for a while in the hole, addressing the darkness and your phobia for it. The darkness does not respond, nor does any grue, but the man in a bear suit (most likely, or is it a grue?) shakes your feet and tells you to shut up already.

214 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7682 16:57

Enchant my head with scroll of ぬるぽ +3

215 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7682 18:56

Un-eat self and return to the safety of the dungeon staircase.

216 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7682 23:34

>>214
As amusing as that would undoubtedly be, you don't notice any such item here, and even if you did, you can't read in the dark. In fact, you're not sure you can read at all.

>>215
If only you were back in that dusty old dungeon. Surely there are no grues there. You can just imagine the horrible beast coming to nibble on you in this dark hole. The thought makes you feel sick to your stomach. If only you hadn't had that crazy idea to go and eat your legs!

You vomit, and everything goes black.

You are in a dungeon corridor. Cells line the walls. One of them behind you lies open. In the other direction, a flight of stairs leads upwards.

You see: man in a bear suit (unconscious), dust, tiny pebble with a hole dug in it

A magickal elf pops out of your mouth and tut-tuts as it walks towards the pebble. "Watch where you leave things!" it chastizes.

217 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7683 15:47

Eat elf and absorb its powers

218 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7684 13:48

>>217
Before the diminutive creature can collect the odd pebble, you cram it back into your mouth and swallow forcibly, trying to do that freakish thing you did with the man in a bear suit earlier.

For a couple of attempts, nothing happens. Then, the magickal elf's snide voice sounds from somewhere in your guts,
"Knock that off. Don't you know, I'm Your Elf? How do you think you do that thing in the first place?"

While this is going on, a blue ball that looks like it came from the ball pit upstairs rolls down the steps and lightly taps the head of the man in a bear suit. He remains still, but breathing.

219 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7741 04:41

Bark angrily at the Elf.

220 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7741 10:08

Eat dungeon.

221 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7742 01:00

>>219
You bark and snarl for a while, and even drool a bit for good measure. No response comes from the elf in your belly(?), though the manbearthing stirs a bit.

>>220
You clamp your teeth on a likely-looking corner of dungeon, but can't seem to bite off any of the stonework. You settle for licking the floor, ingesting a likely unhealthy amount of dust in the process.

222 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7748 01:27

go south

223 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7748 01:31

>>222
You begin to head south, and once you start, you're not entirely sure when to stop.

Some time later...

You are in a steamy bayou full of mosquitoes and swamp gas. A ramshackle dwelling is in front of you. On the wooden porch you see a gap-toothed, middle aged redneck drinking cans of Budweiser.

Cletus the redneck is here (standing on the porch)
Crushed empty beer cans are here (lying on the porch)
Shotgun is here (leaning against the wall)

224 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7748 20:04

Shout loudly in German and deficate.

225 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7749 01:09

eat redneck

226 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7749 02:36

>>224
"Sei gegrußt, sterblicher, bist du bereit zu sterben?" you boom while breaking wind since that seems to be the only content of your bowels currently. At least, you think you're speaking words.

Cletus certainly doesn't understand a word you're saying, and simply stares upon you dumbstruck for a moment.

>>225
Seizing the opportunity, you engulf the hapless Cletus just as it occurs to him to reach for the shotgun, performing whatever eldritch Kirby tomfoolery goes on in your guts.

Your intelligence has dropped by two points. How does I did the thing?
Your strength has remained constant.
Your charisma has decreased by one point.
You find yourself craving beer.
New skills acquired: can successfully operate firearms while inebriated 50% of the time, can prepare small woodland creatures for human consumption.

Your Elf's tiny voice echoes from somewhere in your innards, "Have you no standards at all?"

227 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7749 12:32

find an alligator and eat it to gain its strength

228 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7749 18:54

look for a cellar in the ramshackle dwelling
enter cellar

229 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 04:28

>>227
Boy-howdy, you could go for some grub! Gonna get you one of dem gators, you is. You go a-hunting for one of those varmints right away.

As you are hunting gators, you stumble over an odd-looking log in the bayou. It is an alligator. The alligator eats you.

You are in an alligator's gizzard.

Skeleton with a hook hand is here.

However, you don't get a chance to investigate further, as corrosive digestive fluids melt the flesh from your bones in a horrific manner. Even Your Elf can't save you now.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here! Returning to >>226.

>>228
The dwelling sits up above the bayou on some grubby wooden pillars. There isn't really a cellar per se, but you don't let this daunt you, crawling underneath the building in the swampy muck, no doubt in search of the legendary Dweller in the Cellar.

230 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 08:11

melt into the earth, become one with the planet

231 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 13:48

Meditate until achieving nirvana.

232 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 17:35

Offer your anus to the gods to receive the thick creamy enlightenment.

233 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 20:05

>>230 you lie down in the muck and close your eyes, letting yourself sink down in the warm, smelling mud and letting it feel like a part of your body.

>>231 you clear your addled dog-redneck-whatever brain and focus on the cosmic truth for a long time. The world around you flows on and on, a continuous beautiful thread of existence.

Eventually, you die of exposure, but you realize that it doesn't matter, as your soul has ascended to a higher plane of existence, where things like perverts in bear suits, drunken rednecks and deranged clowns don't exist.

It is very peaceful here. Your Elf appears before you and says, "Well done. I didn't think you had it in you."

** The End **

Would you like to play again?

>>232 As an ascended being you come to realize that this is no longer necessary. All souls are as one here.

234 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 20:08

new game +

235 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7750 22:54

Put all stat points into agility

236 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7751 04:11

Remove the cartridge, blow on it, put it in water for thirty three and one third seconds, and then reinsert without resetting.

237 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7752 07:44

>>234
After a long time or a short time in the astral plane, you are called to reincarnate back into this world. You might've been able to say why before, but now you've forgotten.

However, your past sojourn in this cycle has left its impact on you. You have carried over the following:
Bound essence: Cletus the redneck (-2 INT, -2 CHA, Weakness: Alcoholic, Skills: Drunken gunman, small game hunter)

You are in a small, dank cell. You are lying on a mat made of straw. Aside from the mat, the only furnishings you see are a chamber pot and a bowl of cold gruel. You have no recollection of this place.

Inventory:
You have worn armor, a rusty dagger, and a copy of Amnesia: the Dark Descent.

>>235
Sadly, in this world you must make do with the stats fate rolled for you. Or improve them by hard work and perseverance (or horrific essence-stealing.)

>>236
You are∵t really sur∴ wh∴t th∴∵　w∴ll acc∴∵pl∴h b∴t ∴∵y n∴∵...

　　　　　　　　　　　　∴∵∴∵∴
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　∴∵∴∵∴∵
　　　　　　　　　　　∴∵∴∵∴∵∵∴∵∴∵
　　　　　　　.∵∴∵：(・)∴∵∴∵∴∵
　　　　　　　　　∴∵rミ ,○､：(・)∴∵∴∵
　　　　　　　　∴∵/ 　/　ミ 〉∴∵∵
　　　　　∴∵∴∵| ￣＼　/∴∵∴∵
　　　　　 ∴∴∵∴.､` 　／∴∵∴∵∴∵
　 　 ri　　∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴
　_＿,! ヽ,∴∵∴∴tanasinn∵∴
三三　 _{{∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵
　￣ ~~∴∵∵∴∵∴∵∴==ｭ
　　　　　　∴∵∴∵∴∵/,　　!
　　　　　　　∴∵∴∵　 `^|.|.|jj
　　　　　∴∵　　　　　　　 .l.|.|

238 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7752 07:47

>>237
Disembodied voice of the Maim Master adds, "Actually the stat modifiers for Cletus are -2 INT -1 CHA."

239 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7752 09:13

Eat disembodied voice.

240 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7753 00:56

>>239
You inhale air deeply as it vibrates to transmit the sound of the sinister voice. However, since the air is not a living being, the effect is not much different from your usual breathing.

241 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7753 01:33

eat the bowl of gruel and absorb its essence

242 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7753 07:10

Develop a crush on the straw mat

243 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7756 19:13

>>241
You devour the gruel. It is marginally nourishing, but neither pleasant nor satisfying to consume, reminding you vaguely of cold, half congealed preschool paste.

>>242
You never realized until now just how beautiful the straw mat is. You find yourself constructing an elaborate fantasy in which Straw-Mat-tan is your younger cousin and you arrange an elaborate redneck wedding together.

Well, as elaborate as such things go.

Straw-Mat-tan seems utterly oblivious to your affections. This frustrates you, and you think you could sure use a beer.

Interrupting your morose ponderings on unrequited love and brewed hops, the bars of the cell rattle and a horrifying clown jams his face against the door, his bulbous red nose protruding into your space. "Woo hoo hoo, kiddo, are you ready to have FUN?" he squawks in a high-pitched voice, exposing rotten fang-like teeth between his crimson lips.

244 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7756 19:27

Take up friendly clown's invitation to have fun.

245 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7756 22:22

Backstab him with dagger for critical hit. Absorb his humanity.

246 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7756 22:29

>>244
You willingly go with the clown as he unlocks your cell and leads you upstairs, leaving Straw-Mat-tan behind. If that bitch is going to be so cold, well then you'll just go have fun with the guys. In an entirely non-homoerotic way of course, since homo sex makes Baby Jesus cry and you wouldn't want that would you?

Prancing and cavorting, the clown chortles as he leads you up the dungeon steps.

You are in a play room. Various oversized, boldly colored toys are scattered about in a half-neatened state.

You see:
Ball pit full of balls
Rocking horse
Toy chest (closed)
Stuffed bear
Man in a bear suit (frolicking in the ball pit)

"So what would you like to do first, little friend?" the clown cackles, seeming quite delighted. "Ride the horsey? Have a tea party with teddy? Cover yourself in balls? Or maybe you'd like to see what's in our magical toy chest?"

247 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7756 22:41

>>245
You decide that none of those options sound fun enough, and that it would be more amusing to play a little prank on your new friend. Wielding the rusty dagger tightly in your fist, you plunge it into the clown's polka-dot clad back, eliciting a sharp yelp as it strikes his scapula.

While the clown is incapacitated, you open your jaws wide and devour him for his essence.

You unbind from Cletus.
Your intelligence has risen 2 points.
Your charisma has risen 1 point.
You no longer crave beer.
You no longer have abilities drunken gunman or small game hunter.

You bind Twinkle the Clown to your essence.
Your intelligence has risen 2 points.
Your dexterity has risen 1 point.
Your strength has decreased 1 point.
You discover that you enjoy listening to Insane Clown Posse.
You have gained abilities: sing Insane Clown Posse songs from memory, perform minor magic, invoke terror in coulrophobic individuals.

You have lost rusty dagger (eaten while still lodged in Twinkles)

The man in a bear suit looks up as you eat Twinkles. It seems to dawn on him that something is wrong.

248 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7756 23:01

Run away back downstairs, elope with Straw-Mat-tan.

249 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 01:55

>>248
You hurry back downstairs to rescue your beloved from the dank dungeon where you met, carefully rolling Straw-Mat-tan and tossing her over your shoulder.

Unfortunately, there is one flaw in your hasty plan: the only way back out of the dungeon is by the stairs, the top of which are blocked by a man in a bear suit.

"You monster, what have you done to Twinkle?" he bellows.

250 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 14:50

Perform a riposte.

251 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 18:21

>>250
Using your newfound wit and intelligence, you retort, "And who are you to judge, Fuzzy-Wuzzy? What would your momma think, seeing you in that perverted costume?"

While the man in the bear suit considers his response to that, you quickly elbow by and hurry for the nearest exit with Straw-Mat-tan riding along on your shoulder.

You are standing outside of a strange building made up of many bold colors and strange angles, like a giant preschooler's block construction.

Mailbox is here (closed)

Exits lead south, east and west.

Man with a bear suit is pursuing you.

252 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 18:27

Tear mailbox out of ground and whack manbearsuit with it while singing, "Fucking magnets, how do they work?"

253 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 19:27

>>252

Dropping Straw-Mat-tan and hoping she'll be all right, you seize the mailbox and begin to heave, straining your arms. At your current strength penalty (-1) you find it takes several attempts, but you finally manage to heft the post from the ground.

Turning with a sneer to face the man in bear suit behind you, you advance, lifting the mailbox high. Is that fear you see in his eyes through the little eyeholes in his bear hood?

"Hey, wait." He says in his gruff voice.

But you don't wait.

"Music is a lot like love, it's all a feeling, and it fills the room, from the floor to the ceiling." you rap.

Small package in brown paper falls from the mailbox.

"I see miracles all around me, stop and look around, it's all astounding."

You heave the mailbox and smash the bear-man across the chest with it, arcing around in a backswing to strike him again.

"Water, fire, air and dirt."

Man in a bear suit collapses under your hail of blows.

"Fucking magnets, how do they work?"

With one more conclusive thump, you cave in the back of the manbearthing's skull.

"And I don't wanna talk to a scientist, y'all motherfuckers lying and getting me pissed." you announce with finality.

You are victorious! Man in a bear suit is slain.

For slaying a sentient being, the Blood God grants you a boon. You currently have 1 unclaimed boon(s).

Feeling winded, you collect Straw-Mat-tan while you catch your breath, contemplate on mortality, and idly wonder if "Willy Bubba" might've been more apropos to this performance (but now you can save that one for Cletus, you suppose).

Your stamina is currently low.

254 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 19:52

Rest on Straw-Mat-tan to regain stamina. Open package.

255 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7757 20:09

Thank Straw-Mat-tan after for the good rest

256 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 07:43

go find cassandra and conundrum-chan since we are apparently in the same universe and/or game

257 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 15:26

Wait, are we a boy or a girl?

258 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 17:21

>>254
You carefully unroll Straw-Mat-tan and stretch yourself out, watching the clouds for a while.

Stamina restored.

Still lying down, you take a look at the mysterious package. It is addressed to "Frank". The rest of the address has been smudged somehow so that you can't make it out. There is no return address.

Tampering with mail is a crime, but then, so is murder. You aren't sure where doing bizarre elf-assisted Kirby impersonations falls into all that, but you shrug and open Frank's package.

Inside, you find a little teddy bear with suction cup paws and a note written in large, loopy handwriting:
"Hey bro -- thought you might enjoy this."

>>255
"Thank you, Straw-Mat-tan!" you say gratefully as you rise and roll the mat back up. She remains as cold and unresponsive as ever.

>>256
You don't remember anyone by those names, but you get a notion in your head that they might somehow be important or relevant. Perhaps your memory is coming back. Or perhaps you are under the influence of an insane clown. It's hard to tell.

At any rate, assessing your situation, you could journey south, east, or west, or you might consider some other method to ascertain these people's whereabouts before you set off.

>>257
You wonder now why it never occurred to you to check. Reaching down, you try to unfasten the piece of armor covering your crotch. It seems to be some sort of metal-plated codpiece adorned with a row of rather unfriendly-looking spikes.

After some struggling, you find that it is stuck fast.

Does it really matter, though? Does not the philosophy of the times say that you are whatever you think you are, and body parts are irrelevant?

259 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 17:47

Do as the Manifest Destiny foretold and go west.

260 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 18:53

Bring the teddy bear and straw-mat-tan.

261 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 19:45

>>259
>>260
You decide to take Straw-Mat-tan and the teddy along, but leave the mailbox and dead body of manbearthing behind. Following the path westwards toward the setting sun, you go on your search for the mysterious and perhaps mythical Cassandra and Conundrum.

You are in a tangled, wild wood, where vines and moss hang thick from the gnarled, hostile-looking trees. Strange hoots and hollers sound out, from animals or perhaps malevolent forest spirits.

Disembodied toothy smile is here. (in a tree)

Possible exits are north, south, east, west, northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest, up, down, all around.

262 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 20:24

Offer teddy bear to disembodied smile.

263 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7758 20:55

>>262
You hold the teddy bear out to the disembodied smile, which opens into a gaping, fang-lined maw that devours the toy in a single chomp, taking your hand with it.

After some loud, messy chewing, the smile re-forms, a crimson tongue extending to lick the fluff and blood from its teeth.

"Hmm, a bit like ham. Your gift pleases me, friend." it says in a sibilant voice. "*For your favor I will offer you something in return. Perhaps you would like to learn a dark magical secret? Or I could offer you a boon?"

The stump of your wrist bleeds, incurring constant HP loss.

264 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7759 00:08

Ask for a new hand in an extremely specific and detailed way that keeps us from being genie-raped by semantic loopholes.

265 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7759 00:11

OOC:
Wonder out loud if the grinding noises guy has now taken over this thread.

266 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7759 03:30

>>264
You begin to express your wish in excruciating detail to the fidgeting, but forebearing smile.

Somewhere around Section 372C, you bleed to death.

"Funny," the disembodied smile says, still grinning wide, "I thought by your aura that you were some sort of deranged jester, not a lawyer. Oh well, I guess you can't judge a freak by their aura."

Your hand reappears on your cooling, lifeless corpse, just as you left it. The smile vanishes from sight.

~ THE END ~

Play again?

>>265

Your friendly neighborhood Maim Master disavows all claims of being "grinding noises guy".

267 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7759 15:12

Take advantage of the amazing offers Black Friday has in store for everyone!
Also fix hand.

268 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7759 19:46

Enable Wild West DLC.
New game+

269 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7759 19:56

Enter big head cheat code.

270 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 01:43

>>267
You take a break from the game for a bit to visit the mall, and buy yourself an expensive cyborg hand at half price while you're at it. You're sure that this will give you an edge at gaming.

>>268
While you're spending big money, you go ahead and get yourself some DLC while you're at it.

Wild West DLC!
Now you can customize your character with:
Cowboy HAT!
Cowboy MOUSTACHE!
Cowboy SHERIFF BADGE!
Indian HEADDRESS!
Speedy Gonzales SOMBRERO!
Wild West SIX SHOOTER! (for cosmetic purposes only)

Combine now with Ride a Horse DLC and you could also have BUCKING BRONCO HOSS!

You begin a new game+ with the following:
Bound essence:
Twinkle the Clown

  • +2 INT, +1 DEX, -1 STR
  • Vice: You are a bit of a Juggalo
  • Skills: Minor magic, sing ICP songs from memory, invoke terror in coulrophobes

Inventory:

  • Straw-Mat-tan
  • Armor (worn) including spiked codpiece
  • Amnesia: The Dark Descent

You are in a small, dank cell. You are lying on a mat made of straw; to your chagrin it is not your beloved, who is safely in your inventory. Aside from the mat, the only furnishings you see are a chamber pot and a bowl of cold gruel. You have no recollection of this place.

There is a rusty dagger lying in the corner to replace the one you lost in a previous existence.

>>269
The world warps around you, and you feel your body shrinking while your head swells, until you look like a gag shot from one of those weird Japanimation shows. Although locomotion should be impossible with such deformed physiology, it feels just as natural as before.

An equally super-deformed man in a bear suit appears at the cell door. "Well well, is it playtime already?" he says in a gruff yet playful voice.

271 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 09:36

Develop a tsundere crush on the second straw mat. Stand up and say, "I wasn't laying on you because I l-l-like you or anything, b-b-baka!" Blush a deep crimson red. Add the second straw mat (hereafter known as Koza-chan) to inventory in the hopes of developing some love triangular antics.

Quickly changing character by channeling our inner clown, press our nose against the cell and squawk in a high-pitched voice to the manbearsuit, "Woo hoo hoo, kiddo, are you ready to have FUN?" Bare fangs.

Equip sombrero.

272 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 10:31

Re-equip sombrero 4 times while pressing start to activate the flying glitch

273 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 12:32

Complains about the lack of indian weapons

274 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 15:36

Turn straw mat into an indian weapon

275 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 16:50

先月福岡行った時に素人系デリ呼んだら
本人かと思える程に超激似の嬢が来たのだが
まさかとは思うが本人じゃないよな・・・
http://www.cityheaven.net/q/d_oasis_fukuoka/

276 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 17:54

>>271
You stutter and blush to the new straw mat before dubbing her Koza-chan and collecting her. Neither mat responds.

Doing your best impression of Twinkle, you slam your face against the bars and call out to the man in the bear suit.

Man in a bear suit does not fear clowns; clowns are the man in a bear suit's friends.

"Oh ho, yes oh yes!" he replies, opening the cell and grabbing your wrist before prancing down the hall, dragging you in tow up to the play room and diving into the ball pit.

Somewhere in the midst of all this, a Speedy Gonzales SOMBRERO appears on your head, announcing to the world that you are a proud buyer of the Wild West DLC.

>>272
You screw with the SOMBRERO a bit in ways you don't entirely understand. It begins to levitate about a half-foot above your head, while following your position.

>>273
"Man, that ain't fair. That's RACIST." you whine. A dialog box pops up asking if you would like to make an additional purchase of the Native American DLC.

>>274
Fanning your hand over your mouth to make a grossly stereotypical "loo-loo-loo!" war cry, you belt the man in a bear suit in the back of the head with Koza-chan. He falls face first into the balls, but comes up laughing and grabs you in a big bearish play-wrestle hold.

>>275
Visions of young Japanese women dressed in lingerie with inexplicably blurry faces pass your mind's eye for no reason you can discern.

"Fukuoka." you say, causing the man in a bear suit to look at you as if trying to figure out whether or not you just said a bad word.

277 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 18:00

Momentarily distract man in bear suit.
Open toy chest.
Hide inside toy chest.

278 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 18:09

Laugh and play with the manbearsuit, carefully expending less energy than he does, until he gets tired and falls asleep, then steal his keys and sneak out.

279 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 19:07

>>277
"Hey, is that Teddy Rubskin?" you call out, suddenly pointing. When the manbearsuit looks, you dart out of the ball pit and flip the lid of the chest, jumping in amongst the toys and doing your best to make your grotesque cranium fit.

You are inside an oversized toy chest. All sorts of bold, colorful doodads surround you, most of a simple nature designed for people who have vivid imaginations to enjoy.

Looking rather out of place, doll in a Victorian dress sits here (holding teacup and staring at you)

>>278
Your giggles, and the Speedy Gonzales SOMBRERO levitating over the toy chest with no regard for solid polygon clipping, soon alert the man in a bear suit to your location, and he pokes his furry-hooded head inside, making theatrical sniffing noises.

"Let's play hide and seek!" you say, and begin to romp about with your new playmate.

After a long day of play, you take the keys from the sleeping manbearsuit and tiptoe out the unlocked front door.

You are standing outside of a strange building made up of many bold colors and strange angles, like a giant preschooler's block construction.

Mailbox is here (closed)
It is night and the scene is illuminated by moonlight. Pale Luna smiles at you.

Exits lead south, east and west.

280 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7760 19:59

expand dong

281 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7761 09:53

Smile at pale Luna.

Head east to make our fortune in the Big City.

282 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7761 16:21

>>280
You attempt to contact Vsauce with some ideas for new DONG episodes, but you find you are lacking a long-distance communications device.

>>281
Pale Luna smiles back.

You move east.

You are on a long, dusty road that seems to have been neglected for many years. Dry, shabby grass grows to either sides, and the stark towers of electrical poles rise to the northern side, carrying energy to the little playhouse. In the silent night, you can almost hear them sizzle faintly. The main road heads east-west, but a fainter fork leads north, and nothing is particularly blocking you from wandering out into the grass.

Large sign is here (pointing north)
You see city lights in the distance (on the eastern horizon)
Possible exits are: east, west, north, south, northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest.

283 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7761 19:54

Climb electrical pole.

284 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7761 19:58

>>282

>Vsauce

shut the fuck up
stop posting
stop fucking posting

285 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7761 20:31

>>283
You climb the electical pole to get a better look at the surroundings. To the north the landscape looks considerably darker and more foreboding. To the east, you still can't make out much more of the city than the lights. To the west is a strange playhouse and beyond it a forest. In other directions are grass.

>>284
Maim Master strikes you with a lightning bolt!

You have been slain.

Maim Master collects your oversized skull as a trophy.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here! GAME OVER.

286 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 03:51

Read the large sign. If the sign is promising, climb down and head north. Otherwise, climb down and head east.

287 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 13:59

>>286
Large block letters read "ITER VEHEMENS AD NECEM". Normally, this is something you would blithely investigate, but your +2 INT bonus suggests that it might not be a good idea, so you take the eastward path.

You are standing in the outskirts of a large city, aglow with streetlights and neon signs that blot out the stars. The place looks vaguely cyberpunk, high-tech yet bleak.

Robotic Enforcer is here.
AK-47 is here. (in hand of Robotic Enforcer)

The Robotic Enforcer approaches and projects a drug-detecting scan ray from its single red eye slot. Not detecting any drugs, it waves you on, grating in its mechanized voice, "MOVE ALONG, CITIZEN. OBEY THE LAW."

288 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 18:37

eat robot

289 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 19:15

>>288
You approach the Robotic Enforcer and seize it, opening your jaws wide.

"WARNING: IRREGULAR BEHAVIOR." the robot grates.

Disregarding its protests, you cram the robot down your gullet as it continues to speak in an emotionless tone, "ASSAULTING AN OFFICER. RESISTING ARREST. PREPARE TO BE..."

At this point, its protests cease as it is assimilated.

Incompatible essence displaces your current binding.

You unbind from Twinkle the Clown.
Your intelligence has decreased 2 points.
Your dexterity has decreased 1 point.
Your strength has increased 1 point.
You no longer enjoy ICP.
You have lost abilities: sing ICP songs from memory, perform minor magic, invoke terror in coulrophobes

You bind Robotic Enforcer to your essence.
Your agility has decreased 2 points.
Your strength has increased 5 points.
Your endurance has increased 2 points.
Your charisma has decreased 1 point.
You must expend stamina when overriding the Enforcer Code.
You have gained ability: detect presence of illegal drugs
You have improved abilities: intimidate with a lethal weapon (+1), operate firearms (+2)

AK-47 has left. (held by Robotic Enforcer when eaten)

290 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 19:33

assume the robot's post on the guard

291 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 20:16

Grow 3 or 5 extra stomachs.

292 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 21:48

shapeshift into a cow

293 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7762 22:48

Go into an errand quest in the search of your 2 intelligence points

294 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 01:46

Search for illegal drugs in the foreboding forest

295 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 14:42

>>290
Feeling a little naked without a weapon issued by Enforcer HQ, you take up guard duty on the corner, keeping watch for dastardy drug dealers and warning the occasional passerby to obey the law. You get a few odd looks; apparently non-Robotic Enforcers have fallen out of style, not to mention you're carrying a pair of straw mats on your back for some reason.

>>291
A warning from the Enforcer Code appears in your mind's eye: "ATTEMPTING SELF-MODIFICATION IS IRREGULAR."

After making a few attempts to morph your internal structure, you find that you lack the requisite ability. Your Elf offers petulantly as an echoing voice inside you, "I could do this for you, but I don't know why I should or why you'd want to. Perhaps we can strike a deal? A favor for a favor?"

>>292
A warning from the Enforcer Code appears in your mind's eye: "ATTEMPTING SELF-MODIFICATION IS IRREGULAR."

You find that you lack the requisite ability to become a being of the bovine persuasion; you require ability: Perform Major Magic. You settle for letting out your best "MOO!"

>>293
Even without them, you're not too dumb to realize that those were really Twinkle's points, and that you might be able to get them back if you eat him, or someone like him, again.

With that in mind, you head back to the play house to investigate. You find the manbearsuit sleeping where you left him, but although you locate a room full of clown attire and paraphernalia, the clown himself appears to be out.

>>294

You head westwards into the forest and take a few twists and turns until your augmented vision highlights something.

"PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCE DETECTED
CLASS: HALLUCINOGEN
SOURCE: MUSHROOM
REGULATION: ILLEGAL"

You are in a hostile, gnarled wood, where vines and moss hang thick from the tangled, wild-looking trees. Strange hoots and hollers sound out, from animals or perhaps malevolent forest spirits.

Pale Luna smiles at you.

Cluster of mushrooms is here. (growing at the foot of a tree)

Possible exits are north, south, east, west, northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest, up, down, all around.

296 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 16:39

go down

297 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 17:01

>>296
You descend into a sinister hole nestled in the gnarled tree roots.

It is very dark here. You fear you may be eaten by a grue.

298 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 17:08

eat grue

299 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 17:25

wear mittens.

300 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 17:28

>>298
A Robotic Enforcer does not feel fear when facing any dastardly ne'er-do-well, grue or otherwise, you remind yourself.

Feeling around in the dark, you search until you encounter something that moves, then use your superior strength to seize and devour it, despite its vigorous struggles.

Incompatible essence displaces your currently bound essence.

You unbind from Robotic Enforcer.
Your agility has increased 2 points.
Your strength has decreased 5 points.
Your endurance has decreased 2 points.
Your charisma has increased 1 point.
You are no longer obligated to follow the Enforcer Code.
You have lost ability: detect presence of illegal drugs
You return to your base level in abilities: intimidate with a lethal weapon, operate firearms

You bind Thorvald the Dwarf to your essence.
Your strength has increased 3 points.
Your endurance has increased 1 point.
You grow a luxurious ankle-length beard.
You need alcohol to get through the day.
You have gained abilities: infravision, appraise minerals, sense direction underground
You have improved abilities: axe combat (+1), mace combat (+1)

Blinking a bit, you realize that you can now see. Verifying the lack of any grue in residence, you exhale a sigh of relief.

You are in a system of tunnels beneath the forest. Gnarled roots occasionally protrude from the walls, and here and there you see signs of digging.

Pickaxe is here.

Possible exits are: north, south, east, west, up, down.

301 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 17:29

>>299
No such item present in inventory or current location.

302 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 17:35

>>301
Equip pickaxe.
Climb up.
Pick mushroom.
Eat mushroom.
Equip mittens.

303 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 18:37

Brew beer.

304 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 21:31

Commit sudoku while having comfort increased by mittens

305 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7763 22:37

Be reborn as a million sentient mittens.

306 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 01:26

>>302
You wield pickaxe.

You go up.

Mushroom: Picked.

Mushroom: Eaten.

You feel sick.

You begin to shake.

Pulsating Purple Portal opens before your eyes and whisks you to ~ THE DARK WORLD ~

You are in a groovy, gnarly forest. Stars shimmer and shine in the dark red sky. For a place called "the dark world" it sure seems colorful, as the trees groove and jive in ever-changing greens and oranges, while serpentine vines (or are they vinelike serpents?) slither all about.

Cat without a mouth is here. (Watching you from a tree.)
Gnarly mushrooms are here. (dancing)

Kuro Tsuki gazes down at you with a bloodstained, sadistic grin.

Possible exits are here, not here, all the way, and FaR OuT.

You once again seek for mittens. As if your wish has been spontaneously granted, Toasty Gauntlets of the Cozy Goddess appear before you. They are the most gnarly mittens you can imagine, and you don them immediately.

You have gained ability: Burning Hand Touch +5

>>303
You wander through the fractured landscape, the colors seeming to pulsate with the pounding of your aching head. The part of you that is Thorvald needs alcohol badly. You finally locate an iridescent pool and collect some of the fluid, attempting to create beer with it. Lacking the requisite skill, it is uncertain how good a job you are doing.

>>304
Grabbing the nearest stick, you begin to etch glowing digits in a hillock, carefully arranging numbers in a pattern. But you do not simply play, oh no, you do it all with a deviant flair, grinning with guilty pleasure as if you are committing a crime. All the while, your new mittens keep your hands toasty warm, and make curls of smoke rise from your writing instrument, becoming wandering rings and wisps of pure color.

>>305
You give thanks to the Cozy Goddess for her gift, and dedicate yourself thenceforth to her service. Smiling upon you, she reaches down and lifts you into another plane of existence, where you ascend into the role of her mitten minions, serving her as you bask in her grandmotherly love. You are her cozy winter mittens that make sure her fingers are always warm. You are the oven mittens that help her bake delicious cupcakes. You are even mittens for unspeakable purposes. It is pure mitteny bliss.

An eternity later, the mushroom wears off. You awaken covered in vomit and muddy water (but surprisingly no blood), with some crudely woven-together leaves on your hands.

You smell vile. (-2 CHA)
You have lost ability: Burning Hand Touch

You are in a wild, gnarled wood, where vines and moss hang thick from the tangled, hostile-looking trees. Strange hollers and hoots sound out, from animals or perhaps malevolent forest spirits.

It is daytime, but the sky is cloudy.

Swampy pool is here.
Wooden pints are here. (full something suspiciously resembling swamp water)
Hillock with unintelligible scrawlings is here.
Pointy stick is here. (poked into hillock)

Possible exits are north, south, east, west, northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest, up, down, all around.

You could REALLY use a stiff drink right now.

307 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 02:14

Decides to take the all around exit.

308 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 03:42

scratch nose and look at navel

309 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 06:20

>>307
You wander all around the forest, until you feel that you know it like the back of your hand.

You have gained new knowledge: forest map
You can now travel to any location in or around the forest without needing to navigate the maze.

To the east is the playhouse.
To the northeast is the Land of Death.
To the southeast is Alligator Bayou.
To the north are mountains.
To the northwest is a glacier.
To the west is the Restricted Area.
To the southwest is the Desert of Blech.
To the south is a nuclear crater.
In the upwards direction is treehouse village.
In the downwards direction is tunnel system.

Interesting locations within the forest:
Mushroom patch
Swampy pool
Statue with a Big Nose
Sword in a log
Ramshackle dwelling

>>308
You scratch your nose, trying to gauge if it is as big as the one on the statue you saw in your wanderings.

You attempt to look at your navel. It is covered by filthy armor. Attempts to remove the armor seem futile without a special tool or skill.

You crave alcohol. Your head pounds.

310 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 09:55

really look at our navel
contemplate existence
feel smug

311 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 10:44

Go to treehouse village and demand booze

312 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 14:08

>>310
Determined to see your navel, no matter what, you apply the most applicable-seeming tool on hand and begin to whale on your abdominal armor until it breaks. You feel a sharp pain as the armor is ripped from your belly along with a shower of gore and intestines. You pluck out the navel and carefully examine it. It appears to be an innie.

Why did you wake up in a dungeon with a demented clown for a warden?
Why is there a city full of Robotic Enforcers in this world?
Why does pain hurt?
No, you have a better question... WHY IS ANYTHING AT ALL? You latch on to this, and consider it for a long time.

You feel quite smug for having circumvented all sense to go on this little errand.

>>311
After a while of deep philosophical contemplation, you bleed out, and, feeling that you left some urgent desire unfulfilled in life, your disemboweled, gore and vomit crusted spectre floats up into the treehouse village in search of fulfillment. Your nightly howls in demand of booze terrify the diminutive fur-kin inhabitants, and even when they attempt to appease you with vodka and berry-wine, you find that everything you attempt to drink falls through the gaping hole in your abdomen, leaving you eternally unsatisfied.

Eventually, your haunting drives off even the bravest of the fur-kin, and the treehouse village becomes a literal ghost town. You are reduced to terrorizing the next generation of adventurers with your demands whenever they come to investigate the ruins of this dismal place.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!
Play again?

313 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 16:41

New game ++++++++++!!

314 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 16:59

Start a new game+ with the infnite adventure DLC.

315 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 17:00

Fear not! I'm an expert in dwarven behaviour.

Go to sword in log.
Deconstruct sword in log.
Find 3m x 3m open space.
Construct craftsdwarf's workshop using log.
Dig straight down using pickaxe until reaching bedrock.
Pray to Armok that this biome doesn't have a multilayer aquifer.
Craft resultant boulder of bedrock into large stone pot in craftsdwarf's workshop.
Deconstruct craftsdwarf's workshop.
Construct still in its place using log.
Go to mushroom patch.
Pick some plump helmets.
Go back to still.
Brew plump helmets into dwarven wine, using large stone pot to collect booze.
Drink dwarven wine.
Get through the working day.
Grumble mildly about the inclement weather.

316 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 17:24

>>314
You have not paid enough VIPcoins for the DLC.

317 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 19:34

>>313
You initiate a New Game plus.

You have carried over the following from your previous life:

Bound essence: Thorvald the Dwarf

  • +3 STR, +1 END
  • Mutation: Luxurious ankle-length beard.
  • Weakness: You need alcohol to get through the day.
  • Gained abilities: infravision, appraise minerals, sense direction underground
  • Improved abilities: axe combat (+1), mace combat (+1)

Other gained abilities: Knowledge of forest maze

Inventory:
A straw mat called Straw-mat-tan
A straw mat called Koza-chan
Pick-axe with some blood stains
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Keys to Twinkle's dungeon
Crude leaf mittens (worn)
Filthy armor with spiked codpiece (worn, -2 CHA, cursed)

>>314
See >>316.

>>315
Without wasting any time, you break out of the cell. You could use the keys or the pick-axe, but decide the pick-axe is more suitably dwarven.

You create a tunnel out of the dungeon.

You move to sword in log.
Sword in log: deconstructed, producing wood and Excaliblork.
You survey area and decide that Desert of Blech appears ideal.
Craftsdwarf's Workshop: built, making do with pick-axe and your +3 STR fists as tools.
You dig down into the hot sand.
You utter a prayer to Armok. Although you are not entirely sure whether Armok responds, you find that the Desert of Blech is a pretty dry biome.
You haul a boulder from your excavations back to your new workshop. At your current STR, you can just barely manage this along with your other inventory.
Crude stone pot: created from boulder
Workshop: deconstructed
Still: constructed
You head to the patch of mushrooms.
Illegal, hallucinogenic mushrooms: picked, making sure to select the ones with the plumpest helmets. How lewd.
You return to Desert of Blech.
Dwarven Wine: brewed.
Dwarven Wine: drinking a portion.

Pulsating Purple Portal opens and whisks you to ~ The Dark World ~

Crude leaf mittens disappear.
You have acquired Toasty Gauntlets of the Cozy Goddess (Burning Hand Touch +5)

You feel great.

Your craving for alcohol has been temporarily sated. Now you can work in peace, just as soon as you decide what sort of work you're supposed to be doing.

You mutter a bit about the weird swirls of black and purple lashing about in the sky overhead.

You are standing on the Dessert of Blech. The landscape is made up primarily of pink and green sugar sand, with occasional outcroppings of caramel and peanut brittle sticking up from it, and here and there a bubbling pit of chocolate pudding.

Commander Keen is here (chomping on the landscape)
Neural Stunner is here (strapped to Commander Keen's belt)
Pogo Stick is here (strapped to Commander Keen's back)
Green Bay Packers helmet is here (strapped to Commander Keen's head)
Rainbow-colored still is here.
Golden pot of shimmering rainbow liquid is here.

Possible exits are: take me HIGHER and FaR OuT.

318 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7764 21:33

Bring some dwarven wine to share with the man in the ramshackle dwelling.

319 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7765 00:07

Give a try to your new infravision abilities... inside a cave.

320 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7765 13:44

Fight necromancer who necrobumped this thread.

321 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 14:58

>>318
You collect the pot and head back in the direction you vaguely recall a ramshackle dwelling being. You instead find a tall wizard's tower.

You give dwarven wine to High Magus Mrzlblth.

High Magus Mrzlblth gives you pink sunglasses with star-shaped lenses in gratitude.

>>319
You head down into the tunnels. You can see quite well, although they appear to have become a network of pulsating, organic green tubes, like the circulatory system of a vast alien being.

>>320
Suddenly, Troll Necromancer appears! You are not sure of the being's past history, but you know that necromancers must be evil, and decide to blame him for a dastardly deed that's been bothering you, preparing to fight using your equipped pickaxe.

Troll Necromancer casts Stinking Cloud! There is a thunderous sound and you are enveloped by foul-smelling gas.

You are in a green, pulsating, underground chamber. The very walls seem to be alive.

Troll Necromancer is here. (fighting you)

Troll Necromancer blocks your escape.

322 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 16:36

Throw sunglasses at necromancer.
Throw pickaxe at necromancer.
Throw amnesia at necromancer.
Throw dungeon key at necromancer.
Throw Straw-Mat-tan at necromancer.
Throw Koza-chan at necromancer.
Throw burning mittens at necromancer.

323 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 17:37

>>322
You throw sunglasses at Troll Necromancer for 0 damage.
You throw pickaxe at Troll Necromancer for 2d6 damage, injuring him by 8 HP.
You throw Amnesia: The Dark Descent at Troll Necromancer for 0 damage.
You throw keys at Troll Necromancer for 0 damage.
You throw Straw-Mat-tan at Troll Necromancer for 0 damage.
You throw Koza-chan at Troll Necromancer for 0 damage.
You throw Toasty Gauntlets of the Cozy Goddess at Troll Necromancer, producing a fireball that strikes for 2d6 damage, injuring him by 4 HP.

Fireball ignites the pile of junk at Troll Necromancer's feet!

Straw-Mat-tan catches on fire!

Straw-Mat-tan has been slain.

Koza-chan catches on fire!

Koza-chan has been slain.

Pickaxe catches on fire!

Disc of Amnesia: The Dark Descent melts in the heat.

Pink Sunglasses with Star-Shaped Lenses melt in the heat.

Keys to Twinkle's Dungeon are unaffected.

Toasty Gauntlets of the Cozy Goddess are unaffected.

Stinking Cloud catches on fire! The sudden combustion of gas burns you for 1d6 damage, and you lose 6 HP.

Stinking Cloud has been destroyed.

Troll Necromancer catches on fire! Troll Necromancer is burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 3 HP.

Troll Necromancer screams in agony!

Organic Chamber screams in agony!

You are standing in a rapidly pulsating underground chamber, the green walls writhing and rippling in distress.

Troll Necromancer is here. (on fire)
Blazing bonfire is here.
Keys to Twinkle's Dungeon are here. (in the fire)
Toasty Gauntlets of the Cozy Goddess are here. (in the fire)
Unrecognizable nugget of melted plastic is here, x2. (in the fire)
Pickaxe with a burnt handle is here. (in the fire)

Troll Necromancer misses his combat round. (flailing against the flames)
Fire prevents Troll Necromancer from regenerating damage.

324 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 18:17

Touch bonfire to replenish estus flask

325 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 18:37

>>324
You shove your hand into the fire and are burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 3 HP.

Estus flask: no such item present in inventory or current location.

Troll Necromancer is burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 1 HP.

Troll Necromancer grabs your arm and attempts to drag you into the flames!

326 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 18:42

Eat troll necromancer. Collect all items on the ground before burning to death.

327 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 19:07

>>326
You grapple with the Troll Necromancer, attempting to eat him before he can pull you into the fire.

You are burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 2 HP.
Troll Necromancer is burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 2 HP.

You eat Troll Necromancer.

Incompatible essence displaces currently bound essence.

You unbind from Thorvald the Dwarf.
Your stats and skills return to their base values.
You no longer crave alcohol.
Your beard disappears.

You bind your essence to Gru'tholl, the Troll Necromancer.
Your strength increases 1 point.
Your intelligence decreases 1 point.
Your charisma decreases 2 points.
You have gained abilities: perform minor magic, necromancer lore, regeneration, infravision
You have improved ability: produce stinking cloud (+1)

You grab into the fire for the goodies, and are burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 3 HP.

Nugget of melted plastic: collected. (x2)
Pick-axe head with no handle: collected. It's hot! (-1 HP)
Keys to Twinkle's Dungeon: collected. It's hot! (-1 HP)
Toasty Gauntlets of the Cozy Goddess: collected.

You are in a rapidly pulsating, green, organic, underground chamber.

A fire burns merrily here. (illuminating the chamber and causing the organic walls some distress)

Possible exits are up, down, north, east.

You are badly wounded.
You are somewhat tired.
You mourn the deaths of Straw-Mat-tan and Koza-chan. You have lost 1 sanity point.

328 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 19:58

Commit sati onto Straw-Mat-tan and Koza-chan's funeral pyre.

329 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7766 21:11

>>328
Despite having spent little thought on your religious allegiances until now (aside from a drug-induced stint in the service of a mitten goddess), your grief drives you to enact a banned Hindu ritual on the pyre of your beloved(s).

You are burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 3 HP.

You scream in agony, on the edge of death.

You are burnt for 1d6 damage, losing 4 HP.

You have been slain.

Your spirit is whisked away to a realm resembling a warehouse full of straw mats. Straw-Mat-tan and Koza-chan are there, and along with the other mats, stare at you in silent, vague disapproval for eternity.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!
Would you like to play again?

330 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 08:32

Yes!
Purchase and enable Hungarian Hats DLC.

331 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 18:55

No. Tries to put the game data in another game

332 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 19:12

Yes, if we get to play as Lizard Viking.

333 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7767 19:47

>>330 >>331 >>332
You grab the current adventure module, throw the book across the room and demand that the Maim Master provide you with a different one, one where you can be a Lizard Viking with an awesome Hungarian hat. And that you get to re-use your character sheet.

Maim Master gives you a long-suffering look and offers you a slice of pizza while preparing the new adventure.

~ A NEW ADVENTURE ~

You are the mighty and intrepid LIZARD VIKING, setting sail for adventure and plunder.

Your character sheet has received some "slight" modifications.
Your STR now has a base of +2.
Your END now has a base of +1.
Your AGI now has a base of -1.
Your class is Viking (specialist Fighter)
Your skills are: axe combat (+2), spear combat (+2), intimidate with a lethal weapon (+1), seafaring (+2), and armored skin (+1)
You are cold-blooded and suffer additional damage from excessive heat and cold.

Current inventory:
Nugget of a strange substance (x2)
Pick-axe head with no handle
Keys with no apparent purpose
A gnarly pair of gauntlets (magic inert)
An awesome fur hat (worn, assuming stats of Viking Helmet)
Armor with spiked codpiece (worn)
Viking battle axe (equipped)

You are standing upon the deck of your dragon ship, with your crew of hearty lizardmen pulling the oars. The cold, stormy sea rages around you; the sky overhead is cloudy.

According to your crude map, you could: Sail to a human kingdom, sail to an elven kingdom, sail to the dreaded land of ponies, sail to the land of ninjas, your eternal hated foes (since you are sort of a pirate, you reason), sail beyond the known world (west), sail beyond the known world (south), or sail home in shame with no plunder.

334 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7768 11:52

Eat codpiece
Sail south, off the edge of the world!

335 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7768 14:34

>>334
You rip off the codpiece with a mighty viking grunt, exposing your lizard cloaca. Shoving the piece of armor into your mouth, you bite down.

Iron spikes deal 1d6 of damage, injuring you by 3 HP.

Spiked codpiece appears unharmed.

A few of your crew members look at you askance. This sort of behavior is usually reserved for the mead hall, or private chambers.

Licking some blood from your mouth, you turn to address the crew. "To the south!" you boom, "into the unknown!"

Ignoring the various weird and wonderful vistas that occasionally present themselves on the shore, you and your naked cloaca drive the crew to row ever southwards.

You are on the southern edge of Midgard. Across the way to the south you can just barely see Muspelheim, its blazing fires casting eerie red and orange light through the mist. Seawater from Midgard and lava from Muspelheim pour into the chasm between worlds, producing thunderous hissing and great billows of steam. The water currents are gradually dragging your dragon ship towards the edge.

"Faster!" you holler, "Over the edge!"

Lizard crewmembers exchange looks and grumble among themselves.

One lizard crewmember speaks out, "This is madness! We set sail for plunder, and what plunder can lie at the bottom of this void of doom?"

It looks as if you don't address this situation fast, you may have a mutiny on your hands.

336 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7768 15:16

Okay, fine. To the west! Put the bloody codpiece back on too.

337 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7768 16:43

>>336
"Uh... just kidding. I think we'd have more success exploring the west." you announce.

You wear spiked codpiece with bloodstains.

Heaving the oars against the ocean currents dragging your ship towards the chasm, you and your somewhat less trusting crew eventually break free from the pull and head in a general northwestwards direction, away from Muspelheim but still into the unknown.

You come across a jungle shoreline, where the squawks of colorful birds sound out and the waves lap on sandy beaches. There is no sign of habitation, but you could land the ship and explore here, or continue following the shore in search of a village or river.

338 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7768 19:24

Land ship and order the crew to begin exploring, then take the boat and sail alone up the shore.

339 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 00:04

>>338
You decide to disembark on the unexplored territory here and now despite the lack of any signs of habitation. After all, you reason with the crew, these are unknown lands and perhaps nature itself is ripe to be plundered here.

You and the lizardmen enter the thick, muggy jungle for a bit, and when you are sure they are occupied, you sneak off, hurry back to the dragon ship and steer it away from shore. Alone, you cannot give the ship sufficient oar power for propulsion, so you are at the mercy of the wind, using the large sail attached to the mast.

You sail along the shore on the prevailing winds, feeling sure you have lost your traitorous crew. After a while, you discover the mouth of a muddy river.

Large alligator is here (floating on the river surface)
Cheeky monkey is here (throwing nuts at you from a tree)

340 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 00:50

Befriend alligator and team up to attack the cheeky monkey.

341 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 14:18

>>340
The alligator seems impressed by your Lizard Viking charm, or perhaps is simply amorously inclined towards your magnificent dragon ship. Either way, it seems amenable to an alliance, but you soon find out that the cheeky monkey has been a thorn in its side for as long as it can remember, and never gets within the alligator's reach. It looks like getting the monkey out of the tree is up to you, but how to do that?

Nut ricochets off of your awesome fur hat, dealing 0 damage.

342 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 20:30

Command monkey to come down with hot-blooded assertiveness.

343 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 21:01

>>342
As you are a lizard, you aren't much able to do anything hot-blooded; that sort of stuff would be reserved for a Dinosaur Viking, Bird Viking or just plain old mammal viking.

None the less, you put your arms akimbo and boom in your sternest Stern Father voice, "Come down from there this instant, young man. I'm not going to ask you again."

Cheeky monkey chatters and grins, showing you its bloated red bottom while dangling from a branch.

344 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 21:16

Land on shore near monkey and keep it occupied by cursing at it. Pull boat ashore so it doesn't drift away. Use viking knowledge of burning and pillaging to set the tree ablaze. A

345 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 23:05

then use viking knowledge of rape to rape the monkey

346 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7769 23:20

Use "Intimidate with a lethal weapon" with a blood-stained codpiece on monkey.

347 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7770 00:31

>>344
You secure your ship and disembark, taking some of the torches brought along for your raiding parties. Cursing at the monkey with your best viking epithets, you light one up and set it to the tree, which, being damp, living wood, proves rather less than amenable to burning. The monkey squawks and chatters back at you as you set about building the fire bigger, until the tree finally catches ablaze.

Meanwhile, large alligator sidles up to your dragon ship, inspecting it amorously.

As the fire burns higher, cheeky monkey begins to realize that it is in danger and jumps to the branches of another tree, eyed by the alligator who hopes fruitlessly that the branch might break and make the monkey fall.

>>345
You know well enough that this first requires capturing the object of your ardent viking fervor. Strapping your battle axe to your back, you use your lizard claws to climb into the tree in pursuit of the monkey, but find that you are much less agile than your quarry, even on land, let alone in the treetops.

You narrowly avoid breaking a branch that you are climbing on.

>>346
Venting your viking frustration, you pull off your codpiece, wearing it on your fist as a sort of makeshift spiked gauntlet. Waving fist and cloaca at the monkey, you attempt to intimidate with a +1 bonus.

Cheeky monkey cowers!

Cheeky monkey has been intimidated and is temporarily suceptible to your manipulation.

348 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7770 04:54

expand dong

349 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7770 08:01

Offer to let the monkey live if it comes down from the tree.

350 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7770 14:12

>>348
You demand that the cheeky monkey become an employee of Dansk Olie og Naturgas to help expand its operations for the glorious viking homeland.

Cheeky monkey is unable to comply.

>>349
Cheeky monkey looks askance, but, thanks to your intimidation, slowly climbs down the tree trunk, chittering softly and piteously.

Large alligator eyes the monkey hungrily.

Furiously burning tree begins to spread fire to adjacent vegitation.

351 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7770 17:29

Play hide and seek with the monkey and alligator.

352 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 03:37

>>351
You line up the alligator and the monkey and explain to them the principles of the hide and seek game that amused you so as a young lizard viking.

Large alligator seems enthusiastic, but not quite in understanding of the rules, as it decides to hide the cheeky monkey in its mouth. CHOMP!

There seems to be some indecision as to whether you or the alligator ought to be the one to hide first.

353 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 08:51

Hide the alligator in our mouth.

354 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 16:47

>>353
You bite large alligator on the tail for 1d6 damage, resisted by alligator's armored skin +2. Large alligator is injured by 3 HP.

Large alligator gives you a dubious look and begins to turn towards you.

355 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 17:32

Finally eat the alligator gumbo we've been waiting for since >>227

356 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 17:45

>>355
You dissolve your alliance with large alligator.

You bite large alligator for 1d6 -2 damage, injuring it by 4 HP.
You bite large alligator for 1d6 -2 damage, injuring it by 3 HP.

Large alligator bites at you, but you evade.

Forest fire continues to spread. It feels uncomfortably hot here. Smokey the Bear weeps.

You are currently fighting large alligator. As you are more agile than your opponent, you may attempt to escape, or continue fighting.

357 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 18:54

Escape via boat and come back to eat the alligator after it has been well cooked by the forest fire.

358 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7771 20:40

Sing some sailor verses.

359 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 15:13

>>357
Hurrying back to the dragon ship, you push off into the water and leap up onto the deck, the alligator's jaws snapping behind you.

The ship slowly begins to move, the alligator in pursuit, though it does not manage to board the deck, instead knocking against the sides of the ship and bellowing its rage at the magnificent dragon ship's betrayal of its amorous advances. Eventually it swims away, leaving you alone, but escaping the flames on land as well.

Forest fire continues to burn on the shore as your ship returns to sea. Colorful birds and chattering monkeys flee the flames as their habitat is destroyed. Billows of smoke rise into the clear sky.

>>358
You decide to relax a bit while you gloat over the destruction of a vibrant ecosystem, and sing a rather terrible a capella rendition of Alestorm's "Set Sail and Conquer", lifting your spirits.

Hideous vulture lands on the dragon ship's mast to listen.

360 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 15:21

Encourage the vulture to sing along!

361 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 15:31

>>360
Vulture lets out a few deep, gravelly croaks and comes closer to investigate you.

362 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 17:38

Try to be a friendly player with the Vulture

363 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 18:14

>>362
Feeling unusually chivalrous, you doff your awesome fur hat (assuming stats of viking helmet) in a sweeping gesture and introduce yourself to the ugly bird.

Hideous vulture croaks incomprehensibly, but appears to be friendly.

You offer a portion of Viking Ale from the dragon ship's stores to the vulture.

Hideous vulture drinks appreciatively.

364 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 19:26

Check to see how the fire is going back on shore, maybe alligator is cooked by now.

365 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7772 20:42

Ask the vulture to help us find any wildlife that has been barbecued by the forest fire and feast on it together.

366 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7773 02:27

>>364
Finding the dragon ship rather unwieldy to manouver alone, and with the vulture seeming to have little rowing capability, it takes you a while to get back to the mouth of the river, where some smoke still rises from the charred wreckage of once mighty trees.

The ground is still warm, but the fire seems to have calmed down, leaving an ashen wasteland around this area. Farther off in the distance, some vegetation still smoulders.

Large alligator is nowhere to be seen.

>>365
The vulture seems quite enthusiastic for this task, and takes to flight, circling ominously a bit before landing.

Hideous vulture has located a roasted sloth carcass.

The vulture seems a bit wary about sharing the feast with you, but is easily coaxed with another helping of ale, and you take turns pecking and tearing at the remains of the beast. The vulture seems to have a good grasp of traditional viking lack of table manners.

Camaraderie with hideous vulture has improved.

You feel satiated.

Satisfying meal restores some of your health. You are now at full HP.

You are resting amongst the ash and charcoal of a formerly vibrant rainforest, the burnt-out hulks of trees lying here and there. The air smells smoky, and off in the distance you can still see fire burning. A bit to the south is a muddy river where your dragon ship lies secured. To the east is a strip of beach, and the sea.

Hideous vulture is here. (resting after a meal)
Sloth skeleton is here. (recently picked clean of meat)
Charred branch is here. (doing nothing interesting at all)

Possible exits are south, southwest, west, northwest and north.

367 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7773 04:08

Explore deeper inland, following the shore of the river. Bring Grawk with us.

368 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7773 15:27

Take a break to read Higurashi

369 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7773 19:56

Tip on some four-fours

370 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7773 22:19

>>367
You head inland, bringing your new companion, who you dub Grawk in your best imitation of vulture language.

Grawk perches on your shoulder, bringing along a carrion smell.

>>368
You pause in your wandering to recount a strange and tragic tale from the land of ninjas (your eternal hated foes) to Grawk.

Grawk listens, and appears to enjoy the gory parts the best.

>>369
You find that you are lacking an automobile, with pimped-out spokes or otherwise. You settle for rapping a bit about it instead.

Grawk croaks and clatters its beak to the beat.

Assessing your situation, you find that you have wandered further west into the remains of the jungle. Some vegetation remain here, generally charred and smouldering but in some places a bit of green remains. Further to the east, the ground begins to rise into hills. A ways to the south are the lazy arcs of a muddy river.

Possible exits are: north, south, east, west, northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest.

Far off on the northeast horizon you spot a small band of moving figures that appear to be searching the area. They do not appear to have noticed you, yet.

371 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 07:18

Climb the hills and get as high as possible to get a good view of the island.

372 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 12:08

Gain power from carrion smell

373 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 14:40

>>371
You head further inland and up the hills, climbing one of the higher peaks until you reach the summit.

You are standing on a boulder at the top of a hill. Around you some trees that escaped the burning below. To the east, you see an expanse of burnt ground, and beyond it the sea. To the southeast across the river, and far to the north, the vibrant jungle remains. To the more immediate north and south run a range of hills. To the west, land extends as far as you can see, though it lowers and flattens again after a while.

At the mouth of the river, you can see the tiny form of your dragon ship in the distance. In the charred land to the northeast, you can barely make out a small band of figures is moving southward. There appear to be three of them, oblivious to your presence as far as you can tell.

>>372
You attempt to tap into the power of aromatherapy with Grawk.

Grawk's odor is not particularly therapeutic, even for a viking.

374 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 15:45

Furtively follow the figures.

375 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 18:18

Figuratively follow the furtives.

376 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7774 19:20

Forgetfully fallow the fjords.

377 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 02:01

>>374
You trek down from the mountains and head in the general direction of the figures you noticed, doing your best to remain concealed in the charred landscape.

>>375
You imagine that you are following someone stealthy, like ninjas (your eternal hated foes), and walk on tiptoe a bit, closing your eyes.

>>376
Your reptilian brain misfires a bit and you find yourself pining for the fjords of your homeland, and the fallow farmlands that aren't actually so fallow, being in cold Scandinavian lands. Or wait, perhaps it was fishing in the fjords that so entranced you.

Derping out, you fall on your face. Grawk flaps away from your shoulder as you fall and lands on a nearby charred log, croaking discontentedly.

Trio of figures pauses to look around, perhaps growing suspicious that someone else is there, but not sighting you yet. They appear to be some of the sailors you abandoned earlier.

378 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 08:04

Apologize to Grawk and give her/him some ale.
Explain Grawk that we are about to catch some very fresh meat, and ask her/him to pretend she is attacking us. (Explain this with hand gestures if needed.)
Run out screaming for help while under "attack" by Grawk. When the figures get close enough, kill them all!

379 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 14:46

Stops for a moment and questions Grawk gender while under "attack" by Grawk.

380 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 14:52

>>378
You offer the last of the ale you're carrying to Grawk as a peace offering. If you want more, you'll have to journey back to the dragon ship, which the three crewmembers appear to have taken notice of.

Hastily explaining your plan to Grawk, you wave your arms and jump out of hiding, crying theatrically, "Oh, help, help!"

Lizard crewmembers notice you.

"It's the captain!" shouts lizard crewmember Sveinn.
"Kill the traitorous dog!" shouts lizard crewmember Olaf.

Lizard crewmember Sveinn wields Viking Battle Axe.
Lizard crewmember Sveinn rushes to attack!

Lizard crewmember Olaf wields Viking Spear.
Lizard crewmember Olaf rushes to attack!

Lizard crewmember Eric wields Viking Spear.
Lizard crewmember Eric runs to secure the dragon ship!

As your former allies seem decidedly less than interested in helping you escape from your staged vulture attack, you find yourself in combat.

Lizard crewmember Sveinn strikes with Viking Battle Axe for 2d6 damage, mitigated by your armor and your armored skin trait, dealing 9 HP of damage.

Lizard crewmember Olaf jabs with Viking Spear for 1d6 damage, mitigated by your armor and traits, dealing 3 HP of damage.

You wield Viking Battle Axe and strike one of the crewmembers at random.

You hit lizard crewmember Sveinn for with Viking Battle Axe for 2d6 damage, injuring him by 7 HP.

Grawk is unsure who to attack now, and flies circles over the battle.

381 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 15:15

go into a berserker rage and show those traitorous swine Thor's fury

382 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 15:38

>>381
With a mighty roar, you heave your battle axe in a furious arc, to cleave your opponents.

You hit Sveinn for 2d6 damage, injuring him for 11 HP.

Sveinn has been slain!

You hit Olaf for 2d6 damage, injuring him for 8 HP.

Olaf jabs at you with Viking Spear for 1d6 damage, injuring you by 3 HP.

You reverse your axe and strike again, injuring Olaf for 5 HP.

Olaf staggers, nearly dead, and you FINISH HIM, ripping his head off with your tongue and devouring it.

You have healed 4 HP.

Grawk lands on Olaf's corspe to investigate.

Sveinn has dropped Viking Battle axe and ale skin.
Olaf has dropped Viking Spear and torch.

Eric boards the dragon ship and takes up a defensive position.

Storm clouds begin to roll in from over the hills. You take this as a sign that Thor is pleased.

You feel rather beat up.
You are tired.

383 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 16:54

Eat the hearts of our fallen foes to honor their memory and gain their courage. Offer the rest to Grawk.

384 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 16:54

>>379
Finding yourself a little time to think, you look at Grawk appraisingly, but have no idea how to determine a vulture's sex, or gender for that matter.

Grawk studies Olaf's headless body intently.

385 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 17:08

>>383
With the help of your axe, you crack open the rib cages of the fallen and pull out their hearts, dripping with lizard blood, and devour them.

You eat Sveinn's heart.
6 HP restored.

You eat Olaf's heart.
HP fully restored.

You feel the power of your fallen foes invigorate you.
Your axe combat skill has improved.
Your vitality has improved.
You feel less tired.

Grawk accepts the offering, pecking at the dead flesh.

Eric shouts taunts and threats from the deck of the dragon ship.

386 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7775 17:20

Wild viking spear and charge fearlessly at Eric! Throw the spear through Eric's heart when close enough to have a pretty good chance at hitting. If Eric decides to flee, taunt him and call him a coward, and tell him he'll never survive Thor's stormy wrath.

387 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7776 03:02

>>386
You grab the spear and boldly charge, flinging it at Eric as you close into range.

Your spear combat skill gives you a bonus to this attempt, and you hit your foe! You slightly miss the heart, but manage to puncture a lung.

Eric wheezes and reflexively throws his own spear, scoring a lucky hit on you that deals 1d6 damage, giving you a 2 HP cut before glancing off to the ground.

Lizard crewmember Eric is mortally wounded and cannot close in to attack, but isn't dead yet. Blood wells between his sharp lizard teeth as he rasps, "You are... indeed... the strongest... of us..."

388 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7776 06:24

Praise Eric for his bravery in battle, assuring him he will have a place in Fólkvangr. Finish him off with the axe. Eat his heart and offer the rest to Grawk.

389 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7776 12:45

Take a head count of who is left of the crew.

390 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7776 21:28

>>388
You ensure that Eric dies with honor, then nick off his head with your axe, watching it roll to the deck. You rip out and eat his heart like you did the others.

Eric has been slain.

HP and stamina restored to full.

You have reclaimed the dragon ship.

Grawk investigates this body as well, croaking with approval.

>>389
Of 20 crew members who set out under your command, 3 have been slain by your hand, and the whereabouts of 17 are currently unknown to you, though you have reason to believe they are currently on the same continent as yourself.

391 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7777 00:34

Ask Grawk where to go next.

392 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7778 07:08

Ignore whatever Grawk says and take the dragon ship to find the mythical city of Atlantis

393 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7778 16:55

Make love to dragon ship

394 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7778 18:45

>>391 >>392
At your questioning, Grawk lets out a croak and flies off inland, but you decide not to follow, instead pushing off into the sea once again and attempting to maneuver the unwieldy ship to Atlantis, a place you have only the vaguest inkling of, but that you guess is somewhere east of here, closer to home.

You adjust the sail, and the growing winds of the coming storm carry you off into the great expanse of the ocean.

>>393
Alone at last, you give in to your secret, lewd inclinations and bare your lizard cloaca, grinding it against the boards of the magnificent dragon ship, crooning over its beauty and good construction as you do so, until you feel quite satisfied and rather less guilty than you might have expected.

The dragon ship remains indifferent to your amorous advances, rocking on the growing waves.

395 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7778 18:46

sing a jaunty lizard-viking sailing tune

396 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7778 18:55

Ask for the blessings of Thor and Odin to guide us through the storm and into Atlantis!

397 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 18:02

Reminisce about childhood

398 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 19:02

Reminisce about Atlantis.

399 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 19:27

Become Atlantis.

400 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 21:25

>>395
You sing a jaunty song about sailing, raiding, and being an anthropomorphized member of the zoological suborder Lacertilia, dancing on the deck in your enthusiasm.

Magnificent dragon ship is unimpressed by your song.

>>396
You call out your prayers to the growing storm clouds above, and thunder rolls through the blackened sky, the winds seizing your ship and sending it on its way. Accustomed to sailing, you avoid being seasick despite the rather rough journey over the waves.

>>397 >>398
As the storm carries you ship over the waves to an unknown location that you hope to be Atlantis, if the gods have truly smiled upon you, you bide the time remembering your childhood, wrestling with other young nordic lizards, learning to swing the axe and throw the spear, how to sail and pillage for the glory of your homeland. As the tropical rain beats down on you and your ship is tossed on the waves, you find yourself sinking deeper into a dream state. You recall a past life, long before your current one, when Atlantis still stood above the waves and you were one of its proud and advanced citizens, conducting strange and unethical research to further your nation's superiority over the continental tribes that your society regarded as savage and boorish.

>>399
You are now playing as Atlantis XIV, merman king of the sunken city of Atlantis.

Your stats are INT +1, AGI +2, CON -1, CHA +1.
Your skills are Trident Combat (+1), Intimidate with Political Censure (+2), Speechcraft (+2), and Swimming (+3).
Your special abilities are: Breathe Underwater
Your class is King (Nobility prestige class)

Your inventory contains:
Crown of Atlantis (worn)
Ornate bracers (worn)
Gem-encrusted royal trident/sceptre combo (wielded)

You are floating in your throne room in the sunken palace of Atlantis, your fishlike body supported by water pressure near a ridiculously impractical human throne.
Seaweed and barnacles decorate the grand pillars and magnificent architecture of the lost Atlantean builders in this glorious throne room.

Merman guards are here (By a large door, x4)

401 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 21:32

Abolish monarchy of Atlantis; instate anarcho-communism.

402 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 21:58

Declare war on all other underwater cities.

403 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 21:59

>>401
Yes, you muse, you have been a terrible ruler, and the dark shadows of Atlantis' old days must never truly have left this city.

You gather your advisors and nobles to explain your radical new plan for the future of Atlantis. Despite your best speechcraft efforts, you find some elements of your audience rather difficult to convince, and a fierce argument breaks out as tempers flare.

Prince Atlantis XV wields trident and prepares to attack!
Grand Vizier wields staff and prepares to attack!
General Neptunius wields trident and prepares to attack!

Royal Accountant is swayed by your speech and withdraws from the fight!
Agricultural Minister is swayed by your speech and withdraws from fight!

Bippo the Jester is swayed by your speech and prepares to fight at your side!
Merman guard is swayed by your speech and prepares to fight at your side! (x4)

As your allies outnumber your opposition, you may either remain and fight, or allow them to cover for you as you make a cowardly escape.

404 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 22:00

>>402
You have more pressing matters to deal with at this moment, like not becoming sushi at the hands of your former subordinates.

405 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 23:27

Settle dispute by allowing the opposition to peacefully explain their disagreements on an orderly and civil fashion.
Remain strong in our position, but still open to concede in a number of key areas.

406 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7779 23:58

Furtively gesture to the guards to take up positions surrounding the consipirators while we make a speechcraft check to distract them as >>405-san said. Continue ruling with an iron fist now that our enemies have been drawn out of the woodwork and slain in our clever trap.

407 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 00:15

>>405
You successfully use your speechcraft to restore order; for now.

Prince Atlantis XV complains of long tradition and his right to ascend the throne after you as he was brought up to do, and that the peasantry cannot function without proper leadership.

Grand Vizier argues that he will support the Prince's claim to the throne.

General Neptunius argues that organized military might is necessary to protect the city, and expresses doubts that this can be achieved without centralized organization.

Bippo the Jester argues that getting rid of stuffy old officials and their hidebound rules sounds like a great idea.

Other participants have nothing to add.

With some further debate, you are able to further sway General Neptunius to see the merit of your position, but the prince and vizier remain obstinate, though less inclined to immediate violence without the general's continued support.

408 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 00:38

>>406
Using the secret gestures established with your personal guards, you say to the rest that you will finish the debate with the prince and vizier in private. Once the coast is clear, you have your heir and vizier summarily executed for treason by the outnumbering guards, and return to floating over your throne, deciding that perhaps your radical idea was not meant for implementation, after all.

Given Bippo's enthusiasm for the idea, you decide that it will be necessary to have him vanish, as well. You will miss Bippo's jests, you lament, but the order of the state comes first.

Guards have slain Prince Atlantis XV.
Guards have slain Grand Vizier.
Guards have slain Bippo the Jester.

You have received no combat rewards for delegating your kills.

409 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 00:48

Summon Lizard Viking. Locate if necessary.

410 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 01:31

>>409
Well, this is certainly a conundrum, you think to yourself, wondering if you've set in motion things beyond your control with your rash suggestions to your inner circle.

If only a legendary hero would come and help you sort all of this out; the sort who comes from another land with strange and wonderful skills, mighty in battle and ruggedly handsome.

As you think these thoughts, the hull of a storm-wrecked but once magnificent dragon ship crashes down on the roof of your palace and a lone Lizard Viking comes swimming in your window, looking quite confused yet ruggedly heroic none the less.

You quickly call the attendant sorceress and have her impart water breathing on the creature before it drowns.

Lizard Viking has joined your party.

411 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 10:08

Declare war on drugs, in the interest of securing more royal funds in the form of drug money.

412 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 17:01

Ask Lizard viking to kill the 4 guards, they know too much.

413 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7780 17:11

Ask Lizard viking to eat all the trolls in the secret area.

414 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 00:54

Be lizard viking. Mate with sorceress to gain her powers.

415 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 15:12

Be sorceress. Make some lovely fishlizard babies.

416 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 15:58

>>411
You decide that the best way to proceed now is to distract everyone with a long and costly campaign against recreational drugs, while allowing key mob members to sway you with bribery.

You set about implementing this post haste, and make Lizard Viking your top enforcer.

>>412
After a glorious underwater battle, Lizard Viking has slain the four questionable guards, but is wounded for a significant amount of HP in the process.

>>413
That done, you focus on your next problem, and have Lizard Viking go to the hidden computer room of the ancients. After an anticlimactic battle, several pimply-faced nerds who enjoy making abrasive posts on the internet have been slain, and Lizard Viking summarily eats them.

>>414
You are now playing as Lizard Viking. Returning to the palace, you attempt to take your just reward by somehow mating with the king's mermaid sorceress, although you're not entirely sure how fish and lizard genitalia will work together.

Mermaid sorceress deflects your advances with a telekinetic shield.

>>415
You are now playing as the Sorceress. You attempt to use your magic to crossbreed the piranhas in your aquarium with the chameleons in your terrarium. The attempts are successful though the loveliness of the offspring may be left in question, as they summarily devour you.

You have been slain.

Returning to previous character: you are now playing as Lizard Viking.

417 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 16:03

Settle for ejaculating on dead sorceress' ample breasts.

418 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 17:32

Adopt fishlizard babies as our own.

419 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 17:48

>>417 >>418
You don't see any of those things here.

420 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 18:42

Settle for ejaculating on King Atlantis' ample chest.

vc: quip

421 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7782 23:16

>>420
You engage in acts far too lewd to be described on a family textboard with King Atlantis XIV, with a particular focus on his magnificently slick, rippling pectoral muscles. You find it to be greatly enjoyable, and so does he.

"You have opened my eyes to a whole new world." says the King, "Henceforth the city of Atlantis and the lands of Lizandinavia shall be allied. Furthermore I would ask that we be wed that you may reign alongside me as my... uhhh... queen?"

"Sire," you wonder aloud, "Is that legal?"

"I will make it legal." the king answers.

422 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7783 04:17

Accept offer, then eat the king at the wedding. Declare self supreme commander of both Atlantis and Lizandinavia.

423 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7783 06:09

Touch oniichan's penis.

424 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7783 13:13

Teach Viking battle chant to your newfound subordinates.

425 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7783 15:18

>>422
You cheerfully accept the offer and bide your time with the king until the wedding ceremonies. When the customary kiss is to take place, you give things a little extra oomph.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 3 HP.

"Oooh, kinky." says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 3 HP.

"Ahhhhhn." says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 2 HP.

"That tickles!" says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 2 HP.

"Uhhh, darling...?" says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 1 HP.

"Darling?" says the king.

You bite King Atlantis for 1d6 damage, injuring him by 2 HP.

"All right! All right! I submit to you, my lovely hunk of lizard!" says the king.

King Atlantis XIV grovels at your feet, kissing them. It would appear you have the king wrapped around your fingers now. Although, you recall, you technically owe your own allegiance to one of the several kings in the loosely-knit ethnic region of Lizandinavia, although that could be fixed...

>>423
You see neither an oniichan, nor a penis, being surrounded by fishy naked merfolk whose genitalia appear to be designed for spawning by scattering eggs and sperm willy-nilly in the water (how lewd!) Furthermore, you highly suspect that "oniichan" sounds like a word only a ninja would use, and though you have done many questionable things on this adventure of yours, becoming a ninja is not yet one of them.

>>424
You teach King Atlantis XIV and the merman guards your best viking battle chant as the first step in your cultural domination over the Atlanteans. They seem to learn quickly, and those who lack it gain first rank in "Intimidate with a lethal weapon" skill.

426 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7783 16:27

Take a crew of Atlantis' best warriors and sail the dragon ship to the land of ninjas to finally put them in their place!

427 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7784 23:26

>>426
Although it takes a great deal of repairing, you eventually get the Atlanteans to rebuild your dragon ship even better than before, using ancient plans from the former inhabitants of Atlantis before the oceans drank it. Once preparations are ready, you set forth for conquest!

You are on board a steam-powered ironclad with a magnificent dragon prow, cruising over the waves while King Atlantis XIV, General Neptunius and 18 merman guards swim in the ocean to either side. The coastline of the land of ninjas (your eternal hated foes) has just come into sight, and you must decide now how you will stage your attack; merfolk on land, you have discovered, are like fish out of water, so you may have to lead them into some sort of river system if you want them to have a chance at fighting effectively. Alternatively, coastal raiding with the rebuilt ship's artillery cannons also seems viable.

428 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7787 05:10

Find their water supply and pee in it. Biological warfare!

429 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7787 08:14

Sneak into the castle through the obligatory sewer level

430 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7787 12:44

Try to convince any sentient reptiles you might encounter there to join your party.

431 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 05:33

Make a home in the sewers. Become king of the sewers.

432 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 15:00

>>428
You guide your party upriver into a likely-looking lake and jump in to have a "pee in the pool" party. It seems to relieve the stress level in your party, but you're not sure if it was sufficient to affect the whole ecosystem.

>>429
You decide to follow a popular but ill-conceived RPG trope. Wading through the sludge, you find that you become more than a little foul-smelling. Your feel itchy and unclean.

>>430
As the most skilled member of the party, King Atlantis uses his speechcraft skill to convince the sewer's reptilian inhabitants.

Ninja turtle Raphael looks convinced.
Ninja turtle Leonardo is hesitant.
Ninja turtle Donatello looks convinced.
Ninja turtle Michelangelo looks convinced.

Ninja turtle Leonardo attempts counter-speechcraft and is successful.

Your party and theirs regard each other warily.

>>431
You decide to declare the sewers your home, and yourself king.

Ninja turtles refuse to acknowledge your claim to royalty.

433 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 16:06

Challenge ninja turtles to a Glasperlenspiel match to decide jurisdiction of the sewers.

434 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7789 19:41

While the rest of our party is wasting time with Glasperlenspiel, sneak out of the sewers and find an onsen to get cleaned up.

435 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7793 21:20

Be King Atlantis.
Order a Pizza of Foe Finding from the ninja turtles.
Use the pizza to grind on sewer enemies until reaching level 9999.

436 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7813 01:09

Burrow underground even further

437 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7813 16:27

Keep digging.

438 Name: I'm taking over : 1993-09-7835 00:38

>>433
They refuse and simply point their weapons at you menacingly. You suspect it might be because there's no Glasperlenspiel anywhere in sight, or maybe because the ninja turtles feel they'd be at a tremendous disadvantage, having absolutely no formal Glasperlenspiel training. Maybe you should have refrained yourself from issuing such a ridiculous challenge in the first place.

>>434
You try to escape but an antropomorphic rat with a cane blocks your way out!

>>435
You ask for the Pizza of Foe Finding to the ninja turtles. They are not exactly well-versed on video game vernacular, so they end up interpreting your request as Pizza with Anchovies. This funny misunderstanding amuses no one, however, as the turtles refuse your order and insist on threatening you with their ninja weapons.

>>456,437
Seeing as all escape routes are blocked, you attempt to create your own escape route, digging into the concrete floor of the sewer. Using your beautifully decorated trident, you attempt to break through the concrete, but you soon find out this isn’t the optimal tool for the job. While you entertain yourself with your new-found task, the ninja turtles take this chance to preemptively attack. The hapless mermen soldiers, not being used to terrestrial combat, aimlessly flop around attempting to evade their brisk ninjutsu, without much success. Lizard Viking courageously tries to defend the mermen soldiers, but despite his graceful viking combat skills he remains outnumbered by the four turtles. In a matter of minutes, they dispose of most of your platoon, leaving you with 5 pitiful mermen warriors at your disposal. Meanwhile your efforts seem to have paid of, as the concrete under your trident now appears visibly cracked.

439 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7835 06:30

Screw this, murder all the turtles and rats with our trident while screaming viking insults.

440 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7921 02:53

Command the oceans to flood the sewers, and scream more viking insults.

441 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8033 02:26

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

442 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8055 17:25

>>439
"Yeeminee Villikerz!" you shout, leaping into the seething throng of rats and turtles, alternately sweeping and stabbing with your stout trident! They put up a heroic defense, but your vastly superior size and strength make short work of the vermin. As you stand above their mangled little corpses, you wonder to yourself why you didn't just walk over them in the first place.

>>440
"How long kann yoo tread vater?" you snarl, as you raise your trident and bid the oceans to your command. Unfortunately, the oceans never got the memo about your rise to power, and nothing happens.

>>441
The Kraken glances up at you from its now open cage, and then goes back to playing Mario Kart.

443 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8422 19:21

Play head to head Mario Kart with the Kraken.

444 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8544 22:32

>>443
The Kraken proves to be a tough but fair opponent. The two of you play for hours, with neither maintaining a lead.

Your thumbs are growing weary.

445 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8552 21:36

Go out to grab some beers. Ask the Kraken if it wants anything.

446 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8554 20:00

Challenge the Kraken to Halo 2.

447 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9119 20:53

Find and eat a really big sandwich.

448 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9119 22:59

>>445,446,447
The Kraken asks for a bag of surume to go with the beers, seemingly oblivious to the irony. You decide not to press the issue and instead head to the nearest convenience store for beer and snacks. Upon your return, you decide to dust off the old Xbox classic and challenge the Kraken to a few rounds of Halo.

"Aw dude no way! Hell yeah I'll play! Halo was my shit back in the day, I won't go easy on you!"

The kraken is initially terrible at the game, losing the first several rounds back to back possibly on account of not having thumbs. As the evening progresses, however, you soon find out that the Ballmer Peak also applies both to oceanic molluscs and to video games. As night gives way to morning, and having lost 15 rounds in a row, your rumbling stomach and mild frustration get the best of you.

"Bah, fuck this! You win, let's go get some real food. All we've had all night is potato chips and this squid stuff."
"Shquid? Hwut? Ids chiggen innit?" the Kraken slurs out.
"er yeah, it's-" you begin to say, before the squid snatches the package off the ground and drunkenly squints at it, seemingly having trouble focusing his massive cephalopod eyes.
"SHQUID! ID ISH SHQUID! OH MY GHAWD, I'B A MONSHTER!" yells the Kraken, flailing his gigantic tentacles in a fit of drunken despair and nearly taking your head off.
"Hey, hey, come on bro. You're not a monster, you had no way of knowing (even though it's written right there on the package). C'mon, let's go get a bigass sandwich then hit the sack, I think you'll feel better once you've slept it off."
"O-oghey", sniffs the Kraken.

You stop at the front door to put on your shoes, before remembering that you don't have feet. As you open it, you look back and notice the Kraken passed out on the couch. Sighing and deciding that it can't be helped, you go to take your shoes back off, before remembering for a second time that you don't have feet. The sandwich will have to wait until later that afternoon.

449 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9121 07:09

Generate feet

450 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9130 20:07

Get the Kraken some really strong coffee and send him on his way.

451 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9131 15:19

Ask the Kraken for a second date.

452 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9825 02:37

>>449,450,451
You grow some feet. They are really tiny feet. You need to water them daily and give them plenty of sunlight.

You press the "REALLY STRONG" button on your coffee maker. A fist comes shooting out and punches you in the face. You feel more awake now! You bring the REALLY STRONG COFFEE to the Kraken, meaning that you punch him in the face.

"Can we go out again?" you ask as he recoils from the sudden rude awakening.

"AREKJHKJEHHRHRHJHHJHJKJHRKEJHHRHRHR" the kraken screams. He goes on a rampage and breaks everything in your house.

453 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9825 02:56

Smile lovingly at the Kraken and prepare to go on a second date with him.

454 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9825 03:24

Invite the kraken to play one of your knizia games with you

455 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9826 15:17

>>453,454
The kraken is mollified by your enchanting smile. You go to your game shelf intending to get out Medici, but it was completely destroyed in the kraken's hungover rampage!

456 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9826 18:09

The Indian model of water treatment is associated with higher utilization of designated public spaces.

457 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9834 01:14

Go on a rampage date with the kraken and break everything in the neighborhood

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