[NOVEL] DQN Shirt Novel [FAIRLY NICE] (672)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 05:43

The shirt was

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 20:17

Mom didn't know what death metal was, but

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 20:51

she lovingly draped his exquisitely tailored flannel shirt over his shoulders and said,

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 21:08

"this is for the Albanians" as she stabbed him in the back with

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 21:32

a wall of spices and incense.

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 22:21

Pop inhaled the heady mix and smiled.
"The Albanians are going to LOVE THIS!"

Mom smiled to herself, for

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 04:06

or five.

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 12:10

Sick Sven ate. Nein tin.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 22:12

DQN let out a huge sugar burp.

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 00:00

( ˃ ヮ˂) And then exploded sugar and mitons everywhere!

32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 03:29

All the shirts were covered in a sugary goop.

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 20:39

Pop, surveying the ruined shirts, glared at DQN and said,

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 21:54

"You're the purest beauty on Earth. I know that might sound cheesy, but it's true."

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 22:01

"Nonetheless, I'm kicking you out. Pack your bags and make for the hills, boy."

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 22:03

Fairly nice smooth jazz began to play.

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 23:25

Which is strange since smooth jazz in general is the devil's jazz.

DQN packed his nicest shirts and hit the road.

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7406 09:28

"What are the haps my friends?" he roared

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7406 09:39

this very afternoon.

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7407 23:34

The roar tore the skies asunder, causing a Great Sky Garment to fall to the Earth.

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 00:31

It was Greatly Nice.

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 01:30

It landed in a forest and was eaten by a pack of deer.

As he walked along, DQN spilled Travel Tea on his shirt.

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 02:21

Rage swiftly grew within his heart at this latest humiliation.

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 11:34

All the mushroom men

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7409 19:21

Where do they all come from?

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7409 23:05

All the mushroom men

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 00:13

Why are they all so glum?

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 02:04

All the mushroom men

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 02:53

Were suddenly sucked into a vortex of death from which there is no escape. They have no mittens. They don't even have shirts.

50 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 03:14

The mushroom men are, incidentally, women.

51 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 14:43

Fairly nice women

52 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 14:56

with fairly nice mushrooms, which may or may not be a double entendre.

53 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 18:01

(It is.)

54 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 19:17

Although it is a fairly nice double entendre.

55 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 20:04

It wasn't enough to save them or their mushrooms.

56 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 20:16

Down, down down they fell into that ravening Vortex of destruction.
 ̄ ̄V ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
                  This isn't one of your better stories, Grandpa.
 ____             ∧∧ ∧∧  
/  /   | |  /        (・∀・ )(´ω`) Shhh! It gets better!
l 二 |    | |         /  ̄ ̄旦 ̄ ̄/|
\_ヽ__||  \    ./_____//
 |;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|        |l─────‐l|'

57 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 01:57

Meanwhile, in the galactic core,

58 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 03:04

Dr. Trousers was plotting to destroy all shirts once and for all.

59 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 05:06

However, his evil twin, Professor Poopypants, was

60 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 05:43

shitting up the lab.

61 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 09:00

"Oh god," he moaned to himself in ghastly horror at his own uncontrollable bowels. "Oh god oh god oh god," the shit just kept coming in waves, pounds of poop, acres of excrement, the stench overwhelming and nauseating, his face in frozen horror, voice steadily growing louder and more stressed, "oh god, oh shit oh no no no no NO NO NO," his pants had long since been incinerated by the steaming mountain of doodoo shooting out of his rear, and the lab equipment was engulfed in a shitstorm, the Professor flailed in vain to escape but soon he too was drowning in that soupy, hideous puce mixture of processed food and bacteria, sinking beneath his own waste. It was rising to the ceiling now. The shit hit the fan.

62 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 00:02

The fan kicked in, and in mere seconds, the room was sparking clean again.

63 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 01:23

"Ah, that feels much better," said Professor Cleanpants.

64 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 03:37

Unfortunately, Professor Cleanpants was still more like Professor Nopants since his pants had been incinerated by steaming doodoo.

65 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 05:19

He didn't even notice until he'd wandered into the Evil Overlord's Lounge and was looking through the vending machines for something tasty. Commodore Short Shorts glanced up from his paper and exclaimed,

66 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7416 14:36

"Nice shirt!"

67 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 17:29

Professor Nopants glanced down and said,

68 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 17:51

"Haha! Penis!"

69 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 20:28

But realized it was a vagina.

70 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 20:55

Upon closer examination, it actually turned out to be an Arby's beef & cheddar sandwich.

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 21:08

Everyone dined voraciously.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7436 15:29

And then got wicked food poisoning for making the mistake of eating Arby's food and they threw up until they could only dry heave.

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7437 09:13

"Mommy"

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7437 13:19

said Dr. Robotnik, quivering before his moustachioed matriarch.

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7437 19:02

"Suck my PINGAS" says Robotnik

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7439 21:10

Everyone laughed uproariously at Robotnik's dick joke.

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7439 21:44

"Playing to the cheap seats already?" thought the GSL, rolling her eyes heavenward.

78 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7439 23:26

Then she exploded.

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 01:17

Then she exploded.
 ̄ ̄V ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
                  Yay!
 ____             ∧∧ ∧∧  
/  /   | |  /        (・∀・ )(´ω`) Shhh!
l 二 |    | |         /  ̄ ̄旦 ̄ ̄/|
\_ヽ__||  \    ./_____//
 |;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|        |l─────‐l|'

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 12:25

And then the TV exploded.

81 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 12:54

After a second or two, >>80 exploded.

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 15:33

"Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!" - wailed a flock of rebels.

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 15:17

They pushed the button on their vests, but nothing happened.

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 16:28

Some cows in Scotland coincidentally exploded as the buttons were repeatedly pressed.

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 17:04

The cows vests however remained intact, their buttons unpushed.

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 17:46

Then, for some unknown reason, Parliament exploded fiercely, showering the countryside with monocles and top hats.

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 17:59

Many celebrations were had across the country, and that day would have been declared National No More Parliament Day, had Parliament been around to declare it as such.

88 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 20:26

It was a fairly nice day

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 20:36

trader.

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 00:08

Who invested in a business that produced

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 01:20

Anatolian spinach.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 15:35

Fairly nice Anatolian spinach.

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 16:00

The spinach, however, carried a terrible curse

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 16:36

curable only by its rare counterpart, the Atolian spinach.

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 19:36

The Atolian spinach, however, wasn't very nice. In fact

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 19:56

it was wonderful.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7448 19:02

Right up until it exploded, showering

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7448 19:35

after a hard day at work.

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7462 16:37

At the same time Anatolian spinach grew tired of his antagonist life, and so he shat himself.

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7462 19:28

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 15:38

justice was being served.

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 15:48

The butler brought it forth on a silver platter, steaming with delicious aroma.

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 18:17

But to their dismay, it wasn't Justice..

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 18:19

It was a stick of dynamite

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 20:55

-shaped five bean burrito.

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 23:11

With extra sauce.

107 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 13:53

"Remember, it's always okay to ask for extra sauce." said

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 18:37

the CEO of a fortune 500 sauce-making company, who came prepared with seventeen totally non-biased studies he commisioned showing that extra-sauce is not only okay, but also cures

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 18:54

Moroccan Sims 3.

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 19:36

"In addition, it makes for a splendid floor wax!" bubbled the CEO's wife, who, coincidentally, was

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 21:46

waxing the floor with the regular sauce, rather than the extra sauce.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7465 13:52

ZOG

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7465 14:14

had lost his eye again.

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7465 21:23

"That's the third time this happens!" ZOG cried bitterly.

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7466 00:52

The CEO's wife was a CEO of a multinational floor wax corporation.

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7466 04:17

And ZOG, short for Zogfry Westleburger Frumpypants, was their pet dog, who could talk and still had thirteen eyes to spare.

117 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7467 17:29

Like everyone else, ZOG wore a fairly nice shirt.

118 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7468 23:05

Courtesy of a multinational nice shirt corporation.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7499 18:33

Zrogfy Wrestlebugger Fumpyprants pranced about excitedly, sniffing

120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7499 19:06

cocaine

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7500 13:40

that was of poor quality and laced with deadly toxins.

122 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7500 15:39

ZOG sickened, and eventually perished, leaving behind a legacy of blood and darkness. On his death bed, Zrogfy, or as I like to call it, Zoggy, expressed the following

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