INSTANT REVIEW : Closer
A movie about 4 people who know how to cheat on each other.
Natalie Portman still sucks at acting.
INSTANT REVIEW: On Any Sunday (1971)
VVVRRRROOOOM. VROOM VROOM. VROOOOOOM. Very '70s.
INSTANT REVIEW: Dead like me: like after death
Horrible sequel of the brilliant two season cancelled cult series "dead like me". Probably no chance we get a third season after this shit.
INSTANT REVIEW: Jesus Camp
It's astounding to me how well-directed this documentary is. Compare it to ideology-pandering crap like "The End of the World Cult". I'm sort of upset how the careful, unbiased attitude of the directors is so blindly overlooked.
>unbiased
>directors
lol...
INSTANT REVIEW: Jonestown: The Life And Death Of The People's Temple
I could go for some Kool-Aid.
INSTANT REVIEW: Role Model
A really cute movie. Half assholes, half LARPing, all fun.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hounddog
Feel-good family film of the year.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Godfather
I did not care for it.
INSTANT REVIEW: π/PI (1998, Darren Aronofsky)
A guy spends too much times with numbers and goes crazy. Some trippy sequences. Awesome photography.
Would watch again again.
INSTANT REVIEW: Knowing
Nicolas Cage knows when shit happens, and can't do anything to prevent said shit so we can watch the mess on screen.
Plot is like a subpar Shyalaman.
***INSTANT REVIEW:*** Let the Right One In
Swedish loli vampires. This is ALL you need to know. Just trust me on this one.
INSTANT REVIEW: A Snake of June
Blue filters are erotic.
Instant review: YES MAN
Mildly funny. I like the concept, know a few people like that that shut themselves out of life that need to start saying yes and let life happen. Recommended
Instant Review: Ong Bak 2
Films with cliffhanger endings usually annoy me but this just was't good enough for me to care. I wish they would make another movie about the autistic girl instead of Ong Bak 3.
Instant Review: Dragonball Evolution
Really, it wasn't that bad. Especially when you take the time to consider just how awful it could have been. I'll buy it. Goku's character did a great job.
you know what is real ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M1mwu64rvg
INSTANT REVIEW: Lady Battle Cop
Robocop wishes he had an earring.
INSTANT REVIEW: A world without thieves
I wanna be THE THIEF!!
INSTANT REVIEW (again): Memories of Matsuko
Tragicomedy at its best!! Probably one of the best japanse movies i have ever seen, really a gem. 10/10 sniff*
INSTANT REVIEW: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Not funny, not interesting, not recommended.
>>283
I would have said "nothing like the book", but actually it would have meant exactly what you said.
INSTANT REVIEW: Fanboys
A simple, hilarious movie that any Star Wars fan can relate to. It features tons of cameos and Star Wars inside jokes. "Don't roll your eyes at me, Admiral Jackbar" sums up the movie.
INSTANT REVIEW: Star Trek (2009)
Four words: Live long and prosper.
INSTANT REVIEW: Dragonball Evolution
Let-down. Storyline was too rushed, no time figure out where they were, let alone develop any empathy for characters. It was just a flurry of characters with the occasional delivery of cleavage.
INSTANT REVIEW: Antique (Korean movie)
A guy opens a cake shop and hires a gay guy to work there. Everyone eats cake.
INSTANT REVIEW: Terminator: Salvation
It was good, until I realised it did absolutely nothing to further the Terminator Storyline.
INSTANT REVIEW: Zeitgeist
Absolute crap
>>290
Actually I would have said "WTF" but still
CAPTCHA: renass
INSTANT REVIEW: Up
good kids movie
INSTANT REVIEW: Big Trouble in Little China
99 minutes of pure, uncut, china white, straight-to-the-vein AWESOME.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Machine Girl
A girl with a fucking machine gun on her arm kills the shit out of everyone.
INSTANT REVIEW: Big Top Pee-Wee
Goddammit he's not supposed to have a sex drive what the fuck
INSTANT REVIEW: Religulous
Guy being interviewed: "I believe in God"
Bill Maher: "AH HA HA LISTEN TO THIS SHIT!"
INSTANT REVIEW: The Good, The Bad, The Weird
Like The Good, The Bad and the Ugly except with Koreans in 1930s Manchuria and not actually much like The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. If I had to choose one part of the title to review it I'd go with The Weird.
INSTANT REVIEW: Moon
Kicks ass. See it if it comes to your neighborhood.
INSTANT REVIEW: The Cove
Higurashi IRL
INSTANT REVIEW: Lesbian Vampire Killers
Contains Lesbian Vampires. And people who kill them. And lots of british absurd humor. Funny movie. Also, NOT porn, sorry. Good surprise overall.
>>300 did not review 300 the movie. I am kinda disappointed, Couch Potato.
INSTANT REVIEW: Videodrome
James Woods with the worst haircut in cinematic history goes batshit insane.
INSTANT REVIEW: District 9
Indie Scifi movie that turns into a poorly written action flick halfway through. Also, Pig Gibs.
INSTANT REVIEW: Adventureland
Emo Boy meets Emo Girl who bangs Married Rockstar secretely who cockblocks Ignorant Emo Boy followed by more cheesy drama and a farfatched happy ending.
INSTANT REVIEW: HANNAH MONTANA the Movie
Do I even need to say it?
INSTANT REVIEW: 2012: The Odyssey
The exemplar of New Age movies. Pure naivete and cheesiness. (Skip it)
INSTANT REVIEW : Timecrimes
Pretty good despite the obvious paradoxes.
casablanca
Studly Bogart helps his Ex escape nazi controlled africa after a SHITLOAD of flashbacks
INSTANT REVIEW: Murder By Death
Frequently stupid. Sparsely humorous. Entirely nonsensical.
...
Brilliant!
INSTANT REVIEW: The Legend of Zorro
They should have called it Everybody Loves Zorro.
[b]INSTANT REVIEW[/b]: At Land (1944)
Nice unless you try to analyse it.
INSTANT REVIEW: Good (2008)
Depressing as fuck. Bad acting.
INSTANT REVIEW: Postmen in the Mountains (那山那人那狗, 1999)
What I expected: The exotic mystery of the Orient.
What I got: A heartwarming tale of a postman's life
INSTANT REVIEW: IZO
Japanese director on acid tries to wrap philosophy in a splatter movie.
INSTANT REVIEW: M
If you don't love this movie you might not even be human.
The 1931 German one, the 1951 American one, or the 2007 Korean drama?
INSTANT REVIEW: Oh, God!
Quaint folksy tale wherein George Burns reads lines off a cue card.
Addendum: When I said James Woods had the worst haircut in cinematic history, it was only because I was unaware John Denver had ever starred in a movie. I now stand corrected.
INSTANT REVIEW: Star Trek
Somehow this didn't trip my nerd rage-o-meter. It may be watered down, but it's not a bad movie.
INSTANT REVIEW: Inglorious Basterds
Jews are so great, Hitler sux XD.
INSTANT REVIEW: Funny People
One of Adam Sandler's better movies. But not as funny as the name implies.
INSTANT REVIEW: Once Upon a Time in the West
I hate westerns, actually I never watched one, find them too boring. But this movie is amazing, completely changes my opinion of westerns.
INSTANT REVIEW: Coraline
Gorgeous visuals, cute characters, but the plot feels like a tech demo, or a video game really. If you liked Avatar you may like this. Main character is quite fappable.
INSTANT REVIEW: Traxx (1988)
You know what I think of your cookies?
<10 second fart>
That's what I think of your cookies!
INSTANT REVIEW: Avatar
I am getting in the habit of writing instant reviews in this thread for movies that everyone has already seen.
INSTANT REVIEW: Where The Wild Things Are (2010)
What the fuck, this is a kid's movie, why are you beating the shit out of each other?
INSTANT REVIEW: Farewell Space Battleship Yamato
GLORIOUS NIPPON BANZAI!!!!1
Lord of War
Arms trade and corruption.
INSTANT REVIEW: Summer Wars
zomg such an awesome movie. Too much Internet though
INSTANT REVIEW: The Hurt Locker
angry man, reckless man and black man combine forces to disarm shit. thats fucking IT
INSTANT REVIEW: Iron Man 2
Man goes through process metaphorical to mid-life crisis, finds new hobby.
INSTANT REVIEW: Hard Candy
Tender teenage girl goes psycho on ambivalent pedophile. GOES HARD!! YAAAY.
INSTANT REVIEW: INCEPTION
Groups goes into a dream of a dream of a dream to plant idea. MIND BLASTING!
INSTANT REVIEW: TOY STORY 3
Evil fucking stuffed bear rules daycare center with an iron fist. Has an SS crew of nazi henchmen. Sid is the trash truck driver at the end. If you cry when Andy gives the toys to Molly, you're gay!
Also, Woody talks to Sid but not Andy in the third movie? What the fuck gives man!
Should have been Rated PG.
INSTANT REVIEW: THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE
Two chicks and a guy. Eating shit is involved. The guys from Lexx are in it. They are making a second one with twelve people...I hope its the cast of Serenity and they all die.
INSTANT REVIEW: TRANSFORMERS 2
Micheal Bay put nigger robots in the movie. Shit gets blown up. Wait for ABC Family to show it.
>> 339
Oh wait...Andy gave the toys to BONNIE...Molly is Andy's little bitch sister. Thankfully, he didn't give her jack shit.
INSTANT REVIEW: CUBE
People stuck inside a Rubik's cube. Turns out it is harder to solve from the inside. Did you know there are traps and shit in there?
INSTANT REVIEW: BOXING HELENA
Psycho doctor cuts off chick's arms and legs he's in love with. Turns out she wanted to fuck him after all.
INSTANT REVIEW: 2012
Big budget tin foil hat film. Three hours of my life I'll never get the fuck back!!!
YES...I said THREE HOURS.
INSTANT REVIEW: AVATAR
Anti-war movie. Republicans are bad. Aliens and Christianity. Oh, and save the planet, fuck the whales, all that shit. Special effects look like a 1st year Flash programmer student's work.
INSTANT REVIEW: Pi
Mathematician discovers the secret of the Universe, and goes mad. Accompanied by lots of electronic music.
INSTANT REVIEW: PULSE
The world becomes a radio-wave graveyard. My head was pulsing after watching pulse.
INSTANT REVIEW: AVATAR
An alien movie in 3D!!! OMG!! James Cameron wipes his shit onto film and shows the reels to the idiot masses.
INSTANT REVIEW: ALICE IN WONDERLAND (LATEST REMAKE)
A long and boring Tim Burton movie with..gasp...Johnny Depp yet again.
INSTANT REVIEW: TOMB RAIDER
A very bad action movie with a hot chick with nice tits, nasty tats and a fake accent. Based on some shitty video game that is so bad people won't bother torrenting the damn thing.
INSTANT REVIEW: THE EXPENDABLES
Sylvester Stallone making a movie showing how he is not old. Lots of explosions. Lots of big name action actors. No nudity and no sex. I want to be Jason Statham when I grow up!
INSTANT REVIEW: Inception
A lot of people dreaming about dreams until the main character wakes up at the end, revealing the whole movie was a dream.
INSTANT REVIEW: GRAN TORINO
No one gave two fucks about the Hmong people on 4-ch or 4chan until this shitty Clint Eastwood movie came out about a fucking car he never drove yet he kept washing it while he kept fixing shit around his and the next door neighbors house. Puts a positive spin on racism.
INSTANT REVIEW: RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD
A 90 minute music video with several pop rock songs and dead zombie fuckers trying to eat people's brains.
INSTANT REVIEW: I Still Believe In Zeus
That sure was an indie documentary. The best part was the pagan festival footage, Greeks know how to have a good time.
INSTANT REVIEW: FIEND WITHOUT A FACE
Movie about a non-mad scientist who creates evil brains that eat people with just his thoughts. Kinda of a backward zombie movie. Instead of zombies eating brains, it is brains eating people!
INSTANT REVIEW: PRETTY BABY
Pedobear takes up photography in early 20th century New Orleans.
INSTANT REVIEW: REPO MEN
Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker repo body parts from deadbeats who can't pay for them until Jude Law gets an artificial heart and gets a conscience about killing people. Has an M. Night Shalamon ending.
INSTANT REVIEW: KILLERS
Ashton Kutcher and Tom Sellick are ex-spies trying to kill each other because Katherine Heigl was dumped by a geeky nerd.
INSTANT REVIEW: Zardoz
The penis is evil.
INSTANT REVIEW: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Cute movie. That "fuck" scene definitely is a classic.