Clonepa or Superman?
>>292
Presley spent two years serving in the US army, was apparently quite skilled in karate, and was not shy about using amphetamines to supplement his physical abilities. Jackson, meanwhile, as far as I can tell had no fighting experience of any sort, and was known to have quite a weak constitution. I reckon this would be an easy win for Elvis.
As an aside, while looking up stuff for this answer, I found out that Michael Jackson was briefly married to Elvis Presley's daughter, which I did not know.
>>294
EVA unit 01 vs the ender dragon from Minecraft. Assume the EVA is not connected to power and has only its internal battery. The fight takes place on the end island with all crystals active.
>>294
I googled and here were the top 3 results for each:
Confucius:
*Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you.
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.*
Buddha:
*Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.*
Confucius sounds like a real pussy, whereas Buddha sounds kinda like a bad-ass martial artist. Buddha quotes are the obvious winner.
>>296
Kirby from Smash 64 VS Bayonetta from Smash 4
>>295
Kirby would do that thing where he inhales his enemy and then spits them out under the stage so they can't get back up again. Bayonetta would fall, helpless, into the void.
>>297
Maiden in Black (Demon's Souls) vs Emerald Herald (Dark Souls II) vs Fire Keeper (Dark Souls III) vs the Doll (Bloodborne)
>>298
Clippy is (as far as I know?) the only one of these who actually harasses you unprompted, rather than just responding to user commands. This initiative will give him the upper hand, allowing him victory.
>>300
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (as they were at their height, assume their magic is actually functional) vs Golden Dawn (Greek neo-Nazi organisation)
>>299
Golden Dawn has actually murdered people, whereas the magic golden dawn doesnt look that dangerous and kinda geeky honestly, so the Nazis, easily.
>>301
Chris-Chan vs Jonty Bravery (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50692100)
>>300
Bravery has attempted murder and, based on actions and quotes, comes across as genuinely psychopathic. Chandler is clearly seriously mentally ill, but doesn't seem particularly cruel or violent. I would be inclined to give it to Bravery.
>>302
Antlion guard (Half Life 2) vs Vordt of the Boreal Valley (Dark Souls III)
>>301
The antlion guard has 500 HP, whereas Vordt of the Boreal Valley has 1328 HP (according to their respective wikis) and a significant size and mobility advantage... But Vordt also has silly segmented armor, and loses by virtue of inelegance!
>>303
Konpaku Youmu's ghost half (Touhou Project) vs. Cumsprite (Oglaf)
>>304
Girl with no squish. Look me in the eye and tell me you think a person who has an identity around posting "soft squish" on an obscure internet forum would not instantly faint if any real life girl looked at him for more than three seconds.
>>306
You vs your most recent ex, both armed with rapiers. Fight takes place on a cliff edge in the middle of a storm.
>>311
A crocodile would have a very easy time defeating the Croc brand sandal. However I've run this simulation 1000 times and in 3 of those the crocodile suffocated on the sandal and died leading to a no contest.
>313
Crunch vs crisp
>>314
Chickens can be pretty vicious, for sure, but their beaks and claws are too small to do any lethal damage to a human. The woman, meanwhile, could pretty easily grab the chicken by the neck and strangle it or smash its head against a rock, without it having much opportunity to fight back.
>>316
Ornstein vs Smough
>>314
Smough. He's only two letters away from though.
Thoughers always win
>>318
A lesbian (homosexual woman) vs a Lesbian (resident of the island of Lesbos)
>>318
Tigers are ambush predators specialised for taking down singular, large animals, so the tiger would be somewhat out of its comfort zone here. On the other hand, chihuahuas, while very vocal, are not remotely trained or bred for violence. I could well imagine the tiger running out of stamina, but I couldn't imagine the chihuahuas effectively capitalising on this weakness -- even against an incapacitated tiger, they would have difficulty landing any kind of killing blow. I would be inclined to give it to the tiger.
>>320
You armed with a glaive (or other polearm of your choice) vs an alligator.
>>321
Wojak has survived and morphed to this day, and has become very popular from its humble origins as a krautchan meme. Pepe has mostly faded and Apu and the one with no neck with the wine glass have become more popular than it. Wojak would outlast Pepe in a fight.
>>323
Albania vs North Macedonia vs Greece
>>308
Sailor Jupiter. Send a lightning bolt in the croc swamp and zap them to death.
>>324
They are both overwhelmingly more likely to accidentally injure themselves in some wacky slapstick fashion than they are to injure one another. I suspect the result would be a draw, or at best one might win by default if the other messes up badly enough.
>>327
Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Rei Ayanami (The Rei's Diner)
>>341
BANG
You stupid bitch. You stupid fucking bitch. I can't believe how dumb you are. Jesus Christ, I can't believe how fucking dumb you are. You're the dumbest motherfuck-
>>343
You on a hang glider armed with a machine gun vs a giant dragonfly approximately the size of a light aircraft. You automatically lose the fight if you land on the ground, but have enough height/thermals to stay airborne for at least ten minutes. Assume you are strapped to the hang glider such that you can use both hands for the machine gun (but cannot steer at the same time).
I'm with Allah cause he chose me, broke into the Vatican strangled the Pope with his rosary
Pope Francis would be raped and slaughtered easily
Robin Williams vs some spare rope
>>349 The wizard has a more eclectic selection of spells and is not bound to the same standard of morals as a cleric. While the cleric may sometimes have the power of a god on his side, it's not necessarily going to be a powerful god, and the pure Stirnerite egoism inherent to a high-level wizard is hard to overcome. I'm handing this one to the wizard.
>>351 Virtual Youtuber vs Physical Twitcher
>>350
Depends on who has the most vapid porn addict zombie followers on only fans. If she’s a woman with tits, I’m handing it to the twitch streamer.
Lolis vs FBI
>>352
Lolifolder-beard's brain has been reduced to mush from endless masturbation but he has a strong left arm. Lolita-beard's brain is in a much better state thanks to his literary forays but he lacks physical strength. I'm going to give this to Lolita-beard because, as we all know, brains beat brawn.
>>354
( ﾟ ヮﾟ) vs (´<_｀ )
>>353
One look in (´<_｀ )'s eyes is enough to tell you he has lost every fight he's ever been in, and this will be no exception. Even with ( ﾟ ヮﾟ)'s punches being padded by the mittens she's wearing, she has the unquenchable motivation and perseverance to come out on top.
>>355
Diablo (Diablo) vs Satan (The Binding of Isaac) vs Cyberdemon (Doom)
>>364
Adolf's wife Eva heroically saves him from the pills by ingesting them herself, but Adolf's attempts to disarm the revolver by discharging all of its ammunition go tragically wrong as he accidentally misses the floor and hits his own temple instead.
>>366
Giant spider vs giant toad (assume they're both roughly the same size)
>>366
The six of us have collectively spent hundreds of posts discussing combat tactics, while they were sitting around picking their noses and masturbating. We'll absolutely demolish them, I'm certain.
>>368
Alpha (Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou) vs Kino (Kino no Tabi) vs Reki (Haibane Renmei) vs Haruko (FLCL), four way motorbike/moped-mounted jousting tournament.
>>370
I choose as my weapon a king penguin with a time bomb in its stomach, set to detonate 30 seconds after the beginning of the fight. I will throw the penguin at the orca and immediately swim away as fast as I can. As the orca is an animal, my hope is that it will not be able to resist the urge to snack on a food that it prefers to humans, which will then explode inside it and fatally wound it. If the penguin serves as an insufficiently time-consuming distraction, though, I acknowledge I may also die due to being caught in the explosion or simply killed by the orca within seconds.
I also considered a net launcher, but I don't think I would be able to kill even an immobilized orca with my bare hands, and if it became a match of attrition I would die of dehydration before the orca dies of starvation.
>>372
Reddit vs. its mods
>>371
Probably Reddit. There’s only so much crying mods can do when sys.admin can just take away their privileges, especially when investors are involved. The Reddit strike will go down as the dumbest in history, where, despite not receiving compensation for their labor, striking mods haven’t even asked for pay. And all for what? So they can use 3rd party apps that let them fap to NSFW content. The real Reddit died with Aaron. RIP.
>>374
You vs Mount Fuji. The great Fujisan is set to erupt! The incompetent Japanese diet have put their faith in you to stop this deadly from blasting away the countryside and dumping ash all over Tokyo. You are empowered to choose the following weapons in your struggle with this deadly volcano
>Iowa class battleship
>B83 thermonuclear gravity bomb
>Tactical Miniature Neko Lolis
>Kamikaze squadron
>A gigantic exploding boxing glove
You have 24 hours
>>374
Well it took 1 Austrian to take out 6 million Jews so I guess 100 ghostbusters would be more than enough.
Some additional context for >>373: https://4-ch.net/current/kareha.pl/1319744527/24-27
None of the offered weapons seem adequate unless the "Tactical Miniature Neko Lolis" are capable of powerful explosions and there are several hundred million of them. Even if they are, 24 hours probably isn't long enough to execute the plan.
>>376
Ever stomped on a bug? Imagine how easy it is with bigger feet, even when the bugs are men.
>>378
An Iowa class battleship vs. 200,000,000 Tactical Miniature Neko Lolis
>>378
Nothing can stop Odysseus' cunning, I'm afraid. He's a man with no land of his own and nowhere to go back to, needless to say you never fight a cornered cat.
>>380
You vs Joe Rogan in an intellectual debate. You can pick the debate topic excluding STEM subjects (please include), but in order to win you must annihilate Joe and make him rage quit. Due to a black out and the stream going down, Joe will not be able to call up his army of minions nor will he be able to physically attack you. A Netflix crew is standing by in case he wants to produce another comedy special to smite you.